I've also had:
"Oi - that's my bike!"
"Oi mate! I f*cked your mum!"
I've also had:
"Oi - that's my bike!"
Me too - shortly before then being chased by the shouters, who, when I reported it to the police the next day, had previously kicked another cyclist unconscious. :-\
I prefer to celebrate the half decent ones.I do believe she may burn a few calories in that fashion... ;)
When riding my 'bent:
"Oi, do you get all your exercise lying down, luv?
::-)
Tandem and trike seemed to bring out the choicest idiocies. Such as, when my wife and I were on the tandem - "Oi! Look, a tricycle!" (Yes, you read correctly.)Actually, I hate to correct you Mr Heresy...
Strangely enough, I have much more positive things shouted or said...
I had someone shout "you f***ing c**t" at me from a passing car as I staggered home on foot after a curry and some beers, last night.Cut you deep hearing such home truths....?
How did he know? ???
I had someone shout "you f***ing c**t" at me from a passing car as I staggered home on foot after a curry and some beers, last night.
How ever did he know? ???
If I stay in th U.K any longer the I shall be riding with an extendable police baton and mace spray as standard equipment...
If I stay in th U.K any longer the I shall be riding with an extendable police baton and mace spray as standard equipment...
Sadly, I have to leave mine at home. Carrying either of those items is illegal.
Fortunately, a Zefal HPX in one hand anna blindingly bright tactical flashlight in the other is a very close approximation...
:demon:
And if a car pulls alongside you when you are riding, I've read in another place of an excellent jape. Lob one of those 130db rape alarms (one that emits a foul smell too) through the passenger window.
Edit: Best to check it's not a police car or your mate or the vicar before launching said attack.
Going over Watership Down in a group a while back, we passed a pile of rust which might once have been a Vauxhall Nova complete with pimply youth, can of coke if one hand, MacRatburger in the other who yelled out 'Get A Life'
The group as one dissolved into laughter :)
If I stay in th U.K any longer the I shall be riding with an extendable police baton and mace spray as standard equipment...
Sadly, I have to leave mine at home. Carrying either of those items is illegal.
Fortunately, a Zefal HPX in one hand anna blindingly bright tactical flashlight in the other is a very close approximation...
:demon:
And if a car pulls alongside you when you are riding, I've read in another place of an excellent jape. Lob one of those 130db rape alarms (one that emits a foul smell too) through the passenger window.
Edit: Best to check it's not a police car or your mate or the vicar before launching said attack.
I have copyright on that move. There were people handing out rape alarms for free as I left the office, so I took one and shoved it in my jersey pocket. Then when some utterly moronic woman overtook me and swerved in at the anti-turrist barries outside parliament, once I had screeched to a stop, as had she in the inevitable traffic jam. I attempted to reason with her, but only recieved abuse, so popped the tab on the alarm and chucked it into the footwell behind her seat.
Take that!
Ned in west Edinburgh: Give us a go on your bike love
Me: It's too big for you and it doesn't have stabilisers
Ned: *stunned silence*
Unfortunately my brain is far too slow in such situations, and my middle finger normally beats it to a response.
I decided to stop and 'chat' to a couple of local youths who decided to mouth off at me; it turned into a bit of a shoving match.
Then a car pulled up, the kid's mum got out and told them to go home, *right now!*. Which they meekly did :)
Separately, the local girls have taken to shouting "Fancy a shag?" at passing cyclists - but I'm not stopping for them.
I let us all down tonight and I'm sorry. Some arsehole with a dog and a golf club saw me cycling home tonight and said "you've got lovely boobs, can I have a feel of them?" All I could think to say was "you're a twat" but I spent the rest of the journey thinking of what else I could have said and if I see him again I'll try to remember.
Not shouted but-
Passed at speed last night by XR3i in good condition- well looked after- bean can exhaust- bass rumbling from sound system- glass marker pen written on the back 'Catch Me If You Can!'
Car stopped at traffic queue so I drew alongside and tapped on the drivers window
'What?' asks the driver.
I pointed at the writing on his window, said "I did", smiled and rode away 8)
I let us all down tonight and I'm sorry. Some arsehole with a dog and a golf club saw me cycling home tonight and said "you've got lovely boobs, can I have a feel of them?" All I could think to say was "you're a twat" but I spent the rest of the journey thinking of what else I could have said and if I see him again I'll try to remember.There's a story about Wendy James (Transvision Vamp) being repeatedly heckled by a fat shirtless oik in the moshpit to "get yer tits out". Eventually she screamed back at him "Why? What's wrong with yours?"
There's a story about Wendy James (Transvision Vamp) being repeatedly heckled by a fat shirtless oik in the moshpit to "get yer tits out". Eventually she screamed back at him "Why? What's wrong with yours?"
My favourite was from a few months ago, riding into town up a slight hill at 15ish mph, I hit a red light.In those circumstances, I've been known to reply "I'm scared of heights." If the very neatly dressed ped is of advancing years, and perhaps going a little grey, then a better answer would be "I think, Sir, you're the one with snow on top." (If you can get away with it...)
On stopping, a very neatly dressed ped looked down at me (I was riding a recumbent & it was about 5C, so a wee bit warmer then the past few weeks) & asked, "is it not a bit cold down there?"
Whilst thinking of quick replies is something I'd love to be able to do, I'm still unsure of how I could answer this one well.
I'm afraid I managed just , "yes."
Sure enough there was a cry of "lend us yer bike mate"
I've heard all the usual shouts, but once and only once, I managed a reply. A souped-up Ka with four lads was overtaking me and one of them shouted, "Excuse me, are you gay?", followed by the usual laughs from the car. In a moment of clarity, I shouted, "For you baby, I will be". He turned bright red and his mates exploded with laughter, beeped and were off.:thumbsup:
Going over Watership Down in a group a while back, we passed a pile of rust which might once have been a Vauxhall Nova complete with pimply youth, can of coke if one hand, MacRatburger in the other who yelled out 'Get A Life'Late to this thread, but doesn't this one say all that needs saying?
The group as one dissolved into laughter :)
If I stay in th U.K any longer the I shall be riding with an extendable police baton and mace spray as standard equipment...
Sadly, I have to leave mine at home. Carrying either of those items is illegal.
Fortunately, a Zefal HPX in one hand anna blindingly bright tactical flashlight in the other is a very close approximation...
:demon:
Going over Watership Down in a group a while back, we passed a pile of rust which might once have been a Vauxhall Nova complete with pimply youth, can of coke if one hand, MacRatburger in the other who yelled out 'Get A Life'Late to this thread, but doesn't this one say all that needs saying?
The group as one dissolved into laughter :)
On the way back from a ride with a clubmate two scallies in a Ford focus shouted, laughed and pointed "Bejings that way mate!"
I had "Get a fucking helmet you cnut" by a city type this evening. I just shouted "I got one where it really matters"
On the way back from a ride with a clubmate two scallies in a Ford focus shouted, laughed and pointed "Bejings that way mate!"
Classy!
I had "Get a fucking helmet you cnut" by a city type this evening. I just shouted "I got one where it really matters"
How about "I only wear it riding you're Mum in case I fall off" :thumbsup:
Jacomus-rides-Gen will know the traffic lights I mean at the bottom of Shooters Hill by the 24hr chemist in Welling, around midnight on the way back from a pub run a chavNova puled up but had given me room so I gathered the driver had a bit of sense.
[Drunk passenger one] leans out as we are stopped at the lights "I hate fu**in cyclists"
[Me] "Glad to hear it, I wouldn't want you fu**in me you ugly git"
to his mates "the chemists is still open I think his medication has worn off" ;D
Last night on the way home:
"Oi mate! Your wheels are going round!"
I did wonder how they'd react if I stopped dead, pulled out the spanner from my bag and asked them to repeat it... :demon:Some years ago, in real foul mood, I stopped when a group of mid-teens on the way home from school (I supposed) made one of the more offensive comments. I did not stop dead, just pulled into a lay-by and rested against the wall. There was silence and nervous glances as the group walked up the road and past me. Nobody said a thing.
I did wonder how they'd react if I stopped dead, pulled out the spanner from my bag and asked them to repeat it... :demon:
LOL! If it was a t-handled allen key, that would be a seriously dangerous weapon, if not more so than a knife.
You remind me of an engineer at work who once threatened a colleague with an Allen key.
citycycling .word of the month: bwaaaaooooaaarrrrrgggggghhhhl (http://www.citycycling.co.uk/issue52/word.html)
Was it a variation on "double wank and shit chips" (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Double%20wank%20and%20shit%20chips)?
My favourite was when I was riding on the bakfiets and someone from a group of teenage girls shouted "dat bike is bare sick". I had to look it up. I'm still not sure, but I think it means it is very cool.
You mean: "SickBikeMaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttee". That's a doppler effect.
I'm havin' the points.
On Friday I got "Get off the fucking road and on to the fucking cycle path or when I see you again I'll fucking swerve into you!" from a Neanderthal in a 4X4. ::-)
"Waaaarrrrooooaarrgghhh!" Or something like that.
I had some oik draw up alongside me in a beat up old Mercedes last night and shout something incomprehensible. A second look showed that it was a colleague. It was still incomprehensible though.
;DI had some oik draw up alongside me in a beat up old Mercedes last night and shout something incomprehensible. A second look showed that it was a colleague. It was still incomprehensible though.
I had a similar but reversed situation a few months ago.
Silly bint in Saab driving along whilst on her mobile phone. I shout a few choice words at her.
I arrive at work to find out she's one of the directors... :-\
I recount this to my boss.
Shortly afterwards, a reminder goes out to all staff reminding them that driving whilst using a handheld mobile phone is an offence and, if you are in a work car or using a work mobile, it would constitute gross misconduct.
"Don't ride in the middle of the road - read the fucking highway code!"
The other morning I had a quite attractive woman pull alongside me and ask me where I was going.
When I asked why she replied "I could follow your arse all day love!"
The lights changed and she let me pull away first...
Made my day!
The other morning I had a quite attractive woman pull alongside me and ask me where I was going.
When I asked why she replied "I could follow your arse all day love!"
The lights changed and she let me pull away first...
Made my day!
It's not a bad set of buns at all Alex! Even compares reasonably to some of the skaters.
Yesterday morning on the way to work, I had the usual moron tailgating me through the narrow bits and revving her engine because she couldn't get past. I just ignored her and carried on. When we stopped at the lights, she opened her window and shouted, "Don't ride in the middle of the road - read the fucking highway code!"It's at times like this that I'd just love to have a copy of the highway code velcro'd to the bars, that I could then just toss in through the open window. Ensuring that it falls open at the page with the picture of the car giving 6 feet or more to the cyclist.
I had a fat hairy bloke shout "How much for a blow job?" at me while I was panting my way up a hill once.
I didn't know if he was enquiring after the price I would charge to service him, or asking how much I wanted to pay for him to supply me. To be honest looking at the state of them neither was a very attractive proposition.
Thankfully he left before I could disappoint him.
Hulver, are you still concerned about Reg suffering homo-bullying on this forum?
;D
I'm still perplexed by this one:Makes a change from the usual I get from bus and taxi drivers to "get on the fucking cycle path".
Riding down a stretch of cyclepath adjacent to a main road, a monobrow in a builders van yells "Why don't you ride on the road you queer cunt!"
Pretty much the only bit of abuse Ive noticed in years
"Get off and milk it!"
So anyone got any ideas?
"Get off and milk it!"
"Oi mate. Your back wheel is going round"
I love hearing the old ones like that that have been around since I was a kid.
I'm hoping for a "Oi mate. Your back wheel is going round" again soon.
This was one from last week, I remain puzzled.
[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIEAs4Kjnp8]
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIEAs4Kjnp8)
An old classic as I returned home from a Bank Holiday pootle with The Boy and Mrs. Hall
The dulcet tones of a feckless itinerant in his automobile as he hollered "Get off and milk it".
It filled me with a certain wossname.
Had a new one today:
Filled-to-capacity chavmobile comes alongside as I'm proceeding at a respectable speed down the A441 towards Redditch, windows open. The full complement of chavs then proceed to bark (as in imitating the sound that dogs make) '22' at me in morse, before the car accelerates off to join the queue at the junction up ahead.
I have no idea. ???
Had a new one today:
Filled-to-capacity chavmobile comes alongside as I'm proceeding at a respectable speed down the A441 towards Redditch, windows open. The full complement of chavs then proceed to bark (as in imitating the sound that dogs make) '22' at me in morse, before the car accelerates off to join the queue at the junction up ahead.
I have no idea. ???
Plodder, Rottenhat and I encountered something like this on the Mille Cymru. We were stopped at some temporary traffic lights in the depths of Cardiganshire, and the passenger of the car behind barked the whole time (several minutes) we were stopped. I fear I'm missing out on a (sub)cultural phenomenon.
The full complement of chavs then proceed to bark (as in imitating the sound that dogs make) '22' at me in morse, before the car accelerates off to join the queue at the junction up ahead.
I have no idea. ???
Filled-to-capacity chavmobile comes alongside as I'm proceeding at a respectable speed down the A441 towards Redditch, windows open. The full complement of chavs then proceed to bark (as in imitating the sound that dogs make) '22' at me in morse, before the car accelerates off to join the queue at the junction up ahead.
Ah. It's possible they may have been delivering a rendition of the refrain of the song "Who let the dogs out?", which does contain two sets of five barks. So a childish insult to a female cyclist.
apart from one man in the back seat of a Scenic which passed me twice near Utah beach, he leant ridght out of the window and shouted a very vitriolic and angry few sentences at me both times (my French is not good enough to understand any of it); I was not even wearing any form of UK- identifiable gear.
very odd and completely out of character for France
Were it not for the facts that a) I was working quite hard to keep up, and b) it would have been wholly inappropriate, I would have shouted back "So do I, but they're both spoken for."
Were it not for the facts that a) I was working quite hard to keep up, and b) it would have been wholly inappropriate, I would have shouted back "So do I, but they're both spoken for."
;D
Were it not for the facts that a) I was working quite hard to keep up, and b) it would have been wholly inappropriate, I would have shouted back "So do I, but they're both spoken for."I would also suggest that
... one of the local sîaf (**) lads shouted "I want one!"
...
(**) See what I've done? I've faked the Welsh word for chav.
I was on the receiving end of the classic "yrrghghwwgghggghh" this morning, accompanied by gestures. I'm not normally bothered, but the naked aggression on the yrrghghwwgghggghh-er really p!ssed me off.
Maybe time to get one of these on your bars, ready for deployment:I think if I tried something like that, they'd pull over and have a go at me with a shovel.
SureGuard SG Active Sponge Alarm (http://www.stoppashop.co.uk/self-defence-products/personal-attack-alarms-and-sprays/sureguard-sg-active-sponge-alarm.html)
One tug, and drop it through their window into the footwell. Not quite as good as the smelly alarms which make it really hard to keep driving, thereby giving you time to get away - but I haven't got time to google those.
Peak time at the train station a while ago...
Him: "haha, your bike looks dead stupid!"
Me: "yeah, but..." (as I start folding the bike... takes less than 10s) "...I can take mine on the train."
Him: "so can I!"
Train guard: "not for another 2 hours you can't."
Him: "oh..."
Peak time at the train station a while ago...
Him: "haha, your bike looks dead stupid!"
Me: "yeah, but..." (as I start folding the bike... takes less than 10s) "...I can take mine on the train."
Him: "so can I!"
Train guard: "not for another 2 hours you can't."
Him: "oh..."
Lynx, of this parish, let me on a little secret about this (makes sense, but I have not had the cojones to try it yet).....
Take the front wheel off, then you are carrying bike parts, not a bike, the fact that you are carrying enough parts to make a full bike is irrelevant.....
I was on the receiving end of the classic "yrrghghwwgghggghh" this morning, accompanied by gestures. I'm not normally bothered, but the naked aggression on the yrrghghwwgghggghh-er really p!ssed me off.
And today. Same dual-cab pickup, same arsehole leaning head and shoulders out the window. A full sentence this time, the traffic was moving slower.
Getting a bit worried about this - the arsehole was more aggressive this morning. I don't ride Wednesdays, so will have to see it they are there tomorrow.
As I said to my wife last night, without provocation, I have the feeling that these oiks wouldn't 'attack' me. They might think it funny to push me off my bike or somesuch idiocy.
Sounds like mrcharly is saying that at the moment they wouldn't push him off his bike, but if he took photos of them they might do.As I said to my wife last night, without provocation, I have the feeling that these oiks wouldn't 'attack' me. They might think it funny to push me off my bike or somesuch idiocy.
In my book, pushing someone off their bike IS an attack.
Curious about the bike and just a bit stupid, or simply an asswipe trying to cause an accident ? Answers on a postcard...
Thanks very much for the offer, but I think it would be too provocative. Whilst I'm not a delicate flower, I don't fancy having to deal with a couple of aggroed moron labourers.
In my book, pushing someone off their bike IS an attack.
In my book, pushing someone off their bike IS an attack.
I agree. If I was walking down a street and someone made to deliberately push me over, Firstly I would avoid them or block their arms and possibly issue a good kick in the nads if I thought they meant business.
Sounds like mrcharly is saying that at the moment they wouldn't push him off his bike, but if he took photos of them they might do.As I said to my wife last night, without provocation, I have the feeling that these oiks wouldn't 'attack' me. They might think it funny to push me off my bike or somesuch idiocy.
In my book, pushing someone off their bike IS an attack.
Sometimes the tw@ts come unstuck when they try to push people off bikes.
Tw@t gets his just rewards
After an evening incident a week or so ago I've *very* tempted to lob a camera on the helmet.
Descending out of local town centre on the recumbent, probably doing 25 but I soon hit 30+ (and it *is* a 30 limit, so it's not like I'm holding anyone up, if there's any traffic around) Something big/dark (suv?) passes, something like a searchlight or wide/v bright lamp shone in my face for the next 50yards down the hill. I'm just to left of centre of the lane, but it's got two curves in it, I'm too blinded to see exactly where am in the lane or even to look in my mirror to see if the road behind is clear to slow quickly. Fortunately he effs off and I can just about see though the afterimage. Curious about the bike and just a bit stupid, or simply an asswipe trying to cause an accident ? Answers on a postcard...
Bonus points for anyone subsequently spotting me on metube/friendface.
Really not worth giving them more than a moment's thought.
New one today.
"Oi! Get a derailleur!"
Made me smile, he got a wave.
Is it surprising that after years of not being shouted at, I get a 'bent, and then get something most rides ;D
Is it surprising that after years of not being shouted at, I get a 'bent, and then get something most rides ;D
Must admit - I'm struggling to work out if the hooting is indeed cheerful or of the "what the hell are you doing with that on the road" variety. Not that I care much if it is the latter.
I borrowed mrs. jogler's Trice one day last week to fetch some shopping from the village(both cars were absent at the time).As I zoomed* back up the hill I was peeped at by a WVM.My almost synchronised look & middle digit display was quickly modiffied to something more hailfellowwellmet as I realised it was a social acquaintance in a vehicle not normally used by him ::-)
*there may be an element of exaggeration or economy with the truth or a blatant lie
And yet recumbents are "So difficult to see". It must be true, because every motorist tells me that.
Group of about 15 BMX lads on the local Sustains path shout as I pass - "Hard core rider approaching with glasses". I just smiled as I blasted pass them at evens! ;D
I've had many hundreds of shouts of wanker because of riding a recumbent
appeasr to breakl the rules in so many ways that he must be a wanker.
Got the ultimately original
"get off and milk it"
tonight. Very dissapointing.
"Get a proper bike!"pmsl ;D
Nothing particularly unusual about that, until I realised it was coming from the passenger of a Smart Fourtwo. :facepalm:
"Get a proper bike!"
Nothing particularly unusual about that, until I realised it was coming from the passenger of a Smart Fourtwo. :facepalm:
All I get in this bit of Essex is "I want one!"
They could always go out andbuynick one if they really wanted one!
I really think what's needed are a series of public information films, explaining to the oiks exactly how intelligible comments shouted from a moving vehicle are over wind, tyre and engine noise.
They'd either give up, or make more of an effort...
Like using BSL?
I really think what's needed are a series of public information films, explaining to the oiks exactly how intelligible comments shouted from a moving vehicle are over wind, tyre and engine noise.
They'd either give up, or make more of an effort...
That depends on whether it is possible to explain doppler shift in words of up to one syllable. :demon:
That depends on whether it is possible to explain doppler shift in words of up to one syllable. :demon:
Fairly easily, if the syllable is "Ouuuraaaaaaaaaaaagh!"
On the way to work today, white van comes alongside passenger shouts: "Nice ar$e"
As the van passes inside, the cab "That was a bloke!"
;D
Might be time to get the pony tail trimmed
Because sometimes it isn't funny:
Particularly unpleasant incident today, somewhere on the A513 between Tamworth and Burton: Solid white line through some bends, lorry holding back patiently behind me. Nowhere sensible to pull in (it's all soft verge), so I just keep trundling as fast as my aching joints will allow until the road straightens out and the lorry performs a safe overtake. Hatchback appears following the lorry (which is heavily loaded and taking time to move up through the gears), with a Mk 1 chav sticking out the passenger window, waving a fist aggressively, shouting "...UCKING [inaudible] FUCKING BIKE!". Somewhat predictably, the abuse turns sexual as they get a couple of car lengths ahead.
I do try to be zen about these incidents, but I fear it would have wrecked my cycling mojo for the rest of the day, if the lurgy hadn't already done the job.
:(
Because sometimes it isn't funny:
Particularly unpleasant incident today, somewhere on the A513 between Tamworth and Burton: Solid white line through some bends, lorry holding back patiently behind me. Nowhere sensible to pull in (it's all soft verge), so I just keep trundling as fast as my aching joints will allow until the road straightens out and the lorry performs a safe overtake. Hatchback appears following the lorry (which is heavily loaded and taking time to move up through the gears), with a Mk 1 chav sticking out the passenger window, waving a fist aggressively, shouting "...UCKING [inaudible] FUCKING BIKE!". Somewhat predictably, the abuse turns sexual as they get a couple of car lengths ahead.
I do try to be zen about these incidents, but I fear it would have wrecked my cycling mojo for the rest of the day, if the lurgy hadn't already done the job.
:(
Because sometimes it isn't funny:
Particularly unpleasant incident today, somewhere on the A513 between Tamworth and Burton: Solid white line through some bends, lorry holding back patiently behind me. Nowhere sensible to pull in (it's all soft verge), so I just keep trundling as fast as my aching joints will allow until the road straightens out and the lorry performs a safe overtake. Hatchback appears following the lorry (which is heavily loaded and taking time to move up through the gears), with a Mk 1 chav sticking out the passenger window, waving a fist aggressively, shouting "...UCKING [inaudible] FUCKING BIKE!". Somewhat predictably, the abuse turns sexual as they get a couple of car lengths ahead.
I do try to be zen about these incidents, but I fear it would have wrecked my cycling mojo for the rest of the day, if the lurgy hadn't already done the job.
:(
I had this the other week-I think it's something to do with hatchbacks...
I had this the other week-I think it's something to do with hatchbacks...
Presumably that they're the only cars that particular demographic of macho idiots can afford to insure.
They have insurance?
To be fair, only one of us was wearing a ridiculous 'tache, so probably singular.
;DTo be fair, only one of us was wearing a ridiculous 'tache, so probably singular.
Bugger. Nobody ever yells at me. :P
Bugger. Nobody ever yells at me. :P
That's Sittingbourne for you. Anyone with some style is such a shock, the locals can't help shouting out.Bugger. Nobody ever yells at me. :P
Think yourself lucky. I get shouted at practically every time I go out, on bike or not.
That's Sittingbourne for you. Anyone with some style is such a shock, the locals can't help shouting out.Bugger. Nobody ever yells at me. :P
Think yourself lucky. I get shouted at practically every time I go out, on bike or not.
On the way home yesterday, as I cut through the unlit park "you need a health warning with those lights".........
The person making this comment was of course a cyclist, sans lights of any description.
Weirdly on Tuesday Simon and I were shouted at a couple of times, which is rather unusual in these parts. It also happened on Saturday up on the Mendips. We were wondering if it is something about being on a tandem that seems to invite it. It could also have been explained by passing within 5 miles of Bridgwater tbh.
Conversely, this morning, I was riding up to Mitcham Junction station and heard a regular 'fap fap' sound. Now, I know it's a bit wooded round there, but... Aaaaanyway, I was then passed by a car with a very flat tyre. I pulled in front of her in the queue and called out and pointed, while she gazed vacantly. Two other cyclists tried to explain as well, but I don't know if they got through. She didn't pass me again, so maybe she'd turned off into the car park to get it fixed.
Hijack over...
And, to mark both my return to Birmingham after today's ride and the end of street-harassment awareness week, I had barely left Mordor Central when I got:
"Hey, bitch - bet that's not the only thing you like to do lying down."
...from one of a pair of (presumably drunken) pedestrians. The other just made inarticulate football-grunting noises.
Witty comments about the bike go with the territory, but is the random misogyny really necessary? >:(
Witty comments about the bike go with the territory, but is the random misogyny really necessary? >:(
And, to mark both my return to Birmingham after today's ride and the end of street-harassment awareness week, I had barely left Mordor Central when I got:
"Hey, bitch - bet that's not the only thing you like to do lying down."
...from one of a pair of (presumably drunken) pedestrians. The other just made inarticulate football-grunting noises.
Witty comments about the bike go with the territory, but is the random misogyny really necessary? >:(
It's because their brain cell is in one of their bollocks ::-)
It's because their brain cell is in one of their bollocks ::-)
I considered that, but it seems to me that any self-respecting bollock would have more sense than to shout abuse at random women. Contrary to the mission objective, and all that.
OT, but I really like what you've done with the mirrors there. Very neat. Do you find you knock them when you take your hand off the bars to indicate / scratch your nose / whatever?
This reminds me of an incident I had in Catalonia.
Riding toward Matorell, through the industrial part of town, traffic going in every which direction (3 roads merging into one). From behind I hear Beep Beep BEEEEEEEEEEEEP followed, a short while after by a wolf whistle.
I think the driver was a bit embarrassed when I turned around and he saw the beard and 3 days growth of stubble :)
are you sure about that? :demon:
....That's Oikish .....
....That's Oikish .....
OT - Am reminded of a time at the Glastonbury festival (some) years ago. I was in a large slow moving crowd going through a narrowish gate, when I shouted out 'Out of the way you Oiks'.
A group of three lads in front stopped and turned around, one of them looked me up and down, and replied. 'Actually we're Upper class, and you....look...yes...definitely.... middle class, so technically you're the Oik.'
Yesterday, when I was riding in file with Butterfly, we got a chap shouting 'Two abreast' out of a car. ???
Barakta's just reminded me of something that happened on the Manchester-Morcambe FNRttC:
Through the downpour, I made out the profiles of of three orthodox Jewish men, walking along looking almost as miserably wet as we were (they had, I suspect, slightly more weather-appropriate hats). As I passed, one of them exclaimed "Sweet!"
Not the usual demographic, but good to know that recumbents are still cool on the Sabbath. :D
Even worse, a group of 6 of us on a wide, straight stretch in a quiet rural area was given the predictable hanging out the passenger window shouting "SINGLE FILE!!!" By a policeman!Did you all take the same line as the furthest out rider?
I can't believe I forgot to post this!;D
Random pedestrian: "Are you from the future?"
Does your bike have a flux capacitor?
I can't believe I forgot to post this!
Random pedestrian: "Are you from the future?"
I can't believe I forgot to post this!
Random pedestrian: "Are you from the future?"
I passed a group of four schoolgirls on their way home this afternoon. I expected some kind of heckle, but it didn't come until I was most of the way past, when one yelled as loud as she could, presumably to put me off, make me wobble or whatever. I've had this a few times recently, but it doesn't work. And if you can't make me wobble right now, you're onto a loser. ;D
I can't believe I forgot to post this!
Random pedestrian: "Are you from the future?"
Secondly: "Why don't you get a motorbike?"
I failed to think of a good retort.
too much wind noise to hear the verbals
A chav shouted "Wanker!"at me from a blue Saxo today. I pitied his lack of imagination. I would imagine "Wanker" is shouted from blue Saxos approximately once every 10 seconds in the UK...
I'm fairly sure something amusing was shouted at us on the way through Sutton, too, but I can't seem to remember what. ???
He must be really good. He's wearing gloves.
I had a skinny, Wowbaggeresque, older gentleman, say it's easier with sideburns.
On the way out of Studley on the Macride this afternoon, a Mk 1 oik comes bounding across a car park in our general direction. "Excuse me!" he shouts. "Yes?" said I, realising it was directed at me. "Is she disabled?" (gesturing at barakta, some tens of metres ahead of me) "Er, yes?" I reply, wearily. Satisfied, he about turns and walks back to his Saxo[1]. ???
Inspirational.
On the way out of Studley on the Macride this afternoon, a Mk 1 oik comes bounding across a car park in our general direction. "Excuse me!" he shouts. "Yes?" said I, realising it was directed at me. "Is she disabled?" (gesturing at barakta, some tens of metres ahead of me) "Er, yes?" I reply, wearily. Satisfied, he about turns and walks back to his Saxo[1]. ???
Inspirational.
[1] Okay, I didn't actually see the car.
We have been getting further evidence that everyone loves a tandem. The number of proto-chavs we've heard announcing to each other that "double bikes" or "two-er" are really cool..That is undoubtedly true. Recently I've had: 'That's a COOL bike', 'Wow look at that', 'Lady, can I have a go? - LADY!' and 'umphff'. The last was the noise made by a pedestrian standing in the road who was going to nip past as soon as I'd gone. Only I hadn't quite finished going and he had to do a sudden rethink :facepalm:. That is on top of the usual 'you've lost someone' and 'shouldn't there be someone there?' gesturing at the stoker seat.
Greeting from a fellow cyclist this morning whilst I was leaving, and he was entering, Great Bardfield.
"Hello Beardie!"
We have been getting further evidence that everyone loves a tandem. The number of proto-chavs we've heard announcing to each other that "double bikes" or "two-er" are really cool..
I had to laugh a couple of weeks ago, in the last few miles of the Schiehallion Sunrise. I was riding a good bit behind mad recumbent man xrtim when I passed a few yoofs hanging about at a crossroads.
"Hey mister" one of them cried, "there's a man just went past, and he was riding a bike like <this>." They were all sat on the pavement, arms outsretched and waving their legs in the air. ;D
Isn't it actually obligatory to shout "he/she's fallen off" to a solo tandem rider?Only if you're the kind of person who shouts 'she's not pedalling' :facepalm:
I had someone shout "Oy, Neil Armstrong!" at me on Friday night. ???I didn't know NASA did spacesuits in goth black.
Not an oik, and not shouted -
as I was cycling through a council estate (alone on the tandem), a chap who was walking the other way said: 'middle-class, middle-class, middle-class, middle-class'. When I looked at him over my shoulder after I'd passed, he looked directly at me and repeated it several times ???.
Not an oik, and not shouted -
as I was cycling through a council estate (alone on the tandem), a chap who was walking the other way said: 'middle-class, middle-class, middle-class, middle-class'. When I looked at him over my shoulder after I'd passed, he looked directly at me and repeated it several times ???.
Surely the correct response is "Thank you, and a good day to you kind sir"
I had someone shout "Oy, Neil Armstrong!" at me on Friday night. ???
"Sorry mate I couldn't see you 'cosSounds like SMIDGAF to me!your lights are too f...ing brightyou're too visible!"
I haven't been 'home' for a few years, and I wondered if the general pubic UK attitude to cycling had changed at all, with the Boris Bikes, and the super performance in recent athletic events. but sadly it still seems hampered by a multitude of tw@ts, judging by these recent events?
I haven't been 'home' for a few years, and I wondered if the general pubic UK attitude to cycling had changed at all, with the Boris Bikes, and the super performance in recent athletic events. but sadly it still seems hampered by a multitude of tw@ts, judging by these recent events?
It has, in that the zombies are shouting "Come on Wiggo!" or "Don't you know the Olympics are over?" rather than the usual "Cyclewankers!"
More seriously, I'd say that the vast majority of the stuff I have shouted at me is positive or humorous. But I often ride a recumbent, which is unusual and interesting. On a DF bike I'm much less visible, and any shouting is more likely to be abusive.
And I reckon there are (still) more people on bikes. At least in Birmingham, where things are a lot more car-centric than London. How much of this is the Olympics and how much is the change in the University's parking policy I can't say...
Not an 'oik', but riding along the Moretonhampstead - Bovey Tracey road a few days ago, I had an unexpected turn of speed and overtook another cyclist going up a short, sharp rise. I greeted him with a cheery 'Morning!', to which he replied ' You wait until you are in your forties, you won't be so quick up the hills then'.
Which put me in a quandary - do I keep up the momentum or do I slow down and inform him that I'm actually almost 58?
I carried on. Albeit with a rather smug grin.
...there was that time I found myself behind a taxi in stop-start traffic, when a child of maybe 6 or 7 years old appeared in the rear window and decided to lecture me on the importance of wearing a helmet, and that I should ride on the pavement for my own safety, in fluent BSL. Sadly I had too much steering and braking to do to have much of a debate. :D
Received my first white van man outburst today. Cycling along Cardiff Road, Watford, towards the junction with Occupation Road. In primary. Typical congested victorian terrace; cars parked both sides of the road, too tight for a car to pass me safely. Van up my arse for about 50m. I'm doing about 15 mph. As I turn into Occupation Road van continues straight on towards the industrial estate and driver shouts out...
wait for it...
it's a classic...
"You were in the middle of the road mate".
Now I know it's sometimes hard to think of something when the boots on the other foot and something happens in a flash, such as a ped stepping into the road, and I normally find myself resorting to "Don't mind me then" when caught by surprise, but the van driver had at least 10 seconds to think of something witty to say. Strangely I feel somewhat disappointed. ???
"Are you fucking gay?"
Not an 'oik', but riding along the Moretonhampstead - Bovey Tracey road a few days ago, I had an unexpected turn of speed and overtook another cyclist going up a short, sharp rise. I greeted him with a cheery 'Morning!', to which he replied ' You wait until you are in your forties, you won't be so quick up the hills then'.
Which put me in a quandary - do I keep up the momentum or do I slow down and inform him that I'm actually almost 58?
I carried on. Albeit with a rather smug grin.
Oik: "[inaudible]"
Me: "What was that?"
Oik: "But what do you do when you get to traffic lights?"
Me: "I stop!"
Yesterday, en route to Brick Lane with PaulR, as we gyrated round The Minories a lad of around 5 years vintage stuck his head out of a passing van and hollered "Oi mister, I like your banana!"
Those of you familiar with my banana will know what he meant.
"Are you fucking gay?"
Anyway, it seemed he wasn't propositioning me, and he took great offense for some reason that I'd arrived at that conclusion. I scooted off quickly down a side street, he was turning a tomatoey colour.
A new one (to me) tonight.
From passenger window:
"Oi mate. Something on the back of your bike is flashing."
On YT innit. They can't see my face, only hear my voices.Which ones? :D
O, that reminds me!
We overheard a "check out that bad boy bike" about the tandem from Stockport Yoof last weekend.
Riding to a meeting last night I turn my head to notice a passenger in the Audi alongside me having a proper rant, wagging his finger and everything. Hadn't heard him due to the headphones I was using to make the headwind less of an arse.
I pulled the right earphone out and said, "sorry I missed that".
To which he replied, "Why don't you get a f**king car".
My response, "Thanks but I've already got one, I don't need two cars". Pushed earphone back in and carried on leaving the idiot looking a bit confused.
I'm still waiting to be called gay by one of two men in a car. The response is "Me gay? You're the one out with your boyfriend!"
I'm still waiting to be called gay by one of two men in a car. The response is "Me gay? You're the one out with your boyfriend!"
I got called gay by an unimaginative kid on a skateboard on critical mass last Friday (as shown from 1:30 in this video (http://www.birminghamcyclist.com/video/birmingham-critical-mass-january-2013), in fact - I'm behind the guy with the camera). I turned to the person on my right and said wearily "I suppose I should take that as a compliment".
USL- "GAY!"
Kim- Looks USL up and down, rolls her eyes and utters "Can you blame me?"
I was called a prick,
Driver failed to indicate he was turning so I went, he was turning and that was my fault he had to slow down. While I was being shouted at he was pushing me towards the kerb, I had to get off and sit down for a couple minutes before I could carry on.
I have never so much wanted for a handgun to fire a couple rounds through the open window to make a point in my life. I am sick of being treated like a second class person.
I got an ironic wolf-whistle from a loitering oik today. Haven't had one of those for ages.
I got an ironic wolf-whistle from a loitering oik today. Haven't had one of those for ages.
Might not have been ironic. ;)
On last night's commute: Four-eyes! ???
Coworker and I spent the rest of the ride trying to work out when they started handing out driving licences to eight year olds.
On last night's commute: Four-eyes! ???
Coworker and I spent the rest of the ride trying to work out when they started handing out driving licences to eight year olds.
Ah, nostalgia. I haven't heard that one since I was a bespectacled schoolchild.
I got an ironic wolf-whistle from a loitering oik today. Haven't had one of those for ages.
Might not have been ironic. ;)
Indeed :)
The last time anyone shouted at me I was riding through Shillington when a couple of kids shouted "Yer back wheel's goin' round", so I stopped and looked at it then shouted "No it isn't". :D
I got 'Santa' the other day. I do indeed have a full beard, but it's ginger, in accordance to the Scottish Man Beard Act of 1874.
I guess by the time the oik had finished processing 'There's a man with a beard. I better shout something out' (which is in itself a marvelously stupid thought) he thought I was going to get away before he could rack his brains for persons of pigmented facial foliage so settled on someone recently in his child-man mind.
Excellent bingo score today. I got "Sick bike"; "Hahahahah!" (in the faux uncontrollable hysterics favoured by teenage boys); "Someone's nicked yer 'andlebars!"; "That's the bollocks that is!" and "YeWanka!" - all in a single 2 hour ride.We aim for at least one "sick bike" & consider ourselves disappointed if we don't manage at least one "tandem!" (presumably in case we haven't noticed) as well as the old favourite "she's not pedalling at the back"
In other news, and actually in this same universe, I was on a 200k perm on Saturday and locked the bike outside a shop. While in the queue to pay for the pint of milk I'd just drunk, a little old lady walked into the shop and and said to me (as the obvious cyclist with helmet and high-viz): "Is that your bike outside? You know you left the lights flashing well if the battery goes flat you might not be able to start it. I don't know much about bikes.";D
Bless.
Riding into Glasgow along the canal on Saturday afternoon with my son, some guy taking a lot of cider cans for a walk;D Barry!
"ahhh, your doin' great. Bran' new"
Not an oik as such, but a chap of mature years. And not 'at' cyclists, so much as 'to' them.
This morning, at Stockwell, a chap crossed the road, stopping to shout something I didn't quite catch all of, but it certainly included the (slightly hyperbolic) suggestion that Cameron was worse than Hitler*, and calling the Cabinet 'callous murderous fucking liars' or some such, which, while not entirely accurate, wasn't so far off th emark.
* Oops, have I Godwinised the thread? Blame the ranter...
Kim I have no idea what that means but I wish I had said it first.
Kyriarchy is basically like patriarchy but accounting for multiple types of oppression e.g sexism, racism, homophobia, disablism, classism etc (http://"https://www.google.co.uk/search?num=50&hl=en&client=ubuntu&hs=r2G&channel=fs&gl=uk&q=kyriarchy&tbs=dfn:1&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=lvpiUZriHajb0QXV94CoBw&ved=0CDAQkQ4&biw=1270&bih=869")(http://www.picturesof.net/_images_300/A_Viking_Warrior_With_Multiple_Arms_Wielding_A_Sword_And_Axes_Royalty_Free_Clipart_Picture_090822-163485-735042.jpg)
I only came across it very recently but like the idea of recognising the multiple axes on which people can be oppressed at the same time and that many of us have both privileges and oppressions.
OK, it was Nottingham, which is a shit hole, but that kind of thing gnaws when you think about it. I don't get random abuse shouted at me for walking for the pavement, nor would I expect to. I can half understand it when tempers get raised after an interaction, but really, for just being there, patiently occupying a piece of uncontested road space?
Sounds like tandems and recumbents have a similar effect on motorists ("hey, that's sick!" rather than "get outta my way NOW!").
In contrast, we got a clearly very friendly "toot toot" and wave from a patient girl inna hatchback who had waited for us to gain the rise and the road to be clear ahead, before passing us wide and slow (like a horse, maybe she had misconstrued my arse as something more equine).
Everybody loves a tandem.
It's weird ...Well, not really. Random noise probably accounts for it </boring reply!>
CHRIIIISSSS FROOOOOOOOOME!
Nice to know that random shouty car people are keeping current. :thumbsup:
Did they realise you were a male BOBFOC?The more apposite term is 'Rear Admirable'
(Body Off Baywatch - Face Off Crimewatch)
Sowerby Bridge?
CHRIIIISSSS FROOOOOOOOOME!
Nice to know that random shouty car people are keeping current. :thumbsup:
"You've got an ass like a woman!"
"You've got an ass like a woman!"
Really? Do all women have to lead a donkey around these days? Were you in Jerusalem at the time?
"You've got an ass like a woman!"
Really? Do all women have to lead a donkey around these days? Were you in Jerusalem at the time?
It was shouted in a faux American accent, and can therefore reasonably translated as 'arse'.
Along the lines of what happened to me - do you ever get a rendition of 'Daisy, Daisy...?'Nowhere near as often as "She's not pedalling at the back", which is always hilarious ::-)
I'm guessing it would be nice if they had that much imagination ;)
We like the ones who get so excited that they forget the word 'tandem'.
fook, look at the length of that bike!
In a different category: 'Lesbians!'
Along the lines of what happened to me - do you ever get a rendition of 'Daisy, Daisy...?'Nowhere near as often as "She's not pedalling at the back", which is always hilarious ::-)
I'm guessing it would be nice if they had that much imagination ;)
(We even had that from simonp at Loughton. Was that really the best you could come up with?)
Last night, on the way back to the digs, I got a "Nice calves you have there", in the most cut glass RP I have heard in a while.
Made me feel she was assessing a horse, but then it would have been fetlocks, surely, not calves?
Along the lines of what happened to me - do you ever get a rendition of 'Daisy, Daisy...?'Nowhere near as often as "She's not pedalling at the back", which is always hilarious ::-)
I'm guessing it would be nice if they had that much imagination ;)
(We even had that from simonp at Loughton. Was that really the best you could come up with?)
Come on now, it's as obligatory as shouting "She's fallen off" when seeing someone solo.
Along the lines of what happened to me - do you ever get a rendition of 'Daisy, Daisy...?'We once had a full chorus of it that finished just as the lights we were waiting at changed to green. It was fantastic!
I'm guessing it would be nice if they had that much imagination ;)
We like the ones who get so excited that they forget the word 'tandem'.Strange that, because as a tricyclist I find it not unusual to have my machine called a tandem. The strangest thing is that some club bicyclists confuse the terms and simply cannot dredge tricycle from their vocabularies. I've even had people ask me what I call it, to which I've been tempted to respond "Terry".
We've had teenagers jumping up and down with delight at seeing a 'double bike', 'tricycle', and several others.
One of the guys over on CycleChat got seranaded on the way home ;D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fsyug0dhE-s
"The wheelchair voice."
I'm pretty sure I can imagine what that is.
How does it go?
We had a new one from WVM, shouted at our peleton just before we turned off the main road out of town onto quieter lanes. Summat like:Maybe he was getting mixed up between a club ride and a cub ride ???
"You're supposed to ride in sixes, wankers!"
No problem with us being 2-abreast, apparently! Shame he didn't have his personal copy of the HC handy to show us.
Along the lines of what happened to me - do you ever get a rendition of 'Daisy, Daisy...?'Nowhere near as often as "She's not pedalling at the back", which is always hilarious ::-)
I'm guessing it would be nice if they had that much imagination ;)
(We even had that from simonp at Loughton. Was that really the best you could come up with?)
You're fat! You're fat! You're fat! ... (repeated until out my earshot)
Last night a MAMIL cyclist oik in full repicla Sky Kit and a pointy helmet came hurtling past me poodling across Westminster Bridge on my Brompton - I was rapidly catching up a Boris Biker, and had done an over shoulder check to see if I could pull round him, and this guy was right on my shoulder, overtaking really close given he had a whole bus lane to play with - and shouted - "Where's your helmet" as I commit the cardinal sin of not wearing a full lycra body suit and looking like a normal person.
Lets not veer off into a full helmet debate here, but it's none of his damn business! >:(
I can never think of a witty response at the time of these things, apart from generalised and uncharacteristic for me otherwise, profanities. Which isn't very ladylike.
Apologies Fuzzy but, I think you'll find, the correct and much more concise (and condensed) response is: "Twat!"*
*Based on the overtaking bullying cyclists speed v the innocent recipient's own speed.
Variables of response should be considered of course, depending each rider's relevant speed at the time of contact.
Barakta and I just got a "Cyclewankers!". Haven't had one of those for ages.
Barakta and I just got a "Cyclewankers!". Haven't had one of those for ages.
Sorry, has to be asked. Were you, then? :demon:
If a young oik, on a school mini bus, sitting in the front seat shouts abuse at you twice, at different times and places. The second time there is a policeman nearby so they pull the minibus over and suddenly the boy in question is very quiet. When asked by the policeman the whole mini bus was silent and alledegdly the boy didn't say anything.
So I have found out what school they are part of. Would you write to the school and express your displeasure at the pupils behaviour and that the minibus driver did not have control of the pupils.
...I phoned his boss this morning to congratulate them on their refreshing approach to cultivating a public image.What was the reaction of the person you phoned?
...I phoned his boss this morning to congratulate them on their refreshing approach to cultivating a public image.What was the reaction of the person you phoned?
Over the weekend I was in Yorkshire with the Tandem Club (I was on a solo). We counted the number of "can you ride tandem/" in both cod and real Yorkshire accents. We got a fair few "she's not pedalling on the back". To which one of our group responded: "If I got a penny for every time I heard that, I wouldn't have to foookin pedal".
Ooh, must remember that one for next time we meet. ;D
- "G'wan luv!" From a man using the sportsball supporter voice.
*Points Kim at cheekiness on this thread :demon:*
On last night's social ride there was a couple of "oroughaghagarrrrrrrrrrrrrr"s and single ".....nkersssss" (obviously not fully ware of the Doppler effect) and one youngish person, in the back of a Fiesta, trying to squash his/her face out of a half opened window whilst sticking their tongue out at us.
The last one made me laugh.
"G'wan luv!" From a man using the sportsball supporter voice.
Not really oiks, not really shouted and not actually at me.
As we passed a middle aged couple on the recent Jogler ride, I was just behind Kim and so was in perfect position to overhear the comment "She should have brought a blanket out with that one."
Mum, I want one of *those*!
What? They wanted a Kim?
"Your rear light"
I look at light. Seems normal. Attached to bike. Turned on. Look enquiringly at pedestrian.
"It's flashing!".
"Your rear light"
I look at light. Seems normal. Attached to bike. Turned on. Look enquiringly at pedestrian.
"It's flashing!".
Old bloke outside Silloth Coop this afternoon when I was sat on the floor next to my bike eating a sandwich.
"You'll get piles sitting like that!" ???
Don't know why you're surprised, this is common wisdom. Sitting on cold walls (or ground) gives you piles. Didn't your nan tell you that when you were a lad?
I was told sitting on a hot radiator would give me piles.Old bloke outside Silloth Coop this afternoon when I was sat on the floor next to my bike eating a sandwich.
"You'll get piles sitting like that!" ???
Don't know why you're surprised, this is common wisdom. Sitting on cold walls (or ground) gives you piles. Didn't your nan tell you that when you were a lad?
Thread resurrection is always OK!
Your tale brings up questions about desirability/suitability of 'NCN' forsole/vulnerable/femaleany travellers
Depends on how tight the seatpost qr is.
That's the sickest bike I've evah seen mate! Can you take me for a ride!
Daddy daddy daddy! Mummy Mummy! Daddy daddy daddy!I don't even.
ON-ONE POMPINO! BEST BIKE IN THE WORLD!
Marmite jacket!
Some sprog shouted something about Bradley Wiggins at me yesterday.
Some sprog shouted something about Bradley Wiggins at me yesterday.
If anybody shouted anything about Bradley Wiggins at me yesterday it would have to be because they had some strange neurological condition where they were unable to recognise anybody's facial features apart from their beards. (I would guess "pogonagnosia" but i think that would be the opposite of the thing I'm describing)
The last thing they're going to do is shout names at them, just make awkward conversation in the hope that they happen to mention dating Willow, adamantium, an impressive track cycling career or whatever and can go from there. Which doesn't work all that well at the roadside.
Yesterday, and last week on Sunday rides "Where's your helmet?"I had two separate groups of children shouting that at me when I came down off Oxenhope Moor straight after the TdF last year. Never had it before or since (except from a couple of knob-end drivers of course).
I've never had that before, is there something going on?
"Mint bike, that!"
I was on the Surly 1x1. Can't really argue ;D
Yesterday, and last week on Sunday rides "Where's your helmet?"I had two separate groups of children shouting that at me when I came down off Oxenhope Moor
I've never had that before, is there something going on?
:-)Yesterday, and last week on Sunday rides "Where's your helmet?"I had two separate groups of children shouting that at me when I came down off Oxenhope Moor
I've never had that before, is there something going on?
Did you use Mr Larrington's reply?!?
Yesterday, and last week on Sunday rides "Where's your helmet?"
Yesterday, and last week on Sunday rides "Where's your helmet?"
A woman in our village used to shout that at me.
I would assume it was a variation on the 'Nuns in the bath' joke and reply:
"Yes, it probably does." :demon:
Yesterday, and last week on Sunday rides "Where's your helmet?"
A woman in our village used to shout that at me.
I would assume it was a variation on the 'Nuns in the bath' joke and reply:
"Yes, it probably does." :demon:
;D Using that.
I got a rather vitriolic 'go get a helmet' from someone the other day, my response was somewhat less prosaic.
Not a great day then, Kim? :(
"Spastic!"
"Spastic!"
That's rather retro.
Not a great day then, Kim? :(Quite appropriate, really, Basil. I have never seen the programme in question so I had no idea who Seth Armstrong was. I reckon your similarity to said character is as least as strong as mine to santa.
The windows being open just get me more Seth Armstrong (http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=Seth+Armstrong&oq=Seth+Armstrong&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.2757j0j4&client=tablet-android-google&sourceid=chrome-mobile&espvd=1&ie=UTF-8&gws_rd=ssl&safe=strict&norc=1&zx=1433437186172&safe=strict) shouts.
DLA ?
DLA ?
My guess is Disability Living Allowance.
Not a great day then, Kim? :(Quite appropriate, really, Basil. I have never seen the programme in question so I had no idea who Seth Armstrong was. I reckon your similarity to said character is as least as strong as mine to santa.
The windows being open just get me more Seth Armstrong (http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=Seth+Armstrong&oq=Seth+Armstrong&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.2757j0j4&client=tablet-android-google&sourceid=chrome-mobile&espvd=1&ie=UTF-8&gws_rd=ssl&safe=strict&norc=1&zx=1433437186172&safe=strict) shouts.
"Spastic!"
That's rather retro.
Fairly standard recumbent-specific abuse. I'd rather that than "DLA!" (which I've only had the once, thankfully), which conveys a whole other level of nastiness.
(I'm assuming they're inferring that funny bike means a disabled rider who might not be aware that they have a disability, so would benefit from having it pointed out - rather than using 'spastic' as a generic term of abuse, which would indeed be retro.)
It goes both ways of course. Sometimes people tell you you're cripspirational...
"Get a car, you cunt!"
"Get a car, you cunt!"
My reply: Get a bicycle!
I had my first "You should get a car" shout from a Saxo at the weekend.
DLA ?
My guess is Disability Living Allowance.
Indeed. Certain parts of society like to nounify it in the style of 'gay' as a term for disabled people. As in "We had to wait because the lift was full of DLAs".
See also: "scoper".
I wonder if we'll see it replaced with PIP...
I had my first "You should get a car" shout from a Saxo at the weekend.
response to Saxo driver- "So should you!"
Abuse! Abuse!
A couple of years ago riding along a lane towards the end of The January Sale 200 myself and Bikey Mikey had a Knackered old Ford Ka pull alongside us with some hill billy leaning out of the passenger window holding a can of Stella who shouted "Why don't you get a fucking car?" The car was alongside us and driving at our speed.
Mikey looked the guy in the eye and said. "I've got a Lotus in my garage you Twat". ;D
Hill Billy Boy looked gutted.
Yeah, but mine's still "sick as fuck!" :P
Tandems attract a lot of comment, and some fun misconceptions when it's an all male team. So far we've been taken for Father/Son (I liked that one), Gay Couple, Brothers, and obvious lunatics. I've started answering oblique questions about marriage with "Yes, we're married - to our wives" and varying the length of the pause in the middle just to see people's faces change :)
Tandems attract a lot of comment, and some fun misconceptions when it's an all male team. So far we've been taken for Father/Son (I liked that one), Gay Couple, Brothers, and obvious lunatics. I've started answering oblique questions about marriage with "Yes, we're married - to our wives" and varying the length of the pause in the middle just to see people's faces change :)
"Nice splash-deck, sir! of my poncho from a gate-person this morning.
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Brilliant answer.
This morning I got "You've got some legs on you girl" from a WVM at the lights on Chelsea Bridge.*
I turned my (bearded) face towards him and said "Thanks mate".
He looked confused.
ETA It does go to show that some men will shout stuff at anyone who they consider even vaguely resembles a woman (I don't think I particularly do but whevs)
*Technically a BVM as it was a blue van.
This morning I got "You've got some legs on you girl" from a WVM at the lights on Chelsea Bridge.*
This morning I got "You've got some legs on you girl" from a WVM at the lights on Chelsea Bridge.*
I turned my (bearded) face towards him and said "Thanks mate".
He looked confused.
ETA It does go to show that some men will shout stuff at anyone who they consider even vaguely resembles a woman (I don't think I particularly do but whevs)
*Technically a BVM as it was a blue van.
Typical!
Gets very wearing after a while.
Wascally presumably appears to be MALE many observers.
This 'attention' is a PITA to those who can't help looking female.
I was thinking of starting a thread on it a while ago but didn't really know how to begin it. I was thinking about it a lot when the Former Ms Weasel and I were out tandem training for Ride London earlier this year - people do speak to you much more when you're on a tandem (which is nice) and generally the response is friendly and positive but from time to time it's been quite patronising - in a way that I very rarely experience riding solo.
It's further reinforced my policy of not really making any comments at all other than a "Morning", "Hello", or "Do you need anything" to cyclists stopped by the roadside (I ask men and women). I rarely comment on the riding behaviour of others, one of the few I offer is when people overtake me scarily close either on bikes or in cars and I shout "Too close!" by reflex now.
Do I have to wear the floral skirt?
Do I have to wear the floral skirt?
I cycle twice a day with my dog Bosun ... with chase and behaviour issues so can't go off lead ... he is a menace. He was in the last chance saloon after an incident ... in Richmond ..."Bosun", hur, hur, sounds a bit like "Fenton".
I cycle twice a day with my dog Bosun on an extension waist lead. He is a very active Bearded Collie cross with chase and behaviour issues so can't go off lead - given he needs about 10-15 miles a day of running this is the only way I can keep him fit and healthy. For him it is the morning/evening patrols and he sees it firmly as his 'job'.
After a few offs in the early months, he's become an expert at pacing alongside, anticipating which side to cut as we overtake and which side of the bollards etc I am going to go. When he is working he simply ignores all distractions - squirrels under the nose, cats in the way, rats by the river, and all the other inquisitive or barmy dogs who want to have a go. On a mission. Off the bike - he is a menace. He was in the last chance saloon after an incident with a horse rider in Richmond, and the cycling has effectively saved his life. It was the suggestion of the top (most expensive) dog behaviourist in the UK after vet and other behaviourist consultation. Still got a lot of work to do but he may yet make it to old age.
Every few weeks I get someone tell me I am being cruel to the poor animal, and I am a lazy irresponsible so and so etc. I respond by asking exactly what their professional qualifications for the allegation are in case they have something useful to say - not yet - and then they get the full works. I then spend the day feeling bad.
From the description, it's more a matter of tethering a semi-controlled half-wolf-beast than dragging a handbag dog down the street tied to your bike.
Again? You aimimg on filling that dump yourself? ;)
<indecipherable>!When my dad was a teenager, he got pulled over by the police for going too fast on his bike. His response was that he didn't have a speedo, and they were just miffed because he overtook them.
Me: what's that?
Car passenger: 30! You're doing 30!
Me: 30? Really? ... Nice!
I don't have a speedo on my Langster, so I can only guess my speeds. Nice to get an occasional update!
Me, sat at a set of traffic lights on my recumbent trike.I like it . :thumbsup:
Car pulls alongside.
Passenger winds down window and says 'That looks comfortable'.
My reply, 'Yes, it's like sitting in an armchair in my front room'.
Passenger says, 'where's your telly then' ?
I reach over, tap my Garmin and say 'Just here' :-D
.
Riding tonight straight from work I had my trousers rolled up to show off my hi visit lily white calves. Some toff woman slowed down in her SUV wound her window down and told me I needed tights. I thanked her for her concern and said I was warm enough.
WTF?
Female cyclist on last weeks Sunrise Express Audax.DEFINITELY an Oik.
"You should be wearing a helmet"
Me.
"It's not compulsory, where's your bell? " ;D
We got a traditional "Do a wheelie" from youths at one of the many fine McEstablishments we visited on Friday and Saturday
We got a traditional "Do a wheelie" from youths at one of the many fine McEstablishments we visited on Friday and Saturday
Why does that never happen when you're riding something you could reasonably do a wheelie on?
We got a traditional "Do a wheelie" from youths at one of the many fine McEstablishments we visited on Friday and Saturday
Why does that never happen when you're riding something you could reasonably do a wheelie on?
Like a unicycle? Oh, hang on....
Plus a deployment of the now legendary Col. Bogey horn by a random motorist I wasn't really paying attention to at a junction.
Maybe we should have a Schadenfreude thread.
Having stopped near Berwick yesterday morning, on a drizzly minor road, to specifically photograph some terrible potholes I knew would 'still be there' (bless East Sussex CC), I thought I'd photograph little Bradley in one of them (Instagram: @mr.rigs if anyone's interested), and noticed this chap approaching me. I'd just got my phone out and as he cycled past I said "Morning" to him, and his reply was: "Put your fucking phone away!"
I replied: "I'm photographing potholes!"
"Roarghwooargrrrwrrh - jam!", from an oik hanging out of a passing van window. What was I wearing?
"Roarghwooargrrrwrrh - jam!", from an oik hanging out of a passing van window. What was I wearing?
Marmite jersey?
I had my first “Get on the cycle path!”* when cycling down Priory Lane today. Haven’t had one of these in ages so it was very welcome (statement may contain lies).
*I can only guess that’s what he said as the driver was on the other side of the road and I only heard “ath” due to our passing speed.
Ropey old car pulls up alongside.
Passenger who looks like he's been in a fight in the last 24 hours shouts "e're mate you've dropped something"
"Get a bike!" ???
Not sure this counts but wending our way south out of Nantes " Allez! Courage " from a bloke in a green saloon car.
Use of a bell seems to invoke absurd reactions sometimes
I canoed through that once, but I've never cycled around there.Not sure this counts but wending our way south out of Nantes " Allez! Courage " from a bloke in a green saloon car.
Likewise being encouraged into acts of hooligan descending on the northern side of the Ardèche gorge while riding a fully-loaded tourer, by the occupants of a Dutch-registered car.
Use of a bell seems to invoke absurd reactions sometimes
The probabilities divide roughly into thirds I find: A third of people will take it in the manner that it's intended[1] "Cyclist coming, don't leap sideways without looking". Another third will assume it's being used for the de-facto "GET OUT OF MY WAY PEDESTRIAN SCUM!" of a car horn, with an optional startle and sideways leap. And the rest simply won't hear it.
The only safe context for ringing your bell is in response to a cheerful wave by a small child.
[1] This seems to increase around canal bridges and in the presence of "Cyclists: Use your bell" signs.
I canoed through that once, but I've never cycled around there.Not sure this counts but wending our way south out of Nantes " Allez! Courage " from a bloke in a green saloon car.
Likewise being encouraged into acts of hooligan descending on the northern side of the Ardèche gorge while riding a fully-loaded tourer, by the occupants of a Dutch-registered car.
Use of a bell seems to invoke absurd reactions sometimes
The probabilities divide roughly into thirds I find: A third of people will take it in the manner that it's intended[1] "Cyclist coming, don't leap sideways without looking". Another third will assume it's being used for the de-facto "GET OUT OF MY WAY PEDESTRIAN SCUM!" of a car horn, with an optional startle and sideways leap. And the rest simply won't hear it.
The only safe context for ringing your bell is in response to a cheerful wave by a small child.
[1] This seems to increase around canal bridges and in the presence of "Cyclists: Use your bell" signs.
This. I don't even bother now. I find I get a better response to either 'excuse me' or an oral and jovial 'bing bing!' - that's got several laughs before now :thumbsup:
Especially approaching horses. The choices facing my chum Keith were the shriek of Kool Stops or approaching the horses at R17.
Similarly, the shriek of Kool Stops is undeniably effective, but doesn't always produce the desired result.
I have a nice noisy freewheel ratchet - that works very well for those that actually haveno headphone onfunctional hearing
You're a gentleman and a scholar!
I once rang my bring-bring bell and a pedestrian responded by answering their phone. Comedy gold.
GET A FUCKING HELMET!
My zero to your power of ten equalsA propos of nothing at all:Quote from: angry twat inna carGET A FUCKING HELMET!
I was just waiting to enter a roundabout, he was already on the roundabout having just come from my right, so there had been no previous interaction ??? He sounded really angry, too. Bizarre.
Do fucking helmets look a bit like the Sydney opera house?
Do fucking helmets look a bit like the Sydney opera house?
Do they have compulsory opera in Oz?
did he have a pressing engagement?Creased me up ;D
did he have a pressing engagement?Creased me up ;D
On the way out to Tesco's today, car passing in opposite direction.
"Nice tits!"
Somewhat bemused by that one, but, well, I'm happy with them...
I had a strange one last night as I left work. There is a gang o'lads who use the long driveway at this former hospital for practicing wheelies and generally pratting about on bikes and having fun :o *clutches pearls* WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN etc...
Any way, last night, they were just coming up the road as I left. As they streamed past on their BMXs and MTBs, and I rode the other way on my folder, one lad called out 'Bikelife!' and smiled.
one lad called out 'Bikelife!' and smiled.
Kids, messing about, having fun ...
Seems to be pretty much what the Bikelife stuff is about.
It often is. How long till "No ball games" is joined by "No bike games"?Kids, messing about, having fun ...
Seems to be pretty much what the Bikelife stuff is about.
That's outrageous, something must be done about it
It often is. How long till "No ball games" is joined by "No bike games"?
"Darling, go & find out what the children are doing & stop them."Kids, messing about, having fun ...
Seems to be pretty much what the Bikelife stuff is about.
That's outrageous, something must be done about it
Driver of car in adjacent lane at traffic lights: "Hey, you're bike's a bit deformed, isn't it?"
Kim: *examines bike in mock horror* "???"
Driver: *awkward silence*
"Ah, but you should see what I evolve into!" I said,very good
Can I go on yer bike missis
When you grow upfx: other yoofs rofl
has yer bike got gears
yes. yes it has. and brakes, toofx: other passengers smile
I really like yer bike missis. I like them leversfx:operating STI
er, thanks
I think he thinks it's just come back from the olympics
But was the bike okay?
Last week, as we did a Tour de Kent, from local youth near Canterbury: 'do a wheelie!' which I duly did.
Magnificently all the way down the street.
Of course, I had to have a little rest around the corner as my spine realigned itself. Ouch.
It's made from a super-dense transuranic element that science has yet to discover.
Episode 26: Lost in Sittingbourne.[/i]Speaking as a native of that place (but now residing about 10 miles away), even I'm not sure where the NCN goes now. I believe it avoids the travellers site in Murston, so you no longer have to carry your bike for a couple of hundred yards to avoid the broken glass and stuff.
I’ve recently had a dreadful experience of cycling in South Yorkshire, so different from my experience anywhere else in the UK that I shall certainly avoid ever cycling there in the future.Sorry to hear of your experience! Rest assured, Yorkshire is a BIG place and you had the misfortune to land in what is probably the worst part of it! Personally, I steer clear of the part you mentioned - outside the Doncaster/Rotherham corridor and few of the ex colliery towns I have had very little trouble with abuse.
"Alles klingen!" - kid onna BMX frantically ringing his bell at our group of under-equipped BRITISH cyclists as we passed on some Radweg or other.
You know you're in ABROAD when kids over the age of 8 have bells on their BMXes.
The Tiger bell on my wheelchair has disintegrated. I so need a replacement!
It's dragons that be in south London, not tigers. Tigers come from Indiah, as any fule kno.
Lions and Tigers, oh my ;DYou know how to push my buttons, Mr L:
A man of about 30-ish on a bike overtook me last night and shouted 'dickhead'! as he went past. No idea what that was about as I was riding on an empty road and had made no manoeuvres for ages.
Absence of helmet possibly ? (I have no idea if you were wearing one or not.)
I’ve recently had a dreadful experience of cycling in South Yorkshire, so different from my experience anywhere else in the UK that I shall certainly avoid ever cycling there in the future.
....acknowledged but cut out for shortness....
....
Not an oik (a well-spoken old man) and not shouted (he spoke quietly and politely) but I think it counts. I was stopped for a sarnie when said man parked beside me and got out to use the same shop. He walked up to me and said "I passed you a little while ago. You really should wear 'hi viz' - you're very hard to see without it". I was wearing a white jacket over a white jersey. I pointed out (equally politely) that white is the most high visibility colour in the spectrum, but he just looked confusedly at me and walked on.
Telling you he'd just moved up north from Billericay?
Eta: In case of offended Billericatians, I'm thinking of Billericay Dickie.
Note for Wowbagger: This is a reference to a song by Ian Dury, Essex's third most famous Popular Beat Combo after Bobb and William Byrd.
The Tiger bell on my wheelchair has disintegrated. I so need a replacement!
I heard they were in KenyaIt's dragons that be in south London, not tigers. Tigers come from Indiah, as any fule kno.
Apart from USAnian tourists visiting Africa, who seem notorious for escaping this factoid.
Lions and Tigers, oh my ;DYou know how to push my buttons, Mr L:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPtBnhehPOU
Note for Wowbagger: This is a reference to a song by Ian Dury, Essex's third most famous Popular Beat Combo after Bobb and William Byrd.
I also think you might like to revise your top Essex pbcs, as Dr. Feelgood and Procul Harum are also from around these parts. Not to mention Suzi Quatro* and Barrington Pheloung.
You'll get yourself killed
Telling you he'd just moved up north from Billericay?
Eta: In case of offended Billericatians, I'm thinking of Billericay Dickie.
Note for Wowbagger: This is a reference to a song by Ian Dury, Essex's third most famous Popular Beat Combo after Bobb and William Byrd.
I'll have you know, if you didn't already, that not only was I born in Billericay but also that I am a great admirer of the late Dury I. Some time about 1980, when I was the sole music teacher in a boys' sec mod, I invited the kids at the end of term to bring in their choice of music. I am pleased to say that no senior staff were within earshot when the melodic strains of Plaistow Patricia wafted their way out of the lo-fi with which my music room was ill-equipped.
I also think you might like to revise your top Essex pbcs, as Dr. Feelgood and Procul Harum are also from around these parts. Not to mention Suzi Quatro* and Barrington Pheloung.
*resident very close to the Compasses, Littley Green, spiritual home of the MEMW reprobates.
I simply didn't know Depeche Mode were from Essex (though it certainly fits). Wowbagger might shy away from them because of their alleged far-right sympathies (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/feb/24/richard-spencer-depeche-mode-are-not-the-official-band-of-the-alt-right) (which actually seem to be far-right sympathies for kinky sadomasochistic sex... ).Telling you he'd just moved up north from Billericay?
Eta: In case of offended Billericatians, I'm thinking of Billericay Dickie.
Note for Wowbagger: This is a reference to a song by Ian Dury, Essex's third most famous Popular Beat Combo after Bobb and William Byrd.
I'll have you know, if you didn't already, that not only was I born in Billericay but also that I am a great admirer of the late Dury I. Some time about 1980, when I was the sole music teacher in a boys' sec mod, I invited the kids at the end of term to bring in their choice of music. I am pleased to say that no senior staff were within earshot when the melodic strains of Plaistow Patricia wafted their way out of the lo-fi with which my music room was ill-equipped.
I also think you might like to revise your top Essex pbcs, as Dr. Feelgood and Procul Harum are also from around these parts. Not to mention Suzi Quatro* and Barrington Pheloung.
*resident very close to the Compasses, Littley Green, spiritual home of the MEMW reprobates.
You forgotted Depeche Mode , originating from Basildon. htps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depeche_Mode (http://htps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depeche_Mode)
Which professional team? Knowing which one would be good for their PR.Sadly no team strip.
Aren't couriers professional cyclists? They get paid to ride bikes.Fair point. He might have said 'racer' and not 'rider'. He certainly didn't look like a bike courier.
Which professional team? Knowing which one would be good for their PR.Sadly no team strip.
Which professional team? Knowing which one would be good for their PR.Sadly no team strip.
Then he isn't a pro.
Me, yesterday, when passed with about 1" clearance by a racing snake in Richmond Park.
"Closer please!"
"What"
"Can you get closer next time ?"
"Mumble mumble"
"You were too close."
"Where's your helmet ?"
"OH FUCK OFF."
I chased him down (I was out for a slow pootle) and took issue with him on this. His response ?
"I'm a professional bike rider. I know what I'm doing."
Twat.
Yesterday, descending a fast hill down into Garelochead village at about 40mph I enter the 30 zone but keep the speed on as I know that I’ll soon be ascending a steep little hill that will take all my speed off.
Right behind me all the way down is a 4x4, once the road is clear ahead, and while we are both already speeding in the 30 zone he overtakes me.
2 minutes later in the Spar shop driver of said 4x4 points out that I was speeding coming into the village. ::-)
"Are you French?"
Somewhere, on another cycling forum, someone is posting that a fat bird on a bike muttered this at him as he hugged the right hand side of the cycle path when they passed going in opposite directions.
Not really sure if this fits here but hey ho....
Yesterday was the annual Katherine House Hospice sponsored cycle rides. There are four routes including a 65 and 45 mile effort. I set off to do the longer ride but the wind was too strong for me so I bottled out and took the easy effort.
Anyway, after about 14 miles, the route of both the longer rides take the riders out from Eccleshall along the back roads to Bishops Offley. Its quite a wide road for a back road if a little lumpy: looking at Strava, I averaged around 14mph including the climb up to the petrol station in the village.
It was here that I heard part of a conversation between a car driver and the marshals at the water stop. The part I heard was the marshal explaining that: "I am sorry, I have no control over the speed of the cyclists." My guess is that the car driver was complaining about the speed some of the fast boys were going.
What made me smile about this was the type of car being driven by the complainant: yes, a BMW M5. Okay, I am stereotyping here, but not a car known to be driven slowly.
Shouting by proxy...
The Canary - reading the bottom of the Internet so you don't have to
https://www.thecanary.co/2017/07/31/daily-mail-readers-losing-their-rags-over-cyclists-will-brighten-up-your-monday-images/
Not had shouting in ages.
In reverse, what (if anything) do you holler out to fellow cyclists when you are on foot or in a car? Nice bike?
Is that the one under the railway signposted 'London-Paris"?The very same.
Is that the one under the railway signposted 'London-Paris"?The very same.
One of these then?
(https://images.footballfanatics.com/FFImage/thumb.aspx?i=/productimages/_2422000/altimages/ff_2422159alt2_full.jpg&w=2000)
What's wrong with people that they behave this way? Midnight on a Saturday just before Christmas, the city centre is full of drunken revellers and when a lycra-clad cyclist rides by... no one says anything!!!I am shocked, no, appalled by the dreadful drop in standards.
Today out on a rural lane near home, a cyclist ( a proper cyclist in lycra not just a nutter on a BSO) told Mrs. M to "Fuck off ".
Fortunately for him,I was some way ahead of her or he would have been beating any strava segment known to man with me chasing him.
As he had passed me earlier ,I can just about remember what he looked like.
Fortunately for him,I was some way ahead of her or he would have been beating any strava segment known to man with me chasing him.What would you have done? Asked him to apologise? ;)
Random shouty man in car: "STUPID CUNT!"
the testosterone giggles[1]
Locked my bike up outside the local supermarket yesterday. When i got back some idiot came up and started trying to tell me that my slick tyres were illegal and that he would report me ::-)
I've had 3 verbal, I am loathed to say, 'attacks' in the past 5 days. Hell of a run.
Instance 1 -
Out celebrating the solstice last Thursday, circa 5am, a 60ish yr old shambles up to me (I was dressed in my 'cyclist' outfit) and proceeds to tell me about how cyclists hold him up when he drives to the shop, and that a cyclist swore at someone he knows. He then went on to ask why people over 30 ride bikes - they should get cars! Perhaps it was that I had been up riding all night, but my fuse was surprisingly short and I was fairly nasty to him - thus re-enforcing his view that we are scum, i presume. *sigh*
Instance 2 -
Friday. In my local pub, they know i ride bikes. Someone casually brought it up "I expect you've cycled further than that, Peat" blah blah. Then the landlord couldn't help himself and said how he'd been held up the other day (because there was no way to pass a bike because of the volume of traffic coming the other way - bikes fault, obviously) thus prompting a flood of abuse from the other patrons. All directed at me - "You lot....road tax.....helmets". I tried very hard to remain civil, when i felt my ears get hot (rage impending) I drank what was left in my glass and left.
Instance 3 -
On my way to the club run last night, waiting to pull out onto the main road. A career alcoholic (all the visible signs) on the pavement stops and leans down and squints at my bike, springs back and lets out a sarcastic "Ooooh, wooow! RESPECT mate!". I said "It's a nice colour, isn't it?" To which he replied "You lot a f***in pricks, I ........." I cut him off and assured him i'd raise his complaint at the next bicyclist meeting. Rode off.
Perhaps it's just an exceptionally bad run, but i've never been on the end of this volume of ire. I feel like it's just us and 'travellers' left as groups that can be openly derided without fear of being labelled as some sort of '----ist'. :facepalm:
/vent
I used to think the phrase, "Doesn't suffer fools lightly" was a bit weird.. like, who actually does suffer fools lightly? Then nonsense like the conversations you've related happen.
Sorry mate. I don't suffer fools lightly. #CyclesOff #FindsAnotherPub
Room 101 on primetime BBC1 last night won't have helped. 'Lycra Louts' were the target of hatred and into Rm101 they went. I wonder how many people had their prejudices confirmed through a broadcast we all paid for. It's okay - is only comedy Snowflake, get over it. :(
Room 101 on primetime BBC1 last night won't have helped. 'Lycra Louts' were the target of hatred and into Rm101 they went. I wonder how many people had their prejudices confirmed through a broadcast we all paid for. It's okay - is only comedy Snowflake, get over it. :(
I'm not particularly keen on lycra louts myself, but I can tell the difference between that minority and the rest of us.
Non cyclists will, I suppose, tend to lump us all together in their prejudice.
Who was it that nominated them?
Didn't see the programme but if he who I think he are, he a overprivileged actor from a huntin', shootin' and fishin' over-privileged dynasty.
Personally I think you need to lighten up a bit.
So did most people.Personally I think you need to lighten up a bit.
Come join me on my morning commute and lets see if you still agree...
Had a pedestrian step out into the fietspad yesterday while staring at her phone. Was a close call...
J
- Two wobbly tourists (also on hire bikes) who didn't appear to have any road sense whatsoever, but were evidently having a great time.I spoke to some one who said that the Boris bikes are great for cycling because so many tourist uses them and that makes other think a bit more.
(The motor traffic is less of an issue, it's like Brummies but slowed down and less rule-bound.)
(The motor traffic is less of an issue, it's like Brummies but slowed down and less rule-bound.)
Interesting; I've not spent much time driving or cycling in Birmingham proper, but I have to say my experience of West Midlands drivers is that they're abominable - I'd take London any day.
Not a shout at all, a conversation with a drunk who approached me while I was waiting at the traffic lights by the town gate in Chepstow. After some initial incoherent mumbling and gesticulation, he managed to come out with "What do you think of a Welshman winning the Tour de France?"
I think it might not actually be creepy voyeurism, but just "Wow, what's that weird looking thing? Slow down and let me take a photo!"
Many people will never have come across a repugnant.
The picture is only intended as something to show their mates in the pub, as something a bit unusual.
Well, I suppose the difference is between someone who *is* a bit unusual versus someone who is *doing* something a bit unusual.
They seem different situations to me.
Happens all the time when you ride a recumbent. Seems to have parallels to oik behaviour towards people with certain disabilities, body shapes, etc. with the key difference that I can always get off my bike.
"ARE YOU A FUCKING BIKE? ARE YOU FUCKING CYCLING? GET OUT OF THE FUCKING ROAD!" - unseen person somewhere behind me (probably in one of several likely-looking vans) while I was in a queue of traffic on approach to a roundabout.
I was aleady in a bad mood after having to cut my ride short due to a nasty visitation, and this really didn't help.
Woman waiting outside primary school at SUV o'clock: "You're a legend!""SUV o'clock" good phrase. Except of course without the context it could refer to just about any time of day of day or night!
Not shouting, but for want of a better thread:Classic! But... you don't drink tea...
Oik: "Is that nitro?"
Me: "Hmm?"
Oik: "That bottle, is it nitro?"
Me: "Oh!" *wondering if he's too young to get a Remembrance of the Daleks reference* "No, it's fuel for my camping stove."
Oik: "...To make it go faster?"
Me: "To make it make tea!"
Oik: "Oh, okay."
With a blurry bit in the middle (eg. handcycling to the shops).The reaction I get when I 'miraculously' get off the handbike to walk into the shop (albeit with a bit of a limp and a groan) is usually confuddlingly priceless.
[1] He was holding it in portrait aspect ratio too. Some people have no class.
Group of Dutch Yoofs cycling at night, covering most of a whole cycle lane, I'm going a little quicker, and want to over take. I come up behind and say "cycle straight" they kinda make enough space for me to get through. Then one of them starts trying to match my pace.
"Oh you want a race do you?"
"*inarticulate Dutch mumbling*"
I fell down onto the aerobars, upped the cadence, and zoomed off, leaving them behind. After I had a few hundred meters between them and I, I eased up, another 100m or so later, and one oik catches me up and goes passed saying something in Dutch I didn't catch...
It brightened up a late evenings ride home from the space.
J
Apparently I don't own the road. Who knew? It's a good job there are random cunts in cars about to keep us informed of these things.
"G'wan, PEDAL!" from a random pedestrian as I slowed to a halt behind a van in a queueueueue of traffic.
This bloke actually lost his taxi licence, not his driving licence, but highly unusual.
Dutch? lorry drivers are more tolerant of cyclists........Is he in the right job?
https://www.liveleak.com/view?t=uvuc6_1560076423
In the Vendee on holiday a couple of weeks back, with Hewitt tourer stripped of racks and guards to look like some sort of mutant gravel tourer thing. Out on a Sunday morning, bearded, wearing YACF KOM jersey and Clement casquette, heading towards the coast and expecting the usual local club rides, when younger rider with bike sporting three-spoke carbon front wheel and tri-bars appears at a turning ahead:
MS: Bonjour!
YR: Bonjour, Patron. ('Hello Boss')
I am taking that as some sort of respectful salutation...
Are you suggesting that is a colloquial way of saying hello fatty? O:-)Qui a mangé toutes les tartes?
Yesterday, from passing car: "Knob."
Today, from random pedestrian: "Sick boik, luv." (In a hybrid Brummie-Yorkshire accent.)
"Do a Wheelie" long predates lockdown
Get your ears pinned backA disconcerting awareness about minor cosmetic surgery procedures from someone of around junior school age.
This MIGHT be an actual trend. Last night :"Do a Wheelie" long predates lockdown
Of course, but it seems to be all I'm getting from the yoof now. No more "lying down on the job", much reduced testosterone giggles, but endless requests for wheelies. Most odd.
[...]
I may have shared the advice that 'he's a keeper' with her and cycled away quickly.
Students across the road are having a socially-distanced conversation with some others on the street by sticking their heads out of the opening bit at the top of their front room window...
Outside student: [inaudible]
Window student: Yeah, but you'd look like a right idiot riding it.
Outside student: Yeah, say that loud enough that she can hear us(!)
Me: *stops faffing with keys, performs the now legendary royal wave*
Window student: *ducks, realises this is pointless, sheepishly re-emerges*
I stopped at a zebra crossing, as pedestrians were waiting to cross. An oncoming driver did the same.
Parent to small child, as they crossed: "These people are kind to stop for us, aren't they?"
Me: "Not really, we're just obeying the law, like we're supposed to."
You are obviously right, but I'm amazed at how many times I said "thank you" to someone who just obeyed the law. Perhaps, as a cyclist, I'm no more expecting people to behave sensibly!
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I went through a phase of refusing to thank people for following the law - and I still refuse to thank people who stop at a zebra crossing (because then I'd have to do the same for people who stop at red lights, etc) - but I agree that you catch more flies with honey, so smiling and waving at people for not being dicks is now my thing.
Two utter morons in a Monday, on a far narrower, windy road with no real overtaking spots and poor forward visibility, but I knew widened out after about 4-5km. They were sat behind me after about 2km, revving and surging, including one aborted unsafe overtake attempt in a field entrance.
Yeah, I usually let them go in that scenario.
What happens fairly often though, is that you catch the person you let past as they stop/pull-in/reverse for an on-coming car that you would have otherwise slinked on by with ease.
Still. 'Share the road' applies to all users.
Yeah, I usually let them go in that scenario.
What happens fairly often though, is that you catch the person you let past as they stop/pull-in/reverse for an on-coming car that you would have otherwise slinked on by with ease.
Still. 'Share the road' applies to all users.
I get that a lot especially when going through Bisley, I've run out of politeness some years ago so they just get heckled with extreme prejudice.
"Ehh! The dentist wot fucked up my teef 's got one of those!"Maybe it just reminded them of the chair?
I think this is officially the most random thing I've had shouted at me while cycling. Presumably they're not good enough at dentistry to afford a Pinarello...
Also a random "Idiot!" from the window of an overtaking car, for no obvious reason.
A friend of my ex reckons (reckoned, I suppose, given that I heard the story 20-odd years ago) that she was sitting peacefully on the Tube when an apparently normal bloke sitting close to her leaned over."No, I've been talking to Phil Collins and he knows I'm right"
- "Have you spoken to Jesus recently?"
- "Yes. He warned me about people like you."
Two cyclists had passed me whilst I was stopped taking a photo in a country lane. I was on my recumbent. I set off and half a mile down lane caught them up. Just as I was about to overtake the man decides to pull out to the right blocking my path.
Me: “Behind you”
Man pulls back into left , behind woman, and then as I’m passing
Man: “Where’s your bell?”
Me: “Where’s your mirror?”
The response only working as I was on my recumbent, which does have a mirror.
Where’s your bell is a pet irritant of mine when it’s perfectly clear they heard your call just fine from behind.
I get it must be upsetting to be overtaken on a steep climb by a chap wearing a waistcoat on a cargo bike while you struggle (insert some rapha copy here), but being called a cheater is getting a bit tiring, it's not like we were racing or anything I'm just going home with all my work shit.It's not about you, it's me. Telling the e-bikes they're cheating is motivation to keep on taking much-needed exercise on my own (once and future) commute. Sorry if it's audible.
I guess proclaiming something as "cheating" depends on the tone used. Yes, if someone my age uses an e-bike they're cheating, but I mean this in a good natured banter fashion (as really anyone using multiple gears and a freewheel is also cheating ... and I guess to the Penny Farthing and Unicycle riders I am cheating).
I thought I'd balance the bile with a nice little tale.
Yes, "where is your bell" is code for "I'm a grumpy old git". When pedestrians say this to me I tend to stop and discuss with them why I don't use a bell, why talking to people is (to me) more polite and also more effective and safer.
Kids screaming at cyclists out of car windows (presumably driven by their parents). This is now a thing in South Oxfordshire, it seems. 3x times in the last month, previously, I remember it happening only once in the preceding 5 years or so.
I suppose it's technically harmless, but it never fails to startle me. Also suggests a generational encouragement of viewing cyclists as 'fair game' for any kind of jape. That'll be fun when they learn to drive...
Three minutes later, as I pulled up alongside the car waiting at the traffic lights, I apologised for not hearing and wondered if she wouldn't mind repeating it. One very embarrassed 6-9 year old (I'm not good at guessing ages) and two highly amused parents trying to stifle their laughter. Apparently <mumbled> I needed to get off and milk it </mumbled>. I tried, but could only get water out of the bottle.
"Where's your bell?"
"Here:" *bring-bring*
"Well, why didn't you ring it then?"
"I did."
"BloodyCyclists."
This thread has prompted me to fit the spacer mounted bell I bought about a year ago. It was trickier than required as all the spacers had rusted to the fork due to having been ignored for more than 16 years ...Took the bike out yesterday and used the bell - something has changed as pedestrains are jumping out the way and the bell has a very nice ping.
Sounds liek P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®
I was adjusting my bibs whilst waiting for some friends outside a shop and a woman in a passing car shouted "sorting your bollocks out there love" - I didn't really know how to respond because yes, I was...
"Well spotted"?
"Give me a hand then"?
"Aaah, that's better"?
I was riding up Pier Hill the other day, which I like to do as a bit of Old Git Cycling PR (it also takes me through a rather attractive bit of unspoiled Victorian and pre-Victorian Saarfend), and a lorry was behind me. I was doing about 5mph and the lorry driver decided that overtaking would be a Bad Idea, which was a good decision.
https://goo.gl/maps/weRUa8PaQGHuWtdM6 illustrates.
Suddenly a pair of oiks went zooming past on electric-powered scooters/small-wheel bikes. They were going up the cycle lane, contrary to the painted arrows.
"Oi knob-head!" shouted the first. "Use the cycle lane!"
They were away far too quickly for any pithy response
*BMX bandit spots me and moves from the far pavement to the wrong side of the road in order to ride alongside (confusing the motorist behind, who was starting to overtake)*Yes, but did you pop a wheelie?
BMX bandit: "[Inaudible] mong vehicle!"
Kim: "Excuse me, what?"
BMX bandit: *pedals furiously as if to prove some kind of point*
Kim: "Yeah, that's not going to work..."
*Kim engages the big ring and accelerates to speeds well in excess of 20mph*
*BMX bandit observed sheepishy withdrawing to pavement in rear view mirror*
*BMX bandit spots me and moves from the far pavement to the wrong side of the road in order to ride alongside (confusing the motorist behind, who was starting to overtake)*:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
BMX bandit: "[Inaudible] mong vehicle!"
Kim: "Excuse me, what?"
BMX bandit: *pedals furiously as if to prove some kind of point*
Kim: "Yeah, that's not going to work..."
*Kim engages the big ring and accelerates to speeds well in excess of 20mph*
*BMX bandit observed sheepishy withdrawing to pavement in rear view mirror*
Constructive communication. It’s so refreshing. **Motor vehicles** don’t lend themselves to it much.
me in the wrong aspect ratio
Out on the Pino today, we stopped at the Shoreham Air Crash Memorial (recommended by the way).
The arches. I'd not seen it before. I _think_ there was a bench there yesterday.Out on the Pino today, we stopped at the Shoreham Air Crash Memorial (recommended by the way).
is that the small one on the bridge or the 11/12 arches at the E end by the Downs Link?
Some towrags threw the bench by the latter into the river a while ago
Not too much on an oik as it was a me
Getting towards work ninja cyclist on the road but didn't seem to look like the usual ninja, dressed in cycling gear with a lid and on a decent looking bike and going at a pace but no rear light
Got a bit closer and could see the rear light, it just wasn't on so managed to safely overtake, pull into turning for my work and shout a "your rear lights out mate" as they passed
Judging by the fact he was trying to switch it on as he cycled onwards he had either forgotten or it had packed up
Although I do tend to run a spare lED rear light for peace of mind
Although I do tend to run a spare lED rear light for peace of mind
That would certainly deter close passes. :)
ISTR you have a black Altura Night Vision & a Fluro Yellow thing as well. If you were wearing the latter you need to report this woman to der bizzies, she's not safe to be on the roads....
*BEEP!* said the oncoming car, as the driver haul himself up on the steering wheel and leaned out of the window in order to be better heard by the oncoming cyclist...Was he driving an old banger?
"SAUSAGE!" Shouted the driver.
*BEEP!* said the oncoming car, as the driver haul himself up on the steering wheel and leaned out of the window in order to be better heard by the oncoming cyclist...Was he driving an old banger?
"SAUSAGE!" Shouted the driver.
Yesterday, whilst I was cycling along Southend’s infamous York Road to see my Good Pal Penelope.
“Zee zee Top!”, whom I believe to be a superannuated PBC, m’lud.
Yesterday, whilst I was cycling along Southend’s infamous York Road to see my Good Pal Penelope.
“Zee zee Top!”, whom I believe to be a superannuated PBC, m’lud.
Zizi being of course a French baby-word for willy. And the Cirl Bunting (https://www.rspb.org.uk/birds-and-wildlife/wildlife-guides/bird-a-z/cirl-bunting/).
Hah! I used to know a bloke whose name begged to be pronounced as pink ass.
Yesterday, whilst I was cycling along Southend’s infamous York Road to see my Good Pal Penelope.
“Zee zee Top!”, whom I believe to be a superannuated PBC, m’lud.
Zizi being of course a French baby-word for willy. And the Cirl Bunting (https://www.rspb.org.uk/birds-and-wildlife/wildlife-guides/bird-a-z/cirl-bunting/).
And it's also a perfectly legitimate Moroccan name. Try to remain serious while greeting your work colleague with a:
"Bonjour Monsieur Zizi."
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Not sure this counts but I had drawing pins thrown out of a car window into my path last week.
Anecdata but: this happened near my workplace a number of years back, regularly ie >once. Apparently it was taken seriously only once a motorist had raised as being a problem. Therefore don't mention you were on a bike.Not sure this counts but I had drawing pins thrown out of a car window into my path last week.
Wrong thread! You should start a new thread: "Oiks shooting stuff at cyclists".
More seriously, I think that throwing drawing pins with the intent of causing punctures is dangerous enough that such action should always be reported to the police.
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Not sure this counts but I had drawing pins thrown out of a car window into my path last week.
(Large silver SUV - Chigwell area)
Not sure this counts but I had drawing pins thrown out of a car window into my path last week.
(Large silver SUV - Chigwell area)
There has been something of a spate of tack throwing by inadequate SUV occupants in the Epping - Ongar - Chigwell triangle recently. The sensitive little darlings are feeling all upset about the shrinking effect of Ride London on their already miniscule male appendage and believe they are exacting some kind of Putin-esque revenge on the hordes of invading cyclists by throwing tacks from their car windows. The area gets more Birds of a Feather meets Only Fools and Horses by the day!
Driver of car, stopped at the stop line at the top of Weatheroak Hill[1] winds down his window in anticipation of me crossing the junction. As I pass, he serenades me with a full operatic rendition of the word "Bicycle!" inna Freddie Mecury style.If you were on the Red Baron, the correct reply would have been "I'm on a rocket ship to Selly Oak!"
Pink Ass Sugar Daddy, no less.Hah! I used to know a bloke whose name begged to be pronounced as pink ass.
Not a world-famous violinist, I suppose?
"You scream like a fish!"
From a black-clad deliverybod on a stealth-lit ebike who had just jumped the lights across my path. "Take a look!" I had shouted, raising my well-modulated and manly baritone on the last syllable, forte-fortissimo in a diminished fifth. He did look, and our paths didn't intersect. So I won, even if I scream like a fish. ???