The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)

[Tiger]

And you at the cashpoint - what do you think you are doing running a separate balance enquiry after you just got out some money when there is a line behind you?

[Tiger]

You - the other cyclist in the office - for heaven's sake your trainers are a biohazard - get them out of the communal wardrobe!

[bobajobrob]

To the dude that sits next to me at work and clears his throat every minute, all day, every day. It's worse than water torture! Please stop before I go nuts and kill you with a stapler!

[PeteB99]

You on the other side of the office with the phone that plays a very loud and distorted Kylie Minouge tune every time you get a text.

When you go to the coffee machine or outside for a smoke or whatever it is you do

TAKE THE FCUKING THING WITH YOU - that's why its called a MOBILE phone

and don't act upset when you find someone's turned it off - my vote was to put it in a bucket of water and leave it.

[bobajobrob]

Ahh, mobile phones - so much fun to be had! Remove the battery, hide it, chuck it out the window or make a nice a jelly, bung in the phone and pop it in the fridge

[bobb]

Mac "Users": Why do you think you're so clever? Why do you think Apple aren't a profiteering, wanky, proprietary, shit eating bunch of mercenaries?

I want to kill you all.

[nicknack]

Apple? Where's nutty?

[Chris S]

Mac "Users": Why do you think you're so clever? Why do you think Apple aren't a profiteering, wanky, proprietary, shit eating bunch of mercenaries?

I want to kill you all.

Many people feel sorry for Apple because they and more specifically Xerox at Palo Alto were mightily butt f*cked by Bill G*tes who, having ripped off their design ideas, became richer than God.

[Basil]

No!

I don't want a stress test!

I want lunch.

Please

Fuck

Off!

[Mrs Pingu]

You're a bit late for lunch aren't you Basil? No wonder you're stressed.....

[geraldc]

Acknowledging that some relationships do have to come to an end, why can't the timings ever be better, and why can't someone invent a time machine to go back a week or 2....

hmmm... actually if someone invented a time machine my life would be great. Why isn't there more funding on time machine development!!!!!!

[fuzzy]

You- Big Issue seller!

I have walked this street every day for the last two years. I have responded with a No Thanks to every offer to purchase said Big Issue.
Leave me alone

[nicknack]

Not sure whether this is a rant or a room 101 subject.

Anyway.

All you twats that buy a house within spitting distance of a pub and then complain about the noise from the pub can fuck right off. Especially the ones who complain to the council and force the pub to stop live music. I hope you die a horrible painful death.

[tiermat]

Spotty yoofs in your bold print tops and asymetric hair cuts, LEARN HOW TO CO-ORDINATE YOUR WARDROBE, I am sure at no tim ein the past, present or the future has/is/will looking like you have laid in bed, covered yourself in glue, rolled across the floor over the dirty washing and decided that is a the look you will wear out today, been a good idea...

Oh and when the train pulls up at the station, those people stood IN the train, they actually want to GET OFF, now if you could just wait the 5 seconds whilst they move forward and get off the grumpy old man with the crutches might not beat you around the legs with them! (I know this is a repeat of an early posters rant, but it got my goat on Saturday!)

[Mr Larrington]

Good morning.  So, you want to change the ring tone on your phobile moan, eh?  You have two options:

1. Do it at home, where there is no-one else to hear each and every tinny little foop-neek noise, or
2. Suffer a violent and premature death, possibly involving Mr. Shovel here.

[Greenbank]

I don't want a stress test!

Did you spot the L. R*n H*bb*rd books on the table next to the "You're very stressed, buy this book!" machines?

Rain. Fucking rain. Fucking rain and wind. Miserable sodding weather in our supposed summer. Gah.

[Tiger]

You people just sitting about in cafes - haven't you got something you ought to be doing? You are just time wasters. Get on with it.

[mattc]

Non-speccy cyclists:
Why don't you just thank god for your 'normal' eyesight instead of telling us what to do about ours?

And here is a mini-FAQ to save you asking the same bloody Qs:
- Yes, I have tried contacts. They have issues of their own on a bike (especially over-night rides, or ones involving mud-rain etc)
- Yes I have heard of laser surgery. Just because it fixed your mate with no problems doesn't make me any keener.

Just let me suffer in peace on a wet night-ride (and angle that F-ing back light down a bit won't you)?

[Wascally Weasel]

Non-speccy cyclists:
Why don't you just thank god for your 'normal' eyesight instead of telling us what to do about ours?

And here is a mini-FAQ to save you asking the same bloody Qs:
- Yes, I have tried contacts. They have issues of their own on a bike (especially over-night rides, or ones involving mud-rain etc)
- Yes I have heard of laser surgery. Just because it fixed your mate with no problems doesn't make me any keener.

Just let me suffer in peace on a wet night-ride (and angle that F-ing back light down a bit won't you)?

And watch us laugh and laugh* when a bee hits your exposed eyeball at a combined speed of 50 mph.


*not really because that would actually be horrible but it's why I'm happy to wear glasses for cycling (and I actually can't wear any sort of contacts so have no choice)

[cookiemonster]

My Flatmates -  I don't mind you borrowing my plates/pots etc but please WASH THEM UP WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED!!!

At a supermarket, in the check out, pack your food in the bags as they have been scanned.  DO NOT leave a whole week's family shopping at the end of the check out, wait until it's all been scanned, then pack it, then pay, after searching for your points card whilst a huge queue grows WAITING ON YOU YOU FECKIN' IDIOT!!!!!

Women - when at a cash machine, is it too much to ask if you could decide which card you are going to use BEFORE GETTING TO THE MACHINE!! Don't wait until you get to the machine, use 3 cards in succession, checking the balances on each one before deciding just to take out a tenner.

To one of my fellow students - The reason you are 10 stone overweight is because, every lunchtime, you have a McDonalds, the size of which could feed a family of four, with a HUGE carton of coke.  IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU HAVING A FAT GENE YOU GREEDY CNUT!!!

[ian]

Those people who insist on the getting the 521 from one end of London Bridge to the other.

You really do need the exercise.

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

My mum: grow up and stop being so childish.

[Mrs Pingu]

Weather: It's June, it's not supposed to be 4degC at night!
I'm cold.

[rogerzilla]

My cat: Stop Fighting!  At 11 you should be putting your paws up, and it's costing me money in vet bills.

[tiermat]

A quick note to anyone that use the "designer" prefix for any man made item....

THEY ALL HAVE INVOLVED A DESIGNER AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIFECYCLE! Using the designer prefix does not inferm it is good, of a high quality or will last well.  If you wanted to infer any of those, DAMN WELL SAY SO!

Mrs T was watching a program last night where a woman was looking around a house which obviously had an IKEA kitchen in it, nothing wrong with that, decent quality for the price, but in no way a high end kitchen, but they insisted on calling it a "designer" kitchen several times.....  ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Oh and just because you once worked in an estate agents, wear a suit jacket with a t-shirt and jeans and have a slap head does not mean you are a house buying expert.....