Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 144172 times)

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #450 on: 14 July, 2016, 09:33:29 am »
Most of my contact with senior managers is by email. There are two types of email I get. The more senior managers send out emails with wide circulation with the synergies and the innovation pipelines etc. and the others I get are almost always requests as to whether I can expedite something or other.

Jaded

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #451 on: 14 July, 2016, 01:17:34 pm »
Where does all this tripe come from?

Is it the US, or MBAs?
It is simpler than it looks.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #452 on: 14 July, 2016, 01:24:40 pm »
Where does all this tripe come from?

Is it the US, or MBAs?

Both, plus a positive interaction between the two.

ian

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #453 on: 14 July, 2016, 07:51:05 pm »
I fear people who put 'MBA' after their name more than I fear cannibal zombie clowns.

Mr Larrington

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #454 on: 14 July, 2016, 08:37:08 pm »
Would I be right in assuming thatnyou are not a fan of zombie cannibal clowns, and not just because they have untidy hair?
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Jaded

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #455 on: 14 July, 2016, 08:52:46 pm »
I was asked by someone from the Business School to consider the Warwick MBA Course. I asked them what it would give me and after a chat they agreed it wasn't going to add much.

This may be why I don't use insane management speak.
It is simpler than it looks.

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #456 on: 14 July, 2016, 09:24:49 pm »
It's the Administration bit of the MBA that puts me off
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

ian

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #457 on: 15 July, 2016, 02:58:09 pm »
Would I be right in assuming thatnyou are not a fan of zombie cannibal clowns, and not just because they have untidy hair?

It's a combination of all things. Clowns are what comes out when you unpeel a demon like a big, feisty prawn. Cannibals have terrible table manners. Zombies are admittedly mostly meh. But in combination, they're utterly terrible party invites. Just don't. Sourcing the nibbles is a nightmare and they're always sick in the fridge.

I can admit that their might be some value in an MBA (though it's doubtful, a friend of mine has one from a major US university and describes it as a series of anecdotes dressed up and presented like it's science, you can get by occasionally saying EBITA - about five business acronyms and enough money to pay the fees should see you through). It the people who feel they have to add it as a suffix, especially when they're treading water in one of the more foetid, flooded subdecks of the mothership. Samantha Clownface-Dolittle, MBA or somesuch. You know them. They follow Warren Buffett's twitter feed and get busier than a busy kangaroo with their down unders while reading CEO Monthly or some shit full of golfing guff adverts and men in suits and women acting just like men in suits.

Some people, I suppose, want to be leaders of men. I'm happy with a squadron of airborne badgers and a weasel called Squelch.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #458 on: 15 July, 2016, 11:52:47 pm »
I can admit that their might be some value in an MBA (though it's doubtful, a friend of mine has one from a major US university and describes it as a series of anecdotes dressed up and presented like it's science, ...
"Case studies . . .  . "
"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #459 on: 20 July, 2016, 05:55:58 pm »
It's the Administration bit of the MBA that puts me off

That and the business part.

Eccentrica Gallumbits

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #460 on: 06 January, 2017, 06:29:39 pm »
Why say cooperation or collaboration is important when you can express a need for "elegant interdigitation"? FFS.
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Jaded

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #461 on: 06 January, 2017, 06:35:21 pm »
Sounds like a hand-holding exercise to me.
It is simpler than it looks.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #462 on: 06 January, 2017, 06:50:46 pm »
We're familiar with "going forward" but yesterday was my first encounter with "going backward":
Quote
if we look at our history going backwards, the small caps were never ...
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

mattc

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #463 on: 06 January, 2017, 07:02:55 pm »
Why say cooperation or collaboration is important when you can express a need for "elegant interdigitation"? FFS.
Does that mean thumb-twiddling?  :-\
Has never ridden RAAM
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Aunt Maud

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #464 on: 07 January, 2017, 07:14:19 am »
After reading this thread, I'm really happy to be unemployed out fishing and not have to deal with this bollocks at all.

Guy

  • Retired
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #465 on: 26 January, 2017, 01:44:11 pm »
Quote
To maintain Force Elements at Readiness in accordance with the Army Readiness Order and the Army Commitments Matrix, and to leverage additional assets as required through the Single SIGINT Battlespace, in order to achieve superiority within the Electromagnetic Spectrum and deliver intelligence through the continuum of a Land Component Commander’s Mission.
:sick:
"The Opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject"  Marcus Aurelius

fuzzy

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #466 on: 26 January, 2017, 01:48:24 pm »
Someone gave a Rupert access to a keyboard :facepalm:

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #467 on: 26 January, 2017, 01:51:59 pm »
"achieve superiority within the electromagnetic spectrum"
 ??? :facepalm: :hand: ::-) :o :D
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

rr

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #468 on: 26 January, 2017, 02:50:24 pm »
We're familiar with "going forward" but yesterday was my first encounter with "going backward":
Quote
if we look at our history going backwards, the small caps were never ...
Billy Bragg, between the wars, 1980s

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #469 on: 26 January, 2017, 03:09:11 pm »
"achieve superiority within the electromagnetic spectrum"
 ??? :facepalm: :hand: ::-) :o :D

That's not management gobbledegook, that's just military/tech-speak for having better radar, communications, and electronic warfare capabilities than one's adversaries.  ;)
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ~ Freidrich Neitzsche

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #470 on: 26 January, 2017, 03:12:16 pm »
Clearly, but how does that not make it military management gobbledegook?
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

IanN

  • Voon
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #471 on: 26 January, 2017, 06:36:18 pm »
I read it as having a better microwave for heating cold soup, or maybe more brightly coloured hats.


Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #472 on: 26 January, 2017, 07:11:36 pm »
I think it means they have the best DJs.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Ben T

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #473 on: 03 March, 2017, 09:56:50 am »
why when we have a conference call does it have to be "jumped" on?
"can we jump on a conference call?"
"can you jump on with me?"

Kim

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #474 on: 03 March, 2017, 01:13:32 pm »
Because otherwise it might get away, obviously.