The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Canardly]

Snapped the wrong key in a silver rated Kryptonite D lock whilst brain working on auto pilot. Bugger. Need to borrow some bolt croppers.

[Wombat]

The only Kryptonite D lock I ever owned was one of those you could open with a ball point pen.  Unsurprisingly I've been less than keen to own another of their products, particularly considering they were very reluctant to refund me on it, despite it being very well known that they were all faulty.

This doesn't help, does it?

[TigaSefi]

I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The cast should be off in about six weeks...

Lol oops!

[Kim]

I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The recumbent variation on this technique (where you sit in the seat and 'pedal' the BB loose) Just Works™ in an extremely satisfying way, and is somewhat less hazardous.  I expect never to need to use it again.

[Canardly]

Are these  On guard things any good?


https://www.tredz.co.uk/bike-locks-security-sale

[Jakob W]

I've got an OnGuard Brute, and it weighs a ton is reassuringly beefy. Solid secure Gold, and IIRC it gets the LFGSS thumbs-up for affordable and reasonably secure (16mm shackle). A beefy mini-D is probably marginally more secure because there's less chance of a lever attack, but may not work for all frames.

[Mrs Pingu]

I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The cast should be off in about six weeks...

Lol oops!

Honestly a cast or are you exaggerating?

[Torslanda]

I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The cast should be off in about six weeks...

Lol oops!

For clarity: When you work on your own (and don't have access to air tools) this method just works. The difficulty is keeping stable. With a 800mm breaker bar the force at the BB is around 100kg/m. The trick is to have the bar sufficiently far from the floor that when you push on it there's room to move the BB (as opposed to just bending the bar!) but not so high that you are off balance when you stand on it IYSWIM.

The line about the cast was a joke...

[Ham]

I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The cast should be off in about six weeks...

Lol oops!

For clarity: When you work on your own (and don't have access to air tools) this method just works. The difficulty is keeping stable. With a 800mm breaker bar the force at the BB is around 100kg/m. The trick is to have the bar sufficiently far from the floor that when you push on it there's room to move the BB (as opposed to just bending the bar!) but not so high that you are off balance when you stand on it IYSWIM.

The line about the cast was a joke...

Just shout a lot. Then you'll be a little hoarse.

[ElyDave]

The thread you want is =======>

Which reminds me, what noise does a horsecow make?

coff-coff-moooggh - said in a strangulated voice.  Not one for the written word

[Ham]

Here's a beaut.

I was digging out some clumps of bulbs from a bed, and bashing them gently to remove excess soil. Nothing especially div like about that you may say, and that could be right. Not, however, if you are knocking them against the blade of spade, stood astride the handle. Fair brought tears to my eyes, even though I could hardly stop laughing.

[Canardly]

Much viewing of utube solutions to removing a broken half key from lock and then......

Tries Coping saw blade = no

Tries pointy tweezers = no

Tries tiny pointy glasses tweezers = no (and bends tiny pointy tweezers)

Tries Small screwdriver with serrated blade = no but definite movement.

Eyes angle grinder in garage pondering blade choice and availability.

Tries uber powerful Neodym magnet = no

Eyes bolt cropper models at Screwfix.......

Turns lock over to get better view and

half a broken key blade falls out.

Is it me?

[Tim Hall]

Much viewing of utube solutions to removing a broken half key from lock and then......

Tries Coping saw blade = no

Tries pointy tweezers = no

Tries tiny pointy glasses tweezers = no (and bends tiny pointy tweezers)

Tries Small screwdriver with serrated blade = no but definite movement.

Eyes angle grinder in garage pondering blade choice and availability.

Tries uber powerful Neodym magnet = no

Eyes bolt cropper models at Screwfix.......

Turns lock over to get better view and

half a broken key blade falls out.

Is it me?

Proper out loud laughter can now be heard from a flat in Sussex.
Then I remembered the saga of the jammed padlock. Key wouldn't turn, moveable part of lock stayed in place. I borrow a battery powered disc cutter, do the necessary to the hasp.  Lock falls to the ground and springs open.

[hellymedic]

I forgot to update my payment details with 18185 when my bank replaced my credit card last September - oops!

I don't suppose my failed £3.32 payment will bankrupt them.

[T42]

Went into the workshop this morning and found the tube I'd put solvent on last night still waiting for the patch.

[citoyen]

Went into the workshop this morning and found the tube I'd put solvent on last night still waiting for the patch.

Better that than being one of those impatient types who applies the patch before the solvent has dried.

[Jayjay]

After I replaced the water tank in the loft, I decided that the old steel tank would fit through the hatch for disposal.
Part way down the stepladder I reassessed the risk, with half my bodyweight of rusty plumbing pressing me relentlessly towards the landing. However, there was no way at that point that it was going back up.
No distressing injuries occurred nor damage to the house, my div-ness rating, however, "went through the ceiling".

[T42]

Went into the workshop this morning and found the tube I'd put solvent on last night still waiting for the patch.

Better that than being one of those impatient types who applies the patch before the solvent has dried.

BTDT too.

[andytheflyer]

Some small parts arrived this morning for the Triumph 750 that I'm getting back on the road. I opened the packet and took out a new brake light switch (mostly rubber boot) and a gearbox oil drain plug.  Put them on the kitchen worktop - Jack the 12 month old black lab/collie cross has not thieved anything off there for many weeks.  They'll be safe for a few minutes.

The wife's out.  You can see what's coming...…

About 20 mins later I found the remains of a small plastic bag on the hall floor.  Not a good sign.  Checked the worktop - brake light switch but no oil drain plug.

The plug is a steel tube, about 2" long, 1/4" dia and with a big nut on the bottom to screw into the gearbox sump.  Oh oh.....

Checked very carefully and methodically, at least twice, all the areas Jack had had access to over the past half hour.  Nothing.  Normally, when he's picked up something he shouldn't, we hear occasional crunching noises, or rattles or some such, giving the game away. A quick check in his mouth and we get whatever it is back.  Soggy, usually chewed beyond further use, but we get it back.

Nothing this time.  No crunching, nothing.  Just a dog looking completely normal and with nothing to say.  No blame being admitted.  No sheepish look (we can tell). No invitation to chase him to recover whatever it is he's picked up.

Began to panic. He can't possibly have swallowed it, but I can't find it. Rang vet.  Do I make him sick?  It's got too many sharp edges to let nature take its course - and anyway, I want that part back asap.

Vet went to consult, came back.  It'll be Ok.  Wait until it appears.  And just then, mid-conversation, I spotted a silver tube poking out of his mouth.  The bloody animal had been concealing it for 20 minutes.  Because there were no tell-tale sounds I didn't check his mouth.

Much apologies to the vet and relief on my part.

Fortunately it wasn't the brake light switch as that would not have survived the ordeal.

Labs have a defective gene.  They think they are hungry all the time and must have something in their mouth.  We thought he'd got over thieving food from the worktops.

Labs.

And breathe.

[Kim]

Do we have a "What has your dog eaten today?" thread.  I have vague memories of a car battery...

[T42]

Amongst other things, our two ate the knobs off the kitchen hifi. And most of the way through a wall.

[hellymedic]

Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...

[quixoticgeek]

I seem to live in my cycle jersey (it's merino wool, comfortable, and I'm cycling a lot...), it has pockets. This is great, I usually keep my phone in the left back pocket.

Today I was wearing a merino base layer, I went to put my phone in the back pocket of the jersey. *thunk*, oh right, not wearing it today. I'm awake. Honest.

J

[essexian]

An apology.

Over the last 20 weeks my local cycling club have been running indoor winter training turbo sessions. I, despite not being a member have attended these sessions and at £44 for the whole lot, it is excellent value and very valuable in keeping what little fitness I have alive during the cold and dark nights.

They are a friendly bunch also who despite my lack of ability to mix in groups, welcomed and encouraged me. Indeed, at our recent “test” my 20 minutes power has increased by 16% since the first session. Most excellent.

However….they didn’t deserve what I did to them last evening. I am so sorry.

So, at the end of the session we do some stretching as part of the warm down. What I did not realise was that the seam on the bum part of my bib shorts had failed leaving at least 5cm of my hairy arse on display    .  The coach came up to me after the session and suggested that I needed to get some new ones.

So, good people of Stafford RC, I am so sorry. 

[Guy]

Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...

They're not actually human. They're Buddhist Labs who were Bad Dogs and have been sent back to try again.