The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)

[Clare]

Kia ora and Ngā mihi.

[HTFB]

Wotcher.

"Hi" as the opening for business emails is completely standard and what I'd expect from a colleague. "Dear" for externals. No introduction, just the name, for formal instructions / wiggings from senior people, or the most formal reports upwards.

My internal Dear Sir/Yours Faithfully equivalent would be "Hi Facilities team", etc, for corporate joint inboxes. I don't know what others do, but this one is tricky.

The academics I know tend to sign off with "Best", tout court, which is efficient if silly. "Kind regards" annoy me quite irrationally. If the email is asking for something, you get many thanks (never in advance! ugh!). Otherwise best regards or regards sound businesslike. Or, internally, nothing at all. Best wishes are only for special cases, generally if I hope you will go away now, go right away, and never trouble my inbox again.

I have the honour to remain, dear Sirs and Mesdames, your obd't servant to command,

HTFB

[Mr Larrington]

What’s wrong with “O hai” and “Kthxbai”, eh?

[rogerzilla]

For people I know well, I sometimes use "Hey", which I picked up from a much-missed South African colleague.

[Flite]

Hate the USAnian Hi,

Beaten to it. I can rarely bring myself to start an e-mail with "Hi"
I'm retired, so most of my e-mails are to friends or committee members.
I start those with Morning xxx, Afternoon xxx.
For groups, I quote Dixon of Dock Green "Morning All".

For more formal stuff, I use Good Morning, Good Afternoon etc...

I mostly sign off with Best Wishes, or for formal stuff I revert to pre email Yours Sincerely type sign off.
A friend tends to quote Churchill and sign off KBO.

[Jaded]

x

j

(unless it is to the Inland Revenue, of course)

[Beardy]

For us mere mortals I don’t think it makes any difference how we address the inland revenue. The outcome will remain the same regardless.

[Kim]

"Hi" is my default opening for email.  It's not a letter, and 'Dear' would come across as overly intimate or sarcastic.  'HELO' or 'ohai' would make sense, but most recipients wouldn't get the joke. 

I tend to sign off with "Thanks" or "Thanks in advance", where a sign-off is warranted.

While we're here, can I grumble about "I hope this email finds you well", which seems to have proliferated alongside SARS-CoV-2.  Like the Brummie "A'roight?" this isn't actually an enquiry about your health, but does seem to correlate strongly with myselfing and advicing.

[fimm]

Can I return to some level of rant with my manager who will start emails to a group of people with Folk's aaarrrgggghhhh (he really wants to say Gents but has realised that I'm on the circulation list and am not a Gent....)

[Jurek]

Can I return to some level of rant with my manager who will start emails to a group of people with Folk's aaarrrgggghhhh (he really wants to say Gents but has realised that I'm on the circulation list and am not a Gent....)

Does he include the apostrophe?

[fimm]

Can I return to some level of rant with my manager who will start emails to a group of people with Folk's aaarrrgggghhhh (he really wants to say Gents but has realised that I'm on the circulation list and am not a Gent....)

Does he include the apostrophe?

In Folk's? Yes.

[barakta]

Forcing a disciplinary over intro/ending of an email is the most HR thing I have ever heard! How ridiculous. At worst that's worthy of a quiet checkin, not a fucking disciplinary. I hope HR person got a smack for being such a fuckwit.

I do also use "many thanks" to signoff emails, esp if I am asking people something.

I use Dear Forename for the first email to both staff and students (being polite hurts no one) and then I switch to Hi. If nothing else, modelling somerhing students can copy, better to be too-polite than to be too-rude. I have occasional students who are very formal with Dear Title Surname which is very sweet (usually International students).

For a group I tend to use "Dear All" cos "folks" sounds folksy and while I personally don't mind non-gender specific guys, I know many women hate it and several of my colleagues and indeed some students are nonbinary so use they/them pronouns so gendered anythings are best avoided. Our managers don't usually address to-team emails, they just jump in with content and are mercifully brief where they can be.

Dear Sirs can get in the bin and I know many female people in law who are trying to make that be gone.

[Tim Hall]

Just snaffled this from a colleague's email

It was good meeting with yourselves last week.

Gah.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Just snaffled this from a colleague's email

It was good meeting with yourselves last week.

Gah.

Ourselves had a good meeting.

[Cudzoziemiec]

I'm not so sure Hi is American. First recorded use (spelt "hy") is recorded in the 15th century:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hi

[Beardy]

I’ve used Hello to be a bit more formal than Hi, though when dealing with immediate seniors, peers and underlings the intention has always been to be polite on first contact and the increasingly derisory as a relationship grows.

Addressing the grownups at general management and board level is always more problematic, especially when not wishing to be too formal or seem subservient. I suspect this is more a major corporate issue than in a smaller organisation.

[Wowbagger]

"Hey!" is ever worse than "Hi!".

Hiya, it has always seemed to me, is an abbreviated way of pronouncing "How are you?" so is OK-ish. Hi seems to b an abbreviation of that.

Edit: a google indicates that its earliest recorded use is 1940. (OED).

[Cudzoziemiec]

"Hey!" is ever worse than "Hi!".

Hiya, it has always seemed to me, is an abbreviated way of pronouncing "How are you?" so is OK-ish. Hi seems to b an abbreviation of that.

Edit: a google indicates that its earliest recorded use is 1940. (OED).

Could be. I've always thought of it as "Hi, you" or just a diminutivised "hi", but haven't given it that much thought. I expect the origins are multiple.

[Mr Larrington]

“Attention, Scum”?

[Tim Hall]

“Attention, Scum”?

"Yo, melon farmers"?

[MattH]

Working with Swedes, for many years emails (even written in English) would start "Hej", and finish "mvh"  (med vänliga hälsningar - with friendly greetings), even pretty formal business ones. mvh always felt friendlier and nicer than 'best regards'.

[Kim]

“Attention, Scum”?

"Friends and enemies..."

or if you want to be even more formal:

"Puny humans!"

[Pingu]

I did occasionally greet my team with "Hey y'all!" (we always said hello on Teams in the morning as we all worked from home).

[slowfen]

F**kwit parent, if you want to teach your kids to drown, take them elsewhere.

[Cudzoziemiec]

F**kwit parent, if you want to teach your kids to drown, take them elsewhere.

Is this the first line of an email written in your capacity as a lifeguard?