Yet Another Cycling Forum

Off Topic => The Pub => Topic started by: Basil on June 10, 2008, 11:05:24 pm

Title: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on June 10, 2008, 11:05:24 pm
Woman on mobile in the smoking shed at my local (Yes, sorry, I've failed again)

"If she don't come home tonight, I'm not letting her in."

 ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Clare on June 11, 2008, 11:03:57 am
That's on a par with my mother's favourite when we were climbing on the garage roof:

"If you fall off and break your legs don't come running to me."

OK then, I won't.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Charlotte on June 11, 2008, 11:13:31 am
(Yes, sorry, I've failed again)

Oh dear.  Tough, innit?

 :(
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: scott on August 29, 2008, 03:44:41 pm
Overheard today:

Phone conversation: "Yeah, that's why I need to go back to Afghanistan--go back and make some money."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: gonzo on August 29, 2008, 05:08:57 pm
A while back in an engineering computer room;
"My mechanism's smaller than your mechanism so ha!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: orienteer on August 29, 2008, 05:26:17 pm
Woman in WHS looking at road atlases: "This one's five miles to the inch".

Friend, triumphantly: " Ooh, this one's seven miles to the inch!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hatler on August 29, 2008, 09:41:30 pm
In a kitchen at an old people's home run by some friends years ago.

"Oooh, it's worse than I thought."

(This from one of the temporary washing up helpers, inspecting a pair of inside out rubber gloves.)

"The hole's on both sides."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: andygates on August 29, 2008, 10:04:24 pm
Bafflingly to clucks of agreement from her twentysomething mallrat girlfriends:

"Boris Johnson never combs his hair and usually acts drunk which is why I want to just cuddle him every day."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mike on August 30, 2008, 03:54:02 pm
walking through the market this morning, father to 6-ish yr old son:  "No, you cant eat panthers"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Valiant on August 30, 2008, 06:44:41 pm
Heard on the 277 bus today "bruv she was like the tardis, I bet shes had bare mans"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Elleigh on August 30, 2008, 07:30:16 pm
Last time I was on a bus.

Older Lady to a little girl was was sulking. Hello lovely how old are you? 

After being prodded by her mother to make her answer she replied. 'I'm four'

'Oooh and when are you five' the older lady asked

'When I get off the bus' came the reply
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Captain Zep on August 30, 2008, 08:54:20 pm
4 year-old ned to ned brother/friend who is poking at him, "Dinnae, Dinnae"

Ned mother, "It's no 'dinnae', it's 'gonnae no dae that'"

 ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Pedaldog on August 31, 2008, 11:34:30 am
Heard in supermarket queue ysterday.. " Gerr'ere our Leevan and stop mithering yer mother".
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Zoidburg on August 31, 2008, 06:02:22 pm
Over heard on the bus

"daddy, whats a black hole?"

I thought "ha ha - get out of that one then smart arse" but the chap did actually mange to explain the principle of a black hole to a 6 year old so he deserves points for that one

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cunobelin on August 31, 2008, 08:13:46 pm
We were at friends for an afternoon when their son came out with...

"What's a Condom?"

We all kept straight faces as Dad answered..

"It's something that men wear"

"When?"

"Sometimes"

"Are you wearing one now?"

At which point we all lost it!



Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Elleigh on September 02, 2008, 03:29:20 pm
On the train this morning

Bloke to girl: 'Thank God for padded shorts, else I wouldn't be sitting here today, I can tell you.'

I'm hoping he was a cyclist!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: spindrift on September 02, 2008, 03:32:27 pm
Possibly apocryphal:


"I've been to Evita!"


"You don't look brown".
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Notsototalnewbie on September 02, 2008, 03:38:25 pm
Cycling along the road in Bognor Regis:

'Mummy, they've got lights!' by a small child, in a tone of wonder and amazement...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wascally Weasel on September 02, 2008, 03:47:16 pm
A favourite from years back, in a pub near Tiverton:

"And I said to him, thank God I'm not a halibut!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on September 02, 2008, 03:49:05 pm
On a bus

'And then, if I have another one, I just explode!'
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: PaulF on September 11, 2009, 09:17:31 pm
In the New York office:

"Tasmania, is that part of Kilimanjaro?"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jaded on September 11, 2009, 09:46:42 pm
on a bus
"How's your lad?"
"Oh, he works in defence now."
"Wow!"
"Yes, he makes the crates for missiles."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: longers on September 11, 2009, 09:51:39 pm
A while back I overheard one of the bakers in the supermarket saying he'd been deported from Belgium for biting someone's ear off.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Butterfly on September 11, 2009, 10:06:01 pm
2 old ladies in a supermarket, when it was 30 degrees outside:
'It's warm isn't it?'
'Yes, I took my cardigan off!' :o
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: pdm on September 11, 2009, 10:59:02 pm
From someone in my other half's office (in Sheffield):

"Yes, we are a large family - 6 of us. We are all local except for my brother who moved away so we don't see him as often these days..."

"Really, where does he live?"

"Rotherham."

For the geographically challenged: 10 miles away.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Rhys W on September 11, 2009, 11:26:40 pm
Two nuns in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?"
The other one say "Yes it does, doesn't it!"

<gets coat>
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cunobelin on September 12, 2009, 09:17:53 am
We were on Blencathra in June when we were joined by a group of teenagers and their teachers. They were well behaved and obviously awed by their achievement and the views.

One of the kids was asking why you could see mountains that were actually taller, but itlooked as ifthey were lower.

Teacher started an explanation about horizons.

Kid replied "Sir - don't confuse us with Science"

Reply -"That's my job - I'm your science teacher!"

Then sat the lad down and patiently explained the whole thing.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cunobelin on September 12, 2009, 09:24:34 am
Or very Portsmouth......

On bus with two Chavettes.

"Just because I shagged his brothers at that party don't mean I don't love him - he just needs to get over it!"

"Yeah he's being stupid"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: grayo59 on September 12, 2009, 12:24:44 pm
We were on Blencathra in June when we were joined by a group of teenagers and their teachers. They were well behaved and obviously awed by their achievement and the views.

One of the kids was asking why you could see mountains that were actually taller, but itlooked as ifthey were lower.

Teacher started an explanation about horizons.

Kid replied "Sir - don't confuse us with Science"

Reply -"That's my job - I'm your science teacher!"

Then sat the lad down and patiently explained the whole thing.

I was on Blencathra in June too - and saw a couple of teachers with teenagers - which route did you take?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Tim Hall on September 13, 2009, 12:18:15 am
Scene: me on the 22:52 from Horley to Three Bridges with bike, sitting by the bike space adjacent to the loo.

Enter stage left: two Bright Young Things in short frocks, drink having taken.  They go into the loo together. The door is not sound proof.

And action:

"ere,there's no bog roll"

"you'll have to shake it. I hate shaking it"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wowbagger on September 13, 2009, 12:31:23 am
I was sitting at Grays Station this evening trying to be inconspicuous whilst waiting for the 2305 train for Southend Central. Grays is, to put it mildly, a bit of a dump. A quartet of Young Fillies had been conversing on the pavement adjacent to the platform and "fuck" or one of its derivatives had been omnipresent.

After a while the four ladies made their way onto the platform and I was able to admire the assorted leatherwear etc. which constituted their Saturday evening attire.

As they walked past me the leading lady turned to me and said in very cultured tones "Good evening Sir! I do like your hat!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on September 13, 2009, 12:50:32 am
'Mummy, they've got lights!' by a small child, in a tone of wonder and amazement...

Stopped at a pelican crossing somewhere in the vicinity of Romford.

Small child waiting to cross, to mother, also in a tone of wonder and amazement:

"Look, he's got a -no, it's a girl.  She's got a D-lock!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rogerzilla on September 13, 2009, 09:30:23 am
In Sainsbury's, 8-year old boy rabbiting on to a bored mother.

"and this big spike falls off the church and goes right through him and this other man gets his head cut off by a big sheet of glass and it's really cool..."

"The Omen", I presume.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jaded on September 13, 2009, 09:41:53 am
Could have been Swindon?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: CrinklyLion on September 13, 2009, 02:11:39 pm
Hot Fuzz?  I have to hide behind a cushion for the impaling by church steeple.

In Sainsbury's, 8-year old boy rabbiting on to a bored mother.

"and this big spike falls off the church and goes right through him and this other man gets his head cut off by a big sheet of glass and it's really cool..."

"The Omen", I presume.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cunobelin on September 13, 2009, 04:41:58 pm
We were on Blencathra in June when we were joined by a group of teenagers and their teachers. They were well behaved and obviously awed by their achievement and the views.

One of the kids was asking why you could see mountains that were actually taller, but itlooked as ifthey were lower.

Teacher started an explanation about horizons.

Kid replied "Sir - don't confuse us with Science"

Reply -"That's my job - I'm your science teacher!"

Then sat the lad down and patiently explained the whole thing.

I was on Blencathra in June too - and saw a couple of teachers with teenagers - which route did you take?

My wife is not good with heights so my favourite of Sharp Edge is out!

We did the Blease Fell route....

Me on Gategill:

(http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b60/Cunobelin/BlencatraMaggie24-06-200909-20-18.jpg)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cunobelin on September 13, 2009, 04:44:27 pm
In Sainsbury's, 8-year old boy rabbiting on to a bored mother.

"and this big spike falls off the church and goes right through him and this other man gets his head cut off by a big sheet of glass and it's really cool..."

"The Omen", I presume.




Could have been Swindon?

Does that happen a lot in Swindon's Sainsbury stores.... if it does Iam going back to Waitrose!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on February 12, 2010, 10:15:14 pm
Meanwhile tonight, back in the smoking shed at my local (a great source for this sort of stuff)

Two women.
1)  "I'm going to see the doctor about my tittyness"

2) "Yer wot?"

1) "Tittyness.  You know, ringin' in me ears"

2)  "Oh yeah.  Tittyness"  (Sups beer)

Exit Basil, struggling to keep it together.  ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: robgul on February 13, 2010, 10:17:40 am
Meanwhile tonight, back in the smoking shed at my local (a great source for this sort of stuff)

Two women.
1)  "I'm going to see the doctor about my tittyness"

2) "Yer wot?"

1) "Tittyness.  You know, ringin' in me ears"

2)  "Oh yeah.  Tittyness"  (Sups beer)

Exit Basil, struggling to keep it together.  ;D

That's on a par with what we overheard in a gastropub (the one at Tanworth, you'll know it Basil) - he took a booking on the phone and then said to the chef, who happened to be in the bar: 

Boss : "Booking for 4 tonight, one of them is wheat intolerant .... "

Ched : "Ah, OK I know about that, that'll be a celeriac"


We fell about, roaring with laughter having overheard this exchange - the sad thing is that we had to explain to the boss (when he asked what we were laughing at) that the chef really meant  coeliac.

Rob

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on February 15, 2011, 06:22:03 pm
On New Street today.  Woman walking past, moaning to colleague, "I was off last week and came back to 20 bloody e-mails."


 ???
I want her job!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Steve Kish on February 15, 2011, 09:36:34 pm
Heard one of my wife's friends talking to her mate:-

'Yeah, and he turned out to one of those blokes that frocks up in wimmin's clothes, yer know, a ventriloquist!'

Me - 'Surely you mean a transvestite'

Her mate - 'Nah, that's where Dracula comes from!'

 ??? ??? ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Biff on February 16, 2011, 04:10:11 pm
In a local supermarket recently. A boisterous tot running amok making a nuisance of himself. Teenage mum finally notices the annoyed looks of shoppers.

She bellows "LAZARUS! GEREERE NOW!!"

LAZARUS ??
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Biff on February 16, 2011, 05:53:36 pm
And another:

My mother was watching a tea-time quiz:

Q: Which former Playschool presenter recently took up HER place in the House of Lords? -

a) Floella Benjamin
b) Johnny Ball
c) (another female)

Contestant - " Johnny Ball - I've never heard of the other two"

He was a trainee solicitor.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Arch on February 16, 2011, 08:32:24 pm
And another:

My mother was watching a tea-time quiz:

Q: Which former Playschool presenter recently took up HER place in the House of Lords? -

a) Floella Benjamin
b) Johnny Ball
c) (another female)

Contestant - " Johnny Ball - I've never heard of the other two"

He was a trainee solicitor.

I remember hearing a contestant on In it to Win it 'reasoning' that the Nile wasn't in Africa, because it's a big river, and Africa has droughts.



Overheard today, a volunteer at work famous for malapropisms, who was tidying up the odds and ends of herbal and special teas in the kitchen.  Looking at a box she said "What these then? <reads box> oh, it's Oblong tea...."

Last week she told someone that our lawn roller had vanished 'off the Friends of the Earth'.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jameslondon on February 17, 2011, 08:15:44 pm
Walking though the local market, one of the stallholders was trying to get rid of the last of his bananas, holding about 6 bunches he was shouting "pound for the 'nanas, all these a pound" - this woman walked past at the same time and said to him "yeah but who's gonna eat them, monkey boy?"

I just cracked up!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Steve Kish on February 17, 2011, 10:43:30 pm
Heard by a mate in a pub:-

Girl to her mates - 'I wish I could get down to 6 stones'

Bloke in the group next to them - 'Get down to this; this is 6 stones!' :smug:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Charlotte on March 10, 2011, 04:09:19 pm
Just now in the lift lobby:

"Yeah, but you can go all the way to anal if you want."

It was only when I got back to my desk that I realised there was the possibility I'd misheard and they were talking about the Central line...

::-)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wowbagger on March 10, 2011, 04:11:56 pm
Isn't Anal on the Northern Line?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on March 10, 2011, 04:18:18 pm
Anal?  You don't have to stop there.  Hang on tight and you can keep going.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jaded on March 10, 2011, 04:19:20 pm
Anal is south of the river, surely?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on March 10, 2011, 04:25:59 pm
No, up the arse end.

But make sure you don't go to that place...They Done Boys.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jurek on March 10, 2011, 04:43:41 pm
...They Done Boys.

*Two Ronnies Alert!*  ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on March 10, 2011, 04:54:40 pm
Mornington Crescent!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on March 10, 2011, 08:27:10 pm
Billy Connolly 'Bike I'll give you bike (clip round earhole)............. what does this mean?'
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on December 23, 2012, 06:19:35 pm
Just had to dig out this thread after overhearing this.
 
Muppette in pub this afternoon to tablefull of Muppettes.
"I'm really sad.  Christmas is nearly over."
 
Wtf?  It's Dec 23rd!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on December 23, 2012, 06:26:23 pm
Just had to dig out this thread after overhearing this.
 
Muppette in pub this afternoon to tablefull of Muppettes.
"I'm really sad.  Christmas is nearly over."
 
Wtf?  It's Dec 23rd!

The parties have finished, there's little Christmas tat ware in the shops. It *is* nearly over.
Never quite got my head around schools removing all decorations before end of term either, leaving classrooms bare & boring.

I've not cooked David his festive meal though, or filled his stocking.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on March 12, 2013, 09:38:14 pm
Thread resurrected again 'cos I just had to share this with you.  :D

Two women outside the Country Girl tonight. (and I'm pretty sure it was the same two who provided me with the "tittyness" quote upthread)

One lady was telling us how she watching "The New Avengers" on channel 2Trillion or something.  She had a beef with the fact that some of the screen was taken up with some woman "waving her arms about".

Me:  That's probably BSL.
Her: Is that for deaf people or blind people?

Me: *Rushes in to tell mates*  ;D

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on March 12, 2013, 09:42:07 pm
So, which is it?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: barakta on March 12, 2013, 09:47:31 pm
<snip>
Her: Is that for deaf people or blind people?

Me: *Rushes in to tell mates*  ;D

ROFL!  These are the same people who give deaf people braille menus in restaurants!!!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: barakta on March 12, 2013, 09:48:59 pm
More seriously though a lot of hearies hate the BSL terps or closed subtitles which is why there isn't more provision cos they grink the broadcasters who use it as an excuse not to provide the service. >:(

(On a bit of a rant having seen some awful vids about failure of BSL interpreter provision cos BSL's legal status in the UK is rubbish and tokenistic - I am hoping the Deafies might be actually pulling together for a proper recognition demand campaign!)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Arch on March 12, 2013, 10:04:59 pm
Thread resurrected again 'cos I just had to share this with you.  :D

Two women outside the Country Girl tonight. (and I'm pretty sure it was the same two who provided me with the "tittyness" quote upthread)

One lady was telling us how she watching "The New Avengers" on channel 2Trillion or something.  She had a beef with the fact that some of the screen was taken up with some woman "waving her arms about".

Me:  That's probably BSL.
Her: Is that for deaf people or blind people?

Me: *Rushes in to tell mates*  ;D

Near the Minster is a plaque to the memory of John Goodricke, astronomer and native of York, who was, in the words of the plaque "deaf and dumb".

I was walking past it once and heard a man reading it out loud to his wife, and he said "deaf and blind". The wife did a bit of a double take, and queried it, whereupon he corrected himself.  I love the idea of a blind astronomer...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Biggsy on March 12, 2013, 10:41:53 pm
As a hearie, and sober, I have watched nearly the whole programme before noticing the person in the corner waving their arms about.

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on March 12, 2013, 11:15:18 pm
I love the idea of a blind astronomer...

I'm sure blind people are just as capable of writing bad Fortran and moaning about clouds as anyone else.  May have been more of an issue in Goodricke's day, of course...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Littlesox on March 16, 2013, 06:33:28 am
Office talk

"What day is Christmas on this year?"

"25th, I think"

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Arch on March 16, 2013, 09:26:52 am
Overheard by MFWHTBAB yesterday in IKEA

"Yeah, those boxes would be good if your bedroom was full of shit".

I think really, in that situation, you want a plumber, not storage boxes...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: CrinklyLion on March 16, 2013, 09:30:38 am
Overheard in the loos at the City Screen yesterday evening.

"Well, good luck with it.  Trust your heart.  Never your mind!  No, never your mind...."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Littlesox on March 16, 2013, 05:52:57 pm
2 lads in The Dog and Ferret Public Bar.

"Have you seen the new barmaid ?"

"Cor, yes. Nice pair of fumblies"

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Pingu on March 18, 2013, 11:29:42 am
"Peppa Pig has a lot to answer for"

 ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Arch on March 18, 2013, 01:20:41 pm
"Peppa Pig has a lot to answer for"

 ???

I bet that's something to do with jumping in muddy puddles, a favourite occupation of the Pig family.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: fboab on March 18, 2013, 02:33:09 pm
Overheard in the loos at the City Screen yesterday evening.

"Well, good luck with it.  Trust your heart.  Never your mind!  No, never your mind...."
LOL.
I once got
Quote from: colleague
Oh Linds. You've gone for personality again, haven't you?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wascally Weasel on March 18, 2013, 02:46:14 pm
Overheard in the loos at the City Screen yesterday evening.

"Well, good luck with it.  Trust your heart.  Never your mind!  No, never your mind...."
LOL.
I once got
Quote from: colleague
Oh Linds. You've gone for personality again, haven't you?

My friend Catrin, sitting in the loo in the Welsh Young Farmers club in Lampeter, once overheard the following exchange:

“Mine’s alright, don’t think much of yours though.”

“I know. Doesn’t make much difference when you’re on your back though does it really?”

That was after her being propositioned on the same night with the sexy come-on “You want to dance or what?”
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 18, 2013, 07:34:30 pm
This one will need explaining, but it made me laugh. At myself. I was listening with half an ear to Little Cudzo watching some car programme in the background, in Polish. Talking about the amazing gadgets, the presenter said "...możemy łączyć nasz telefon przez blutów." Which means "...you can connect your phone using bluts." So I'm thinking "What on earth are bluty?" Then I realised - it's not a Polish word, it's... Bluetooth! Which just happens, in the presenter's pronunciation, to sound like a Polish genitive plural, which fits the grammatical construction!  :-[  :D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jacomus on March 27, 2013, 09:56:17 am
"Underneath! You're crazy!"

 ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: PaulR on March 27, 2013, 10:24:29 am
A group of three students walked past me.  One turns to another and says "Stop being so obese!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Littlesox on March 28, 2013, 06:38:36 am
Overheard yesterday evening.

"Blimey, it's still light"

"Yes, it doesn't stay late so early after this week-end"

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: fboab on March 28, 2013, 11:00:55 am
Half of a phone conversation about to disembark
"You get used to it, honestly"
....
"Really, you acclimatise. When I stayed in Bolivia there was ice on the inside of the windows, you just get used to it"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rafletcher on March 28, 2013, 12:05:51 pm
Overheard yesterday evening.

"Blimey, it's still light"

"Yes, it doesn't stay late so early after this week-end"

Ah that reminds me of a time I was in Peterborough  "he's a young old boy, him"  "old boy" being a general appellation.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on August 12, 2013, 06:57:39 pm
It was either start a "Best Responses I've Ever Heard" thread, or come back here.

There was a small baby on the train from Carmarthen that howled constantly.  The poor mother, who was also having to deal with two other smalls, was seeming harrassed and apologetic, was getting understanding smiles of "It's OK, that's what babies do" from most of us fellow travellers.  Except one git woman who called out, "For heaven's sake, what is the matter with that baby?"
Quick as flash, mom responds, "He's probably dying for a fag!*
 ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: fboab on August 24, 2013, 03:05:05 pm
"dung beetles follow the moon"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Biff on August 24, 2013, 03:25:50 pm
"dung beetles follow the moon"

Thats a cracking title for a Frank Zappa album.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jaded on August 24, 2013, 03:45:54 pm
Which moon though?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Arch on August 24, 2013, 06:23:25 pm
Which moon though?

Poo Moon, presumably. I think Rogers and Hart wrote a song about it...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on August 27, 2013, 12:06:23 pm
Overheard yesterday, a conversation in Scots Gaelic. At least, I assume it was Scots Gaelic as the person who was talking loudly outside my window had a Scottish accent and was talking about driving to/from Dundee (the conversation was partly in English, which was clearly this man's native language - the person he was talking to was on the end of a phone, presumably in Dundee). How common is Gaelic in Dundee?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wowbagger on August 27, 2013, 01:09:35 pm
Half of a phone conversation about to disembark
"You get used to it, honestly"
....
"Really, you acclimatise. When I stayed in Bolivia there was ice on the inside of the windows, you just get used to it"

I would think that is quite possible, since La Paz is over 11,000 feet up.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: David Martin on August 27, 2013, 01:18:32 pm
How common is Gaelic in Dundee?
Not very. Are you sure he wasn't skipping into vernacular Dundonian (or Lochee)?
Gaelic and Dundonian sound quite disimilar.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rogerzilla on August 27, 2013, 03:46:45 pm
"And this Italian gentleman came in and complained that we didn't have any information in Italian, but he spoke perfect English".
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on August 27, 2013, 04:13:14 pm
How common is Gaelic in Dundee?
Not very. Are you sure he wasn't skipping into vernacular Dundonian (or Lochee)?
Gaelic and Dundonian sound quite disimilar.
Possibly, but having googled that, I don't think so. It sounded like he was switching between two languages rather than dialects, and he wasn't entirely confident in the one that wasn't English. Of course, just cos he was going to or had come from Dundee, doesn't mean he or his interlocutor necessarily lived there, but even so, it was surprising.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Moschops on August 29, 2013, 01:54:15 pm
Grandparents walking with a 4 year old girl in Goyt Valley....
Grandma: "There are lots of different kinds of nuts like: peanuts and hazelnuts"
Grandpa:" Yes, walnuts, pecan nuts"
Girl (proudly):" And ginger nuts!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on October 02, 2013, 07:10:23 pm
Not quite Overheard, more Overseen Today.
I've spent the day at our six monthly Whole Team Meeting, hosted by my Great Grand Manager.
Of course at one point it included a Death By Powerpoint section.
During the lunch break GGM decides to check her e-mails.
Only, the projector's still on, isn't it?
Interesting reading.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mattc on October 02, 2013, 07:16:01 pm
Ah that reminds me of a time I was in Peterborough  "he's a young old boy, him"  "old boy" being a general appellation.
.. which reminds me of a guy (from Oxon) I worked with in August. He called everyone an "old boy" or "old dear" in anecdotes. Took a while to get used to.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Moultonaught on October 02, 2013, 07:49:15 pm
"there are something's a boyfriend just shouldn't do, I mean, stealing my car, and my credit card and spending the night with an ex girl friend (even though he said nothing happened)....."

Here's hoping he was an ex boyfriend!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Polar Bear on October 02, 2013, 07:54:00 pm
Here's hoping that she reported the taking of the car...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: PaulF on November 27, 2013, 06:44:47 am
"Where are you going"

"Milan"

"Hey I'm going to Milan too!"

So what you may ask.

This was on the plane this morning.

To Milan! :facepalm:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Bledlow on December 02, 2013, 02:32:27 pm
Half of a phone conversation about to disembark
"You get used to it, honestly"
....
"Really, you acclimatise. When I stayed in Bolivia there was ice on the inside of the windows, you just get used to it"
I remember that from Aylesbury in the 1960s.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: tiermat on December 02, 2013, 03:37:26 pm
"Where are you going"

"Milan"

"Hey I'm going to Milan too!"

So what you may ask.

This was on the plane this morning.

To Milan! :facepalm:

What is it about planes that brings out the dumbz in people?

<scene:aeroplane interior> Me, sat next to a couple going to Barcelona for the first time.  Several minutes of chat and advice (to them) is followed by the guy saying "What are you going to Barcelona for?"

Take a guess, I am sat here in cycling gear head to toe, you saw me put my hand luggage in the overhead locker, with my bike helmet on the outside of it, go on, take a guess...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on December 02, 2013, 03:40:03 pm
Could have been a seriously kinky weekend.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: contango on December 02, 2013, 04:10:54 pm
More seriously though a lot of hearies hate the BSL terps or closed subtitles which is why there isn't more provision cos they grink the broadcasters who use it as an excuse not to provide the service. >:(

I've often wondered how hard it would be to have the signing as an option, just like subtitled used to be. That way those who need/want it could have it larger and those who don't, don't have to have it there. Maybe it could even allow for options depending on whether people use BSL, Manaton (sp?) or some other system.

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on December 02, 2013, 07:27:40 pm
More seriously though a lot of hearies hate the BSL terps or closed subtitles which is why there isn't more provision cos they grink the broadcasters who use it as an excuse not to provide the service. >:(

I've often wondered how hard it would be to have the signing as an option, just like subtitled used to be. That way those who need/want it could have it larger and those who don't, don't have to have it there.

On DVB it would need an entirely separate stream, unfortunately (and bits mean money).  The ability to do video overlay would have made the decoder prohibitively expensive when the standards were set.  Maybe next time?


Quote
Maybe it could even allow for options depending on whether people use BSL, Manaton (sp?) or some other system.

Makaton.  It's a system of a few hundred signs (many of which are frustratingly unrelated to their BSL equivalents) and symbols with no grammar.  Useful enough for its intended purpose, but not a language that you can translate things into.




To clarify, I suspect barakta meant "open subtitles" (ie. those that are part of the video stream) in the post above.  Closed subtitles (captions in leftpondian) are an overlay that can be turned on and off in the viewer's equipment, and while they're just as good at annoying hearing people, it's not a fight the broadcaster has to get involved in.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on January 08, 2014, 02:30:54 pm
I was sitting in the doctor’s waiting room on Tuesday and couldn’t avoid hearing a conversation between the receptionist and a patient who was trying to inform her of a change of address.

Receptionist:  “So, what’s your new address, Mrs. X?”

Mrs. X:  “You know the [Name of Pub], well if you turn right just after there..”

Receptionist:  “No, what is your actual address?”

Mrs. X:  “It’s near the [I didn’t catch what that was],  if you go down the Pershore Road….

Receptionist:  (Still remarkably professionally)  “No.  I don’t need directions, I just need the address.”

Mrs X.  “Well, if you come out of the surgery………..”

Receptionist:  Can you fill in this form and bring it back with you next time?  Thank you.  Next?”
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mark on January 08, 2014, 06:44:57 pm
I was sitting in the doctor’s waiting room on Tuesday and couldn’t avoid hearing a conversation between the receptionist and a patient who was trying to inform her of a change of address.

Receptionist:  “So, what’s your new address, Mrs. X?”

Mrs. X:  “You know the [Name of Pub], well if you turn right just after there..”

Receptionist:  “No, what is your actual address?”

Mrs. X:  “It’s near the [I didn’t catch what that was],  if you go down the Pershore Road….

Receptionist:  (Still remarkably professionally)  “No.  I don’t need directions, I just need the address.”

Mrs X.  “Well, if you come out of the surgery………..”

Receptionist:  Can you fill in this form and bring it back with you next time?  Thank you.  Next?”


I once moved to a town in California just after the town government had put in signs with street names for the first time. The post office didn't deliver mail to homes, so there wasn't much incentive to learn the name of the street one lived on. 5 years after the street signs were put in, I was still encountering people who didn't know the name of the street they lived on, they just called it "the road that such a and such a restaurant is on", etc. Drove the delivery people nuts...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Tim Hall on January 11, 2014, 10:50:45 am
Sitting chatting to Dad, currently laid up in hospital.  Behind the curtain in the next bed was a chap who'd been stabbed. He's talking to a 12 year old CID officer.

12 yo CID: "Were you scared?"

Chap: "Not really. I'm a born again Christian, so I know where I'm going. I just don't want to go there yet."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Pingu on February 05, 2014, 02:41:28 pm
Quote from: A visiting lady at work
I meet a lot of my clients in hotels.

 :o
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mattc on February 05, 2014, 03:28:32 pm
Quote from: A visiting lady at work
I meet a lot of my clients in hotels.

 :o
Pingu, could you be more specific about the following:
"at work" and
"lady" ?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Deano on February 19, 2014, 06:18:42 pm
One lad to his mate, on a train to Middlesbrough:

"Do you know what I wanna be when I grow up?"

"What?"

"Shakespeare."

And they say the kids of Teesside lack aspiration.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 19, 2014, 11:16:10 pm
Young woman*, probably student, to bunch of similar (m and f) coming out of cafe:
"...but it's a pain in the arse finding somewhere to park it, whereas I can just jump off the bike and..."
 :thumbsup:

*I promise this is the last time I use that phrase until I really am 70.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on May 06, 2014, 05:57:44 pm
Some bloke standing at the bar in the pub1 last night seemed to be having a rant about "the farmer cuticle industry".
Took me a while.

1 The welsh one.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 06, 2014, 06:38:37 pm
C'mon, who wouldn't want to tickle a cute farmer?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on May 06, 2014, 07:16:39 pm
I thought this was about breeding manicurists...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Paul on May 06, 2014, 11:30:09 pm
Another nail in the coffin of UK agriculture?

I'll get my lab coat...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on May 17, 2014, 10:55:34 pm
Fragment of conversation from students walking past:

"You have the same nuts as me!  Let's have a look...?"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: billplumtree on June 30, 2014, 08:31:09 pm
Onna train from Glasgow this afternoon:

"Did mum tell you she's learned how to make churros?"
"Yer mam's making her own Cheerios now?"
"CHURROS.  C-h-u-r-r-o-s.  Them Spanish donut things."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: cygnet on June 30, 2014, 10:28:14 pm
Wandering through the park at lunchtime

Quote
"and everyone knows all dogs are nazis"

 ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: jogler on July 01, 2014, 04:54:27 pm
Uttered by one of the cards-in employees.

"I'm not doing any work.That's what agency plebs are for"
 ::-)



Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Feanor on July 01, 2014, 06:40:32 pm
Told to me by guy at my work, who had been a teacher...

Girl: "..yea, what I want is to be famous, just like my dad..."
Him: "Oh? Who's your dad?  What's he famous for?"
Girl: "Oh, he's not.  He just wants to be famous too."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on July 14, 2014, 12:48:24 am
Passing zombies again:

"...the entirety of the south-west is probably *the* most useful area in this country.  London is..."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on July 19, 2014, 05:34:25 pm
Lads watching the cricket in the pub were discussing the absence of DRS.
"Even football has been kicked dragging and screaming into the 21st century."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Dibdib on July 19, 2014, 05:39:19 pm
Lads watching the cricket in the pub were discussing the absence of DRS.
"Even football has been kicked dragging and screaming into the 21st century."

Why would cricketers have adjustable rear spoilers?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on July 19, 2014, 05:43:11 pm
For the same reason that F1 drivers need a decision review system.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on July 19, 2014, 06:59:07 pm
Ackcherly, I'm really enjoying the lads' conversation.  (I can't avoid overhearing, they're on the next table to me).  They're watching the crigged whilst having a very wide ranging "life, universe and everything" chat and banter.  I'm guessing they're 23- 26 ish.  Their political opinions are very catholic and not at all tabloid headline based.
How refreshing.  So much more engaged than the kids of their age in the last two decades.
This is a good thing.
There is just the one of them who is rather out of his depth.  He begins every one of his interjections with "I'm not being funny, but........."
And, do you know?  He's right.  He's not being at all funny.
Still, they obviously love him, so that's nice.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Paul on July 19, 2014, 11:59:47 pm
Ackcherly, I'm really enjoying the lads' conversation.  (I can't avoid overhearing, they're on the next table to me).  They're watching the crigged whilst having a very wide ranging "life, universe and everything" chat and banter.  I'm guessing they're 23- 26 ish.  Their political opinions are very catholic and not at all tabloid headline based.
How refreshing.  So much more engaged than the kids of their age in the last two decades.
This is a good thing.
There is just the one of them who is rather out of his depth.  He begins every one of his interjections with "I'm not being funny, but........."
And, do you know?  He's right.  He's not being at all funny.
Still, they obviously love him, so that's nice.

That's all lovely.  :)

There's always hope.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wobbly John on November 12, 2014, 10:21:54 pm
Outside a supermarket in town, today, two guys were chatting as they smoked fags...


...they were moaning about how much sugar there is in fruit juices.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: David Martin on November 12, 2014, 10:26:38 pm

There's always hope.
Isn't that in Derbyshire, not Brum?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on November 13, 2014, 12:22:12 am
"It’s not a dangerous agent that we worry about. The precautions that we use are laid down in statute, if you like, and we would be using them if we were using something from dinosaur dung that we reanimated from 40,000 years ago."
(discussing a medical technique using attenuated herpes virus to call cancer cells)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Paul on November 13, 2014, 03:09:59 am

There's always hope.
Isn't that in Derbyshire, not Brum?
I'm from one and in the other.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on November 13, 2014, 03:58:56 pm
People in Edale are round the bend and beyond Hope.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: pdm on November 16, 2014, 02:04:58 pm
People in Edale are round the bend and beyond Hope.

Ah - but they are at the foot of the stairway to heaven (Jacob's Ladder)!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Guy on November 17, 2014, 11:31:43 am
Small boy skipping along beside his Dad

"Aww. Is the chip shop not open?"

At half past nine on Sunday morning ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Moultonaught on December 12, 2014, 07:33:09 pm
Chap on the train sat across the carriage from me talking about his experience on a recent organised bike ride, presumably a mass start event:

"I clipped my left foot in, tried to clip my right foot in, couldn't manage it, and fell over talking about 15 people with me like dominoes. ...."  :facepalm:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Pingu on January 08, 2015, 10:54:14 pm
Wearing my Foska Marmite jacket I overheard this from behind:

Quote from: Joe Public
I thought that said 'Hate Jews'.

 :-[
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 27, 2015, 03:18:50 pm
"...and when I got to the airport, I realised I'd left my passport in the toilet. But it was in the other toilet."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 27, 2015, 03:32:17 pm
I'm not sure this one really counts as overheard, seeing as I took part in it, but it wasn't initially directed towards me.

Son, to his mother: "That's too much kanapki."

Me, interrupting: "You mean 'Too many kanapek'!"

I know all the kids use much for countables nowadays, but in some languages at least, you should still distinguish between nominative and genitive.  ::-)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Andrij on February 27, 2015, 03:43:47 pm
I'm not sure this one really counts as overheard, seeing as I took part in it, but it wasn't initially directed towards me.

Son, to his mother: "That's too much kanapki."

Me, interrupting: "You mean 'Too many kanapek'!"

I know all the kids use much for countables nowadays, but in some languages at least, you should still distinguish between nominative and genitive.  ::-)

 :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on March 04, 2015, 10:51:25 pm
Voice outside just now:  "WHYY??  It's so COLD!"

(Sensor currently reads 3.4C, so I can't disagree.)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: essexian on March 05, 2015, 02:31:40 pm
Overheard at the bus stop yesterday…. Picture the scene… female aged 17 to 21 talking loudly on her mobile phone:

Female: “Yes, like it was so unfair…. Okay I did phone her and leave a voicemail on her phone saying that I would stamp on her head until she was dead and then do the same to her boyfriend but did she need to phone the police and get me arrested??!!!! It’s so unfair.”

Got to say I had to walk away as I was laughing so much…… I supposed you had to be there but it sounded so funny to me!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: MikeFromLFE on March 06, 2015, 05:12:43 pm
Old bloke at the allotment today: "I've got a new phone, too bloody complicated for its own good, mind you the battery's good on it now I'm not using it so much"
Uh?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on March 06, 2015, 05:34:40 pm
Old bloke at the allotment today: "I've got a new phone, too bloody complicated for its own good, mind you the battery's good on it now I'm not using it so much"
Uh?

Handed in a leash at retirement?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on March 16, 2015, 05:48:46 pm
"Hello?  I'm in Sainsbury's.  Yeah, I'm just waiting for him to decide which type of balsamic vinegar he wants."

They don't make students like they used to.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Palinurus on March 19, 2015, 12:48:17 pm
'Michael Faraday? he did the Riverdance thing?'
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Marco Stefano on March 23, 2015, 08:22:19 am
Driving with pair of Useless Colleagues across Norfolk last week, on road past Marham:

UC1: I don't like this road.

UC2: Yeah, it's a bit of a roller-coaster, isn't it?

UC1: I don't like it; it's too long.

Perhaps she would prefer it to end in the middle of a field in a few hundred metres? Wouldn't get her to where she was going, but at least it wouldn't be too long...  ::-)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Moultonaught on March 23, 2015, 05:17:26 pm
On the train this evening. Chap on phone across the carriage

"To be honest we didn't really have a defence in terms of furnishing false documents..."

I enjoyed it... The judge was pleasant I thought 6 and a half years was quite light really....."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: jsabine on March 23, 2015, 06:25:19 pm
On the train this evening. Chap on phone across the carriage

"To be honest we didn't really have a defence in terms of furnishing false documents..."

I enjoyed it... The judge was pleasant I thought 6 and a half years was quite light really....."

Easy for him to say. The client's going down, and he still gets paid.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on March 23, 2015, 07:44:54 pm
Whatever happened to confidentiality?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on March 23, 2015, 10:01:59 pm
Whatever happened to confidentiality?

That only applies when you try to access your own case notes.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on March 23, 2015, 10:11:19 pm
On the train this evening. Chap on phone across the carriage

"To be honest we didn't really have a defence in terms of furnishing false documents..."

I enjoyed it... The judge was pleasant I thought 6 and a half years was quite light really....."

Easy for him to say. The client's going down, and he still gets paid.

Yebbut it sounds like he didn't have a leg on which to stand. It can't be easy defending someone who is, by all accounts, guilty.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Paul on April 03, 2015, 05:16:48 pm
Nurse: "Do you want the blue [needle] or the orange one?"

Doc: "I can't tell the difference. Which one's cheaper?"

Nurse: "I don't know. [Struggling to remove needle from packaging] I really should have glasses!"

Me (sitting inches away, waiting for the doc to cut a mole off my neck): "I find your pre-op banter slightly unnerving."

(It all went fine)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Polar Bear on April 03, 2015, 05:56:31 pm
On the train this evening. Chap on phone across the carriage

"To be honest we didn't really have a defence in terms of furnishing false documents..."

I enjoyed it... The judge was pleasant I thought 6 and a half years was quite light really....."

I've been in one on the other end of false documents.   I spotted the forgery, the judge chewed up the other side and spat them out unceremoniously.

There was no prison sentence involved...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Bledlow on April 12, 2015, 11:46:40 pm
On the train this evening. Chap on phone across the carriage

"To be honest we didn't really have a defence in terms of furnishing false documents..."

I enjoyed it... The judge was pleasant I thought 6 and a half years was quite light really....."

Easy for him to say. The client's going down, and he still gets paid.

Yebbut it sounds like he didn't have a leg on which to stand. It can't be easy defending someone who is, by all accounts, guilty.
I was once a witness in a trial for assault. The first defence lawyer rattled me a bit, being better than me at it, but he still didn't look happy. Then the other one started - & I almost laughed, because it was obvious that the two defendants had told different stories. This lawyer looked even more unhappy.

The prosecution barrister (a very young-looking, fresh-faced bloke) was very cheerful, though. Grinning like a Cheshire cat, as he simply took me through the significant parts of my statement, & had me show where I was coming from (a pub) & going to (my home) on a map (thus, apparently, showing up inconsistencies & nonsenses in their statements). He had a couple more witnesses telling the same story as mine, as well - or so I believe, because it was true, & they had no more reason to lie than I did.

The defendants were guilty as hell, & everyone knew it, including their lawyers, who knew they didn't have a chance. I reckon one was pretty pleased that his client walked out, his time inside waiting for trial (because he'd been caught red-handed driving a stolen car or something while out on bail) having been offset against all of his sentence.

I expect that barristers are used to undefendable (because it's obvious they're guilty) clients.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on April 14, 2015, 09:38:54 am
Sitting in a pub in deepest, darkest Surrey waiting for someone, there's a table of OAPs next to mine. They were wondering amongst themselves what to call people of non-white skin persuasions in our brave new world, and how unfair it was those delightful terms of yore had been pushed out of usage, after all, it's 'our' country and 'we should be able to call them what we like'. It's not all bad though, they wouldn't use those terms in 'their' country. That's 'polite', apparently.

It goes without saying there was a copy of the Daily Mail on their table.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Tigerrr on April 14, 2015, 10:09:54 am
Thornbury near Bristol.
"she's on antibitotics now".
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on April 27, 2015, 05:31:55 pm
Phone conversation on today's train.

"It's like signing your own death bed."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: pcolbeck on May 01, 2015, 11:56:23 am
Walking past two middle class ladies walking their dogs the other day:

 "and camel toe doesn't begin to describe it".
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on May 02, 2015, 06:21:56 pm
Not really 'overheard', as the words were being spoken to me.

Mrs. B in the supermarket today, "and a box set of tinned tomatoes"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Polar Bear on May 02, 2015, 06:41:58 pm
In Rugby town centre today - walking along and a couple probably in their twenties passed the other way.

Him:   Are we staying in tonight?

Her:   Well, it is a spank holiday weekend.

Both:   Giggles 
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: PeteB99 on May 03, 2015, 11:22:42 am
At the supermarket checkout yesterday

Small girl aged maybe 4, head buried in mums skirt and hanging onto her leg wailing "I didn't do it, it was someone else"

 ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 03, 2015, 10:11:29 pm
- Coffee with milk, please.
- Black or white?
- Black with milk.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: billplumtree on May 04, 2015, 12:59:50 pm
On Saturday, between two apparent strangers:

"She's just had it, it's a girl!"
"Oh good, that'll please a lot of folk."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on May 06, 2015, 12:43:22 am
"...no I'm from the 'hood part of Croydon, I don't really know about the north."

In Selly Oak Aldi.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jaded on May 06, 2015, 12:34:28 pm
"We'll go for the three o'clock to Bristol. That's the one that leaves at fifteen hundred hours."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on May 06, 2015, 01:10:40 pm
Nicked from twitter where someone heard it in an Edinburgh shop "it's pishing down so much I thought the Festival was about to start."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Feanor on May 06, 2015, 07:55:49 pm
Sat in a restaurant in London, the conversation of the American couple at the next table drifts in and out.
She is distracted by her phone and frequently pauses mid-sentence to tap out a reply.

I caught this snippet...

"...yea, so skid-marks all over my ass...
...
...
...
phalt driveway."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on May 06, 2015, 09:18:31 pm
Sat in a restaurant in London, the conversation of the American couple at the next table drifts in and out.
She is distracted by her phone and frequently pauses mid-sentence to tap out a reply.

I caught this snippet...

"...yea, so skid-marks all over my ass...
...
...
...
phalt driveway."

Bet she was wearing khaki pants, too.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 07, 2015, 09:17:09 am
Two men walking towards a polling station: "I tried skunk but I couldn't stand the smell"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: scott on May 14, 2015, 04:18:37 am
Two men walking towards a polling station: "I tried skunk but I couldn't stand the smell"

there must be an explanation, but I don't want to know.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: billplumtree on May 14, 2015, 01:09:53 pm
In the cafe in Arnside:
Quote
Pizza?  No thank you, we don't like foreign food.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: T42 on May 25, 2015, 02:14:44 pm
At my not-quite-LBS the other week:

"Titanium's just another variety of steel, right?"

Fortunately not from the owner.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mrs Pingu on May 25, 2015, 07:43:16 pm
Two men walking towards a polling station: "I tried skunk but I couldn't stand the smell"

there must be an explanation, but I don't want to know.

Note for Leftpondian cousins. Skunk, n, super-strength weed.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Vince on May 27, 2015, 11:15:41 am
Two men walking towards a polling station: "I tried skunk but I couldn't stand the smell"

there must be an explanation, but I don't want to know.

Note for Leftpondian cousins. Skunk, n, super-strength weed.
I had the correct meaning the first time I read this. Now I can't get the image of someone smoking a small North American mammal out of my mind.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 27, 2015, 01:25:03 pm
Oh, it was definitely a variety of Cannabis sativa (or is it C. indica? Or are they perhaps alternative names for the same plant?) they were talking about.

Fox-piss is what it is, apparently.
[quote from pikiweedia]Etymology[edit]
1630s, squunck, from a southern New England Algonquian language (probably Abenaki) seganku, from Proto-Algonquian */šeka:kwa/, from */šek-/ "to urinate" + */-a:kw/ "fox." As an insult, attested from 1841. Skunk cabbage is attested from 1751; earlier skunkweed (1738).[1] In 1634, a skunk was described in the Jesuit Relations:

The other is a low animal, about the size of a little dog or cat. I mention it here, not on account of its excellence, but to make of it a symbol of sin. I have seen three or four of them. It has black fur, quite beautiful and shining; and has upon its back two perfectly white stripes, which join near the neck and tail, making an oval which adds greatly to their grace. The tail is bushy and well furnished with hair, like the tail of a Fox; it carries it curled back like that of a Squirrel. It is more white than black; and, at the first glance, you would say, especially when it walks, that it ought to be called Jupiter's little dog. But it is so stinking, and casts so foul an odor, that it is unworthy of being called the dog of Pluto. No sewer ever smelled so bad. I would not have believed it if I had not smelled it myself. Your heart almost fails you when you approach the animal; two have been killed in our court, and several days afterward there was such a dreadful odor throughout our house that we could not endure it. I believe the sin smelled by Saint Catherine de Sienne must have had the same vile odor.[2][/quote]
Skunk weed way back in 1738, eh?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on May 27, 2015, 01:30:19 pm
Hmmm. That mentions nothing about the animal speaking with a French accent and regularly falling in love with a black cat which has had an accident with a paintbrush.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wascally Weasel on May 27, 2015, 01:39:51 pm
Hmmm. That mentions nothing about the animal speaking with a French accent and regularly falling in love with a black cat which has had an accident with a paintbrush.

 <Meninist>

We’re not allowed to mention that anymore because Feminazis.

</Meninist>

Actually I did always feel sorry for the cat.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 27, 2015, 01:44:48 pm
Took me a second to realise Meninist wasn't referring to some obscure role played by skunks in the First World War. Perhaps there was a dastardly Bosch plot to train skunks to crawl into BRITISH trenches?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on May 27, 2015, 03:17:15 pm
They always goet up early, yer Larxist-Meninists.

Also C. indica tends to grow lower and more spread out; C. sativa plants are tall, thin and more suitable for growing under artficial light in a wardrobe.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wascally Weasel on May 27, 2015, 03:18:48 pm
They always goet up early, yer Larxist-Meninists.

Also C. indica tends to grow lower and more spread out; C. sativa plants are tall, thin and more suitable for growing under artficial light in a wardrobe.

"Wot Larx, Pip!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Ham on May 27, 2015, 04:25:49 pm
Took me a second to realise Meninist wasn't referring to some obscure role played by skunks in the First World War. Perhaps there was a dastardly Bosch plot to train skunks to crawl into BRITISH trenches?

Sending them in armed with cordless power drills, eh?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 27, 2015, 05:21:39 pm
I never quite got the reasoning behind spelling it Boche. Makes it looks French. I suppose it's Krauts begin at Calais.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Ham on May 27, 2015, 05:25:41 pm
I never quite got the reasoning behind spelling it Boche. Makes it looks French. I suppose it's Krauts begin at Calais.

Quote
1885-90; < French, aphetic variant of Alboche German, equivalent to al(lemand) German + (ca)boche blockhead, head of a nail
Usage note
This term was originally French slang, perhaps from the Franco-Prussian War. In English, it appears today only in historical contexts.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 27, 2015, 05:32:21 pm
So a boche is a German who hasn't a clout!









 ::-)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on May 27, 2015, 06:52:32 pm
Ne'er cast a clout
Till May be out

Seems les Boches weren't paying much attention to this in 1940.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on June 17, 2015, 05:54:28 pm
"...so I just laid into her with maths."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Torslanda on June 18, 2015, 12:14:19 am
Male partner "Look! There's one o' them balancing bikes. In the shop window..."
Female partner (who really, REALLY, can't be arsed) "Yer, well . . .It's OK but he'll need stabilisers"

What. The. Actual. Fuck. ?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: canny colin on June 18, 2015, 11:50:11 pm
Little old lady  to  Truck driver  " It's about a mile and a half but not in a big lorry like that ". 
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on June 19, 2015, 11:01:41 am
Male partner "Look! There's one o' them balancing bikes. In the shop window..."
Female partner (who really, REALLY, can't be arsed) "Yer, well . . .It's OK but he'll need stabilisers"

What. The. Actual. Fuck. ?
Zimplez. He wants to get a balance bike for their small sprocket. She reckons a bike with stabilisers is more appropriate. Perhaps. Might have been the wrong shop window, of course.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on June 20, 2015, 01:14:02 am
Little old lady  to  Truck driver  " It's about a mile and a half but not in a big lorry like that ".

Little old lady might know of lorry-banned roads...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: canny colin on June 20, 2015, 11:52:29 am
Afraid not hellymedic .  It is straight up the main road A 695. I would have butted in but her instructions were spot on till the big lorry bit . No harm was done just made every one smile a bit more . I should have made it clearer sorry colin .
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jurek on June 20, 2015, 12:06:06 pm
Last weekend, in the cafe I was paying with a £20 note for my £9.20 breakfast.
Girl 1 (with a look of unbridled panic on her face) to Girl 2 - Have you got a calculator? The till's not working, and I've go to give change for nine twenty from a twenty pound note.
Girl 2 - Ten pounds eighty
Girl 1 (with a look of awe on her face) You're goooood
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on June 20, 2015, 12:33:03 pm
Afraid not hellymedic .  It is straight up the main road A 695. I would have butted in but her instructions were spot on till the big lorry bit . No harm was done just made every one smile a bit more . I should have made it clearer sorry colin .

Thanks for clarification cc!
Spose the chaos in news about Big Trucks in Small Places had entered my brain...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on June 20, 2015, 02:35:13 pm
Last weekend, in the cafe I was paying with a £20 note for my £9.20 breakfast.
Girl 1 (with a look of unbridled panic on her face) to Girl 2 - Have you got a calculator? The till's not working, and I've go to give change for nine twenty from a twenty pound note.
Girl 2 - Ten pounds eighty
Girl 1 (with a look of awe on her face) You're goooood
The other week, my shopping came to £10.55. I gave cashier a £20 note, a 50p coin and a 5p coin (cos I like to get rid of coins). He had to work out the change on a calculator.  :( :facepalm:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: jsabine on June 21, 2015, 11:44:11 pm
Last weekend, in the cafe I was paying with a £20 note for my £9.20 breakfast.
Girl 1 (with a look of unbridled panic on her face) to Girl 2 - Have you got a calculator? The till's not working, and I've go to give change for nine twenty from a twenty pound note.
Girl 2 - Ten pounds eighty
Girl 1 (with a look of awe on her face) You're goooood
The other week, my shopping came to £10.55. I gave cashier a £20 note, a 50p coin and a 5p coin (cos I like to get rid of coins). He had to work out the change on a calculator.  :( :facepalm:

In that sort of situation, if there's any hint of a panicked look I'll quite often say something like "If I give you the 55, can you give me a tenner back?" Helps to point towards the solution ...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on June 22, 2015, 09:01:00 am
Thing was, I'd already said that (I often do, cos I like to get rid of change). He still got confused and needed to check.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: tiermat on June 22, 2015, 10:45:49 am
Last weekend, in the cafe I was paying with a £20 note for my £9.20 breakfast.
Girl 1 (with a look of unbridled panic on her face) to Girl 2 - Have you got a calculator? The till's not working, and I've go to give change for nine twenty from a twenty pound note.
Girl 2 - Ten pounds eighty
Girl 1 (with a look of awe on her face) You're goooood
The other week, my shopping came to £10.55. I gave cashier a £20 note, a 50p coin and a 5p coin (cos I like to get rid of coins). He had to work out the change on a calculator.  :( :facepalm:

In that sort of situation, if there's any hint of a panicked look I'll quite often say something like "If I give you the 55, can you give me a tenner back?" Helps to point towards the solution ...

Or say "Hang on a mo, I have the 55p, if that helps, so I don't take all your change" cue light of realisation....
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on June 22, 2015, 11:23:31 am
' I know what lethargic means but what does lethargy mean?'   ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wowbagger on June 23, 2015, 10:03:16 pm
I always imagined it to be a lurgy that takes you lethe-wards.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: barakta on June 24, 2015, 02:33:16 pm
Sadly one way con people con shop assistants is verbal games about "if I give you X and you give me Y then I give you Z then...." and only later does poor befuddled conned shop assistant discover the till is down by £20 or £10 or something. 

My older sister got someone doing this when she was 16 working in her first shop job, she had even asked the manager to come down from the upstairs via intercom to help her and they refused - then blamed her and docked the shortfall out of her low wages at the end of the day... She was really upset because no one had warned her about this sort of trick and when she'd asked for help it had been denied... 
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mark on June 24, 2015, 06:53:52 pm
Like this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60ePD3hg73g
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on June 25, 2015, 03:00:05 pm
From HONY (google if you don't know what that is)

Quote
It's hard to talk to girls. I try not to look at them as girls, and just look at them as people, but it's hard. Because they look like girls.

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Andrij on August 09, 2015, 07:16:37 pm
On the patio at the Barmy Arms, Twickenham, early Friday afternoon:
Quote
These days I am listening to nothing but Chopin.  And that other geezer.

Unfortunately I didn't catch what came immediately before/after. :(

I was going to submit it to Time Out, which also collects such things, but it appears submission is by via Twatter (#wordonthestreet).  I do not 'tweet'.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Paul on August 09, 2015, 08:40:19 pm
I do not 'tweet'.

I'll have that as my 'overheard today', and I'll join any gang you care to start.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Ruthie on August 09, 2015, 10:05:53 pm
"Daddy?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided to give my blood to Satan."
"Oh!"

Long pause.

"I'm glad you decided to talk to me first.  I think you need to think really carefully about that, it's a big decision.  And when Satan's got your blood, it might be hard to get it back off him."

What an excellent dad!  Little boy was about seven  ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: fboab on August 31, 2015, 04:13:47 pm
"Aunty Emma can hear everything you say, and I'm starting to get a bit embarrassed about some of the things you're saying"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on September 08, 2015, 02:24:18 am
Don the Receptionist and Nice Lady Guest are discussing children and how best to cook them (I think, I missed that bit).  NLG relates how she threw her drunk/stoned 17 y/o daughter out of the house while said daughter was clad in naught but a bath towel.

"She shoulda expected whup-ass from someone who spent thirty years at a nursing station.  [Pause] Whup-ass with fifty shades o' hillbilly!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on September 18, 2015, 12:08:35 pm
Not overheard by me, but by a colleague, who swears she heard the following announcement at Mordor Central this week.
"The (time) service to Longbridge has been cancelled.  This is due to the unusually high number of passengers"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: DDCyclist on October 31, 2015, 02:44:15 pm
Overheard at a recent funeral.

The deceased was being buried/cremated/whatever in a wicker coffin. A little old lady was singing the praises of the environmentally friendl(ier) choice.

"I really like them. You'll be able to breathe in them."  ::-)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: DDCyclist on October 31, 2015, 02:47:26 pm
Overheard at a food fair.

"I like Turkish Delight. Not the stuff you get in sweet shops. I mean the proper Turkish Delight - just like they make in Egypt ..."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: DDCyclist on October 31, 2015, 03:03:59 pm
Overheard (many years ago) in the Milton Keynes branch of Early Learning.

A resounding slap behind me, followed by "I've told you not to f***ing swear like that!"

I turned round to see a lad of about 8 holding the side of his head.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: DDCyclist on October 31, 2015, 03:10:52 pm
In a supermarket (many years ago) I overheard a mum send one of her minions helpers children to pick out some peppers at the distant end of the fruit and veg aisle. Off he went to do his chore, then (shouting the full length of the aisle) "Mum, do you want red ones, green ones or yellow ones?"

The response - shouting the full length of the aisle - "I've told you not to shout like that in the supermarket."  :facepalm:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: scott on November 02, 2015, 03:04:04 pm
Best line overheard on Halloween: "My teeth fell on the ground!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: T42 on November 04, 2015, 03:39:25 pm
Not today but years & years ago: the missus accidentally looking at a photo in the paper:

"Wow, look at the size of the Oxford mens' cox!"

'Twas Boat Race week.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Polar Bear on November 05, 2015, 08:59:48 am
On the bus last night I wa sitting in front of two women talking:

Woman 1:   Sophie and James are going to buy their first house.

Woman 2:   My nephew is trying to buy but he can't get a big enough mortgage.

Woman 1:   Sophie got a 105% mortgage.

Woman 2:    Where from?

Woman 1:    I don't know but I'll text her and ask.


Scary isn't it that we're already back to mortgages for more than the perceived value of the property that they are secured against?   

Oh, the SEARCH function works brill again.    :thumbsup:  :thumbsup:  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Giraffe on November 05, 2015, 10:50:09 am
On bus yesterday, the local fount of all knowledge was being his usual generous self, asserting that argon gas from the ground is in the houses and it could cause cancer.
The detector that I used was for radon - should I be worried?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on November 05, 2015, 01:25:19 pm
Radon is the one to be aware of as far as  I know, and this (for practical purposes), only in certain parts of the country. Your local building control office should be able to advise.

http://www.ukradon.org/information/ukmaps
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Giraffe on November 06, 2015, 06:01:50 pm
Thanks for the link, but I had the test kit some years ago and it was significant but not too high with some ventilation.
After 49 years in this house I'm probably past caring!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on November 09, 2015, 01:12:44 pm
Two young lads in Guildford:

'...and then the canapes are never out before five thirty....'
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on November 26, 2015, 02:56:57 pm
In Morrison’s at lunch time.

“He sent me a bookit”

“Eh?  A bucket?”

“No.  A bookit.  A bookit of flowers”

“He sent you a bucket of flowers??!!”

“No.  Flowers!!!”

(Works better with a strong Brummie accent)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on November 26, 2015, 04:15:38 pm
Conversation between two of my (bus) travelling companions*:

"We'll be home soon. I keep calling it that, I guess it is home for now."

"Don't be soft. I'm been in for 14 years and I've never once called it that."

(*inmates from a women's open prison, on their way to day release work)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on November 26, 2015, 06:31:30 pm
"Oh, that's clever!  You can ride your bike without going anywhere!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: barakta on November 27, 2015, 11:46:25 am
*giggles at Basil*
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jakob W on December 12, 2015, 08:36:24 pm
From a child on the train: "I wouldn't want to be that Harry Potter - Voldemort on his case all the time..."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: nikki on December 12, 2015, 10:27:10 pm

Him: ...on the...
Her: squishy bit?
Him: on the really squishy bit
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Andrij on December 14, 2015, 10:14:57 am
From TimeOut's Overheard in London: this week’s #wordonthestreet (http://www.timeout.com/london/blog/overheard-in-london-this-weeks-wordonthestreet-121115)
Quote
I never leave Walthamstow.  It's like a posh prison.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on December 14, 2015, 11:20:10 am

Him: ...on the...
Her: squishy bit?
Him: on the really squishy bit
If you actually overheard that on the 12th, I want to know where! Warmley cafe?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on December 14, 2015, 06:45:19 pm
From TimeOut's Overheard in London: this week’s #wordonthestreet (http://www.timeout.com/london/blog/overheard-in-london-this-weeks-wordonthestreet-121115)
Quote
I never leave Walthamstow.  It's like a posh prison.

That ^^^^ is wrong on so many levels.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: nikki on December 14, 2015, 10:34:07 pm

Him: ...on the...
Her: squishy bit?
Him: on the really squishy bit
If you actually overheard that on the 12th, I want to know where! Warmley cafe?

Nah, it was a belated remembering of walking back through Clifton the night before.  ;D

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wowbagger on December 14, 2015, 10:35:19 pm

Him: ...on the...
Her: squishy bit?
Him: on the really squishy bit
If you actually overheard that on the 12th, I want to know where! Warmley cafe?

Nah, it was a belated remembering of walking back through Clifton the night before.  ;D

For a moment I wondered whether it was from an adjacent tent.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on January 13, 2016, 06:24:19 pm
"Yeah, he converted from Christian to Roman Catholic"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: SteveC on January 13, 2016, 06:47:53 pm
"Yeah, he converted from Christian to Roman Catholic"
I know of evangelicals who don't consider Catholics to be Christians.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Redlight on January 13, 2016, 09:03:31 pm
I think I can officially say that the area in which I live is going upmarket - on Sunday, in the local park, I overheard a small child being addressed as "Guinevere"

Heaven help her when sh's a teenager.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on January 13, 2016, 09:07:34 pm
I'll raise you a Ridley and Camomile. They were so posh they made the Queen sound like she was from Erith.

And somewhere in south London there's a kid called Awesome.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on January 13, 2016, 09:16:06 pm
I think I can officially say that the area in which I live is going upmarket - on Sunday, in the local park, I overheard a small child being addressed as "Guinevere"

Heaven help her when sh's a teenager.

Teenagers are remarkably sensible about choosing the names they use despite their parents.
Duncan Jones sounds plainer than Zowie Bowie...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on January 13, 2016, 10:09:52 pm
His full name is Duncan Zowie Haywood Jones though.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on January 13, 2016, 10:18:05 pm
I don't use my middle name either.
Duncan styled himself when he was 18.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on January 14, 2016, 09:46:56 am
I don't have a middle name. Oh go on, I bet it's something really embarrassing. No, really I don't. Neither do my parents. Possibly they couldn't afford the middle name tax. My wife, on the other hand, doesn't use her first name and defaults to her middle which is a constant confusion. Yes dear, they won't let you get on the plane.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: barakta on January 14, 2016, 10:17:17 am
I eradicated my middle name by dint of stat dec of name change :D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wowbagger on January 14, 2016, 10:20:23 am
For a reason I never understood and it is now too late to find out, my parents named their four sons with a solitary name each, whilst their two daughters have two each.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on January 14, 2016, 10:30:49 am
No middle names seems to common on both sides of my family, my inlaws do that genealogy thing and having run out of their own family have started on mine, and it causes them consternation with searching. Though my maternal grandmother Flo turned out to be a flowery Florence Amelia. They were evidently posher in Belper.

Yeah, from fairground bare-knuckle fighters to effete thought leader with tidy hair in just three generations.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Feanor on January 14, 2016, 11:26:16 am
It's not unknown for Leftpondians to have a middle initial which doesn't stand for anything; it's just an initial.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hatler on January 14, 2016, 11:55:26 am
And to aimlessly bolt Jr (the) III on the end as well.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on January 14, 2016, 12:18:02 pm
My real name is Cudzo Z. Iemec the IVth.  ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Clare on January 14, 2016, 12:21:31 pm
My real name is Cudzo Z. Iemec the IVth.

Introvenouth? that's an odd surname.

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on January 14, 2016, 12:27:01 pm
I don't have a middle name but my younger brother does. This is, of course, proof that my parents love him more than they love me.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on January 14, 2016, 12:27:55 pm
My real name is Cudzo Z. Iemec the IVth.

Introvenouth? that's an odd surname.
You all might know my pa, Cudzo Z. Iemec the Hypodermith. And my ol granpappy, Cudzo Z. Iemec the Vermouth.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: barakta on January 14, 2016, 12:57:39 pm
My younger sister has TWO middle names, the rest of us only got one. There were reasons... I still think her full name if she double-barrelled her married name to her maiden-name would be the most hilarious thing in the world...

My sisters each have one child, each child has TWO middle names...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on January 14, 2016, 03:27:42 pm
For a reason I never understood and it is now too late to find out, my parents named their four sons with a solitary name each, whilst their two daughters have two each.

My parents gave us two names each but felt they had to be more careful about the girls' names, which might change, than the boys' names that would not.

I suspect your parents had similar thoughts.

My Dad has only one given name but his late three sisters all had at least two given names.
Perhaps such was commonplace in days of yore.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on January 14, 2016, 03:57:55 pm
Mrs Larrington (decd.) had two given names, as does her twin sister, but the third sister had three.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: SteveC on January 14, 2016, 06:28:25 pm
I knew someone from a family of four girls and one boy. The boy had two names, all the girls just the one. My friend seemed to think this was perfectly normal, even the 'correct' thing to do.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on January 15, 2016, 12:19:48 am
Dad's email address is rather elegant; a whole 14 characters which include his full name & .com.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: fboab on January 15, 2016, 06:41:23 am
One of the many ways in which I'm special - er than my sisters is that I have a middle name and they don't,
Another is that they have other issues with their single forename - my elder sister's is an abbreviated form on her birth certificate and my poor younger sister has spent her whole life having to admit that her dad did it and can't spell and no it doesn't have an I.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: asterix on January 15, 2016, 07:08:39 am
I've 2 middle names and share my first name with a cousin. It's all very odd.

Also, if I lose my only birth cert, officially I will cease to exist and may be doomed to spend the rest of my life in stateless limbo.  It's the original issued in an outpost of the Empire.  I am unrecorded on govt. records and the regime in my country of birth claims not to have anything either.  A kindly solicitor friend has provided me with an alternative attestation that usually enables me to avoid parting with the real thing.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on January 15, 2016, 10:50:44 am
My birth certificate is in a registry office in Poland. That's what they do there when you get married. Turns out they're not supposed to do this with FURRINS but they didn't know and neither did I. As to why they do this, I don't know.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on January 15, 2016, 01:26:55 pm
Mine's somewhere in my parents' house.  Might as well be Poland.  I got a new copy issued years ago in order to prove that I can fill in forms.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Ruthie on January 24, 2016, 11:59:07 am
"I stopped doing Facebook.  I don't need to see a photograph when my cousin's sister-in-law's daughter gets a new tent."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Bledlow on January 24, 2016, 11:13:41 pm
My relatives of my generation all have two forenames. Same for the previous generation. Before that it varies. My maternal grandfather had one, but my grandmother had three, like her Danish father & his entire family.

Mrs B has one. I understand that this is standard in Japan.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Steph on January 24, 2016, 11:52:00 pm
I do remember a gent who was...blessed... with 14 first names. His parents were clearly fans of 19th and early 20th C adventure stories, because many of his names were associated, such as 'Rider', 'Haggard', 'Quatermain' and so on. Thankfully, he had neither 'SWMBO' nor 'Ayesha'.

He did, however, have 'Umslopogaas'.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: spesh on January 24, 2016, 11:59:10 pm
I do remember a gent who was...blessed... with 14 first names. His parents were clearly fans of 19th and early 20th C adventure stories, because many of his names were associated, such as 'Rider', 'Haggard', 'Quatermain' and so on. Thankfully, he had neither 'SWMBO' nor 'Ayesha'.

He did, however, have 'Umslopogaas'.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDPqB9i1ScY :demon:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on January 25, 2016, 11:29:14 am
"I stopped doing Facebook.  I don't need to see a photograph when my cousin's sister-in-law's daughter gets a new tent."
Whereas...New tent?  Cool! :D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on January 29, 2016, 07:14:51 pm
"Yeah well, the reason I get up early is so I can grab the remote"

Wtf?
Basil just boggles.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Torslanda on February 28, 2016, 01:02:00 am
Two ladies in the Tesco filling station discussing a colleague's domestic affairs.

One said 'Her boyfriend lives in the posh part of Salford'

I said 'There's no such place . . .'
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on February 29, 2016, 03:04:02 pm
Two ladies in the Tesco filling station discussing a colleague's domestic affairs.

One said 'Her boyfriend lives in the posh part of Salford'

I said 'There's no such place . . .'

I'm sure MAC can tell you of the posher parts of M7...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Polar Bear on February 29, 2016, 04:34:41 pm
Idiot 1:   I've gotta get to the Post Office to buy my car tax before it closes.

Idiot 2:   You can buy it online now.

Idiot 1:   Really.  What time does it close online?

Idiot 2:   Dunno. 
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 20, 2016, 02:59:35 pm
On yesterday's audax, a non-audaxing cyclist to his mate, referring to me: His saddle bag is even bigger than mine!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on March 20, 2016, 05:43:59 pm
'You know ISIS?  Them terrorists.  Some idiot posted on Facebook that there had been an attack in Croydon and there were 27 dead'
'Were there?'
'No.  Just shows what sort of rubbish idiots can post'
'Ooh, that's terrible!'
'There was nothing on the BBC or the other news about it. He'd just made it up'
'Still...27 dead!'

:facepalm:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: meddyg on March 20, 2016, 07:28:32 pm
Quote
Two ladies in the Tesco filling station discussing a colleague's domestic affairs.

One said 'Her boyfriend lives in the posh part of Salford'

I said 'There's no such place . . .'


I thought Buile Hill was OK when I walked there with the dog last weekend -pleasant Victorian houses, elevated position above the grime. (My daughter lives in the posh part of Ordsall !)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: PeteB99 on March 21, 2016, 10:36:25 am
Two ladies in the Tesco filling station discussing a colleague's domestic affairs.

One said 'Her boyfriend lives in the posh part of Salford'

I said 'There's no such place . . .'

An ex girlfriends parents lived in Worsley. They always insisted it was in Lancashire not Salford ::-)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on March 21, 2016, 05:06:26 pm
One side of a phone conversation overheard today.

"So what did you have for dinner last night?"
[""]
"Chicken?"
[""]
"What, proper chicken?"

*boggle*
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on March 21, 2016, 05:47:10 pm
As opposed to "tastes like" chicken, presumably.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on March 21, 2016, 07:15:26 pm
One side of a phone conversation overheard today.

"So what did you have for dinner last night?"
[""]
"Chicken?"
[""]
"What, proper chicken?"

*boggle*

Actually, having thought about it, my guess is that "Proper chicken" may have been referring to a whole bird, roasted in the oven, as opposed to a pack of chicken breast chopped up and made into a curry or something.
If so, I sort of get it.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Nuncio on March 21, 2016, 07:23:53 pm
"My little toe's so small I don't see the point of it.  It may as well not be there"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mattc on March 21, 2016, 08:05:04 pm
'You know ISIS?  Them terrorists.  Some idiot posted on Facebook that there had been an attack in Croydon and there were 27 dead'
'Were there?'
'No.  Just shows what sort of rubbish idiots can post'
'Ooh, that's terrible!'
'There was nothing on the BBC or the other news about it. He'd just made it up'
'Still...27 dead!'

:facepalm:
Brilliant.

(The sad thing is, this reflects deep truths about human behaviour. I have no trouble believing this conversation!)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Bledlow on March 22, 2016, 12:16:00 am
One side of a phone conversation overheard today.

"So what did you have for dinner last night?"
[""]
"Chicken?"
[""]
"What, proper chicken?"

*boggle*

Actually, having thought about it, my guess is that "Proper chicken" may have been referring to a whole bird, roasted in the oven, as opposed to a pack of chicken breast chopped up and made into a curry or something.
If so, I sort of get it.
Yeah. I had the same thought, also not immediately.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: woollypigs on March 22, 2016, 02:40:41 pm
Baby in supermarket trolley talking away in a proper baby while busy with toy (yes lots and lots of drool). Mum comes back with goodies to put into the trolley and goes - now that is a good story.

Which made me smile :)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on April 12, 2016, 02:52:54 pm
"When I was a child the gutters were running with blood."

A man in his 60s reminiscing about growing up in east London near Liverpool St station when the area was full of chicken slaughterhouses.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rogerzilla on April 12, 2016, 10:35:40 pm
From Miss Z the younger, philosophically:

"There are many drongoes in this beautiful world."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jurek on April 12, 2016, 10:39:56 pm
From Miss Z the younger, philosophically:

"There are many drongoes in this beautiful world."
Yes.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: asterix on April 13, 2016, 08:37:51 am
Indian Lady to Fellow Bus Passenger who has just boarded the bus to the airport

"Where are you going?"

"Vancouver where I live, I am going to Heathrow first.  And you?"

"Oh I am only going to the airport then I will go back; I am afraid of flying.  I will do it two more times. I want to go back to India one day."

Much further conversation about statistics and the relative safety of flight, then on arrival at the airport

FBP:  "Well here's the airport, why don't you book a flight now?  I will help you if you like"!

Sadly I never found out what happened next.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on April 13, 2016, 08:41:57 am
From Miss Z the younger, philosophically:

"There are many drongoes in this beautiful world."
'drongo' is an aussie phrase. Where did she pick it up from?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: pcolbeck on April 13, 2016, 09:30:23 am
Idiot 1:   I've gotta get to the Post Office to buy my car tax before it closes.

Idiot 2:   You can buy it online now.

Idiot 1:   Really.  What time does it close online?

Idiot 2:   Dunno.

That's not so daft. Rydale Councils planning web site has a big notice saying "not 24 hours, only available in office hours". The mind boggles.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Ruthie on April 13, 2016, 10:35:32 am
The DVLA website is the same.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: billplumtree on May 03, 2016, 06:35:00 pm
Misheard on Radio4 just now:
Quote
It may seem clichéd that chickens had a mid-life crisis
   ???

Dickens, it turned out to be.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Si S on June 20, 2016, 08:22:11 am
The internet is buffeting again.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 05, 2016, 02:04:31 pm
Wednesday before last, in fact, in Jackdaw's cafe in Malmesbury, my first stop on the way up to Wing: one Mason asking another for advice in the case of a motorbike that hadn't been repaired after a summer of months. "Can you realistically go to the small claims court against someone who's in the same lodge as you?" It seems you can.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Deano on September 27, 2016, 09:02:33 pm
Two young lads in hoodies walking up the street, one turns to the other: "with these jackets on we look like Egyptians!"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: jsabine on September 27, 2016, 11:41:08 pm
More to the point, were they *walking* like Egyptians?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Deano on September 27, 2016, 11:46:53 pm
Just don't.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Phil W on September 27, 2016, 11:51:03 pm
The internet is buffeting again.

Then I might download some chicken legs and a picnic egg again.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: jsabine on September 27, 2016, 11:55:37 pm
Just don't.

I've just looked up the lyrics (https://play.google.com/music/preview/Todbb2k4r6l22cqqjg75b2rego4?lyrics=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=lyrics&pcampaignid=kp-songlyrics).

Fair point.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wombat on September 28, 2016, 08:25:27 am
More to the point, were they *walking* like Egyptians?

Or even performing Egyptian Reggae?  That one has had particularly persistent earworm effects on me, to the extent that I had to obtain a recording of it, to try to overdose my brain on it, to "drive it out".  Didn't work.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on September 28, 2016, 11:48:58 am
DJ Random coughed up "Egyptian Reggae" the other day.  I had to play it three times.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Ruthie on September 30, 2016, 05:36:56 pm
"Fuck off, Royal Opera House."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Ruthie on October 02, 2016, 08:07:22 pm
Some kids playing on bikes today:
"Your mam?  Do you know who your mam is?  I'll tell you who your mam is.  My dad that's who!"

 ???

Hilarity ensued.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on October 03, 2016, 09:31:14 am
That version of 'your mum' was current when I was at school – no brief time ago.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on October 22, 2016, 02:12:57 am
"Dat man got really long hair" observed a passing toddler with a fine grasp of the bleeding obvious.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on October 22, 2016, 01:37:19 pm
It might be obvious but it has discombobulated toddler female = long hair, male = short hair 'logic'.

Gender stereotyping starts young...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on October 22, 2016, 02:59:30 pm
I'd have thought the shaggy beard would be enough to de-discombobulate even the the most confused of toddlers but I suppose at that age Logic is something that happens to other people?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on October 22, 2016, 03:44:47 pm
Logic exists in a toddler but needs frequent resets...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: T42 on October 23, 2016, 08:38:58 am
CPU works fine, but data is limited.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on December 19, 2016, 01:40:39 pm
English voice: Hi, I'm Bill.
Welsh voice: Hi me.
English voice: ???
Welsh voice: Jaime. It's a Spanish name.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on December 22, 2016, 02:08:03 pm
Ooh, it's been ages since I was able to contribute to this thread.  Seems Brummies were a much richer source of this sort of thing.
Anyway, snippet heard passing in the village today.
".... suffering from percussion.  Shouldn't have been allowed on the pitch......"

<probably George North>
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jock Stewart on December 30, 2016, 04:23:05 pm
Martin is our builder. Martin was not in today but his business partner Derek was. He was talking to Martin's son who is a very good carpenter, as they bantered in the loft.

Derek: "The problem with your dad, Bobby, is communication. He comes across as a neanderthal. That week he said to that bird, that teacher 'Oy, Jenny, come here' when he wanted to show the bit of plastering he'd done. She came in and scowled at me and him. Don't know if they'd had an argument about something before but he'd really pissed her off. We're used to him. But those kind of people aren't."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on December 31, 2016, 07:38:21 pm
Girl on the train. Not so old, but was discussing the merits and demerits of various prisons and young offenders institutes with some authority. She'd evidently been busy. Kind of like Tripadvisor for the criminally inclined. I'm not sure whether I should be worried or grateful that some of them rated 'not bad, I'd go there again if I had to' and not all of them scored a 'shit food'. I didn't suggest a business plan but hey, prisons are a growth industry, and it only makes sense their 'customers' get the opportunity to rate them.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mattc on December 31, 2016, 08:03:40 pm
Girl on the train.
...
That's not what I thought the plot was  :o
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: essexian on January 12, 2017, 08:09:44 am
Overheard in Tescos this morning....

One loud mouth picker to another across the bread section: "Bella....where's Donna."

Well, it made me laugh.

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on January 12, 2017, 09:54:08 am
Not overheard, but rather overshared. During a bout of undoubtedly horribly sexist chivalry I held a door to the café open so a lady with a behemoth main urban battle buggy could get through. Once through she said 'oh thanks so much! I have stitches in my vagina.'
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Ruthie on January 12, 2017, 09:58:16 am
Not overheard, but rather overshared. During a bout of undoubtedly horribly sexist chivalry I held a door to the café open so a lady with a behemoth main urban battle buggy could get through. Once through she said 'oh thanks so much! I have stitches in my vagina.'

Probably the only thing she can think about at the moment  ;D  I remember it well!  They don't half pull.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Torslanda on January 13, 2017, 12:32:43 am
On a train into manchester last Friday, two women chatting.

"... and his girlfriend. Talk about thick, she orders a 16 inch pizza then complains that it's cut in too many slices cos she can only manage about 3 or 4!"

Cue Torslanda shaking with silent mirth. Best laugh I've had for ages.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on January 14, 2017, 07:37:00 pm
Out of the mouth of babes......'European, but this is England, it should be English'.......this in a branch of Lidl. Strewth.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Bledlow on January 17, 2017, 07:56:41 pm
".... suffering from percussion.  Shouldn't have been allowed on the pitch......"
Well, it's not that wrong, since percussion was probably the cause.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on January 22, 2017, 06:58:57 pm
"Looks under her pillow every morning,  to see if she's  lost any sleep.  She's  that fucking tight"

 ;D  Brilliant!   I've never heard that before, and am definitely nicking it.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on February 18, 2017, 04:23:59 pm
On exiting Madam Butterfly last night.  Mrs. B to DooL.
"Stupid woman.  She should have just marched down to his ship and punched his lights out"

 :D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Tim Hall on March 13, 2017, 11:40:06 pm
Donor carer at this evening's platelet donating session, writing down the time I started: "I don't understand the twenty four hour clock after midday."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: woollypigs on March 20, 2017, 06:32:57 pm
Overheard a lady, who was trying to enter via the exit of the local food emporium. "Oh, I gone into the wrong hole".
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: pcolbeck on March 21, 2017, 10:17:38 am
Not overheard by me (I don't speak French) but in a travel book I am reading.

In a bar in a village in the Central Massif:

A Man gets up from a bar stool to leave and says to the bar owners girlfriend:

Man: "Right I'm off to blow my head off."

Bar owners girlfriend "If you must, but think of your son."

Man leaves and everything carries on as if nothing happened.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Pingu on March 23, 2017, 10:32:39 pm
Quote
I fixed it, but I fixed it wrong.

 ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: gibbo on March 24, 2017, 09:10:34 am
Whilst on holiday on one of the Greek islands I met this couple (geezers!) from Tottenham and towards the end of the holiday they were really starting to miss home and especially the food.

Tottenham man - I can't wait to get home and some proper English food!
Tottenham "lady" - Yeah, like Chinky or Indian.

Me - shoulders shaking with mirth.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on March 24, 2017, 03:16:51 pm
Whilst on holiday on one of the Greek islands I met this couple (geezers!) from Tottenham and towards the end of the holiday they were really starting to miss home and especially the food.

Tottenham man - I can't wait to get home and some proper English food!
Tottenham "lady" - Yeah, like Chinky or Indian.

Me - shoulders shaking with mirth.

 ;D ;D ;D

I would agree that we get Chinky and Indian food that is more to our taste here than in FOREIGN places. We were disappointed by both the 'Indian' we had in France and the 'Chinese' we had in Mallorca.

Both were served by people of authentic ethnic appearance.

Expectations and tastes vary.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on March 24, 2017, 05:46:37 pm
It's positively misleading to refer to traditional BRITISH curry as Indian food, though there's often some overlap when it comes to restaurants.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 24, 2017, 09:23:18 pm
Biriani stays pretty similar, as does pizza. Oh, wait...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Ham on March 24, 2017, 09:26:35 pm
Biriani stays pretty similar, as does pizza. Oh, wait...

IRTA "BrianI stays pretty similar" and experienced a moment of puzzlement
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on March 25, 2017, 06:54:35 am
Moroccan in Bordeaux was OK.

I can't go in curry houses with my wife, it's accompanied by constant muttering "this just isn't authentic, I wouldn't do it like this"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on March 25, 2017, 02:44:15 pm
I don't much care about it being authentic, it's just the plates of generic brown sludge that seem to qualify as curry in many restaurants and takeaways.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Polar Bear on April 02, 2017, 05:48:35 pm
A frexit foursome at the next table to us at the lunch stop discussed many things amongst themselves before getting on to the thorny topic of brexit.

" I voted NO because of Merkel" announced one, closely followed up by declaring that all the forriners can piss off cos we don't need them.

This was a group with an age profile of being retired

I had to bite my lip.   >:(
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on April 02, 2017, 10:57:05 pm
I don't much care about it being authentic, it's just the plates of generic brown sludge that seem to qualify as curry in many restaurants and takeaways.

Yes, only problem now is I knows betterer, and real Indian food is rather more yummy than lots of curry house brown sludge
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: T42 on April 03, 2017, 03:36:00 pm
Misheard rather than over:

Mrs: Her back was hurting so much had to use her Dad's dick at the horse-show.

Me: Gnmrpph!?

Mrs: Her Dad's STICK.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Morat on April 03, 2017, 08:20:08 pm
I was in a pub for lunch on Saturday, there was a UK Cycling sportive using the car park as a drinks stop in return for a donation to the village play area.
The amount of grumbling about bloody cyclists from the table next door was high. When they tried to involve me in the conversation by asking me to agree that it should be the law that cyclists use cycle paths when they are "provided" I just blanked them.
I suppose I should have engaged them in a reasoned debate but I got the feeling that the guy had last changed his mind in 1890.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 15, 2017, 05:10:41 pm
Woman: Natter chatter talk. <Pulls at side of running tights.>
Man: You aren't wearing any underwear?
Woman: No, it's all dirty.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rafletcher on May 21, 2017, 12:36:04 pm
Heard, rather than overheard. Radio 6M newsreader spoonerisms - "windy males" instead of "minke whales" 😄
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 26, 2017, 09:55:50 am
One of the builders next door getting a plank of wood for some imprecise purpose from his mate: "600 mill. About 23". Two lengths of a ruler. Eighteen times the length of your willy."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Guy on June 05, 2017, 09:00:45 am
My Line-Manager to the Chief of Staff, in a conversation about the maintenance contractors:

Typical Carillion-Amey, about as much use as a chocolate tea-guard

 :D :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Legs on June 05, 2017, 10:46:40 am
My boss, who is an architect:
"I could draw a monkey f*cking a duck, but I can't make it happen!"

Also:
"She could hold her own on a seesaw"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wombat on June 05, 2017, 01:59:19 pm
That's unusual, because most of the architects I've worked for, believed that they could make it happen!  Generally by drawing said event, and expecting us technicians to translate their airy-fairy doodle into something that could actually be built (and possibly even stay up, and maybe even keep the rain out).
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: T42 on June 05, 2017, 04:01:31 pm
Yup. My papa was a draughtsman, and the things he had to say about architects would have lifted the veneer off the dining-table if he hadn't been bringing up two kids in the 50s.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: spesh on June 05, 2017, 04:42:14 pm
So you're saying the architect sketch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyL5mAqFJds) in Monty Python's Flying Circus is actually quite well-grounded in reality? :demon:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Polar Bear on June 05, 2017, 05:08:04 pm
"... effing loony left do-gooder wanting to save the effing planet.   Why?"

"Climate change is our children's problem."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on June 05, 2017, 07:26:59 pm
Careful now!  Miss von Brandenburg is an architect and has been known to lurk in here...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on June 05, 2017, 07:30:18 pm
Yup. My papa was a draughtsman, and the things he had to say about architects would have lifted the veneer off the dining-table if he hadn't been bringing up two kids in the 50s.

similar things are often said by process engineers who have to operate plants, about the project engineers who designed and built them
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Andrij on June 05, 2017, 09:40:14 pm
Yup. My papa was a draughtsman, and the things he had to say about architects would have lifted the veneer off the dining-table if he hadn't been bringing up two kids in the 50s.

similar things are often said by process engineers who have to operate plants, about the project engineers who designed and built them

My father worked in the automotive paint biz.  Clever Engineer who designed new $system in new $plant finished giving a tour and Dad takes him aside: "I'm responsible for $1m of our product going into that system, and I won't sign off on it.  $partofsystem will not work."
ClevEng: [fx; greatly offended] Where did you get your degree?
Dad: Crawling around systems like these for a few decades in a score of countries.
Boss joins conversation: What's up?
Dad: ClevEng was just saying that, as things are ahead of schedule, he wants to take the opportunity to recheck $partofsystem, just to be safe - and I agree.
Boss: No problem, get to it.
  Time passes, $partofsystem is rejigged, all honour maintained (publicly), $system commissioned on time (barely) and $product not ruined.  ClevEng even admitted his error, eventually.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rogerzilla on June 05, 2017, 09:48:41 pm
My personal tutor at university told an apocryphal story of a new chemical plant that included a packed column for separating two liquids (for non-chemical engineers, this is basically a big tower full of ceramic or metal packing - a lot like penne or conchiglie pasta shapes -  with a reboiler at the bottom.  You condense and extract the lighter liquid at the top, with a certain amount allowed to run back down through the column as reflux, and the heavier stuff is tapped off the bottom).

This packed column wasn't achieving much separation at all, even with almost full reflux (which meant virtually no throughput).

After a few days of this, the plant had to be shut down, at vast cost penalty, and the column opened up to see what was going on.

The operative tasked with filling the column with its packing pieces hadn't bothered to open the plastic bags they came in, and had just thrown in the full bags  ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: woollypigs on June 05, 2017, 10:02:41 pm
At uni one of my class mates was in placement at brand new coal fired power plant, so saw it all first hand, This plant had the newest and best anti pollutant filter that loads of money could buy. First day of testing big cloud of DARK DUSTY STUFF exploded out of the chimney's which gave the local fields a good a thick covering (so glad it was not within city limits). Minutes later many staff was running around in white overalls in the plant and fields scratching their heads trying to figure out how to clean this up and who forgot to plug what in.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rr on June 05, 2017, 10:09:44 pm
Careful now!  Miss von Brandenburg is an architect and has been known to lurk in here...

Strangely enough I had a conversation with a site manager about this today, after slagging off architects and saying to hadn't got a clue how to actually build their designs:- he went on "when I was a site manager in Germany we used to get all these young women on site. They were trainee architects who had to do a stint with all the trades so that they did understand how things are built."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: matthew on June 06, 2017, 12:33:26 am
Yup. My papa was a draughtsman, and the things he had to say about architects would have lifted the veneer off the dining-table if he hadn't been bringing up two kids in the 50s.

similar things are often said by process engineers who have to operate plants, about the project engineers who designed and built them

No doubt i am guilty of this, but at the moment i am reviewing a commissioning plan that talks about sampling the product quality without identifying the parameters, location, duration or intervals. Worse still is how they will run the unit in full forward flow without the product mixing with the parallel units and going into supply. The contractor has had some rather pointed questions sent his way.

Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Bledlow on June 11, 2017, 10:16:13 pm
Careful now!  Miss von Brandenburg is an architect and has been known to lurk in here...

Strangely enough I had a conversation with a site manager about this today, after slagging off architects and saying to hadn't got a clue how to actually build their designs:- he went on "when I was a site manager in Germany we used to get all these young women on site. They were trainee architects who had to do a stint with all the trades so that they did understand how things are built."
How wonderfully sensible.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on June 12, 2017, 08:43:38 am
You have to cut the Architects some slack. The Sydney opera house was unbuildable when first designed. The builders made it work and the world now has a landmark building.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hatler on June 12, 2017, 09:01:49 am
You have to cut the Architects some slack. The Sydney opera house was unbuildable when first designed. The builders made it work and the world now has a landmark building.
I think it was the structural engineers (Arups) who enabled the building of the SOH.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: LittleWheelsandBig on June 12, 2017, 10:10:27 am
The Sydney Opera House is all Arup. The architect did a couple of pretty sketches of an impossible structure and then stamped his feet and held his breath when it couldn't be built as he wished.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jaded on July 29, 2017, 02:18:48 pm
My Line-Manager to the Chief of Staff, in a conversation about the maintenance contractors:

Typical Carillion-Amey, about as much use as a chocolate tea-guard

 :D :thumbsup:

Just seen this. Absolutely. Amey could be accused of having a Sloping Shoulders department designed to avoid work in a contract.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jaded on July 29, 2017, 02:21:10 pm
"Basically this event is about noise". Someone on the phone in the Artist Village at Womad.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on July 30, 2017, 01:05:36 pm
*circular saw stops abruptly* "ARRGH FUCK!" "[inaudible]" "Not really, no..."

It's all going quite well with the builders, then...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: essexian on November 10, 2017, 09:53:07 am
In that London on Wednesday when I heard one of a group of youths say the following...

"I am going to have a word with some people later...."

"Why" replied one of his mates.

"Cause they showed me no disrespect." he replied.

So of course I walked up to him and called him a twat...well he would have wanted me too.  ;D



Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jurek on November 11, 2017, 12:44:01 pm
In reception at work, a member of staff who recently left for pastures green was being discussed.
'Is that far from here?' The receptionist asked.
Bless.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: jsabine on November 11, 2017, 11:58:27 pm
In reception at work, a member of staff who recently left for pastures green was being discussed.
'Is that far from here?' The receptionist asked.
Bless.

What, Pastures Green? One stop before Putney Bridge, innit?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on November 12, 2017, 12:13:47 am
The drunken zombies are singing James Blunt.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: clarion on November 13, 2017, 12:34:18 pm
In reception at work, a member of staff who recently left for pastures green was being discussed.
'Is that far from here?' The receptionist asked.
Bless.

What, Pastures Green? One stop before Putney Bridge, innit?
In Derby, 'Pastures' was used to refer to Pastures Mental Hospital (formerly the Derbyshire County Asylum).
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Efrogwr on November 14, 2017, 09:37:24 pm
So you're saying the architect sketch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyL5mAqFJds) in Monty Python's Flying Circus is actually quite well-grounded in reality? :demon:

I've just caught up with this thread.

A former colleague had been an architect, for a couple of years after graduating. The firm he worked for specialised in designing slaughterhouses...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on November 24, 2017, 01:06:51 pm
*frantic typing from barakta's keyboard, stage right*
*sudden pause*
"Fuck you government minister!"
*typing resumes*
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: barakta on November 24, 2017, 03:51:49 pm
An unnamed government minister told a disabled peer that there was no need for central government enforcement of the Equality Act for disabled people as she's been campaigning for because ONE disabled man (who I happen to know is stubborn as fuck) was able to access the court system in a case which got to the supreme court... (a case I know cost him years of his life, financial risk, nearly didn't happen, and entirely relied extensive probono legal support).

Fuck you unnamed government minister!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on November 24, 2017, 10:40:15 pm
Go on, name them  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on November 25, 2017, 12:46:49 am
I expect it was The Wrong Hammond claiming that there are no disabled people.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: barakta on November 25, 2017, 02:22:35 pm
Sadly the disabled peer didn't name them... But it's basically MostToriesTM tbh.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Butterfly on December 04, 2017, 10:21:04 pm
On Saturday we went to a cafe in Lye which is not the grandest of places (not a bad cafe though - food was good). The lady was telling the other customer that she had had a break in the previous week - they stole all her bacon  :o (I said that presumably ruled out the mosque next door, but I think it went over their head). She went on to say that she no longer had a charity box because they were persistantly stolen. The other customer comented that that sort of lowlife "give proper criminals a bad name"  ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Bolt on December 11, 2017, 11:45:45 pm
Cedar Rapids, Iowa.  Young sober woman in a bar:  "Oh wow you're from England... so what are your thoughts on Marie Antoinette?"  Me: Err, I've never given her much thought really" Young woman:  Well I know she did some pretty bad things, but it was really mean when Henry VIII chopped off her head!" ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Paul on February 16, 2018, 11:03:42 pm
Overheard (to my face by) 30 year old woman of Irish descent "The reason there are so many Irish in Birmingham is because it was the nearest port."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on February 16, 2018, 11:49:19 pm
that probably explains my mother's family from Auchnacloy, ending up in Liverpool/the Wirral - wanted to avoid the Birmingham enclave.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Moleman76 on February 17, 2018, 07:35:08 am
Standing up for the artichokes, err, architects here, on account of because I are one, and I have a piece of paper somewhere around here from the State of Washington, US of A, proclaiming that I can say that ...

In the twilight years of my professional life, one of the tasks I've taken on from time to time is participation in a pair of reviews required by law if funds from said State are to be spent on public projects.  Early on (design is mostly thought-out, but changeable) is the "Value Analysis / Value Engineering" review, when a team of consultants gets a week to engineer all the value out of a project that they can.  [Well, that's what the proponents think.]  We typically come up with a bunch of little things, and a dozen or so big items, that could help the project go better, from "why are you putting X room here?" to "and what could go wrong if ... happened?"

Just finished a "Constructability Review" of a Big elementary school.  You would kind of think, that for a project about a month away from bidding tender, that the structural and drainage design of the open-air courtyard in the middle of the school, above all the air-handling equipment, would be figured out ... nope.  Of course not.  And, each of the design disciplines had a note referring to another discipline's drawings for answers to things they should have figured out.  Although, who wouldn't expect to find the waterproofing details in the landscape architect's part of the documents ... me, for one. 

All of which brings me back to a professor's comment about a classmate's explanation of his design:  "That's like making chicken soup with fish"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Si S on February 17, 2018, 08:55:19 am
  "That's like making chicken soup with fish"

I used to work in a restaurant where the head chef was adamant that the only way to make chicken soup was with fish stock.

Not sure what that goes to show.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 17, 2018, 08:55:55 am
... the structural and drainage design of the open-air courtyard in the middle of the school, above all the air-handling equipment,
What is air-handling equipment in an open-air courtyard? It it were indoors I'd assume air-conditioning (and generally HVAC) but for an open-air space?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on February 17, 2018, 09:53:55 am
I think he said above....
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on February 17, 2018, 11:50:09 am
... the structural and drainage design of the open-air courtyard in the middle of the school, above all the air-handling equipment,
What is air-handling equipment in an open-air courtyard? It it were indoors I'd assume air-conditioning (and generally HVAC) but for an open-air space?

Presumably the outside part of the air conditioning system.  Condensers and such.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Moleman76 on February 18, 2018, 06:26:02 am
... the structural and drainage design of the open-air courtyard in the middle of the school, above all the air-handling equipment,
What is air-handling equipment in an open-air courtyard? It it were indoors I'd assume air-conditioning (and generally HVAC) but for an open-air space?
Air handlers located in a basement below said courtyard.  Air intakes to them through snorkel-like intakes.  One 4" floor drain in the air handler room.  One of the architectural drawings hinted at drains in the courtyard, but the plumbing drawing didn't show drains nor overflow drains. 

The structure has a severe height limit, so no rooftop HVAC parts, but still .... it's been known to rain and even snow in the Seattle area.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: T42 on February 18, 2018, 09:53:17 am
Fukushima and diesels spring to mind.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on February 18, 2018, 06:08:08 pm
We used to live on an estate with electric gates. They put the motors underneath. To save a bit of money, they didn't bother with any drainage, despite the drains being about half a metre away from the compartment.

Anyway, as you can guess, that just meant the motor compartment flooded every time it rained. Electric motors work less well underwater.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 19, 2018, 10:28:57 am
... the structural and drainage design of the open-air courtyard in the middle of the school, above all the air-handling equipment,
What is air-handling equipment in an open-air courtyard? It it were indoors I'd assume air-conditioning (and generally HVAC) but for an open-air space?
Air handlers located in a basement below said courtyard.  Air intakes to them through snorkel-like intakes.  One 4" floor drain in the air handler room.  One of the architectural drawings hinted at drains in the courtyard, but the plumbing drawing didn't show drains nor overflow drains. 

The structure has a severe height limit, so no rooftop HVAC parts, but still .... it's been known to rain and even snow in the Seattle area.
Thanks.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on February 19, 2018, 02:19:08 pm
Nine of the 10 poorest regions in the EU are in the UK (and that's before we leave!)  So I looked it  up, it's based on GDP.

http://inequalitybriefing.org/graphics/briefing_43_UK_regions_poorest_North_Europe.pdf (http://inequalitybriefing.org/graphics/briefing_43_UK_regions_poorest_North_Europe.pdf)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on February 19, 2018, 02:54:05 pm
Nine of the 10 poorest regions in the EU are in the UK (and that's before we leave!)  So I looked it  up, it's based on DGP.

http://inequalitybriefing.org/graphics/briefing_43_UK_regions_poorest_North_Europe.pdf (http://inequalitybriefing.org/graphics/briefing_43_UK_regions_poorest_North_Europe.pdf)

Hey!  West Wales gets to be best at something.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 19, 2018, 03:14:01 pm
Nine of the 10 poorest regions in the EU are in the UK (and that's before we leave!)  So I looked it  up, it's based on DGP.

http://inequalitybriefing.org/graphics/briefing_43_UK_regions_poorest_North_Europe.pdf (http://inequalitybriefing.org/graphics/briefing_43_UK_regions_poorest_North_Europe.pdf)
The poorest in Northern Europe, not the whole EU. That link doesn't show, but I'd be surprised if there aren't poorer in Eastern Europe (but still within the EU).
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on February 19, 2018, 05:41:41 pm
Good point.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on February 19, 2018, 06:11:03 pm
And still amongst the richest in the world by a considerable degree.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Deano on February 19, 2018, 06:30:36 pm
"Aw, this video's gonna go proper vile"

His mates did not let him get away with it - some of the language they used, I wouldn't even use in front of my own dear mother.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Giraffe on February 20, 2018, 04:08:20 pm
At the bus stop: "'news'paper says it'll be -22 this week"
Note: no scale given
I said "I hope that's not in Kelvin"
"I don't know where it is"
I didn't suggest that it might be in Glasgow - that's stretching geographical knowledge a bit!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on March 21, 2018, 09:30:57 am
Programmer says "You don't go changing code just for the sake of changing it"

REALLY? No, I'm fully aware that you lot only change code:
A) when it doesn't work
B) when somebody else wrote it and you know you could write a more elegant method
C) to add a new feature

Um, reason B. What does that sound like?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on March 21, 2018, 10:13:51 am
We used to live on an estate with electric gates. They put the motors underneath. To save a bit of money, they didn't bother with any drainage, despite the drains being about half a metre away from the compartment.

Anyway, as you can guess, that just meant the motor compartment flooded every time it rained. Electric motors work less well underwater.

Unless IPX 8 rated, in which case you'd probably save more money just by putting in drainage
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on March 22, 2018, 08:56:51 pm
Eventually we replaced them with motors mounted on the gates themselves.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wowbagger on March 22, 2018, 09:10:31 pm
In Waitrose, two staff members in conversation at an adjacent till...

"He's really quite ill. He's got a cyst which started as an ingrowing hair. I think all men should keep their backs free of hair."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jaded on March 22, 2018, 09:29:36 pm
The buffet car announcement this afternoon.

"We've got tea, coffee, and a selection of Russian Made sandwiches"

after the third announcement I realised the sandwiches were freshly made. Obviously I had avoided them.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rogerzilla on March 22, 2018, 09:48:44 pm
The receptionist at the vet trying to explain to a caller why his/her dog had its lipstick out despite having been "done"  ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rogerzilla on March 22, 2018, 09:52:17 pm
Eventually we replaced them with motors mounted on the gates themselves.
If you were properly posh, you'd have a liveried man to operate them, none of this chavvy motorised shit.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: T42 on March 23, 2018, 09:17:43 am
Or at least a wrinkled retainer.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Andrij on June 15, 2018, 10:00:15 pm
Last night, outside Tower Hill Station:
[fx:American accent] Oh, look - a castle.

This evening, Upper Thames Street:
Bagpipes (a recording of) blaring from a white van.  As I pulled alongside, I spied a pair of squaddies in the cab.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on June 15, 2018, 10:04:13 pm
"YES!  YES!  GO ON!  YESSS!"

Either someone's having great sex, or there was sportsball on.


Also some drunken zombies singing along to the ice cream van.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on June 18, 2018, 02:57:14 pm
Heard in the head. Whilst reseaching family history came across a victorian poor house record referring to an inmate previously working as a 'Lurry boy'. Anyone that knows the local dialect will understand where that came from. Made me chuckle.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Torslanda on June 18, 2018, 04:35:23 pm
Common around Middleton/Bury/Oldham/Rochdale. Even as recently as the 1960s when the local paper printed a story which referred to a local carrier as a 'lurry firm'. My mother was outraged - as she was wont to be - and berated the paper's editor, who happened to be the next door neighbour.

We never 'got our ball back' all that Summer...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on June 21, 2018, 10:13:17 pm
Bloke in pub.  "It's the longest day today."
Woman in pub "Yeah, I know.  It's been bloody going on forever."


I suppose if you're having a bad day, today is not the best day to have it.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: TheLurker on June 22, 2018, 05:42:01 am
Programmer says "You don't go changing code just for the sake of changing it"

REALLY? No, I'm fully aware that you lot only change code:
A) when it doesn't work
B) when somebody else wrote it and you know you could write a more elegant method
C) to add a new feature

Um, reason B. What does that sound like?

That sounds like an experienced programmer talking.  You forgot D) - When the code was written by the Office Idiot.  Which I grant you does sound like a variation of B), but, trust me, it really is not.  See Computing Rants passim
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on June 24, 2018, 01:55:05 pm
Riding past a toddler on his balance bike "mum, what's that?" with lots of pointing at man on funny bike.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Beardy on June 24, 2018, 03:33:41 pm
Riding past a toddler on his balance bike "mum, what's that?" with lots of pointing at funny man on bike.
FTFY 😁 ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on July 11, 2018, 10:04:09 pm
There's a theme to the snippets from the drunken zombies as they shuffle past my window...

"..that's what I'm saying - everyone's like 'it's coming home! it's coming home'..."

"...what would be more impressive, like, hashtag..."

"And now we have to walk up this hill!  HOW COULD THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE!?!"  (followed by howling noises a minute or so later as he got to the steep bit)

"I don't want to, er, I don't want to have to deal with it any more..."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Torslanda on July 12, 2018, 10:40:08 pm
Ch*v 'family' walking past the shop this aft.

Mother to offspring, 'Oi! Mind your fucking language!' I. Shit. You. Not.

Welcome to Middleton...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: pumpkin on July 13, 2018, 01:42:40 pm
That's about normal for Middleton or their relatives in the dizzy depths of Salford where I am.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: meddyg on July 13, 2018, 09:09:13 pm
I nearly weighted into some lads on a train in Neath for using the F-word liberally in the
carriage where our kids and plenty of others were in earshot.

Spouse (sensibly) stopped me.
Now I think it's gonna be as mild a 'feck' in Ireland.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rafletcher on July 20, 2018, 04:40:05 pm
Whilst passing a local-ish tattoo emporium I noted two individuals sitting outside and smoking. Says she to him “I want a realistic pig on my chest”......  :o
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on November 15, 2018, 03:35:06 pm
Man in Waitrose boozahol aisle

"i'm never buying that brand. He makes enough out of his health clubs as it is"

Pointing at a bottle of Ballantynes whisky
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on November 20, 2018, 02:37:45 pm
"Have you heard the other theory about what happened to her, the woman who died?"
"No."
"As soon as you hear it, you'll think it sounds crazy, but a little research shows it's quite possible. They reckon she was attacked by an owl."
"An owl?"
"Yes. Apparently they're heavy enough and there are plenty in that area... "

I didn't hear any more so have no idea quite how an owl could have killed a person, let alone who, where or when.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Jakob W on November 20, 2018, 03:17:32 pm
This may be a reference to the infamous Michael Peterson murder case; Peterson's wife Kathleen was found dead at the bottom of a large staircase. IIRC one of the defence arguments there was that instead of having been hit with a blunt object and pushed down the stairs, she might have been outside, attacked by a large owl, run back inside and tripped on the stairs. Wikipedia (of course) has the full run-down.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on November 20, 2018, 04:09:58 pm
Owl attacks are not unheard of.  I once visited a gas compressor site where a barn owl had taken up residence over the door as it was sheltered, and perhaps had some warmth from the exhaust.

It was a problem in nesting season as it attacked people trying to get into the turbine enclosure - big scratches on hard hats.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: T42 on November 21, 2018, 08:23:33 am
Don't see why owls shouldn't attack people. Buzzards do: chum of mine had to drive one off with his pump a few years ago.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Giraffe on November 21, 2018, 08:50:15 am
Years ago, at Stagsden (twixt Bedford and Newport Pagnell) there was a small zoo. I had an Eagle Owl and apparently that bird's talons could go through a human skull! Don't wear a pale hat at night, folks!
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Efrogwr on November 21, 2018, 12:07:35 pm
Eric Hosking, the bird photographer, was attacked by an owl whose nest he was photographing. He lost an eye.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on November 21, 2018, 01:04:08 pm
Surely the injuries from a bird of prey attack are distinctly different from blunt force trauma, thobut.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Guy on November 21, 2018, 01:20:41 pm
That depends on whether the bird is attacking in stereotypical fashion with beak and talons, or has opted for the more innovative baseball bat approach.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Peter on November 21, 2018, 01:23:45 pm
Owl attacks are not unheard of.  I once visited a gas compressor site where a barn owl had taken up residence over the door as it was sheltered, and perhaps had some warmth from the exhaust.

It was a problem in nesting season as it attacked people trying to get into the turbine enclosure - big scratches on hard hats.

"The moping owl doth to the moon complain
"Of those who wandering past its secret bower
"Molest its ancient solitary reign"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on November 23, 2018, 04:40:03 pm
Announcement over the building tannoy "There will shortly be a test of the tannoy system. This will consist of pleasant music.".
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Andrij on November 24, 2018, 09:24:22 am
Announcement over the building tannoy "There will shortly be a test of the tannoy system. This will consist of pleasant music.".

Was it?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on November 27, 2018, 05:07:24 pm
Announcement over the building tannoy "There will shortly be a test of the tannoy system. This will consist of pleasant music.".

Was it?
Light classical overlaid with harmonica
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Andrij on November 27, 2018, 10:31:55 pm
That'll be a firm 'no'.  ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on December 06, 2018, 03:17:01 pm
Two students in a queue at Waitrose: "You can share my Grandma... "  ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: aidan.f on December 07, 2018, 10:07:34 pm
Listen! This is visual! Mrs S. Trying to divert me from this thread...
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Pingu on December 21, 2018, 11:59:13 am
In my work's staff room:

Quote
"... a film about a woman who's been murdered and comes back as a ghost to help the investigation into her death."

"Is it a true story?"

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Paul on December 21, 2018, 06:52:10 pm
“Is it dark in here?”

“No. That’s outside.”

(Facilities management)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Wowbagger on December 22, 2018, 12:10:50 am
Eric Hosking, the bird photographer, was attacked by an owl whose nest he was photographing. He lost an eye.

He later published a photography book entitled "An Eye for a Bird."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Paul on January 13, 2019, 10:09:24 am
Colleague about his nicotine spray which was considerably beyond its best before date:
“It’ll be fine, it’s just chemicals.”

Isn’t everything “just chemicals”?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on January 20, 2019, 07:46:30 pm
Adult: What do you want for dinner?
Child: Whatever you make, that's what we'll have.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: hellymedic on January 20, 2019, 08:46:10 pm
Adult: What do you want for dinner?
Child: Whatever you make, that's what we'll have.

Surely, this belongs in 'Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances' and comes from an unspoilt kid?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on January 20, 2019, 09:07:33 pm
It does but it was also overheard so qualifies for this thread, and it's good to share the stuff around.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Clare on January 24, 2019, 02:05:56 pm
“Willow, No
Willow, NO
Willow, will you stop licking the windows.”
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Torslanda on January 24, 2019, 02:35:05 pm
Willow's a cat, right?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Clare on January 24, 2019, 02:45:38 pm
No.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on January 24, 2019, 03:02:28 pm
That's dog behaviour.  But could equally be perpetrated by a child.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rafletcher on January 24, 2019, 03:23:11 pm
I assumed from the start it was a child. An indulged one.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on January 24, 2019, 03:56:22 pm
I assumed from the start it was a child. An indulged one.

Yeahbut Buffy The Vampire Slayer ended in 2003.  If it's a child, you'd hope it would have grown out of that sort of thing by now.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on January 24, 2019, 03:58:49 pm
Yeah, that reminds me of liking the taste of glass panes as a child. Not sure how I discovered their taste. It was a sort of cool neutral taste AFAIR. I don't think I ever licked any windows other than those at home though.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: woollypigs on January 24, 2019, 05:00:01 pm
Cause that was a child who haven't indulged in that pleasure as a child ??!?!










.... oh was that only me then ?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Clare on January 24, 2019, 08:52:34 pm
Willow is a toddler who was entertaining herself while her mother was distracted by breastfeeding Willow’s younger sibling. She had already smacked herslef in the face with the contents of a Jack-in-the-box and opened a box of plastic letters then turned the box over to look at the bottom of it. That was about the point that I stopped trying to read my book and watched the in-cafe entertainment instead.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: fboab on January 24, 2019, 10:40:43 pm


I assumed from the start it was a child. An indulged one.

Yeahbut Buffy The Vampire Slayer ended in 2003.  If it's a child, you'd hope it would have grown out of that sort of thing by now.

Which means that children who watched, will have children of their own..
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on January 24, 2019, 10:42:29 pm


I assumed from the start it was a child. An indulged one.

Yeahbut Buffy The Vampire Slayer ended in 2003.  If it's a child, you'd hope it would have grown out of that sort of thing by now.

Which means that children who watched, will have children of their own..

Ah, I hadn't considered the second-generation Buffy fans.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on February 14, 2019, 04:18:09 pm
Two youngsters in Ashford yesterday, cycling past me on the pavement on BSOs

One to the other "I think my chain's lost all its power"

That's the next audax excuse in the bag, I think
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: rafletcher on March 05, 2019, 09:24:06 am
Not overheard as such, but the following email appeared this morning...

"Hi All,

We have received a calculator from Peru with nobody’s name on. If anyone knows about this can they please come down to Stores to collect.

Thanks
Kev"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on March 05, 2019, 09:39:49 am
Wot no marmalade?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Paul on March 05, 2019, 12:37:26 pm
Not overheard as such, but the following email appeared this morning...

"Hi All,

We have received a calculator from Peru with nobody’s name on. If anyone knows about this can they please come down to Stores to collect.

Thanks
Kev"

It just doesn’t add up.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: andytheflyer on March 05, 2019, 01:00:36 pm
This thread will soon multiply, and then it'll divide opinion.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Steph on March 05, 2019, 01:13:46 pm
It won't do a fraction of that.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Pingu on March 05, 2019, 01:25:50 pm
What's the point, cos there's a sine that this thread is going off at a tangent?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 05, 2019, 05:21:12 pm
Not overheard but misheard. I heard Czasem policznie jest, which would almost but not quite mean "Sometimes they're numerous." It would make sense but the grammar's not quite right, neither is the vocab come to that. "What?" Trzeba symbolicznie jeść. Ah! You need to eat them symbolically (in symbolic quantity). Tak jak pączki. "Like doughnuts," which should make it clear what was being discussed. (My fault, I didn't make enough.)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Basil on March 05, 2019, 07:53:26 pm
Two chaps leaving the shop as I entered this evening.
"You know, it's like when you're playing your Xbox and your little brother's being annoying, so you give him a controller, but you don't actually plug it in."

I'd love to know what it was what it was in their lives that compared to that.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 07, 2019, 11:12:11 pm
"Why should we go up in the London Eye?"
"Well there's a good view up there."
"That's not good enough. Do we make any cash from having that nice view?"
"No, there is no cash for us from having that nice view."
"Well, we don't take risks we don't have to take."
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Butterfly on March 08, 2019, 09:50:23 am
Seems reasonable.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Andrij on March 08, 2019, 10:02:09 am
"Why should we go up in the London Eye?"
"Well there's a good view up there."
"That's not good enough. Do we make any cash from having that nice view?"
"No, there is no cash for us from having that nice view."
"Well, we don't take risks we don't have to take."

Were they Ferengi?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 08, 2019, 10:18:11 am
"Why should we go up in the London Eye?"
"Well there's a good view up there."
"That's not good enough. Do we make any cash from having that nice view?"
"No, there is no cash for us from having that nice view."
"Well, we don't take risks we don't have to take."

Were they Ferengi?
In human form.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on March 08, 2019, 11:25:06 am
"Why should we go up in the London Eye?"
"Well there's a good view up there."
"That's not good enough. Do we make any cash from having that nice view?"
"No, there is no cash for us from having that nice view."
"Well, we don't take risks we don't have to take."

Were they Ferengi?
In human form.

Tories, then?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Beardy on March 08, 2019, 11:47:49 am
"Why should we go up in the London Eye?"
"Well there's a good view up there."
"That's not good enough. Do we make any cash from having that nice view?"
"No, there is no cash for us from having that nice view."
"Well, we don't take risks we don't have to take."

Were they Ferengi?
In human form.

Tories, then?
Nah, the Ferengi have some redeeming qualities.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Tim Hall on March 11, 2019, 01:56:28 pm
Announcement at London Waterloo yesterday:

"We apologise for the disruption to services due to the severe weather conditions. Lines are being obstructed mainly by fallen trees but also by a trampoline and scaffolding"

OWTTE
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Canardly on March 11, 2019, 03:25:08 pm
and the odd train....
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 13, 2019, 09:43:34 am
On a suburban train heading from Avonmouth back into Bristol. Sitting across from me is a man with a Scouse accent and trade plates. Conductor comes round and he asks for a ticket to "where this ends." Which could mean so many things, but he got a ticket to Bristol Temple Meads.

Later he was on the phone. "Yeah, I've just dropped that one off. Gloucester next. No, not Milton Keynes. I've just come from... " he stopped, turned to me and asked "Where have I come from?"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 19, 2019, 10:14:20 am
"At lunch, **** executives will be seated at assigned and numbered tables.  But you, our guests, can sit wherever you want.  The seating chart is in your binder, so choose the table with executive that you would most like to grill."

I don't think it was deliberate, but it tickled me to think of "grilling" the execs over lunch.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on March 19, 2019, 05:51:26 pm
Requested to make an espresso martini for SWMBO at about [rugby o'clock] on Saturday after getting home from Audax, daughter number one asks "isn't it a bit early?

I responded "the sun's over the yardarm"

Reply "what's an aardvark got to do with it?"

So that has been adopted as "do you want a drink?"
"Well, the sun IS over the aardvark"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mrs Pingu on March 19, 2019, 06:08:47 pm
 :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 19, 2019, 06:19:41 pm
TBF, while neither aardvarks nor yardarms are everyday objects in 21st century Britain, only the first is a reasonably common word. I call it a reasonable mishearing and serendipitous for its phrase-creation.  :thumbsup:

Could aardvarks be the new narwhals?
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 21, 2019, 07:41:33 pm
One retired gent to another, exiting LBS as I entered: "And it's even lighter than my golf cart."
They seemed to have been looking at Bromptons, so I guess his golf cart isn't a Pinarello.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on March 27, 2019, 09:10:37 pm
Not really overhead, but my wife has her 'fitness girls' who are generally certifiable and I think all they mostly do is WhatsApp each other. Anyway, last Friday there was evidently a conversation apré-class that led to one of them going home and asking her teenage son what 'teabagging' was. Her second error was telling everyone she'd done this on WhatsApp.

Bless.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Beardy on March 28, 2019, 07:53:19 am
Not really overhead, but my wife has her 'fitness girls' who are generally certifiable and I think all they mostly do is WhatsApp each other. Anyway, last Friday there was evidently a conversation apré-class that led to one of them going home and asking her teenage son what 'teabagging' was. Her second error was telling everyone she'd done this on WhatsApp.

Bless.
Did she report how the poor boy responded? 😳
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Giraffe on March 28, 2019, 08:51:37 am
She'll get the hang of it.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on March 28, 2019, 09:22:39 am
Not really overhead, but my wife has her 'fitness girls' who are generally certifiable and I think all they mostly do is WhatsApp each other. Anyway, last Friday there was evidently a conversation apré-class that led to one of them going home and asking her teenage son what 'teabagging' was. Her second error was telling everyone she'd done this on WhatsApp.

Bless.
Did she report how the poor boy responded? 😳

Apparently not well judging by the number of WhatsApp messages it spawned and the tears of mirth coming out of my wife's eyes as she read them, he's about fourteen. I don't think this kind of thing is dinner time conversation in their house.

In mine, on the other hand, we once spent literally hours thinking up an adult version of Trivial Pursuit.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Guy on March 28, 2019, 12:43:31 pm
One feels the need to ask: What on Earth is "Teabagging"? And why does not-knowing generate such mirth?  ???
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on March 28, 2019, 12:47:17 pm
Ah, innocence.

Wait till you learn that a 'sea weasel' isn't a small marine mustelid.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mark on March 28, 2019, 12:58:59 pm
Ah, innocence.

Wait till you learn that a 'sea weasel' isn't a small marine mustelid.

I'm really sorry I googled that.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: T42 on March 28, 2019, 01:11:12 pm
Really?

https://www.bateaux-fecamp.fr/sea-weasel/
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mattc on March 28, 2019, 01:49:00 pm
One feels the need to ask: What on Earth is "Teabagging"? And why does not-knowing generate such mirth?  ???
It's asking a fourteen-year-old that is mirthy.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Mr Larrington on March 28, 2019, 03:13:57 pm
Ah, innocence.

Wait till you learn that a 'sea weasel' isn't a small marine mustelid.

 I've seen them around Monterey.

["Those were sea otters!" - Ed.]
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on March 28, 2019, 04:30:40 pm
Honestly, even I'm too scared to ask what a 'sea otter' is. It probably involves lubricated bowling balls, a swimming pool, a lot of misplaced enthusiasm, and an embarrassingly public court case.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on March 29, 2019, 10:41:53 pm
Really?

https://www.bateaux-fecamp.fr/sea-weasel/

That is a very specific interest group
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Kim on April 24, 2019, 01:06:51 pm
"...well it's your fault for wearing stupid shoes, isn't it?" - man walking past, to girl wearing stupid shoes, who had stopped to get a piggyback from (presumed) older sister.

(Didn't have my glasses on, but they looked like crocs in early-90s colours.)
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ian on May 01, 2019, 10:02:14 pm
Probably me again, but one of my colleagues was commenting on my conspicuous fruit consumption. You eat a lot of fruit, say she – gives it a moment's thought – like a bat.

Sometimes I eat moths too, I cheerily reply, just well, because.

At that moment, our CEO's lieutenant and chief executioner pops up from behind the desk partition, looks at us, shakes her head, says nothing and backs away.

For the record, I don't eat moths, I do eat a lot of fruit, and hanging upside down makes me dizzy.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: essexian on May 02, 2019, 10:29:25 am
I got called "Odd" yesterday.  ;D

Funny thing is that the person who said it came up to me afterwards and said sorry. "No worries" I said, "I've been called a lot worse!"   ;D

Frankly, I don't mind being seen as being a bit "odd" as, er, well I am.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Beardy on May 08, 2019, 09:14:07 pm
Not heard directly by me, but reported by Ms Beardy the younger As overheard while visiting her cousins.
‘Leo William ~~~~~~, sit down on your bottom and eat your smoked Tofu’ shortly after his younger sibling was told ‘Geneva Rose ~~~~~~ fasten your gillet this minute’.

 Now, I’m not saying my nephew isn’t just a bit middle class, but the evidence would I feel support such an observation  ;D
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: PeteB99 on May 18, 2019, 04:49:22 pm
Middle aged man and teenage girl waiting for the lift to arrive.

Man in resigned voice "You'll have to take them back, there's no point in having an expensive pair of netball shoes that you can't wear because they don't fit"

Girl in optimistic voice "They half fit"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on June 03, 2019, 10:23:58 pm
"Functionally, do I need to be able to squat, unless I'm going into the French countryside?"

(From a discussion of the relevance of various tests in spinal muscular atrophy, so not actually a humorous topic... )
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: ElyDave on June 05, 2019, 06:34:38 am
On a crowded commuter train
"oi, you can't stand in first class, you're Australian"
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on June 11, 2019, 01:20:47 pm
Quote
While we were on holiday I found out that my husband is useless.

He couldn't ride up the hills so I had to take the luggage off his bike and carry it for him.
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: Blade on July 14, 2019, 06:42:32 pm
Passed on from my son today.

He's helping set up a marquee on the local village green for the annual fete.
His friend says,"what on earth is that thing", as I cycle past on my recumbent trike.
Son replies, "that's my dad".
Friend says, "that explains a lot".
Title: Re: Overheard today
Post by: essexian on July 15, 2019, 06:34:15 am
Bit of a rant this one.

Overheard at my recent NHS MRI scan....

NHS Admin worker on the phone: "Hi Sue*, this is the MRI unit. You missed your appointment after we confirmed yesterday that you were going to attend. Can I ask why."

Reply from the other end.

NHS Admin worker: "Thanks Sue. I am sorry but: "couldn't be bothered to get up" isn't an acceptable reason for missing an appointment and as this is the third time you have failed to attend, I am going to cancel your referral and return your case to your doctor. They will have to make other arrangements as we can't keep wasting appointment slots on you."

Must admit I thought the admin worker was quite right. People should not take the mickey out of our NHS. Indeed, they should treasure it while we still have a free at the point of use service.