Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 146344 times)

fuzzy

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #350 on: 08 December, 2014, 08:39:26 am »
"You can put the tree up after the kids have gone home."
Drat - when I first saw this I was expecting some bizarre analogy,  with no trees and kids actually involved. I spent several moments wondering wot on EARTH it could mean.

 :facepalm:
;D

Andrew

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #351 on: 08 December, 2014, 11:42:41 am »
"You can put the tree up after the kids have gone home."

I like that. It's given me an idea: sounds like insane management metaphor but is in fact literal.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #352 on: 09 December, 2014, 07:21:50 am »
"It can wash its face"

David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #353 on: 09 December, 2014, 05:55:50 pm »
"It can wash its face"

Commonly used up here. Means that the event breaks even or better.
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mattc

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #354 on: 09 December, 2014, 06:07:09 pm »
"It can wash its face"

Commonly used up here. Means that the event breaks even or better.
Yep,  I've heard it a few times "down here" in that context.

A quick google suggests its more commonly used to indicate profitable businesses,  but fails to tell me the derivation. A challenge for someone clvererer than me!
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Ruthie

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #355 on: 09 December, 2014, 09:00:16 pm »
Sounds like something off Silence Of The Lambs  :-\
Milk please, no sugar.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #356 on: 10 December, 2014, 08:39:29 am »
Washing lambs faces is a common task undertaken by those farmers  who want to achieve higher prices as the animals go through an auction ring. (One of my schoolfriends was often absent on Friday as they prepared their lambs for sale at the local market held on Saturday.)
Not sure if that is the origin though.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #357 on: 10 December, 2014, 05:24:16 pm »
I'd always imagined it was a reference to young or newborn animals - lambs or kittens I guess - becoming able to wash their own faces and so demonstrating that they are robust and independently viable. No source for that, just the picture that expression conjures up if I think about it.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #358 on: 10 December, 2014, 05:40:21 pm »
That makes perfect sense. To my ears, when used by non-farming southeners to describe an app it sounds like insane management speak.

rr

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #359 on: 10 December, 2014, 09:20:21 pm »
How many times can you get change into a job advert

Job Description:
 
Great opportunity for 2 established Change Consultants to join a well-respected public sector organisation. Candidates with a slant towards people oriented change initiatives are particularly encouraged to apply.

2 Change Consultants required (1 senior / 1 Junior) on a 12-18 month fixed term contract by our public sector client based in Essex. Reporting to the Change Manager you will support the delivery of change programmes at business and project level which in turn contribute to an overall organisational change programme.

The ideal candidates for this role will have significant experience around people oriented change initiatives / projects, potentially in a public sector setting. The Change Consultant will support the both the development and implementation of change plans for a business areas. The Change Consultants role will be to apply a consistent change methodology helping to ensure that the benefits of the change programmes are fully realised and that sustainable change is delivered.

This is a great opportunity for a people oriented Change professional to join a well-respected organisation in their field. Our client is looking for a quick turnaround and is offering a competitive salary so please send your CV today to apply.
 
Skills:
 
•Application of effective change tools to diagnose the scale and impact of the proposed changes
•Development of innovative targeted change interventions to enable sustainable transformational change.
•Co-production, management and implementation of change plans
•Providing change expertise and advice to key stakeholders.
•A deep understanding of people change and its complexities
•A track record of supporting, implementing and enabling successful transformational change
 
Person Specification:
 
•Resilience, self-management and confident working within a changing environment with a  wide range of people
•A strong team player who excels in a collaborative environment.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #360 on: 11 December, 2014, 12:23:32 am »
 :'(
How many times can you get change into a job advert

Job Description:
 
Great opportunity for 2 established Change Consultants to join a well-respected public sector organisation. Candidates with a slant towards people oriented change initiatives are particularly encouraged to apply.

2 Change Consultants required (1 senior / 1 Junior) on a 12-18 month fixed term contract by our public sector client based in Essex. Reporting to the Change Manager you will support the delivery of change programmes at business and project level which in turn contribute to an overall organisational change programme.

The ideal candidates for this role will have significant experience around people oriented change initiatives / projects, potentially in a public sector setting. The Change Consultant will support the both the development and implementation of change plans for a business areas. The Change Consultants role will be to apply a consistent change methodology helping to ensure that the benefits of the change programmes are fully realised and that sustainable change is delivered.

This is a great opportunity for a people oriented Change professional to join a well-respected organisation in their field. Our client is looking for a quick turnaround and is offering a competitive salary so please send your CV today to apply.
 
Skills:
 
•Application of effective change tools to diagnose the scale and impact of the proposed changes
•Development of innovative targeted change interventions to enable sustainable transformational change.
•Co-production, management and implementation of change plans
•Providing change expertise and advice to key stakeholders.
•A deep understanding of people change and its complexities
•A track record of supporting, implementing and enabling successful transformational change
 
Person Specification:
 
•Resilience, self-management and confident working within a changing environment with a  wide range of people
•A strong team player who excels in a collaborative environment.


Will the Change Consultants deliver Change on the B Ark?

a lower gear

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #361 on: 11 December, 2014, 12:50:51 am »
How many times can you get change into a job advert

Reminds me of an xkcd graph predicting how prevalent and then dominant the word 'sustainable' will become, extrapolated from recent trends: http://xkcd.com/1007

Guy

  • Retired
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #362 on: 15 April, 2015, 03:05:22 pm »
Quote
Preparatory work for the K2 Workflow Service on the Land MOSS Farm took place on the weekend of 11th April 2015.  Once fully enabled, the K2 Workflow Service will provide an Enterprise-wide platform to allow the MOD to develop, administer and run workflow solutions that will support business processes.

 :sick:
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TheLurker

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #363 on: 15 April, 2015, 07:29:05 pm »
Quote
Preparatory work for the K2 Workflow Service on the Land MOSS Farm took place on the weekend of 11th April 2015.  Once fully enabled, the K2 Workflow Service will provide an Enterprise-wide platform to allow the MOD to develop, administer and run workflow solutions that will support business processes.

 :sick:
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HTFB

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #364 on: 15 April, 2015, 10:21:46 pm »
If the MOD needs land for a moss farm, K2 is most unlikely to be the ideal location for it.
Not especially helpful or mature

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #365 on: 16 April, 2015, 07:45:53 am »
Quote
Preparatory work for the K2 Workflow Service on the Land MOSS Farm took place on the weekend of 11th April 2015.  Once fully enabled, the K2 Workflow Service will provide an Enterprise-wide platform to allow the MOD to develop, administer and run workflow solutions that will support business processes.

 :sick:

Probably a sign I've been sitting too close to the Sharepoint team at work, but that reads perfectly and makes sense to me.  :facepalm:

(MOSS == Microsoft Office SharePoint Server)

Andrij

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #366 on: 16 April, 2015, 09:21:42 am »
If the MOD needs land for a moss farm, K2 is most unlikely to be the ideal location for it.

 ;D
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

fuzzy

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #367 on: 16 April, 2015, 10:10:20 am »
If the MOD needs land for a moss farm, K2 is most unlikely to be the ideal location for it.

Won't stop someone in Ministry of Defence procurement circles from being convinced that it is a great idea and cheap as chips though.

Redlight

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #368 on: 16 April, 2015, 04:33:07 pm »
The finance director of a company I am working with constantly uses the term "positive jaws" when commenting on the performance of bits of the business.  Nobody I have asked knows what he means by it, even though quite a few have started using it themselves, yet nobody has yet had the courage to ask the FD what he means by it either...

Anyone know?
Why should anybody steal a watch when they can steal a bicycle?


Otto

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #370 on: 16 April, 2015, 04:38:34 pm »
The finance director of a company I am working with constantly uses the term "positive jaws" when commenting on the performance of bits of the business.  Nobody I have asked knows what he means by it, even though quite a few have started using it themselves, yet nobody has yet had the courage to ask the FD what he means by it either...

Anyone know?

it means he is a wnaker

Jaded

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #371 on: 17 April, 2015, 07:22:59 am »
W1A is back, so there should be some more silly speaks making their way into general use.
It is simpler than it looks.

Si_Co

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #372 on: 17 April, 2015, 12:53:54 pm »
Have we had 'bandwidth', we must have done, sales are unsure if your taking the proverbial when you reply with the IT dept's email address when there is 'sub-optimal bandwidth'. Mind you the following conversation gave him a clue

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Him: why?
Me: in order to see out of your rectum

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Mr Larrington

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #373 on: 17 April, 2015, 01:33:03 pm »
Elsewhere on that Intertubes, that they have now, someone swears blind that he actually heard the actual word "performativity" (meaning "performance") actually being used.  As the subject under discussion was Formula One motor racing, it is suspected that the culprit is a Mr Ronald "Ron" Dennis of Surrey and rural Neptune.
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Eccentrica Gallumbits

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #374 on: 27 April, 2015, 11:54:44 am »
Looking at the business stats is now "pulse checking."
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.