G Imlach: | O hai! TV's G Imlach here, purveyor of les drôleries 2 Le Roi C Prudhomme I. Alpe de Huey V Nibbles disgraceful! C Boardmen: comment! |
NC Boardman: | O hai! All part of teh sport ect ect! |
EC Boardman: | O hai! Ridiculous! Need MOAR polis, tear gas, water cannons and Coldplay piped over a PA system until teh drunks pass out. I haz a missive from a Mr T42, ov Norn Iron via France, suggesting electricity too. Oh yes! |
G Imlach: | Harsh but fair, Evil C! T $ky who iz numbawan G Thomas C Froome? |
G Thomas: | I am not a number! I am a Welsh man! |
Omnes: | That duz not reach teh minimum standard stipulated by ur contract, G Thomas! U will not be paid 4 it! |
NC Boardman: | G Thomas still spikim domestique! |
EC Boardman: | Teh point iz moot. G Thomas will fall off hiz biek and abandon teh race neway. He always does! |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai clouds o hai $ky team car! Look, see, C Froome's spare biek iz on pole! C Froome iz there4 nambawan! |
Wales: | Piss off, Pinocchio*! |
D Martin: | Onli 1 cracked vertebra, V Nibbles? U gr8 ponce! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | O hai! Super D, ur thorts on teh sprint0rz? Or rather teh lack. Ov them. |
SD Millar: | O hai! Iz very very silly. Teh Eh-Ess-Oh need 2 rethink teh tiem limits! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Break! TD Gendt racing beast & tactical ratatouille iz off teh front! |
SD Millar: | Teh sprint0rz' teams will stop them because I, TV's Super D Millar, sa so! |
TD Gendt: | LOL @ SD Millar! |
T Scully: | All lies lead 2 teh truth! |
Omnes: | What did he just say? |
N Boulting: | Tiem 4 M Smith in hiz Shedz! |
| [Grams: WHOOOOSH!1!] |
M Smith: | O hai 2da I haz teh Posh & Bex ov cycling D Rowe & M Rowe! |
D Rowe & M Rowe: | |
M Smith: | Hahahahahahaha! [Improvising desperately] Welsh corner! Wales! Leeks! Yackyda! Lloyd George knew mi father! Aberystwyth mon amour! |
D Rowe & M Rowe: | Can we talk about teh cycling plz? 4 sure? |
| [...] |
D Rowe: | ...and then I b0rked 10 ribs & punctured a lung! Which was niec! |
M Rowe: | ...and mi bruv haz a lb & a 1/2 ov steel in hiz leg! Which is niec! |
ML Maire: | Do u 2 mind? I'm having mi lunch! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaack!1! Well, me & NC Boardman. Super D, fragile little hothouse flower that he b, iz having a snooze... |
| [FX: bottle being uncorked] |
N Boulting: | ...or sumthing! Rivers flow downhill**! |
NC Boardman: | Yes. Yes, they do**! |
N Boulting: | Rocks! |
NC Boardman: | Limestone! Tectonic plates moshing together**! |
N Boulting: | Igneous! Not. |
NC Boardman: | Caves! |
N Boulting: | Caves! |
NC Boardman: | Stalagmites! Stalactites! Mexico Yorkshire! |
N Boulting: | Rocks! They're gr8**! |
NC Boardman: | Yeah! We love 'em**! |
N Boulting: | Shall we talk about teh race 4 a bit? |
NC Boardman: | If we must, ***, if we must! |
N Boulting: | J Alaphilippe, gone teh full spotty! |
NC Boardman: | Chancer's day**! |
N Boulting: | TD Gendt sprint sprint sprintEEEE! |
NC Boardman: | 10 or 11 pedal strokes pays 4 dinner LOL**! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | ...women's cycling? |
NC Boardman: | [Four or five minutes of well thought-out and eloquently presented Stuffs] |
Bethany [8]: | This Unit hereby endorses this product, service or sentiment! |
Omnes: | Bravo! NC Boardman 4 PM or @ least capo ov teh You-See-Eye! |
N Farage: | Gagh! I bet he's 1 ov those Remoaners! |
Omnes: | Betta a Remoaner than a cnt Fisherman's Fraud, Garbage! |
| [...] |
Stuart & Jasmine (via Twitter): | ...we were banging saucepans on teh women's Tour in N Wales did u hear us D Rowe? |
M Smith: | Saucepan bach hahahahahahahahaha#! |
D Rowe: | |
| [...] |
Bethany [8]: | o hai skools out 4 summa! ill blo it 2 peeces after teh tour wots hapnin? |
N Boulting: | TD Gendt & 3 stooges off teh front, pelican closing 'em down, expect sprint finish onli wif no sprint0rz! |
Bethany [8]: | ta *** i may not kill u to DETH after all! [Aside] Well, not yet! |
N Boulting: | TD Gendt sprinting 4 spottypoints wot's that all about? |
SD Millar: | That iz wot TD Gendts do. U mite as well ask CP Sagan y he chases every snottypoint! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! T Scully has pwned teh spottypoint! |
SD Millar: | |
T Scully: | I'm afraid that God *** iz speaking & no1 iz listening! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | ...3 o'clock in teh afternoon is 2 late or 2 early 4 everything u want 2 do! Funny, hein? JP Sartre sed that! |
SD Millar: | Was he Jacques Brel's lead guitarist? |
N Boulting: | No. No, Super D, he was not! |
TJV Garderen: | Teh long dark teatiem ov teh soul... |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Sunflowers & teh pelican! TD Gendt, teh anti-PT Voeckler! |
SD Millar: | Hahahahahahaha! [Aside] Garçon! MOAR absinthe! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Heat! Hamlet! Humidity! Helichopters! [Aside] FFS, Super D, help me!!1! |
SD Millar: | [Snoring] |
Omnes: | Super D iz in hiz hammock! Dreaming ov wankhats! |
| [...] |
SD Millar: | A Demare A Kristoff CP Sagan! Onli decent sprint0rz left. Rest ov them 2nd-rate! |
J Degenkolb & S Colbrelli: | We heard that! |
N Arndt & EH Boson: | So did we! |
N Boulting: | T Scully! Up & down teh divisions liek Tranmere Rovers! |
SD Millar: | Reboot reboot reboot reboot! |
Bethany [8]: | hit 'im wif ur shoe, ***, he's stuck! |
| [...] |
A Schär: | Where iz every1? |
Omnes: | Schär heart attack! Ba-dum tish! |
Bethany [8]: | That was a Rubbish! |
| [...] |
A Schär: | U haz cort me in ur mitey beek, pelican, liek a Treen on a disabled spacehopper! |
SD Millar: | T FDJ? |
N Boulting: | T Cofidis? |
Omnes: | Roffle! Q: what goes 2 teh Tour ov France every year & iz never used? |
P Gilbert: | Right, watch this! Oh! Bugger! |
CP Sagan: | \o/ 2da a piss ov gold 4 us**! |
V Putin: | I haz video, da! A hahahahahahahahaha! |
D TЯump: | Fake nooz! Sad, terrible & bigly! |
Omnes: | Smeg off, tangerine-hued walrus ov fckery! |
N Boulting: | ...and no crashes! |
EC Boardman: | |