G Imlach: | O hai & welcome 2 another da ov high jinks and mirthful LOLsumness in teh green fields ov France Denmark wif me, teh 1 (one), teh onli, teh roffliest, TV's G Imlach! We dint xpekt Y Lampaert 2 pwn teh shinyjumper yesterda but, er, he did! |
Bethany (12): | Gud! Gotta b a gud fing iffen it stops *** from bangin' on about how fukn grate MVD Poel iz! Sorry, Syrah! I kno 'e's famlee innit! |
5's Mummy: | That is perfectly alright, Bethany dear. After all, I don't know him that well. And he can't exactly stop mid-race to tell those fellows from the television to moderate their language! |
Omnes: | Troo, dat… |
G Imlach: | So in spiet ov tiem-trails bein' borin'… |
NC Boardman: | No they ent! |
G Imlach: | Are! |
NC Boardman: | Are not! |
G Imlach: | Are & 0 returns! |
Omnes: | Get! On! With! It! |
G Imlach: | …teh prolog woz aktuli kwite xitin' 4 a tiem-trail! |
Bethany (12): | Yeah, coz WV Aert & MVD Poel dint pwn it LOL! Tho sumwun nede 2 haz a word wif G Thomas about teh Stuffs he sed about Mrs G Thomas. B4 I do. |
G Thomas: | I'm not saing mi mother-in-law… er, I'll come in agane, shall I? |
G Imlach: | So teh staeg 2da is bi teh c. Wind! |
NC Boardman: | Wind! |
TP Kennaugh: | I'm from teh Isle ov Man, wot iz bi definishn bi teh c! We haz wind also. We calls it… TEH WIND!!!2! |
EC Boardman: | Ahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! Wind! Bring it! |
G Imlach: | An' jus' b4 teh finish iz teh Storebæltsforbindelsen… |
Omnes: | Teh WOT??3? |
G Imlach: | Teh Storebæltsforbindelsen, wot iz teh bridgey-fing connectin' Zeeland & Fyn & cross 18 km ov open c, ware it iz windi! Wind. |
C Lion: | Nevvah mind teh sili ole wind! Bridgey gudness FTW! |
NC Boardman: | X-hedwind. Finkin' about teh wind iz worser'n teh wind itself! |
G Imlach: | Iffen they's still 2getha, mite F Jakobsen pwn teh sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE? |
TP Kennaugh: | Yes. No. Maybe. I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
G Imlach: | Also teh snottyjumper! WV Aert sez he's afta it this yere! |
TP Kennaugh: | Crazy P Sagan iz in gud 4m 2! |
ML Maire: | O RLY? Last yere TV's Super D Millar spent three (3) wekes tellin' us how shit CP Sagan had becomed! |
TP Kennaugh: | I, er, um… |
G Imlach: | And on that note, let's go 2 teh raec! |
C Prudhomme: | [Waves fleg] OK, u grubby urchins, entatane us! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | And alredi we haz 4 (four) hoapless stooges off ov teh front, viz. SE Bystrøm, C Barthe, MC Nielsen & P Rolland, teh French Frenchman wif teh French naem! Y not visit Roskilde on ur holibobs next yere? Se Vikingeskibsmuseet, katedralen med sine interessante spidse tårne, fjorden og G Thomas kæmper med en lynlås! |
ML Maire: | This Unit endorses teh Vikingeskibsmuseet. Iz ded gud. Especially iffen iz windy outsied, wich it iz. |
| |
| Vikingeskibsmobil købt på Vikingeskibsmuseet i Roskilde by Mr Larrington, on Flickr |
Roskildes Borgmester: | Tak skal du have, ***! Bankoverførslen forfalder til enhver tid! |
N Boulting: | Ent Denmark brilliant! |
SD Millar: | Yes. Yes, it iz! Iz niec 2 haz proppa crowds an' t'ing! Afta 2 yeres ov plague & shit! |
N Boulting: | Mite P Rolland, teh French Frenchman wif teh French naem, pwn teh spottyjumper 2da? |
SD Millar: | No. No, he will not. Becoz MC Nielsen will. |
ML Maire: | I nede 2 maek a keybord shortcut 4 P Rolland, teh French Frenchman wif teh French naem… |
N Boulting: | We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, J Philipsen! |
J Philipsen: | O hai! |
D Friebe: | Ur plan? Put MVD Poel in2 teh shinyjumper? |
J Philipsen: | 4 sure. But thare iz a long wa 2 go & ne thing c'n hapn! |
D Friebe: | Sumtiems I h8 this job! |
| […] |
ML Maire: | O look! I maed a wossname 4 P Rolland, teh French Frenchman wif teh French naem last yere |
SD Millar: | Look, see! A foopball pitch wif a pikcha ov CA Sørensen. On it. Killed utterly 2 DETH by a WVM @ teh Wurrrrlds last yere! |
N Boulting: | Ah, Belgium, man! Iz a conspiraci! |
J Birbsong: | [Gurns @ camera] O hai! |
Bethany (12): | Njoi it wile it lasts, J Birbsong roffle! |
EC Boardman: | Hahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Oh yes! |
SD Millar: | [Horble medical stuffs about F Jakobsen's horble crash in Pole-land, wot woz horble] |
N Boulting: | Woz orl teh folt ov D Groaningwagon… |
D Groaningwagon: | Not orl mi folt, u roters! |
N Boulting: | Teh pelican iz gettin' twitchy! Look, see! Teh domestiques ov teh big temes r goin' 2 teh front! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | TEFE Post's new culla skeme! Er… |
SD Millar: | & biodegradable botles! |
N Boulting: | Torkin' ov things wot go moldy in next 2 no tiem, here 4 ur edumatanement iz Encyclopædia Rendellica. I's off 4 a hart-starter! M Rendell c'n pronounce teh naems ov teh spottyclimes betta'n me ne way! |
M Rendell: | O hai! Je bim M Rendell offa el Televizija, og mi blong sieg heil! Wouldn't ov chose them cullas miself but 2 think ov all teh marvellous waze thare using plastics nowadays… |
Omnes: | Obliglehrer! U doan get that on DingoVision! |
| […] |
M Rendell: | Kattegat! |
M Kitteh [via KittehNet]: | I beg ur pardon? Also, miaow! |
M Rendell: | Back in ur cradboard box, M Kitteh! Ur not wanted on voyage! |
M Kitteh: | Bah! |
Omnes: | Camels! |
TP Kennaugh: | R u on ["fruit" – Ed.]? |
| [Caption: Le Zoo d'Odsherred] |
TP Kennaugh: | I, er, um, teh rodes here remind me ov teh Ardennes! |
Omnes: | Now u sound liek ur on ["fruit" – Ed.], u Manx divvi! |
MC Nielsen: | \o/ Spottypwn! 1 (one) MOAR & I c'n get out ov this horble TEFE Post jumper! |
Omnes: | Birb! Birb! Ware's *** when u nede 'im? |
M Rendell: | Woz a spectidiot dressed az a flamingo! |
| […] |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap C Barthe & P Rolland, teh French Frenchman wif teh French naem haz bin dropped bi MC Nielsen & SE Bystrøm! |
TP Kennaugh: | V. sensibubble! SE Bystrøm iz a Nogweegie. *** haz a ded funneh stori about Nogweegies! |
Omnes: | Iffen we cud just stop u thare, u chirpy Manx idiot! |
MC Nielsen: | \o/ Spottypwn encore! Iz a mezha ov how teh TEFE Post jumper iz that teh spottyjumper iz a nimproovment! |
M Rendell: | MC Nielsen! He's from Bornholm! They use Swedish anbarism! They tork funneh! |
Omnes: | They tork funneh? LOL &, moreover, roffle! |
M Rendell: | [Hurriedly changing teh subj.] Look, see! S Kruiswijk & hiz shouldas! |
Omnes: | O RLY? |
M Rendell: | YA RLY! We sent ect. |
Not D Friebe: | O hai, F Jakobsen! Sprint Sprint SPRINTEEE 2da? |
F Jakobsen: | 4 sure! We will c! |
Not D Friebe: | I resign! |
TP Kennaugh: | Bit disappointed about teh wind 2da! Boo! Munny bak plz! |
MC Nielsen: | \o/ Spottypwn! Yay! Go me! |
M Rendell: | MOAR 4th cat spottyclimes 2moro 2! |
TP Kennaugh: | He cud kepe teh spottyjumper in2 teh second weke ov teh raec! |
Omnes: | Even tho thare's Teh Ironing Board Ov Teh Priti Grilz b4 then? |
TP Kennaugh: | Heeeeeellllp! Saev me, M Rendell! |
M Rendell: | Coriolis effect! Oshuns! Oh my! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | I's bak! Did u miss me? |
Omnes: | About az much az teh lockdowns, ***! |
N Boulting: | I h8 u all! Unliek Denmark! Wot iz brilliant! U went 4 a swim this mornin', no, Tiny P? Wot woz teh water liek? |
TP Kennaugh: | Very liek teh water off ov teh Isle ov Man, wot iz ware I iz from! |
Omnes: | Wet, u mene? |
TP Kennaugh: | I, also, h8 u all! |
N Boulting: | TB&BH KTM! Wot r they 4? |
M Rendell: | Dunno! |
TP Kennaugh: | Nor me… P Rolland, teh French Frenchman wif teh French naem, iz ova teh hill & B Coquard ent even on teh raec! |
M Rendell: | Mi skal på pubben! Viszlát világ! |
TP Kennaugh: | Wot did he just sa? I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
| […] |
ML Maire: | Teh Pixies' Ware Iz Mi Mind over teh Noom shitvert? U sellout, B Francis! |
CK Thompson IV: | Ker-CHIIINNNGGG! |
N Boulting: | F Sénéchal! He's teh rode-raec champion ov France! Not mani nashnul rode-raec champignons on teh Tour ov France this yere! N Politt. RJV Rensburg. & not M Cavendish. Boooo! Belgium! S Cummings! |
TP Kennaugh: | Eh? He ent ridin'! Iz he? |
N Boulting: | D/S 4 T Ineo$ innit! |
TP Kennaugh: | Oh. Er. Yeah! |
SD Brailsford: | e's gotta fookin' start sum-fookin'-ware! |
N Boulting: | Did I menshn that Denmark iz brilliant? Also, Wind! Will teh pelican get splat on teh Store, er, bridge? |
SD Millar: | No. |
NC Boardman: | Yes, but sloli. |
EC Boardman: | Oh, I do hoap so! |
TP Kennaugh: | Yes. I'm off now b4 they get thare & proov me rong! |
| […] |
Omnes: | Birbs, ***! Big wite birbs! |
N Boulting: | Iz field art maed ov glidas, clots! MC Nielsen goin' bonkas @ hoam! U doned sumfink liek that, Super D, no? |
SD Millar: | Yes. Yes, I did. In Kent, in 2007. Woz teh Aces! I pwned teh spottyjumper! |
Omnes: | Iz that 1 inna bag in Taipei 2, Super D? |
SD Millar: | I h8 u all! |
N Boulting: | C'n I just sa "O hai" 2 R Porte! O hai, R Porte! |
SD Millar: | H8s him 2, we duz. Kickt mi bum @ teh Giro ov Italy in 2008. Git! |
N Boulting: | Teh clime on2 teh Storebridgeyfing! Mite it do 4 D Groaningwagon? |
SD Millar: | No. |
TP Fairy: | O hai! On whom shall I besto mi fava 4 teh 1st tiem this yere? O hai, N Politt! |
N Politt: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | Soon iz come teh snottysprint Sprint SPRINTEEE! In Kalundborg… |
ML Maire: | Oooh, I bin thare! I got a visit from TP Fairy on teh campsiet. It woz ranin' 2. H8s it… |
N Boulting: | Teh temes ov teh sprint0rz uppin' teh paec! Gap 2 lead0rz iz tumblin'! |
MC Nielsen: | U c'n haz teh snottypoints, SE Bystrøm! It ent liek u gonna pwn teh jumper LOL! |
SE Bystrøm: | Ta! |
C Ewan: | \o/ Best ov teh rest, eh! |
WV Aert: | U git, C Ewan! Ent liek ur gonna be chasin' snottypoints in teh mntns! |
CP Sagan: | I's watchin' u, WV Aert! |
ML Maire: | Kalundborg look a lot betta onna niec sunni da than it duz when ur wrestlin' a heavy trailer in teh rane… |
| […] |
ML Maire: | Yay! Velomobile! |
N Boulting: | How 2 get on teh distascope: park ur speedboat @ teh rodesied, put ur doggo in a shinyjumper in teh boat & wate! |
Teh Shinydoggo: | Wøøf, wøøf! Såusåges! |
JR Dane: | Worked tho, dint it! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap MC Nielsen hav bin dropt! Wowsa! |
SD Millar: | Gud luck stayin' awa on ur own ova teh bridgeyfing in2 teh hedwind, m8! |
MC Nielsen: | O hai, pelican! Wot took u so long roffle? |
N Boulting: | Look, see, Nogweegie fanz! Waving Nogweegie flegs! Dressed hed 2 toeses in Nogweegie cullas! Did I tell u mi… |
SD Millar: | Le sigh! Yes, ***. Yes, u did. |
N Boulting: | Arse! Look, see! MVD Poel @ teh bak ov teh pelican! |
SD Millar: | Sum peops liek that! Teh Yates bruvs, R Hesjedal, S Cummings, D Martin… |
5's Mummy: | Enjoy your retirement, D Martin! I certainly believe you have earned it! |
D Martin: | fankoomissis, er, Syrah! |
C Lion: | Bridge! w00t! |
N Boulting: | They ent thare yet, y'kno! |
C Lion: | Doan caer! |
| […] |
SD Millar: | Wind! But iz in teh rong direkshun 2 splat teh pelican. They nede 2 wurri about teh sili chutes insted, liek last yere! |
N Boulting: | G Thomas. P Roglič. C Froome. Opi. Omi. Ect. Look, see! TP Fairy haz it in 4 TB Hansgrohe! She hav assault attacked A Vlasov, teh sneeki fukn not-Russian! |
N Politt: | I wate 4 u, A Vlasov, sneeki fukn not-Russian tho u be! |
A Vlasov: | Not bi stoppin' altogetha, u tit! Now I haz 2 wate 4 u! |
Omnes: | MOAR shitverts, FFS? Oooh, TV's S Perry onna Triumph Bonneville! [Haz moment…] |
Bethany (12): | U disgust me! |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap, we done had a chute! |
SD Millar: | No wrecks & nobody drownded thobut. Just ushul erli Tour idiots. |
K Neilands: | U callin' me a nidiot, Super D? |
SD Millar: | [Hurriedly changing teh subj.] Fite! Fite! D Gaudu pushin' & shovin' R Guerreiro! |
N Boulting: | Ooooh! Iffen teh commissaires c that thare'll b trub! |
EC Boardman: | Hahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Oh yes! |
Omnes: | Iffen L Rowe & T Martin got chuckt off ov teh raec 4 thare handbags insident… Oh, wait, D Gaudu iz French thobut! |
C Prudhomme: | Ouai. Et votre point? |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap SE Bystrøm haz bin nommed bi teh mitey beek ov teh pelican! |
SD Millar: | Presha! Tension! Wind! Niec shiny boat! |
Omnes: | Oooh, a unicron! We thort it woz BRITAIN wot woz ment 2 haz unicronz |
N Boulting: | TJ Visma on teh R ov teh rode, T Ineo$ on teh L? Y they do that? |
SD Millar: | Thare's onli 2 sieds 2 teh rode, dolt! |
N Boulting: | Yebbu… chute! Bethany's Da… R Urán's chane haz come off ov hiz biek! |
Bethany (12): | Sa teh word "Snek" & I will kill each & evry 1 (one) ov u. 2 DETH! |
SD Millar: | Sumwun off ov T DSM also! Collabone? No, seems not. Phew! |
N Boulting: | Two (2) TEFE Post rid0rz involved! |
SD Millar: | Yebbut it ent liek Bethany's Da… R Urán iz a fret on Gee-See! |
Bethany (12): | I heard that, Super D! Leev ur lite on when u go 2 bed tonite! |
N Boulting: | Bridg… chute! Big chute! Y Lampaert! A Turgis! |
Y Lampaert: | Piss! |
SD Millar: | M Mørkøv invlvd 2! Bad 4 F Jakobsen lede-out! |
ML Maire: | Ne 1 else think teh otha TEFE Post bloke in that chute was about 2 chuck hiz hat in teh c? |
N Boulting: | Y Lampaert iz bak in teh safeti ov teh pelican's fethery bod. Wate, he just took a botle off ov teh neutral servis car! |
SD Millar: | Iz he aloud 2 do that inside teh finle 20 km? |
N Boulting: | |
Bethany (12): | Iz! Mi! Da…! R! Urán! Bak! In! Teh! Pelican! Yet? |
N Boulting: | I plede teh 5th, coz I dunt wanna b murdid in mi bed! |
Omnes: | That'd be a "No", then… |
SD Millar: | Altho TEFE Post haz 1/2 teh teme bak 4 Bethany's Da… R Urán hiz Gee-See ambishns r doomed! |
Bethany (12): | Thare iz still a long wa 2 go & ne thing c'n hapn! 4 sure! |
Omnes: | Birbs! Fahsands ov 'em! ***? |
N Boulting: | I will tork about CP Sagan until teh birbs r out ov shot! Look, see! S Bissegger hav dropt bak 2 help Bethany's Da… R Urán bak 2 teh pelican's fethery arse! |
SD Millar: | & they hav doned teh biz! Hurrah! |
Bethany (12): | OK, Super D. I'll let u off. This tiem… |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh TQSA Vinyl leadout trane iz bak 2getha! Y Lampaert M Mørkøv… |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma movin' up 2! Chute! B Jungels felled off ov hiz biek orl on hiz… |
N Boulting: | Chute! BIG chute! Mani rid0rz down! Yoicks! |
SD Millar: | Insied 3 (three) km, thobut, so they'll b saef! |
N Boulting: | Very reduced pelican! |
SD Millar: | Finle km! |
F Jakobsen: | \o/ |
WV Aert: | Piss! Still, wif teh bonerfications I can haz teh shinyjumper! |
TP Fairy: | C me assault attack both T Pogačar's weelz 4 teh LULZ! |
M Cavendish [via PubNet]: | That shoulda bin me |
| […] |
G Imlach: | Well, that wuz MOAR phun 'n a munkeh inna bukkit ov custard! |
Omnes: | Ent A Greipel retierd? |
A Greipel [via ApePost]: | I h8 u all! |
NC Boardman: | Wind orlwaze maek a diffrunce! |
EC Boardman: | Hahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Oh yes! X-winds tomoz, plz! |
G Imlach: | Wot ov D Gaudu bein' a tit? |
NC Boardman: | I rekn he'll b in trub! |
TP Kennaugh: | Naaah! |
G Imlach: | OTOH, he iz Fren…[NO CARRIER] |