The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Mrs Pingu]

I did actually laugh out loud at that, thanks Ham!

[ElyDave]

Re-commissioned the turbo trainer yesterday after a pretty dry summer and no real need to be indoors.  All started up OK and had a few software updates (TTS 4) but when I started the training, target 100rpm, the trainer was showing over 200.

I didn't think much of that as it was about double the target and I thought it might be a software thing i.e. count each leg.  But the weirdness continued when I dropped the cadence to 80, but the indicated value went up to 240.

Throughout this I was also using my Garmin Fenix 2, so I have a reasonable idea of the real cadence, plus the feel in my legs.

Anyone got any ideas or had a similar issue?

whilst nowhere in the league of Ham, I've just committed a fairly sizeable act of divinity/divness myself.

Having posted the above in another thread, I've just woked it out myself.

I'd set the taxc cadence sensor to pick up the wheel magnet, not the crank magnet, so when I upped the gear and dropped the cadence, the wheel speed still went up 

[Ruthie]

Got up early this morning to makes some lovely canapes for our church's 80th birthday party today.  Feta cheese, sunsoaked tomato, palma ham parcel, and a black olive, speared on a cocktail stick.  Scores of them.  It wasn't cheap either, but it's a special day and it deserves a special effort for the bring-and-share lunch.

Got some slap on, high heels, brushed my hair and everything.

Arrived to a very depleted congregation, and no-one else had brought anything!

That party.  It's next week. 

It all got et, nevertheless 

[barakta]

Ooops, well you gave people an unexpected treat!   

[Cudzoziemiec]

Better than turning up a week late at least!

[Cudzoziemiec]

"Time for a cup of tea," I thought. So I went into the kitchen, put the kettle on, opened the lid of the tea bag container, took out one of Mr Tetley's finest and dropped it accurately from a great height into... a soup bowl.

It seems I really needed that cup of tea.

[MagnusOpus]

Saturday,

had to get some stuff from the boot of the car.....

Brain sends signal to arm to shut boot

Brain then thinks, I didn't leave the keys in the boot did I?

Sadly arm has followed the initial instruction and just isn't going to abort until it's mission is complete

Clunk....check pocket...look through boot window....oh bollocks

Never have this problem with a carradice

[Mr Larrington]

For extra divviness make sure your other set of car keys are hanging from a hook in the kitchen, three hundred miles from where your securely locked motorcar is currently parked.

[Kim]

"It's Tuesday night; bin night!" quoth the bot.
"We'd better put the bin out." remarks barakta.
"I've got the bin, you get the door.  There isn't anything festering in the fridge is there?"  says Kim, emptying the kitchen bin like a boss.
"Actually, pass me that recycling, I'll put it in the recycling bin while I'm at it.", going for extra credit.

And so it came to pass, and we hobble retire upstairs satisfied with a job well done.

*Time passes*

"What's that noise?" wonders Kim, "Ah, it's out neighbour and his idiotic collie putting their wheeliebin out.  Fair enough."
"Hang on, we didn't actually put the wheeliebin out, did we?" asks barakta.
"Yes, that thought also occurred to me.  Which is why I'm at this very moment instructing the computer to remind us when we next go downstairs."
"But we'll just ignore that because we already did the bins."
"I've also anticipated that problem, so I've told it to say 'actually put the bin out you idiot'."


(I'm reckoning there's a 50% chance of extra div points in the not too distant future...)

[ElyDave]

For extra divviness make sure your other set of car keys are hanging from a hook in the kitchen, three hundred miles from where your securely locked motorcar is currently parked.

Last time I did that (many, many moons ago just after passing test) I was in front of the police station.  A very nice policeman showed me how easy it was to break into my car.

[Mr Larrington]

I did it with my old Capri; the AA man got it open quicker with his metal thingummy than I could with the key.  Alas, modern motorcar locks are made of sterner stuff, but because I was too tight to shell out for electric rear windows he was able to wind one down enough to hook the keys (fortunately I had the rear seats down).  Only now, eight years on, have I realised he could probably have poked the lock override button with his stick instead.

[Kim]

Update: Bin-related divvishness successfully averted through advanced technology.

[Basil]

Update: Bin-related divvishness successfully averted through advanced technology.

Good oh.   

I'm lucky here, inasmuch as the truck doesn't come through till about noon.  By that time I've generally noticed the neighbours bags out.
I also get a clue as to which week it is.  Here it is recycle bags every week and black bags once a fortnight, which is the opposite of what I was used to in Brum.  Certainly concentrates the mind when chucking stuff in bins.  Which is a good thing, I s'pose.
However, they do accept all the plastics, unlike Brum.

[Kim]

Ours seem to have become a lot more random since the wheeliebins.  They now do an early morning recycling run along $perpendicular_road to maximise noise heard from the bedroom, but the normal bins can go at any point from early morning to mid afternoon.

[T42]

Our bin men come round at about 5 a.m.  The bloke across the road leaves for work at ~4:30 so he trundles his bin out just before leaving.

[fuzzy]

For extra divviness make sure your other set of car keys are hanging from a hook in the kitchen, three hundred miles from where your securely locked motorcar is currently parked.

Last time I did that (many, many moons ago just after passing test) I was in front of the police station.  A very nice policeman showed me how easy it was to break into my car.

Back in the day of less than secure motor vehicles, any copper worth their salt had a length of plastic packing band coiled up in their helmet or handbag.

[T42]

I once broke into our old Passat with a wire coat-hanger.

Meanwhile, my passing divviness arises from having chivalrously paid the speeding fine and accepted a point on my licence when it was the missus wot dun it. Now we're thinking of buying a new car and insuring it, and I'm not sure that a non-virgin licence won't incur an increased premium. 

[MagnusOpus]

Not the first time I've made the key mistake, we only have one set, and I'm loathe to spend the £200 we were quoted on a spare set!

Anyway, the RAC man got in easy enough using the big plastic spudgers and rubber balloon on the door frame technique

[Torslanda]

Not the first time I've made the key mistake, we only have one set, and I'm loathe to spend the £200 we were quoted on a spare set!

Anyway, the RAC man got in easy enough using the big plastic spudgers and rubber balloon on the door frame technique

If your car has a normal key slot you could get Timpson or whoever local to cut you a key which would unlock the car. It wouldn't work the immobiliser without the car being programmed to recognise it and opening the car would set the alarm off but that would quickly be sorted as soon as you put your hands on the real one.

You would, of course, have to have the foresight to have it with you...

[FatBloke]

I once broke into our old Passat with a wire coat-hanger.

Meanwhile, my passing divviness arises from having chivalrously paid the speeding fine and accepted a point on my licence when it was the missus wot dun it. Now we're thinking of buying a new car and insuring it, and I'm not sure that a non-virgin licence won't incur an increased premium. 

Wouldn't worry about the premium. However, you should worry about a 12 month sentence for perverting the course of justice by putting your hand up for your wife's misdemeanors!!!   

[jsabine]

T42's in That France. They do things differently there

[Zipperhead]

I once broke into our old Passat with a wire coat-hanger.

Meanwhile, my passing divviness arises from having chivalrously paid the speeding fine and accepted a point on my licence when it was the missus wot dun it. Now we're thinking of buying a new car and insuring it, and I'm not sure that a non-virgin licence won't incur an increased premium. 

Wouldn't worry about the premium. However, you should worry about a 12 month sentence for perverting the course of justice by putting your hand up for your wife's misdemeanors!!!   

Don't tell me that you've never put your hand up your wife's misdemeanors?

[Pedaldog.]

i tried to charge a set of lights today. front light was easy, micro usb charged it fine. rear light had, what looked to me, like a flat but wide bit sticking up with circuitry painted on it. nowhere to plug the usb thingy into. Sprogs came over and I mentioned it to her. she looked at it and gave me a "Gibbs smack onna head!". it plugs directly into a usb output socket!
why, ffs, a different lead on front and rar lights?
HALFORDS innit!

[Canardly]

'Cos there is a world wide conspiracy amongst electronics fu guys to make sure you have as little kitchen worktop as possible.

[Guy]

Coming to a full stop in a safe and timely manner is better effected if, after removing the front wheel to get a a dead leaf stuck inside the mud-guard and making annoying shSHHHHhshhhSHHHHsssHHHHHhhsssSSShhh-type noises, one remembers to re-hook the front brake