Yet Another Cycling Forum
Off Topic => The Pub => Topic started by: mrcharly-YHT on 24 February, 2022, 10:58:22 am
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Skincare inspired lube formulated specifically for the Front.
'for the front'. Is this some sort of sex lube? Why is it appearing on my facebook feed?
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Not a nonsense phrase as such, but I got spam yesterday for an EXTENDER which came with an anatomical picture. I thought it was the usual until I came across the phrase 'drug-eluting balloon dilation catheter designed for percutaneous transluminal angioplasty.' At which point I looked at the picture again and realised it was an elongated balloon stuffed inside an artery and not a penis taking a journey up the lady tunnel.
Apparently, if you want to 'maximize lumen gain' choose EXTENDER.
I'm also not sure I want a sales rep to give me a free demonstration. It sounds like it might be messy.
We've all been on the internet too long, even medical device manufacturers.
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The blurb surrounding the various shitverts for puzzle games frequently assert that “neuroscientists are BEGGING people to play this game” because it wards off Alzheimer's in much the same way as a cross wards off a vampire*. Sadly there is no mechanism by which one can slap [citation needed] on the wretched things.
* Unless they're Jewish. It was in a documentary movie. I presume the same applies to Muslim, Hindu, Sikh and Buddhist vampires.
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"Plant Based" seems to be the latest buzz-word being stuck on anything that doesn't have any animal in it.
I had some "plant based" humous the other day. What a novelty.
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Skincare inspired lube formulated specifically for the Front.
'for the front'. Is this some sort of sex lube? Why is it appearing on my facebook feed?
They may have missed out the word "derailleur"? I don't think it'll be "disc" - but you never know!
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Toyota certainly deserve some kind of award for describing petril cars as "self-charging".
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There’s a Renault advert on the anbaric distascope where raw meat is procured from a charcuterie, which I find quite upsetting.
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"Serves 2"
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“Fun-Size”
What’s “fun”about less CHOKLIT, fools?
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"Velvetising" (I skip the skip-ad before finding out what that means.)
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" ... Don't skip this ... " or " ... you don't want to miss this ... ".
I am grateful to the quack ad industry for having such simple minds that they think that I/we might be so easily manipulated.
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“Taking X by storm”
Is your shitty product the Formidable German Army circa 1940? No. No, it is not. So it is not taking the Internet/BRITAIN/wherever your ISP has a connection to the web by storm. Is it.
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" ... Don't skip this ... " or " ... you don't want to miss this ... ".
I am grateful to the quack ad industry for having such simple minds that they think that I/we might be so easily manipulated.
Hopefully you have removed all your earwax and now have your funeral sorted by non-charlatans?
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"Scientists are astonished by this . . . . "
FFS
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Interactive dining experience
(reading deeper, this is marketing speeek for "We need to fill all tables to make money, so although you can making a booking for two, you'll be sat at random on a table with two strangers")
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"Barista-style" coffee.
What, it tastes as if it has been made by a poorly paid teenager who wouldn't know a decent cup of coffee from a muddy puddle?
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'Hand Cooked'
I saw a programme some time back about a crisp factory. Not the Greg Wossname series of programmes, it was some time ago.
Anyway, the machines were huge shiny automatic things. At one point the crisps entered a huge vat of boiling oil. A chap wandered over with a large wooden paddle and gave a couple of desultory unenthusiastic stirs. If it weren't for the cameras I guess he'd have been even less interested.
It seems that this action is enough for the crisps to be labelled 'Hand Cooked'
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I note the BBC was reporting on Ukranians making Molotov cocktails by hand the other day. Because being burned utterly to DETH by artisanal petril bombs is a much more authentic experience than you get with those boring factory-made ones...
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;D
I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.
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;D
I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.
★★★★★ Fab selection of colours.
★★☆☆☆ Really hard to light.
★★★☆☆ Instructions unclear. Scorched my eyebrows off and now I'm in the Bristol Post.
★☆☆☆☆ Had to provide my own petrol. Did not destroy tank.
☆☆☆☆☆ Saw the review on BigClive's channel, but now they're out of stock everywhere :(
★★★★☆ Ended up in hospital with uncontrollable vomiting after the first three. Great night out! Would buy again.
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Sourdough.
What to they actually mean by that, when applied to bread?
Almost every commercial 'sourdough' I have ever tasted is a hybrid, with a whiff of levain and a portion of commercial yeast.
Is there any rule about what percentage of actual levain starter needs to be used before it can be labeled sourdough?
Some products seem to have had no more than a cursory whiff of the stuff.
I became aware of this when I started giving away my bread, which is 100% levain-based, a true sourdough.
I got some feedback that it was a bit 'tangier' than they were used to.
This was mostly not a complaint, just an observation.
But I've had to revert to a hybrid mix for a couple of people.
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'Hand Cooked'
I saw a programme some time back about a crisp factory. Not the Greg Wossname series of programmes, it was some time ago.
Anyway, the machines were huge shiny automatic things. At one point the crisps entered a huge vat of boiling oil. A chap wandered over with a large wooden paddle and gave a couple of desultory unenthusiastic stirs. If it weren't for the cameras I guess he'd have been even less interested.
It seems that this action is enough for the crisps to be labelled 'Hand Cooked'
Similarly, whacking a Brake Bros 50p frozen ready meal in the microwave and then putting a slice of tomato on top legally entitles a pub to advertise "Home made food, prepared using fresh ingredients".
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" ... Don't skip this ... " or " ... you don't want to miss this ... ".
I am grateful to the quack ad industry for having such simple minds that they think that I/we might be so easily manipulated.
Hopefully you have removed all your earwax and now have your funeral sorted by non-charlatans?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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;D
I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.
★★★★★ Fab selection of colours.
★★☆☆☆ Really hard to light.
★★★☆☆ Instructions unclear. Scorched my eyebrows off and now I'm in the Bristol Post.
★☆☆☆☆ Had to provide my own petrol. Did not destroy tank.
☆☆☆☆☆ Saw the review on BigClive's channel, but now they're out of stock everywhere :(
★★★★☆ Ended up in hospital with uncontrollable vomiting after the first three. Great night out! Would buy again.
LOL and, moreover, roffle!
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;D
I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.
★★★★★ Fab selection of colours.
★★☆☆☆ Really hard to light.
★★★☆☆ Instructions unclear. Scorched my eyebrows off and now I'm in the Bristol Post.
★☆☆☆☆ Had to provide my own petrol. Did not destroy tank.
☆☆☆☆☆ Saw the review on BigClive's channel, but now they're out of stock everywhere :(
★★★★☆ Ended up in hospital with uncontrollable vomiting after the first three. Great night out! Would buy again.
Fantastic Kim. You're on form tonight, matey.
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"Pan Fried" ?
As opposed to "Crotch Pot Cooking" or "Kitchen drawer fried", frying, in my book, means put Stuff in a PAN, add greasing agent of choice, add heat.. Etc.
What do they think we're going to fry stuff in?
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"Pan Fried" ?
As opposed to "Crotch Pot Cooking" or "Kitchen drawer fried", frying, in my book, means put Stuff in a PAN, add greasing agent of choice, add heat.. Etc.
What do they think we're going to fry stuff in?
Pan-fried = shallow-fried, as opposed to deep-fried
Healthier, innit ::-)
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Yebbut, in days of yore what did you deep-fry Stuffs in? A chip pan ;)
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"up to 100% flake-free" ed'n'shoulder. No, it's either 0% flakes or 100% not flake-free.
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"Three signs you could be stresslaxing"
"Why own it? When you could lown it"
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"Does exactly what it says on the tin".
Well Durr. If it didn't, we'd be continually being visited by those nice Trades Descriptions people.
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'Designer' as applied to any over-priced piece of tat, as if all those cheaper goods magiced themselves into their final form.
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"up to 100% flake-free" ed'n'shoulder. No, it's either 0% flakes or 100% not flake-free.
I think this is merely a specific example of "up to" - the catch-all phrase that does a lot of heavy lifting whenever numerical claims about a product's performance are mentioned.
The ASA, in their infinite wisdom, have decided that people are so used to "up to" meaning "we got this to happen once in a particularly favourable set of test conditions", that ISPs are now forbidden from using the phrase to describe the upper performance limit of a given broadband technology (https://www.asa.org.uk/news/new-standard-on-broadband-speed-claims-in-ads-comes-into-force-today.html). In effect, mandating that advertised broadband speeds are basically nonsense in order to bring them in line with claims made about the efficacy of washing powder.
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"twice as small as" or other variants of
No, No, No,
what you mean is half the size of
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'Limited edition'
Oh just Fuck off.
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Cinch.
That is all.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
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"Preorder":
Why not say "order"....
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"Preorder":
Why not say "order"....
This. An thousand times this.
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"Preorder":
Why not say "order"....
This. An thousand times this.
Pre-order is a worthwhile coinage, I think, to reference ordering something which is not yet available. Ordering is requesting something which is in stock and will be dispatched immediately, and pre-ordering is requesting something which isn't and therefore won't.
Different situations, so it's worth having different phrases.
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"up to 100% flake-free" ed'n'shoulder. No, it's either 0% flakes or 100% not flake-free.
I think this is merely a specific example of "up to" - the catch-all phrase that does a lot of heavy lifting whenever numerical claims about a product's performance are mentioned.
The ASA, in their infinite wisdom, have decided that people are so used to "up to" meaning "we got this to happen once in a particularly favourable set of test conditions", that ISPs are now forbidden from using the phrase to describe the upper performance limit of a given broadband technology (https://www.asa.org.uk/news/new-standard-on-broadband-speed-claims-in-ads-comes-into-force-today.html). In effect, mandating that advertised broadband speeds are basically nonsense in order to bring them in line with claims made about the efficacy of washing powder.
But if there is a single flake, it's not flake free. "Up to" is redundant here, as it's referring to the presence of a non-enumerated substance. If flakes are there in any number, its 0% flake free. If they're not, it's 100% flake free. Those are the only options. Success or failure. There is no possibility of anything in between, no spectrum of up-to.
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Deliberate misuses of parts of speech. It's not possible to "Believe in Better", because "better" isn't a thing. It's a qualification of a thing.
And yes, I get it. I do. I really do. I've a degree in Linguistics & English, and I'm a copywriter for crying out loud, I've written all manner of marketing nonsense. So I absolutely get it.
But it just reeks of "Aren't we clever?! We've subverted a language norm to do something striking, go us!" It's very pleased with itself, as a form, and it's spawned loads of other variations on the same wanky theme.
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"Preorder":
Why not say "order"....
This. An thousand times this.
Pre-order is a worthwhile coinage, I think, to reference ordering something which is not yet available. Ordering is requesting something which is in stock and will be dispatched immediately, and pre-ordering is requesting something which isn't and therefore won't.
Different situations, so it's worth having different phrases.
No. No. No. _No_.
I am placing an order. I don't care whether or not you have it in stock. If you cannot supply it you will tell me and the order will not be placed. When you have it in stock it will be delivered. If your supplier fails to deliver you will tell me and I can either leave my *order* with you for later fulfillment or cancel it as I choose. It remains an *order*.
The very nature of an order implies some delay in the supply of the goods whether you bought the items via (electronic) mail order and have to wait for the postie or you walked into a shop and it wasn't on the shelf.
"Pre-order" is *not* a useful coinage it is just more pointless fucking verbal wankery cooked up by people who are too lazy to think about the meaning of an existing word and who also think using long words is more impressive than using short simple words that express an idea perfectly well already. Yes. "pre-order" *does* piss me off. It sounds like the crappy, barely meaningful, variable names that I encounter in code where the programmer hasn't spent more than a picosecond thinking about the problem. It doesn't even sound good.
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Excursions/day trips being referred to as 'Cultural Enrichment'.
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Up to half price
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Does that mean less than half price or more than half price? ???
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It doesn't even sound good.
Both pre-order and back-order are nonsense in themselves. Pre-order sounds like a list you make of things you might want, before you put in an actual order. Back-order makes no sense (order something to be delivered in the past?).
But they're both handy shorthand for the much longer "Get on the waiting list for something that may not even have been manufactured yet" and "Order something knowing it's currently out of stock, so that you don't need keep asking if it's back in stock".
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Better than half price.
For whom? Depends on the point of view.
-25% discount.
That is, arithmetically, an increase.
...on selected items.
OK, I've selected this item, why can't I have the discount?
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There is a valid use for pre-order; books.
You can buy a book ahead of the publishing date. It can't be delivered until the publishing date, so you are pre-ordering it.
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No.
"I am placing an order. I don't care whether or not you have it in stock..."
If the reason the item is not in stock is because it has yet to be manufactured it does not alter the fact that I have placed an order. If you want to distinguish between the two cases (why? it's immaterial to me why the item cannot be supplied immediately - I will be notified and the item supplied when it is) then we have the perfectly good word, "reserve" which used to be used. As in, "reserve a copy". Pre-order is a vile little wart that we do not need.
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Pre-order and back-order make perfect sense to regular humans who aren't infected by the dread virus of pedantry. You pre-order something that has yet to become available, back-order something that's is going to be restocked.
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I'm with the Lurk on this one, I'm about to put a deposit on something that is not yet available, that is not a pre-order, it's an actual order.
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No.
"I am placing an order. I don't care whether or not you have it in stock..."
If the reason the item is not in stock is because it has yet to be manufactured it does not alter the fact that I have placed an order. If you want to distinguish between the two cases (why? it's immaterial to me why the item cannot be supplied immediately - I will be notified and the item supplied when it is) then we have the perfectly good word, "reserve" which used to be used. As in, "reserve a copy". Pre-order is a vile little wart that we do not need.
"For which I have gnashingly irrational hatred, to which I will now have to stick, in the face of explanation from those who are prepared to be measured and reasonable in their explanation" does not necessarily equal "that we do not need".
It quickly tells us something about the situation which could otherwise be described in a more long winded way, so it has purpose. Most people in the real world (you included, I imagine) do care about the availability of items being ordered. It's the opposite of immaterial, really: knowing when/if you can have the thing you're currently buying.
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Pre-order and back-order make perfect sense to regular humans who aren't infected by the dread virus of pedantry. You pre-order something that has yet to become available, back-order something that's is going to be restocked.
Pre order seems to have gained prominence since we started buying All The Things using that Internet they have these days.
Ii my day job I sell things. This involves me my customer placing an order with me. They understand* that we can't magic the goods up out of thin air and there is an amount of time required for manufacture. They don't say they are going to pre order, they order.
*shout out to those customers who don't understand that poor planning on their part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine.
Anyway, drifting away from the delights of pre ordering, I give you shop. As in Shop our range of crap. No. Just no. Shop for. Or even buy.
<old man goes back to yelling at clouds>
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I have yet to encounter this use of the word “Shop” in the wild and hope fervently never to do so. At least while the Reëducation Camps remain unbuilt.
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Didn't it used to be called "advance ordering"?
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Sorry, Lurker & ED, I have to agree with ian, mrcharly and SttV on this one.
"Pre-order" may be as grammatically suspect as "advance warning" but the phrase does serve a useful purpose and has distinct meaning.
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I have yet to encounter this use of the word “Shop” in the wild and hope fervently never to do so. At least while the Reëducation Camps remain unbuilt.
As it's a Saturday afternoon, I was perusing the internet for information about the radio 4 longwave transmitter. Dutifully my phone popped up a page saying "shop radio 4 longwave transmitter". How il postino would get it through the letter box is another matter.
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Bigly OED clearly has shop as a transitive verb, so ner.
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Bigly OED clearly has shop as a transitive verb, so ner.
Well they can FRO. Acceptable use of shop as a transitive verb is "I shopped Big Ron to the rozzers, the slag."
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Bigly OED clearly has shop as a transitive verb, so ner.
Well they can FRO. Acceptable use of shop as a transitive verb is "I shopped Big Ron to the rozzers, the slag."
My thoughts exactly.
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It has that too, but it also has shop the collection.
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Bigly OED clearly has shop as a transitive verb, so ner.
Well they can FRO. Acceptable use of shop as a transitive verb is "I shopped Big Ron to the rozzers, the slag."
My thoughts exactly.
AOL.
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“It could be as close as 13 minutes drive away.”
I suppose it might be true, but that’s a weirdly specific way of describing an out of town industrial estate.
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"The ultimate..." (applied to toothpaste or whatever).
If it's the ultimate, no better product is possible. So you've fired your entire R&D staff and closed down that department, then?
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There's always the possibility of throwing some more adjectives in there, 'Super Ultimate Plus' sort of thing, for added nonsense.
Which brings me to the marketing staple of using exciting adjectives to specify the performance of some technology which will inevitably be superseded in a few years, with resulting terminology inflation. Broadband is a chief offender (what does 'ultrafast' even mean?), but USB (where 'full speed' is slower than 'high speed') and electric vehicle chargers (where 'fast' was used too early in the game, and in practical terms now means 'slow') also come to mind. Just give us a number, so we can see that the bigger ones are better!
When the revolution comes, the perpetrators will be up against the wall. In numerical order.
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Any superlative added to ultimate must surely produce an oxymoron?
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Any superlative added to ultimate must surely produce an oxymoron?
Of course, but this is advertising!
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“It could be as close as 13 minutes drive away.”
I suppose it might be true, but that’s a weirdly specific way of describing an out of town industrial estate.
So could be further than 13 minutes away, or even, could be any distance away at all because we have no fucking idea where people watching this advert actually live?
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“It could be as close as 13 minutes drive away.”
I suppose it might be true, but that’s a weirdly specific way of describing an out of town industrial estate.
So could be further than 13 minutes away, or even, could be any distance away at all because we have no fucking idea where people watching this advert actually live?
Indeed. I hear it as “the nearest habitation is 13 minutes away”. If I find I’m only 12 minutes away I’ll be on the phone to advertising standards ultra fast.
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My most loathed word is now 'hacks'.
Makes me want to hack something (or somebody), with an axe.
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There's always the possibility of throwing some more adjectives in there, 'Super Ultimate Plus' sort of thing, for added nonsense.
Which brings me to the marketing staple of using exciting adjectives to specify the performance of some technology which will inevitably be superseded in a few years, with resulting terminology inflation. Broadband is a chief offender (what does 'ultrafast' even mean?), but USB (where 'full speed' is slower than 'high speed') and electric vehicle chargers (where 'fast' was used too early in the game, and in practical terms now means 'slow') also come to mind. Just give us a number, so we can see that the bigger ones are better!
When the revolution comes, the perpetrators will be up against the wall. In numerical order.
Not advertising, but that reminds me of "modern" jazz. It means jazz from the 1950s.
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As with vehicles - 'modern classic' for something that was grey porridge when it was made and hasn't improved with time.
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“It could be as close as 13 minutes drive away.”
I suppose it might be true, but that’s a weirdly specific way of describing an out of town industrial estate.
On the side of a van: "ETA 1 hour". 01:00h? 1 pm? How about using ETTA ffs!
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Have we had new and improved yet?
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Have we had new and improved yet?
I learned as a child that 'improved' inevitably meant I wasn't going to want to eat it any more.
(Recent example: Fairy liquid. They've 'improved' the scent, presumably for the benefit of COVID-19 sufferers. Completely coincidentally, they've launched a new - more expensive - version without any dyes or perfumes, which I'm now doomed to buying. Bastards.)
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Have we had new and improved yet?
I learned as a child that 'improved' inevitably meant I wasn't going to want to eat it any more.
(Recent example: Fairy liquid. They've 'improved' the scent, presumably for the benefit of COVID-19 sufferers. Completely coincidentally, they've launched a new - more expensive - version without any dyes or perfumes, which I'm now doomed to buying. Bastards.)
You eat Fairy liquid? :o
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Have we had new and improved yet?
I learned as a child that 'improved' inevitably meant I wasn't going to want to eat it any more.
(Recent example: Fairy liquid. They've 'improved' the scent, presumably for the benefit of COVID-19 sufferers. Completely coincidentally, they've launched a new - more expensive - version without any dyes or perfumes, which I'm now doomed to buying. Bastards.)
You eat Fairy liquid? :o
Well, Fairy Liquid is made with real lemons.
Whereas, the lemonade you've been necking, is made with lemon flavouring.
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Have we had new and improved yet?
I learned as a child that 'improved' inevitably meant I wasn't going to want to eat it any more.
(Recent example: Fairy liquid. They've 'improved' the scent, presumably for the benefit of COVID-19 sufferers. Completely coincidentally, they've launched a new - more expensive - version without any dyes or perfumes, which I'm now doomed to buying. Bastards.)
You eat Fairy liquid? :o
Not any more ;D
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I was in Halfords yesterday. Yes, I know, don't judge me though. Anyhoo, they have some kind of scheme for flogging used, or maybe ex demo bikes.
These are promoted as "Pre - pedalled".
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Second-hand bikes would be pre-peddled TAAAW.
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Banks, insurance companies etc. having "products". No, you don't, you have schemes that have only one purpose.
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One I get a lot but may not technically fit is the discounts from green houses in the RHS/Grow your own magazines which have how ever many hundreds or even thousands off the price of a greenhouse. I can't afford the savings let alone the product