Peeing in public

[Charlotte]

I use cubicles because otherwise your trousers stink after a couple of weeks, what with the splashback. 

Although perfectly logical, this disturbs me, Roger.  How often do you launder your trousering?

[LEE]

what's this spitting into the urinal thing?

Did I miss a "How to be a chavvy bloke" lecture ?

[Jezza]

In Cambodia the toilet attendant will often attempt to give you a neck and shoulder massage to help relax you while you stand at the urinal, which can be disconcerting for first-time visitors.  

[Greenbank]

I miss peeing cigarette butts up and down urinals.

Commonly referred to as "Piss hockey" when played with the bleach blocks in urinals.

[Wendy]

In Cambodia the toilet attendant will often attempt to give you a neck and shoulder massage to help relax you while you stand at the urinal, which can be disconcerting for first-time visitors.  

This had me laughing out loud!!!


Rogerzilla, probably washes as often as any other Englishman?

[Jacomus]

I've never had a problem peeing in public, urinals are fine etc.

At a festival I went to a couple of years ago, there was a seriously comedic line of those plastic urinals... that the women had to queue around to get to their portaloos. The netting they put up to give the blokes some privacy was about as much use as chicken wire.

The number of highly distressed looking blokes, just standing there trying to pee as this continuous line of girls queued just a couple of feet away was hilarious, especially as you kept getting girls realise they could see through, creating storms of giggling and small penis jokes.

One of my friends gets stage fright so badly that if anyone is talking in the bogs he can't pee, even if he is in a cubical.

[geraldc]

If you're a big fan of al fresco peeing, I can heartily recommend the London Marathon. It's a chance to pee wherever you want in London, and with so many people doing it, there's no need to be shy.

At the start at Blackheath, there are rows and rows of portaloos, with people queuing up to use them. Round the back there are queues of people queuing to pee on the back of the portaloos.

Even the women will just drop and squat almost anywhere, between parked cars, behind trees etc.

The year I ran the marathon, there were people peeing on the walls of the church there, until someone came out and shouted at them.

[iakobski]

A mate of mine always used to use the cubicles to pee when we were out for a pint.

But he did, in fact, have a tiny willy.

[rafletcher]

Is there a syndrome for always wanting to pee when I'm out in the garden? Is it something to do with pseudo alpha male mammals and marking territory?

I hope you're doing it in your compost bin!

Indeed I do.  Never had a problem using urinals fortunately, although the "can't pee after holding it in for ages" phenomenon a la Wow is a common enough one.

As to London loos, the one time I did find it disconcerting was in a Conran restaurant (thouh I'm sure it was far from unique) when the attendant offered me soap to wash my hands and a towel to dry them Thankfully he didn't offer to shake the drips off (from my willy I mean) and I left feeling that the poor lad ahd a (no pun intended) shit job.

[Jacomus]

I hate having the 'freshen up' guys in loos in nightclubs.

"Freshan aap, bruv!"
"No Amani, no punani"
"No splash, no gash"

 

[Charlotte]

The ladies' loos are no better, I assure you.  As far as I'm concerned, the presence of a "bathroom valet" is a good indicator that I shouldn't return to a particular venue.

I can see why bar and club managers employ them (to warn security about violence and drug taking) but any premises where this is likely to be a problem is not one that I want to voluntarily attend.

Having some gum-chewing harpy insist on squirting poundshop soap on my hands and passing me a towel is bad enough, but then being pressured into dropping a quid for the privilege of a squirt of some godawful, poisonous shite is quite beyond the pale.

And what's all this with offering me a lollipop?  I don't want to suck a lollipop that's been hanging about in the bogs all night 

Get out of my face, you foul Toilet Monkey or I shall be forced to go Tweedy on yo' ass 

[clarion]

I prefer to sit down in a cubicle because:

What?  You sit down in a cubicle for a piss? 

Jesus... you need help....get on Jeremy Kyle naaaaaAAH!

 

Ok, I've sorted it for you Clarion.... you're booked into Jeremy Kyle at the end of march

Hold on a minute!  I know Butterfly grazed her face when she got knocked off, but she doesn't look like that!

[JohnP]

It's in the eye of the beholder - but I've never met Butterfly so I'll take your word.

[hellymedic]

I've not had a problem peeing except when I had kidneystones.

*winces at memory*

But I prefer to sit down in a cubicle because:

a) I've spent a lot of time sharing houses with women

b) It's hard to read the paper standing up

What?  You sit down in a cubicle for a piss? 

Jesus... you need help....get on Jeremy Kyle naaaaaAAH!

 

This is a common practice, for example in Germany. Tchibo were selling reminders to sit, in Britain, not long ago.

Men with prostate problems may also find it easier if they sit.

[Zipperhead]

In bus stations I use the urinals, however, because a bit of splashback is preferable to having poo smeared all over the walls or a wanking tramp in the next trap.

Surely it's the ideal place for a wanking tramp*, much better than out in the park.

* I want one to go in the rear window of the car now.

[scottlington]

Whole-heartedly agree with the earlier post about toilet etiquette!

I sometimes get 'stagefright'... not sure why and doesn't happen very often, but bloody annoying when it does. Definately the most memorable occassion occured towards to the end of a drunken night out at university. I came back to my house, drunk and absolutely busting, only to find our only toilet (in the bathroom) occupied. After around 5 minutes of repeated bashing on the door, said door opens. I am met by the sight of my housemate, stark bollock naked, covered in soap suds, and clearly aroused...

Behind him, in the bath, was a young lady - equally naked and covered in soaps suds. (unsure about the nature of her arousal - not so easy to tell with yer girl in that situation, but she was slightly flushed if that helps).

My mate ushers me in and tells me to be quick, so in I go. I don't know if it was the fact my mate was now standing behind me tapping his foot and obviously not pleased or the sight of this (good looking) girl gyrating around in the bath, clearly not abashed, but could I wee?? Could I hell.

The walk of shame was deafining - so was, ironically, the sound of the bathroom door closing after I left...

[bikenerd]

Charlie Brooker did a very funny programme sending up female oriented lifestyle TV shows like "Look good naked" (or whatever it's called - I call it Granny Baps) but for male protagonists with a "problem".  He chose those suffering from "shy cock".  (The inability to pee in public, not erectile dysfunction).
The programme culminated with Konnie Huq encouraging a line of men in a field to pee!

[Regulator]

I read somewhere that not being able to pee in front of other men was a strong indictor of homosexuality. 

That can't be right as I have no problem about getting my willy out in front of other men...     

[Hot Flatus]

Modus tollendo tollens, dear boy 

[onb]

Pissing in public isnt a problem for me but the number of times I used to get caught short is ,Tamulosin is my friend.

[her_welshness]

Sorry to slight swerve off tangent (lol), but on some cycle rides, you are cycling around the corner and suddenly you are presented with the sight of one of your fellow male cyclists peeing up against the thinnest tree that they can possibly find. It really annoys me. Just find a more secluded spot - I don't want to see your flow thank you very much!

Also some of them do this about 5 minutes after our pub/lunch stop. You should have jolly well gone before we left! 

[geraldc]

You should keep your eyes on the road! I remember being taught that you always steer into what you're looking at. On a corner you should be looking at your exit point, not some bloke weeing behind a tree! 

[her_welshness]

  The guy in question (not naming names) was wearing bright pink and was peeing on the thinnest tree in Kent, plus there were no other trees around (rare for Kent I know) so you could not help but see him. 

[JohnP]

The guy in question (not naming names) was wearing bright pink and was peeing on the thinnest tree in Kent, plus there were no other trees around (rare for Kent I know) so you could not help but see him. 

Just find a more secluded spot

At least he tried for a tree. Only tree around and nowhere more secluded.

But I agree with you.

Better than in France where they just stop and pee against a car/lorry wheel - supposed to be the wheel away from the passing traffic. Doesn't help pedestrians.

Only in France have I seen couples share a SuperLoo to save a few groats.

[Sir Tifiable]

So, who feels the need to close the bathroom door when peeing at home?

Or is it acceptable to leave it open at all times?