Yet Another Cycling Forum

General Category => Freewheeling => Racing => Topic started by: Mr Larrington on July 06, 2019, 12:04:51 am

Title: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 06, 2019, 12:04:51 am
O hai!  By popular demand1 P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®'s Alternative Tour ov France Colemantary has its own thread this year.  Warning: may contain some, or more, of the following:
Attempts to discuss the race seriously in this thread with be treated with scorn, Bad Swears and a duffing-up from a surplus-to-requirements N Bouhanni.  Note that there may be occasional delays in transmission because gigs, the British Grand Prix and Parental Obligations.  We don't get paid for this, y'know.  Not even in kumquats.

1: May contain traces of Lie
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: TheLurker on July 06, 2019, 07:42:17 am
Oh huzzah! Twice, thrice huzzah!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 06, 2019, 07:52:51 am
Jolly good old chep!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Paul on July 06, 2019, 08:06:29 am
I’ve got the wine, baguettes, cheese and AED. I’m ready.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 06, 2019, 08:53:14 am
Yay!

By popular demand

1: May contain traces of Lie

Well, if my demand isn't popular, I don't know what is  ;)

But no, M. Kitteh, sadly.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 06, 2019, 11:22:00 am
O hai!  By popular demand1 P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®'s Alternative Tour ov France Colemantary has its own thread this year.  Warning: may contain some, or more, of the following:

<list of stuffs snipped for brevity>

Attempts to discuss the race seriously in this thread with be treated with scorn, Bad Swears and a duffing-up from a surplus-to-requirements N Bouhanni.  Note that there may be occasional delays in transmission because gigs, the British Grand Prix and Parental Obligations.  We don't get paid for this, y'know.  Not even in kumquats.

1: May contain traces of Lie

[FX: Happy crowd noises, throwing of hats, vuvuzelas etc.]
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 06, 2019, 11:22:49 am
Splendid I say, and MOAR over spiffing.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: citoyen on July 06, 2019, 02:12:05 pm
But no, M. Kitteh, sadly.

No Nice C Boardmen either.  :(

With a few big names either fading or injured, and me not having watched much pro racing this year, I don't really have much of a clue who are the contenders - or even who is racing.

I'm sure that Mr L's daily reports will help make things clear, as usual.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: bludger on July 06, 2019, 02:20:44 pm
yes welll the boys're spinning in big gurrs up tem hills you know.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 06, 2019, 02:53:23 pm
But no, M. Kitteh, sadly.

No Nice C Boardmen either.  :(

With a few big names either fading or injured, and me not having watched much pro racing this year, I don't really have much of a clue who are the contenders - or even who is racing.

I'm sure that Mr L's daily reports will help make things clear, as usual.

For the GC, the Inner Ring's got Bernal and Fuglsang ahead of Thomas, Quintana, Pinot and Adam Yates, but TBH, this year is probably the most open, so who knows?

Barring a crash or being shot by the Commissars, CP Sagan's probably a dead cert for another snottypoints win.

The polka-dot competition won't necessarily be between just the climbers this year because of the nature of the course. All the HC cols are over 2,000m so score double, and it may well be that GC contenders will be picking up the spottypoints as a side effect of riding for the overall win.

http://inrng.com/2019/07/tour-de-france-preview-2019/
http://inrng.com/2019/07/tour-de-france-points-competition/
http://inrng.com/2019/07/tour-de-france-mountains-contenders-competition/

For a full list of riders:

https://www.letour.fr/en/riders or
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_teams_and_cyclists_in_the_2019_Tour_de_France
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 06, 2019, 06:09:09 pm
[FX: GBFO grandfather clock, fingers drumming on a wooden table]

In the meantime, before someone at Letour.fr or Amaury Sports realises, anyone for a game of "Spot the silly mistake"?  :demon:

Linky: https://img.aso.fr/core_app/img-cycling-tdf-jpg/01uk-classement-nl/15380/0:0,640:320-640-0-70/b341a (contains traces of SPOILERS)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 06, 2019, 06:50:06 pm
Stage 1: Brussels – Brussels

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: ElyDave on July 06, 2019, 08:05:47 pm
I saw some people fall off bikes today, I have no idea who moste of them are.

I see the Gorilla is still there, though I have no idea if he is still any good?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 06, 2019, 08:16:45 pm
He didn't make the top ten today.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 06, 2019, 08:43:16 pm
Popeye's Stunt Double hasn't had any success in the Tour since 2016, and his best years were 2012 and 2015 where he won 3 and 4 stages respectively, finishing 2nd in the snottypoints competition both times.

* For some reason, Greipel's always reminded me of the spinach-nomming sailor, as portrayed by Robin Williams. Something to do with the facial expression in head-on shots when he wins a stage.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 06, 2019, 08:46:44 pm
Ver good. You're gonnae have to remind who DI McPherson was tho.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Pingu on July 06, 2019, 08:54:23 pm
How to tackle the Mur

(https://live.staticflickr.com/4146/5001803501_2eb3745771_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/8BZxVp)
IMG_4342 (https://flic.kr/p/8BZxVp) by The Pingus (https://www.flickr.com/photos/the_pingus/), on Flickr
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 06, 2019, 08:57:41 pm
Stuff a Maatentaart in yer cakehole.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 06, 2019, 10:00:29 pm
Ver good. You're gonnae have to remind who DI McPherson was tho.

McPherson is permanently on the sick and/or in hostipal with concussion, snapped limbs ect ect.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 06, 2019, 10:12:01 pm
You're that confident that Porte will crash out on <checks notes> stage 9 again?  :demon:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 06, 2019, 10:16:28 pm
My prediction for this year is that R Porte will be forced to retire after a wound inflicted by Didi Senff's rubber trident goes rusty.  Stage 7 or 8.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: ElyDave on July 07, 2019, 07:13:33 am
you think he'll make it that far?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 07, 2019, 10:44:17 am
Depends on the nature of the TTT course today, I suppose.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 07, 2019, 02:50:08 pm
The lack of rain on the TTT course today is increasing the chances of a finish by even the most accident prone. And making it even more boring into the bargain.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: De Sisti on July 07, 2019, 04:08:49 pm
I like the Atonium


(https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/brussels-images/content/gallery/visit/place/708_708---ATOMIUM-1_sq_640.jpg)



Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 07, 2019, 04:19:01 pm
Stage 2: Brussels – Brussels. Agane.

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 07, 2019, 04:31:41 pm
Stage 2: Brussels – Brussels. Agane.

<Tabular SCIENCE snipped for brevity>

N Boulting:Atomium! Atom? Molecule?
SD Millar:Unit.

From the size of it, I'd say it's an absolute unit.  ;)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: quixoticgeek on July 07, 2019, 05:59:57 pm
I like the Atonium


(https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/brussels-images/content/gallery/visit/place/708_708---ATOMIUM-1_sq_640.jpg)

Balls...

J
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: bludger on July 07, 2019, 06:22:43 pm
TTs are only in grand tours to satisfy the bike industry sponsors' desire to show off their shoopy doo doo wop tt bikes to the hordes of well in funds dentists eyeing up their next £400 sprint triathlon event.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: phil w on July 07, 2019, 07:06:01 pm
I like the Atonium


(https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/brussels-images/content/gallery/visit/place/708_708---ATOMIUM-1_sq_640.jpg)

Balls...

J

I like the significance that there are 8 balls.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 07, 2019, 08:04:18 pm
Come on, TV's G Imlach!  You have no excuse for continuing to refer to the team of E Bernal & G Thomas as "T $ky" during the highlights programme.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: quixoticgeek on July 07, 2019, 08:16:45 pm
Balls...

J

I like the significance that there are 8 balls.

There are 9 of them...

Tho the locals like to tease the tourists that there's a great restaurant in the 10th ball...

J
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 07, 2019, 08:29:11 pm
Yay chimney boi!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 07, 2019, 08:58:01 pm
Romain "On A Raggamuffin Tip" Bardet, I presume. ;D
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: rob on July 07, 2019, 09:00:33 pm
TTs are only in grand tours to satisfy the bike industry sponsors' desire to show off their shoopy doo doo wop tt bikes to the hordes of well in funds dentists eyeing up their next £400 sprint triathlon event.

It’s a pity that a lot of them end up with such shabby positions.  Jumbo have been working with Dan Bigham, multiple national champ and aero specialist.   See the difference ?

Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: De Sisti on July 08, 2019, 08:47:19 am
TTs are only in grand tours to satisfy the bike industry sponsors' desire to show off their shoopy doo doo wop tt bikes to the hordes of well in funds dentists eyeing up their next £400 sprint triathlon event.

It’s a pity that a lot of them end up with such shabby positions.  Jumbo have been working with Dan Bigham, multiple national champ and aero specialist.   See the difference ?
All of the above should be moved to the Tour de France 2019 thread.  :-D
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Karla on July 08, 2019, 09:40:30 am
Well it must work: sucker that I am, I'm now riding some of Dan Bigham's shoopy doo doo wop tt components.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Exit Stage Left on July 08, 2019, 09:52:58 am
TTs are only in grand tours to satisfy the bike industry sponsors' desire to show off their shoopy doo doo wop tt bikes to the hordes of well in funds dentists eyeing up their next £400 sprint triathlon event.

Pacing was forbidden until 1925 in the Tour, and in 1927 and 1928 it consisted of all team time trial stages.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: offcumden on July 08, 2019, 11:52:54 am
Just seen this on the BBC text reporting:

11:44
<<Post update
The peloton is now about two minutes and 20 seconds down but Tony Martin, who is sat at the front is literally operating as a one-man band stringing out the riders behind him.

It's some sight but it looks quite blustery out there. This looks like it could be a tiring day. Albeit the German isn't even gasping for breath.>>

Do you think they'll show it on the highlights this evening?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 08, 2019, 01:29:28 pm
I like the Atonium


(https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/brussels-images/content/gallery/visit/place/708_708---ATOMIUM-1_sq_640.jpg)

Pétanque trophy
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Ham on July 08, 2019, 02:10:23 pm
Please Mr Producshunz, I has been looking at teh wellyvision adverts and it appears that if you buy an electronic pelican machine then there are two wimmins for every mans who will use it so by buying one I can get off with many cycling wimmins. Is this true?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 08, 2019, 02:19:14 pm
There was a very funny Twitter thread ripping the pi$$ out of the Peloton Pelican exercise bike $hitverts that went viral (https://www.google.co.uk/search?source=hp&ei=6EEjXZz8GYqmaNLZheAM&q=peloton+exercise+bike+twitter&oq=peloton+exercise+bike+twitter&gs_l=psy-ab.3...630.10381..11039...0.0..0.360.3654.11j16j1j1......0....1..gws-wiz.....0..0i131j0j0i22i30j33i160j33i21.7G4Rw85p-hs) in late January. ;D

Share and Enjoy: https://twitter.com/ClueHeywood/status/1089699762331217920
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 08, 2019, 02:47:38 pm
There was a very funny Twitter thread ripping the pi$$ out of the Peloton Pelican exercise bike $hitverts that went viral (https://www.google.co.uk/search?source=hp&ei=6EEjXZz8GYqmaNLZheAM&q=peloton+exercise+bike+twitter&oq=peloton+exercise+bike+twitter&gs_l=psy-ab.3...630.10381..11039...0.0..0.360.3654.11j16j1j1......0....1..gws-wiz.....0..0i131j0j0i22i30j33i160j33i21.7G4Rw85p-hs) in late January. ;D

Share and Enjoy: https://twitter.com/ClueHeywood/status/1089699762331217920

Quote
I took my Peloton bike to Europe and used it on the balcony of our $2,000/night Airbnb and honestly I felt like I was flying over London, you should try it

Enjoy it while it lasts, hen, it's not going to be Europe for long.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 08, 2019, 05:31:05 pm
Stage 3: Binche – Épernay

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 08, 2019, 05:36:48 pm
Please Mr Producshunz, I has been looking at teh wellyvision adverts and it appears that if you buy an electronic pelican machine then there are two wimmins for every mans who will use it so by buying one I can get off with many cycling wimmins. Is this true?

Bethany (9):Smash teh patriarchy!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Torslanda on July 08, 2019, 07:48:05 pm
Please Mr Producshunz, I has been looking at teh wellyvision adverts and it appears that if you buy an electronic pelican machine then there are two wimmins for every mans who will use it so by buying one I can get off with many cycling wimmins. Is this true?

You can get PWNED . . .

Lots!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 08, 2019, 09:56:01 pm
No, TV's G Imlach, champagne-spraying was originated by Dan Gurney after he and AJ Foyt won Les Vingt-Quatres Heures du Mans in 1967, mostly to get Henry Ford II wet.  Nowt to do with F1 save that they slavishly copied it.  Honestly...
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: mattc on July 08, 2019, 10:14:57 pm
There was a very funny Twitter thread ripping the pi$$ out of the Peloton Pelican exercise bike $hitverts that went viral (https://www.google.co.uk/search?source=hp&ei=6EEjXZz8GYqmaNLZheAM&q=peloton+exercise+bike+twitter&oq=peloton+exercise+bike+twitter&gs_l=psy-ab.3...630.10381..11039...0.0..0.360.3654.11j16j1j1......0....1..gws-wiz.....0..0i131j0j0i22i30j33i160j33i21.7G4Rw85p-hs) in late January. ;D

Share and Enjoy: https://twitter.com/ClueHeywood/status/1089699762331217920
:thumbsup:

 ;D
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Legs on July 08, 2019, 10:27:00 pm
(one of the Twitterers midway down that very funny page was tennis practitioner Alison Riske, who beat the world no 1 at Wimblington today...)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 08, 2019, 10:33:53 pm
Ver' good.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: mattc on July 08, 2019, 10:52:04 pm
(one of the Twitterers midway down that very funny page was tennis practitioner Alison Riske, who beat the world no 1 at Wimblington today...)

Oi!

Oh, hang-on - this isn't a "no-spoilers" thread, is it ...  :facepalm:

:)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Kim on July 09, 2019, 12:10:02 am
Please Mr Producshunz, I has been looking at teh wellyvision adverts and it appears that if you buy an electronic pelican machine then there are two wimmins for every mans who will use it so by buying one I can get off with many cycling wimmins. Is this true?

I can't be the only person who relies on P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®'s shitvert-free coverage who had no idea what an "electronic pelican machine" was, and - after consluting the googlewebs for enlightenment - was extremely disappointed.

(Obviously I have no need for electronic enhancement when getting off with cycling wimmins, but the prospect of a machine for producing electronic pelicans - or perhaps electronically producing pelicans - was intriguing.  An internet-of-shit pedally clotheshorse, not so much.)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 09, 2019, 05:24:14 pm
Stage 4: Reims – Nancy

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 09, 2019, 05:29:45 pm
The official Tour de France app for Babbage engines from the famous fruitian vendor is crap. Ok, so the information is quite nicely laid out, but the updates are slow and it crashes every second time you open it up. It is free to use, which is just as well, because, as I say, it’s crap.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 09, 2019, 06:42:57 pm
Quote from: teh $hitverts
... Buy an Electric Pelican & a $3,000,000 penthouse 2 put it in...

 ;D :thumbsup:


Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 09, 2019, 08:26:47 pm
Watching the highlights.  Has T Boonen had surgery to turn him into Spesh Ming The Merciless or is it just a side-effect of too much Lady Sniff?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Pedal Castro on July 09, 2019, 08:39:08 pm
I had the coolest ride evah today! After watching the race go by I hopped on my bike and followed the race route for a few miles to much applause and cheers “Allez, Allez”! I have had cheers etc while riding the route before the race gets there but nothing like this. :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 09, 2019, 08:49:18 pm
Watching the highlights.  Has T Boonen had surgery to turn him into Spesh Ming The Merciless or is it just a side-effect of too much Lady Sniff?

Probably male pattern baldness - he still had most of his hair in early 2013:

https://www.cyclingweekly.com/news/tom-boonen-back-in-action-after-serious-arm-infection-34108

But by the 2014 Vuelta, he'd gone for a Grade 1 buzz cut:

https://cdn-cyclingtips.pressidium.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140823_%C2%A9BrakeThrough-Media_3S3A3645.jpg

Before resorting to channelling Emperor Ming (Hail Ming!) in 2015:

http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/gallery-etixx-quickstep-ready-for-2015/
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 09, 2019, 10:12:23 pm
He's got funny shaped ears as well.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 09, 2019, 10:13:59 pm
https://cdn-cyclingtips.pressidium.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140823_%C2%A9BrakeThrough-Media_3S3A3645.jpg

Why has he got a tampon up his dose?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Kim on July 09, 2019, 10:18:53 pm
https://cdn-cyclingtips.pressidium.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140823_%C2%A9BrakeThrough-Media_3S3A3645.jpg

Why has he got a tampon up his dose?

The usual reason that anyone sticks a tampon up their dose, Shirley?  Dose beed.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 09, 2019, 10:23:31 pm
https://cdn-cyclingtips.pressidium.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140823_%C2%A9BrakeThrough-Media_3S3A3645.jpg

Why has he got a tampon up his dose?

Embrocation/Vicks Vaporub/Olbas Oil, to open the nasal passages during the warm-up session on the rollers.

https://forums.thepaceline.net/showthread.php?t=26979

Chris Froome forgot to take them out before the prologue in 2012, resulting in some taking of the mock by, among others, Bernie Eisel.

https://twitter.com/chrisfroome/status/219155478960283649/photo/1
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: grams on July 10, 2019, 03:03:02 pm
I see E.Leclerc are sponsoring the KoM now. Is the Carrefour KoM hat I trampled children for during last year's caravan obsolete or retro cool now?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 10, 2019, 03:40:00 pm
Take a good look at the countryside today, people.  This is where I live.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: quixoticgeek on July 10, 2019, 03:41:17 pm
Take a good look at the countryside today, people.  This is where I live.

Are all those people standing by the side of the road being in the way there all the time? Or were they ordered in specially?

Looks very pretty, tho the parking on the verges looks awful.

Also, looks lumpy...

J
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 10, 2019, 03:47:47 pm
We borrow the municipal tumbrils and gravel trucks to ferry them in, then they're left as fodder for the bears and the Mont St. Odile restaurant.

Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 10, 2019, 05:22:57 pm
Stage 5: Saint-Dié-des-Vosges – Colmar

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 10, 2019, 09:56:20 pm
Aw, there waz no storks on the highlights :(
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 10, 2019, 10:34:15 pm
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 11, 2019, 11:48:52 am
I think today’s stage will separate the men from the boys and we’ll see who are the GC contenders and who’s just along for the ride.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 11, 2019, 02:22:22 pm
Aw, there waz no storks on the highlights :(

Lazy buggers can't climb.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Ham on July 11, 2019, 02:26:56 pm
Aw, there waz no storks on the highlights :(

Lazy buggers can't climb.
Are you saying something or just vocalising below listening volume? I can't tell talk from mutter.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 11, 2019, 04:16:37 pm
Betcha de Gendt aches.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 11, 2019, 04:25:55 pm
Betcha de Gendt aches.
not as much as he will first thing tomorrow morning.  ;D
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 11, 2019, 04:56:28 pm
I’m exhausted watching that!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 11, 2019, 05:03:48 pm
I need help to get out of my chair now.

Hey, imagine what that last km would have been like in the rain.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 11, 2019, 05:18:30 pm
I need help to get out of my chair now.

Hey, imagine what that last km would have been like in the rain.
that’s a thought worthy of EC Boardmen.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 11, 2019, 05:48:27 pm
Stage 6: Mulhouse – La Planche des Belle Filles

(click to show/hide)

NB: P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® is going to see N Young & H Bobness in Hyde Park tomorrow so Stage 7 will appear when it does.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 11, 2019, 08:34:10 pm
Who is R Kennedy?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 11, 2019, 08:39:08 pm
If it's not JFK's brother, I'm guessing it's another bit-part character from a Stuart MacBride novel.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 11, 2019, 08:40:04 pm
Who is R Kennedy?

Rueben.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 11, 2019, 08:43:20 pm
Aaaaah!  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 11, 2019, 09:18:20 pm
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 11, 2019, 10:45:08 pm
Ha, and moreover \0/ I got a name check.  ;D 8)

ETA

I lay awake all last night because of this post. I should have acknowledged Mt T42s part in this for it is he who has the evil BRANES from which the comment about the rain forthcame. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take all the credit.  :-\
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 12, 2019, 07:51:06 pm
Inflatable unicorns anna pretzel...
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Kim on July 12, 2019, 07:57:08 pm
Hang on, did I miss something, or has P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® failed to cover the random-d00d-inna-Quest overtaking teh not-so-mitey but fully-UCI-compliant pelican (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j09237hc8lE)?

Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Pingu on July 12, 2019, 08:15:15 pm
"Breakawayish"? C'mon TV's *** Boulting, put a bit of effort in  ::-)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 13, 2019, 12:09:06 am
Hang on, did I miss something, or has P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® failed to cover the random-d00d-inna-Quest overtaking teh not-so-mitey but fully-UCI-compliant pelican (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j09237hc8lE)?

If it was on the "*** and Super D Live Experience" then I missed it, and I've deleted the recording so can't go back and check.  Soz.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Kim on July 13, 2019, 12:13:28 am
Hang on, did I miss something, or has P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® failed to cover the random-d00d-inna-Quest overtaking teh not-so-mitey but fully-UCI-compliant pelican (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j09237hc8lE)?

If it was on the "*** and Super D Live Experience" then I missed it, and I've deleted the recording so can't go back and check.  Soz.

Thankfully Gary Solomon was on the case (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk5AwcupSpw), or I might have missed it.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: mattc on July 13, 2019, 06:54:02 am
Hang on, did I miss something, or has P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® failed to cover the random-d00d-inna-Quest overtaking teh not-so-mitey but fully-UCI-compliant pelican (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j09237hc8lE)?

Nice moment that. :thumbsup:

(to be fair to ANY editor, I think it was at 163km-to-go; a part of the day that is often overlooked)

How has the Quest driver done on the climbs? Any footage?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 13, 2019, 07:33:00 am
Hang on, did I miss something, or has P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® failed to cover the random-d00d-inna-Quest overtaking teh not-so-mitey but fully-UCI-compliant pelican (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j09237hc8lE)?

If it was on the "*** and Super D Live Experience" then I missed it, and I've deleted the recording so can't go back and check.  Soz.

Thankfully Gary Solomon was on the case (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk5AwcupSpw), or I might have missed it.

"Unidentified rolling object". Condescending bastards.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 13, 2019, 03:34:50 pm
Stage 7: Belfort – Chalon-sur-Saône

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 13, 2019, 08:26:00 pm
Stage 8: Mâcon – Saint-Étienne

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 13, 2019, 08:45:21 pm
"And here are the scores for Geraint Thomas in the Bicycle Vault event..."

USAGERNEDBRAMOZ
Technical Merit:8.57.68.96.56.5
Artistic Impression:10.010.010.010.010.0


"Bit of a mixed bag there from the judges on the technical side, even though he nailed the landing in my opinion - my word, tens across the board for artistic impression, and the crowd goes wild!"
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 14, 2019, 08:42:30 am
"And here are the scores for Geraint Thomas in the Bicycle Vault event..."

Geraint Thomas de Gendt according to the bloke in the studio who isn't Jaja.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 14, 2019, 09:30:56 am
D'ya think it’ll all kick off this week or with the big boys be keeping their powder dry for the final week?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 14, 2019, 10:56:27 am
If it doesn't kick off on Thursday, it'll definitely do so on Saturday - I could see Movistar and/or Astana trying something like going full gas from the flag.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 14, 2019, 12:19:22 pm
Tiny P Kennaugh reckons J Alaphilippe could go all the way which, if it happens, will at least provide considerable entertainment for everyone except T Pinot.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 14, 2019, 12:47:18 pm
Depends on Begbie not burning up too many matches with these attacks1 this early in the race, and Team Disqualified2 being strong enough to support him into the third week.


1 I wouldn't put it past him to have another go over the last climb before Brioude today.

2 I keep misreading Deceuninck - Quick Step's abbreviation of DQS as DSQ.  :demon:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 14, 2019, 01:32:46 pm
R. Costa, tut.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 14, 2019, 01:34:27 pm
R. Costa ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 14, 2019, 03:16:44 pm
Just seen some loon holding up a sign as the pelican ground up the first climb:

LA TERRE EST PLATE

Makes a change from "DIRK HOFMAN MOTORHOMES", I suppose, and it made this Unit roffle.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 14, 2019, 03:30:26 pm
It disappeared just before my finger hit the screen-capture button.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 14, 2019, 06:21:49 pm
Stage 9: Saint-Étienne – Brioude

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 14, 2019, 10:30:59 pm
Haha. That is pretty much what I did say, plus 'get up that chimney'. :D
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 15, 2019, 04:22:44 pm
I predict a lot of "I h8 this!!!!1!!!" in today's Pandemic production... :demon:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 15, 2019, 04:55:43 pm
Not to mention "G. Bennett: Thirsty!"

And without waiting for Mr. L.:

C. Ewan: Oi! Jalabert! Me name's still CALEB, not CADEL, you K-legged wanker!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 15, 2019, 04:59:17 pm
Laurent's going Jaja?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 15, 2019, 05:38:15 pm
Has anyone checked to see if the eggheads at CERN have been smashing atoms again and invoking The Restaurant at the End of the Universe's preface?

Only asking on account of Martin and Quintana managing to be in the correct echelon for a change. :demon:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 15, 2019, 05:59:07 pm
Stage 10: Saint-Flour – Albi

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Sorry 4 teh lates.  I haz a cold.  Bah!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Salvatore on July 15, 2019, 06:58:39 pm
Has anyone checked to see if the eggheads at CERN have been smashing atoms again and invoking The Restaurant at the End of the Universe's preface?

Only asking on account of Martin and Quintana managing to be in the correct echelon for a change. :demon:

Hmmm. CERN is like a big roundabout, isn't it? Is it any coincidence that T Pinot [très déçu] has blamed going the wrong way round a roundabout for losing 60 places and finding himself on the wrong side of the split?

http://www.leparisien.fr/amp/sports/cyclisme/tour-de-france-2019-thibaut-est-tres-decu-c-est-une-bonne-nouvelle-selon-madiot-15-07-2019-8117475.php?__twitter_impression=true

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 15, 2019, 07:47:51 pm
Should have read the route sheet then, shouldn't he?  EH Boson beat N Arndt for a stage win in Salon-de-Provence in 2017 after going the right way round a roundabout.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 15, 2019, 10:52:50 pm
Should have read the route sheet then, shouldn't he?  EH Boson beat N Arndt for a stage win in Salon-de-Provence in 2017 after going the right way round a roundabout.

There is varying mileage - see replies to this post: https://twitter.com/jonas_creteur/status/1150832161022496768 (h/t today's thread on Bike Radar).

This one at the bottom says that they are listed only in the final part of the stage.

https://twitter.com/Lejeune_Xavier/status/1150842042546872321

Which seems to be backed up here: http://www.veloveritas.co.uk/2014/02/01/the-famous-tour-de-france-roadbook/
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 15, 2019, 10:54:07 pm
Little Richie Porte was testing fate with this tweet yesterday, wasn't he? ;D

https://twitter.com/richie_porte/status/1150435133247434753
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 16, 2019, 09:15:08 am
Apropos T Pinot, swings & roundabouts: in that case the team should have a Minion whose job it is to go over the route using $MAPPING_TOOL.  I bet T Ineo$ have one :demon:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 16, 2019, 11:01:42 am
The funny thing is, Team Ineo$ - and most other teams - had indeed marked that roundabout as a crucial point on the stage, but they still went the long way round. It's all very well knowing which is the shorter route, but it's probably easier said than done to get your whole team on the right side of teh Pelican just before that roundabout.

https://cyclingtips.com/2019/07/ill-fated-echelons-how-ef-education-first-missed-the-move-it-started/

ETA - Landa's demise yesterday contained traces of Warren Barguil.

Quote
Unfortunately for Landa, he was not among the front group that approached Albi to battle for the stage victory. He crashed some 25 kilometers from the line, apparently due to a touch of wheels with Warren Barguil (Arkéa-Samsic).

Barguil apologized on Twitter for causing the crash.

“I am sorry about Mikel Landa’s fall,” Barguil wrote (in French). “Off balance after I touched wheels with Julian [Alaphilippe], I touched Mikel who was coming up on my left hand side. It was very fast, it wasn’t on purpose. I was lucky enough not to crash, but that wasn’t the case for Mikel. I hope he’s all right.”

https://cyclingtips.com/2019/07/porte-fuglsang-and-pinot-among-stars-caught-out-in-tours-windy-10th-stage/
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 16, 2019, 12:11:22 pm

ETA - Landa's demise yesterday contained traces of Warren Barguil.

Quote
Unfortunately for Landa, he was not among the front group that approached Albi to battle for the stage victory. He crashed some 25 kilometers from the line, apparently due to a touch of wheels with Warren Barguil (Arkéa-Samsic).

Barguil apologized on Twitter for causing the crash.

“I am sorry about Mikel Landa’s fall,” Barguil wrote (in French). “Off balance after I touched wheels with Julian [Alaphilippe], I touched Mikel who was coming up on my left hand side. It was very fast, it wasn’t on purpose. I was lucky enough not to crash, but that wasn’t the case for Mikel. I hope he’s all right.”


I noticed that on the highlights last night.  I may have laughed.  I'm not sure what G Thomas' reaction would have been.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 16, 2019, 12:22:38 pm
Barguil would have bounced off G and into low Earth orbit. G would have just shrugged when asked about it by ITV post-stage. #Thomasfacts
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 16, 2019, 08:39:28 pm
Watching Madiot sitting in an interview saying "it's never over" etc. Meanwhile the body language of a certain T Pinot sitting next to him said anything but.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 16, 2019, 10:55:41 pm
Rest Day 1

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Soz 4 teh lates; woz watching some space Stuffs. 2moro may be lates also becoz mi grate frend Mr Woolrich is coming 2 tea en route 2 teh France 4 a biek race.  Noes, a different biek race.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 18, 2019, 11:34:47 am
Stage 11: Albi – Toulouse

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 18, 2019, 01:30:48 pm
Maybe Jalaberk will get Ewan's name right now.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 18, 2019, 01:38:42 pm
*** and Super D explaining the Tour to Al Murray is far more entertaining than anything M Smith's hostages in the Vsquared broom cupboard have come up with.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 18, 2019, 03:46:33 pm
Meanwhile, we just had the story of that bloke who broke his fork and had to pump the bellows himself.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 18, 2019, 03:53:53 pm
And yet again, francetvinfo.fr's video stream dropped out at the last bend.  >:( :facepalm:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 18, 2019, 05:08:31 pm
Stage 12: Toulouse – Bagnères-de-Bigorre

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Stage 13 may be late 2moro becoz gig.  Silly residents ov Captain Cook's Mistaek scheduling teh European Tour in teh middle ov C Prudhomme's.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 18, 2019, 08:15:44 pm
I liked the purple inflatable dinosaur suit with the wheel in it's mouth at the end of the highlights prog :)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: rafletcher on July 19, 2019, 10:11:59 am
It must be my age, but I immediately assumed "J Cocker" was Joe  :-\
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 19, 2019, 01:18:51 pm
Whereas J. Cock-up's first name is Laur... oh never mind.  Did anyone win yesterday? All I noticed was an Ozzie throwing a wobbly.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 19, 2019, 01:43:14 pm
Never let it be said that we @ PP r not on teh ball:

La Thing Course

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 19, 2019, 04:57:00 pm
Jeez luezz what the hell is he on?  :o
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 19, 2019, 05:04:02 pm
Too many fig rolls & the cludges are at the finish.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 20, 2019, 04:00:25 am
Stage 13: Pau – Pau

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 20, 2019, 04:18:11 pm
Alaphilippe: ♫ We'll keep a welcome in the hillside...
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 20, 2019, 04:45:58 pm
Stage 14: Tarbes – Tourmalet Barèges

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 20, 2019, 05:05:30 pm
If it doesn't kick off on Thursday,

Which it didn't.

Quote
it'll definitely do so on Saturday

Which it did.

Quote
- I could see Movistar and/or Astana trying something

Which Movistar did.

Quote
like going full gas from the flag.

OK, so they left it until later, but  that's the gross prophet margin for you.

I guess I could have kept the strike rate up by predicting that things wouldn't quite go how Movistar had planned it, but putting your own team leader in difficulty is fiendishly inscrutable, even by Eusebio Unzué Labiano's standards.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 21, 2019, 07:08:58 pm
Stage 15: Limoux – Foix Prat d'Albis

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 21, 2019, 07:20:12 pm
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what Movistar's strategy is, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 21, 2019, 07:24:58 pm
POTD!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 21, 2019, 08:03:51 pm
Watching the highlights.  Someone needs to tell Marc Madiot that two, or possibly three1, French drivers won the Indy 500 before Simon Pagenaud before he has a coronary.

1: Gaston Chevrolet
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 21, 2019, 08:32:25 pm
Sootyjumper. *Chortles*.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 21, 2019, 11:27:27 pm
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what Movistar's strategy is, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

"Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat." ~ Sun Tzu, yesterday
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 21, 2019, 11:43:38 pm
Actually, I think Movistar's problem is that Unzué took a leaf out of SDB's book and looked at other sports to see what he could plagiarise1 from others, but all he ended up doing was getting his tactics and Tiki-taka (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiki-taka) mised up.


1 N. I. Lobachevsky: "But always remember to call it, please, research!"
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Edd on July 22, 2019, 10:33:14 am
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what Movistar's strategy is, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

Do you think Moviestar have used machine learning to analyse other teams tactics and they use whatever the AI spits out?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 22, 2019, 12:09:27 pm
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what Movistar's strategy is, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

Do you think Moviestar have used machine learning to analyse other teams tactics and they use whatever the AI spits out?

My spies have a couple of sample outputs:

+++ ?? +++ Sin queso error. Rehacer desde el inicio. +++

+++ Dividir por pepino error. Reinstale el universo y reinicie. +++


 ;)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 22, 2019, 09:25:25 pm
Rest Day 2

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Pingu on July 22, 2019, 09:48:05 pm
Heh, pies were mentioned here too  :)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 23, 2019, 05:24:58 pm
Stage 16: Nîmes – Nîmes

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 23, 2019, 09:43:07 pm
 :smug:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 24, 2019, 03:22:30 pm
;D
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 24, 2019, 03:46:30 pm
Still catching up with the recording. *** & Super D have been joined in the colemantary box by the Speaking Clock ;D
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 24, 2019, 05:29:49 pm
Stage 17: Pont du Gard – Gap

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 24, 2019, 10:48:43 pm
I give up. I can see the footnote 1, but cannot find the in text reference 1

It’s too hot for puzzles.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Pingu on July 24, 2019, 10:56:28 pm
I give up. I can see the footnote 1, but cannot find the in text reference 1

It’s too hot for puzzles.

Quote from: P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz
JR Bernaudeau1:   U muppets! U wnkrs! U basket cases! U hoapless fukn tits! Catch teh break or die trying!

Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 24, 2019, 11:26:38 pm
I give up. I can see the footnote 1, but cannot find the in text reference 1

It’s too hot for puzzles.

Quote from: P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz
JR Bernaudeau1:   U muppets! U wnkrs! U basket cases! U hoapless fukn tits! Catch teh break or die trying!
Thank ewe. It was doing my head in.  :)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 25, 2019, 12:55:02 pm
T. Martin: Sorry we got stroppy, C. Prudishomme, we didn't really mean it.
L. Rowe: That's right, it's all that testosterone we have to take.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 25, 2019, 01:57:47 pm
What's Keanu Reeves doing in a break with Van Laundromat, and what has he done with Julian Bernard? :demon:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 25, 2019, 04:32:54 pm
Team Movistar Strategery Turing Machine:      +++ Señor Jalea! Señor Jalea! +++
Eusebio Unzué:¿Que?
Team Movistar Strategery Turing Machine:      +++ El caos es una escalera!!!1!!! +++

Editado para la traducción de Gargoyle.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 25, 2019, 05:44:38 pm
Stage 18: Embrun – Valloire

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2moro u haz 2 b content wif a "Pelican Brief" ha ha as this Unit iz going 2 visit Lt. Col. Larrington (retd.) and will miss teh live coverage chiz.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 26, 2019, 01:00:28 pm
Team Movistar Strategery Turing Machine:      +++ I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you. +++
Eusebio Unzué:¿Good, good, so what's the answer to today's strategery question?
Team Movistar Strategery Turing Machine:      +++ 42 +++
Eusebio Unzué:<Ponders re-programming the Movistar AI with a torque wrench>
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 26, 2019, 03:48:27 pm
Hail Bernal!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 26, 2019, 08:47:15 pm
Stage 19: Saint-Jean-de-Maurienne – Tignes

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Pingu on July 26, 2019, 10:11:35 pm
Looking forward to TV's *** Boulting extolling the architectural delights of Les Manures tomorrow  :P
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: CommuteTooFar on July 27, 2019, 10:30:06 am
1960s splendid architecture bringing toilets and showers to the upper parts of the Valle de Belleville for the first time. Try not to think about what they did before toilets arrived. As the showers. uh. their French. The idiot architects forgot to clad the outsides in wood.(Someone needs to tell them wood is not fire proof).
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 27, 2019, 12:30:40 pm
It has been noted elsewhere that there are two kinds of people who design ski resorts:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: grams on July 27, 2019, 12:48:06 pm
If you watched live you got to see Pinot's mechanic kicking a photographer while loading the bike. Wasn't shown on the highlights.

https://twitter.com/JoeSoap76/status/1154742843656871937
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 27, 2019, 01:41:32 pm
\o/ f'ckn vultures.

Meanwhile, I just saw a spectator disguised as a daffodil waving a dragon flag. Don't these Scots get everywhere!
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 27, 2019, 02:02:13 pm
Team Movistar Strategery Turing Machine:      +++ A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess? +++
Eusebio Unzué:Compute this! <maniacal laughter>
<FX: Assorted power tools>
Team Movistar Strategery Turing Machine:      +++ My mind is going. I can feel it. +++
<FX: Chainsaw>
Team Movistar Strategery Turing Machine:      +++ Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do... +++
<FX: M Smith's electro-torture apparatus>
Team Movistar Strategery Turing Machine:      +++ ugduoiegigdjhlyfgfygjljhjkkwuu +++
<FX: Dice being shaken in a cup>
Eusebio Unzué:Right you 'orrible lot, the dice says "get a rider up the road in a break". Time to draw straws for the honour!
Team Movistar:      Er, boss, doesn't it say that on all six sides?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Beardy on July 27, 2019, 03:28:36 pm
Team orders, or just bleedin’ knackered?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 27, 2019, 04:12:13 pm
Stage 20: Not Albertville – Val Thorens

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 27, 2019, 09:19:28 pm
Spottysootyjumper.
Am I the only one who's been hearing Mooburger for the last 3 weeks?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 28, 2019, 06:54:14 pm
This must be the longest turn on the front Kwiato's done all Tour. :demon:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Tim Hall on July 28, 2019, 08:38:21 pm
Hai TV's G Imlach.  No, you clot, it was P B Shelley wot wroye Ozymandias, not R Kipling.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 28, 2019, 08:38:41 pm
Stage 21: Rambouillet – Paris

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Teh PPTM Awardz will folow 2moro coz they need a Proper Computer 2 jibble teh SCIENCE.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Tim Hall on July 28, 2019, 09:02:15 pm
And what was that Colombian Handjive thing Egan Bernal did with his little brother.  TV's D Millar didn't know.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Paul on July 28, 2019, 09:05:57 pm
Looked like the sign of the cross to me, but never seen it done like that before.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 28, 2019, 09:16:27 pm
Huzzah!
Well done & all teh kumquats to ML Maire for another 3 weeks of entertainments :)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Pingu on July 28, 2019, 11:34:36 pm
Yes,  :thumbsup: to P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz. We can get our chimney swept now :-)
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 29, 2019, 08:40:41 am
Yay! 0zc4rz ==> P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nz!  Must get a M1k7ur050f7 l337 compiler 1 ov 7heze daz.

Gawd, that would have driven old Geordie Drennan, my English master, round the twist.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: CommuteTooFar on July 29, 2019, 09:56:49 am
Stop this thread right now.  Its over, apart from secret drug discoveries in six years time. Return on 24th August when cycling goes to Spain.  Completely different race eg Pau-Pau timetrial.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: T42 on July 29, 2019, 01:48:25 pm
51lly m3, 17'5 b33n d0n3 4lr34dy.

http://www.robertecker.com/hp/research/leet-converter.php
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 29, 2019, 09:16:43 pm
We note with approval that *** set his holibobs video on tonight's highlights show to a ditty by J Brel.  If you're reading this at the lurk, ***, we don't really think you're an idiot ;)

No Vuelta because PP is off to USAnia on the 29th.  You'd think they'd know by now.
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: spesh on July 29, 2019, 09:36:18 pm
Pffft. The Vuelta's just a "fish and chips" race, or maybe chicken in a basquet... :demon:
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 29, 2019, 10:47:35 pm
So iz tiem 4 teh Utterly Subjective P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® Tour Ov France Awards 2019 4 Things ITV4 Can't Spell, Pronounce or Sho B4 Teh Watershedde!

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Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Ham on August 24, 2019, 09:41:35 am
Will M Kitteh (https://www.cyclist.co.uk/news/6922/marcel-kittel-has-officially-retired-from-professional-cycling) be available to commentate on next year's offering?
Title: Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
Post by: Mr Larrington on August 25, 2019, 11:10:37 am
M Kitteh: No. I iz goin' fishin'. I liek fish! Also, miaow!