G Imlach: | O hai! And welcome 2 le roi C Prudhomme I's grate social xperiment. 65 km, no flat, starting grid. What sa u, TV's Niec C Boardman? |
NC Boardman: | O hai! The grid thing will maek 53.3% ov Sweet FA difference, G Thomas will win the Tour ov France & there will be 0 lulls in the action! |
EC Boardman: | Plenty ov lulz tho! Ahahahahaha! Hahahaha! Oh yes! |
G Imlach: | Shut! Up! U grate roaster! |
C Prudhomme: | OK, u ruptured airbags! Assume teh position! |
G Thomas: | Sometimes I hate this job! |
N Boulting: | O hai! Grid. Super D, wot sa u? |
SD Millar: | Sum1 @ teh Eh-Ess-Oh thort this 1 up after a long lunch! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh lite haz gone out and so haz TD Gendt! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! A Démare haz been dropped! Already! |
N Bouhanni (via interpretive dance agane): | Onoz! All ov la France iz not blubbing liek a gril! |
Bethany [8]: | Shut ur gob, Mr Not-Appearing-In-This-Race, unless u want to wake up wif ur knackers 4 a bow tie! |
N Bouhanni: | Bof! I am not scared ov u! |
Omnes: | U shud be! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! T Moviestar r launching Plan Z! |
Bethany [8]: | How does that differ from Plans A through Y? |
A Valverde: | It doesn't. If u don't tell ne1, I gives u a kumquat |
Bethany [8]: | Mi lips r sealed! |
| [...] |
T Kangert: | FREE FROM TEH SHA-CKLES OV TEH KAN-GERT A-RU DOU-BLE ACT I WILL A-TAK & EX-TER-MIN-ATE TEH -PE-LI-CAN! |
J Alaphilippe: | O rly? |
SD Millar: | Yoicks! W Poels haz gone AWOL! |
Omnes: | Wol? Where? |
SD Millar: | Fck! Off! Oh, look, see! There he is &... |
TP Fairy: | O hai! O hai, I Montoya N Quintana! Stab! |
I Montoya N Quintana: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! J Alaphilippe & teh hopeless luser from T Cofidis have cort T Kangert! |
SD Millar: | T Moviestar & TLNL Jumbo? M Landa & S Kruijswijk? |
N Boulting: | I think... FFS, moar shitverts already? Soz, gang, teh Tour ov France haz been supplanted by a fukn insewerants-selling gonk! |
Omnes: | U OK, hun? |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Look, see! T AG2R r doing Stuffs! |
SD Millar: | Meh! T AG2R will run out ov domesticated types b4 T $ky! |
P Latour: | In teh absence ov PT Voeckler I, P Latour, will poke my tongue out pour R Bardet, la France et le juniorshinyjumper! |
R Bardet: | Good lad! No chimney 4 u 2da! |
| [...] |
SD Millar: | Y iz R Majka riding liek a tw@? |
J Alaphilippe: | Spottypoints! And a bonkers descent 2 follow! RAAAWWWRRR! |
N Boulting: | But J Alaphilippe will not win teh stage because I, TV's *** Boulting, say so! |
SD Millar: | Noes! CP Sagan haz doned a chute! |
| [MOAR shitverts later] |
N Boulting: | w00t! Final climb! & as I, TV's *** Boulting, predicted, J Alaphilippe haz blowed up! |
SD Millar: | T Moviestar will now launch Plan ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha! |
T $ky: | No fcks given! |
D Martin: | Rite, u lot, watch this! Oh... I may have 2 rethink this 1! |
I Montoya N Quintana: | Rite, u lot, watch this! |
T $ky: | We r still husbanding our fcks! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! P Roglic assault attack! C Froome also! |
TD Windmill: | Pfffff! |
5: | Ooooeeeeeee! [Faints] |
A Doctor-Rites: | O hai! O hai, Mrs Poulidor-Featherstonehaugh! I think ur daughter may be suffering from Vitamin C deficiency. Perhaps u shud get her 2 eat moar citrus fruit! |
5's Mummy: | You mean, for example, kumquats? |
A Doctor-Rites: | Yes. Or... |
5's Mummy: | Get! Out! |
| [After even yet MOAR shitverts] |
SD Millar: | Look, see! A Valverde haz blowed up! |
Omnes: | Quelle surprise! |
SD Millar: | W Poels haz been hiding hiz hyperbole under a bush! |
N Boulting: | T Kangert haz been cort! |
Bethany [8]: | Now watch teh Eh-Ess-Oh give teh Combativité thing 2 J Alaphilippe!* |
T Kangert: | BUG-GER! |
SD Millar: | Iz R Majka bluffing? |
R Majka: | No. No, I am not! [Dies] |
N Boulting: | Neglect not D Martin! |
R Bardet: | Noes! I, R Bardet, am also D-E-D! [Dies] |
5’s Mummy: | It serves you right for that revolting drooling behaviour, you ill-mannered guttersnipe! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Neglect not teh bonerfications! |
SD Millar: | Is C Froome in trub? |
TD Windmill: | I rather think he is! |
| [Grams: WHOOOOSH!!1!] |
G Thomas: | O rly? |
P Roglic: | O rly? |
TD Windmill: | Piss! |
D Martin: | Arse! I Montoya N Quintana haz not been et by cows in teh tunnel! |
5's Mummy: | Still, jolly well done, young man! |
D Martin: | fankumissispoulidorfanshaw! |
5's Mummy: | Ai shall not ask you to call me "Syrah" though, because Ai do not know you that well! |
I Montoya N Quintana: | \o/ Better l8 than never, right kids? |
G Thomas: | Just 2 rub it in, I will taek moar tiem off TD Windmill! LOL and, moreover, roffle! |
C Froome: | ARSE! |
| [...] |
EC Boardman: | G Thomas always haz a bad day! A hahahahahahahahaha! Oh yes! |
Omnes: | Fck! Off! |