The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Mrs Pingu]

I haven't changed the time on the oven because I think you have to turn it off and back on again, which is stupid.

That was a feature of our old oven. Fortunately the new one (well, four years old now) allows you to adjust the time without turning the power off.

I RTFM this morning and there was indeed another way, but it seemed I needed to press the button each time I wanted single minutes, and as it was 0615 and it beeped every time I have not completed this task yet.

[ian]

I thought our oven had done itself, but that was also my wife who had unaccountably learned to set it (seems we had a power cut last week and she had to do it, because the oven doesn't work until the clock is set, and I wasn't home to fix it).

We do have automagic clock under the tv that is supposed to set itself, but rarely does, as it's saying 9.17 pm at the moment. We should bin it, as it often results in chronological chaos, but we feel it introduces a frisson of randomness into our evenings.

[Kim]

because the oven doesn't work until the clock is set

I've just realised that this is deliberate: In the event of the oven being set to switch on on a timer, you don't want it randomly switching on (potentially far too early and starting a fire) because there's been a power cut.

Presumably this is why they do 12-o-clock-flashing rather than the lazy programmer option of starting from 0 (or 1:01 like our microwave does).

[robgul]

Sound bar for TV arrived today (q.v. another thread with a question) . . .  get it out of the box, look at connection instructions  . . .  look for the TV's instruction sheet to check connections . . . said doument bears no relation to the actual ports and connections on the TV . . .  much head scratching . . .  TV leaflet was for the TV that we used to own (same make and very similar model number).   Aaargh!

GN is that the sound bar thing seems to be emitting rather better sound than the TV itself.

[T42]

At least yours works. I've had the relevant cable to connect our TV's audio output to our 5+1-speaker home cinema set-up for the last 5 years, but the cabinet the TV sits on and that the amp sits in  is such a horrible design that every time I think about doing it I find something else to do instead.

Guess who built the cabinet?

[JefO]

Quite by coincidence to the previous two posts, I have a story regarding Audio connections, but for once I exonerated myself from div premier league status.

Bought a pair of bluetooth transmitter/receivers. (£11 each from a smiley river.)

Read the instructions (wtf for?) and found out the units are designed to be individually paired to bluetooth audio devices such as phones, laptop, car etc. (ie not to each other) but I wanted to pair them together to then connect two non blue tooth devices wirelessly.

I charged them up, powered them up and pressed the buttons haphazardly until....  Yep! They paired.

By using an audio extension lead between the 44 year old Hifi headphone socket and the brand new BT6 Tx I can position it near the centre of the property and hear the music in wonderful stereo everywhere in the house, and all the way to the shed!

Now able to play my vinyl upstairs on the hifi, while listening to it properly via headphones and
i) preparing the veg for dinner,
ii) sitting next to 'er indoors as she watches Eastenders, or
iii) doing some between-the-downpours gardening.

Will probably wake up (having just dreamt all of this), to find the div status fully restored.

[Mrs Pingu]

Just fell in the bath/shower and bruised all my ribs (assume I'd be moaning a lot more if they were broken). I'm not even old FFS. 

[T42]

Keep at it, you soon will be.

Sympathies allasame.

[Basil]

Just fell in the bath/shower and bruised all my ribs (assume I'd be moaning a lot more if they were broken). I'm not even old FFS. 

Oh dear.  Bad luck.
I've now reached the age where I no longer 'fall over'.
Seems I now 'have a fall'.

[MattH]

That's one of the ways you know you are old, isn't it? Watching how people react to you falling over.

If they point and laugh, you are young.
If they rush over all concerned, you are old.

[ian]

My wife is still stay there while I get a photo. As I marinate in Sussex’s finest mud.

[L CC]

Just fell in the bath/shower and bruised all my ribs (assume I'd be moaning a lot more if they were broken). I'm not even old FFS. 

Oh dear.  Bad luck.
I've now reached the age where I no longer 'fall over'.
Seems I now 'have a fall'.

Mr Smith's letter from the consultant described him as a 63yr old chap who had a fall.
This may have been more painful than the actual injury.

[pumpkin]

traffic lights in Chester yesterday and I clip in but yet I dont and somehow topple over a la Mrs Doyle (Father Ted) into the road. luckily no traffic about.

[mrcharly-YHT]

Mr Smith's letter from the consultant described him as a 63yr old chap who had a fall.
This may have been more painful than the actual injury.

He has my sympathy.

When a dear young friend was visiting, we were chatting while walking about finances and planning. She dropped this gem into the conversation "You'll only be a couple of years off retiring."

Thank you, dear. I was 55 at that time. Suddenly felt considerably older.

Mr Smith's letter from the consultant described him as a 63yr old chap who had a fall.
This may have been more painful than the actual injury.

[Tim Hall]

To allow for boom length adjustment and long chain management, the Pino has a chain tensioner that is more or less the bottom part of a derailleur - two wheels and a spring loaded plastic cage.

Three weeks ago I cleaned the long chain by removing it and giving it the Sheldon Shake.
Yesterday I was sitting outside a cafe and happened to notice the chain was threaded wrongly, in the classic "wrong side of the tab" way. Three weeks it's been like that. Three weeks.

[Jurek]

I have a roll of 'sticks-like-shit-to-a-blanket' double sided tape at home.
The tape is ~15mm wide and the roll is ~250mm Ø.
It has a jelly-like substrate.
Because of the substrate, the rolls tend to stick to one another.
To prevent this from happening, the rolls have paper between them that looks like tracing/greaseproof paper.
Somewhere between my place of work and my home, this critical piece of paper had gone astray and now, all manner of claggyness was attaching itself to the edges of the tape.
No matter, I thought, I've got a roll of greaseproof paper in the kitchen, I'll deploy that.
I cut out a couple of circles of greaseproof paper, but they wouldn't quite stay in place.
No matter, I thought, I'll use a couple of bits of masking tape to keep the greaseproof paper in place.
Only. Nothing. Will. Adhere. To. Greaseproof. Paper.

[T42]

Just fell in the bath/shower and bruised all my ribs (assume I'd be moaning a lot more if they were broken). I'm not even old FFS. 

Oh dear.  Bad luck.
I've now reached the age where I no longer 'fall over'.
Seems I now 'have a fall'.

Mr Smith's letter from the consultant described him as a 63yr old chap who had a fall.
This may have been more painful than the actual injury.

Christ, I got that at 55 when I crashed and broke my collar-bone. The intern in the Urgences made that sort of judgemental "ugh" sound that means "silly bloody old twat should know better instead of fucking up our Saturday".

[Paul]

Only. Nothing. Will. Adhere. To. Greaseproof. Paper.

Except. Everything. I. Bake.

[Kim]

Only. Nothing. Will. Adhere. To. Greaseproof. Paper.

Except. Everything. I. Bake.

It's the inverse of PVA glue, which sticks to everything except whatever you're trying to glue.

[Mrs Pingu]

T+3 days since the bath incident and it hurts more, not less.
Prolly not helped by the fact I cleaned the bathroom prior to various plumber visitations tomorrow.

[Mr Larrington]

Posting on behalf of rock’n’roll's Martin Turner: said bassman left his passport in Wednesday night’s hotel in Saarbrücken.  This is awkward as tonight’s gig is in Switzerland…  Courier being arranged to bring missing document to border.  Oopsie.

[psd]

Only. Nothing. Will. Adhere. To. Greaseproof. Paper.

Except. Everything. I. Bake.

It's the inverse of PVA glue, which sticks to everything except whatever you're trying to glue.

This is similar to "the strength of any tack weld is inversely proportional to the probability of the piece being welded being in the right place."

[Kim]

I got involved in timing cycle races, in spite of knowing 0% of bugger all about cycle racing, and now I appear to have screwed the pooh (TBAGO).

Appologies to those who are affected.

[The Family Cyclist]

I'm putting myself and the wife in

Me yesterday, one of the guys at work who is technically junior to me but has a lot of experience and knowledge so often goto him for advice. Rang him to ask something and he pointed out I'd rang him about the same Thursday, I'd completely forgotten

The wife. Get home yesterday and she is trying to order Chinese takeaway for our dinner, Chinese restaurant not answering. I Google to check we have correct number and says closed till 5pm Wednesday,  well its gone 5 she replies. I had to point out it had, but was Tuesday.

[Paul]

... I appear to have screwed the pooh (TBAGO).

Um, what?