I've just developed a new and interesting phenomenon in the oral department and thought I'd share, to see if anyone else undergoes these same delights. I'd just had lunch, and felt like I'd got this annoying piece of toast somehow stuck in my mouth. I embark upon digital excavation with a moistened finger but can't seem to shift it. Off I toddle to the mirror to see what's going on.
You know when you're sort of half expecting something small - say a grazed knee - and then when you roll up your trousers half your leg is missing? Well it felt like that. I peered into the mirror and poked out my tongue.
And my first reaction was... "Jaysus! What the f*** is THAT!" A vast pulsating carbuncle clung to the underside of my tongue, slightly off centre. Dark red in colour, like a ruby-tipped tongue stud gone awry. It's about the size of a garden pea and looks like a jumbo blood blister. Having just scared myself crapless by looking it up on the web and encountering endless harrowing pictures of tumours, it seems that it is most likely just that - a blood blister.
Still, it's probably time to pack in the smokes again, so into the bin goes a perfectly good packet of tumour-inducing cheroots.
I suppose I'll see what happens. If it gets any bigger I should probably see the sawbones. Tune in this time tomorrow for more exciting updates. And no, I am not going to post a pic. It's too vile.
