Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 144156 times)

fuzzy

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #475 on: 03 March, 2017, 01:39:14 pm »
Do you think there might be an Oligarch or CEO somewhere who sits in his/ her office laughing their tits off at the way minions adopt a fuckwit phrase they invented and used in a conversation for shits and giggles?

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #476 on: 03 March, 2017, 01:49:21 pm »
Do you think there might be an Oligarch or CEO somewhere who sits in his/ her office laughing their tits off at the way minions adopt a fuckwit phrase they invented and used in a conversation for shits and giggles?

I think they're called 'Management Consultants'.

My uncle was such, and was the first to admit that his job was extremely-well-paid bollocks. 

ian

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #477 on: 03 March, 2017, 02:41:23 pm »
I've started inventing them. I'm using 'zone down' at the moment. Let's zone down on the detail.

I completely made it up a week or two back (I hope, you can never be sure who has prior art on bullshit). You have no idea how gratifying it is, to be in an unconnected meeting, and hear someone else say some totally meaningless phrase you've made up.

Unless I've got competition, of course, and they're making shit up too.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #478 on: 03 March, 2017, 03:13:54 pm »
you can never be sure who has prior art on bullshit
:D ;D
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

barakta

  • Bastard lovechild of Yomiko Readman and Johnny 5
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #479 on: 03 March, 2017, 04:44:05 pm »
At least my made up phrases make sense... Ex colleagues keep finding themselves using them in my absence :D   :demon: :smug:

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #480 on: 03 March, 2017, 06:21:38 pm »
I've started inventing them. I'm using 'zone down' at the moment. Let's zone down on the detail.

Now that's whar I call "Thought Leadership".
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

rr

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #481 on: 03 March, 2017, 09:51:00 pm »
I am trying to start a vegetable meme at my work, some of the managers are known to be "bean counters" so each different activity is reffered to as a different vegetable, and the strapline?
It is futile to measure bean production on a pumpkin farm.
Livens up team meetings.

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #482 on: 03 March, 2017, 09:54:34 pm »
Because otherwise it might get away, obviously.

I could live with that, easily
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #483 on: 04 March, 2017, 12:26:36 pm »
I am trying to start a vegetable meme at my work, some of the managers are known to be "bean counters" so each different activity is reffered to as a different vegetable, and the strapline?
It is futile to measure bean production on a pumpkin farm.
Livens up team meetings.
It's always Halloween at rr's work.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #484 on: 04 March, 2017, 04:29:02 pm »
Wot no 'Alternative Truth' yet? Or my favourite, 'its not fair'.
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

Ben T

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #485 on: 04 March, 2017, 08:14:10 pm »
 ;D it certainly would if it were up to me  :P

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #486 on: 04 March, 2017, 11:45:53 pm »
I've started inventing them. I'm using 'zone down' at the moment. Let's zone down on the detail.
What about 'meme driven'? Do you think it'd get the hadrons colliding? Or just the pigeons homing? Is it juicy enough to squelch?
"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #487 on: 06 March, 2017, 01:55:37 pm »
It is futile to measure bean production on a pumpkin farm.
That's going to lead to need a 'hoe down'.

Sow your seeds in a row, hoe out the errant weeds.

I like it. There is a book in there. 'A Season for All Things' 'Seeds of Management', something like that. ooh, how about 'Managing your Plot'?
<i>Marmite slave</i>

rr

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #488 on: 06 March, 2017, 02:16:09 pm »
It is futile to measure bean production on a pumpkin farm.
That's going to lead to need a 'hoe down'.

Sow your seeds in a row, hoe out the errant weeds.

I like it. There is a book in there. 'A Season for All Things' 'Seeds of Management', something like that. ooh, how about 'Managing your Plot'?
The problem is I'm not sure whether it would be satire or serious.

I'll leave this link as well I'll leave this link as well

rr

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #489 on: 06 March, 2017, 02:18:43 pm »
It is futile to measure bean production on a pumpkin farm.
That's going to lead to need a 'hoe down'.

Sow your seeds in a row, hoe out the errant weeds.

I like it. There is a book in there. 'A Season for All Things' 'Seeds of Management', something like that. ooh, how about 'Managing your Plot'?
Got to be more fun than a scrum or a huddle, fat pumpkin or LEAN beans?

[Tears for fears] Sowing the seeds of success [/tff]

mr ben

  • Some routes may be arduous.
    • ramblings and randonees
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #490 on: 06 March, 2017, 09:53:32 pm »
We have a dysfunctional lab coat laundering system at work.  I recently complained that the one I had put in for laundry some weeks ago has still not reappeared in my locker.  I was forwarded an email saying that my clean one was destined for delivery and would be 'lockered' that day. Unfortunately making something a 'doing word' does not necessarily make it any more likely to be done.
Think it possible that you may be mistaken.

meddyg

  • 'You'll have had your tea?'
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #491 on: 06 March, 2017, 11:17:02 pm »
Ah, the verbal noun - lends eloquence to mundane tasks ....

'Your visit has been diarised for Tuesday next' *

As Mr Ben says, it doesn't increase the chances of it happening....


*Social Work fuckwittery of course ....

mr ben

  • Some routes may be arduous.
    • ramblings and randonees
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #492 on: 09 March, 2017, 07:02:58 pm »
Oooh I hate that one too.
Think it possible that you may be mistaken.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #493 on: 15 March, 2017, 06:22:11 pm »

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #494 on: 15 March, 2017, 06:27:02 pm »

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #495 on: 15 March, 2017, 06:31:25 pm »
I Like  ;D
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #496 on: 15 March, 2017, 06:33:25 pm »
Improvulence

That, in itselfness, is fantastic!
It is simpler than it looks.

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #497 on: 15 March, 2017, 08:16:55 pm »
The distressing thing is that is far, far too believable.
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

ian

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #498 on: 16 March, 2017, 09:15:33 am »
I'll just leave this here: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/842036858217484289

I'm so going to do this tomorrow  ;D

I wonder if created this, I've been doing this since whiteboards were invented and used to talk about it on usenet. And I came up with the mispolygonism. I have the triangle of failure (which is, of course, a square).

But, yeah, leave me alone in a meeting room and a whiteboard. Oh sweet temptation!

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #499 on: 17 March, 2017, 08:24:43 am »
Quote
Please re-confirm your office address where we are trying to zero in on 27th afternoon , which is right after we reach London.

I feel like a target.  :o