Weird Spam subject lines...

[geraldc]

My mate's been collecting them

" I am increasingly amused by some of the spam emails I've been getting lately, offering fake headlines in hopes of inducing people to click on their links. Here's just a sample:

"Killer dogs rip girl to shreds, state considering ban"
"Paris Hilton Lectures On Dickens And Dostoevski"
"JFK long-lost heir found"
""brainstorming" To Be Banned Under Equality And Diversity Rules"
"Osama backs gangs and mafias"
"Massive firearms seizure at NY cargo terminal gives clues to terrorist plans"
"Sleeping around helps in anti aging"
"Drilling finds oil in New York City"
"Horse bites man's neck in zoo"
"US Senator found guilty of treason"
"Boob grabber caught on cctv"
"Horse gets swallowed by snake"
"Fox News Personally Confirms Pope's Death"
"Theodore Roosevelt Was A Gay Man"
"NASA discovers unknown planet in solar system, alien lifeforms likely"
"Bush admits to anti-semitism"
"Used condoms found in Obama's suitcase during election campaign"
"Ninja attack in New York Times Square"
"Both Obama And Mccain Claim That They Will Deport Elton John"

 None of these, however, can quite beat my favourite, which harks back to a more old-school spamming style, but which is simply charming:

"Brring your wife We'll ffuck her! That's right we'll fuckk your wife!"

[JT]

Angelina Jolie Set To Destroy Own Vagina

[JT]

Heather To Have Other Leg Removed

[fruitcake]

Ronald Reagan Prime Suspect In Bank Robbery

Unlikely.

[RichForrest]

Attack of the zombie negroes: Dick Cheney


Laika The Russian Space Dog, Returns To Earth

[Pete]

I remember the one, from when I was a kid, that went:
Archduke Franz Ferdinand found alive!  WWI a mistake!
but that wasn't from spam, indeed it pre-dates the internet by at least 40 years.

And then there was the appearance on the scene, in the 1960s, of Grand Duchess Anastasia (I think?) - who claimed to have survived the shoot-out at Ekaterinenburg....

[Mr Larrington]

I got this one yesterday:

From: jacque killer <lifeterminator@gmail.com>
To: Mr Larrington
Subject: YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER......

SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

Attention:


I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end like this if you don't comply, i was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it within10 days.Someone you call your friend wants you dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person also came to us and told us that he wants you dead and he provided us your names, photograph and other necessary information we needed about you. If you are in doubt with this I will send you to death.

Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately because I just felt something good and sympathetic about you. I decided to contact you first and know why somebody will want you dead by all means. Right now my men are monitoring you, their eyes are on you, and even the place you think is safer for you to hide might not be. Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? It is up to you. Get back to me now if you are ready to enter deal with me, I mean life trade, who knows, and I might just spear your life, $9,000 is all you need to spend. You will first of all pay $1,500 usd then I will send the tape of the person that want you dead to you and when the tape gets to you, you will pay the remaining $7,500 usd If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment after all I have already being paid before now.

Warning: do not think of contacting the police or even tell anyone because I will extend it to any member of your family since you are aware that somebody want you dead, and the person knows all members of your family as well. For your own good I will advise you not to go out once is 7pm until I make out time to see you and give you the tape of my discussion with the person who want you dead then you can use it to take any legal action.

Good luck as I await your urgent respond.
Thanks,

 

[Kathy]

So either he kills you, or you pay him $9000 and he will "spear your life". 

I'd say you're screwed either way. 

[Adrian]

Ladies and Gentlemen

I believe we have a winner

[Jaded]

Attention to me...
I am your chance: Welcome to the Euro Club Casino
!

Body, not subject, but weird!

[Ian H]

Not succinct:-

"Discover the rewards that come with Advantage membership and start earning money from HM Revenue & Customs Advantage Program"

Greetings from HM Revenue & Customs


The contents of this email and any attachments are confidential and as applicable, copyright in these is reserved to HM Revenue & Customs.
Unless expressly authorised by us, any further dissemination or distribution of this email or its attachments is prohibited.

Today, after the last annual calculation of your fiscal activity we have determined that your are eligible to receive a tax refund of 224,58 GBP
We have attached the tax refund form with your "tax refund number id: UK/38HMRC928841", complete the tax refund form attached to this message.

 Welcome to HM Revenue & Customs Advantage(R) program, the first and largest loyalty program in the world!

We are proud to inform you that last week HM Revenue & Customs  launch a new reward program.
I'm writing to confirm that after Advantage(R) program we have determined that you are eligible to receive the bonus of 100.00 GBP.

Your total amount is 324,58 GBP, please complete the form attached to this message and follow the steps.

Thank you very much for your help and your patient and hope you will enjoy the HM Revenue & Customs reward program in the future.

Sincerely,
HM Revenue & Customs Reward Department
Please do not reply to this auto-answer message

Discover the rewards that come with Advantage membership and start earning money from HM Revenue & Customs Advantage Program or:

    * leading hotel chains
    * car rental agencies
    * credit/debit cards
    * dining
    * financial services
    * retail and gifts
    * vacations and cruises

It comes with a pdf attachment.

[Mr Larrington]

While the subject of this one was utterly mundane, the content caused me to grin a bit:

--
OFFICE OF THE PRIME MINISTER
TREASURY AND MINISTER FOR CIVIL SERVICE,
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM.

Our ref: ATM/13470/IDR
Your ref:...Date: 26/11/2009

IMMEDIATE PAYMENT NOTIFICATION

I am The Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP,Prime Minister British Government.  This letter is to officially inform you that (ATM Card Number  048000101775550) has been accredited with your favor. Your Personal  Identification Number is 477.The VISA Card Value is ?60,000.00 (Four  Hundred and Sixty Thousand, Great British Pounds Sterling).

This office will send to you a Visa/ATM CARD that you will use to  withdraw your funds in any ATM MACHINE CENTER or Visa card outlet  anywhere in the world with a maximum of ?000 GBP daily. Further more,You will be required to re-confirm the following information to  enable;The Rt Hon David Miliband MP Secretary of State for Foreign and  Commonwealth Office. begin in processing of your VISA CARD.

(1)Full names: (2)Address: (3)Country: (4)Nationality: (5)Phone #: 
(6)Age:  (7)Occupation: ( Post Codes:


TAKE NOTICE: That you are warned to stop further communications with  any other person(s) or office(s) different from the staff of the State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs to avoid hitches in receiving
your payment.


Regards,

The Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP
Prime Minister

How daft are these people?

[robgul]

I had a new one this week that foxed me completely in terms of why/WTF ...

It was for a Russian girl (no photo or measurements supplied) wittering on about being poor and asking if I could send her a wood-burning stove.

Now, unless I'm missing something and "wood-burning stove" has an alternative meaning (I may have led a sheltered life?) then what's it all about?

Whatever - I sent her my bank details anyway 

Rob

[Gus]

 " In a Sieve they went to sea " 

and

 "Droid that killed politicians" 

[robgul]

Just had another odd one today :
============
Dear friends,

We are a small singing group (four people) from St. Petersburg, Russia. We often go on concert tours abroad and we would be happy to give concert at your venue, church or hall. Please, contact us if interested or able to help.

Kind regards
Andrey Sysoev
LYRA vocal ensemble
St. Petersburg, Russia
============

Perhaps they'll all wear wetsuits under their clothes and jump off the ferry in Poole harbour en route  .... if you've seen the news in the last day or two

Rob

[MattH]

I had a new one this week that foxed me completely in terms of why/WTF ...

It was for a Russian girl (no photo or measurements supplied) wittering on about being poor and asking if I could send her a wood-burning stove.

Now, unless I'm missing something and "wood-burning stove" has an alternative meaning (I may have led a sheltered life?) then what's it all about?

That one is easy. The woodburning stove is something so simple and basic that it doesn't seem an extravagance; the hope is that you will help out because of this. However, they are also big and heavy and expensive to ship to her, so she'll helpfully suggest that you just send the cash instead and she can buy one locally - they are only about US$150.
Elena or Olya are the common names of the young lady in question.

[border-rider]

"where are you so that i could get a kitten"

on an empty email

followed a few minutes later by an email from the same person with no subject, but containing the text:

"please anwer me back!

i would like to geta gray or black kitten that is not not too puffy."

Well yes.  Who'd want a puffy kitten ? (actually, I might...)

[Mr Larrington]

While the subject of this one was utterly mundane, the content caused me to grin a bit:

--
OFFICE OF THE PRIME MINISTER
TREASURY AND MINISTER FOR CIVIL SERVICE,
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM.

Our ref: ATM/13470/IDR
Your ref:...Date: 26/11/2009

IMMEDIATE PAYMENT NOTIFICATION

I am The Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP,Prime Minister British Government.  This letter is to officially inform you that (ATM Card Number  048000101775550) has been accredited with your favor. Your Personal  Identification Number is 477.The VISA Card Value is ?60,000.00 (Four  Hundred and Sixty Thousand, Great British Pounds Sterling).

This office will send to you a Visa/ATM CARD that you will use to  withdraw your funds in any ATM MACHINE CENTER or Visa card outlet  anywhere in the world with a maximum of ?000 GBP daily. Further more,You will be required to re-confirm the following information to  enable;The Rt Hon David Miliband MP Secretary of State for Foreign and  Commonwealth Office. begin in processing of your VISA CARD.

(1)Full names: (2)Address: (3)Country: (4)Nationality: (5)Phone #: 
(6)Age:  (7)Occupation: ( Post Codes:


TAKE NOTICE: That you are warned to stop further communications with  any other person(s) or office(s) different from the staff of the State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs to avoid hitches in receiving
your payment.


Regards,

The Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP
Prime Minister

How daft are these people?

This morning I received an almost word-for-word copy of this one, save that it purported to come from David Cameron and my details should be sent to William Hague.

A pity, then, that it still concludes with the salutation from Gordon Brown

[clarion]

Perhaps it's secretly a broader coalition than we thought

[border-rider]

This morning I received an almost word-for-word copy of this one, save that it purported to come from David Cameron and my details should be sent to William Hague.

well, we are told there is no money left. Maybe this is indicative of the new culture of thrift and enterprise we are all to soon start to enjoy

[clarion]

Actually, any emails about money being handed out should be going just to the very rich, as usual.

[Wowbagger]

Subject: United Nations Payment from Mr. Banki Moon

Attention:

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family? You may not understand why this email came to you. We have been having a meeting for the passed 7

months which ended 2 days ago with the then secretary to the UNITED NATIONS.

This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of USD $850,000

(Eight hundred and fifty thousand United State Dollars Only), This also includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that

have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc.

We found your name in our list and that is why we are contacting you, this has been agreed upon and have been signed.

You are advised to contact Rev. Dale Robinson of INTERCONTINENTAL BANK NIGERIA PLC, as he is our representative in Nigeria, contact him immediately for your

payment of USD$850,000 (Eight hundred and fifty thousand United State Dollars Only)which way you need the fund to be delivered. So he will send it to you and you

can clear it in any bank of your choice.

You are advice to get in contact with Rev. Dale Robinson and provide him with below information.

Full Name:
Address:
Telephone Number:

Person to Contact Rev. Dale Robinson
Email: c-care_intercontinentalbplc-ng@blog.lt
Tel: +234- 705 -7216-967

Thanks and God bless you and your family.

Hoping to hear from you as soon as you cash your Fund.

Making the world a better place.

Regards,
Mr. Ban Ki-Moon
UN Secretary General

[woollypigs]

Ever wondered where they come from ?

See where spam originates

There is one at Bank Tube station in London ...

[andygates]

...doesn't that mostly suggest that (1) the Indians don't mask their IPs as much as the rest and (2) that IP densi-throb doesn't necessarily match spam volume?

[Steve Kish]

Saw one today that I thought was promoting a music video.  Turned out that 'Rock Hard All Night' was one of 'the usual' ones!