The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[ian]

(Scribbles on Post-It^TM Note; sticks same in back of passport; watches passport disintegrate)

You can find less combustible US zip codes here.

[citoyen]

I'm a technically competent person, but I come from a time when to pay for parking you put coins in a machine and it either:
a) gave you a ticket, with that special adhesive that was really hard to clean off your car window, but would cause the ticket to fall off 5 minutes before the traffic warden came round
b) let you out through a barrier

I drive so infrequently that whenever I encounter one of these 21st century ways of paying for parking I get extremely flustered.  Bonus points if it requires me to know the registration number of the car I've just been driving.

My wife is a technically competent person too, and I feel a bit mean dobbing her in for this one - after all, there but for the grace etc.

Her mistake was to pay for the car park that the app presented to her, and not check that it corresponded with the car park she was in. The one she paid for was one she had visited about a year previously, so obviously that was the last one in her search history. Easy enough error to make.

Around here they use one of the fifty-two available parking apps, all different yet alike, that will require you to identify your car park from a list of 64 nearby or input a number that you can't find. Once you've done this and input your car's registration number you'll find that there's is almost a mobile signal. The result is that you'll spend another ten minutes in the car waving your phone around in the hope of attracting a confirmatory message from the ether.

There's a local car park that used to be free until fairly recently. Then suddenly signs appeared to say you had to pay, but no physical ticket machine, it all had to be done via Ringo or somesuch. Of course, this car park is in the middle of a remote woods with no residential area nearby, hence no mobile phone masts... 

On my most recent visit to this car park, it had reverted to being free.

[Kim]

(Scribbles on Post-It^TM Note; sticks same in back of passport; watches passport disintegrate)

You can find less combustible US zip codes here.

It occurs to me that in the unlikely event of finding myself  a) in USAnia  and  b) attempting to purchase motor-spirit, I could simply use the zip code from one of the utility bills that regularly arrive to my gmail address.

[JellyLegs]

Her mistake was to pay for the car park that the app presented to her, and not check that it corresponded with the car park she was in. The one she paid for was one she had visited about a year previously, so obviously that was the last one in her search history. Easy enough error to make.

Very similar and probably equally expensive failure was to forget that last time I used the app to pay for parking, it wasn’t for our car, not look at what the phone had auto filled and pay against totally the wrong registration number.

[mrcharly-YHT]

Our 2.3 guests left on the morning ferry, which meant a 5am start.

I remembered to get out my running gear and did a run after they left. However I forgot to get clean 'work clothes' out. MrsC is asleep in the bedroom.

So I'm sat at computer in a towel and hoody. Good thing I don't have any video calls this morning.

[ian]

My wife just wanders into the bedroom, bangs around like Godzilla on a downtown walking tour for what feels like four days, before deciding what she wants to wear is in the bedroom next door anyway.

[mrcharly-YHT]

My wife just wanders into the bedroom, bangs around like Godzilla on a downtown walking tour for what feels like four days, before deciding what she wants to wear is in the bedroom next door anyway.

Wives are permitted to do that.

Partners of people with chronic insomnia are not.

[Kim]

This is one of those deaf gain things.  I can clatter about with impunity (indeed, I once hoovered just to prove I could), as long as I don't turn enough light on to see what I'm rummaging for...

[The Family Cyclist]

Her mistake was to pay for the car park that the app presented to her, and not check that it corresponded with the car park she was in. The one she paid for was one she had visited about a year previously, so obviously that was the last one in her search history. Easy enough error to make.

Very similar and probably equally expensive failure was to forget that last time I used the app to pay for parking, it wasn’t for our car, not look at what the phone had auto filled and pay against totally the wrong registration number.

My previous car was a blue i30, one digit different in the year was a blue i10. I mistyped when paying for Dartford crossing and scan read to check and basically saw i something blue and clicked OK. So got a fine and paid for a random car. Thankfully they accepted I'm an idiot and only had to pay the journey fee not any penalty charge. Have since set an account

[Beardy]

This is one of those deaf gain things.  I can clatter about with impunity (indeed, I once hoovered just to prove I could), as long as I don't turn enough light on to see what I'm rummaging for...

Well there’s got to be some gains for those of you that have to live with us 

Dr B on the other hand, just turns the lights on or opens the curtains sure in the knowledge that I’ll never retaliate becasue Even if I do manage to get up before her, she’s bound to already be awake. 

[Beardy]

Her mistake was to pay for the car park that the app presented to her, and not check that it corresponded with the car park she was in. The one she paid for was one she had visited about a year previously, so obviously that was the last one in her search history. Easy enough error to make.

Very similar and probably equally expensive failure was to forget that last time I used the app to pay for parking, it wasn’t for our car, not look at what the phone had auto filled and pay against totally the wrong registration number.

My previous car was a blue i30, one digit different in the year was a blue i10. I mistyped when paying for Dartford crossing and scan read to check and basically saw i something blue and clicked OK. So got a fine and paid for a random car. Thankfully they accepted I'm an idiot and only had to pay the journey fee not any penalty charge. Have since set an account

I got a fine after I’d set up an account because there were no funds in the account. I didn’t bother to check the account because I KNEW I’d set it up correctly.  I can’t remember if the Linked CC had expired or if I’d used it so infrequently that it had unlinked the auto pay feature, but the upshot was I had an account that didn’t pay the fee!

[Ham]

Her mistake was to pay for the car park that the app presented to her, and not check that it corresponded with the car park she was in. The one she paid for was one she had visited about a year previously, so obviously that was the last one in her search history. Easy enough error to make.

Very similar and probably equally expensive failure was to forget that last time I used the app to pay for parking, it wasn’t for our car, not look at what the phone had auto filled and pay against totally the wrong registration number.

My previous car was a blue i30, one digit different in the year was a blue i10. I mistyped when paying for Dartford crossing and scan read to check and basically saw i something blue and clicked OK. So got a fine and paid for a random car. Thankfully they accepted I'm an idiot and only had to pay the journey fee not any penalty charge. Have since set an account

SiL has a number of trucks, and uses Dartford.  One truck he bought was left on the previous owner's account for a year, and they paid all the crossing dues. This might sound good, but unfortunately you can't just add to your account without removing from the old (which you don't know so can't contact), in contrast to the congestion charge. This means that the first you know that the old owner has removed the vehicles from their account is when you get a number of penalty charges (mebbe 12?). Ouch.

(currently under appeal)

[ElyDave]

Our 2.3 guests left on the morning ferry, which meant a 5am start.

I remembered to get out my running gear and did a run after they left. However I forgot to get clean 'work clothes' out. MrsC is asleep in the bedroom.

So I'm sat at computer in a towel and hoody. Good thing I don't have any video calls this morning.

I've lost count of the times I've sat in my office in just a pair of shorts

[SoreTween]

After 2 weeks of telling myself there's something wrong with my server yet through laziness convincing myself 58˚C is normal for the CPU I eventually was motivated enough to shift the other box out the way & check the inlet.  Totally blocked.  30 seconds with the vacuum was immediately rewarded by the fans slowing & getting significantly quieter.  Ten minutes later the CPU is a 36˚C.

Div.

[canny colin]

Friday night, I Borrowed a shinny  rear derailleur  off my daughters bike & fitted it to my upright trike . It seamed to work well on the stand . But on saturday going up steep hills . It would really struggle to engage with the 28 tooth sprocket & kept jumping out , 32 tooth  sprockets fat chance. Nearly blew a fuse going from Elsdon to Winter's Gibbet . I tried all the adjustments I could think of on route , to no avail . I have read today that  its max capacity is 27 teeth . Numpty !!!     

[robgul]

Joining some new scaffold boards together to make a garden table (BIG) - using biscuit joints . . .  all ready to assemble - ran the glue along the edge of the last board, glue in the slots, insert biscuits - would it go together - much bashing with the rubber mallet to no avail . . . one biscuit didn't have its opposing slot cut . . . took the biscuit out and clamped it all up (ther are 8 biscuits about 30cm apart so no problem.

[T42]

Sounds familiar.

Meanwhile, I haz been striving with might, main and inappropriate words to get the motor wheel out of the eCow. Bugger won't shift.  Finally notice, after half an hour, that I haven't deflated the tyre and it's jammed up tight against the brake bridge.  <growl>

[The Family Cyclist]

Despite being tired instead of the wife driving one of the kids friends home then me hitching the old kiddie cycle trailer to my bike and going to the shop for our weekly shop I suggested I'll roll into one journey and do the shop

As we started in lockdown weeks meals planned and list made in order you get round the shop

Salmon on the list, couldn't remember what for and slightly shocked at price but must be for one of the wife's meals so got it

Get back home and realise she'd actually written salami which is for the pizzas I'm making on weekend

[ElyDave]

Pottering about in the garden, planting stuffs, my thoughts turned to inner tubes for my new build. Must not forget those, I thought, I don't have any other 650b wheels.

Ten mins later I remembered its a tubeless build, and I already have a tube in ye shedde

[Mr Larrington]

We, or rather Professor Larrington, has finally heard back from the Office of the Public Grauniad concerning Power of Attorney over Lt. Col. Larrington (retd.)'s affairs.  It would seem that some div entered his d.o.b. wrong on the form

Now someone has to find Something Official with his d.o.b. on it.  And his last, long-expired passport has artfully concealed itself in a SEEKRIT location.  And… arse

Edit: Improbably, both his birth stiffticket and pisspot have been unearthed.  Yay! for Carina the Carer and her l33t f1nd1n9-th1n95 5k1llz

[Mrs Pingu]

Grumbling because we're getting to the end of the loaf and I won't have time to start making bread tomorrow cos I'll be at the hairdresser. How did we get through 2 loaves already?
Makes another 2 batches of dough.

10 mins later Pingu appears with a loaf he found in the freezer.
We didn't get through 2 loaves already. 

[ElyDave]

Recabled the RD on the turbo bike, Microshift RD worked like a dream.  Released the clamp on the FD cable to replace that one as well, reacher under the down tube to snip the cable and pull out either end.

Well, that was the plan, only I didn't reach far enough - shiny new RD cable...

[mrcharly-YHT]

Recabled the RD on the turbo bike, Microshift RD worked like a dream.  Released the clamp on the FD cable to replace that one as well, reacher under the down tube to snip the cable and pull out either end.

Well, that was the plan, only I didn't reach far enough - shiny new RD cable...

BTDTGTTT

My usual trick is to carefully cut the cable outer for the rear, put cut bit aside. Then remove front outer, pick up new cable outer, cut to match front . . . and realise I've just chopped the carefully-measured rear.

[T42]

Cleaning bike bits in workshop. MrsT halfway through ½ marathon.  Phone burbles "new SMS". Muggins pulls vinyl glove off hand, pulls phone out of shorts pocket, answers, goes to put phone back, sees smear of glove talc around pocket. Damn, brush it off reflexively, rub it further in.  New shorts, that was. Drat.

[The Family Cyclist]

The wife (slightly under) cooked a delicious roast aubergine and tomatoe thing for dinner last night

Was rather spicy. I commented on this and everyone agreed. Confusing looks from the wife as she hadn't added anything spicy

Turns out lidl do tinned toms with chilli and garlic which muggins had picked up by mistake