Yet Another Cycling Forum
Off Topic => The Pub => Topic started by: Cpt Sisko on 24 November, 2017, 12:50:20 pm
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Okay, we've all recieved naff Christmas Jumpers, box sets of Smellies we'll never use or Books we'll never read, but as an timely and amusing thread, let have a few ideas for thing you most definately not want to find under the Christmas Trees.
Obviously this is a cycling forun, but as as long as it's not too far off topics, let's have them.
My starter for ten. http://www.bloondesign.com/springtime/02
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Oh, I don't know - I thought she looked nice.
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No more bicycle themed tat please. Just because it's got a bicycle on it doesn't make it not tat.
A pair of cuff links with little bicycles on. Wtf? A tie clip with a bicycle on. Wtf would I use that for?
Bicycle calendars, bicycle note books, nasty aftershave with a bicycle on the label, etc.
And for dog's sake, no more bloody socks with bicycles on them. I've already got a drawer full.
People get very pleased with themselves with their 'personalised gifts'. I think it just shows that they don't know me at all. They think of me and all they see is 'bicycle'.
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Cut flowers.
I have little available horizontal surface, cannot fill and carry a vase and probably won't be able to walk to wherever the vase has been placed to see and appreciate them.
In less than a fortnight, my friend's generous gesture will have become a stinky mulch of decaying vegetable matter.
I like flowers elsewhere, just NIMBR!1
Yours ungratefully...
1) Not In My Back Room
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No more bicycle themed tat please. Just because it's got a bicycle on it doesn't make it not tat.
[...]
This!
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Fed up with bicycle-themed tat? Dr Hutch feels your pain (http://www.cyclingweekly.com/news/comment/dr-hutch-get-wanted-christmas-course-not-youre-cyclist-305593)
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Fed up with bicycle-themed tat? Dr Hutch feels your pain (http://www.cyclingweekly.com/news/comment/dr-hutch-get-wanted-christmas-course-not-youre-cyclist-305593)
I thought this was quite ingenious
‘bicycle-shaped’ biscuits that were perfectly obviously Mickey Mouse shaped biscuits handed over upside-down by a 10-year-old who was openly laughing at you over this ‘deception’, and who then ate them for you.
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Christmas is fun, but most presents are one I don't want to receive. Except edibles.
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Fed up with bicycle-themed tat? Dr Hutch feels your pain (http://www.cyclingweekly.com/news/comment/dr-hutch-get-wanted-christmas-course-not-youre-cyclist-305593)
(http://www.ductilebiscuit.net/gallery_albums/cycling/2017_11_24_15_08_29.sized.jpg)
Not only does that one demonstrate all the understanding of bike frame engineering of a council line-painter, but it's an ergonomic failure as well.
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Oh my! That should be nominated for some sort of award ....
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Fed up with bicycle-themed tat? Dr Hutch feels your pain (http://www.cyclingweekly.com/news/comment/dr-hutch-get-wanted-christmas-course-not-youre-cyclist-305593)
Gosh. Spot on.
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Clothes. I choose my own clothes.
And live music tickets. Let's be honest, most bands aren't very good live, it's too loud* so I have to wear earplugs in order to hear anything but crackling and ringing, and I have the sort of hearing which doesn't really separate sounds so I will just nod at you all evening because I haven't a clue what you're saying over the din. Just buy me the CD so I can rip it.
*my hearing is relatively undamaged compared to most people's of my age
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Fed up with bicycle-themed tat? Dr Hutch feels your pain (http://www.cyclingweekly.com/news/comment/dr-hutch-get-wanted-christmas-course-not-youre-cyclist-305593)
(http://www.ductilebiscuit.net/gallery_albums/cycling/2017_11_24_15_08_29.sized.jpg)
Not only does that one demonstrate all the understanding of bike frame engineering of a council line-painter, but it's an ergonomic failure as well.
I see you're dressing thematically for black Friday there.
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This, dear readers, is a Pizza Wheel.
It is, however, so flimsy that it would break when faced with even the flimsiest of pizza.
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4567/38620703941_2128a3c9ec_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/21QMcKT)
Pizza wheel (https://flic.kr/p/21QMcKT) by Ron Lowe (https://www.flickr.com/photos/62966413@N04/), on Flickr
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Do we need to relocate to The Gallery for a YACFers looking annoyed with cycling-themed tat thread?
I see you're dressing thematically for black Friday there.
I usually do.
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Yea, probably.
But here's another horror before we do...
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4528/24748672028_8c0d494545_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/DGXpXS)
Tie (https://flic.kr/p/DGXpXS) by Ron Lowe (https://www.flickr.com/photos/62966413@N04/), on Flickr
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This, dear readers, is a Pizza Wheel.
It is, however, so flimsy that it would break when faced with even the flimsiest of pizza.
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4567/38620703941_2128a3c9ec_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/21QMcKT)
Pizza wheel (https://flic.kr/p/21QMcKT) by Ron Lowe (https://www.flickr.com/photos/62966413@N04/), on Flickr
Thread winner!
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I've got one of those too! I can confirm it is as useful as a one-wheeled Chopper with a puncture.
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I am loving this thread. Several of us have now realised that we are not alone.
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Yea, probably.
But here's another horror before we do...
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4528/24748672028_8c0d494545_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/DGXpXS)
Tie (https://flic.kr/p/DGXpXS) by Ron Lowe (https://www.flickr.com/photos/62966413@N04/), on Flickr
Yep, I've got one of those that someone bought for me one year though mine is CTC.
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Fed up with bicycle-themed tat? Dr Hutch feels your pain (http://www.cyclingweekly.com/news/comment/dr-hutch-get-wanted-christmas-course-not-youre-cyclist-305593)
(http://www.ductilebiscuit.net/gallery_albums/cycling/2017_11_24_15_08_29.sized.jpg)
Not only does that one demonstrate all the understanding of bike frame engineering of a council line-painter, but it's an ergonomic failure as well.
I see you're dressing thematically for black Friday there.
Nah, I've seen Kim probably 4 or 5 times and she's always been dressed in black .... black's the new hi-viz for cyclists!
Rob
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Visigoth?
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Christmas is fun, but most presents are one I don't want to receive. Except edibles.
+1,
much as I like Christmas, I can generally buy stuff that I want when I want it, and people buying me other stuff for Christmas generally fails to tick the "stuff that I want" box
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Christmas is fun, but most presents are one I don't want to receive. Except edibles.
+1,
much as I like Christmas, I can generally buy stuff that I want when I want it, and people buying me other stuff for Christmas generally fails to tick the "stuff that I want" box
+1
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I have one of those pizza wheels too, somewhere in the TPoCs.
There's also a nasty led fake candle and a pair of sooper-dooper extra toasty warm (and remarkably ugly) socks. For me, once christened "the human torch" because of my tendency to do things like riding over the moors to Whitby in October, wearing 3/4s and my vest...
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What pisses me off more than cycling tat is supposedly-serious cycling stuff that is just wrong. E.g. the battery-powered flashity-flash hi-viz harness that crawled out from under the tree last year. And the glossy books about cols and TdF riders, about as useful and pleasing as a slide-rule would be for Stephen Hawking.
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Even cycling photobooks are rubbish now, because everyone is built the same and wears a helmet and sunglasses. A few years ago you could see the faces, the hairstyles (Hinault's was too bouffant to be aerodynamic, really) and there was the odd fat Belgian sprinter. The bikes aren't exactly pretty, either.
Here's Chiappucci in better times...he was pretty chunky by modern standards but he's KOTM, he's been out on his own most of the day and he's enjoying himself.
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/51/3f/c8/513fc8a593ecade91958d6bd3d29220f.jpg
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What pisses me off more than cycling tat is supposedly-serious cycling stuff that is just wrong. E.g. the battery-powered flashity-flash hi-viz harness that crawled out from under the tree last year. And the glossy books about cols and TdF riders, about as useful and pleasing as a slide-rule would be for Stephen Hawking.
Ah yes, the well-intentioned safety gimmick. I don't get many presents, so I've been fortunate enough to avoid such things, but all those viral marketing campaigns for cycle indicators and laser-projecting helmets and smart rucksacks that tell drivers your speed or whatever seem to have awesome people-who-know-a-cyclist appeal. I expect that 30 years ago it was those lollipop things...
I suppose being given a present that tells you that they think you're going to die is marginally less offensive than the traditional ones that suggest you smell. And it's still better than getting things related to a sport you have no interest in simply because you ride a bike. Do people who own a pair of trainers get bombarded by athletics books?
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Someone I pass occasionally on my commute has one of these:
(https://www.cyclescheme.co.uk/resize/610x0/files/Blaze-Laserlight_Cycle-Scheme-Hero_640x343-1.jpg)
It is shit.
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Someone I pass occasionally on my commute has one of these:
(https://www.cyclescheme.co.uk/resize/610x0/files/Blaze-Laserlight_Cycle-Scheme-Hero_640x343-1.jpg)
It is shit.
They've installed a load of those on the Boris Bikes of That London. They're useless on the road, but do serve to provide a sort of advanced warning that a BloodyCyclist is weaving their way through a pedestrian area at night. You know, like a proper bike light does.
(I must confess there's a certain novelty in a laser thing I can actually see. I struggle to notice red lasers as they're so dim, so missed out on the first generation of laser bike tat.)
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A sort of DIY bike-lane. "Really, officer, I *am* allowed to ride here - see the markings?"
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I find if I'm riding through London at dark o'clock, I have to make a conscious effort not to interpret those as 'Yep, there's a nice bicycle-appropriate space, and I've just got the green light to occupy it. Prepare to move, shoulder check - oh bollocks, I'm being overtaken1 by a hire bike.'
1: Actually, it's more usually undertaken, but YKWIM
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I think if I had a green picture of a bike bobbing about in front of me I'd look at that the whole time and not look where I'm going.
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No more bicycle themed tat please. Just because it's got a bicycle on it doesn't make it not tat.
I dunno, my bike mug is my favourite and I drink my tea from it every morning (photo (https://www.instagram.com/p/BIuUQn-hpRS/)).
I also have some bike print pants and they're reet comfy.
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I dunno, my bike mug is my favourite and I drink my tea from it every morning (photo (https://www.instagram.com/p/BIuUQn-hpRS/)).
Your bike mug demonstrates an understanding of both bike frame geometry and mug handle ergonomics, thobut.
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FWIW the Park Tools pizza wheel,shaped like a penny farthing, works well.
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Yup, the Park one is not like the cheapies.
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FWIW the Park Tools pizza wheel,shaped like a penny farthing, works well.
Indeed it does. I was given one at Xmas a few years ago and liked it so much I bought a few for other people.
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Your bike mug demonstrates an understanding of both bike frame geometry and mug handle ergonomics, thobut.
Yes to both, in the senses of a "catalogue" photo and non-buggered-about-with mug design. It also holds a decent about of hot refreshing beverage, which is a not-insignificant bonus ;D.
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FWIW the Park Tools pizza wheel,shaped like a penny farthing, works well.
The handlebars snapped off mine :'(
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Yea, probably.
But here's another horror before we do...
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4528/24748672028_8c0d494545_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/DGXpXS)
It's rather ... Scottish, but otherwise not a bad jersey :thumbsup:
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You don't use the handlebars to steer the Park pizza cutter through the pizza!
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We have a no tat policy that is mostly observed. The sort of Chinese-manufactured crap that gives you 10 seconds of vague amusement on Christmas morning, then lies around the house for a couple of months because it has no practical use, and then ends up in landfill.
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We have a no tat policy that is mostly observed. The sort of Chinese-manufactured crap that gives you 10 seconds of vague amusement on Christmas morning, then lies around the house for a couple of months because it has no practical use, and then ends up in landfill.
That is exactly why I refuse to be drawn into secret Santa.
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We have a no tat policy that is mostly observed. The sort of Chinese-manufactured crap that gives you 10 seconds of vague amusement on Christmas morning, then lies around the house for a couple of months because it has no practical use, and then ends up in landfill.
That is exactly why I refuse to be drawn into secret Santa.
Ditto.
My gut feeling told me that my approach was correct to not be drawn into either the Secret Santa at work, nor the one with my family.
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I don't have any choice, everybody in in the secret santa and you are expected to buy cheap, plastic tat with which to entertain your colleagues at the Christmas dinner (which I also can't get out of).
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I don't have any choice, everybody in in the secret santa and you are expected to buy cheap, plastic tat with which to entertain your colleagues at the Christmas dinner (which I also can't get out of).
One of the benefits of being either with clients, or home-based, "sorry I can't make it to the Christmas do this year, but I'm xxxxxistan. Yes, I know I was there last year as well, maybe next year"
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Visigoth?
:D :D :D
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The Park Tools pizza cutter, the Campagnolo corkscrew, the Chris King coffee filter. Yes, very nice. I'd really need to eat more pizza, drink more wine, drink some coffee to appreciate them.
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Shimano should make a boutique teapot, being Japanese and all. It would probably have electronic pouring technology, and wires that got in the way of a tea cosy.
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Excellent! And Sturmey-Archer, being English and all that, should make a chip pan. It would be decorated with union jacks and pictures of cute royals with yappy dogs and there'd be a little label on the bottom saying Made in Taiwan.
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I don't want anything.
Not for my birthday.
Not for Christmas.
Not for being a dad.
I don't want cards; I don't want presents.
I'm quite capable of accummulating my own heaps of crap.
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I've got one of those too! I can confirm it is as useful as a one-wheeled Chopper with a puncture.
I have the "fixie" pizza cutter and it works fine
Obvs. your pizza is too tough
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I've got one of those too! I can confirm it is as useful as a one-wheeled Chopper with a puncture.
I have the "fixie" pizza cutter and it works fine
Obvs. your pizza is too tough
Decent cutting tools clearly haven't made it down to the west country yet. Are you still waiting for flushing toilets too?
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Saw this tweet by Sustrans and was only half disappointed:
Are you still looking for that perfect gift for someone who cycles? Look no further - Our oline shop has loads of perfect gifts for people who ride bikes!
https://www.sustrans.org.uk/christmas-gift-ideas-for-cyclists
It's mostly maps and panniers, which are hard to fault, but they also have the usual assortment of mugs and T-shaped shirts.
But tucked away in the middle, we have this gem: https://www.sustrans.org.uk/mymile/ncn/map
What cycling curmudgeon wouldn't be thrilled to own a fridge magnet declaring their undying love for the local dog toilet / mugging hotspot / quagmire / Silly Sustrans Gate™?
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I don't want anything.
Not for my birthday.
Not for Christmas.
Not for being a dad.
I don't want cards; I don't want presents.
I'm quite capable of accummulating my own heaps of crap.
+1
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I never thought of adding "things I already have" to my no-go list, so now I have three GoPro knock-offs. Still, the latest one is clean.
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I did receive an "evolution into cyclist" mug. It's ok. It holds tea, which is good. A fridge magnet certainly doesn't do anything that useful!
Edit: It was from someone I didn't expect to give me anything, so pretty good really.
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As already shewn in the Gallery, my B-i-L's Leyton Orient gnome:
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4727/24562349067_23ccbb331b_k.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/DqusD2)
Crimble-Cromble, Part 1 (https://flic.kr/p/DqusD2) by Mr Larrington (https://www.flickr.com/photos/mr_larrington/), on Flickr
"He'd probably get a game" quoth my grate frend and diehard O's fan Mr Sheen.
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I think he would! He's actually in possession of the ball.
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Christmas has come early this year!
Mrs barakta's-mum has sent us a 2020 "Bike ART" calendar (https://www.amberlotus.com/bike-art-2020-wall-calendar). Crammed full of stylised drawings of bicycles with distracting technical errors, weeks that start on a Sunday and leftpondian public holidays.
Highlights include:
-Moulton-esque bike with the chainset on the wrong side.
-Chicken onna bike with a backwards saddle and single disembodied crank.
-Technically accurate ISO standard mountain bike (complete with reflectors, disc brakes, dork disk and Presta valve) inna field of tulips in front of a windmill[1].
-City bike with a structural chaincase[2].
-Post bike with cranks that look like nikki OTP made some special modifications, and a rear wheel with an off-centre hub that isn't going to play well with the full mudguard.
Barakta has suggested that we explain this people-not-knowing-what-a-bicycle-looks-like phenomenon to her by analogy to anatomically incorrect skellingtons: Stylisation is fine, but once there's a certain level of realism, you need to not make glaring mistakes.
[1] I've just realised this is a real windmill in USAnia, and not the ironic take on Dutch cycling I assumed. Fine.
[2] Not in the Mike Burrows sense.
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I don't want anything.
Not for my birthday.
Not for Christmas.
Not for being a dad.
I don't want cards; I don't want presents.
I'm quite capable of accummulating my own heaps of crap.
+1
Quite.
It seems there's a whole category of overpriced/useless crap that only get bought as presents. Eg, bits of chain made into "jewellery", "fixe" spanners etc.
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I dunno, my bike mug is my favourite and I drink my tea from it every morning (photo (https://www.instagram.com/p/BIuUQn-hpRS/)).
Your bike mug demonstrates an understanding of both bike frame geometry and mug handle ergonomics, thobut.
My wife has pilfered my useable and not-bad cycling mug.
The bike indicators I was given by my Mum have gone to the drawer of oblivion my office filing cabinet at home. But these have been dealt with. We got a new sofa recently so have managed to finally retire our cycling-themed cushions :facepalm:
Yes, bike related tat appears to be the theme here. No change from that here
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Books about the Tour de France. :sick:
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You sure that that calendar isn't depictions of cycleway markings around the world Kim ;D
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You sure that that calendar isn't depictions of cycleway markings around the world Kim ;D
No, but that should totally be a thing. Paging nikki. Nikki to the brake-grime-stained binaural courtesy phone please...
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Books about the Tour de France. :sick:
Any good books about the tour?
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You sure that that calendar isn't depictions of cycleway markings around the world Kim ;D
No, but that should totally be a thing. Paging nikki. Nikki to the brake-grime-stained binaural courtesy phone please...
One picture per day, per week or per month?
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Books about the Tour de France. :sick:
Any good books about the tour?
Probably Tyler Hamilton's but watching Icarus was enough for me.
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You sure that that calendar isn't depictions of cycleway markings around the world Kim ;D
No, but that should totally be a thing. Paging nikki. Nikki to the brake-grime-stained binaural courtesy phone please...
One picture per day, per week or per month?
Depends on whether she has to actually build them (https://twitter.com/nikkipugh/status/1130527800350433280) or not.
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Funny that this thread should be revived today. I've just this morning been working on a feature on how to do Christmas properly, with a section on gift-giving. The last line of this paragraph seems especially apposite for this thread...
AVOID HOBBIES
If someone has a hobby they really know about, resist the temptation to buy them anything to do with it. Someone who loves watercolouring in their spare time probably already has all the paints, brushes and paper they need (unless they specifically ask you for more). And novelty items linked to someone’s hobby, or job, feel destined for the attic or charity shop.
I don't need Christmas gifts though socks are always welcome, but anyone who knows me should know that my preference is for plain block colours or simple patterns (eg stripes) - never novelty motifs, and especially please no more socks with sodding bicycles on them.
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The presents that have worked best for me to receive are those I can EAT, preferably with minimal packaging.
Belgian chocolates, bought in Belgium, in a relatively TINY box, without padding - YUM!
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Funny that this thread should be revived today. I've just this morning been working on a feature on how to do Christmas properly, with a section on gift-giving. The last line of this paragraph seems especially apposite for this thread...
AVOID HOBBIES
If someone has a hobby they really know about, resist the temptation to buy them anything to do with it. Someone who loves watercolouring in their spare time probably already has all the paints, brushes and paper they need (unless they specifically ask you for more). And novelty items linked to someone’s hobby, or job, feel destined for the attic or charity shop.
The only exception to that rule that I've found is that you can never have too many clamps.
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It wasn't Christmas when I found EXACTLY the right gift for partner's father earlier this year but:
He and D had spent AGES fruitlessly searching fo a tea cosy and none could be found in Christchurch.
I found one online, which perfectly complemented other textiles in his home.
Point is he needed and wanted a tea cosy.
I knew the man and his home well enough to choose the right design.
Ideally you need to get something the recipient needs and wants, which fits with their taste.
D's dad has bought us many things that have not been right: bicycle books, lousy bike accessories, scarves etc... He has said he does not want Christmas gifts and he wants for little. Sometimes there's a niche you can fill.
But this might not occur in either the Christmas or the birthday season.
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"Just because" presents are often (usually?) the best.
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I am rich and choosy enough to buy these for myself most of the time.
I can be very picky about details that can change anything into a FAIL if they are wrong. Many potential donors don't know these details.
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Hmm, that's not what I was thinking of. The act of getting something for someone just because, rather than due to Christmas, birthday, etc, is likely to show more that you're in that person's mind and to be a better gift because it's prompted by its fitness for you, rather than for the occasion. Of course there are still bound to be occasions when it's just offloading some other unwanted item...
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You have a point; my point is few people REALLY seem to be in my mind, which is a shame.
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I have managed to persuade most people not to buy me stuff cos I don't want for much and I don't want pointless tat.
I don't really do gift giving, I'm not very good at it, and definitely don't have the spoons (energy) for shopping for anything beyond my own adult basics.
I do however do "I saw that and know X will like it" gifts. If/when I see them and am confident they'll be genuinely enjoyed.
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Funny that this thread should be revived today. I've just this morning been working on a feature on how to do Christmas properly, with a section on gift-giving. The last line of this paragraph seems especially apposite for this thread...
AVOID HOBBIES
If someone has a hobby they really know about, resist the temptation to buy them anything to do with it. Someone who loves watercolouring in their spare time probably already has all the paints, brushes and paper they need (unless they specifically ask you for more). And novelty items linked to someone’s hobby, or job, feel destined for the attic or charity shop.
The only exception to that rule that I've found is that you can never have too many clamps.
You are Norm Abram AICMFP
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Never heard of him. tappity tappity... American TV. Right. I wonder where he heard it.
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Anything.
I'm not anti-Christmas, or anti-gift. It's simply that I don't want any more stuff other than what I deem essential and which I get myself when I need it. In fact, I have begun giving away stuff so that there is as little as possible left for other people to have to deal with when I die.
Mrs Redlight gets it, and has a similar attitude, although she is partial to jewellery (!) but it's an annual battle with my mother who cannot cope with the idea that I am perfectly content to spend Christmas having a pleasant time with the family without feeling hard done by if I haven't unwrapped something. The same applies to my birthday.
I understand her consternation. She grew up during WW2 and in the following years Christmas was a time when you might be given something that you truly wanted or needed and wouldn't or couldn't buy for yourself. Now we live in a world of affluence and easy availability and it seems that people end up desperately trying to think of things to want in order to satisfy society's expectation that they must receive. The result is the tat that fills the shops and the hideous catalogues that start arriving at the end of August. Consumerism for its own sake.
So, nothing for me, please.
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Every year my wife and I agree to buy no presents. Then she buys some. Little things, she says. Which means I have to find something.
Honestly, we both have everything we want, and if there's something we need, we'll just buy it.
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Every year my wife and I agree to buy no presents. Then she buys some. Little things, she says. Which means I have to find something.
Honestly, we both have everything we want, and if there's something we need, we'll just buy it.
Well, quite! That's why I go for the edible.