The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[ian]

One of my school friends, having found a way to avoid a home economics lesson, left his ingredients (which included eggs) in a locker for an entire year. When that was discovered we all had to go stand in the playground for 30 minutes while the smell dissipated.

[essexian]

Ops......

CBH has just phoned to inform me that her rich, cat loving uncle has just died.

Reflecting back: "I don't suppose he will leave us anything in his will" was not the right reply to this sad news 

[Zipperhead]

Ops......

CBH has just phoned to inform me that her rich, cat loving uncle has just died.

Reflecting back: "I don't suppose he will leave us anything in his will" was not the right reply to this sad news 

Pussy Galore?

[mrcharly-YHT]

I have plenty of time to get to dentist. It takes 20min to get there, I have 40. Check bike tyres, front is very soft. Pump it up. Ride to dentist, get there 20min early. Front tyre is very soft again . . .
Oh bu&&er
It's my town bike, so of course I don't have pump, tube or patches with me.

Post dental poking and prodding, I walk to train station to go to work - it is 2miles.

Could have fixed that at home in 10min. I was waiting 20min for the dentist.

[mcshroom]

If you are ordering a new quill stem for your bike with a 1" headset, make sure you check the diameter of the quill is 22.2mm, not 25.4 mm

Today's message is brought to you by your "buy stupid, buy twice" Cumbrian correspondant

[T42]

"Measure, measure, cut" springs to mind.  Or "measure... measure..... CU*T ! ! !" in the present case.

[Kim]

Today was the first outing for my Walz wool cap this winter...

...I've just found it in the load I removed from the washing machine.   


Watch this space to see whether we're going to have to line assorted forumites' children up for a cinderella who's-got-a-sufficiently-small-head competition again.

[andrewc]

Today was the first outing for my Walz wool cap this winter...

...I've just found it in the load I removed from the washing machine.   


Watch this space to see whether we're going to have to line assorted forumites' children up for a cinderella who's-got-a-sufficiently-small-head competition again.

The solution is surely to wear it until it's dry, so it can't shrink too much....  (keep sharp scissors handy in case you hear your skull creaking)

[ElyDave]

wondering why my brakes felt a bit spongy this morning, until I remembered I'd had both wheels out last weekend.  I'd only ridden 25km with the front calliper on the open position.

[Guy]

Hotplates that have had coffee pots on them for the las 45 minutes are bloody hot. The blister on the end of my right-hand forefinger is going to make life a bit difficult for a day or two

[lahoski]

Hotplates that have had coffee pots on them for the las 45 minutes are bloody hot. The blister on the end of my right-hand forefinger is going to make life a bit difficult for a day or two

I nonchalantly put my hand behind me to lean on the counter top once at a party whilst engaged in a wholly inappropriate conversation with someone I really shouldn't have but really rather wanted to. Except it wasn't a counter top. It was the hot plate of an electric cooker.

It ruined the mood.

[Peter]

A Delboy momemt!

[Mr Larrington]

10/10 for dropping off my repeat prescription at the chemist's in Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles last week.

0/10 for forgetting to pick up my meds this week

[ElyDave]

Hotplates that have had coffee pots on them for the las 45 minutes are bloody hot. The blister on the end of my right-hand forefinger is going to make life a bit difficult for a day or two

I nonchalantly put my hand behind me to lean on the counter top once at a party whilst engaged in a wholly inappropriate conversation with someone I really shouldn't have but really rather wanted to. Except it wasn't a counter top. It was the hot plate of an electric cooker.

It ruined the mood.

I broke my little finger at a party, leaning back against the counter, feet slipped out under me on wet tiles, tried to stop myself and caught my hand on the cupboard handle on the way down.

[Kim]

Today was the first outing for my Walz wool cap this winter...

...I've just found it in the load I removed from the washing machine.   


Watch this space to see whether we're going to have to line assorted forumites' children up for a cinderella who's-got-a-sufficiently-small-head competition again.

Bad news for the younger generation: It appears to still be Kim-sized.   

[hellymedic]

Today was the first outing for my Walz wool cap this winter...

...I've just found it in the load I removed from the washing machine.   


Watch this space to see whether we're going to have to line assorted forumites' children up for a cinderella who's-got-a-sufficiently-small-head competition again.

Bad news for the younger generation: It appears to still be Kim-sized.   

 

Most kids' heads (not faces) aren't much smaller than adults anyway. The skull does much growing in infancy but little thereafter.

[Kim]

Most kids' heads (not faces) aren't much smaller than adults anyway. The skull does much growing in infancy but little thereafter.

This was demonstrated with the last one, where it got handed to younger and younger children until SmallestCub ended up with it.

[hellymedic]

Vague recall of  approximate head circumferences:
30cm birth
45cm 1 year
50cm 2 year

55 cm adult woman

[andrewc]

I recently bought 2 new caps (tweed flat style).  The 59cm one is a little too snug, the 60cm is a tad too loose & has blown off in wind once already   

[Kim]

My steel tape measure suggests my head circumference is about 57cm.  Shrink a couple of inches off that and it sounds about right for a 3yo.

[hellymedic]

60 cm is large, even for a man.

In the Good Old Days, hats, including school berets and caps, were supplied in ⅛ inch increments.

6⅜" fitted a 5 year old (approx) and 6⅞" an 11 year old... 

[Cudzoziemiec]

ISTR that back when was a motorcyclist my helmet size was 56cm. I expect that varies from manufacturer to manufacturer though and with personal preference.

[Greenbank]

"Measure, measure, cut" springs to mind.  Or "measure... measure..... CU*T ! ! !" in the present case.

"Measure once, buy twice"

Today's ISAFD moment: I looked and thought about posting in the Lift the Lid subforum.

What was I thinking!

[Torslanda]

Just fitted a new front derailleur cable, set the indexing then reached under the BB to trim the excess cable. Snip. SPAAAANG! as the cage hit the inner stop.

Oh, well. it's only a cable...

[spesh]

"Measure, measure, cut" springs to mind.  Or "measure... measure..... CU*T ! ! !" in the present case.

"Measure once, buy twice"

Today's ISAFD moment: I looked and thought about posting in the Lift the Lid subforum.

What was I thinking!

From observation of previous home-owners' attempts at carpentry in my house:

"Measure once, use Birmingham screwdriver and/or bigger nails to fit."