First of all, thanks for all of the help ad support I have had for the OYTT.
I appreciate the comments and thoughts that I haven't let anyone down, but the truth is, that I feel like I have. Us humans are daft like that, I guess.
I am very pleased that I have encouraged a lot of people with their cycling.
I have a lot to say about why it didn't work but won't go into all of that now because it would take a very long time.
The short answer that circumstances right from the start conspired against me. Add to that I was going into unknown territory and had nothing more to go on than Tommy Godwins' mileages, then it's no great surprise that not everything turned out as planned when plans were made on so little knowledge.
I think I have learned a lot, but there are still a lot of unasnswered questons. Still a lot to learn about the HAMR and I think it will be very many attempts over the course of decades before anyone even comes close to a good way of doing it the best way, let alone the best way possible.
My next move is to take time out to recover. No more riding, except for shopping trips and maybe the odd easy cafe ride to get me out of my home and in the fresh air.
I do feel bad about stopping. Very much how I felt after failing my first LEL. I still think I am capable, but just like on my first LEL, circumstances conspired against me.
I do feel like I gave it my best in the circumstance, but I never was at anywhere near my best, which again, I put mostly down to circumstances. I also think that I pushed it as far as possible without going too far. In my head I knew it was right for me to stop, but I was (and still am) unwilling to admit it to myself. I think this is inevitable in the mentality of anyone who would attempt something like this.
How can I give it my best when I'm not at my best nor can see how I can become my best without jeopordising the whole attempt?
My team and I tried everything to make it work. Hoppo and Idai explored every avenue to speed up my recovery to help me get faster, but after all is said and done, I never had enough speed to gain enough recovery time while meeting the mileages needed.
I may have only just been successful on the first attempt without the moped incident, but it is unlikely that I would have got the record by any significant margin. Though it must be said, that this is one of the many unknowns.
Lessons have been learnt and more questions have been opened, but I do have some ideas about their answers.
So, what now?
Rest and recover.
Then start riding my bike for fun. Some light touring, rides to cafes, and hopefully some camping trips etc. May even organise a few YACF jollies.
Then I intend to see about doing some proper training, possibly getting a coach, or at least some expert advice and guidance to get me up to speed and do some time trialling etc as well as other fun rides. Having worked hard over the years and spent little has meant that I no longer need full time employment and can live off my savings for a while, maybe doing some casual work at leisure.
But for now, I am going to concentrate on doing positive things to keep my head in a good place. Get my home in some kind of order. Get my bikes up to top working order. Do stuff to make my life feel good, rather than mope around feeling sorry for myself. Just because I'm not happy about stopping doesn't mean I need to make it worse. Makes more sense to get off my arse and actively make myself happy. Also do some stretches (I sure have lost a lot of flexibility!) take baths and generally do things to make me feel good.
My team haven't abandoned me either. I will keep in touch with them and try to help them with their cycling and anything else I can, just as they have helped and are continuing to help me.
In time I'll be getting medical assessments and making sure that I am in good health.
I expect that the question on a lot of people's mind is, "Will there be another attempt?"
The answer to that is that I don't know.
Of course, I am showing my hand a little with my talk of getting myself fit.
At present, I am undecided. My feeling is that I very much want to have another go. Everything is pretty much in place, lessons have been learnt and another start will be much easier, which means I could start in good fitness.
However, this is something that cannot be taken on lightly and at a whim. I am making no promise of another attempt. At present, I could well be thinking with my head not in the best place to make these kind of serious commitments.
So at present, I will take time out, get myself together and step away from it all. Take it one step at a time and see where I end up.
I will only make another attempt if I am 100% willing to make that kind of commitment and to do that I have to walk away, look at it from the outside and really want to do it again.
So from now on, it's just one step at a time and see where I end up.
I do have a lot of things to do in my "rest" time.
A cheap winter sun break seems very tempting and if I find myself in another country with new roads to explore, it would be against my nature to not have a bicycle at hand to do some exploring...