the food rant thread

[ian]

I like courgettes – as the Hamster says, if they're watery, you're cooking them too long. They benefit from a bit of char, the secret is to cut them thin, then cook them hot and quick.

The exception that proves the rule is courgette sauce for pasta. It probably has a clever Italian name, like courgettolesco or something. Heat lots of olive oil and lightly fry a few halved cloves of garlic for a few minutes then discard the garlic, then add several cubed or thickly sliced courgette to the hot oil, a good sprinkle of salt, and cook slowly with occasional stirring over a low heat for 20-30 minutes until they've reduced down to an even thick sauce-like consistency, then stir through a good dose of parmesan and a ladle of pasta water. Serve with hot pasta and that's that, one of those marvellously simple meals that's hard to better.

It'll also get rid of all your courgettes.

[andrewc]

If you feed them to pigs they'll miraculously turn into bacon......  (can't remember if Basil is a carnivore or not.  Too long since I've seen him    )

[Basil]

If you feed them to pigs they'll miraculously turn into bacon......  (can't remember if Basil is a carnivore or not.  Too long since I've seen him    )

Brilliant!   

[ian]

I never really understood them raw in salads, they're just pointless. Only bother if you've griddled or grilled them till smoky. I did once quick pickle them (soak in hot vinegar, sugar and salt and let cool) but really, just get pickles out of a jar, it's quicker and they're better.

Also, courgettes are only good when they are little, once they get big, it's the law of diminishing returns. Sometimes small stature isn't a disappointment, but gents, if you're brandishing a courgette in the bedroom, I suspect your returns will definitely be diminishing.

Mmmm, pickles. Jar-based awesome. I eat at least one industrial jar of pickled cucumbers every week. Then I drink the juice, like I'm some kind of dramatically off-kilter vampire.

[Jurek]

I never really understood them raw in salads, they're just pointless. Only bother if you've griddled or grilled them till smoky. I did once quick pickle them (soak in hot vinegar, sugar and salt and let cool) but really, just get pickles out of a jar, it's quicker and they're better.

Also, courgettes are only good when they are little, once they get big, it's the law of diminishing returns. Sometimes small stature isn't a disappointment, but gents, if you're brandishing a courgette in the bedroom, I suspect your returns will definitely be diminishing.

Mmmm, pickles. Jar-based awesome. I eat at least one industrial jar of pickled cucumbers every week. Then I drink the juice, like I'm some kind of dramatically off-kilter vampire.

You should put that into Bloody Marys.

[ian]

Pickle-backs. I drank a lot of those in Nashville the other year. Things got hazy after that. There was a bar with a tree in it, definitely.

I suspect the amorous proffering any sizable cucurbit to a woman called Mary (or otherwise) would end in bloodshed.

[hellymedic]

Well there's courgette cake. I don't have a recipe but I have eaten it and it is... cake. And surely there must be courgette wine.

Surely you need sugar or starch to ferment to make a wine and courgettes have little of these?

[Jaded]

Courgettes!
I will never, ever grow them again.  I'm sick to death of them. Courgettes with everything and we still can't keep up with the cropping.

Also,

Courgettes
How the fuck do you make them taste of anything other than water?
Add salt and they taste of sea water.
Cut into disks, coat with paprika and fry and they taste of water.
A ratatouille would be greatly improved by their omission.

OK.

Set the oven to 180 degrees
Slice the courgettes finely
Arrange the slices neatly in tight overlapping circles
Sprinkle with paprika and smoked garlic dust
Pop the pizza in the oven for 9 minutes and throw the courgettes in the bin.

[rafletcher]

I've been using grated courgette as a nice veggie thickener for "bolognese" sauce.

[Mrs Pingu]

Courgette & lime cake is amazing
https://blogs.warwick.ac.uk/hcha/entry/the_baking_of/

[T42]

I have enjoyed courgettes in the past, 'disgorged' of their water à la Lizzie David, i.e. by slicing thinly, salting and pressing under a heavy weight, e.g. the hardback edition of French Provincial Cooking by Elizabeth David. Sautéed in butter with the usual garlic & onion they are then almost palatable.   When MrsT cooks them she has no time for this and "people eat too much salt anyway", meaning me, so she slices them thickly and cooks them without benefit of clergy. As a result I now despise the bloody things and never eat them.

Cook them myself? For an "almost palatable", why bother?

[ian]

If there's one thing I've learned about cooking is that people are scared by oil, salt, and heat. A decent courgette sauce takes a cup of olive oil, you're sautéing off all the water and not simply stewing the bloody things in their own juices.

Basically, whatever you do, you need to cook off all the water. They're OK on pizza if sliced very finely so they go crisp, but really, if you're going to do that, try potato.

I confess my ongoing antipathy to aubergines though. I've never managed to make a ratatouille worth bothering with.

[Legs]

Slice your aubergines and toss them in salt, cayenne pepper, ground cumin, a little turmeric and stacks of black pepper, sauté in shitloads of veg oil and serve with naan bread or alongside your fave curry...

[rafletcher]

If there's one thing I've learned about cooking is that people are scared by oil, salt, and heat. A decent courgette sauce takes a cup of olive oil, you're sautéing off all the water and not simply stewing the bloody things in their own juices.

Basically, whatever you do, you need to cook off all the water. They're OK on pizza if sliced very finely so they go crisp, but really, if you're going to do that, try potato.

I confess my ongoing antipathy to aubergines though. I've never managed to make a ratatouille worth bothering with.

I quite like aubergine in ratatouille, although I've only recently started to add them, and also as baba ganoush. But my favourite way with them is in caponata, or (one I haven't done at home), sliced finely with a "crinkle" grater, deep fried until crisp and served with (Greek) garlic dip - basically crushed garlic and breadcrumbs mixed to a paste.

I like aubergine in ratatouille, and baba

[citoyen]

The definitive recipe for courgette cake is Nigella's. It has loads of courgettes in it but doesn't taste of them in the slightest. It's mostly lemony.

'Courgetti' is a good low-carb alternative to spaghetti - though you need to invest in a spiraliser for this. Once spiralised, you flash fry it in a very hot pan with olive oil until it just starts to soften (but before it breaks down too much and all the liquid starts coming out). Works well with bolognese.

As for aubergines, there are so many wonderful possibilities. My absolute favourite thing to do with aubergines is make baba ghanoush.

Second favourite is involtini.

My wife invested in a copy of Chetna's healthy Indian cookbook recently - she was a semi-finalist in Bake-Off a few years ago. Loads of good stuff in it but our favourite so far is chana dal topped with spicy roasted aubergine. Seriously tasty.

Aubergines are also good on the barbecue - slice the aubergine lengthways very thinly, salt it to draw out some of the moisture, then use it to wrap up chunks of mozzarella and thyme and chuck on the barbecue for a few minutes on each side. Always popular.

[ian]

Nah, aubergines always cook down to a vaguely troubling mush not unlike what might transude from the vigorously shaken head of an imbecile or parliamentarian.

I do like saying baba ghanoush though, admittedly because it sounds a bit like it might be one the lesser lieutenants of Cthulhu.

[Mr Larrington]

I always though it was the followers of Baba Ganoush who used to write "Gouranga" on motorway bridges?

[Cudzoziemiec]

So the people who write "Helch" are the followers of... Squelch?

[citoyen]

I do like saying baba ghanoush though, admittedly because it sounds a bit like it might be one the lesser lieutenants of Cthulhu.

I've remembered another aubergine dish I love: Imam Bayaldi

Which also sounds like a Cthulhu character.

[Mr Larrington]

Imam Bayaldi was the chap who taught Abdul Alhazred everything he knew about tentacles, before founding a chain of bargain supermarkets.

[ian]

But I do so love his recipe book.

[spesh]

Imam Bayaldi was the chap who taught Abdul Alhazred everything he knew about tentacles, before founding a chain of bargain supermarkets.

But I do so love his recipe book.

Ah yes, The Necronomnomnomicon...

[spesh]

Anyway, Baba Ghanoush isn't a servant of the Elder Gods - she's actually Baba Yaga's vegan third cousin twice removed.

[Mr Larrington]

Things I didn't know until recently: Rudolf Hess was a vegan.

[Pingu]

Things I didn't know until recently: Rudolf Hess was a vegan.

Rant