the food rant thread

[Kim]

When's the last time you heard anyone say "Let's go out for a German" ?
Hmmmm?

Does "...or you can get an expensive sausage at the Christmas Sodding Market." count?  Because that's a standard^[1] part of Mordorian food emporia discussions from November onwards.


_{[1] Although not as standard as the debate about how to reach your desired emporium from, say, Mordor Central without having to go through the Christmas Sodding Market.}

[Cudzoziemiec]

even in the leafy jungles of Surrey you'll find Indian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, Korean etc. without too much effort, but rarely Carribean.

Of course, the version of those cuisines you find on the UK high street is very much an anglicised hybrid.

Caribbean cooking is itself a hybrid of many different cultural influences with no coherent lineage, which might be part of the reason it hasn’t established a mainstream presence over here. But I’m just guessing.

Indian cooking is also a hybrid (here. And in India too.) In fact it's probably one of the influences on Caribbean cooking in some places (Trinidad).

You might also ask why we have so many French and Italian restaurants but very few German ones - considering the German heritage of our royal family for the last 300 years, you’d think they might have had more of a cultural influence.

Might be the "Don't mention the war!" factor. Or this idea we have that Germans are boring and mechanical.

[fuzzy]

I am An Heathen as far as eating out goes. TGI Friday? Check. Nando's? Check. Planet Hollywood? Check. Mel's Diner? Check Noodle Bar? Check. Wimpy? Check McDonalds? Check, KFC? Check. Levi Roots (Stratford)? Check. Bills? Check. Harvester? Check. Toby Jug? Check. Tom Kerridges Hand and Flowers? Check. Pizza Hut? Check. Zizzi? Check. Loads more.

I have had some quite edible food in some of the crap chain restraunt/ gastropubbe places. I have eaten some crap in places that should know better.

I think after 6 years of COMPO rations contaminated with Salisbury Plain/ Otterburn sheep and cattle shit and 26 years of full rotating shift grabbing a kebab/ pizza/ pasty/ whatever between punch ups, stabbings, shootings, fatal road traffic accidents, suicides, beligerant puking shitting drunks, over Pimmsed Royal Ascot/ Henley Reggata goers and off their tits on whatever they could snort/ smoke/ inject festival lovers, my innards are fairly hardened.

[T42]

You might also ask why we have so many French and Italian restaurants but very few German ones - considering the German heritage of our royal family for the last 300 years, you’d think they might have had more of a cultural influence.

Might be the "Don't mention the war!" factor. Or this idea we have that Germans are boring and mechanical.

Potentially getting a bin through your front window every time some hack invokes the spirit of 1943 in the Daily Heil is maybe a disincentive.

[citoyen]

We have Herman ze German!

Niche reference. There was one of those near where I used to work (Goodge Street) but they’re not exactly widespread.

[ian]

I misread that as Nietzsche reference and just spent 22 seconds wondering whether there really was a nihilistic German sausage flinger for the entire chain to be based on.

My German pal loves them, though he lives in KL these days, so I expect he's not getting much currywurst. That said, there's a fair amount of German food and drink to be had in Hong Kong.

I'm impressed by Fuzzy's culinary adventures. To be fair, the only meal 'out' I had before I was 16 was in Wimpy, once a year during Christmas shopping 'down Nottingham' my mum would take us to the Wimpy on the upper deck of the Broadmarsh Centre (which was pretty grim back then). Unquantifiable happiness!

[Jaded]

It is closing.

[ElyDave]

I had German just before Christmas, sort of, a variation on eggs benedict using smoked bratwurst, very good it was too.

[citoyen]

I just looked up Herman ze German to see how many branches they have - just four across London and a mobile branch in Germany.

Looking at their website, I was also reminded of one of my favourite things about them (apart from the excellent sausages) - their slogan: "Our wurst is ze best"

Germans. Crap food and no sense of humour.

[T42]

My German pal loves them, though he lives in KL these days, so I expect he's not getting much currywurst.

Kaiserslautern?

[ian]

It is closing.

That's actually quite sad (though no surprise, the Broadmarsh Centre died several years ago). That Broadmarsh WImpy was the best bit of my childhood. After a day being dragged around the shops doing the annual Christmas shop by my mum we'd stumble into what, for me, was an entire new world where they bought exotic food like hamburgers right to you and there was no washing up and drying to be done. Wimpy was seriously the only external dining experience I had before I left home. I stepped it up then, for sure, with a Berni.

As teenagers, we'd go to Wimpy after perusing Selectadisc, Our Price, and HMV all afternoon. While daring each other to go in the "Private Shop" around the back of Broadmarsh Centre to buy a porno mag. Teenage boys, if you've got one, you can keep him.

My German pal loves them, though he lives in KL these days, so I expect he's not getting much currywurst.

Kaiserslautern?

Kuala Lumpur. They probably have currywurst in Kaiserslautern. Reminds of the time, back when I was doing my PhD, we had a little German fellow from there who came out on curry night for his first ever curry. Not to be held back by mere commonsense, he had some kind of vindaloo. He sweated like a bratwurst on a hot grill and the look of distress on his face was priceless. I'm guessing curries were not exactly hot in Germany.

[spesh]

You might also ask why we have so many French and Italian restaurants but very few German ones - considering the German heritage of our royal family for the last 300 years, you’d think they might have had more of a cultural influence.

Might be the "Don't mention the war!" factor. Or this idea we have that Germans are boring and mechanical.

Potentially getting a bin through your front window every time some hack invokes the spirit of 1943 in the Daily Heil is maybe a disincentive.

It was the First World War that didn't do much for the German presence on the high street in the first place - quite a lot of German-owned shops were trashed by mobs early on, probably provoked by propaganda about German war crimes committed during their advance through Belgium.

[citoyen]

It was the First World War that didn't do much for the German presence on the high street in the first place - quite a lot of German-owned shops were trashed by mobs early on

And of course lots of people changed their German-sounding names - eg Ford Hermann Hueffer became Ford Madox Ford, and then there was the Saxe-Coburg family...

[ian]

My granddad would have nothing to do with anything German. I doubt he ever met an actual German, he spent the war down a big hole. The Luftwaffe did try to bomb my gran though (leastways that's how she told it, I suspect that she wasn't a strategic target and they weren't moving a scale model of her around a board in a Berlin bunker, I think they were just dumping bombs after missing the actual target). All said though, dropping bombs on someone is generally not the key to ongoing amity.

Back to food adoption – I think it's something to do with easy identification and categorization. We all know what an Indian is (authenticity be damned), etc.

That said, I once made the mistake of having a Vietnamese in France. Good god, that was awful.

[T42]

That said, I once made the mistake of having a Vietnamese in France. Good god, that was awful.

Long time since and I've never had one anywhere else so I wouldn't know.  Our usual SE Asiatic is Thai. Looks suspiciously like everything else that comes in a bowl with chopsticks, other than Japanese.

Nicest memory I have of oriental eating was in a Chinese joint up the Chelsea Bridge Rd. end of Sloane St.  Nothing to do with the quality of the food: I watched an urbane gent two tables away explain chopsticks to the three young things sharing the table with him.  A while later I looked back again and there was a ball of something like sweet & sour pork floating in his whisky.

[ian]

It was that urge to French-ify ethnic food – I thought Vietnam would be a safe bet, considering. But no, lack of spice, heavy sauce (I'm sure they reached for the butter). It was some time ago, maybe things have improved (but not according to my Toulouse-based colleague).

You can get really good French food in Vietnam though (and the wine, to my limited palette at least, was also quite good), so there's a point for colonialism.

[citoyen]

My experience of Indian food in France is similar. I wouldn't go so far as to say it was awful, just weird. And yes, definitely lots of butter (actual butter as opposed to ghee) involved.

When I lived in Bordeaux, the best and most widely available 'ethnic' food was North African.

[ian]

Actually, I often go to a Mexican place in Paris which, well, isn't Mexican as you'd recognise but really is quite nice. Frexican, I'm calling it.

[Mr Larrington]

Kuala Lumpur. They probably have currywurst in Kaiserslautern. Reminds of the time, back when I was doing my PhD, we had a little German fellow from there who came out on curry night for his first ever curry. Not to be held back by mere commonsense, he had some kind of vindaloo. He sweated like a bratwurst on a hot grill and the look of distress on his face was priceless. I'm guessing curries were not exactly hot in Germany.

Got taken to an Indian restaurant in Germany by the in-laws once and it wasn't much different to the standard-issue BRITISH equivalent, even down to the red flock wallpaper.

[Torslanda]

I am An Heathen as far as eating out goes. TGI Friday? Check. Nando's? Check. Planet Hollywood? Check. Mel's Diner? Check Noodle Bar? Check. Wimpy? Check McDonalds? Check, KFC? Check. Levi Roots (Stratford)? Check. Bills? Check. Harvester? Check. Toby Jug? Check. Tom Kerridges Hand and Flowers? Check. Pizza Hut? Check. Zizzi? Check. Loads more.

I have had some quite edible food in some of the crap chain restraunt/ gastropubbe places. I have eaten some crap in places that should know better.

I think after 6 years of COMPO rations contaminated with Salisbury Plain/ Otterburn sheep and cattle shit and 26 years of full rotating shift grabbing a kebab/ pizza/ pasty/ whatever between punch ups, stabbings, shootings, fatal road traffic accidents, suicides, beligerant puking shitting drunks, over Pimmsed Royal Ascot/ Henley Reggata goers and off their tits on whatever they could snort/ smoke/ inject festival lovers, my innards are fairly hardened.

All of which is the height of culinary excellence but you omitted to add Pot Noodle and Findus Crispy Pancakes...

[ian]

I ate two potato waffles yesterday and they were awesome not to mention waffly versatile.

[Cudzoziemiec]

I am An Heathen as far as eating out goes. TGI Friday? Check. Nando's? Check. Planet Hollywood? Check. Mel's Diner? Check Noodle Bar? Check. Wimpy? Check McDonalds? Check, KFC? Check. Levi Roots (Stratford)? Check. Bills? Check. Harvester? Check. Toby Jug? Check. Tom Kerridges Hand and Flowers? Check. Pizza Hut? Check. Zizzi? Check. Loads more.

I have had some quite edible food in some of the crap chain restraunt/ gastropubbe places. I have eaten some crap in places that should know better.

I think after 6 years of COMPO rations contaminated with Salisbury Plain/ Otterburn sheep and cattle shit and 26 years of full rotating shift grabbing a kebab/ pizza/ pasty/ whatever between punch ups, stabbings, shootings, fatal road traffic accidents, suicides, beligerant puking shitting drunks, over Pimmsed Royal Ascot/ Henley Reggata goers and off their tits on whatever they could snort/ smoke/ inject festival lovers, my innards are fairly hardened.

All of which is the height of culinary excellence but you omitted to add Pot Noodle and Findus Crispy Pancakes...

Pot noodles, just like crisps, have gone posh. You've seen the umpty different hi-cuisine Japanese impostors?

[ian]

There's a pot noodle museum in Yokohama and they have a magic machine that makes your own custom pot noodle.

ETA: I should say this process is enlivened by the instructions and selections being in Japanese.

[Torslanda]

OMD! Is nothing sacred . . . ?   

[Torslanda]

Need to fess up. I'm not a Pot Noodle person, really.

I have a dirty little secret. When I get it together sufficiently I get THESE but from Costco, for half the money.

They might be the condensed output of a Canadian chemical plant but they are absolutely delicious. Especially when enhanced by a great slug of Blue Dragon sweet chilli sauce, which is probably the only way to achieve a taste experience. None of the flour/stodge consistency of the 'slag of all snacks' and the distinct advantage that you can overfill the tub with about 500ml of boiling water, put the lid back on and eat something warm and satisfying up to 40 minutes later - although it's sometimes a bit of a task to manage the noodles as well...