Author Topic: Tour de France 2018 (Read 134930 times)

woollypigs · « **Reply #725 on:** 24 July, 2018, 04:07:42 pm »

ouch !

woollypigs · « **Reply #726 on:** 24 July, 2018, 04:09:20 pm »

Come on, lad !

woollypigs · « **Reply #727 on:** 24 July, 2018, 04:10:05 pm »

You got this !

woollypigs · « **Reply #728 on:** 24 July, 2018, 04:13:40 pm »

bother but \o/

Hot Flatus · « **Reply #729 on:** 24 July, 2018, 04:14:31 pm »

Now comes the real race

T42 · « **Reply #730 on:** 24 July, 2018, 05:25:05 pm »

Just saw a clip of Gilbert being helped to his feet on the far side of the wall. It looks as if he just missed landing on a block of stone.

Samuel D · « **Reply #731 on:** 24 July, 2018, 06:00:06 pm »

That was a phenomenal bit of descending by Alaphilippe. I wish I could do that. His lean angle on some of those high-speed sweepers was insane. I knew it was over for Yates even before he crashed under the pressure. He’d have needed a full minute on Alaphilippe to survive that descent.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #732 on:** 24 July, 2018, 06:01:46 pm »

Stage 16: Carcassonne > Bagnères-de-Luchon

(click to show/hide)

G Imlach:	O hai! And welcome 2 stage 16 ov teh Tour ov France or, as P Poljanski of TB Hansgrohe calls it, stage 17 ov teh Tour ov France! 2da we haz Pyraknees, which are liek Alps but different, as TV's Niec C Boardman will now explain.
NC Boardman:	Hold on! I ate'nt finished me croissant! [FX: Revolting chewing noises]
Bethany [8]:	Ewwwwww!
CP Sagan:	P Poljanski is made ov FAIL. Those r not his legses! I should kno; I had 2 look at them all da Sunda!
NC Boardman:	[Lengthy expostulation ov plate tectonics] Aren't rocks BRILLIANT??!?1?
G Imlach:	That wasn't quite wot I had in mind, Niec C!
NC Boardman:	[Pouting] Even TV's *** Boulting lieks rocks!
G Imlach:	SD Brailsford: WTF was he thinking?
NC Boardman:	Angry SD Brailsford iz angry!
EC Boardman:	Even if teh Tour ov France woz onli 4 French teams T Cofidis still wouldn't pwn a stage! A hahahaha! Oh yes!
C Vasseur:	Bof! U Ingleesh!
	[...]
N Boulting:	O hai! We been shopping!
Omnes:	Onoz! Please, not 4 wankhats!
N Boulting:	Noes, peasants! Look, see! [Waves models around Lard Rover Peugeot 404 Citröen DS]
SD Millar:	I haz sum 2! I'm building a pelican ov mi very own!
N Boulting:	Look, see! France TV's tips R Majka W Barguil J Alaphilippe G Izzywizzy!
SD Millar:	Expect teh unexpected! R Bardet downhill finish!
C Prudhomme:	Good moaning! OK, u marzipan chimps, bggr off! Xept u, T $ky! U must sta 'ere, an' write "I meurst nit b a tw@" two 'undred tiems!
SD Brailsford:	That's exactly wot I fookin' mean, u balding fooker!
	[...]
N Boulting:	T Moviestar rubbish or wot?
SD Millar:	Yes. Yes, they are. They should maek alliance wif TLNL Jumbo!
Omnes:	Or T Cofidis 4 all teh good it wud do!
N Boulting:	...R Ferrari's hair haz grown longer over teh last 2 weeks!
Bethany [8]:	Not much happening then?
SD Millar:	No. No there is not.
N Boulting:	Cathars!
SD Millar:	Cathars! Exterminated in a manner `T AS-TA-NA` can onli dreme ov!
N Boulting:	Look, see! TD Gendt iz @ teh back ov teh pelican!
SD Millar:	He's fed up coz no-1 wants 2 pla wif him!
	[...]
A Paysan:	We r not happy wif our lot! Eat straw, bicyclistes!
B Hinault:	Wusses! Get out there & tw@ 'em!
N Boulting:	Yoicks! Teh race iz stopped! Riders haz Stuffs in teh eyes!
SD Millar:	Pepper spray?
N Boulting:	Cockup by les flics!
SD Millar:	Reboot!
	[...]
C Prudhomme:	OK, u keech-flecked putains, get on wif it!
R Majka:	Si, barone!
	[Grams: WHOOOOSH!!1!]
N Boulting:	Look, see! TB Merida haz a rider in teh break! Team classification!
SD Millar:	Xpect reaction by T Moviestar!
Bethany [8]:	Yes, they'll fire a hapless domestique up teh road. Later A Valverde will attack & catch teh hapless domestique, both will blo up & get cort & shat out by teh pelican. M Landa will do sweet FA & ~~I Montoya~~ N Quintana will lose moar tiem, becoz he's a Rubbish iffen he hazn't got teh motorbiek 2 hang on2!
N Boulting:	A good point, Bethany [8], & well-made! Xept that teh break got cort during teh shitverts...
Bethany [8]:	Oh. Bum!
SD Millar:	Never mind, Bethany [8], it iz tiem 4 teh first appearance this year ov EO Aquitaine!
EO Aquitaine:	'ello everybody peops!
C Prudhomme:	Back in ur grave, u norty duchesse! U kno ur not allowed out after ur DETH!
EO Aquitaine:	Blast these silly rools!
	[...]
N Boulting:	`T AS-TA-NA` will be buzzing 2da!
Omnes:	O rly? Been @ teh `DOK-TA FER-RAR-I'S AS-TA-NA BEANZ™` agane, have they?
J Birdsong:	Fck! Off!
	[...]
P York:	...& I saw B Hinault clouting teh protesters wif mi own eyes! Ov course he woz not punished, becoz he did not thump another rider!
Bethany [8]:	Hold on! Did not C Froome get fined 4 belting a spectidiot a couple ov years ago?
C Prudhomme:	Bof! U Ingle... oh, ze leetle gril! Er, it was a different tiem back then?
Bethany [8]:	10/10, C Prudhomme! Ur teh quick learner!
	[...]
N Boulting:	w00t! Hyooge mobb away @ teh front, T $ky not in in it, tiem 4 teh l8 lunch! Come, Super D, let us dine!
	[Grams: WHOOOOSH!!1!]
M Smith:	Pyraknees, looming, 4 sure!
Omnes:	Don't u start!
T Random (via Tw@ter):	Should C Froome RISPEK teh shinyjumper & ride 4 G Thomas?
P York:	Yes. Yes, he ought 2. Also, no.
Omnes:
P York:	...and then T Panasonic threw all their bieks in2 teh swimming pool! Rock and, moreover, roll!
M Smith:	SD Brailsford: WTF was he thinking?
P York:	Fukn' numpty! Teh spectidiots r not going 2 chuck piss @ him, r they?
Omnes:	A good point, P York, & well-made!
	[...]
Omnes:	Look, see! A Démare haz been thoroughly dropped out ov teh pelican's mitey beek & they ate'nt even reached teh proper mountains yet!
N Bouhanni (via quipu):	A hahahaha! Wnkr!
A Démare:	Where iz everybode?
T FdJ:	We're not falling 4 that 1 agane, A Démare!
A Démare:	Piss! U bstrds!
	[...]
P York:	...I liked teh Pyraknees betta than teh Alpses! Maybe a Celtic thing!
Bethany [8]:	How many kittehs u got, P York?
P York:
M Smith:	Look, see! During teh shitverts P Gilbert has doned an assault attack! ***, ur ball!
N Boulting:	w00t! Also, CP Sagan haz w1nz0red teh snottyjumper as long as he iz not abducted by aliens b4 Sunda!
CP Sagan:	Job's a good 'un! Now I can b crazy agane! 4 sure!
SD Millar:	...teh tradition ov not taking teh shinyjumper iffen teh leader crashes out...
G Thomas:	Shut! Up!
P Gilbert:	Yay! Spottypoints 4 me & there4 not 4 W Barguil!
Bethany [8]:	GIT!!1!
J Alaphilippe:	Yay! Spottypoints 4 me & there4 not 4 W Barguil!
Bethany [8]:	GIT!!1!
P Gilbert:	O hai clouds o hai sky o hai wall! Arse!
	[...]
J Alaphilippe:	Yay! Moar spottypoints 4 me & none 4 W Barguil!
Bethany [8] & W Barguil:	GIT!!1!
M Smith:	Rite, we're off! P York ur prediction!
P York:	G Thomas. Or C Froome. Or TD Windmill.
Omnes:
	[...]
N Boulting:	Look, see! We r in Spaign-o!
A Valverde:	Will ne1 notice if I go hoam?
~~I Montoya]~~ N Quintana:	Yes. Yes, I will. How can our triple-fckup strategy work iffen there r onli 2 ov us 2 fck up?
N Farage:	Iz a metaphor 4 Brexit!1!
Omnes:	Fck! Off! U paper-braned parcel ov custard!
SD Millar:	T Moviestar will attack because I, TV's Super D Millar, say so!
	[On teh Col de Portillon]
SD Millar:	A Yates!
N Boulting:	P Latour G Martin juniorshinyjumper!
SD Millar:	A Yates!
N Boulting:	J Alaphilippe?
SD Millar:	J Alaphilippe!
N Boulting:	A Yates!!1!
SD Millar:	Nitro button!
Omnes:
A Yates:	Hullo clouds hullo clouds hullo road! Piss!
J Alaphilippe:	What a stroke ov luck, eh, readers!
G Izzywizzy:	O hai, A Yates!
A Yates:	FFS!
B Mollema:	O hai, A Yates!
D Potrzebl:	O hai, A Yates!
A Yates:	FFS! 1st teh Bouncy Castle ov DOOM & now this?
J Alaphilippe:	\o/ Also, RAAAWWWRRR! Poo on u, SD Brailsford!
	[...]
E Bernal:	Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! This iz fun!
M Kwiatkowski:	Easy, tiger!
E Bernal:	Spoilsport!
G Thomas:	One down, er, sum moar 2 go!
G Imlach:	All going 2 kick off 2moro!
EC Boardman:	Oh yes!

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #733 on:** 24 July, 2018, 08:18:13 pm »

Highlights prog says that Gilbert is out after that crash

Démare came in 10 minutes behind the main autobus, who were themselves half an hour back on Alaphilippe.

Samuel D · « **Reply #734 on:** 24 July, 2018, 08:28:10 pm »

Look at the drop and landing area in this photo. Gilbert is lucky to be alive and kicking.

Pingu · « **Reply #735 on:** 24 July, 2018, 08:30:58 pm »

Mrs P and I did tomorrow's climb to the Col de Portet in 2013. Some stretches of the road were unpaved and there were cows cooling in the tunnel near the top. A Frenchman on a mountain bike expressed his surprise at us being up there on our road bikes

I presume the road's been improved since then.

quixoticgeek · « **Reply #736 on:** 24 July, 2018, 08:33:22 pm »

Quote from: Samuel D on 24 July, 2018, 08:28:10 pm

Look at the drop and landing area in this photo. Gilbert is lucky to be alive and kicking.

That brings a tear to your eye, just looking at it. Hope he recovers fully soon!

J

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #737 on:** 25 July, 2018, 12:22:08 am »

Quote from: Pingu on 24 July, 2018, 08:30:58 pm

Mrs P and I did tomorrow's climb to the Col de Portet in 2013. Some stretches of the road were unpaved and there were cows cooling in the tunnel near the top. A Frenchman on a mountain bike expressed his surprise at us being up there on our road bikes

I presume the road's been improved since then.

On the live show TV's M Smith interviewed a madman who has been running the whole route. He too noted that the tunnel was full of cows.

ETA: An article on The Comic's site, published about a month ago, says resurfacing is due "in the weeks before the Tour".

quixoticgeek · « **Reply #738 on:** 25 July, 2018, 12:26:32 am »

Does anyone know if the team cars can go up the Portet, or is it going to be Motos with a mechanic carrying a bike on their shoulder like it was in the Zoncolan?

J

T42 · « **Reply #739 on:** 25 July, 2018, 06:59:33 am »

Quote from: Samuel D on 24 July, 2018, 06:00:06 pm

That was a phenomenal bit of descending by Alaphilippe. I wish I could do that. His lean angle on some of those high-speed sweepers was insane. I knew it was over for Yates even before he crashed under the pressure. He’d have needed a full minute on Alaphilippe to survive that descent.

I was almost too anxious for him (Alaphilippe) to enjoy it. All it takes is for the rain to wash out some sand from the forest, or for some council oik to leave a shovelful of grit in the wrong place.

Hot Flatus · « **Reply #740 on:** 25 July, 2018, 07:08:30 am »

The roads are swept before each stage, but even so it is basically one big game of chicken.

T42 · « **Reply #741 on:** 25 July, 2018, 07:17:12 am »

Quote from: Samuel D on 24 July, 2018, 08:28:10 pm

Look at the drop and landing area in this photo. Gilbert is lucky to be alive and kicking.

He'll not be kicking much with a fractured kneecap. Kudos to him for finishing the stage. I see they gave him the combativity prize.

I was listening on headphones when he went over and from the gasp I gave the missus thought I'd had a heart attack.

Exit Stage Left · « **Reply #742 on:** 25 July, 2018, 08:25:42 am »

Alaphillipe's attempt to wait for Yates was a nice sporting gesture, a shame that his team told him to ride on.

DuncanM · « **Reply #743 on:** 25 July, 2018, 09:07:29 am »

Phillipe Gilbert is hard as nails. That crash, a fractured kneecap, and he gets back on and rides 50k to the finish including that monster final climb? Where's the smiley for chapeaux!!!?

It was interesting to hear Alaphilipe say that he was waiting for Yates until the team told him not to. I wonder if Yates had known then he would have hammered it to get back on. Then again, Alaphilipe would probably have dropped him further down that descent - the guy is a (very very skilled) lunatic descender. It made for an interesting stage though, even if the GC guys didn't do much.

Beardy · « **Reply #744 on:** 25 July, 2018, 09:18:05 am »

Will it all kick off today with the GC contenders of will Froome be bieding his tiem and just destroy them all on the ITT?

Hot Flatus · « **Reply #745 on:** 25 July, 2018, 09:32:20 am »

It'll kick off today.

I have a hunch Sky might use Froome to launch attacks to wear out Dumoulin in order to preserve GT's lead. Something about Froome's body language during the last interview I saw tells me he's dejected.

T42 · « **Reply #746 on:** 25 July, 2018, 09:42:33 am »

Orders ≠ desires

Beardy · « **Reply #747 on:** 25 July, 2018, 09:46:19 am »

The team is more important than the ego of a single member. Something Nigel Mansell found out to his cost, but it did lead to him being the only person ever to achieve world champion status in both F1 and Indy Car. Apologies, I'll collect my anorak on my way out.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #748 on:** 25 July, 2018, 09:55:22 am »

Quote from: Beardy on 25 July, 2018, 09:46:19 am

The team is more important than the ego of a single member. Something Nigel Mansell found out to his cost, but it did lead to him being the only person ever to achieve world champion status in both F1 and Indy Car. Apologies, I'll collect my anorak on my way out.

It'll be handed to you by Mario Andretti, who did it first.

Hot Flatus · « **Reply #749 on:** 25 July, 2018, 10:01:19 am »

Quote from: T42 on 25 July, 2018, 09:42:33 am

Orders ≠ desires

He looked a bit shaken up.

We'll find out today I supppse