Denying youself of something without good reason leads to resentment and is unsustainable. Any change you make can only be affective long term if it is part of a change in the pattern of your life.
Yeah.
I find myself at war with the whole thing. And have been for some time now.
Giving up smoking was fine. After 20 yrs of heavy Ducados indulgence [sigh....marvelous smoke] I knew the party was over and had to pack up. Hitting 40 and starting to hear the lungs and chest begin to wease was the obvious realisation that I needed to get out now or I was trouble. Struggling to get up stairs at 60 was not where Iwanted to be heading. That was 7 yrs ago. Yr 1 was taken up obsessing about it all day. Yr 2 less so. And then gradually, it faded. Mercifully. Job done.
That left me just booze. Booze, especially beer, and most specifically darkish real ale around the 4% - 4.5%. I adore it. But like all these things, there's always a price for taking too much enjoyment.
Problem is, I have no off button. So, when in the mood, particularly after a dirty,dusty, grubby day/ week at work the taste of a quality beer is just the signal my body has been waiting for to go into the 'ON' mode. The release of beautiful beer. And stay there. Those first few mouthfuls, how they rush round the veins, hitting the brain and take a person to temporary peace and tranquility. A shift to a different place. And I never like to stop until I've had enough. Then It's too late, and the consumption has gone beyond anything considered to be just social and into the 'realm of beer' for it's own sake. But when I'm in the mood, it's a place I love to go to. And quite frankly, I don't care. [Inner demons not yet tamed?]. And yet, heavens sake, people have nurtured this stuff for centuries, and it deserves to be treasured.
But then I go cycling and feel the effects and resent my indulgence. But the self-reproach is never that strong to keep me away from doing the same thing again. Fact is, I'm just not into cycling with a full-on dedication that others exhibit. I'd like to, or like the idea of being so, but at the end of the day, the desire never seems to be that strong. So I have to try and balance the two out. Not too much beer before a big ride [200k+], but then the discipline gets relaxed subsequently.
I'm sure teethgrinder is right - concentrate on cycling, and the rest falls into place. Feel better, sleep better, concentrate better etc. But for me personally, I'm not interested in doing that much cycling, not at the expense of everything else. My commitment to it is not that profound. I probably don't consider myself a cyclist, but somebody that rides a bike[?]. Sounds contradictory, but I see a distinction. It's not a way of life, not a religion almost. I enjoy it, at lot, but it will never become my main interest
[although others closer to me, might beg to differ!]. Although ironically, last year, it was my
only interest! It had to be, to get to Paris. Since then, I've felt a big sense of deflation and have had to ease back to allow things to settle down to see where the dust settles.
When it comes to booze, cutting down is just not an option for me. It's too stressful. Like smoking, the only way to deal with it, is to cut it out completely. In some ways I find that easier, but that involves a change of life, and would put challenges on the friendships I have. Not that those friendships are 'booze friendships' exclusively, but it's alarming how much the bar seems to come into things, and dynamics are affected when you change your behaviour like that.
Dunno. At the moment neither is winning. The inner torment continues
