Essex/East London - Badlands!

[Tiger]

Out yesterday with the fine members of CC of Hackney on inaugural ride yesterday, with a number of other recumbents. Your interpid reporter had only expected a gentle 3 scoot round Essex lanes but it was a 100mile monster a-la-audax.  The club was met at the cafe stop by a lovely lady promoting Essex for cycling.

The scenery once in the coutryside was charming, but what to make of the natives of this fair county? They are possessed by the devil I fear. 

Whether ensconced in engorged 4X4 or hanging out of scuzzy white vans many have clearly suffered some sort of degenerative dementia.

The day featured a Navarro 4x4 oncoming on a narrow lane that swerved out as if to ram us, forcing evasine action, a full can of beer hurled from on oncoming white van that only missed by inches, and several sweary 'cunt/wanker' screamers. A local greeting?

I got lost of course and ended up returning to town alone as the sun set. This was a mistake.

My lasting impression is running the Romford gauntlet at dusk. I knew I had stayed ou too late - as the sun goes down from Romford to Hackney emerge roaming gangs of inarticulate inebriates, constantly lurching out into the road like zombies with arms outstretched, grunting and howling.
My day out concuded with me screaming 'Fuck off you little shits' at a hatchback-load of gibbering gibbons on the Balls Pond Road and wishing I had a lump hammer mounted on the bike.

A fine day out.

[Chris S]

A fine day out.

Now I remember why I

a. Don't live in London
b. Don't ride a recumbent

WRT to (b) - I'd always be worried that the natives would throw stuff at me, if I dared to ride a 'bent - in any place, not just London.

I salute your bravery!

[Adam]

as the sun goes down from Romford to Hackney emerge roaming gangs of inarticulate inebriates, constantly lurching out into the road like zombies with arms outstretched, grunting and howling.
My day out concuded with me screaming 'Fuck off you little shits' at a hatchback-load of gibbering gibbons on the Balls Pond Road and wishing I had a lump hammer mounted on the bike.

A fine day out.

A chainsaw or a sword.  You've got to chop their heads off to make sure the undead are really dead.

[Greenbank]

Must be quite a localised phenomenon. I've done Hoddesdon to London Bridge many a time (B176, A1010, A10) after dusk at the end of a DIY200 and the only bad bit is due to the boy racers in Broxbourne/Cheshunt on the B176.

Still, I'm never happier than when I've crossed the river back into civilisation South (West) London.

[Mr Larrington]

Met a few Essex monkeys during the Mildenhall 300 a couple of years ago, but for sheer knobness, a WVM in Cheshire just before last Crimbling-Yule took the biscuit.  There are approximately four cyclists in line astern, crossing the bridge at here when Mr Oncoming WVM decides he is going to cross it too.  He can't see us coming because he has only cleared an area of his windscreen the size of a dinner plate.  Frantic braking ensues.  He swerves across my bows and so nearly ends up in the cut.  Natch it was our fault.

[Julian]

Tiger, do you commute down the Balls Pond Road / St. Pauls Road?  I keep seeing a 'bent along there...

Next time I see it I'll shout a cheery 'hello, Tiger!' just to see if it's you!

[Tiger]

Tiger, do you commute down the Balls Pond Road / St. Pauls Road?  I keep seeing a 'bent along there...

Next time I see it I'll shout a cheery 'hello, Tiger!' just to see if it's you!

No that is not me - I live in West London and voyage infrequently to the east on Sundays when there is a ride going from the Lea Valley. But by all means call him Tiger - it will make a change for him from the usual abuse!

[bobb]

My lasting impression is running the Romford gauntlet at dusk. I knew I had stayed ou too late - as the sun goes down from Romford to Hackney emerge roaming gangs of inarticulate inebriates, constantly lurching out into the road like zombies with arms outstretched, grunting and howling.

Places like Romford et al aren't real Essex. Not real London either. It's just bandit country.

*Is from Essex*

[Wowbagger]

I was very surprised yesterday how many considerate motorists there were on my ride. I received an unprecedented number of cheery waves, courteous gestures and thumbs up, all of them in Essex.

[David Martin]

I was very surprised yesterday how many considerate motorists there were on my ride. I received an unprecedented number of cheery waves, courteous gestures and thumbs up, all of them in Essex.

<pratchett>That's becasue they had already used up their quota and the Chav's guild would have to send the heavies round to sort 'em out if they do unlicensed chavvery</pratchett>

[Tiger]

I was very surprised yesterday how many considerate motorists there were on my ride. I received an unprecedented number of cheery waves, courteous gestures and thumbs up, all of them in Essex.

Easy mistake to make in the rain Wowbagger. Poor visibility.