Audax "Givens"

[mattc]

"I have a bath once a week and that's it"

 

Ideal chap for The French Ride! (I hope Tuesday wasn't bath day ... )

[mikewigley]

That scrap of paper fluttering across the road a couple of miles back was your brevet card.

That reminds me of the Staffs Peak 100 a couple of years ago, when my Brevet Card (unknown to me at the time) fell out of my back pocket on a descent.  When I couldn't find the card at the next control, I realised what had happened, and where.  I continued the ride, picking up receipts at the controls, as I knew the route would later take me back up the hill where my brevet card had fallen out.

The good news was that I found the card without too much trouble

The bad news was that the grass verge had been mown in the meantime, and I only found half of the brevet card. 

More good news, though, as the organiser accepted my completed brevet card (what there was of it)

[Redlight]

No matter what the distance, you will feel fine until 30km from the finish, at which point your legs will turn to mush and you will discover an irritating ache in your left buttock

[sbseven]

You will feel like crap when your alarm goes off at stupid-o-clock on event day and debate with yourself about 'missing this one' and going back to sleep.

[CommuteTooFar]

The info control is 3 metres high and 6 metres wide, next to the road and facing towards you but you fail to spot it.

[The Mechanic]

It always seems to be a head wind all the way round

[citoyen]

The wind only stops when you're going uphill.

d.

[D0m1n1c Burford]

Likewise, it will inevitably be at the bottom of a steep hill that you realise you took a wrong turn.

Yup, done that several times 

[Charlotte]

The crazy man with the home-brewed lighting system, 1950s cape and the idiosyncratic approach to personal hygiene will always come and sit down next to you at the cafe and tell you in excruciating detail how to make a DIY route sheet holder.

[JJ]

This one for GPS users:
At some point you will arrive at a junction with a group.  They will turn left as one, while your magic box will point you right.  After 10 minutes you will lose your nerve, retrace and follow them.  5 minutes later you will meet them coming back, and muttering darkly about bad route sheets.

Also:
Approaching a SO@X, at dusk, you will see a rider apporoach at speed along the B road that you are about to cross. He will be too far away to hear your shout and will disappear into the gloom.  You will never see him again.

[Mr Larrington]

You have to make a real effort to finish behind Mark Beauchamp.

Yes, I have.  Once.

[hellymedic]

You have to make a real effort to finish behind Mark Beauchamp.

Yes, I have.  Once.

I usually had more success here...

[mattc]

You have to make a real effort to finish behind Mark Beauchamp.

Yes, I have.  Once.

Cambrian 600, 2007?

Did that use the same route as the "Old 375", except for
"3rd Left, B232323, by damp phonebox"

which I think Mr Larrington missed 2 years running,

except in 2007 when he

fell down  rabbit hole

...

[Mr Larrington]

You have to make a real effort to finish behind Mark Beauchamp.

Yes, I have.  Once.

Cambrian 600, 2007?

   Very hurty ankle and brake problems.

[eck]

The info control is 3 metres high and 6 metres wide, next to the road and facing towards you but you fail to spot it.

The converse also applies.
When you organise an event, you will decide to use a big fnck-off notice, that's easy to see and remember without having to stop, as an info control.

You will, however, fail to notice that said notice is on a big fnck-off gate that is closed on a Sunday and is therefore invisible to riders. 

[Martin]

1. you put a closing date and "no entries on the line"

someone will turn up requesting an EOL

2. the next year you get a load of entry forms and route sheets ready at the start to find no EOL's

3. the year after you don't bother with 2 and 3 riders turn up who have lost theirs

[Spikey]

Any ride is always hillier than you remember from previous years!

As a corollory AAA point allocations should have a year-on-year 10% inflation term factored in!

[alexb]

Anything you attempt to fix the night before a ride will suddenly turn out to require a major bike rebuild which will mean you get no sleep at all and are still covered in oil and grease the following morning.
Meanwhile your bike will squeak for 300km...

[arallsopp]

I've only got one Audax under my belt, and its amazing how many of these I can personally corroborate.

[jogler]

^^^^^^
would that be a 1400km long audax

[cyclone]

That I will start too fast and struggle to finish.....

[arallsopp]

^^^^^^
would that be a 1400km long audax

Is that what that was? I thought it was a triathlon. I distinctly remember swimming through the middle section.

[jogler]

Don't TooMuchInfo, I haven't got the book yet.

[Graeme Wyllie]

That theres always some git with a bike that's unfeasably clean, even at the finish.

   

[Von Broad]

I've only got one Audax under my belt

^^^^^^
would that be a 1400km long audax

Blimey, that's an exclusive club if ever there was one.
Can't be many other people in this world whose only offical Audax is a 1400km one