Yet Another Cycling Forum

Off Topic => The Pub => Food & Drink => Topic started by: vorsprung on 09 April, 2017, 08:42:00 am

Title: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: vorsprung on 09 April, 2017, 08:42:00 am
Jay Rayner goes to an expensive 3 star Michelin place in paris....

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/apr/09/le-cinq-paris-restaurant-review-jay-rayner
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Pickled Onion on 09 April, 2017, 10:06:36 am
 ;D

Also worth clicking through to his blog to see the pictures of the actual dishes, as they were served!
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: nicknack on 09 April, 2017, 10:12:59 am
I wonder who picked up the tab?
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: The French Tandem on 09 April, 2017, 10:15:09 am
I have always considered that spending 600€ on a meal for two is silly, and I'm happy that finally, someone say it clearly.  I'm infinitely more impressed by my local Turkish sandwich shop, where I was fed yesterday with a very decent and healthy sandwich for 5€.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 09 April, 2017, 10:50:11 am
;D

Also worth clicking through to his blog to see the pictures of the actual dishes, as they were served!
They are works of art, aren't they, but sound to be disgusting to eat.

Some of the nicest and most impressive meals I've eaten have been in the cheapest (or most reasonably priced) restaurants.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: hellymedic on 09 April, 2017, 11:24:09 am
Am I alone in feeling too much 'Art on a Plate' is off-putting?

I like my food to look like food - tempting, tasty, not too much, not too little.

Maybe 'fine dining' is not for me.

I probably get at least half a dozen food/restaurant emails daily and most do not encourage or tempt me.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Sergeant Pluck on 09 April, 2017, 11:35:42 am
Most entertaining - cheers for the link.

Quote
My lips purse, like a cat’s arse that’s brushed against nettles.

 :thumbsup:

Is that business of giving the “ladies” (or, as he suggests, the “nieces”) a menu without prices a common thing in such places? How horrible.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: The French Tandem on 09 April, 2017, 11:47:30 am
Is that business of giving the “ladies” (or, as he suggests, the “nieces”) a menu without prices a common thing in such places? How horrible.

I would like to know how do they deal with gay couples.

Waiter: "Who's the husband and who's the wife?"
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Kim on 09 April, 2017, 12:46:19 pm
If they even let you in in the first place, I expect they'd make an arbitrary decision based on height or age or hairstyle or something.  That's usually how it works.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jakob W on 09 April, 2017, 02:02:50 pm
I do like a bit of Jay Rayner when he's got a head of steam up.

Is that business of giving the “ladies” (or, as he suggests, the “nieces”) a menu without prices a common thing in such places? How horrible.

It's not uncommon for haute cuisine places; I've occasionally been given one when being taken out for lunch. On the one hand I approve of the sentiments behind it - the idea being it allows the guest to choose the dishes they'd most like without being steered by the prices - but in practice it becomes another opportunity for stereotypes to rear their heads (and goodness knows most haute places have more than enough of that already.)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mmmmartin on 09 April, 2017, 02:35:22 pm
Great thread. This quote is good: My companion winces. 'It’s like eating a condom that’s been left lying about in a dusty greengrocer’s,' she says."
I hear the voice of experience.
Title: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 09 April, 2017, 02:36:31 pm
That sounds terrible. The dishes he was served, going by his own pics rather than the press shots, are most definitely not works of art. They look revolting.

Most expensive meal I ever had was at Sketch in London, which was about half the price of Jay Rayner's meal at Cinq (although it was 12 years ago, so prices have probably gone up since then). It was similarly disappointing - a long procession of showy dishes that were well executed but seriously lacking in the flavour department.

Around the same time, I had dinner at Nobu, which also came to well over £200 but was worth every penny - the food both looked beautiful and tasted incredible.

I should add that I wasn't paying for either meal, but I would happily pay my own money to eat that food at Nobu again. I can still clearly remember some of the dishes. I can't remember a single one of the dishes at Sketch.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mmmmartin on 09 April, 2017, 02:41:07 pm
"It is mostly black, like nightmares, and sticky, like the floor at a teenager’s party."

Hahahah!!!!!

Best place I've eaten recently was The Swan at Ingham in Norfolk.
http://www.theinghamswan.co.uk/
Was in the area on holiday in December, had lunch there and instantly booked lunch for the next four days. Great food, done well, not pretentious, friendy efficient staff. Worth an effort to go there.

And this from a rider who thinks the height of culinary achievement is a Ginster's pasty and a pint of milk at 3am at the Barton Mills garage on one of Tomsk's rides.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Pickled Onion on 10 April, 2017, 08:04:13 am
I wonder who picked up the tab?
Apparently they split the bill, and the newspaper reimbursed 50% of his half.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Julian on 10 April, 2017, 09:15:35 am
Is that business of giving the “ladies” (or, as he suggests, the “nieces”) a menu without prices a common thing in such places? How horrible.

I would like to know how do they deal with gay couples.

Waiter: "Who's the husband and who's the wife?"

They guess based on height, which is why C always gets awarded my chips and beer, and I always get her salad and soft drink.  The only exception to this is if I'm wearing a tux.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Wascally Weasel on 10 April, 2017, 09:26:03 am
Is that business of giving the “ladies” (or, as he suggests, the “nieces”) a menu without prices a common thing in such places? How horrible.

Yes.  When the Former Ms Weasel was taken to La Gavroche for a work Christmas meal, the only man present was given the menu with prices.  The female director (who was paying) was not best pleased.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 10 April, 2017, 09:48:28 am
They guess based on height, which is why C always gets awarded my chips and beer, and I always get her salad and soft drink.  The only exception to this is if I'm wearing a tux.
Do you alter your tip if they don't make assumptions?

MrsC and I get assumptions when ordering drinks to a table, since she will usually have a pint and I a half. A number of servers will automatically plonk the pint in front of the 'man' don't get as large a tip. The ones who check first get a bigger tip.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Ham on 10 April, 2017, 10:10:48 am
My MiL (87) tipple of choice is a pint, which always confuses servers.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 10 April, 2017, 12:00:06 pm
I've eaten at quite a few posh places (because not paying, though I've paid a few times). I've rarely been impressed and I've often been disappointed. It's the sort of showy nonsense that makes me want to demand an actual meal. Not a froth, an emulsion, or a spherification. I want my ice cream to taste of ice cream and not a sea urchin. If I'm not in France I don't want my menu in florid French. Frankly I don't want florid fucking French in France.

These places are just status, look at the size of my bill. An ugly way to live. In all honesty, I don't want to sit in a roomful of people in £1000 shoes with £5000 handbags engaged a contest of ostentatious pissing. I piss in their consomme.

Yeah, the his-and-her menu thing, I had hoped that would die, but it still happens. As my wife will sweetly ask, does this mean ladies eat for free?

Give me a good grilled kebab and bread, with a side of beer, in a decent mangal and I'm happy.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 10 April, 2017, 12:52:46 pm
Not a froth, an emulsion, or a spherification.

Nothing wrong with an emulsion - many classic sauces are emulsions (eg hollandaise). Froth is just an affectation though.

I've seen the spherification technique used to good effect, eg to make pearls of jelly, like a sort of ersatz caviar. It's a good way to deliver an intense hit of a secondary flavour, along with some contrasting textural interest.

I don't have a problem with sea urchin ice cream either. I've had oyster ice cream and it worked very well. Sea urchin ice cream with raw scallop sashimi should work as a flavour and texture combination, but as Jay Rayner points out, it is hardly original.
 
The one that really riles me is 'soil'. Fucking soil does not belong on a fucking dinner plate.

The real problem with a lot of so-called 'fine dining' is that all these fancy affectations might have been innovative and interesting once upon a time but have become commonplace clichés, badly executed and thrown on a plate by hack chefs who lack an original idea of their own. In fact, the whole fine dining thing is a cliché.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Hot Flatus on 10 April, 2017, 12:58:52 pm
It's quite interesting to eat something blindfolded. Sometimes it's very difficult to know what you are eating, so the relationship between visual and gustatory senses is an interesting one.

I suppose you could just enjoy looking at the food, and not bother too much about eating it.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 10 April, 2017, 01:33:13 pm
It's the "halved and refilled passionfruit" that puzzles me. I just don't see the point of that sort of thing. Why not just have a passionfruit? Or a melon or whatever you have. There's very little if any food that beats ripe fresh fruit. Also, it makes me wonder what they've done with the rest of the fruit.

The one that really riles me is 'soil'. Fucking soil does not belong
Soil? Is this a foodie term for a soil-like texture? It can't be actual earth, surely? Or could it be nightsoil?

Quote
on a fucking dinner plate.
On Saturday's ride we stopped at a pub in Tetbury that was doing cream teas. They served it on a slate. Despite the ponciness of this, I didn't really mind, because the scones were delicious and so was everything else. Besides, I've eaten off banana leaves in India, so why not bits of suitably shaped stone? Compared to a leaf they're flatter and have the advantage of being reusable! And as for the ponciness, it was Tetbury, and it was cream tea in a pub. I bet they did jenga chips too.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 10 April, 2017, 01:34:02 pm
Well, that's the problem, don't call my sauce emulsion. I want emulsion, I'm going to B&Q not Les Petits Testicles. I swear I went somewhere where they offered me a spume. Why not spittle? An expectoration of vibrant asparagus sputum or whatever the fuck that is en Français.

Sea urchins shouldn't be in anything. They're about 90% jizz. I don't care how many vitamins they claim it contains, I am spitting that out. I'm not that kind of date. Spheres are just like eating eyeballs. I'm not eating teeny tiny eyeballs. Raw fish! I mean seriously, I have to travel around with one of those little chef's blowtorches to cook my own food at the table. Everyday is a Mongolian barbeque. Do I get a discount? No. Fucking chefs. Poncy name for a cook if you ask me.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 10 April, 2017, 02:00:44 pm
Soil? Is this a foodie term for a soil-like texture? It can't be actual earth, surely? Or could it be nightsoil?

Yeah, just a highly pretentious way of saying that you're serving a pile of crumbs. I really don't get it. It might have seemed like a good idea to whoever invented it, but it has become yet another crap restaurant cliché.

Well, that's the problem, don't call my sauce emulsion. I want emulsion, I'm going to B&Q not Les Petits Testicles.

But emulsion is a good English word. And I'm all for the anglicisation of menus. Stop calling it hollandaise, call it Dutch sauce.

Quote
I swear I went somewhere where they offered me a spume.

Spume? Dear god. That's unforgivable.

Quote
Raw fish!

Oh yes, I was forgetting you had views on that subject. #lolz
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 10 April, 2017, 02:04:33 pm
They served it on a slate.

Presume you've seen this:
http://wewantplates.com/
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 10 April, 2017, 02:19:04 pm
They served it on a slate.

Presume you've seen this:
http://wewantplates.com/
Yeah, I know about that. And compared to some of the things there (a dog bowl? an ashtray?  ::-) :hand:), a slate is really pretty innocuous. But I also reckon that if what started as a hipster trend has reached Tetbury, it cannot be cool any longer. If it ever was. Mind you, Tetbury, where Horse & Hound and The Field serve the role of Gumtree and Craigslist, also has a – retail outlet – that sells both £xk road bikes and fancy coffees, so it looks like Mamildom's time is nearing its end.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 10 April, 2017, 03:18:17 pm
Don't mock. Raw fish is wrong. Someone has to make a stand.

And we all know the true epitome of culinary satisfaction is the crisp sandwich. Just not prawn cocktail because they're a bit weird.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: rafletcher on 10 April, 2017, 03:27:03 pm
The spherification comment reminded me of my childhood, and popping the little spherical capsules of cod liver oil I was given.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: The French Tandem on 12 April, 2017, 07:18:15 am
This is probably the first time a british restaurant review makes its way through a french newspaper:

http://www.lemonde.fr/big-browser/article/2017/04/11/quand-un-critique-culinaire-du-guardian-se-paye-le-grand-restaurant-du-georges-v_5109712_4832693.html


Quote
Ce n’est pas de la critique culinaire, c’est du divertissement qui va très loin dans l’humour et dans l’outrance. C’est clairement du rich bashing et la revanche des Anglais sur des Français mangeurs de grenouilles. Ce sont des clichés aux dépends d’un grand chef. Tout ça pour faire du buzz et exister médiatiquement. »

"This is not a restaurant review, this is just an overly humorous and outrageous entertainment" . The frenchs are sooo much certain they do the best cooking in the world. Anyone who dares to criticize a french restaurant is necessarily a vile ignorant ;)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jaded on 12 April, 2017, 07:27:02 am
They served it on a slate.

Presume you've seen this:
http://wewantplates.com/
Yeah, I know about that. And compared to some of the things there (a dog bowl? an ashtray?  ::-) :hand:), a slate is really pretty innocuous. But I also reckon that if what started as a hipster trend has reached Tetbury, it cannot be cool any longer. If it ever was. Mind you, Tetbury, where Horse & Hound and The Field serve the role of Gumtree and Craigslist, also has a – retail outlet – that sells both £xk road bikes and fancy coffees, so it looks like Mamildom's time is nearing its end.

Is that the Gumtree at Calcot?

As for slate in Tetbury, that's just outrageous. It should have been a rugged, beautiful piece of Cotswold tile.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 12 April, 2017, 08:57:57 am
Ce n’est pas de la critique culinaire, c’est du divertissement qui va très loin dans l’humour et dans l’outrance. C’est clairement du rich bashing et la revanche des Anglais sur des Français mangeurs de grenouilles. Ce sont des clichés aux dépends d’un grand chef. Tout ça pour faire du buzz et exister médiatiquement. »

"This is not a restaurant review, this is just an overly humorous and outrageous entertainment" . The frenchs are sooo much certain they do the best cooking in the world. Anyone who dares to criticize a french restaurant is necessarily a vile ignorant ;)
[/quote]

Most excellent. Seems that Rayner has hit his target - Le Squer is properly riled.  ;D
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Oscar's dad on 12 April, 2017, 09:19:50 am
Paying serious amounts of money for a meal can be value for money.  If an expensive restaurant is spot on what you get is an experience that features food and drink - its not just a meal. 

When we ate at Le Manoir aux Quat'Saisons I tried to work out what the basic ingredients were of the dishes we had.  With the exception of some posh chicken from France most of the ingredients could be bought in Tesco - but how they made them taste the way they did is nothing short of miraculous - I don't mind paying for that.

Then there's the service.  At the Savoy Grill we sat close to a young couple who clearly didn't know a thing about wine (not that I do but The Current Mrs R has a fair idea) and were obviously finding the wine list somewhat terrifying.  Yet the sommelier took a huge amount of trouble helping them out but not in a condescending way, he really made their evening.  Also that evening there was a large family group of about three generations.  The kids were getting bored and increasingly noisy, rather than chuck them out the maître d' took the whole table off for a tour of the kitchen!

We had lunch at Le Gavroche (their lunch time menu really is value for money) and again the service was epic.  The joint head waiter (a role she shared with her twin sister) apologised for the noise another table was making - it was Tom Kerridge and a bunch of his mates whom she described as "naughty boys" with a grin.

We like food like other people like fine art or race horses.  For us the great thing is that we can save up and go eat top notch grub and more importantly have experiences that we will remember forever.  But no matter how much we save we could never buy a Monet or a Derby winning racehorse. 

Like others up thread we hate it when a supposedly posh and expensive restaurant doesn't deliver.  We complain bitterly and get money knocked off the bill, and then write Tripadvisor reviews which are truthful but don't pull punches.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 12 April, 2017, 10:29:42 am
They served it on a slate.

Presume you've seen this:
http://wewantplates.com/
Yeah, I know about that. And compared to some of the things there (a dog bowl? an ashtray?  ::-) :hand:), a slate is really pretty innocuous. But I also reckon that if what started as a hipster trend has reached Tetbury, it cannot be cool any longer. If it ever was. Mind you, Tetbury, where Horse & Hound and The Field serve the role of Gumtree and Craigslist, also has a – retail outlet – that sells both £xk road bikes and fancy coffees, so it looks like Mamildom's time is nearing its end.

Is that the Gumtree at Calcot?

As for slate in Tetbury, that's just outrageous. It should have been a rugged, beautiful piece of Cotswold tile.
You could donate them part of your old chimney.  ;D
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jaded on 12 April, 2017, 10:33:11 am
Ha! Yes - it could be used in place of 'soil'!
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 12 April, 2017, 10:37:07 am
I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 12 April, 2017, 10:41:20 am
Ha! Yes - it could be used in place of 'soil'!

Reminds me of this. It really did taste like soil.

Quote
Yesterday's lunch of disappointment was skewered and grilled ennui on a deathbed of buckwheat kasha. I should know better. It was like shoveling soil from my own grave into my mouth. There was an arterial splash of vibrant red sauce on the side that promised to taste of something but tasted like precisely titrated nothing. It was all served on a plate at least.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jaded on 12 April, 2017, 10:44:58 am
I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 12 April, 2017, 10:47:36 am
Calling it "kasha" is slightly poncey. It's not like there's no English equivalent; grains or cereal for a start. I suppose you could say the same of baguette though.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Exit Stage Left on 12 April, 2017, 11:03:08 am
I read some of his other reviews. He liked the White Swan in Fence, which isn't far from me. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/22/white-swan-restaurant-review-jay-rayner

Quote
As with Haworth, there may be lots of modern French technique in Parker’s cooking, but there’s also a place for the great local delicacies: his daily changing menus, at £20 for two courses and £25 for three, feature feverish outbreaks of tripe and ham hock, bone marrow and cheese curds, damsons and Yorkshire rhubarb from just over the way. It doesn’t feel ideological. Parker is not trying to make a point. He’s just cooking with the good stuff, and being thrifty. So among the bar snacks are crisped potato skins because he scoops out the insides for his outrageous mash. A little more evolved, but only just, is a dish of tiny plum tomatoes, skinned and bobbing about in a warm sweet-sour broth, heavy with cracked black pepper. Like all the best ideas it’s eminently stealable.

That's more my style, serving Timothy Taylors, and  three courses for £25. The chef came from the brigade at a nearby Michelin starred place in the Ribble Valley. I might give it a go.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 12 April, 2017, 11:25:46 am
Calling it "kasha" is slightly poncey. It's not like there's no English equivalent; grains or cereal for a start. I suppose you could say the same of baguette though.

I think I mentioned that I should have stopped at the point I read kasha. I've never eaten buckwheat (except in pancakes and bread) so who knows, maybe it just tastes like soil. It's not a grain though, that's a big lie. It's not even a grass. It's related to rhubarb and sorrel. But anyway, it was just a pile of dull, loamy stodge with some overcooked chicken on top.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 12 April, 2017, 12:16:17 pm
It might not be botanically a grain but its consistency is grainy. A bit like loam, maybe. I've eaten loads of buckwheat and as a plain grain, it is simply plain. It's good in pierogi (sort of stuffed pasta) and buckwheat flour makes good pancakes.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 12 April, 2017, 12:45:14 pm
You can take the boy out of the botanist but not the botanist out of the boy. Gotta use that BSc (Hons) somewhere.

Anyway, it was still like shoveling dirt from my own grave into my mouth. Not a desirable experienc and why I don't get much opportunity to write restaurant menus. I mean who would go for an 'ennui of distantly expired chicken laid out on a deathbed of buckwheat kasha with a long congealed arterial spurt of harissa to the side.' It probably sounds better in French. Actually, anything I say in French sounds worse. I still pity our French teacher. Sacré dieu! Who chooses to teach French in the East Midlands. That's like hell for a French teacher.

Anyway, this is just a break from my anti-raw fish tirade, because I know Citoyen gets annoyed by my fish schtick.

Tough crowd.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 12 April, 2017, 01:13:42 pm
I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...
The 'not expensive' restaurant was the most expensive, supposedly best place in the city - not in this country. Don't judge. The surprise was the quality of the local wine, I didn't even know Bosnia produced wine. It was the equal of anything I've drunk in France.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 12 April, 2017, 01:16:54 pm
Anyway, this is just a break from my anti-raw fish tirade, because I know Citoyen gets annoyed by my fish schtick.

It's more pity than annoyance.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Pingu on 12 April, 2017, 01:23:17 pm
I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...
The 'not expensive' restaurant was the most expensive, supposedly best place in the city - not in this country. Don't judge. The surprise was the quality of the local wine, I didn't even know Bosnia produced wine. It was the equal of anything I've drunk in France.

Read the first few words of your post again Mr C  ;)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 12 April, 2017, 01:25:08 pm
The surprise was the quality of the local wine, I didn't even know Bosnia produced wine. It was the equal of anything I've drunk in France.

We had the seven-course tasting menu at an upmarket/pretentious restaurant in Prague last year and opted for the suggested wine pairings - a different wine with each course, mostly of Czech origin (one was Hungarian, iirc), and all much better than I was expecting. I've had considerably worse wines in France!

Price-wise, the meal was very expensive by Czech standards but upper end of middling by London standards (although it would probably have cost at least twice as much in London). Not all the dishes were hits, but the best of them were sublime. The meal was also embellished by numerous appetisers and between-course treats, some of which were served on arrangements of rocks, chunks of wood etc.

It was a most excellent meal, worth every penny, and a splendid evening out.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: hellymedic on 12 April, 2017, 01:40:25 pm
I thought buckwheat and kasha were synonyms.
I thought this was like bulgur - earthy-crunchy wholegrain boring filler, that could be flavoured and mixed with anything and everything.
But I'm neither botanist nor true foodie...
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: The French Tandem on 12 April, 2017, 01:49:15 pm
I thought buckwheat and kasha were synonyms.

They were for me too, but for my russian sister-in-law, buckwheat is the plant, while kasha is a sort of porridge made by boiling buckwheat into milk.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 12 April, 2017, 01:52:36 pm
Buckwheat is one of many types of kasha. But looking at French Tandem's post, there's probably a difference in meaning between Russian kasha and Polish kasza. So, buckwheat is one of many types of kasza.

Anyway, I'm going to start a place selling buckwheat sushi. Just for ian. It'll be in Boxpark.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 12 April, 2017, 02:12:29 pm
I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...
The 'not expensive' restaurant was the most expensive, supposedly best place in the city - not in this country. Don't judge. The surprise was the quality of the local wine, I didn't even know Bosnia produced wine. It was the equal of anything I've drunk in France.

Read the first few words of your post again Mr C  ;)
I don't think Jaded was getting upset at my phone auto-completing and inserting 'water' instead of 'waiter' without me knowing. I think he just didn't like the utter bourgeois notion of drinking house wine under recommendation as being a 'quality' decision. Such a low-class thing to be doing. However normally I swig cans of stella or special brew that I've brought in a carrier bag.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 12 April, 2017, 02:21:13 pm
 ???

I reckon I need buckwheat wine in my buckwheat sushi restaurant.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: cameronp on 12 April, 2017, 02:33:24 pm
I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...

Read the first few words of your post again Mr C  ;)
I don't think Jaded was getting upset at my phone auto-completing and inserting 'water' instead of 'waiter' without me knowing. I think he just didn't like the utter bourgeois notion of drinking house wine under recommendation as being a 'quality' decision. Such a low-class thing to be doing. However normally I swig cans of stella or special brew that I've brought in a carrier bag.

I didn't twig until Pingu's post, but I don't think "Jesus" was intended to convey displeasure. More suggesting that's whose presence you must have been in with the "wine water".
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Graeme on 12 April, 2017, 02:40:02 pm
This is probably the first time a british restaurant review makes its way through a french newspaper:

http://www.lemonde.fr/big-browser/article/2017/04/11/quand-un-critique-culinaire-du-guardian-se-paye-le-grand-restaurant-du-georges-v_5109712_4832693.html

My ability to read French is poor - so step up Mr Google translate and help me...

« Le restaurant est décoré avec différents tons de taupe, biscuit et d’allez-vous-faire-foutre », qui « hurle l’argent comme les fans de foot hurlent contre l’arbitre. »
was translated as:
"The restaurant is decorated with different tones of mole, biscuit and go-do-do-cum," which "screams money as football fans yell at the referee."

I think I'll widen my vocabulary by google translating more documents in future.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 12 April, 2017, 02:40:50 pm
Ah - well - maybe he was. A long way from the middle east and it is a muslim quarter of the city so it seems unlikely.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 12 April, 2017, 02:48:44 pm
« allez-vous-faire-foutre »
...
"go-do-do-cum"

That's certainly a creative translation!

Btw, you could refer to the original piece (linked in the OP) for what Jay Rayner actually wrote.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jaded on 12 April, 2017, 02:49:32 pm
What camreronp said  :)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: The French Tandem on 12 April, 2017, 02:50:55 pm

My ability to read French is poor - so step up Mr Google translate and help me...

« Le restaurant est décoré avec différents tons de taupe, biscuit et d’allez-vous-faire-foutre », qui « hurle l’argent comme les fans de foot hurlent contre l’arbitre. »

This quote is actually a dubious translation from the original article:

"It is decorated in various shades of taupe, biscuit and fuck you. There’s a little gilt here and there, to remind us that this is a room designed for people for whom guilt is unfamiliar. It shouts money much as football fans shout at the ref. There’s a stool for the lady’s handbag. Well, of course there is."
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Exit Stage Left on 12 April, 2017, 02:52:38 pm
The phrasing does depend on Gilt and Guilt being homophones, which they aren't for Francophones.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 12 April, 2017, 03:40:19 pm
Anyway, this is just a break from my anti-raw fish tirade, because I know Citoyen gets annoyed by my fish schtick.

It's more pity than annoyance.

They call me the man-who-doesn't-like-fish in Japan. At least I think that's the translation.

I have a fine appreciation of my sublimely low cultural values, but give me a Die Hard box set and my own Nakatomi Tower of smoky bacon crisp sandwiches and I'm the happiest kitty in the litter.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on 12 April, 2017, 07:06:42 pm
I've had a wine water (in a not expensive restaurant) light-heartedly chide me for ordering a bottle of french wine instead of trying the (much cheaper) local house wine; he brought a glass of the house wine over and it was really nice so, yeah, listen to the wine waiter.

Jesus...
The 'not expensive' restaurant was the most expensive, supposedly best place in the city - not in this country. Don't judge. The surprise was the quality of the local wine, I didn't even know Bosnia produced wine. It was the equal of anything I've drunk in France.

Read the first few words of your post again Mr C  ;)
I don't think Jaded was getting upset at my phone auto-completing and inserting 'water' instead of 'waiter' without me knowing. I think he just didn't like the utter bourgeois notion of drinking house wine under recommendation as being a 'quality' decision. Such a low-class thing to be doing. However normally I swig cans of stella or special brew that I've brought in a carrier bag.
I think it was a Biblical miracle reference.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 12 April, 2017, 07:21:37 pm
Buckwheat is one of many types of kasha. But looking at French Tandem's post, there's probably a difference in meaning between Russian kasha and Polish kasza. So, buckwheat is one of many types of kasza.

Anyway, I'm going to start a place selling buckwheat sushi. Just for ian. It'll be in Boxpark.

You know, I had to check it didn't exist already, and it does – it's the 'healthier alternative to sushi rice'. It's not at Boxpark yet, but it's undoubtedly available somewhere in E8.

I'm actually quite keen on trying deep-fried sushi, it'll be a bit like arancini. And yes it exists too. Choose your tempura or panko crumb. A little further investigation unearthed something that is frankly too awesome for any mortal human to comprehend: a deep fried sushi burrito. Google and be awed.

Buckwheat isn't that awful, it was just a lot of bland and the little spludge of spice-less harissa wasn't going to tackle it. I can handle stodge (an essential skill in Africa, I've eaten my body weight in pap/nsima enough times and it's, erm, the ideal accompaniment to spaghetti) but it needs a bit more kick. I like to experiment with a big spoon of the local chilli sauce before lying on a ground and crying uncontrollably until the burning stops about three days later.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Pingu on 12 April, 2017, 07:35:46 pm
...I'm actually quite keen on trying deep-fried sushi...

That must be available up here, shirley?
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 12 April, 2017, 07:45:26 pm
You'd think. My exotic jet-setting lifestyle puts me in Glasgow in a few weeks.

It's probably not available in Shirley though.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Pickled Onion on 12 April, 2017, 08:03:29 pm
Quote from: ian link=topic=102620.msg2156851#msg2156851

A little further investigation unearthed something that is frankly too awesome for any mortal human to comprehend: a deep fried sushi burrito. Google and be awed.




I hope Google responds with "did you mean to search for fishfinger sandwich?"
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 12 April, 2017, 08:38:47 pm
Nope, but I do. Or a crisp sandwich. But I don't have any crisps, not being a snacky household. I do have poppadoms though, so I may have a poppadom and lime pickle sandwich later. Don't mock, they are surprisingly good. Crispy and spicy.

Citoyen got me thinking about the best meal I've had and I think it was in Prague too. Back in the early 2000s, if I recall, and it was a such a splendid evening, one of those meals that lasts all evening, our waiter didn't speak any English, we didn't speak any Czech, so everything involved mutual language lessons, service was slow, but perfectly paced, and the food very good, the wine plentiful, and the bill teeny. Anyway, it just worked. We went back a few times and it was good just not that good. I can't remember the name though, it's on the top of the hill, Malá Strana. If I recall it was one of few private restaurants during the communist era. It'll come to me, I've not been to Prague for years.

Central Europe is good for dining. There's a place out in the country near Novi Sad that's awesome too (don't ask me to spell it). I've never eaten so much food in one (five hour!) sitting.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Mrs Pingu on 12 April, 2017, 09:19:19 pm
Chocolate soil is possibly the worst thing on a dessert plate I've ever had.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Kim on 12 April, 2017, 09:22:25 pm
Chocolate soil is possibly the worst thing on a dessert plate I've ever had.

Your cats really aren't trying.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Mrs Pingu on 12 April, 2017, 09:25:49 pm
Chocolate soil is possibly the worst thing on a dessert plate I've ever had.

Your cats really aren't trying.

<boak>
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jaded on 12 April, 2017, 11:40:07 pm
Central Europe is good for dining. There's a place out in the country near Novi Sad that's awesome too (don't ask me to spell it). I've never eaten so much food in one (five hour!) sitting.

I got taken to some special places in Belgrade. Red meat and pickles seemed to be the staple. A large staple, not used by something you could put in your pocket. Washed down with red wine.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 13 April, 2017, 10:27:25 am
It wasn't light food. Even the veg arrived wallowing in sour cream. I forget how many courses, probably a side effect of the plentiful wine during and rakija between each course.

Everyone in Serbia is about 7 foot tall, even the women. Probably explains why they need to eat so much. I was 7 foot wide by the end of the meal.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Legs on 13 April, 2017, 11:57:41 am
(an essential skill in Africa, I've eaten my body weight in pap/nsima enough times and it's, erm, the ideal accompaniment to spaghetti)
You're doing it wrong - ugali(/pap/nsima/sadza/...) has to be eaten with sukuma wiki.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 13 April, 2017, 12:05:21 pm
Indeed. There might have been that too. I was talking to someone else in the meal queue at a meeting and when I turned around to collect my plate there were not only two DD portions of nsima but a writhing nest of spaghetti on top, and then some red stuff (which wasn't bolognese, but there's two foods in the developing world and they're called red and brown, and red is the spicy form of brown), and then some barbecued chicken. All of it, I think.

I had to hire a forklift to get it all back to my table. I've told the story of the awed child who probably just though I was greedy. I didn't want that much food. On account I'm not very tall and quite skinny people are always giving me extra food as though it will make me grow. At my age, I'm only likely to grow in one direction and it isn't up.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Exit Stage Left on 13 April, 2017, 12:20:56 pm
All high-end restaurants are ripe for satire. L'enclume in Cartmel for example.

Quote
Sample Menu

Beetroot leaf
Fermented cabbage and Ragstone
Smoked cod roe, parsley, flatbread
Truffle dumpling
Oyster cracker
Pork and eel with ham fat
Flaky crab and carrots
Maran egg, stout vinegar, mushroom
Raw scallops, pea with calamint

Aged veal in coal oil, shallot and oxalis

Native lobster with broad beans, and elderflower

Aynsome vegetable infusion, herbs and flowers

Butter poached turbot,courgettes, nasturtium

Goosnargh duck with cherries and smoked beetroot

Raspberry and sweet cicely tart
Blueberry, buttermilk, oats
Sheep’s milk, strawberry and marigold
Anvil
Cornets
Pine cones

Lunch and dinner £130
Lunch wine pairing £49
Dinner wine pairing £80 or £120
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jack Standish on 02 May, 2017, 09:17:52 am
Oh, what is this? A puff piece about an overpriced restaurant in the country famous for its overpriced restaurants?
Well, I've never been to this Le Cinq (https://t.restaurantguru.com/Le-Cinq-Paris), but judging by what I've read, it's just another restaurant where people care more about how glamorous the food looks and whether the furniture is the same color as the walls than they do about getting good food for their money. Seriously, 600 for what, a whole roasted pig and a bucket of vine? I doubt that.
Call me a simpleton, but I seriously can't stand the bourgeois approach to going out and dining. Ever since I've been to places like The Wolseley (https://t.restaurantguru.com/The-Wolseley-London) on Piccadilly, food like rubber and glue, but prices like you're eating gold cooked by a vestal virgin. I can't stand it, and even the fact that it was a date with a lady can't outweigh the irritation. Restaurants should be about eating, not pretending to eat for appearances. But modern expensive restaurants are just that: places where you wouldn't want to eat.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 02 May, 2017, 10:46:18 am
Not to mention that it's far, far easier and cheaper to suborn your partner's fond attentions with a plateful of crispy pancakes.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Ian H on 02 May, 2017, 10:53:52 am
I have had very good and fairly bad food in France, and price is not a good delineator. 

I recall, after PBP 2015, a tiny restaurant  in the rather grubby back streets of Versailles. We ate on the pavement whilst the person who had cooked for us watched the world go by through a window and exchanged pleasantries.  Cheap and excellent.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: The French Tandem on 02 May, 2017, 08:38:08 pm
Restaurants should be about eating, not pretending to eat for appearances.

That's just symptomatic of the world we live in. You could say exactly the same thing about cars that should be about getting from place A to place B, clothes that should be about protecting your body from cold and rain, you see what I mean.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Bledlow on 02 May, 2017, 09:54:46 pm
Don't mock. Raw fish is wrong. Someone has to make a stand.
What about raw crustacean?

This is Ise ebi. They kill it, scoop out the meat, & serve it on the carapace, with seasoning. The head is for decoration. You leave it on the side of the plate, & later in the meal it's brought back to you in the form of a nice tasty hot soup.

I've only eaten it once, but it was in Ise.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: rafletcher on 28 May, 2017, 10:00:27 am
He's done another cracker today  :)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: yana on 02 April, 2018, 01:06:23 pm
£520 for "a Barbie-sized silicone breast implant" Hahaha! That's funny  :)

To me, it's ridiculous to spend huge money on so-called food masterpieces. I've been once or twice to such posh restaurants, and, to tell you the truth, both an incredible amount of money and my time were spent in vain. I'd rather have a meal at a local food shop or a cafe for a reasonable price, for instance, at R&H (https://restaurantguru.com/R-and-H-cafe-gallery-London) that's near my house.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Redlight on 02 April, 2018, 01:24:25 pm
This one:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/mar/11/farm-girl-cafe-chelsea-we-dont-stay-for-dessert-because-we-have-suffered-enough-restaurant-review (https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/mar/11/farm-girl-cafe-chelsea-we-dont-stay-for-dessert-because-we-have-suffered-enough-restaurant-review)

a few weeks ago had me laughing out loud on the tube. 
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: hellymedic on 02 April, 2018, 03:28:09 pm
Bzzt! https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=61324.msg2266162#msg2266162 (https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=61324.msg2266162#msg2266162)

 ;D ;D
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 02 April, 2018, 06:34:58 pm
Possibly the best (and only) description of globe artichoke that you need.

I had, for hipster cred, a jackfruit burrito the other week. People have been raving about such things.

It was awful. I'm not a big meat fan and often go for the veggie option, but it's was just weird chewy, fibrous stuff that was nothing like meat, and possibly something like a triffid's stinger.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 08 April, 2018, 08:00:05 pm
Quote
cannot get over the fact that my £13 sharing starter was even served in its £1.15 Asda original container ffs
https://www.bristol247.com/food-and-drink/news-food-and-drink/bristol-restaurant-serves-customer-cheese-still-asda-packaging/
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: lahoski on 16 April, 2018, 01:42:18 pm
I had, for hipster cred, a jackfruit burrito the other week. People have been raving about such things.

It was awful. I'm not a big meat fan and often go for the veggie option, but it's was just weird chewy, fibrous stuff that was nothing like meat, and possibly something like a triffid's stinger.

I, however, had the MOST AMAZING jackfruit 'wings' on Holy Saturday*. Proper tasty, spicy, bread-crumbed, deep-fried delciousness. Awesome texture (succulent and kinda reminiscent of muscle fibres) and so much better than real wings with their stupid bones and actual flesh.

Maybe it's like seitan. I really like seitan but sometimes it's like eating the soles of your own shoes.

*In Manchester from some lovely people calling themselves 'Wholesome Junkies'. They were so good I had two lots. Which rarely happens.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 05 May, 2018, 07:39:27 pm
Something I've just read (fiction) has made me wonder about restaurant reviews: they always mention "My companion had... " but is there in fact always a companion? Might the companion sometimes be a journalistic device to make the review more interesting?
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: spesh on 05 May, 2018, 07:50:44 pm
Something I've just read (fiction) has made me wonder about restaurant reviews: they always mention "My companion had... " but is there in fact always a companion? Might the companion sometimes be a journalistic device to make the review more interesting?

Bringing one or more companions allows for more dishes off the menu to be sampled by the restaurant critic without leaving most of it on the plate.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 05 May, 2018, 08:51:53 pm
The book I'm reading features a journalist who does restaurant reviews solo but writes them up with a fictional companion, so allowing her to invoke conversation, an aura of potential romance and the sampling of more dishes without seeming a greedy pig!
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 08 May, 2018, 03:17:06 pm
In my experience, it varies depending on which publication you're working for. I worked for one restaurant guide that would reimburse the cost of dinner for two, including a reasonably priced bottle of wine, but they didn't pay a fee for the report. Another one I worked for only paid for a meal for one, not including drinks, but they did pay a small fee for the report, so I would often dine alone when working for them.

In fact, I would often opt for a more expensive bottle of wine on the basis that I didn't mind paying the difference myself since I was getting the meal for 'free' (not really free since it was work), but only if the wine list was interesting enough to be worth exploring beyond the house wines and the meal was likely to be of a quality that deserved a superior accompaniment.

I imagine the big name newspaper columnists like Jay Rayner will get dinner for two paid, including wine, plus a decent fee for the write-up.

Local press write-ups are often subsidised by the establishment being reviewed, and are usually divvied out among the staff as a perk - they don't usually have a named restaurant critic. This is why they are so often so badly written and full of clichés like 'My companion had...'.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: sib on 08 May, 2018, 03:36:56 pm
AA Gill didn't have any old companion but ...the blonde !
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 08 May, 2018, 03:44:02 pm
AA Gill didn't have any old companion but ...the blonde !

By way of a response to that, one of my colleagues used to refer to her companion as The Beard in her reports.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Mr Larrington on 08 May, 2018, 06:59:41 pm
AA Gill didn't have any old companion but ...the blonde !

AKA Nicola Formby, for whom he deserted Amber Rudd :demon:
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 11 May, 2018, 08:12:18 pm
https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/we-just-didnt-like-you-14643770 (https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/we-just-didnt-like-you-14643770)


Wreckfish is lovely, but the owner is not the shy retiring type  :D
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: nicknack on 12 May, 2018, 09:47:33 am
https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/we-just-didnt-like-you-14643770 (https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/we-just-didnt-like-you-14643770)


Wreckfish is lovely, but the owner is not the shy retiring type  :D
I loved his reply to the Daily Hate:
I’d rather dust my own balls in icing sugar & brûlée them with an industrial blow torch than make a video for you.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jakob W on 12 May, 2018, 11:33:20 am
https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/we-just-didnt-like-you-14643770 (https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/we-just-didnt-like-you-14643770)


Wreckfish is lovely, but the owner is not the shy retiring type  :D

Conclusive proof that the whinging customers have no self-awareness whatsoever: they're announcing to the world that they go to a restaurant and order red wine and lemonade  :sick: :sick: :sick:
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 12 May, 2018, 01:15:56 pm
It wouldn’t be so bad if it were a £5 flagon of plonk, but it was a £120 bottle.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jakob W on 12 May, 2018, 08:58:56 pm
Well quite; fruit punch or a glass of sangria are perfectly acceptable drinks, but they're made with cheap booze (which isn't to say that a cheap rough red in itself can't be perfectly pleasant to drink with a meal). But if you're spending silly money on a drink you clearly don't like the taste of, you're just being a showy arse.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 15 May, 2018, 09:07:01 pm
Oh, I reckon it's a serious existential question. Does a restaurant exist in order to serve the food the chef thinks is good or the food the customers think is good? Best not to try answering this or we'll get into "When does food stop being food?" ::-) :hand: :D
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: hellymedic on 15 May, 2018, 10:18:38 pm
A restaurant exists to feed customers in the way they want or expect to be fed.
This will vary with time, taste, location and dietary requirements.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jakob W on 16 May, 2018, 01:45:20 pm
I won't make a teleological argument, but I'd say that in order to continue existing, a restaurant needs to get enough punters through the doors to cover the costs of the business. It sounds like the food and atmosphere are popular enough for the owner not to have to be the shy and retiring type (indeed his personality is possibly part of the appeal). More generally, on the one hand I'd like to think once you've ordered the food/drink, it's yours to do with as you will; no skin off anyone's nose if you want to smother it with ketchup/mix it with coke/&c. On the other hand, when you get to a certain level of cooking, treating the food like that can be taken as a profound sign of disrespect for the chef and/or the ingredients. In either case, if you're asking the restaurant to go and procure something they don't normally stock, you shouldn't be surprised if the answer's 'no.'...
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 16 May, 2018, 02:37:04 pm
I remember a case some years ago when a customer in a Marco Pierre White restaurant went off-menu in requesting a portion of chips.

MPW complied with the request but charged £50 for them, which he said was the going rate for his time, as he did it himself rather than get one of the sous chefs to do it.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 17 May, 2018, 04:33:31 pm
Yes I remember having a laugh at that story  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 15 July, 2018, 08:28:03 am
Its pork pie is a bold expression of pig (https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/15/holborn-dining-room-its-pork-pie-is-a-bold-expression-of-pig-restaurant-review)


Pork pies, Scotch eggs & Paris Brest ..... chef must be an audaxer..... ;)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 15 July, 2018, 12:15:17 pm
And "a belief in the utilitarian qualities of cake liberally applied" suggests Jay Rayner's mum was too!
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: hellymedic on 15 July, 2018, 12:24:14 pm
She was a nurse. Tea, biscuits, sympathy and CAEK comfort and cure beyond conventional medicine.
Trufax.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: pumpkin on 24 September, 2018, 10:14:13 am
Reading Jay rayners (in)famous review of Le Cinq in paris (3***) which is now published in a book. The review was v.damning but well written and the pictures were enlightening. What he got and the official picture were quite different
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jakob W on 24 September, 2018, 10:53:06 am
There was a nice piece by Rayner this weekend in the Graun or Observer talking about the book and the review; he mentioned that was by far the most widely-read restaurant review he'd ever written (millions of views online IIRC), and possibly the most widely-read piece he'd ever written.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: The Family Cyclist on 24 September, 2018, 07:30:19 pm
Back before kids the good lady wife and myself had a good run of local meals for food reviews for local newspaper she was working for.

Mad thing was no one else in her office wanted to even after it was changed to 50 quid including drinks which meant we rarely had to put in much more then the tip out of our own pocket.

Our scores were never allowed to be lower then 7 out of 10 as might hit advertising. One Indian which got a well deserved high rating framed the review and then when my wife went back with a friend they didn't accept cash or cheque and the card machine was temporarily broken.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 14 October, 2018, 12:41:24 pm
Another good one from Mr Rayner today (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2018/oct/14/parsonage-grill-oxford-a-lazy-approach-to-cooking-restaurant-review). I do sort of like the fact that he's generally generous and fair and doesn't just do hit-jobs, but equally – and let's face it – the negative reviews are far more fun.

Lines like this are far more delicious than the food that was evidently on offer:

Quote from: Jay Raynor
On the side is an underpickled pickled quail’s egg that has been for a bath in crimson beetroot juice. It looks like something that should be placed gingerly in a kidney dish with forceps after an intimate extraction.

Having been to the restaurant in question a month or two back, he's perfectly on the ball too. It's the sort of place that feels cynically designed as a posh restaurant-like experience for people who go to restaurants because that's what people like them do. I had the parsley and ham hock soup (honestly, £8 for a small bowl of broth) which tasted a bit like someone had bathed a pig in a swimming pool and scooped out a cup of the water afterwards. The amount of actual ham in the bowl suggested that any pig otherwise involved in its production had likely survived the process with little more than scratches. The chicken wellington which, let's face, sounds like a bad idea would have only been worse if it had come with the word 'Dunlop' embossed on the pastry. I wish I'd thought of 'a nappy smear of diced mushrooms' though.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 11 November, 2018, 11:53:54 am
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2018/nov/11/roski-liverpool-use-any-excuse-to-eat-here-restaurant-review


More food porn from Mr Rayner.   I've not eaten here yet. 
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: vorsprung on 11 November, 2018, 03:54:05 pm
Here's another classic, this time from Grace Dent

Quote
“But you can’t just invent a cuisine,” you may be shouting. “You can’t just bung the dining culture of Japan into a blender with 20 or so other sovereign countries of southern Europe and the Levant, and then invent the name ‘Meppon’ – which, by the way, sounds like a cat trying to self-regulate fur balls.” To which I would reply: sweetie, these people are very rich, and they can do whatever they want.

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2018/nov/02/zela-me-hotel-london-wc2-restaurant-review-grace-dent

Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 17 November, 2018, 03:26:39 pm
Quote
“My friend, you want kebab?” a member of staff wearing a backwards cap that could have been designed by Jackson Pollock shouted to one customer over the skipping sound of reggae.
https://www.bristol247.com/food-and-drink/features-food-and-drink/slix-and-ritas-two-constants-among-a-changing-stokes-croft/
In another context, that might have been quite a feature.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jakob W on 17 November, 2018, 05:47:58 pm
Quote
“My friend, you want kebab?” a member of staff wearing a backwards cap that could have been designed by Jackson Pollock shouted to one customer over the skipping sound of reggae.
https://www.bristol247.com/food-and-drink/features-food-and-drink/slix-and-ritas-two-constants-among-a-changing-stokes-croft/
In another context, that might have been quite a feature.

I quite enjoyed that, but it felt like an intro to an interesting longer piece rather than a stand-alone feature (unless there was a page 2 link I missed hidden among the banner ads?).
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 17 November, 2018, 06:26:31 pm
No page 2, but I've just realized the stupid ambiguity of my post. I meant the "Jackson Pollock" cap could have been a deliberate feature in a restaurant with arty pretensions, as opposed to a grease-splashed cap. But it does look as if I meant the article could have been "quite a feature".  :facepalm:
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 27 November, 2018, 07:16:47 pm
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2018/nov/11/roski-liverpool-use-any-excuse-to-eat-here-restaurant-review (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2018/nov/11/roski-liverpool-use-any-excuse-to-eat-here-restaurant-review)


More food porn from Mr Rayner.   I've not eaten here yet.


1000 bookings in 24 hours after Rayners review ! https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/liverpool-restaurant-took-1000-bookings-15470719

Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: pumpkin on 28 November, 2018, 11:31:06 am
thats the danger. the owner(s)/staff get complacent as business booms and unless some firm management is upheld the slide begins. Its best when the owner pref the Chef is on hand to supervise eg Shaun Hill at The Walnut Tree/Abergavenny.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: rafletcher on 29 November, 2018, 10:32:58 am
This was followed up in the Guardian today, with Jay Rayner saying if the restaurant can’t run perfectly with all tables occupied they shouldn’t put the covers in. To be fair he does warn restaurateurs if he’s doing a good review, as he realises the potential effect.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 24 December, 2018, 09:11:01 pm
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2018/dec/23/cantors-food-store-chorlton-its-all-very-ottolenghi-with-a-mancs-accent-restaurant-review-jay-rayner (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2018/dec/23/cantors-food-store-chorlton-its-all-very-ottolenghi-with-a-mancs-accent-restaurant-review-jay-rayner)


He gave them a good review, but the bailiffs got there first  :(
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: pumpkin on 18 January, 2019, 03:30:42 pm
I was hoping to go there - unlike Imperial treasure in that London which has a review in The Guardian recently
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 03 March, 2019, 03:54:42 pm
Oh dear - I fear for the chefs in this place:
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/mar/03/yeni-london-underwhelming-dishes-and-in-yer-face-pricing (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/mar/03/yeni-london-underwhelming-dishes-and-in-yer-face-pricing)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 04 March, 2019, 01:35:08 pm
Oh dear - I fear for the chefs in this place:
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/mar/03/yeni-london-underwhelming-dishes-and-in-yer-face-pricing (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/mar/03/yeni-london-underwhelming-dishes-and-in-yer-face-pricing)

The pictures look like solid evidence to back up his words. Those stuffed vine leaves are most unappetising.

I clicked through one of the links to another more positive review. This place sounds right up my alley. I want to go there right now:
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/feb/03/monsieur-le-duck-london-its-like-the-first-night-of-your-french-holiday-restaurant-review

Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 07 March, 2019, 11:44:20 am
Oh god, I can't unsee that leaf mulch patty. It looks like something you might step in on a country walk.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 07 March, 2019, 12:43:16 pm
Oh god, I can't unsee that leaf mulch patty. It looks like something you might step in on a country walk.

You have to wonder what they were thinking allowing it out of the kitchen, especially with a photographer present.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 07 March, 2019, 12:59:44 pm
The beef thing doesn't look a lot better. Actually, none of it does. It's all a bit Wetherspoons plating, which would be fine if you were in a Wetherspoons and not paying £17 for two scallops.

All a bit of a shame, I love Turkish food, and I can't say I've ever been served anything that looks that bad, even in the most basic ocakbasi and at price-point somewhere below £5.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 28 April, 2019, 10:34:33 am
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/apr/28/pasta-ripiena-bristol-hilariously-messy-and-brilliantly-done-restaurant-review


Dribble....
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Ham on 26 May, 2019, 10:13:05 am
Enjoyed todays https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/may/26/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-ashburn-sw7

He does manage to remain reasonably - balanced ? -while absolutely trashing the experience.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 28 May, 2019, 06:12:01 pm
It's pretty much the cooking by supply chain I maligned somewhere re my Frankie and Benny's experience which included a similar dismal salad: a deathbed of leaves, half a flabby bacon rasher that had probably been precooked some weeks before (I was born), an avocado that had decomposed into a green slimy mush that might have been the fate of the first attempted teleportation of a frog, covered with a spittle of overly sweet dressing that tasted of chemicals having a fundamental disagreement at the molecular level. I don't believe anyone at any senior level in the conglomerate behind F&B has tasted that salad. The only pleasure to be had from such a meal is for someone gazing at a distant spreadsheet, and even then I suspect they could do it cheaper and better for less money, but it doesn't fit the business model where they don't care that a meal is bad, just that it's uniformly bad.

While he F&B salad wasn't as bad the 'Mexican' chicken experience that I also documented so you don't have to experience, but at least I felt like someone had tried with that one. Unfortunately, a someone who really should have never, ever been let even close to kitchen.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Man in a tree on 29 May, 2019, 10:57:30 am
Enjoyed todays https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/may/26/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-ashburn-sw7

He does manage to remain reasonably - balanced ? -while absolutely trashing the experience.
I enjoyed that one too, all the more because it was requested.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 29 May, 2019, 11:08:45 am
I think maybe his balance is from him taking things apart and explaining what is wrong, and also from apportioning blame and praise to particular positions (he praises the waiting staff) rather than the whole institution. Anyway, fun to read!
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Ham on 29 May, 2019, 11:15:00 am
Just for the hell of it (OK I was bored in a conference call - a normal state of affairs) I clicked through the article to the website. Now, IHG are not my favourite chain after they expired the 30,000 or so of my "loyalty" points (earned mostly in Crowne Plaza since you ask), I now make a conscious effort not to use them. But this takes not just a biscuit but a jammy dodger and two shortbread fingers:

Quote
24 Hour Reservations
0871 942 9094
Calls cost 13p per minute plus your phone company's access charge.

They fucking charge you to make a reservation by phone! Jeez.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 29 May, 2019, 01:26:59 pm
Enjoyed todays https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/may/26/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-ashburn-sw7

He does manage to remain reasonably - balanced ? -while absolutely trashing the experience.
I enjoyed that one too, all the more because it was requested.  :facepalm:

I think that's an exit interview in real life. The sort of thing you do (if you're me) with the final email as you move on to greener and more remunerative pastures.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 29 May, 2019, 02:24:27 pm
Enjoyed todays https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/may/26/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-ashburn-sw7

He does manage to remain reasonably - balanced ? -while absolutely trashing the experience.

"He literally asked for it."

Yup! Great review. A well-deserved and well-argued takedown.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Jakob W on 29 May, 2019, 05:41:15 pm
I do wonder how much of an effect the review will have, mind - the hotel presumably has a fairly captive audience of expense-account customers, and if anything I suppose it will make people aware that there's actually a restaurant ('restaurant') there...
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Man in a tree on 29 May, 2019, 06:42:30 pm
Enjoyed todays https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/may/26/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-ashburn-sw7

He does manage to remain reasonably - balanced ? -while absolutely trashing the experience.
I enjoyed that one too, all the more because it was requested.  :facepalm:

I think that's an exit interview in real life. The sort of thing you do (if you're me) with the final email as you move on to greener and more remunerative pastures.

Devious! That hadn't occurred to me at all  ;D
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: pumpkin on 21 August, 2019, 12:32:07 pm
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/aug/16/parrillan-n1-restaurant-review-grace-dent

Expensive London restaurant where you pay to cook your main dish!!
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 14 November, 2019, 06:51:47 pm
Quote
The only way they have been able to get to that price is, of course, by covering the damn thing in, yes, you guessed it, gold leaf; a precious metal which will only pass through you, and turn your bodily product into something sparkly you might briefly consider hanging on the Christmas tree.
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2019/nov/14/civilisation-on-its-last-legs-25-pound-kitkat-christmas-conspicuous-consumption
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: pumpkin on 22 November, 2019, 11:24:18 am
I won’t be going back to Tapas Revolution, either, not after the churros they served me: sad, tasteless turds of dough, deep-fried in jaded oil and served with a jar of separated cocoa and water masquerading as chocolate dipping sauce.

from the Guardian. Not holding back there.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 19 January, 2020, 10:24:59 am
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/jan/19/mereienda-edinburgh-good-in-parts-restaurant-review (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/jan/19/mereienda-edinburgh-good-in-parts-restaurant-review)


https://twitter.com/jayrayner1/status/1218820933814751234?s=20 (https://twitter.com/jayrayner1/status/1218820933814751234?s=20)


Food Fight! 


Edit: the restaurant has now deleted the tweet in which they suggested Jay might have been "overly refreshed"  :-D


Grace Dent can be a little brutal as well... https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/jan/17/silo-london-e5-restaurant-review-grace-dent (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/jan/17/silo-london-e5-restaurant-review-grace-dent)



Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 19 January, 2020, 06:24:09 pm
Bah to small plates, I say. Meals that start with the debate of how many to have: you want five, you know you're going to need five, but ordering five will result in a dramatic and judgemental intake of breath from the waiter (plus the table is always teeny so they won't fit). So you order three and your stomach growls that you were right. There's also the battle of indecision because your ordering process is now manifestly more complex, you're basically ordering three meals. And the bill, the bill, because each of those decisions inflames the cost and you marvel that you managed to consume £9 in two bites.

Oh, and the wine topping-up thing. I hate that.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: SteveC on 19 January, 2020, 07:08:22 pm
I thought it was fairly mild compared to some of his reviews...
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: hellymedic on 19 January, 2020, 07:17:32 pm
Whitbread's eating houses are pretty meh but their sharing platter starters are good value for money and throw in much more food than acouple of individual starters.
We're having a meal with David's astronomy society at a Harvester. Every starter appears to be crumbed, deep-fried grease. The organiser tells me that they won't serve me soup, even if it's listed on the main menu on their website.
Meh!
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 20 January, 2020, 09:33:35 am
I thought it was fairly mild compared to some of his reviews...

I'm not sure picking a social media fight with the one for more famous (and respected) restaurant critics shows the best judgement.

And he's right about blue food.

As for Harvester, was the started listed as crumbled, deep-fried grease ('delectable morsels of finest British grease, deep-fried in vintage oil')?
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 20 January, 2020, 09:54:12 am
Comparing Jay Rayner's instaphots with the published shots, you can see why they send a professional photographer round to make pix for the papers. And food sounds like it should be so easy to photograph! Maybe they should send the photographer round to take photos of the actual meal while they're eating?
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: hellymedic on 20 January, 2020, 12:27:38 pm
I thought it was fairly mild compared to some of his reviews...
I'm not sure picking a social media fight with the one for more famous (and respected) restaurant critics shows the best judgement.
And he's right about blue food.
As for Harvester, was the started listed as crumbled, deep-fried grease ('delectable morsels of finest British grease, deep-fried in vintage oil')?

The menu writers are nearly as creative but not as witty as your esteemed self, ian.

I see chicken 'goujons' have now become 'tenders'.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 20 January, 2020, 12:45:50 pm
Putting aside the fact that they order these things in frozen from the usual catering suppliers (when really, how difficult is it to slice up a chicken, dip in some beaten egg, and coat with seasoned breadcrumbs), it's the fact they still can't cook them, a process that involves heating oil to the specified temperature and dropping in the frozen whatever for the defined amount of time.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 01 February, 2020, 01:02:45 pm
Well we won't be holding the annual YACF bash here.  https://www.hot-dinners.com/202002019236/Gastroblog/Latest-news/the-square-restaurant-administration     Bailiffs close a place down while they are serving lunch.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: rafletcher on 02 February, 2020, 06:36:54 pm
Today’s is pretty good too

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/feb/02/the-yard-by-robin-gill-london-unappealing-ill-conceived-overpriced-restaurant-review
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 04 February, 2020, 05:15:34 pm
Well we won't be holding the annual YACF bash here.  https://www.hot-dinners.com/202002019236/Gastroblog/Latest-news/the-square-restaurant-administration     Bailiffs close a place down while they are serving lunch.
An annual YACF bash would be a good idea though. Why don't we start in Liverpool?  ;)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 04 February, 2020, 05:42:32 pm
Today’s is pretty good too

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/feb/02/the-yard-by-robin-gill-london-unappealing-ill-conceived-overpriced-restaurant-review
The tarte tatin looks supremely poncy.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 09 February, 2020, 09:58:09 am
“Unlubricated colonoscopy”  :jurek:


https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/feb/09/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-london-seabird-seafood-southwark-hoxton-hotel (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/feb/09/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-london-seabird-seafood-southwark-hoxton-hotel?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: nicknack on 09 February, 2020, 10:14:38 am
“Unlubricated colonoscopy”  :jurek:


https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/feb/09/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-london-seabird-seafood-southwark-hoxton-hotel (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/feb/09/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-london-seabird-seafood-southwark-hoxton-hotel?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other)
Sounds like they deserved it. If a restaurant stank of paraffin I'd have turned round and walked out.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 09 February, 2020, 06:07:19 pm
Heh, I went to Seabird a few weeks back and I swear we had the same hirsute waiter who was too cool to write down the order and, yes, we spent the rest of the meal negotiating the release of the other dishes we'd ordered. All without apology like the fault was somehow ours. It wasn't even a complex order. And come on, get the drinks out before the food, it's surely a restaurant 101. How can you cook food more quickly than you can open a bottle of wine?

The food wasn't that bad, but the usual chefy finickiness that I can't be bothered with these days, I'm the sort of grump who likes plain food cooked well and doesn't give a fuck what it looks like on instagram, but the price was eye-watering and the clientele hipster dystopian. Fortunately, I wasn't paying.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 17 May, 2020, 11:52:32 pm
"Also, many French classics are far less portable than Korean chicken wings. Soupe à l’oignon, complete with a crouton and gruyère lid, in a plastic box, may well arrive looking like a Portaloo on the third day of Glastonbury."


Poetry....  https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/may/17/daydreaming-of-your-first-meal-out-after-lockdown-it-is-going-to-be-french
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 22 August, 2020, 11:40:37 am
https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/we-just-didnt-like-you-14643770 (https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/we-just-didnt-like-you-14643770)


Wreckfish is lovely, but the owner is not the shy retiring type  :D


More reasons to visit Mr Usher's premises.  He's upset the Faragists  :-D


https://twitter.com/search?q=elite%20bistros&src=typeahead_click
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 03 December, 2020, 02:41:46 pm
Not actually a restaurant: https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/dec/03/prosecco-crisps-pigs-in-blankets-pot-noodles-please-make-these-christmas-treats-stop-jay-rayner
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 03 December, 2020, 03:06:19 pm
Not actually a restaurant: https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/dec/03/prosecco-crisps-pigs-in-blankets-pot-noodles-please-make-these-christmas-treats-stop-jay-rayner

He shouldn't have mentioned buck's fizz pork pie - he's giving someone an idea.   ;D
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 03 December, 2020, 03:26:07 pm
Not actually a restaurant: https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/dec/03/prosecco-crisps-pigs-in-blankets-pot-noodles-please-make-these-christmas-treats-stop-jay-rayner

He shouldn't have mentioned buck's fizz pork pie - he's giving someone an idea.   ;D
Every food combination is permissible in the privacy of your own kitchen.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 03 December, 2020, 04:56:04 pm
I mentioned the piece to a colleague. She said she made the mistake of buying Sainsbury’s pigs in blankets tea last year. Yes, *tea*.

As bad as it sounds, going by her review.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Thor on 15 August, 2021, 12:51:01 pm

Jay Rayner is unimpressed by The Polo Lounge at the Dorchester

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2021/aug/15/the-polo-lounge-at-the-dorchester-hotel-dismal-food-at-eye-popping-prices-restaurant-review
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 15 August, 2021, 01:21:28 pm
I showed my son the photo of the salad, without the comments. "It's all cubed" he said. "It looks like Communist food." I agree. It looks like something you'd have got in an upmarket Intourist hotel in Moscow circa 1987 (except it's lacking potato).
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: barakta on 15 August, 2021, 03:47:56 pm
Oh, so true. Romania 1996 had a lot of that!
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 15 August, 2021, 04:42:23 pm
Yes, it's like a deconstructed version of that stuff you used to get in jars from Heinz called "Russian salad".

I once had something that looked vaguely similar in a Georgian restaurant (as in a restaurant in Hackney that served Georgian food, not a restaurant in Georgia), but it was actually rather good. And probably cost a tenth of what Jay Rayner paid for his version.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: cygnet on 20 August, 2021, 12:56:17 pm
I showed my son the photo of the salad, without the comments. "It's all cubed" he said. "It looks like Communist food." I agree. It looks like something you'd have got in an upmarket Intourist hotel in Moscow circa 1987 (except it's lacking potato).

Jay agrees:
Quote
Prime among them is the McCarthy salad, named not after the commie-hunting senator, which would make a certain vindictive sense
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 20 August, 2021, 01:11:29 pm
It did inspire me to make a cubic salad last night (cubed cheese, cucumber, tomatoes, peppers, potatoes and croutons). I suspect it was a lot better than the one Jay had.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 20 August, 2021, 01:40:16 pm
I wonder what Mr Rayner would make of this.....?  https://twitter.com/weekirsty0/status/1428053869968470017?s=20
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 26 August, 2021, 11:15:34 am
I wonder what Mr Rayner would make of this.....?  https://twitter.com/weekirsty0/status/1428053869968470017?s=20

That is WRONG on so many levels.

And WTF is that thing on their dining companion's plate in the background?
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: spesh on 26 August, 2021, 11:29:41 am
And WTF is that thing on their dining companion's plate in the background?

By the looks of it, the head of a fun-sized Cthulhu - who's already nommed on the sanity of the chef, hence the abomination closer to the camera.  ;)
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 26 August, 2021, 11:30:33 am
And WTF is that thing on their dining companion's plate in the background?
Baby squid? Probably not but that's what it kind of looks like to me.

As for the stuff in the Guinness glass, I can't work out what it is but it certainly shouldn't be in that glass and probably just shouldn't be, full stop.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Basil on 26 August, 2021, 11:44:54 am
I bet that Guinness would have something to say if they saw that.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 26 August, 2021, 12:44:32 pm

Jay Rayner is unimpressed by The Polo Lounge at the Dorchester

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2021/aug/15/the-polo-lounge-at-the-dorchester-hotel-dismal-food-at-eye-popping-prices-restaurant-review
That is epic. Thank you for posting that.

A couple of days ago we ate out with the family in a chain hotel restaurant (everywhere else was booked up).

Pure 70s. A buffet that had fish in dill sauce, mushroom stroganoff (along with the obligatory roasts). Went down a treat with the family. Sadly I could only manage one trip to the dessert bar.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 16 September, 2021, 03:25:46 pm
Not a restaurant review, but a self review.
  https://www.theguardian.com/food/2021/sep/16/the-classic-recipe-i-can-never-get-right-jay-rayner?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other    (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2021/sep/16/the-classic-recipe-i-can-never-get-right-jay-rayner?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other)
Read the article.  Then read the comments,  where Jay Rayner's wife trolls him, in his own newspaper column.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 16 September, 2021, 03:51:58 pm
There are currently 667 comments. Quite a lot to wade through in search of one.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: nicknack on 16 September, 2021, 03:56:17 pm
There are currently 667 comments. Quite a lot to wade through in search of one.
If you arrange them in 'recommended' order, it's the second one.
Title: Re: a resturant review I enjoyed
Post by: nuttycyclist on 16 September, 2021, 04:36:17 pm
There are currently 667 comments. Quite a lot to wade through in search of one.
If you arrange them in 'recommended' order, it's the second one.

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Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: hellymedic on 17 October, 2021, 12:11:03 pm
Twitter pointed me to Jay Rayner's latest column…
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2021/oct/17/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-kebab-kid-london-take-away-as-a-cult-nusr-et-steakhouse (https://www.theguardian.com/food/2021/oct/17/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-kebab-kid-london-take-away-as-a-cult-nusr-et-steakhouse)
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: Hot Flatus on 17 October, 2021, 12:31:36 pm
I quite like the fact that this utter chancer is relieving these rich fools of so much money for such poor food.
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: hellymedic on 17 October, 2021, 01:58:55 pm
A fool and his money….

I love the fact that Jay can really *enjoy* unpretentious but tasty food, without hang-ups...
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 18 October, 2021, 06:49:01 pm
As he says:
Quote
In my more benevolent moments, I wonder whether Mr Salt Bae isn’t actually having the last laugh. Unlike the billionaire Sultan of Brunei, owner of the most recent restaurant outrage at the Dorchester, he didn’t start a rich man. He came from a poor working-class family. Now he’s rinsing the rich and stupid. It could almost be inspiring.
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: andrewc on 29 November, 2021, 09:10:09 pm
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/nov/29/it-looks-like-fresh-sewage-we-taste-test-christmas-dinner-flavoured-foods-from-soup-and-crisps-to-sarnies


Not quite a restaurant review,  but I think the author may have his eyes on Mr Rayners crown,   :-D
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 29 November, 2021, 09:33:13 pm
That Costa "mac n cheese" looks exactly like something next door's cat leaves in the garden.
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: spesh on 02 March, 2022, 02:39:56 pm
A long, brutal and very amusing review (complete with pictures to convey the full sanity-nomming horror) of what is apparently the worst Michelin-starred restaurant in the world - Bros, in Lecce, Puglia. I'll just quote the intro to set the mood...

Quote
There is something to be said about a truly disastrous meal, a meal forever indelible in your memory because it’s so uniquely bad, it can only be deemed an achievement. The sort of meal where everyone involved was definitely trying to do something; it’s just not entirely clear what.

I’m not talking about a meal that’s poorly cooked, or a server who might be planning your murder—that sort of thing happens in the fat lump of the bell curve of bad. Instead, I’m talking about the long tail stuff – the sort of meals that make you feel as though the fabric of reality is unraveling. The ones that cause you to reassess the fundamentals of capitalism, and whether or not you’re living in a simulation in which someone failed to properly program this particular restaurant. The ones where you just know somebody’s going to lift a metal dome off a tray and reveal a single blue or red pill.

I’m talking about those meals.

https://everywhereist.com/2021/12/bros-restaurant-lecce-we-eat-at-the-worst-michelin-starred-restaurant-ever/

I recommend also reading the comments... ;D
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 02 March, 2022, 03:44:33 pm
A long, brutal and very amusing review (complete with pictures to convey the full sanity-nomming horror) of what is apparently the worst Michelin-starred restaurant in the world - Bros, in Lecce, Puglia. I'll just quote the intro to set the mood...

Wow. That is incredible.

The citrus foam...  :sick:
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 02 March, 2022, 05:04:16 pm
I thought that was terrifyingly ace. I was on tenterhook for anatomically and physiological precise genitalia later in the meal. Disappointed.

It's not my cup of tea, but it reads like they went to an avant-garde restaurant, ordered the 27-item tasting menu, and then complained they didn't get a main course.
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 02 March, 2022, 05:14:22 pm
The trip advisor comments seem fairly evenly divided between "This isn't a meal!" and "Amazing!"
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: spesh on 02 March, 2022, 05:54:01 pm
I thought that was terrifyingly ace. I was on tenterhook for anatomically and physiological precise genitalia later in the meal. Disappointed.

Well, there was only one way the citrus foam course could have been worse:

"... we realised the dish wasn't a cast of the chef's mouth..."  :demon:
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 04 March, 2022, 05:05:28 pm
I thought that was terrifyingly ace. I was on tenterhook for anatomically and physiological precise genitalia later in the meal. Disappointed.

It's not my cup of tea, but it reads like they went to an avant-garde restaurant, ordered the 27-item tasting menu, and then complained they didn't get a main course.
They said there was no menu, that was the only option for food.
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 04 March, 2022, 05:40:15 pm
Still, if you go to a poncy restaurant, that's what poncy restaurants do. If you want a kebab and chips, go to Mr Kebab not the Fat Duck. I have always imagined that school careers day was a pretty easy one for Mr Kebab.

It seems strainingly written for clicks, I'm not really sure what they expected. It's not the sort of restaurant that you're wandering by and think, oh let's pop in for dinner. One glance at their web page pretty much removes any surprise. You can even buy that mouth (either Floriano or Isabella, you can choose and have your own fun, and no, no, no, culinary use only – €58 each)
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 17 July, 2022, 09:09:15 pm
Jay Rayner branches out into music criticism  ;)
Quote
It was when they started pumping a soft, lilting chill-out cover of Joy Division’s Love Will Tear Us Apart into the dining room that I really began to lose the will to live. We’d already been subjected to spayed versions of Madonna classics. Now the DJ at Il Borro was subjecting us to an ugly, disfigured cover of the Manchester gloomster’s finest. I wasn’t sure which was worse: the dismal music or the seafood pasta with just one langoustine, one shrimp, three clams and three mussels for £46. Actually, I was sure. The music was very bad. The mean pasta was truly dismal.
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2022/jul/17/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-il-borro-london-the-music-was-bad-the-pasta-dismal
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: Sergeant Pluck on 17 July, 2022, 09:59:34 pm
Enjoyed reading that earlier. Not the sort of place I could afford anyway, but imagine finding yourself jammed in somewhere along that table in the photo, surrounded by "open-collared men sit staring at their phones, their faces bathed in a blue glow, or barking at each other about the latest top deals from HSBC Global.” Even the best of food would be no compensation.
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 18 July, 2022, 09:04:25 am
Jay Rayner branches out into music criticism  ;)
Quote
It was when they started pumping a soft, lilting chill-out cover of Joy Division’s Love Will Tear Us Apart into the dining room that I really began to lose the will to live. We’d already been subjected to spayed versions of Madonna classics. Now the DJ at Il Borro was subjecting us to an ugly, disfigured cover of the Manchester gloomster’s finest. I wasn’t sure which was worse: the dismal music or the seafood pasta with just one langoustine, one shrimp, three clams and three mussels for £46. Actually, I was sure. The music was very bad. The mean pasta was truly dismal.
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2022/jul/17/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-il-borro-london-the-music-was-bad-the-pasta-dismal
Well, he IS a musician.

I really enjoyed that review. Not just for the sparky, snarky writing, but for the explicit mentions of (cheaper) places that produce the same food well.
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: ian on 18 July, 2022, 10:01:22 am
Indeed, I had a lovely peposo in actual Tuscany last week. That restaurant sounds grim, the food doesn't even look that great in the photos.
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 18 August, 2022, 01:28:51 pm
Bandwiches.

Quote
It celebrates or, to be more exact, bemoans the grim quality of so much of the food offered to musicians on gigs in UK hospitality settings. Here are numerous shots of terrible, cold mini sausage rolls the colour of yesterday’s porridge. There’s a meagre plate of biscuits alongside some orange juice with a handwritten note saying: “Out of date. Help yourself at your own peril.” There are polystyrene boxes filled with a tiny number of indeterminate deep-fried things. And, of course, lots and lots of terrible, floppy sandwiches made with the pappiest of pappy white bread. It’s all so damn beige. And the portions! So small!

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2022/aug/18/i-play-music-i-get-paid-but-you-should-see-the-bandwiches-gig-economy
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: The Family Cyclist on 28 August, 2022, 07:10:00 am
That Costa "mac n cheese" looks exactly like something next door's cat leaves in the garden.

Just seen this, we regularly get given loads of Costa stuff as about to go out of date from a friend who works there. A lot I end up eating as the kids can't face it and I'll eat pretty much anything. The vegan pretend duck rolls are alright, the pretend bacon less so. The mac n cheese is grim. My youngest lkves mac but none of us can eat this
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: jsabine on 09 September, 2022, 11:17:07 pm
Following on from the House of Tides chat in the Super-Twat thread, it appears that chef-patron Kenny Atkinson has opened another gaff just around the corner. I am really quite tempted to visit Newcastle again.

https://amp.theguardian.com/food/2022/sep/09/solstice-newcastle-upon-tyne-theatre-pacing-exquisite-detail-restaurant-review
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on 02 December, 2022, 01:19:04 pm
Local version:
Quote
In a lifetime first for me, the food at Meat Off had me genuinely questioning whether there was in fact a chef, or indeed anyone, in the kitchen.
https://www.bristol247.com/food-and-drink/restaurants/meat-off-park-street-wanted-to-impale-myself-skewer-restaurant-review/
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: spesh on 02 December, 2022, 01:30:39 pm
Local version:
Quote
In a lifetime first for me, the food at Meat Off had me genuinely questioning whether there was in fact a chef, or indeed anyone, in the kitchen.
https://www.bristol247.com/food-and-drink/restaurants/meat-off-park-street-wanted-to-impale-myself-skewer-restaurant-review/

Those aren't really BBQs in the centre of each table, more like upside-down halogen grills. Never mind the Dettol, the place just looks like it reeks of un-met expectations.
Title: Re: a restaurant review I enjoyed
Post by: citoyen on 02 December, 2022, 09:27:25 pm
Local version:
Quote
In a lifetime first for me, the food at Meat Off had me genuinely questioning whether there was in fact a chef, or indeed anyone, in the kitchen.
https://www.bristol247.com/food-and-drink/restaurants/meat-off-park-street-wanted-to-impale-myself-skewer-restaurant-review/

“Meat Off” is a truly terrible name for a restaurant. That should have been a red flag before they even stepped inside.