Adam Boyle over there ^^^^ AMD A8 3.1GHz, 16GB RAM, 500GB SSD, 1TB HDD, NVIDIA GT730. And he's lying about that Excel file been locked by another user.
Bruiser McHuge in the Estate Office Intel Core i7 4390 4Ghz, 32GB RAM, 2x500GB SSD, 120GB SSD, 2TB HDD, NVIDIA GTX1080. Slight overkill on the disk front but they were lying around so it'd have been Wrong not to.
Slow Dempsey the laptop-ette AMD A4, 4GB RAM, 500GB SSD. Actually quite spritely if you disable Windows Update.
Spencer The Halfwit: old eeePC with an Intel Atom, hasn't been switched on for two years so has probably succumbed to droid rot.