Author Topic: First-World Problems.  (Read 333941 times)

Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #900 on: 09 September, 2015, 06:37:04 pm »
I have run out of filters for the coffee machine and have left my Aeropress at my Mum and Dads. I may have to drink instant coffee unless I can find a cafeteria I stashed at the back of one of the cupboards.

Having a cafeteria in your cupboards seems excessive.

Damn that spellchecker:)
I think you'll find it's a bit more complicated than that.

Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #901 on: 09 September, 2015, 10:49:02 pm »
The pool car I had today is geared to over 3000 rpm at a true 70 mph in 5th.

Most of the time it was in 9th and turning at 1600 rpm at 70.
Quote from: Kim
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Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #902 on: 10 September, 2015, 03:59:31 am »
I have run out of filters for the coffee machine and have left my Aeropress at my Mum and Dads. I may have to drink instant coffee unless I can find a cafeteria I stashed at the back of one of the cupboards.

Having a cafeteria in your cupboards seems excessive.

Quite.  This place is bad enough in that the fridge, the safe and the ironing board are all concealed in the wardrobe.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #903 on: 10 September, 2015, 01:16:09 pm »
I have run out of filters for the coffee machine and have left my Aeropress at my Mum and Dads. I may have to drink instant coffee unless I can find a cafeteria I stashed at the back of one of the cupboards.

Having a cafeteria in your cupboards seems excessive.

Quite.  This place is bad enough in that the fridge, the safe and the ironing board are all concealed in the wardrobe...

...leaving no space for the Hugo Boss, Armani, Burberry and Gieves & Hawkes collections...

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #904 on: 10 September, 2015, 02:59:36 pm »
I have run out of filters for the coffee machine and have left my Aeropress at my Mum and Dads. I may have to drink instant coffee unless I can find a cafeteria I stashed at the back of one of the cupboards.

Having a cafeteria in your cupboards seems excessive.

Quite.  This place is bad enough in that the fridge, the safe and the ironing board are all concealed in the wardrobe...

...leaving no space for the Hugo Boss, Armani, Burberry and Gieves & Hawkes collections...

You are conflating me with the stable lad again.

(Rummages for Paul Smith fleece and Turnbull & Asser T-shaped shirt with a picture of a machine-gun-toting badger on it)
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #905 on: 11 September, 2015, 02:55:06 pm »
Last week I took an Aston Martin out for a spin. It was some perk through my wife's company, I have no interest in cars, I just wanted to have a go in one. Today I received the following email from Aston Martin

"I understand that following your drive in the new DB9 GT you would like to explore possible purchase options, I therefore extend an invitation to visit our showroom on Park Lane to discuss your requirements further so we can begin to source the perfect Aston Martin for you. When would be convenient for you to visit?"

How does a fiver a week sound to you as a purchase option?

Andrij

  • Андрій
  • Ερασιτεχνικός μισάνθρωπος
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #906 on: 11 September, 2015, 03:01:17 pm »
Last week I took an Aston Martin out for a spin. It was some perk through my wife's company, I have no interest in cars, I just wanted to have a go in one. Today I received the following email from Aston Martin

"I understand that following your drive in the new DB9 GT you would like to explore possible purchase options, I therefore extend an invitation to visit our showroom on Park Lane to discuss your requirements further so we can begin to source the perfect Aston Martin for you. When would be convenient for you to visit?"

How does a fiver a week sound to you as a purchase option?

Please do go, but turn up on the Yuba Mundo.   ;D
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #907 on: 11 September, 2015, 03:06:12 pm »
Asking about boot mounted bike carriers for the Yuba would be a giggle...

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #908 on: 11 September, 2015, 03:56:46 pm »
We have an Aston Martin showroom down the road.  They do make bike carriers.  I'm not sure whether they'd cope with a Yuba though...  ;D
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

Green Party Councillor

ian

Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #909 on: 11 September, 2015, 04:34:40 pm »
Reminds me of the time my wife and I, possessed by the spirit of morbid curiosity, and standing outside one of those bazillion pound filing cabinets of flats that push up like the bastard big brother of Japanese knotweed throughout London and not wanting to get any wetter than we already were, thought what the hell it's dry inside, let's find out what £3.5 million will buy us while casually dripping on the most expensive carpet possible (if you're going to drip you may as well do it in style). So we slip into role as swankbanking investors with our eye on another (yes, another, the saleswoman was practically up her ankles in a sea of drool when she heard that another, and she was already perched on heels so high that she'd probably take several seconds to hit the carpet if she tripped, and oh what a carpet, you could lose a lion in it, and it was very absorbent if you happen to be dripping wet). I work in sales so I roll big, unctuous fat lies out of my mouth all the time, giant pork buns of invention, corkers of porkers. I have no shame. I misplaced it in a bar somewhere. I think someone took it home and keeps it as a pet. It eats goldfish crackers and drinks Campari. Don't get it drunk after midnight.

So anyway, we're whisked up into a glossy elevator (not a lift, lifts are for council blocks, lifts are for pissing in, lifts are for old ladies with shopping bags) and deposited in what someone thinks is a contemporary lifestyle assembled from lateral spaces and words preceded by luxurious. A world of eye-slappingly bright white walls, everything edged with sharp chrome, every surface boasting tasteful displays of orchids that might have been plastic if plastic orchids were declared fashionable by an appropriate focus group. More lion-eating carpets. You could murder someone on those carpets with a chainsaw and not have to worry about the blood dripping on your downstairs neighbour and spoiling a dinner party. Which I find blood dripping from the ceiling always does. Every now and then they’d break up the endless polar white with a slab of black, an altar expanse of sacrificial granite worktop in the kitchen, a black (black!) toilet just like they have in merry Hell, and for some reason above the bed, a big slab of garish murder red splash back. Really, it was all very American Psycho.

Anyways, so many well-greased lies flew out of mouth (one of which wasn’t my phone number) meant that for weeks afterwards she kept calling me about my decision. In the end I told her it was a bit on the small side, and as a man I know how deflating that can be. You could hear her collapse inside and she scrunched up into a ball of a disappointment as her commision evaporated in a sudden puff of despondency. I broke her heart. Or she toppled off her heels and was falling evermore towards the carpet.

Thing was, it wasn’t actually that big. For £3.5 million I'd want to be able to drive a big car around my living room. And my balcony didn’t cost that much and rather than look at vagrants pissing up the back-end of the Tate Gallery I can watch gambolling squirrels pissing on my garage roof.

The best bit was when we were discussing my ‘summer house’ and she asked if it was in France. Yes, I nodded, it’s in France and we like to get away from the city, you know how it is, the city is so stiflingly busy in the summer. I had to do this while my wife kicked me once in the shin for each and every lie I gift wrapped and handed over. I do have a summer house, but it’s really just a small shed with a porch and it's at the top of my garden, oh about twenty five metres from my back door.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #910 on: 12 September, 2015, 04:34:24 am »
ian, you are a Very Bad Man Indeed and should warn people not to read Stuffs like that while eating.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Dibdib

  • Fat'n'slow
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #911 on: 12 September, 2015, 09:37:03 am »
The dial on my toaster is currently set just so that the first round, when the toaster is cold, leaves the toast slightly under-done but that the second round is marginally burnt.

That's my day ruined, then. I can't shouldn't have to live like this.

Andrij

  • Андрій
  • Ερασιτεχνικός μισάνθρωπος
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #912 on: 12 September, 2015, 09:51:09 am »
I feel your pain.

The PEEL HERE bit of the packaging on my smoked salmon slices didn't work and I had to use scissors to open it.  It nearly put me off my breakfast.

It's hardships like these that make you wonder if life is really worth all the anguish.
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #913 on: 12 September, 2015, 11:48:38 am »
Amazon have had a technical issue which means my Lovefilm account hasn't been updated and the disc of series 5 of Grey's Anatomy which should have arrived on Thursday hasn't been despatched yet.
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #914 on: 13 September, 2015, 06:02:01 pm »
Not only do I have the same room as last year - south-facing so it gets screamingly hot and the interstate is a stone's throw away - but they STILL haven't fixed the power socket next to the desk, so I have to run an extension lead across the room.  And then the housekeeping staff unplug it to hoover the place, which makes my laptop go "wibble".

AND I've just been loomed over by a mad Dutchman with a torque wrench :o
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

menthel

  • Jim is my real, actual name
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #915 on: 13 September, 2015, 06:51:06 pm »
I am having trouble operating the automatic self park function on our new car.

PaulF

  • "World's Scariest Barman"
  • It's only impossible if you stop to think about it
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #916 on: 13 September, 2015, 10:26:19 pm »
All of the above makes my afternoon of having to drive into another county to get a new string for my son's cello seem trivial

Torslanda

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Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #917 on: 14 September, 2015, 09:19:36 am »
Not only do I have the same room as last year - south-facing so it gets screamingly hot and the interstate is a stone's throw away - but they STILL haven't fixed the power socket next to the desk, so I have to run an extension lead across the room.  And then the housekeeping staff unplug it to hoover the place, which makes my laptop go "wibble".

AND I've just been loomed over by a mad Dutchman with a torque wrench :o

I really want to go to Battle Mountain some time.

Are all Dutchmen with torque wrenches mad?
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #918 on: 14 September, 2015, 10:17:57 am »
Not only do I have the same room as last year - south-facing so it gets screamingly hot and the interstate is a stone's throw away - but they STILL haven't fixed the power socket next to the desk, so I have to run an extension lead across the room.  And then the housekeeping staff unplug it to hoover the place, which makes my laptop go "wibble".

AND I've just been loomed over by a mad Dutchman with a torque wrench :o

Ah - that was a night to remember in Rotterdam....
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

Green Party Councillor

Vince

  • Can't climb; won't climb
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #919 on: 14 September, 2015, 11:37:31 am »
Not only do I have the same room as last year - south-facing so it gets screamingly hot and the interstate is a stone's throw away - but they STILL haven't fixed the power socket next to the desk, so I have to run an extension lead across the room.  And then the housekeeping staff unplug it to hoover the place, which makes my laptop go "wibble".

AND I've just been loomed over by a mad Dutchman with a torque wrench :o

Ah - that was a night to remember in Rotterdam....
The Ski Hut?
216km from Marsh Gibbon

Charlotte

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Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #920 on: 14 September, 2015, 04:07:21 pm »
I don't like our new washing up liquid.

Commercial, Editorial and PR Photographer - www.charlottebarnes.co.uk

ian

Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #921 on: 14 September, 2015, 04:11:29 pm »
Indeed. On a similar theme, there was more  deep shower trauma this morning. No licorice shower gel left, only enough mango for a single wash and even boys need two so I had to use the cherry and nettle which isn't nearly my favourite.

Fortunately there's another bottle of licorice in the cupboard so hopefully tomorrow morning won't be quite so traumatic. We're fortunate that we have someone to talk to these issues about. I hate to think what happens if you bottle it up inside.

Dibdib

  • Fat'n'slow
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #922 on: 14 September, 2015, 05:55:04 pm »
It's pretty chilly out there. I don't fancy walking to yoga, I don't want to cycle because it's at the top of a hill, and I can't drive because it's residents only parking.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #923 on: 14 September, 2015, 06:02:00 pm »
I don't like our new washing up liquid.


I should think not! Dragonfruit? Pah! Even Idris didn't eat fruit!
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

mattc

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Re: First-World Problems.
« Reply #924 on: 14 September, 2015, 07:01:06 pm »
Indeed. On a similar theme, there was more  deep shower trauma this morning. No licorice shower gel left, only enough mango for a single wash and even boys need two so I had to use the cherry and nettle which isn't nearly my favourite.

Fortunately there's another bottle of licorice in the cupboard so hopefully tomorrow morning won't be quite so traumatic. We're fortunate that we have someone to talk to these issues about. I hate to think what happens if you bottle it up inside.
You'd get bubbles in your farts.
Has never ridden RAAM
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No.11  Because of the great host of those who dislike the least appearance of "swank " when they travel the roads and lanes. - From Kuklos' 39 Articles