O hai! Now teh dust haz settled & G Thomas, CP Sagan, P Latour, J Alaphilippe & D Martin r confirmed as pwning jumpers & t'ing iz tiem 4 teh Utterly Subjective P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz
TM® Tour Ov France Awards 2018 4 Things Those Wusses @ Eh-Ess-Oh Daren't Menshn. Teh Utterly Subjective P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz
TM® Tour Ov France Awards 2018 are sponsored by Fischhaus Arnstadt GmbH: «Anbieter von feinem Fisch nach Vereinbarung 2 M Kitteh»". All results correct @ tiem ov going 2 press so if C Laporte wins on the Champs-Elysées...
Le Prix P Liggett 4 Teh Most Mispronounced Naem Ov Teh Race: | T Skujins |
Der Fuß-In-Mund Preis M Rendall 4 Best Colemantary Blunder: | TV's *** Boulting cracking l8 winner wif his assertion that "I Saccharine will finish tenth because B Jungels cannot make up 4 minutes", apparently oblivious to I Montoya N Quintana's headlong plunge down teh GC, matchable only by a depressed lemming. |
Teh D Martin Fukn Nails Award 4 Being Fukn Nails: | L Craddock |
Honourable mentions: | M Cavendish, CP Sagan |
El Premio Brexit-Waste Ov Money (Team): | T Cofidis |
Dishonourable mention: | TWG Gobert* |
El Premio Brexit-Waste Ov Money (Induhvidual): | A Valverde |
Dishonourable mentions: | TJV Garderen, J Birdsong. As usual. |
Teh Super D Millar Crystal Decanter 4 Teh Best Barnet: | TV's Super D Millar. Again. ["Fix!!1!" - Omnes] |
Mentioned on television: | R Ferrari |
Teh Plucky J Durand/PT Voeckler Prize 4 Futile Breakery: | TD Gendt. Again. TD Gendt can keep it if he promises 2 behave next year. |
Les Gants d'Or N Bouhanni: | G Moscon |
Le Coupe Kenny Rogers 4 Avoiding Teh Old Ultraviolence From Bethany [8]: | TV's Nice C Boardman. Teh craven toadie. |
Trofej CP Sagan 4 Most Creative Use Ov Teh Word "Crazy": | P Roglič |
Honourable mention: | TD Windmill |
Il Trofeo Jarlin J Jarlinsson** 4 Spectator-Related Japery: | J Alaphilippe |
Teh P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® Barbed-Wire Buttplug 4 Teh Worst Shitvert: | Money Supermarket. Again. Don't bother trying 4 teh hat-trick next year, OK. |
Teh Super D Millar Ardea cinerea Binoculars 4 Bridwatching: | TV's *** Boulting |
ML Maire's Special Wossname 4 M Smith's Most Entertaining Hostage: | Dokta Hutch |
Super-Tw@: | A Greipel teh goriler ov 3b ["MUNKEH!!1!" - Omnes] |
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C Vasseur: | Yay! Enfin we w1nz0red somethi... oh! Piss! |
* T Moviestar were well in teh running until
I Montoya N Quintana went & spoiled it by pwning a stage
** Teh Colombian Viking
NB: Stage 21 will be l8 coz P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz
TM® iz going 2 a gig this arvo.