Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 145277 times)

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #375 on: 27 April, 2015, 05:50:09 pm »
I think performativity is subtly different from performance, though I'm not sure I can articulate the nuance (Mrs Dr W is a drama and performance studies academic; having been to the pub with her colleagues, I am sure that its been used in conversation on multiple occasions...)

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #376 on: 27 April, 2015, 08:00:58 pm »
Well resistance is different from resistivity.

Resistance measures the property of a particular object, item or device, and tells us about that object. Resistivity is a measure of a standardised unit of the substance, and tells us about the properties of the underlying substance, as opposed to any object composed of that substance. (If you changed the shape or size of the object, its resistance would change, but the resistivity of the substance wouldn't.)

I'm not really sure how you apply that distinction to performance. There's a definition of performativity here, but it just seems to be a noun derived from a verb that was itself derived from a noun, in the same way as burglarised is a verb derived from a noun derived from a verb.

Personally, I'm waiting to hear burglarisationing and performatising.

Vince

  • Can't climb; won't climb
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #377 on: 27 April, 2015, 09:10:44 pm »
I have a friend who described his return to the US as being 'repatriotized'.
216km from Marsh Gibbon

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #378 on: 27 April, 2015, 09:23:44 pm »
Are these not all Bushisms?
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #379 on: 28 April, 2015, 09:04:24 am »
Workative is a word my son and his friends use. It seems to mean something like hardworking (in a school context, for them). Perhaps -ative is simply the ending du jour.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #380 on: 28 April, 2015, 09:32:01 am »
'Suffixative' perhaps ?

:-)
Rust never sleeps

David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #381 on: 28 April, 2015, 10:25:30 am »
you'll be coatative then?
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #382 on: 28 April, 2015, 10:49:06 am »
Different suffixes are more or less suffixical at different historative periods. See today's sig line (28th April), which rather makes me  ::-).
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #383 on: 29 April, 2015, 01:27:25 pm »
Just got this on a (work) blog I follow...
Quote
OK.  Who was the knucklehead who thought up the ridiculous corporatism of “I don’t disagree”?
Seriously.  What does this mouth turd even mean?
Does it mean that you simply don’t want to commit to a position?  Do you need more time to determine a position?  Is your ego too large to admit that someone else is right?  Do you really disagree but are too spineless to say it?  Were you not listening and needed to spout some statement to save face?
We owe it to each other to speak clearly, to engage in meaningful dialogue about important topics, and to convey our thoughts and positions.  When political correctness overrides fiduciary responsibility, we destroy stakeholder value.  Get rid of this piece of mouth trash from your repertoire.

 :)

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #384 on: 29 April, 2015, 01:32:23 pm »
Back to the suffixes. Today I've heard 'consumptive' used to mean 'consuming a large amount'. Despite this being in the context of healthcare - 'people are less consumptive of healthcare' - it was clear what was meant. Even when they went on talk about drug-resistant TB!
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #385 on: 29 April, 2015, 06:13:40 pm »
Dan's ranter was doing nicely until s/he used the phrase "stakeholder value".  The only thing I know about stakeholders is that Mikell Howerd doesn't like them.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

ian

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #386 on: 30 April, 2015, 09:22:58 am »
We have 'stakeholders' in everything aboard the mothership. As a person who spends a lot of time daydreaming about vampire librarians, this keeps me moderately entertained in meetings.

HTFB

  • The Monkey and the Plywood Violin
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #387 on: 30 April, 2015, 09:47:50 am »
daydreaming about vampire librarians
This sick filth should be confined to NSFW.
Not especially helpful or mature

Jacomus

  • My favourite gender neutral pronoun is comrade
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #388 on: 30 April, 2015, 11:12:37 am »
"Associative Collaboration Partner" = External contractor.

Why they couldn't have just said "We used $PrintCo. for our latest run of brochures, because they were the cheapest." instead of using 6, yes, 6 PowerPoint slides to describe the process of selecting an Associative Collaboration Partner to print the brochures Tactile Marketing Media. :facepalm:
"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." Amelia Earhart

fuzzy

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #389 on: 30 April, 2015, 10:45:08 pm »
"Associative Collaboration Partner" = External contractor.

Why they couldn't have just said
"We used $PrintCo. for our latest run of brochures, because they were the cheapest." instead of using 6, yes, 6 PowerPoint slides to describe the process of selecting an Associative Collaboration Partner to print the brochures Tactile Marketing Media. :facepalm:

Why talk sense when you can stand in front of people, press a remote to reveal the next torturous image and spout complete and utter bollocks instead?

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #390 on: 30 April, 2015, 10:56:12 pm »
Anybody watch Car Share on iPlayer?   The last four or five minutes are truly classic!   :thumbsup:

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #391 on: 01 May, 2015, 10:25:16 pm »
Stakeholders is a reasonably useful term in project management.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #392 on: 01 May, 2015, 10:27:21 pm »
Agree ^^^^^^
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #393 on: 08 May, 2015, 11:46:46 pm »
Our HR Director is a great fan of the phrase 'rear view mirror gazing', but generally talks such utter sh!te that this is actually quite a relief.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #394 on: 15 May, 2015, 03:01:06 pm »
This seems like the right place to leave this (via a mate on Twitter) - for fans of management bollocks and of Richard Scarry:
http://welcometobusinesstown.tumblr.com/

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #395 on: 22 May, 2015, 01:16:16 pm »
Our new 'vision was outlined today. I've put an * in certain parts to edit names, etc

Dear colleagues,

As you will be aware, over the past few months I’ve been working with * to clearly understand the ‘As Is’ status of IT across *, and to also build a picture of the options which could define the ‘To be’ vision over the next 3 to 5 years. This has progressed well and the output will be presented to * later in July.   

We do still to need to improve skills and capability in certain areas, such as relationship management and also working with our customers to clearly define and co-create services to ensure adoption, support and transparency. I will therefore be creating a new Information Technology Group consisting of senior key users and other IT suppliers *, to manage the portfolio of services, introduce new strategic initiatives and agree IT changes across the entire establishment.     

The last piece of the puzzle still to be defined is how we can manage projects coming into the combined department as we integrate further over the next 12 months or so.

I’m keen to ensure we harvest those successful processes across the two divisions and combine them into a single best practice project delivery function as well as determine where *this is best governed as a formal PMO function.   


David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #396 on: 22 May, 2015, 01:24:21 pm »
could well be the latest phrase to bring in. Just tell someone to FOCUS
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

tiermat

  • According to Jane, I'm a Unisex SpaceAdmin
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #397 on: 22 May, 2015, 01:44:04 pm »
"Associative Collaboration Partner" = External contractor.

Why they couldn't have just said "We used $PrintCo. for our latest run of brochures, because they were the cheapest." instead of using 6, yes, 6 PowerPoint slides to describe the process of selecting an Associative Collaboration Partner to print the brochures Tactile Marketing Media. :facepalm:

Imagine my surprise, after nearly 20 years in the IT contracting market, to be told I am no longer a contractor but an "Associate".  I have NEVER been to Dundee, and I can't sing....
I feel like Captain Kirk, on a brand new planet every day, a little like King Kong on top of the Empire State

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #398 on: 22 May, 2015, 01:57:13 pm »
I have just "walked" out of an all team tele conference.  It's just that if anyone else had employed the term "passionate" yet one more time I could well have exployed with sheer joy and passion.  And that could have been quite messy.  So I left on 'Health & Safety' grounds, didn't I? 
And anyway, I needed my lunch and it was already well past my lunch time.

Sod 'em.
Admission.  I'm actually not that fussed about cake.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #399 on: 22 May, 2015, 03:44:21 pm »
Needing lunch is health and safety grounds.  :thumbsup:
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.