Stupid questions

[Tourist Tony]

It was one of those nights as I left work. What a sequence:
Mackem: Where de ah gan now?
Me: Where are you going?
Mackem: On holiday.
Me: yes, but where are you actually going?
Mackem: Ah telt ye, on holiday
Me: Different places go from different gates. Where are you going to?
Mackem: Ah ****** telt ye, ah'm gannin on holiday! Are ye ****** deaf or stupid?
Me: Good night then.

Twenty yards further:
Poison dwarf Scot: Where's the pick up?
Me: Pick up for what?
PDS: The ******** hire cars ye daft thick ****
Me: Would you like to be nicked ? I suggest you go away now and calm down


...and five yards further:
Genteel elderly lady: Excuse me sir, but could you tell us where we are?
Me: Er....Gatwick.....
GEL: Oh. I thought so, but we are meant to meet a taxi driver somewhere and we've never been here before
Me: [anger evaporated by lovely old lady's courtesy][detailed directions]
GEL: Oh thank you so much. That other chap was frightfully rude, wasn't he?


I always try and work out how many arseholes one nice person cancels out. It runs at about twenty.

[Jon P]

This is worthy of the "Thick Passenger Comments" thread.  I'd always wondered why there were signs saying "Any intimidation of our staff will be taken very seriously" - eh, why would anyone do that?  Now I get the picture.

[spesh]

Perhaps the signs should be amended to say:

"Please do not abuse the staff as being taken away for a full body cavity search with extreme prejudice often offends."

[alecstilleyedye]

how about "our staff are trained to deal with cantankerous arseholes, but prefer not to. please deal with them accordingly."

[nuttycyclist]

The stupid question should be "what should this thread really be called?"   

[Greenbank]

I always though that e^-iπ+1=0 was always a stuid equation.

[blackpuddinonnabike]

The stupid question should be "what should this thread really be called?"   

Or, "How do you spell 'question'?" 

[Tourist Tony]

The stupid question should be "what should this thread really be called?"   

Or, "How do you spell 'question'?" 

Git

[Gus]

I think I need to use Gatwick next time I'm in London 

and just walk around speaking in tongues about Tourist Tony 

[David Martin]

I think I need to use Gatwick next time I'm in London 

and just walk around speaking in tongues about Tourist Tony 

Be warned - he speaks many variations of foreign.

Even Welsh.

..d

[Tourist Tony]

I think I need to use Gatwick next time I'm in London 

and just walk around speaking in tongues about Tourist Tony 

Jeg vil vaere i Danmark.......

[rogerzilla]

The most stupid airport-related question has to be the one asked on a US immigration form about whether you're entering the country to overthrow the government.

I wonder how many people tick "yes" for a laugh, then, five hours of rubber glove work later, decide it was a bad idea.

[delthebike]

The most stupid airport-related question has to be the one asked on a US immigration form about whether you're entering the country to overthrow the government.

I wonder how many people tick "yes" for a laugh, then, five hours of rubber glove work later, decide it was a bad idea.

About the same number, who fed up with the queueing or just joking, say they have a bomb in their luggage.

[PaulF]

The most stupid airport-related question has to be the one asked on a US immigration form about whether you're entering the country to overthrow the government.

I wonder how many people tick "yes" for a laugh, then, five hours of rubber glove work later, decide it was a bad idea.

Like my sig: "Experience is what you get just after you need it"

[Greenbank]

The most stupid airport-related question has to be the one asked on a US immigration form about whether you're entering the country to overthrow the government.

I wonder how many people tick "yes" for a laugh, then, five hours of rubber glove work later, decide it was a bad idea.

It was very very hard to keep a straight face when I was asked those questions in person inside the American Embassy in London. One thing that helped was having a Marine stand right behind me holding an M16.