Author Topic: Overheard today (Read 121466 times)

Basil · « **Reply #200 on:** 18 September, 2015, 12:08:35 pm »

Not overheard by me, but by a colleague, who swears she heard the following announcement at Mordor Central this week.
"The (time) service to Longbridge has been cancelled. This is due to the unusually high number of passengers"

DDCyclist · « **Reply #201 on:** 31 October, 2015, 02:44:15 pm »

Overheard at a recent funeral.

The deceased was being buried/cremated/whatever in a wicker coffin. A little old lady was singing the praises of the environmentally friendl(ier) choice.

"I really like them. You'll be able to breathe in them."

DDCyclist · « **Reply #202 on:** 31 October, 2015, 02:47:26 pm »

Overheard at a food fair.

"I like Turkish Delight. Not the stuff you get in sweet shops. I mean the proper Turkish Delight - just like they make in Egypt ..."

DDCyclist · « **Reply #203 on:** 31 October, 2015, 03:03:59 pm »

Overheard (many years ago) in the Milton Keynes branch of Early Learning.

A resounding slap behind me, followed by "I've told you not to f***ing swear like that!"

I turned round to see a lad of about 8 holding the side of his head.

DDCyclist · « **Reply #204 on:** 31 October, 2015, 03:10:52 pm »

In a supermarket (many years ago) I overheard a mum send one of her ~~minions~~ ~~helpers~~ children to pick out some peppers at the distant end of the fruit and veg aisle. Off he went to do his chore, then (shouting the full length of the aisle) "Mum, do you want red ones, green ones or yellow ones?"

The response - shouting the full length of the aisle - "I've told you not to shout like that in the supermarket."

scott · « **Reply #205 on:** 02 November, 2015, 03:04:04 pm »

Best line overheard on Halloween: "My teeth fell on the ground!"

T42 · « **Reply #206 on:** 04 November, 2015, 03:39:25 pm »

Not today but years & years ago: the missus accidentally looking at a photo in the paper:

"Wow, look at the size of the Oxford mens' cox!"

'Twas Boat Race week.

Polar Bear · « **Reply #207 on:** 05 November, 2015, 08:59:48 am »

On the bus last night I wa sitting in front of two women talking:

Woman 1: Sophie and James are going to buy their first house.

Woman 2: My nephew is trying to buy but he can't get a big enough mortgage.

Woman 1: Sophie got a 105% mortgage.

Woman 2: Where from?

Woman 1: I don't know but I'll text her and ask.

Scary isn't it that we're already back to mortgages for more than the perceived value of the property that they are secured against?

Oh, the SEARCH function works brill again.

Giraffe · « **Reply #208 on:** 05 November, 2015, 10:50:09 am »

On bus yesterday, the local fount of all knowledge was being his usual generous self, asserting that argon gas from the ground is in the houses and it could cause cancer.
The detector that I used was for radon - should I be worried?

Canardly · « **Reply #209 on:** 05 November, 2015, 01:25:19 pm »

Radon is the one to be aware of as far as I know, and this (for practical purposes), only in certain parts of the country. Your local building control office should be able to advise.

http://www.ukradon.org/information/ukmaps

Giraffe · « **Reply #210 on:** 06 November, 2015, 06:01:50 pm »

Thanks for the link, but I had the test kit some years ago and it was significant but not too high with some ventilation.
After 49 years in this house I'm probably past caring!

clarion · « **Reply #211 on:** 09 November, 2015, 01:12:44 pm »

Two young lads in Guildford:

'...and then the canapes are never out before five thirty....'

Basil · « **Reply #212 on:** 26 November, 2015, 02:56:57 pm »

In Morrison’s at lunch time.

“He sent me a bookit”

“Eh? A bucket?”

“No. A bookit. A bookit of flowers”

“He sent you a bucket of flowers??!!”

“No. Flowers!!!”

(Works better with a strong Brummie accent)

mrcharly-YHT · « **Reply #213 on:** 26 November, 2015, 04:15:38 pm »

Conversation between two of my (bus) travelling companions*:

"We'll be home soon. I keep calling it that, I guess it is home for now."

"Don't be soft. I'm been in for 14 years and I've never once called it that."

(*inmates from a women's open prison, on their way to day release work)

Kim · « **Reply #214 on:** 26 November, 2015, 06:31:30 pm »

"Oh, that's clever! You can ride your bike without going anywhere!"

barakta · « **Reply #215 on:** 27 November, 2015, 11:46:25 am »

*giggles at Basil*

Jakob W · « **Reply #216 on:** 12 December, 2015, 08:36:24 pm »

From a child on the train: "I wouldn't want to be that Harry Potter - Voldemort on his case all the time..."

nikki · « **Reply #217 on:** 12 December, 2015, 10:27:10 pm »

Him: ...on the...
Her: squishy bit?
Him: on the really squishy bit

Andrij · « **Reply #218 on:** 14 December, 2015, 10:14:57 am »

From TimeOut's Overheard in London: this week’s #wordonthestreet

Quote

I never leave Walthamstow. It's like a posh prison.

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #219 on:** 14 December, 2015, 11:20:10 am »

Quote from: nikki on 12 December, 2015, 10:27:10 pm

Him: ...on the...
Her: squishy bit?
Him: on the really squishy bit

If you actually overheard that on the 12th, I want to know where! Warmley cafe?

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #220 on:** 14 December, 2015, 06:45:19 pm »

Quote from: Andrij on 14 December, 2015, 10:14:57 am

From TimeOut's Overheard in London: this week’s #wordonthestreet
Quote
I never leave Walthamstow. It's like a posh prison.

That ^^^^ is wrong on so many levels.

nikki · « **Reply #221 on:** 14 December, 2015, 10:34:07 pm »

Quote from: Cudzoziemiec on 14 December, 2015, 11:20:10 am

Quote from: nikki on 12 December, 2015, 10:27:10 pm

Him: ...on the...
Her: squishy bit?
Him: on the really squishy bit
If you actually overheard that on the 12th, I want to know where! Warmley cafe?

Nah, it was a belated remembering of walking back through Clifton the night before.

Wowbagger · « **Reply #222 on:** 14 December, 2015, 10:35:19 pm »

Quote from: nikki on 14 December, 2015, 10:34:07 pm

Quote from: Cudzoziemiec on 14 December, 2015, 11:20:10 am
Quote from: nikki on 12 December, 2015, 10:27:10 pm

Him: ...on the...
Her: squishy bit?
Him: on the really squishy bit
If you actually overheard that on the 12th, I want to know where! Warmley cafe?

Nah, it was a belated remembering of walking back through Clifton the night before.

For a moment I wondered whether it was from an adjacent tent.

Basil · « **Reply #223 on:** 13 January, 2016, 06:24:19 pm »

"Yeah, he converted from Christian to Roman Catholic"

SteveC · « **Reply #224 on:** 13 January, 2016, 06:47:53 pm »

Quote from: Basil on 13 January, 2016, 06:24:19 pm

"Yeah, he converted from Christian to Roman Catholic"

I know of evangelicals who don't consider Catholics to be Christians.