G Imlach: | O hai! Teh 2nd moast funneh fing ur liekli 2 c on this yere's Tour ov France woz J Philipsen finkin' 'e'd pwned teh staeg yesterda! Teh moast funneh bein' me, TV's G Imlach, natch! 2da's buzzworm iz… TEH COBBULZ! Eleven (11) sekshns ov 'em. No climes @ all & teh snottysprint iz b4 TEH COBBULZ start. TEH COBBULZ! |
TP Kennaugh: | We haz TEH COBBULZ on teh Isle ov Man! We corls 'em… TEH COBBULZ!!!1! |
NC Boardman: | U ent got TEH COBBULZ liek theze 1s, u chirpy Manx idiot! |
TP Kennaugh: | A COBBULZ iz a COBBULZ, no? |
NC Boardman: | No. No, it iz not. TEH COBBULZ ov teh Flounderz, er, Flanderz iz eebil. So eebil that even mi Eebil Twin haz rispek! 4 them. |
EC Boardman: | Hahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Oh yes! Thare mi frendz LOL! Just a shaem it ent gonna rane… |
NC Boardman: | Ur a git, Evil me! |
EC Boardman: | Oh yes! Hahahahahaha! |
MC Nielsen: | 0 climes, u sa? O goodi! I can haz da off! |
G Imlach: | WV Aert? MVD Poel? Or sumwun we ent nevvah herd ov? |
NC Boardman: | WV Aert! 'e's on so much ov a role u cud slap sum Branston pikl on 'im & call 'im a… |
WWX Lackey [inna hollow voice]: | PLUGHMAN'S! |
Omnes: | Ba-dumm &, moreover, TISH! |
NC Boardman: | [Bows 2 audience] |
TP Kennaugh: | Doan geddit I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
G Imlach: | Apart from teh prolog we ent seed MVD Poel hardli @ all! |
Bethany (12): | Thare's a releef! |
G Imlach: | Ne-wa iz wurth resinin' from teh cabbinet just 2 viddy 2da's staeg LOL. NC Boardman iz 2 b teh next Monsta ov Transport! |
NC Boardman: | Not iffen it mene havin' 2 sit next 2 MN Dorries! |
G Imlach: | 2 teh colemantary Sheds! |
N Boulting: | Iz a grate privet hed… |
Omnes: | HATS!!1! HATS!!1! Both ov u! In naff baesball caps! Honissli, taek a look @ urselfs inna miror! |
SD Millar: | Iz 2 kepe teh rane off ov mi lovli hare iffen it ranes in 'ere agane! |
Omnes: | It ent gonna rane 2da tho, iz it! Wnkr! |
N Boulting: | Let us look @ teh parcours! I haz a map [indic8s map]. Here! MOAR twists & turnz than a maze ov twisty little passages! |
SD Millar: | Teh parcours look liek it woz drawed bi mi dorter, wot iz 6 (six)! Look, see! CP Sagan has b0rked hiz biek alredi! |
CP Sagan: | Now I shall Crazy mi wa bak 2 teh fethery bod ov teh pelican! |
Omnes: | U do kno that C Prudhomme ent waved 'is fleg yet, Crazy P? |
CP Sagan: | That ent gonna stop me! |
| […] |
SD Millar: | I predict teh fuchsia! Big fite 2 get in teh breakfroupfing! |
N Boulting: | J Vingegaard! Lookin' MOAR on it'n P Roglič! 4 previus pwners ov Paris-Roo-bay on teh raec. We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, CP Sagan! |
CP Sagan: | O hai! |
D Friebe: | U pwned Paris-Roo-Bay! Bigliest da ov ur career? |
CP Sagan: | No. I pwned teh Wurrrld Champs 3 (three) yeres runnin', rememba! |
D Friebe: | TEH COBBULZ! Trixi, danjerus? Wot sa u? |
CP Sagan: | We will c, but 4 sure will b CRAZY! |
D Friebe: | Sumtiems I h8 this job! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Even teh bieks r nervus 2da! They kepe brakin'! We ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai, C Froome! |
C Froome: | O hai! |
D Friebe: | Mani rid0rz not xpeerincd on TEH COBBULZ! Cause prombles? |
C Froome: | U gotta sta nere teh front or u loose ten (10) minits! Will b k-os! |
D Friebe: | Blimey! A strate rnsa! |
C Prudhomme: | [Waevs fleg] OK, u identicle matchin' tinz ov beenz, get lost! |
N Boulting: | Jockyin' 4 posishn! EH Boson! WTF iz MC Nielsen doin' up thare! |
MC Nielsen: | Assault attackin'! LOL! |
Omnes: | [Admiringly] U, u, u nutta, MC Nielsen! |
N Boulting: | MC Nielsen haz 11 (eleven) spottypoints! No-1 else haz eny! |
WV Aert: | Ahem… |
N Boulting: | I er, um, we ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Degenkolb & ur 70s pr0n-star tash mersifuli hiddn under a mask! |
J Degenkolb: | O hai! 4 sure TEH COBBULZ iz brilliant. Pwning Paris-Roo-Bay woz teh aces! & T Skujins agree wif me! |
N Boulting: | Mite teh breakfroupfing provied teh pwner 2da? |
SD Millar: | No. 2 short! |
N Boulting: | 2 TEFE Post rid0rz maek chaes! N Powless & Bethany's Da… R Urán! |
SD Millar: | Bethany's Da… R Urán not a fret on Gee-See th… er, I wish I ent sed that! |
Bethany (12): | Tiem 4 MOAR shitverts wile I cloo Super D in2 teh zeitgeist wif this bandsaw! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap we haz teh original 3 rid0rz off ov teh front, viz. EH Boson, MC Nielsen & TVD Hoorn; S Clarke, N Powless & A Gougeard maek chaes! Also, M Walscheid hav felled off ov hiz biek! Now u kno az much az we duz! |
M Walscheid: | Piss! That hurted! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Gouvenou! TEH COBBULZ? Pourquoi, hein? |
T Gouvenou: | Pour les roffles, mostli! & 2 cause TEH PEUR! |
EC Boardman: | Ahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! Oh yes! |
SD Millar: | He's rite, u kno! Iz part ov teh kulcha ov cycling, innit! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh 3 chaes0rz haz cort teh breakfroupfing & now we r six (6)! |
SD Millar: | 6 (six) iz teh perfick numba! |
N Boulting: | & N Powless iz in teh virtual shinyjumper! |
| […] |
Bethany (12): | U 2 plannin' on havin' a brake 4 refs 2da? Onli wif M Rendell still bein' a god in Niugini… |
N Boulting: | Er, we sent… |
D Friebe: | O hai, MVD Poel! |
MVD Poel: | O hai! 4 sure mi legses not so gud yet. Maybe 2da iz betta. We will c! |
D Friebe: | Grnk! |
N Boulting: | In rnser 2 ur kwestion, Bethany (12), yes. Yes, I iz off 2 nom teh délices de France! Bai! |
Bethany (12): | Yay! Iz betta'n dubble maffs! Look, see! TVD Hoorn haz pwned teh snottysprint! |
TVD Hoorn: | \o/ w00t! |
Bethany (12): | Crazy P nede spottypoints kwik, but 'e dint get 'em thare! F Jakobsen from WV Aert; C Laporte maek sure 2 rob points off ov CP Sagan! |
CP Sagan: | Arse! |
| […] |
Bethany (12): | SD Millar haz fckd off 4 din-dins! I's stuck wif chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh! Depe joi! |
TP Kennaugh: | O hai! |
Bethany (12): | TJ Visma! 2 (two) Gee-See contend0rz & WV Aert! We… |
D Friebe: | O hai, WV Aert! |
WV Aert: | O hai! 4 sure I will 2da tri 2 look afta J Vingegaard & P Roglič & pwn teh staeg! We will c wot hapns! |
Bethany (12): | J Vingegaard yesterda! Mistaek not 2 go wif WV Aert? |
TP Kennaugh: | Yes. No. Maybe. He orter ov been on WV Aert's weel, not A Yateses! |
Bethany (12): | T Ineo$! Niec C sed they mite disrupt fings 2da, & G Thomas hav bin kwite handi on Paris-Roo-Bay! Wot sa u, Tiny P? |
TP Kennaugh: | Yes. No. Maybe. I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
D Friebe: | O hai, G Thomas! |
G Thomas: | O hai! 4 sure iz a long wa 2 go 2da & ne-thing c'n hapn. We will c! |
D Friebe: | T Pogačar. No teme. Mite he b in trub 2da? |
G Thomas: | No. No, he will not. Becoz hiz legses r made ov dimondz! I wunt b surpriesd iffen he pwns teh staeg! |
D Friebe: | I resign! |
| […] |
Bethany (12): | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh breakfroupfing haz 3 and a 1/2 minits &… Chute! WV Aert hav felled off ov hiz biek! |
TP Kennaugh: | Onoz! Disasteros! Felled ova S Kruiswijk! TJ Visma in trubz0rz! |
Bethany (12): | Teh gr8 silibollox! |
WV Aert: | OK, S Kruiswijk, that woz ur folt! Toe me bak 2 teh safeti ov teh pelican's mitey beek & maek it snapi! |
S Kruiswijk: | Yeth, mathter! |
Bethany (12): | Look, see! WV Aert neerli rode in2 teh T DSM teme car! Consentrate, u tit! |
TP Kennaugh: | WV Aert nede 2 get bak kwik! |
EC Boardman: | Or fall off ov his biek agane roffle! Hahahahahaha! Oh yes! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap WV Aert iz bak in teh safeti ov teh pelican! OK, Bethany (12), u c'n go now! |
Bethany (12): | C'n I do it agane 2moz? Onli wif NC Boardman insted ov chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh? |
N Boulting: | We will c… |
Bethany (12): | C this shuvel? Iz orl urs iffen u sa "No"… |
SD Millar: | Haz she goned? |
Omnes: | Yes. U c'n come out now! |
N Boulting: | 5 km 2 TEH COBBULZ! |
SD Millar: | & teh breakfroupfing haz MOAR'n four (4) minits! But teh pelican hav speded up… |
N Boulting: | Look, see! TJ Visma flat-out liek hell maximum assault attack! |
SD Millar: | & TUAE Emirates haz disapered! T Pogačar on hiz tod! Cud b bad iffen he haz a promble wif hiz biek! |
N Boulting: | Breakfroupfing on TEH COBBULZ!!1! |
EC Boardman: | Bring it! |
N Boulting: | 20 km ov proppa rodes 4 teh breakfroupfing wile teh pelican iz… Chute! Sum stooge from TT NRG! |
SD Millar: | Woz CP Sagan! |
CP Sagan: | Oopsie! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! A Bettiol on teh front! 2 (two) teme-maets in teh breakfroupfing so he ent gonna push that hard! |
SD Millar: | J Bauer assault attack teh pelican now they's off ov TEH COBBULZ! |
| […] |
ML Maire: | Onoz! Cort up wif teh recordin' alredi! |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 hav hapnd! Xept that 3 (three) rid0rz r tryin' a braek ov thare own: J Bauer, M Pedersen &, er… |
Omnes: | Teh Invisible Man? |
N Boulting: | He must ov gotted cort wile I woz openin' anuvva botle… Look, see! J Bauer & M Pedersen hav guv up 2! |
Bethany (12): | Iffen *** dunt stop torkin' about TDQ Step & TA Fenix I's gonna steel hiz job insted ov M Rendell's! Teh temes hav chaenged spons0rz, dolt! |
N Boulting: | Chute! A Turgis! G Niv! I Erviti! & not on TEH COBBULZ eitha! |
T Gouvenou: | C! Dint I sa teh rid0rz c'n done teh chutes ne-ware? |
MC Nielsen: | TEH COBBULZ ent mntns but I's still gonna lede ova 'em LOL! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar still isol8d! WTF TUAE Emirates do? Look, see! TQSA Vinyl 2 teh front on TEH COBBULZ!!1! |
SD Millar: | Gap down 2 three (3) minits! |
N Boulting: | Pelican strung out! Orl sortsa rid0rz out ov posishn! Wowsa! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh pelican iz on teh next stretch ov TEH COBBULZ! |
SD Millar: | Pelican splat! Bit wif CP Sagan 45" second bhind; BO Connor anuvver 20" back from them! Yoicks! |
N Boulting: | Pelican on teh next COBBULZ, TJ Visma on teh front! BO Connor cort teh froup Sagan but still a minit bhind teh pelican! teh COBBULZ comin' thik'n'fast!. |
SD Millar: | Cud b teh weelz haz comed off ov BO Connor's Tour ov France! |
Omnes: | Chute! Comin' on2 TEH COBBULZ & u divs mist it! |
N Boulting: | BO Connor deffo in saem froup az CP Sagan but they's loosin' tiem 2 teh pelican! |
BO Connor: | Piss! |
SD Millar: | Dust! Wowsa! |
Omnes: | We's glad we dunt liev thare. U'd haveter kepe teh windos cloesd! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! MVD Poel hav xploded! |
Omnes: | Iz that teh "gr8" MVD Poel or jus' sumwun wif teh saem naem, ***? |
N Boulting: | I h8 u all! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap J Vingegaard neded a biek chaeng & robbed C Laporte's biek & then S Kruiswijk's biek b4 he gotted a new 1! |
SD Millar: | Staeg favoritz orl dropt! MVD Poel & WV Aert! Oh, no, he's watin' 4 J Vingegaard. |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar & teh T Ineo$ Gee-See contend0rz still in wot's left ov teh pelican! Menewile… chute! P Roglič? |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma got no-1 @ teh front ov teh pelican, & T Ineo$ onli got DV Baarle! |
N Boulting: | But T Pogačar iz still thare! Doin' MOAR dammij than in teh mntns! |
SD Millar: | P Roglič haz ended up bhind WV Aert & J Vingegaard |
N Boulting: | A Gougeard hav xploded! T Pogačar assault attack! |
SD Millar: | 1 (one) minit gap 2 breakfroupfing! |
N Boulting: | 25 km & 4 lots ov TEH COBBULZ still 2 go! Look, see! TA Catsick from noware! W Barguil… |
Bethany (12): | [Furious dance routine] |
N Boulting: | …& I Montoya N Quintana! |
SD Millar: | Evry-1 in teh 2nd froup lettin' WV Aert do teh wurk! |
EC Boardman: | LOL! |
N Boulting: | Vehicles out ov gap btwene WV Aert & T Pogačar froups! P Roglič 40" second bhind WV Aert froup! |
Omnes: | Iz it rong ov us 2 hoap MC Nielsen pwns teh staeg? |
TP Fairy: | O hai! O hai, MVD Poel! Stabbity-stab! |
MVD Poel: | FFS! |
N Boulting: | J Stuyven assault attack! T Pogačar go wif 'im! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar will wurk wif J Stuyven & then pwn 1: teh staeg & c) teh hole Tour ov France! I, TV's Super D Millar, decree it thus! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Dies horribilis 4 TJ Visma! That's lat. BTW! |
EC Boardman: | Ahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! Oh yes! |
SD Millar: | Onli 40" seconds btwene teh lead0rz & J Stuyven & T Pogačar! |
N Boulting: | 1 MOAR lot ov teh COBBULZ 2 go 4 teh lead0rz! |
SD Millar: | They c'n't afford 2 tit about! |
N Boulting: | Tiem gap! 30" seconds? 45" seconds? Sort it out u muppets! Y T Ineo$ not helpin' TJ Visma? |
SD Millar: | Thare silis? |
N Boulting: | Look, see! N Powless still in teh virtual shinyjumper! |
SD Millar: | MC Nielsen nede 2 go orl in 4 N Powless! Iffen they tit about EH Boson cud get teh shinyjumper insted! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert et cie hav cort teh next froup up teh rode but not T Pogačar! & MC Nielsen hav finali xploded chiz! |
SD Millar: | WV Aert nede 2 go orl out 2 kepe teh shinyjumper! |
N Boulting: | Radio Free Prudhomme sez J Haig haz goned hoam! 1st retiermnt &… Assault attack! N Powless in teh finle km! Oh. He haz bin cort! |
S Clarke: | \o/ w00t! |
SD Millar: | Now we haz 2 wate 2 c wetha WV Aert iz still in teh shinyjumper! |
| [Not much l8r] |
WV Aert: | Fck me siedwaze! I's still in shiny! Ent I? |
C Prudhomme: | Y, no! No, u r not! |
WV Aert: | U sure? |
C Prudhomme: | Oh. Yes. Yes, u r afta all. We found sum MOAR seconds unda teh frijj! |
J Vingegaard: | I xpekt that setle teh kwestion ov who's teh #1 Gee-See contenda on this teme, rite? |
P Roglič: | Piss! |
| […] |
G Imlach: | O hai, L Rowe! |
L Rowe: | O hai! No fkn ideer wot hapnd 2da! Dunno iffen it woz liek that 2 u, but we owe WV Aert a BEER 2nite! |
S Clarke: | Yeah, m8, not bad 4 a nold git who dint haz a contract six (6) months ago. M8. |
G Imlach: | So WV Aert duz indede haz teh shinyjumper bi 13" seconds ova teh rid0r wot teh French PA announça just corled "Nelson Pooless" & EH Boson iz 3rd. T Pogačar drop 2 4th, J Vingegaard iz 7th, T Ineo$ haz three (3) rid0rz in teh top 10 (ten) & P Roglič iz noware! |
NC Boardman: | T Pogačar lucki that evry-1 let TJ Visma do teh wurk! Iffen they'd ov shaerd it he'd be toste! |
G Imlach: | & we just herd that G Thomas also felled off ov his biek! |
Omnes: | U sound surpriesd, G Imlach… |
| […] |
D Friebe: | O hai, G Thomas! We here u felled off ov ur biek! |
G Thomas: | Well, a bit… J Haig felled off ov hiz biek & took me out. Then we chaes J Vingegaard! Full gas! |
D Friebe: | Saem crash az P Roglič? |
G Thomas: | No. No, it woz not. Lost sum tiem but 4 sure thare iz still a long wa 2 go & ne-thing c'n hapn! |
D Friebe: | O hai, A Yates! |
A Yates: | yehwentokgotfrooin1peeceerdintloosemuchtiemerpritihapier. yeh. |
D Friebe: | Nope. Not a cloo! |
G Imlach: | & 2moz we go 2 Beljium 4 teh longest staeg ov teh raec! |
EC Boardman: | Hahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Class! |
G Imlach: | Haz 2da ended P Roglič's raec? |
NC Boardman: | Yes. |
TP Kennaugh: | Yes. No. Maybe. I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |