The Audax moments thread

[Noodley]

"Aye, nae bother son".

How many years ago was this? 

[eck]

A few years ago, doing Innesh's Lanark 300 perm.

"Aye, nae bother son".

How many years ago was this? 

A very few. It's my youthful good looks, see? 

[Really Ancien]

Most of the best stuff happens in motorway service stations. I remember Membury services on the Spa Trek in 2003. There was a big group in Williams Formula 1 kit at about 1am, we got talking with a girl about the ride. '372 miles in how long?' she said and called the rest of the team over. 2007 at Burton Services, the North West 600, A hen party turned up, they were equally amazed, I had the bride on one knee and the Maid of Honour on the other for a photo.
The best response we ever had was the lady at the Dumfries branch of Tesco, who remembered us after two years break and paid for tea and coffee for us out of her own pocket.

All night garage workers are the best, they love to interact with people who aren't pissed or psychotic.

Damon.

[MSeries]

The best response we ever had was the lady at the Dumfries branch of Tesco,

Two female workers passed out when I was there in 2007 on the O'er the Edge.

[alan]

The best response we ever had was the lady at the Dumfries branch of Tesco,

Two female workers passed out when I was there in 2007 on the O'er the Edge.

What did you do to them then

[Giraffe]

First LEL: hammering down the A19 to Donny, going really well at about 18mph, about 10k short suddenly went flop. Gateway, Mars bar. Car coming from Donny (I'd pulled over to that side), slows down, goes past, reverses back to me.
By this time I'd had the conservation and decided not to confuse the situation with truth.

Plod asks if I'm OK; asks where I'm going; asks where I've come from. I just said Edinburgh, omitting the first bit of the ride. Much amazement - when, what for etc. Then just Good Luck! and off he went.

[Giraffe]

Yoofs on Severn Bridge: "How far have you cycled today?"
Me: "About 200 miles."
Yoofs: <silence>

North of Donny (again - I don't get out much), pub, usual inanities. Sorry, I don't speak yobbish - rode off fast!

Biggest shock from yoofs at roadside pub: allez! allez! allez! - I just waved, as my usual responses seemed a tad churlish.

[Karla]

Me: were they far away?
Cashier: oh yes, you are miles behind. She looks at me and carry on, and you know some of them were older guys!

I think it must have been my wheel / sleeping bag interface that allowed you to catch up when you did, and saved me the choice of skipping sleep or continuing on my own at Membury. 

Yet another story from the Spa Trek: As we were leaving Membury, a teenager asked me where we were going.  I replied that we were doing a loop via Sutton Scotby and then going back to Birmingham. 

I think he heard Scotland.

[Bledlow]

All night garage workers are the best, they love to interact with people who aren't pissed or psychotic.

Damon.

yebbut yebbut . . . . doesn't that disqualify a large number of audax riders? 

[teethgrinder]

I've had quite a few of these over the years.

Once, I was at a petrol garage and a lad of about 7 comes up to us and asks me how far we had ridden. I had to add up the miles and it came to about 300 miles.
He ran off to get his dad. "Dad,dad! he said, grabbing his dads hand and pointing at me. "He's ridden 300 miles!"
His dad looked me up and down, then pulled his son away.
Funny, but sad at the same time.



Another time, I set off at night for the Audax AGM. After about 30 miles, I was getting a bit dozy just north of Kettering in Northamptonshire, so stopped for a quick nap in a gateway at around midnight.
I was spotted by a motorist coming the other way who asked to see if I was OK. I said I was, but they offered me a lift. I thought it funny and declined. They were a bit insistant and asked me where I was going. Trying not to laugh, I said, "Scarborough"
A brief pause as the driver looked at the passenger, "Scarborough?" Then realistion set in, he looked surprised for a second then we laughed a bit and he was soon on his way again.



Cycling throug the Arizona desert in the dark evening, a truck full of dogs and kids stopped to offer me a lift and some floor space at their home. They were a bit worried about me having to cycle 30 miles to the next town. I reassured them that it was no big deal to me, which they were a bit uneasy about. When I told them that I'd allready ridden 130 miles and that another 30 wouldn't make much difference, they felt a lot happier.

[Noodley]

Whilst standing outside a newsagent in Banchory on an early November morning, clad in several layers of lycra and cold weather cycling kit, a small lad and his mother walked by and entered the newsagents.  The small lad looked at me and asked "Ma, what's that man doing?"  His mother took his hand and pulled him into the shop....on existing the shop he asked the same question, and she took a look at me and turned to her son and answered: "He's eating a banana"

She was right   Very astute. 

[Jaded]

On Friday on my DIY 200km I was in Broadway looking for breakfast. After getting my cash-point slip I asked a couple of locals if there was a cafe about. The nearest one was closed so the kind old chap with a 50 year old Raleigh with rod brakes (and the original brake blocks) walked me towards another cafe.
"Are you going far today?"
"Peterborough"
"That's a way, where have you come from?"
"Stroud"
"What is it to be young and fit" 

When I finally got to a cafe the woman serving asked a similar question about where I was going. "What, over the whole weekend?" she asked.

[Giraffe]

Bit OT, as on a reliability ride.

On trike, left a group and about 200m behind another, old chap leaning on his walking stick said "if you took off one of them wheels you'd catch that lot". He was right.

Later on same ride, little girl to mother "can't that man ride a proper bike?". Moot point.

[eck]

Bit OT, as on a reliability ride.

Even more OT, as on a TT.
Having a moan yesterday to my f-i-l about being just over 2k short of 600k on the Mersey Roads 24 hour TT.
He asked "Could you not have managed just to keep going for another ten minutes?"
  

[Ian H]

Bit OT, as on a reliability ride.

Even more OT, as on a TT.
Having a moan yesterday to my f-i-l about being just over 2k short of 600k on the Mersey Roads 24 hour TT.
He asked "Could you not have managed just to keep going for another ten minutes?"
   

It's true that my final 45 mins took two hours. But it seemed longer.

[MercuryKev]

During a recent DIY 600 with a few good folk of this parish, while navigating the town of Lumphanan in Aberdeenshire, the advance section of our peleton missed a turn and ended up entering a quiet cul-de-sac.  From one of the gardens came two lovely wee girls of about 7 or 8, in nice summer dresses, who were brandishing  socks with what looked like balls in them (the film Scrubs came to mind).  Said girls were shouting something about getting out of their street and swinging their improvised weapons and as we rode off one off them shouted, "touch my penis!" 

Only in Aberdeenshire.

[Deano]

On a recent (and windy) yacf ride:

MSeries: "When xxxx and I rode the xxxx, we had a worse headwind than this for the first 110 miles."
Toekneep: "The first 110 miles?!"

[Deano]

This can work in your favour, as well.

Last year, I arrived late at Sykeside campsite (popular site, as it has two pubs, as well as other facilities) near Brotherswater, at the northern end of the Kirkstone Pass, in the Lake District, on a May bank holiday weekend.  The Subaru driver who had overtaken me a hundred yards before the turn was being refused entry by the staff as "the site is full" , and had to go back and give the news to his disappointed carful of sprogs.

I wandered in and explained that I was a tired cycle tourist, having just come the huuge distance (70 miles) from Darlington, and asked how far it was to the next campsite.  "Ooh, it's quite a long way", she replied.  I did my best to look knackered and to try not to reveal that I knew the nearest campsite was at Gillside, about 6 miles away and all of it downhill...

She relented, and told me to pitch "wherever you like".  I pitched next to the rest of the group who had driven over the day before, carrying the beer in their car

[chris]

On the Cheltenham Flyer earlier this year I was following George Rowe who was riding his Trice B2. As I passed a couple of elderly ladies one of them pointed at George and said "Isn't it wonderful what they can do for the disabled these days".

[alan]

On the Cheltenham Flyer earlier this year I was following George Rowe who was riding his Trice B2. As I passed a couple of elderly ladies one of them pointed at George and said "Isn't it wonderful what they can do for the disabled theses days".

 

[border-rider]

On the Denmead 400 a few years ago, at the halfway control at W-super-Mare...

Attractive Young Lady Behind Counter asks how far we're going.  Much faux modesty ensues, and someone says, "oh, about 250 miles or so"

AYLBC: "I cycled twenty miles once..."

<Much nodding, and mutters of "well, that's a fair distance really">

AYLBC:"...in well under the hour"

 

[dougal]

"you should try the London Edinburgh London; that's a real bike ride"

This from a bus driver leaning out of his window at a junction (A27).

I had just drafted him for a few very fast km's off the South Downs to Wilmington and he was driving the Cuckmere Community Bus which may not qualify him as a bona fide bus driver.

But still, I had to ask him to repeat cos I couldn't believe what he said and I was grinning all the way back to Eastbourne.

[innesh]

I took a wee run up to Wanlockhead recently and needed a bottle of milkshake to get me back home, so I stopped in at the garage at Abington Services, got the milkshake and joined the queue to pay.  There was an american guy asking how long it might take him to get to London (it's a few hundred miles from Scotland)

The young lad on the till didn't know, so piped up, "Does anyone know how long it would take to get to London?"

Much shaking of heads, but one guy said, "It's just taken me five and half hours from Birmingham".

"Maybe 7 or 8 from here" another ventured.

I was still at the back of the queue so shouted out "Three days!"

Everyone turned to see me, stood there in the full lycra kit, then burst out laughing.  All except the american 

[valkyrie]

On a DIY 600 this Summer with Cyclops, coming into Gretna we caught up with an old guy on a fairly decent old steel framed Raleigh. Thought I'd be nice and sit on the front on the way to Annan to give him a break from the headwind. After a few miles we came into a village and he pulled alongside for a chat. Usual discussion about what you doing/where you been and I told him that we were doing an Audax. He then accused us of cheating, as we didn't have mudguards. I explained that the rules had changed a few years back and muddies weren't compulsory. He'd never done an audax but he was certain we were cheating because he knew one of the founders of AUK and if they'd changed the rules it didn't matter we were still cheating. Conversation deteriorated rapidly until I told the miserable old b***tard to f**k off. Certainly my weirdest audax experience. Cyclops, who was cycling along behind us through it all, was greatly amused.

[eck]

Conversation deteriorated rapidly until I told the miserable old b***tard to f**k off.

In a similar vein, there's a story about an incident on one of Steve Carroll's legendary rides, along the horrendously hilly north coast of Scotland. A small group had formed but one guy kept hanging off the back. At the top of each climb, the group waited for him to catch up. He would silently re-join the back of the group as they set off again. This happened several times as the miles dragged on: he'd drop off the back, they'd wait, he'd catch up and of they'd go again in silence. The were waiting for him again at the top of particularly long climb. Eventually he spoke.
"Look, will you lot just f**k off and leave me alone."