Tour de France 2018

[SoreTween]

Where was Cav?

(click to show/hide)

Dropped off the back with a couple of k to go, we didn't see why.

[mzjo]

Yeah, sadly I think we've seen it from Mr C.  I'll be mildly surprised if Kittel does much either.  Gaviria will hopefully be this year's man.

Be careful; prophets that are too successful sometimes come to sticky ends, biblically speaking. Otherwise congratulations on your first stage success. I hope you had some money on it!!

[citoyen]

Where was Cav?

He had a mechanical about 5km out.

I would suggest it was a Di2 failure but we all know that never happens.

[Mr Larrington]

O hai!  P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz^TM® iz bak.  Soz 4 teh latez; we was watching teh foopball.

Stage 1: Ile De Noirmoutier->Fontenay-le-Comte

G Imlach:	O hai! I am TV's G Imlach and I am excellent! And welcome 2 teh 2018 Tour ov France!
Bethany [8]:	O hai! I am Bethany [8] and I, also, am excellent!
Omnes:	Yay! 'tis Bethany [8] and her merry quips!
G Imlach:	Shut it, u clamouring molluscs! There is room onli 4 1 merry quipster on this prog. and that is me, G Imlach! However, some muppet has chosen 2 start teh race @ audax o'clock. Who would do such a ghastly thing, eh? EH?
Evil C Boardman:	Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Also ha ha!
Bethany [8]:	At least it gives me an hour or 2 b4 mi mum wakes up. Off her tits agane last nite teh fukn c-o-w!
EC Boardman:	Wot, liek C Froome, sniff sniff aha ha ha ha ha ha?
G Imlach:	Drugs! C Froome! TV's Wooden D Friebe!
C Froome:	I never done nuffink! It musta been 2 otha fellas! Assmar!
Nice C Boardman:	WADA? WANKAS, moar liek! Can ov worms inside a can ov worms!
Omnes:	What did he just say?
SD Millar:	O hai! I am TV's Super D Millar and I am not only excellent but also haz teh fabulous hair! Rodeo!
Omnes:	What did he just say?
G Imlach:	Who will win, NC Boardman, if not C Froome?
NC Boardman:	R Porte, M Landa, I Montoya N Quintana, A Yates, R Bardet, TD Windmill, G Thomas and Bethany [8]’s Dad!
G Imlach:	Thank u, NC Boardman! [Aside] Idiot!!1!
NC Boardman:	Stage 1. Wind!
Omnes:	Fck! Off!
NC Boardman:	No, wait! Come back! I haz SCIENCE!
G Imlach:	2 slo, Niec C! It iz tiem 4 teh colemantators!
N Boulting:	O hai! I am TV's *** Boulting and I am excellent! [Indicates map] I haz a map!
SD Millar:	O hai! I am... wait a sec! I already doned this bit. C me point @ ***'s map! [Points @ ***’s map].
Omnes:	Just as long as u don't keep ur "fabulous" hair under a wankhat, Super D!
SD Millar:	Fck off! Your all gay!!1!
N Boulting:	Known unknowns! Unknown unknowns! Predictably unpredictable! CP Sagan!
Omnes:	U utter tit, ***!
N Boulting:	Salt! An epicure's delight!
Bethany [8]:	This iz going 2 be teh longest 3 weeks ov mi life, isn't it?
N Boulting:	TD Gendt! Racing beast, tactical radish, futile break! Ect and, moreover, ect!
TD Gendt:	Shut! Up!
	Enfin
C Prudhomme:	OK! Off u fck!
SD Millar:	C 3 French no-hopers form teh futile break! It's gonna be 1 ov those days. Iz lunchtiem yet?
N Boulting:	No. No, SD Millar, it is not.
SD Millar:	Piss!
N Boulting:	Wind! Not.
SD Millar:	Wind! Gels! Ammo belt!
Omnes:	What did he just say?
SD Millar:	Motivated pelican! Cat and mouse game!
M Kitteh:	U called? Also, miaow!
T Orslanda Jr:	Hurrah!
N Boulting:	Bonus sprints? Seconds away? Qualification thingummy-wossnames?
SD Millar:
Bethany [8]:	I wish I'd said that!
N Boulting:	Geology prep! Scenery! M Smith and his captive TG Hart!
SD Millar:	Lunchtiem! Yay!
	Grams: WHOOOOOOSH!!1!
M Smith:	Thank u *** mi guest iz TG Hart Tour ov California G Thomas!
TG Hart:	Mumble drone Dauphiné blah predictably unpredictable Vuelta!
Omnes:	FFS! They're all @ it!
TG Hart:	Big engines!
Omnes:	Kill! Him!
Bethany [8]:	Oh-oh, mi mumz wokin up! Tiem 2 go round 2 5’s!
	Grams: WHOOOOOOSH!!1!
5’s Mummy:	Air, hellay, Bethany! Do have a kumquat!
T Orslanda:	Yay!
Bethany [8]:	Fankumissispoulidorfeatherstonehaugh!
5's Mummy:	Syrah!
5:	O hai bef'ny anyfink hapnin yet?
Bethany [8]:	Crap joaks, mostly.
5:	Haz G Thomas bin on? [Huge sigh] He's so yummalicious!
G Thomas:	FFS, not agane! I mite haz 2 fall off mi biek, retire from teh race and go 2 teh pub!
Bethany [8]:	No. No, he haz not. Just M Smith and TG Hart droning onanonanonanonanon & making me wish SD Millar would wear a wankhat @ us 4 lite releef!
M Smith & TG Hart:	Wibble France R Bardet W Barguil mountain Hackney M Cavendish E Merckx DI2 break futile Wind rinse and repeat!
N Boulting:	We're baaaaaaaaack! Wind!
SD Millar:	[Snoring]
N Boulting:	M Cavendish?
SD Millar:	M Cavendish! England expects! Focus M Kitteh A Greipel teh goriler ov 3b!
Omnes:	Munkeh!!1!
N Boulting:	Lead-out trane M Renshaw EH Boson?
SD Millar:	Yes. [Enormous jaw-cracking yawn]
N Boulting:	GV Avermaet R Porte!
GV Avermaet:	Shut! Up!
N Boulting:	Unexpected expectations! Salt! Vendée Globe! FFS, Super D, save me!!1! N Bouhanni?
N Bouhanni:	Oi! Wnkr! Want some?
SD Millar:	Ur such a wnkr, N Bouhanni, that ur not even on teh race! Cofidis focus behaviours C Vasseur!
N Bouhanni:	He can fck off as well!
	[Later]
N Boulting:	Whales! Boats! W Barguil!
SD Millar:	Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee's shit! Well, this year.
Bethany [8]:	Watch ur step, Super D! U still owe me, remember!
SD Millar:	Ulp!
	[Laterer]
SD Millar:	Chateau! Fixer-upper!
NF Knowles:	U called?
Omnes:	Fck! Off!
N Boulting:	Big Australian diesel engines!
SD Millar:	Cobblestones!
ML Maire:	Aieeeeeeee! Flashbacks!
N Boulting:	Right, lunch!
M Smith:	WTF? U already had lunch!
N Boulting:	No, M Smith. No, we haz not. Just cocktails.
	Grams: WHOOOOOOSH!!1!
M Smith & TG Hart:	Heat swimming pool drone Worlds Vuelta cliché 4 sure incredible S ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]anel R Porte pavé GV Avermaet! Intermediate sprint?
Omnes:	WTF? Bring back 1-man translation engine M Rendall!
	[More laterer]
N Boulting:	F Craddock crash bang wallop feed zone! Crazy sport!
CP Sagan:	U got that rite *** hah hah aha ha! Crazy!
N Boulting:	[Improving desperately] Intermediate migrating bird mussels oysters sprint Cavendish! Minty!
SD Millar:	Electric motors ptui!
N Boulting:
Omnes:	This ^^^^.
N Boulting:	F Craddock. All sorts ov trub.
F Craddock:	Can I go hoam?
R Úran:	No. No, you cannot!
Omnes:	Who said that?
Bethany [8]:	Watch it, u lot! That's mi dad ur diss... oops!
Omnes:	Surely u jest, Bethany [8]?
Bethany [8]:	When I maek a joak I wiggle mi ears. U c mi ears wigglin'? Well, do ya, punks?
Omnes:
N Boulting:	Tiem 4 TV's rnser 2 Deep Thought, M Rendall!
M Rendall:	O hai mi M Rendall blong sieg heil! Mi tellim histoire do mãn rénaïsso loris del geen vitessimo!
N Boulting:	G Imlach?
M Rendall:	Nyet! F Rabelais Greekish habit Pantagruel pantograph Gargantua hattifattner mēt teh fedäraussprung blong mi kuzin perfetto! Vladimir Putain!
SD Millar:	Has he gone yet?
N Boulting:	J Degenkolb finger. Nails.
SD Millar:	Fingernail ba-dum tish?
Omnes:	Don't give up ur day job, Super D!
N Boulting:	Look, see, a Frenchman there, riding a bicycle strapped 2 teh roof ov hiz car!
SD Millar:
N Boulting:	Well, if he hadn't doned it we wouldn't hav seed it!*
SD Millar:
N Boulting:	Dog! Dog on teh pitch! Always a Labrador!
SD Millar:	Isn't he teh new president ov Mexico?
	[Laterer]
N Boulting:	Harmonious coöperation!
SD Millar:	Wasn't that Teh Datsuns' first single?
N Boulting:	Get! Out!
SD Millar:	[Sulks]
N Boulting:	Mountain! Sprint! Wooo!
K Ledanois:	Yay! Spottyjumper!
W Pigs:	Ur not Danish!
K Ledanois:	Ssssssh!
SD Millar:	Time spent in reconnaissance is sometimes wasted. They fiddle with something at teh back of teh room and traffic islands. Disappear!
N Boulting:	F Craddock. All sorts ov trub.
F Craddock:	Can I go hoam? Plz!
Bethany [8]:	Don't even think about it, sonny!
SD Millar:	Teh 2 riders off teh front r all out. Or all in.
Omnes:	Ur turn 2 spike hiz covfefe toda, ***?
Y Offredo:	Tiem bonus! 3 sec... oh! Arse!
MP Cousin:	LOL @ Y Offredo!
F Craddock:	Can I go hoam? Plz!
N Boulting:	Crash! Yoicks!
SD Millar:	R Porte. Y he there? Tw@!
N Boulting:	A Demare!
N Bouhanni (via e-mail):	Oh boo fukn hoo!
N Boulting:	Crash! Yoicks! T $ky rider!
5:	Nooooooo! Not G Thomas?!1?
SD Millar:	No. No, not him. 4 a change.
5:	Phew. Ooooooh, poneys!
SD Millar:	Crash! C Froome!!1!
C Froome:	Noes! Mi jumper iz dirty!
TP Fairy:	O hai! O hai, I Montoya N Quintana! Stab, stab, stabEEEE!
N Quintana:	Piss!
N Boulting:	Sprint! SprintEEEE!
F Gardenia:	Yay! Winnage! Shinyjumper!
CP Sagan:	Arse! Also, crazy!
M Kitteh:	Piss! Also, miaow!
Bethany [8]:	Well, that was interesting!
EC Boardman:	A hahahaha ha ha. Ahahaha ha!

* Yes, he really did say this.  In fakt, all dialogue is faithfully reported except where it isn't.

[Karla]

Yeah, sadly I think we've seen it from Mr C.  I'll be mildly surprised if Kittel does much either.  Gaviria will hopefully be this year's man.

Be careful; prophets that are too successful sometimes come to sticky ends, biblically speaking. Otherwise congratulations on your first stage success. I hope you had some money on it!!

No money, no.

The Colombians get a consolation prize after losing the football, Crash Froome strikes again and Bardet, Nibbles and Landa are now looking healthy for GC after not losing time.  I call that a good result all round.

[Hot Flatus]

Me too.

Froome will be on the phone to the UCI to find out what he can get away with this time.

[Mrs Pingu]

O hai!  P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz^TM® iz bak.

\o/

[Pingu]

TV's *** Boulting's English pronunciation of 'bonification' makes it sound like it means 'erection'.

[Beardy]

O hai!  P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz^TM® iz bak. 

Bethany [8]:.

I thought this had been discussed and resolved, but here I find this the ambiguity is perpetuated. PP really ought to get its shiz together given the level ov the subscription fees it collects....[/td][/tr][/table]

[Mr Larrington]

Bethany [8]:	OK i dose this 1 more tiem. During teh last Tour ov France i was Bethany (7). Now iz 1 year later and im Bethany [8]. Its not liek I lied about mi age 2 join teh French FOREIGN Legion or sumfink!
Bethany's Mum:	Where u bin, u dirty stop-out? Hangin out wif dat posh bint an her tooffe-noze dor'er?
	[FX: Double-forte slap]
Bethany [8]:	Owwwwwwwwwwwww! [Aside] Fukn c-o-w!  Ne1 kno if i can put mislef up 4 adopshun?

[De Sisti]

Bethany [8]:	OK i dose this 1 more tiem. During teh last Tour ov France i was Bethany (7). Now iz 1 year later and im Bethany [8]. Its not liek I lied about mi age 2 join teh French FOREIGN Legion or sumfink!
Bethany's Mum:	Where u bin, u dirty stop-out? Hangin out wif dat posh bint an her tooffe-noze dor'er?
	[FX: Double-forte slap]
Bethany [8]:	Owwwwwwwwwwwww! [Aside] Fukn c-o-w!  Ne1 kno if i can put mislef up 4 adopshun?

WTF is this?

[PaulF]

Bethany ( ) [8] is our resident TdeF pundit here to provide insight into the nuances of the tour that would escape mere cyclists like us

[quixoticgeek]

WTF is this?

So glad I'm not the only one thinking that...

J

[Mr Larrington]

Enlightenment may be achieved by reading the threads for the 2016 and 2017 Tours and the 2016 Olympics.

We now return you to your scheduled bickering about doping.

[Nick H.]

Alrighty. So this is why I'm suddenly admiring Froome's sang froid in coping with his stitch-up. He was accused of being 100% over the salbutamol limit, but when dehydration was taken into account it was actually 20%. The WADA guy responsible said that he'd made "a terrible blunder" when he calculated the threshold. Inhaling salbutamol has no known performance benefit.  Salbutamol isn't a banned substance, it's a restricted one. Froome claims that he's been asthmatic since childhood - i.e. he's not being treated for a new condition which has magically appeared since he joined Sky. (I assume he wouldn't make this claim falsely, as it's probably easy to verify?)  We would never have known about the salbutamol reading if someone at the UCI hadn't leaked it. And much of Froome's criticism is blowback from the hamfisted way in which way Sky handled the jiffy back case...it's not fair to blame Froome for that.

http://road.cc/content/news/244597-scientist-behind-wada-salbutamol-rules-sided-froome
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/jul/05/team-sky-tour-de-france-rival-education-first-chris-froome-jonathan-vaughters

[Mr Larrington]

TV's Super D Millar is wearing a baseball cap.  It's going to be one of those days...

[Beardy]

Bethany [8]:	OK i dose this 1 more tiem. During teh last Tour ov France i was Bethany (7). Now iz 1 year later and im Bethany [8]. Its not liek I lied about mi age 2 join teh French FOREIGN Legion or sumfink!
Bethany's Mum:	Where u bin, u dirty stop-out? Hangin out wif dat posh bint an her tooffe-noze dor'er?
	[FX: Double-forte slap]
Bethany [8]:	Owwwwwwwwwwwww! [Aside] Fukn c-o-w!  Ne1 kno if i can put mislef up 4 adopshun?

Ah, my bad. I had it in my mind for some reason that Bethany [8] was Bethany [8] last year and as you say, she was Bethany [7] last year ( I checked!). I’ll make an entry in the ‘I’m a Div’ thread later 

[benborp]

Lawson Craddock is asking people to match (or whatever they can manage) his donation of $100 to his local velodrome's hurricane relief fund for each stage he manages to finish.

https://twitter.com/lawsoncraddock/status/1015697616125026304?s=09

Must be a stable fracture then...

[Nick H.]

What's going on with Chavanel's ginormous jockey wheel?

Edit: must be this thing. A 3 watt saving in drivetrain friction https://bikerumor.com/2015/08/26/will-putting-larger-diameter-wheels-on-your-road-bike-make-you-faster-ceramicspeed-thinks-so/

[Mr Larrington]

Craddock looked a bit rough at the rollout this morning but chapeau to the lad for turning up.  Chapeau also to Sylvain ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]anel out front on his own.  In his 18th Tour

What's going on with Chavanel's ginormous jockey wheel?

Less unpleasant bending for the chain would be my guess.  Or marketing hype.

[T42]

Alrighty. So this is why I'm suddenly admiring Froome's sang froid in coping with his stitch-up. He was accused of being 100% over the salbutamol limit, but when dehydration was taken into account it was actually 20%. The WADA guy responsible said that he'd made "a terrible blunder" when he calculated the threshold. Inhaling salbutamol has no known performance benefit.  Salbutamol isn't a banned substance, it's a restricted one. Froome claims that he's been asthmatic since childhood - i.e. he's not being treated for a new condition which has magically appeared since he joined Sky. (I assume he wouldn't make this claim falsely, as it's probably easy to verify?)  We would never have known about the salbutamol reading if someone at the UCI hadn't leaked it. And much of Froome's criticism is blowback from the hamfisted way in which way Sky handled the jiffy back case...it's not fair to blame Froome for that.

http://road.cc/content/news/244597-scientist-behind-wada-salbutamol-rules-sided-froome
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/jul/05/team-sky-tour-de-france-rival-education-first-chris-froome-jonathan-vaughters

Fairness is the last thing to expect from fans.  Being accused of doping is like being accused of kiddie-fiddling: you can be proven innocent ten times over but some people will have so much fun persecuting you they won't stop.


---o0o---

Meanwhile, I can't hear the name Gaviria without my mind adding Pablo Emilio Escobar in front of it. No fair: Gaviria in Colombia is like Smith in dirty-weekend hotels.

[Beardy]

How is one chap managing to still be increasing his lead while he’s all on his ownsome. It’s one hell of a ride.

[Hot Flatus]

Alrighty. So this is why I'm suddenly admiring Froome's sang froid in coping with his stitch-up. He was accused of being 100% over the salbutamol limit, but when dehydration was taken into account it was actually 20%. The WADA guy responsible said that he'd made "a terrible blunder" when he calculated the threshold. Inhaling salbutamol has no known performance benefit.  Salbutamol isn't a banned substance, it's a restricted one. Froome claims that he's been asthmatic since childhood - i.e. he's not being treated for a new condition which has magically appeared since he joined Sky. (I assume he wouldn't make this claim falsely, as it's probably easy to verify?)  We would never have known about the salbutamol reading if someone at the UCI hadn't leaked it. And much of Froome's criticism is blowback from the hamfisted way in which way Sky handled the jiffy back case...it's not fair to blame Froome for that.

http://road.cc/content/news/244597-scientist-behind-wada-salbutamol-rules-sided-froome
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/jul/05/team-sky-tour-de-france-rival-education-first-chris-froome-jonathan-vaughters

Fairness is the last thing to expect from fans.  Being accused of doping is like being accused of kiddie-fiddling: you can be proven innocent ten times over but some people will have so much fun persecuting you they won't stop.

Bollocks.

Ask yourself why nearly all the discussion on doping is focussed around Froome.  And no, he hasn't won all grand tours since 2012.

You'll see other accusations surrounding some other recent GT winners, Horner for example.

To think it is just random is to show an ignorance of the sport.

[Nick H.]

This salbutamol story seems clear and you have nothing to say about it. 

[Samuel D]

How is one chap managing to still be increasing his lead while he’s all on his ownsome. It’s one hell of a ride.

Because it’s not in the peloton’s interest to close the gap yet, since if Chavanel is brought back too early, another break will form and that one may be more dangerous or less satisfactory to all teams.