Yet Another Cycling Forum

Off Topic => The Pub => Topic started by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on January 26, 2016, 05:47:59 pm

Title: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on January 26, 2016, 05:47:59 pm
Today was my colleague's citizenship ceremony and I had suggested we go out for a celebratory lunch afterwards. Another friend and I had agreed it was our treat.











I forgot my purse.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Jurek on January 26, 2016, 05:51:40 pm
Ooh!
You div!  :P
I can almost certainly contribute to this thread!  :D 
And I nominate this for the Thread Title of the Year award  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: bumper on January 26, 2016, 05:57:04 pm
I forgot my purse.

That old chesnut  ;D

You're not alone.....
I went to the post office (5mile trip) last week to post a 2ft cardboard tube. Pulled up outside the post office, couldn't find the parcel. It was still at home standing to attention by my front door, I stood it there so I could lock the door.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on January 26, 2016, 06:05:23 pm
I spent all afternoon trying to debug something. Combing through log file, painstakingly checking syntax.

I'd forgotten to do a #include for the relevant xsl file.

All Sodding Afternoon.

you div
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: DDCyclist on January 26, 2016, 06:16:38 pm
Your colleague has just had another lesson in Englishness.  :smug:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Polar Bear on January 26, 2016, 06:25:05 pm
Your colleague has just had another lesson in Englishness.  :smug:

Eeek!!!!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on January 26, 2016, 06:32:18 pm

I forgot my purse.

I did that to Mrs. B (before she was Mrs. B). An expensive restaurant in Bristol. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on January 26, 2016, 09:03:03 pm
Well in the last half year I have gone down to Aldi twice, filled up the trolley, gone to the till, counted it all up, packed it into bags, to find that the money is at home, DOH! What a div!

Good news they will take the trolley out back so you can come and pay and collect later :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 26, 2016, 10:14:27 pm
I think most supermarkets will do that.  Must happen fairly often.  I was in Sainsbury's recently where the old lady ahead of me had made that mistake, and got herself quite worked up before the checkout operator explained that they had a cunning mode on the till that could add everything up and present it as a bill for her to pay at customer services when she came back later.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on January 26, 2016, 11:15:48 pm
Nothing immediately springs to mind from the recent past, but one of my more spectacular ones was to fill up our previous car with petrol, queue for quite some time to pay for it, and the checkout person looking at me puzzled because there was nothing to pay on that particular pump. After some confusion on both sides of the till they managed to convince me that I had already paid at the pump, much to the amusement of the people queuing behind me.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 26, 2016, 11:16:29 pm
Come back when you've filled your current car with petrol...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on January 27, 2016, 11:38:16 am
Getting 3/4 of the way through dinner before noting that my wallet was in my motel room on the other side of town.  I offered to leave my watch and kindle as security while I went to fetch it but they instead gave me a free meal :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: DDCyclist on January 27, 2016, 12:02:51 pm
I 'lost' a mobile phone in a hotel in Manila at the end of a three month stay. I reported it to the management just so if it turned up they'd know where to send it. I had no reason to suspect it had been stolen. The police were called, statements demanded and given. After the police had left I found it behind the room safe - which had a gap behind it just the right size for a mobile phone. :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: bumper on January 27, 2016, 12:21:17 pm
looks like most of us on here are fuckwits  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on January 27, 2016, 12:27:38 pm
 
looks like most of us on here are fuckwits  ;D
Only just noticed?   ;D :D ;) :P :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: bumper on January 27, 2016, 12:28:12 pm
looks like most of us on here are fuckwits  ;D
Only just noticed?   ;D :D ;) :P :)

didn't like to mention it  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Riggers on January 27, 2016, 12:30:27 pm
Popped in to Komedia Brighton on Friday to renew our joint membership to Picture House cinema. Renewed. I used two out of the six free tickets that evening to see The Revenant. Bought a pint of Dark Star and white wine to take in with us, and received a discount as well, using the card. Fine.

After Saturday, I couldn't … er, remember where I'd put the card. Lost.

Komedia have since given me a replacement.

Note to self: just hand everything over to my wife for safety. She's got the new membership card thank goodness.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: DDCyclist on January 27, 2016, 01:00:44 pm
I never put anything away. I work on the theory that if I trip over it at least 5 times a day I won't lose it. If I put it safely away somewhere it'll take me forever to find where 'somewhere' is.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Pancho on January 27, 2016, 01:39:25 pm
After years of walking 4 miles e/w to uni and back, I bought a car which I drove into college the next day. Had the usual full day of lectures and labs. And, also as usual, walked home!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on January 27, 2016, 01:54:27 pm
Monday I drove off to an appointment in the afternoon, and ten minutes down the road realized I didn't have my phone.  Surge of adrenalin, instant feelings of isolation and imminent doom set in.  Ten minutes later I checked that my papers were in my pocket and found the phone.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on January 27, 2016, 02:12:44 pm
Your colleague has just had another lesson in Englishness.  :smug:

It's not, but your statement is definitely a lesson in Englishness.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on January 27, 2016, 02:52:55 pm
Further old foolery: I just went into our bank account to do the usual month-end transfer from company to our main private account and found that a subsidiary private account was 1000€ richer than it should have been.  It would seem that at the beginning of January I transferred a top-up from the company and hit the wrong account.

Now wondering whether to tell Mrs. T or spend an extra thou.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on January 27, 2016, 02:57:59 pm
Further old foolery: I just went into our bank account to do the usual month-end transfer from company to our main private account and found that a subsidiary private account was 1000€ richer than it should have been.  It would seem that at the beginning of January I transferred a top-up from the company and hit the wrong account.

Now wondering whether to tell Mrs. T or spend an extra thou.

New bike time?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on January 27, 2016, 03:22:04 pm
That way lies DETH, as Mr. L might put it.  Got a new one last year.

I shall drink tea and contemplate.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: DDCyclist on January 27, 2016, 03:41:39 pm
That way lies DETH, as Mr. L might put it.  Got a new one last year.

I shall drink tea and contemplate.

You'll drink a lot of tea with £1000.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on January 27, 2016, 04:41:25 pm
That way lies DETH, as Mr. L might put it.  Got a new one last year.

I shall drink tea and contemplate.

You'll drink a lot of tea with £1000.

Or maybe not. (http://www.top10zen.com/top-5-most-expensive-teas-in-the-world-574)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on January 27, 2016, 04:50:20 pm
Not force-fed to civets, then.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on January 27, 2016, 05:46:41 pm
Extra insulation/draught proofing/roofing/double glazing?

You did say your house was cold and expensive to heat . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on January 27, 2016, 08:16:29 pm
Your colleague has just had another lesson in Englishness.  :smug:

It's not, but your statement is definitely a lesson in Englishness.
:) :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on January 29, 2016, 06:42:30 pm
Pub.  Because its Friday.
I'm standing at the bar tapping my ten pound note on the card machine.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: caerau on January 29, 2016, 06:49:16 pm
Pub.  Because its Friday.
I'm standing at the bar tapping my ten pound note on the card machine.  :facepalm:


After how many?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on January 29, 2016, 06:59:53 pm
on a long haul flight from Jakarta to LHR in biz class, on arrival I started packing bits and pieces from the various cubby holes into my laptop bag. went to dig out passport for border control. 

Nowhere to be seen. Research, research, research, still no sign, slight panic now setting in.

Up the aisle walks the very lovely attendant (Singapore  ;) ) with my blazer.

Passport safely stored in the one pocket I never use for anything, probably just so it didn't get lost in my befuddled mind
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on January 29, 2016, 07:01:09 pm
Pub.  Because its Friday.
I'm standing at the bar tapping my ten pound note on the card machine.  :facepalm:


After how many?

I was only buying my second.  Honest.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on January 29, 2016, 07:02:50 pm
Pub.  Because its Friday.
I'm standing at the bar tapping my ten pound note on the card machine.  :facepalm:


After how many?

I was only buying my second.  Honest.

And a tenner wasn't enough?!?  :o

Are you drinking in a London nightclub this evening?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: cycleman on January 29, 2016, 07:48:23 pm
Triple brandy ? :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: asterix on January 29, 2016, 08:35:32 pm
Unlocked my bike and rode home. 

Reached home, no keys.

Rode back to where I'd unlocked my bike and,phew!, keys still lying on the ground nearly an hour after I'd dropped them there.

It wasn't raining but cycling against hurricane Gertrude was no fun.   
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Si S on January 30, 2016, 07:05:46 am
^^ Done that, in my case they were still in the bike lock  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: fboab on January 30, 2016, 12:32:44 pm
Arrived at cinema.
Showed my booked on the phone to the man. Linky no worky.
Booked for the previous evening. :facepalm:

Not alone though. Went to desk "The Big Short please"
Went to screen. Found seat. Recognised film. This isn't the Big Short, this is Room. I saw this on Tuesday.  :facepalm:

Returned to desk. The manager called to refund my (free) ticket. Arrived in screen as the certification plate showed.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on January 30, 2016, 01:38:52 pm
Attended a mid-week football match at Chelsea.  As I didn't want to leave my bike locked up near the stadium or have to deal with my pannier I left both at the office (near Bank) and grabbed a hire bike.  The trip out was fine, as was the trip back.  While gathering my things and preparing to leave the office I went to place my keys in a more convenient pocket.  Keys?  What keys?  The house keys to which is attached the hire bike key, the key I used to grab the hire bike from the docking station on Limerston Street just off Fulham Road.  Yep, I left my keys in the backing station. ::-)  Got on my own bike, retraced my steps, and thankfully my keys were still there.  That is not my preferred way to add an extra 17km to my commute.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on January 31, 2016, 12:12:50 am
OMG.  In fact, OMFG.
I've just spun away from my group to get to the bar for a last pint, just as someone spun away from the group next to us.  We slightly collided as I passed them.
" Sorry mate", I exclaim, half turning behind me and doing that blokey tap on the upper arm you do.
Then
It wasn't a bloke.  And I'd missed.  I'd tapped her square on the tit.

I think it was the utter look of horror on my face and the 43 apologies in 3 seconds that convinced her that she should just laugh at me.

 :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on January 31, 2016, 12:41:39 pm
Laughs at Basil!  Ooops.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Pancho on January 31, 2016, 04:32:53 pm
Oh man, I think I've just won the thread.

A few months ago, ahead of the game and getting a gold star, I did my tax return and paid the bill early. Except there was some payment glitch so I clicked again. Of course, I later found out I'd paid twice - and made a note to write them a letter or something. And forgot about it.

This weekend, I got in a terrible panic about tax - I knew I'd done the return and that I'd made a note of what I owed. So I'd better get on and pay it, hadn't I?

Not much later it all came back me. Yup. I'm the only person in the country who's paid 3 x his tax. Wonder how I'm going to sort this out.

Being stupid ought to be tax deductible or something.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: madcow on January 31, 2016, 04:51:37 pm
Everytime that I go out on my bike ,I put my debit card,credit card,Driving licence ,E111 and mobile into a waterproof pouch.
 This goes in my jersey pocket. It's just a habit now.
Went out this morning for a short ride , got back and had lunch and got changed into jeans etc for washing the car and  tidying up.
As I have an early start tomorrow ,I decided to nip down to the local supermarket and fill up with diesel. Asked Mrs. M to throw my wallet downstairs  which she did ,then I set off to the supermarket where I  filled up the tank.
Got inside to pay, opened wallet and found myself looking at an empty space where my credit and debit cards should be. :facepalm:

Thankfully bloke on counter was kind and let me use the store phone to call Mrs. M , who came down in the other car to bail me out.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on January 31, 2016, 04:52:25 pm
Got home the other day, went for my keys in my coat pocket. Pocket open. No keys. Cue panic that I'd dropped on the walk down the hill and the usual helpful reminder from my brain that I ought to hide a set of keys somewhere in the garden, because the nearest spare key is in Maida Vale. Got to the end of the driveway before I realised that I was the holding the keys in my hand.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Jurek on January 31, 2016, 05:07:02 pm
Got home the other day, went for my keys in my coat pocket. Pocket open. No keys. Cue panic that I'd dropped on the walk down the hill and the usual helpful reminder from my brain that I ought to hide a set of keys somewhere in the garden, because the nearest spare key is in Maida Vale. Got to the end of the driveway before I realised that I was the holding the keys in my hand.
Ohhhh..... No driving or operating of heavy machinery for you. I think. :P

On which subject...
I have twice, to date, managed to unlock the (combination padlocked) shed door in the pitch black in order to retrieve the spare keys secreted within.
A manoeuvre conducted entirely in braille.
Spare keys now reside with a close neighbour.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on January 31, 2016, 05:39:54 pm
To be honest, I do a lot of things with no conscious knowledge of doing them, the problem comes when external reality interrupts those processes. My unconscious and conscious aren't on speaking terms, so if my autopilot has the keys in hand and then something interrupts, conscious me steps in without knowing. I think on this occasion I'd stopped to say hello to a cat in the alley by the side of my house (I use the back door, there's too much key jiggling to get through front door and porch).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: rogerzilla on January 31, 2016, 06:55:37 pm
I once went to Northampton for a meeting which was not only in Swindon, it was on a different day.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: mcshroom on January 31, 2016, 08:41:40 pm
I just turned up at a cycling bunk barn weekend without any cycling shoes. :facepalm:

PS: Can we make the title of this thread a bit more SFW please?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on January 31, 2016, 09:13:17 pm
PS: Can we make the title of this thread a bit more SFW please?

+1
Great thread, but a bit awkward even in steath mode at work.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Pancho on January 31, 2016, 09:21:19 pm
Do you lot all work in monasteries or something?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a <div>" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 31, 2016, 09:26:59 pm
I thought there was a rule (possibly an unwritten one, or simply best practice) that subject lines be SFW everywhere outside the NSFW board?

Nobody wants to trip the Scunthorpe alarm simply by loading the unread posts page.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mcshroom on January 31, 2016, 09:30:48 pm
I thought there was a rule (possibly an unwritten one, or simply best practice) that subject lines be SFW everywhere outside the NSFW board?

Nobody wants to trip the Scunthorpe alarm simply by loading the unread posts page.

That would be this one: -
Quote
4. Please don't do anything that will get the admins into trouble.  Specifically, this means

- No inline images or avatars containing porn, goatse, anything you might see on rotten.com or anything likely to upset or seriously offend.  If in doubt, leave it as a URL with an appropriate warning or don't post it.  We are a family forum.
- Keep thread titles clean, even in NSFW.
- No selling of anything illegal, nicked or copyright-infringing.  We don't strongly object to eBay links, but they get rather tedious and defeat the advantage of trading among your friends.
http://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=232.0
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on January 31, 2016, 09:32:33 pm
The name would raise no eyebrows where I work, nearly everyone will have committed one of these forms of fuckwittery
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: spesh on January 31, 2016, 09:37:16 pm
I thought there was a rule (possibly an unwritten one, or simply best practice) that subject lines be SFW everywhere outside the NSFW board?

Nobody wants to trip the Scunthorpe alarm simply by loading the unread posts page.

That would be this one: -
Quote
4. Please don't do anything that will get the admins into trouble.  Specifically, this means

- No inline images or avatars containing porn, goatse, anything you might see on rotten.com or anything likely to upset or seriously offend.  If in doubt, leave it as a URL with an appropriate warning or don't post it.  We are a family forum.
- Keep thread titles clean, even in NSFW.
- No selling of anything illegal, nicked or copyright-infringing.  We don't strongly object to eBay links, but they get rather tedious and defeat the advantage of trading among your friends.
http://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=232.0

Given that the "Super Twat" thread has been left in publicly searchable boards, rather than being deposited in NSFW or P&OBI (which is where it really belongs, seeing as it's mainly a Two Minutes Hate most of the time), it can be safely assumed that Suggestion 4 isn't even a guideline, never mind a rule.  :demon:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on January 31, 2016, 09:58:19 pm
Thanks all for being so unhelpful.  It would raise eyebrows where I work.  But that's not a problem for you, so that's OK then, isn't it?

Spesh, are you the new arbitrator then?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: David Martin on January 31, 2016, 10:27:30 pm
I'll add a 'please change the title' request. We have plenty of discussion elsewhere on behaviour that is unwittingly exclusionary to certain sections of society.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on January 31, 2016, 10:42:03 pm
PS: Can we make the title of this thread a bit more SFW please?

+1
Great thread, but a bit awkward even in steath mode at work.

This seems a bit understated to me, if this would raise eyebrows. Perhaps you're being a bit too British?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: LittleWheelsandBig on January 31, 2016, 10:42:50 pm
The title has changed...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on January 31, 2016, 10:46:46 pm
I once went to Northampton for a meeting which was not only in Swindon, it was on a different day.

Being away from Swindon is very sensible, thobut?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: spesh on January 31, 2016, 10:49:16 pm
The title has changed...

To be honest, I was half-expecting someone to pass comment on the use of "div", never mind the f-word. If you check out the thread that arose from Ricky Gervais copping flak for using the word "mong", the discussion encompasses whether words like "idiot" or "fool" are ablist...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on January 31, 2016, 11:00:14 pm
Fecking is still probably a bit dodgy but not sure what's better, effing maybe.

Div I always assume came from divot and doesn't have specifically disablist meanings as far as I can find. Numpty is also a good word, again, Scottish. They have all the BEST words.

Mong is disablist cos it comes from Mongolism meaning Down's syndrome.  Idiot and fool are less obviously disablist as in most people don't know their history of classification of "learning difficulties" but are probably as bad as mong really...  I think one uses idiot/fool about people who don't have down's syndrome whereas mong means "you're thick/stupid/slow LIKE someone with Down's syndrome" with the intended negative meaning around that... I am however trying to train myself out of using idiot and fool... 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on February 01, 2016, 12:04:41 am
Perhaps you're being a bit too British?

For heaven's sake!  Do try and understand.  It's not about me.
It's not my attitude.  It's my employer's attitude.  Over which I have no control.
Read any of my posts to see my enjoyment of fruity language. 

Sadly, barakta's examples of disableist words would always pass the Scunthorpe test of my employer's net nanny, whereas a perfectly healthy fuck wouldn't.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on February 01, 2016, 12:47:24 am

For heaven's sake!  Do try and understand.  It's not about me.
It's not my attitude.  It's my employer's attitude.  Over which I have no control.
Read any of my posts to see my enjoyment of fruity language. 

Sadly, barakta's examples of disableist words would always pass the Scunthorpe test of my employer's net nanny, whereas a perfectly healthy fuck wouldn't.

What are they going to do? Sack you?  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on February 01, 2016, 07:03:43 am
Perhaps you're being a bit too British?

For heaven's sake!  Do try and understand.  It's not about me.
It's not my attitude.  It's my employer's attitude.  Over which I have no control.
Read any of my posts to see my enjoyment of fruity language. 

Sadly, barakta's examples of disableist words would always pass the Scunthorpe test of my employer's net nanny, whereas a perfectly healthy fuck wouldn't.

I understand, I meant you were being too British in your understatement of your opposition, not in your acceptance of naughty words :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on February 01, 2016, 07:30:37 am
When I went to the kitchen cupboard for a sauce pan I remembered I had only completed part of my plan to take to good, copper bottomed pans to the UK and bring back the cheap ikea pans. :facepalm:
Currently using a pan borrowed from a friend! 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Wombat on February 01, 2016, 08:20:31 am

For heaven's sake!  Do try and understand.  It's not about me.
It's not my attitude.  It's my employer's attitude.  Over which I have no control.
Read any of my posts to see my enjoyment of fruity language. 

Sadly, barakta's examples of disableist words would always pass the Scunthorpe test of my employer's net nanny, whereas a perfectly healthy fuck wouldn't.

What are they going to do? Sack you?  ;D

No, but repeated triggerings of the "bad word alarm" will be recorded on his employment record, just like it is for me, and thousands of other local government and other "establishment" employers.  I am currently YACF'ing outside work time (I'll clock on in a few mins) but my internet use is still being monitored.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on February 01, 2016, 09:42:36 am
So what words for a person displaying membership of the Thick Tendency can one use without offending anyone (except the target, obv)?

Anyway, my latest.  No, Mr Larrington, that rather-poor-quality-but-still-officially-sanctioned release of "The Fantastic Trimmer & Jenkins Live From London's Fabulous Comic Strip" was not recorded using antique monaural SCIENCE, no.  It just looked that way after you knocked a cassette off the desk and dislodged the right channel's piece of anbaric string, and now you have to digificate the bloody thing again >:(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 01, 2016, 10:41:05 am
Attended a mid-week football match at Chelsea.
I just wait for the highlights on the Non-League Show.  :demon:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on February 01, 2016, 11:12:11 am
Pancho; paying tax so google don't have to.


In my world; 'div' means a crappy bit of markup that never works as expected.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on February 01, 2016, 12:17:42 pm
In my world; 'div' means a crappy bit of markup that never works as expected.

 :D   :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 01, 2016, 12:57:11 pm
I know we're all grown-ups here but it doesn't hurt anyone to exercise a bit of self-moderation when composing thread titles. Be sensible, folks.

Fecking is still probably a bit dodgy but not sure what's better, effing maybe.

Or just no modifier at all? "I'm such a div" works fine. "I've been a bit of a wally" would also do the job nicely.

Fwiw, Collins speculates that 'div' probably derives from 'deviant'.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Zipperhead on February 01, 2016, 02:10:06 pm
So what words for a person displaying membership of the Thick Tendency can one use without offending anyone (except the target, obv)?

A Benny
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on February 01, 2016, 02:20:02 pm
So what words for a person displaying membership of the Thick Tendency can one use without offending anyone (except the target, obv)?

A Benny

A Still (apocryphal)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 01, 2016, 02:31:25 pm
I know we're all grown-ups here but it doesn't hurt anyone to exercise a bit of self-moderation when composing thread titles. Be sensible, folks.

Fecking is still probably a bit dodgy but not sure what's better, effing maybe.

Or just no modifier at all? "I'm such a div" works fine. "I've been a bit of a wally" would also do the job nicely.

Fwiw, Collins speculates that 'div' probably derives from 'deviant'.
A modifier! What's a modifier? They called it an adjective in my day!
I think you'll find it's a present participle. Ends in -ing.
You mean a gerund. That's a verbal noun.
We called all those 'describing words' when I was at school.
Surely it doesn't matter what you call it as long as you know how to use it?
That's all very well, but it's impossible to truly understand without the appropriate terminology.

Oh, sorry, wrong thread.  :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: geraldc on February 01, 2016, 05:22:22 pm
Feck is not a swear word.

http://metro.co.uk/2008/12/09/official-its-okay-to-say-feck-224531/
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on February 01, 2016, 06:16:04 pm
So what words for a person displaying membership of the Thick Tendency can one use without offending anyone (except the target, obv)?

A Benny

Tied to a tree?

One version has it than "benny" derives from "bender" so is probably offensive to gayers.  If it's him out of "Crossroads" then it's probably OK.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 01, 2016, 06:19:50 pm
Feck is not a swear word.

http://metro.co.uk/2008/12/09/official-its-okay-to-say-feck-224531/

What's acceptable in advertising isn't always acceptable in the office. Totally different contexts.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: spesh on February 01, 2016, 06:24:51 pm
So what words for a person displaying membership of the Thick Tendency can one use without offending anyone (except the target, obv)?

A Benny

Tied to a tree?

One version has it than "benny" derives from "bender" so is probably offensive to gayers.  If it's him out of "Crossroads" then it's probably OK.

IIRC, "Benny" was (and probably still is) used as army slang for a resident of the Falkland Islands, and was derived from the aforementioned soap character.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 01, 2016, 06:39:11 pm
Tied to a tree?

I'm not falling for that one!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: red marley on February 01, 2016, 06:42:09 pm
Div and divvy were common at school in Bristol when I grew up. I had always assumed is was a Bristolian phrase. Helped by the wonderful Moonflowers who used to run 'Divvy Days' of suitably chaotic hippy Moonflowers fun.

Somewhat comically for a Brit, the Chicago equivalent of Boris Bikes are called Divvy Bikes.

Given the examples of divvyness mentioned so far, perhaps a better name for this thread would be 'I'm older now than I once was'.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on February 01, 2016, 10:02:38 pm
So what words for a person displaying membership of the Thick Tendency can one use without offending anyone (except the target, obv)?

A Benny

Tied to a tree?

One version has it than "benny" derives from "bender" so is probably offensive to gayers.  If it's him out of "Crossroads" then it's probably OK.

IIRC, "Benny" was (and probably still is) used as army slang for a resident of the Falkland Islands, and was derived from the aforementioned soap character.

Hence my reference to "Still" upthread.  It goes something like this:

Hofficer: "Soldier, stop calling the residents of the Falklands Bennies. I understand it is a derogatory term, derived from a character in Crossroads."
Soldier:"But Sir"
Hofficer:"Or I shall put you on a charge"
Soldier:"Yes Sah!"
<time passes>
Hofficer:"Soldier, why are you calling the residents of the Falklands 'Stills'?"
Soldier:"Because they're still Bennies, Sah!"
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on March 24, 2016, 12:12:51 am
I got my legs waxed before I went to Scotland (one less thing to think about), only the girl didn't do it very well, and left loads of the wax on my legs.

So I went for a wee in the public toilet in the shopping centre, and managed to glue myself to the toilet seat.  The pain on unpeeling myself from the seat was utterly excruciating, to the extent I was making little "ow, ow, ow, oh god, ow,"  noises.  And the backs of my legs had a red toilet seat mark for days.

And tonight, I wore a nice smart tweed skirt, heeled boots, a sweater and hold-up stockings to go to the theatre, along with a fair amount of lippy etc.

Realised when riding my bike to the theatre through the centre of town that my skirt rides up on the bike, exposing my stocking-tops to the mutated denizens of Darlo, and causing a hell of a draught where there isn't supposed to be one.

I'm often amazed they let me vote.   :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 24, 2016, 07:01:29 am
I would have thought you'd have wanted the insulation for Scotland?

I let my beard expand for the winters in Aberdeen and offshore.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on March 24, 2016, 07:10:07 am
Happy to freeze in the cause of beauty ED.  Also spiky legs in a sleeping bag are really annoying.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on March 24, 2016, 08:16:39 am
And tonight, I wore a nice smart tweed skirt, heeled boots, a sweater and hold-up stockings to go to the theatre, along with a fair amount of lippy etc.
You realise there is only one sensible response to that post?

TTIUWP
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 24, 2016, 08:26:28 am
Ha! Your description of the pain of sticking to the toilet seat reminds me of sitting on the vinyl seats of my grandpa's Austin Allegro wearing shorts in the summer back when I was a very small Cudzo. Sweaty child legs sticking to the plastic when you get up, very painful. I'd expect the addition of wax makes it objectively more painful and of course the toilet factor, but hey, you're meant to be a grown up!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on March 24, 2016, 09:20:01 am
Happy to freeze in the cause of beauty ED.  Also spiky legs in a sleeping bag are really annoying.
My gran used to say "Dress like the French, frezze like a Dane*"

*this was back when the French, in Denmark, was know to wear very little. Though since I have lived in France I know it is totally opposite. The look of horror I got from the French when I walked around in shorts and t-shirts when it was a balmy 18c in May. Boy can the French wrap up warm, jackets and scarf's, way into June and the 20c+. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 24, 2016, 09:39:16 am
my honeymoon was in Sicily in March, I was walking around in a pair of chinos and light open necked shirt with those horrified looks from locals in duffel coats and scarves
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on March 24, 2016, 12:50:25 pm
I was born in Singapore and my mum says locals were very disapproving of the light clothes my parents dressed me in, and all the Singaporean babies were wrapped up in woolly jumpers and scarves. They must have been poached alive.
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: rr on March 24, 2016, 01:11:15 pm
Mali in December, 30° at dawn, me in shorts, t shirt and sweat, locals duvet jackets and shivering.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on March 24, 2016, 01:41:36 pm
And tonight, I wore a nice smart tweed skirt, heeled boots, a sweater and hold-up stockings to go to the theatre, along with a fair amount of lippy etc.

Realised when riding my bike to the theatre through the centre of town that my skirt rides up on the bike, exposing my stocking-tops to the mutated denizens of Darlo, and causing a hell of a draught where there isn't supposed to be one.

Knickers may have helped.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on March 24, 2016, 02:39:49 pm
And tonight, I wore a nice smart tweed skirt, heeled boots, a sweater and hold-up stockings to go to the theatre, along with a fair amount of lippy etc.

Realised when riding my bike to the theatre through the centre of town that my skirt rides up on the bike, exposing my stocking-tops to the mutated denizens of Darlo, and causing a hell of a draught where there isn't supposed to be one.

Knickers may have helped.

You are VERY NORTY MAN!

...anyone know how to get coffee out of a laptop keyboard?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on March 24, 2016, 06:23:38 pm
Ha! Your description of the pain of sticking to the toilet seat reminds me of sitting on the vinyl seats of my grandpa's Austin Allegro wearing shorts in the summer back when I was a very small Cudzo. Sweaty child legs sticking to the plastic when you get up, very painful. I'd expect the addition of wax makes it objectively more painful and of course the toilet factor, but hey, you're meant to be a grown up!

I remember those plastic seats in the summer, the smell used to make me gag.  And oh, did it burn.

Cooled leg wax is a whole other dimension of Sticky, trust me.

eta:  Andrij, I (nearly) always wear knickers, in fact, due to going out Proper last night I was wearing matching underwear, in case of ambulances.  So there.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 24, 2016, 10:53:39 pm
In case of ambulances? Is that Northern for coffee?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: madcow on March 24, 2016, 11:06:53 pm
Always have a clean hankie, a shilling for the bus and wear your best underwear in case you are run over and the medical staff see your shoddy knickers.
The sort of advice that I can hear coming from my grandma who was Darlo born and bred.
One can't have these people thinking that you come from a poor house now, can you?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on March 24, 2016, 11:17:49 pm
A colleague once treated a High Up Man from a Financial Institution and noted he had shoddy undies...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 24, 2016, 11:31:47 pm
Well, if he didn't beforehand I'm not surprised he did afterwards
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on March 26, 2016, 07:24:01 pm
I wonder what happened to those knickers that were issued to middle-aged women as standard uniform on your fiftieth birthday.  You never see them any more.  They were made of this kind of aertex stuff, and they were proper knickers that go up to your waist and cover your bum properly.  They came only in white.

Like this. (http://www.classicclothingshop.co.uk/elderly-clothing/Ladies-Plain-White-Eyelet-Full-Briefs-Pantie1064.html#SID=16)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on March 26, 2016, 07:38:21 pm
Good! I have no problem with sturdy knickers, but they are hideous!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on March 26, 2016, 07:39:58 pm
Good! I have no problem with sturdy knickers, but they are hideous!

Back in the day when I was a wee student nurse ALL the female patients wore those.  Supposedly they were extremely comfortable.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on March 26, 2016, 07:40:16 pm
I don't think I've seen a pair of those since the 80s, unless you count the paper ones they give you in hospitals.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tigerrr on March 26, 2016, 07:40:30 pm
They are all on sale in Benidorm. Ranks of stalls selling mums/grandmas pants and string vests. I think they must be required if you use a mobility scooter tot get from pub to pub. As one does here.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on March 26, 2016, 07:41:56 pm
Mystery solved.  Isn't YACF brilliant?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: arabella on March 26, 2016, 07:58:30 pm
Thinking of which, why is it that ladies undies (in shapes I want to buy ie full brief at my age, keeps the lower back nice'n'cosy) only come in (i) pastel (ii) stupid patterns, usually also floral or (iii) plain black.  What about a nice darkish grey that is forgiving of many washes?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on March 26, 2016, 08:00:00 pm
Thinking of which, why is it that ladies undies (in shapes I want to buy ie full brief at my age, keeps the lower back nice'n'cosy) only come in (i) pastel (ii) stupid patterns, usually also floral or (iii) plain black.  What about a nice darkish grey that is forgiving of many washes?

Amateur.  A single washload of pastel pants with a black sock gives a one-stop answer to your problem. 

You're welcome.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fboab on March 26, 2016, 08:28:44 pm
No2 Daughter sent me this the other day Ruthie- you should take it on board.

https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/7107311888486259/
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on March 26, 2016, 08:30:29 pm
Oh, shit.  Well, I suppose the upside is that nobody's going to murder me at work.  And I don't go out very often.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on March 26, 2016, 09:01:12 pm
Thinking of which, why is it that ladies undies (in shapes I want to buy ie full brief at my age, keeps the lower back nice'n'cosy) only come in (i) pastel (ii) stupid patterns, usually also floral or (iii) plain black.  What about a nice darkish grey that is forgiving of many washes?

Surely that's how plain black end up after a while?

Black socks, of course, do that 50 shades of grey thing.


The real question is why sensible non-frilly black bras are so often only available in pairs with a white-until-you-wash-it one.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on March 27, 2016, 10:01:32 am
No2 Daughter sent me this the other day Ruthie- you should take it on board.

https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/7107311888486259/

Seems to require a login, the lack of which may turn out to be a Good Thing.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on April 11, 2016, 02:29:52 pm
I wonder what happened to those knickers that were issued to middle-aged women as standard uniform on your fiftieth birthday.  You never see them any more.  They were made of this kind of aertex stuff, and they were proper knickers that go up to your waist and cover your bum properly.  They came only in white.

Like this. (http://www.classicclothingshop.co.uk/elderly-clothing/Ladies-Plain-White-Eyelet-Full-Briefs-Pantie1064.html#SID=16)
A friend is currently in Lesbos, sorting clothes for refugees. She was rummaging through vast piles of donated stuff, new and second hand, trying to find knickers.

After fruitless hours, the only knickers she found were bloomers. Real bloomers.

(for those who are curious, the knicker shortage seems to sorted for now. Seems when people nick one pair out of a box in a supermarket, the supermarket throws the box away. A contact has arranged for the boxes to be donated instead and it is a LOT)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rogerzilla on April 28, 2016, 08:48:49 pm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-36150328

Brilliant.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on April 28, 2016, 09:14:59 pm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-36150328

Brilliant.

At my former work, we had a facility in Odessa, TX, USA.
I had to go there fairly often.

Then we out-sourced our corporate travel to Amex Corporate Travel.
Next time I had to go, they had arranged flights to Odessa, Ukraine.

It did get spotted in time!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on April 28, 2016, 09:32:56 pm
Particularly cunning of Birmingham AL to use Mordor Central's station code as its airport code, I thought...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on April 28, 2016, 10:07:33 pm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-36150328

Brilliant.

At my former work, we had a facility in Odessa, TX, USA.
I had to go there fairly often.

Then we out-sourced our corporate travel to Amex Corporate Travel.
Next time I had to go, they had arranged flights to Odessa, Ukraine.

It did get spotted in time!

I've been to Odessa texas. Ukraine may have been better.

There was also the story of those who went to Albertville in the USA instead of France for the winter games. It never snows there.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on April 28, 2016, 10:32:27 pm
Or you could fly to Paris, Texas when you really wanted to go to Paris, Denmark. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris,_Denmark)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on April 28, 2016, 10:36:25 pm
We went to Athens, Ohio.  But that's OK.  We meant to.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on April 29, 2016, 07:08:07 am
I used to live in Athens, Georgia. And I've been to Memphis Tennessee (I'm sitting in Nashville right now).

I'm convinced there's no good reason to go to Texas ever.

Ok, Austin and San Antonio aren't so bad. Dallas and Houston? Hell can only disappoint. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on April 29, 2016, 10:26:19 am
I used to live in Athens, Georgia. And I've been to Memphis Tennessee (I'm sitting in Nashville right now).

I'm convinced there's no good reason to go to Texas ever.

Ok, Austin and San Antonio aren't so bad. Dallas and Houston? Hell can only disappoint.

Have you tried Port Arthur yet?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on April 29, 2016, 10:50:12 am
TX's Big Bend National Park is jolly nice as long as you avoid:
I quite liked Amarillo too, until my right foot decided to stop working while staying there.  The Road to Amarillo sucked though, coz I got stopped for speeding :(

I shall be returning to TX on this year's expedition to the west pole[/i] USAnia.  Route 66 beckons.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on April 29, 2016, 10:51:51 am
I used to live in Athens, Georgia.

Ah, the Edinburgh of the Deep South!

Out of interest, which of the B-52s were you?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on April 29, 2016, 10:58:06 am
I used to live in Athens, Georgia.

Ah, the Edinburgh of the Deep South!

Out of interest, which of the B-52s were you?

Thought Leadership requires Tidy Hair, remember, so more likely to have been in REM :demon:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on April 29, 2016, 10:59:30 am
I am so sorry!  That was an egregious error.

I'm such a fecking div  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on April 29, 2016, 11:01:18 am
;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on April 29, 2016, 11:02:35 am
I met a chap called Sean at a gig the other day, who:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on April 29, 2016, 04:50:12 pm
I do occasionally get mistaken for Michael Stipe.

Despite laying out several peanut butter bacon traps this year's Elvis hunt was a wash out.  The south ain't what she used to be.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 01, 2016, 12:04:36 pm
I knew I'd done about 800km in April already and yesterday's ride was around 150km. So I thought to myself I could just pop out for a quick 50km on Sunday to make it 1000km for the month.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on May 03, 2016, 03:46:35 pm
And some rotten swine had nicked the last day of the month?


30 days hath September, APRIL June and November... ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 03, 2016, 04:02:25 pm
Not quite, no. It was one of the previous days they'd nicked. On Saturday I was convinced it was the 29th not the 30th.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on May 04, 2016, 10:00:52 am
Forgot to check that MrsC had paid the car VED when she got the mot done. No reminder letter arrived.

Perils of electronic only

She got pulled over for no VED. fine of £260.  Vehicle address is still our old address which is odd seeing as we got reminder letter and paid last year from new address. Not sure how that has worked out.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on May 06, 2016, 12:18:58 am
Met a friend in South London for a bit of theatre this evening.  Locked up my bike outside Clapham North Station and ... left my Garmin on the handlebars.  :facepalm:  Thankfully still there upon my return.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on May 06, 2016, 01:13:06 am
Not something you would bet on in Manchester...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 15, 2016, 11:08:41 pm
Rode the 9Km to my parents for Sunday dinner.  A large meal with copious vino.   

Had a snooze then rode home.    Carried the bike up 8 flights of stairs then realised I'd left my rackpack with phone, wallet & keys at theirs.....How they laughed & jeered when I turned up again.  :facepalm:

Last week I walked home from work without my jacket (it was warm).  Luckily all the important stuff was in my manbag. 

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on May 16, 2016, 09:23:34 pm
Wondering where my commuting mitts are.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fboab on May 16, 2016, 10:58:29 pm
Mr Smith asked if I'd had any shimmys or wobbles descending at the weekend.
Because the headset was really loose.

When I fitted this  (http://www.sjscycles.co.uk/additive-spacer-one-light-holder-prod37276/)I hadn't tightened it up properly.
Fecking div.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: menthel on May 17, 2016, 11:11:17 am
Met a friend in South London for a bit of theatre this evening.  Locked up my bike outside Clapham North Station and ... left my Garmin on the handlebars.  :facepalm:  Thankfully still there upon my return.

I have had less luck than that nipping inside with my bike on the street outside my house on a quiet suburban street!
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Oaky on May 17, 2016, 07:20:52 pm
I am on a train. There are no seats, standing in the vestibule so I decide that since I am standing anyway I may as well so some exercise,  so adopted a 90 degree leg angle against the wall to "feel the burn in my quads..."

Cue the entire carriage witnessing me land on my arse as my feet slipped out forwards... :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on May 17, 2016, 07:37:23 pm
^am on tenterhooks....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on May 17, 2016, 07:37:55 pm
Wondering where my commuting mitts are.

Looked properly,  found them.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rogerzilla on May 17, 2016, 09:56:30 pm
I got on a Brompton and rode it off without fastening the main hinge.  Amazingly, I managed about five yards before it became apparent that something was very wrong with the handling and the rear wheel was catching the front one.  Wobbly John would probably have just kept going.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 17, 2016, 10:08:24 pm
I got on a Brompton and rode it off without fastening the main hinge.  Amazingly, I managed about five yards before it became apparent that something was very wrong with the handling and the rear wheel was catching the front one.  Wobbly John would probably have just kept going.

Getting towards the end of a 4 week tour I'd neglected to check the S&S couplings on the Thorn.....  having your downtube separate mid ride is interesting....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 18, 2016, 01:25:09 pm
I got on a Brompton and rode it off without fastening the main hinge.  Amazingly, I managed about five yards before it became apparent that something was very wrong with the handling and the rear wheel was catching the front one.  Wobbly John would probably have just kept going.

That happened to someone on a FNRttC last year.  They thought something was seriously wrong with the front wheel, and stopped to look at it and started up again a couple of times before I spotted the loose hinge.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on May 18, 2016, 02:29:31 pm
I got on a Brompton and rode it off without fastening the main hinge.  Amazingly, I managed about five yards before it became apparent that something was very wrong with the handling and the rear wheel was catching the front one.  Wobbly John would probably have just kept going.

Getting towards the end of a 4 week tour I'd neglected to check the S&S couplings on the Thorn.....  having your downtube separate mid ride is interesting....

McNasty in Germany comes to mind...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TimC on May 18, 2016, 04:29:40 pm
So what words for a person displaying membership of the Thick Tendency can one use without offending anyone (except the target, obv)?

A Benny

Tied to a tree?

One version has it than "benny" derives from "bender" so is probably offensive to gayers.  If it's him out of "Crossroads" then it's probably OK.

IIRC, "Benny" was (and probably still is) used as army slang for a resident of the Falkland Islands, and was derived from the aforementioned soap character.

Hence my reference to "Still" upthread.  It goes something like this:

Hofficer: "Soldier, stop calling the residents of the Falklands Bennies. I understand it is a derogatory term, derived from a character in Crossroads."
Soldier:"But Sir"
Hofficer:"Or I shall put you on a charge"
Soldier:"Yes Sah!"
<time passes>
Hofficer:"Soldier, why are you calling the residents of the Falklands 'Stills'?"
Soldier:"Because they're still Bennies, Sah!"

Said story is true, and was compounded by it actually being put in print by the authorities that the locals were not to be referred to as 'Bennys'. Hence 'Stills' became the unofficial term. Someone in power managed to resist banning 'Stills', though the troops were ready for that eventuality with the pre-prepared term 'Andys', i.e. 'and he's still a fecking Benny'.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on May 18, 2016, 10:57:23 pm
I've been left with the task of fettling Mrs. Fs lapdog whilst she is away.

Fettling done, I decided to take an image of it, onto an external USB drive which was otherwise spare.
So I plugged it in and decided to format it before using it.

Half way through the format, I noticed I was formatting the SD card ( for there is such a slot on the lapdog ), and not the external HDD.
The SD card with our holliberry photos.
AAARG!

Fortunately, I had copied all those photos onto my PC a few weeks ago, so I was able to hastily restore the SD card and say nowt.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on May 30, 2016, 12:48:25 pm
I bought slim-line tonic water instead of 'full-fat'.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 30, 2016, 01:06:06 pm
I bought slim-line tonic water instead of 'full-fat'.  :facepalm:

Same hear, except it was milk.  Familiarity problem, reached for the normal shelf, checked the date, product in the wrong place.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on May 30, 2016, 01:21:44 pm
At least they've mostly standardised the lid colours now, though I appreciate this does not help the colour-blind.
Skimmed is RED
Semi-skimmed is GREEN
Full fat is BLUE.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on May 30, 2016, 01:24:20 pm
I bought slim-line tonic water instead of 'full-fat'.  :facepalm:

Same hear, except it was milk.  Familiarity problem, reached for the normal shelf, checked the date, product in the wrong place.

Horrible.  I can't imagine gin going well with any type of milk!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 30, 2016, 01:27:47 pm
Primary colours are about as colour-blind friendly as they get, thobut.

Anyway, if you can't discriminate the colour, you'll be used to reading the label (and probably think of people picking milk without checking as silly).

Unless it's something where you aren't aware of there being a choice, like when you accidentally buy a low-fat version of something.  I once came home with a bottle of lime juice (pancakes, for the sprinkling of) because it was in a continuous shelf next to the lemon juice.  I couldn't see the colour difference, and didn't think to read the label because what else was it going to be?   :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Polar Bear on May 30, 2016, 01:31:10 pm
Thanks for reminding me Kim that buying milk in France can be amusing.   
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on May 30, 2016, 01:37:27 pm
Unless it's something where you aren't aware of there being a choice, like when you accidentally buy a low-fat version of something.  I once came home with a bottle of lime juice (pancakes, for the sprinkling of) because it was in a continuous shelf next to the lemon juice.  I couldn't see the colour difference, and didn't think to read the label because what else was it going to be?   :facepalm:

Buy limes rather than bottled juice.  Tastes better and no risk of buying low-fat.1


1. Codeword for 'no taste'.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on May 30, 2016, 02:11:58 pm
My lemon juice and lime juice (Sainsbury's) are unsweetened and naturally low-calorie.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on May 30, 2016, 02:29:59 pm
Thanks for reminding me Kim that buying milk in France can be amusing.

Typical minefield for those of us who 'point & grunt'. I have at last got it 95% consistent and have learnt the hard way the difference between 'lait frais' and 'fraiche'. (I wouldn't advise adding the latter to your coffee!) Also the distinction between 'demi-ecreme' and 'entier'.

The easy bit is avoiding UHT cos that's never in a fridge . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 30, 2016, 04:17:41 pm
Unless it's something where you aren't aware of there being a choice, like when you accidentally buy a low-fat version of something.  I once came home with a bottle of lime juice (pancakes, for the sprinkling of) because it was in a continuous shelf next to the lemon juice.  I couldn't see the colour difference, and didn't think to read the label because what else was it going to be?   :facepalm:

Buy limes rather than bottled juice.  Tastes better and no risk of buying low-fat.1


1. Codeword for 'no taste'.

PLJ, do both lemon and lime in bottles, good for cocktails as well
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 30, 2016, 04:20:28 pm
At least they've mostly standardised the lid colours now, though I appreciate this does not help the colour-blind.
Skimmed is RED
Semi-skimmed is GREEN
Full fat is BLUE.

Not colour blind, but attention deficient in this case and not looking at the lid. Son in pushchair, basket in one hand, didn't take time to check the lid
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: jsabine on May 30, 2016, 10:05:59 pm
Thanks for reminding me Kim that buying milk in France can be amusing.

Typical minefield for those of us who 'point & grunt'. I have at last got it 95% consistent and have learnt the hard way the difference between 'lait frais' and 'fraiche'. (I wouldn't advise adding the latter to your coffee!) Also the distinction between 'demi-ecreme' and 'entier'.

The easy bit is avoiding UHT cos that's never in a fridge . . .

Mmmm, lait cru.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: 'breff on May 31, 2016, 01:01:01 am
I took the lid off the coffee tin to make a (Instant) coffee. Realised the tin was nearly empty so, after spooning a bit into the cup, I got the fresh jar of coffee out of the cupboard. I boiled the kettle and promptly poured hot water straight into the coffee tin, missing the cup totally and wasting 200g of Maxwell house coffee granules.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on May 31, 2016, 09:14:36 am
I've done similar with a full tea caddy  ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: red marley on May 31, 2016, 09:15:14 am
...wasting 200g of Maxwell house coffee granules.

Oh, at least there was some good news then.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: 'breff on May 31, 2016, 11:36:55 pm
It was a pretty strong brew but I put a lot of milk in.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fboab on June 05, 2016, 12:09:42 pm
I spent a lovely half hour in Redcar Minor Injuries Unit (they were all lovely) ascertaining that yes, I've probably cracked a rib, and getting some drugs.

A moment's inattention, touched wheels with the rider in front, all over the road. Luckily my (not insubstantial) right boob bore the brunt of the impact.

Ouch.

Pictures: clicky (https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=19419.msg2037895#msg2037895)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on June 05, 2016, 12:14:27 pm
Oh dear, could have been a lot worse though. Yes.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on June 06, 2016, 01:47:08 pm
I spent a lovely half hour in Redcar Minor Injuries Unit (they were all lovely) ascertaining that yes, I've probably cracked a rib, and getting some drugs.

A moment's inattention, touched wheels with the rider in front, all over the road. Luckily my (not insubstantial) right boob bore the brunt of the impact.

Ouch.

Pictures: clicky (https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=19419.msg2037895#msg2037895)
A half hour! You got seen in a half hour!
Flipping heck, next time I hurt myself I'll get someone to drive me to Redcar, it will be quicker than waiting to be seen at York.
I've heard cracked ribs are a bit relentlessly painful. There be colourful bruises?
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: fboab on June 06, 2016, 05:29:33 pm
Sorry, I should have been clearer. I was seen in about 5 minutes and out within half an hour.

A disappointing absence of bruising, too. Not that I'd be sharing pictures of my right boob with many people  mind.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on June 06, 2016, 06:09:44 pm
In that case never mind York, driving from Bristol would be quicker than waiting at the BRI!

Heal well, fboab. Although IME ribs don't.  :(
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Andrij on June 06, 2016, 06:19:58 pm
... Not that I'd be sharing pictures of my right boob with many people  mind.


[ barely manages to resist the temptation to post the obvious follow-up question ]
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on June 07, 2016, 07:56:33 am
Sorry, I should have been clearer. I was seen in about 5 minutes and out within half an hour.

That is incredible.
When I went into York at 7am with a very obviously, very z-shaped broken arm, it was 2.5 hours before I was seen.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Chris S on June 07, 2016, 10:06:59 am
It's an excellent facility.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tees-24442608

A guy in the waiting room (actually, the ONLY other person in the waiting room when we got there - WTF?!) reckoned they were going to close it down, despite it being only six years old; but having looked into it, I think he was a little confused. Building the Redcar Minor Injuries unit allowed them to close the units at Brotton and Guisborough.

It was unlike any hospital visit I've ever had. Not only was it brief, and excellent - the car park was free!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on August 01, 2016, 02:07:16 pm
I've only just realised that Strava shows you your speed in minutes per km.

I thought it was kph and could not work out why I was getting slower and slower when out jogging. I felt I was going faster and I was trying hard. It just didn't make sense.

I'm such a fecking div
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on August 01, 2016, 03:38:33 pm
I have never had Strava but was taught to think of speed/velocity as distance/time. Time/distance would turn me upside-down so I don't think you're a div.

There again my Audax mind sometimes worked on 2-4 minutes per kilometre...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on August 01, 2016, 04:14:02 pm
Runners usually count minutes per distance - but I'm used to minutes per mile. Strava was showing it per km as 6.21/km but my poor reading eyesight meant I missed the /

However I am really a div because I should have worked out that taking less time to do the same route meant I was going faster . . .

A reasonable pace for a slow runner like me is 8min per mile - which happens to be 5min per km. I'm nearly managing that, down to 5:25, which is a lot better than 6:31. I'm trying to bank some fitness before op in Sept.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pcolbeck on August 03, 2016, 09:37:21 am
Put a pizza in the oven last night for tea. Got it out and realised I had forgotten to take the polystyrene disc of the bottom first.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on August 03, 2016, 10:36:29 am
Put a pizza in the oven last night for tea. Got it out and realised I had forgotten to take the polystyrene disc of the bottom first.

They don't taste the same like that, do they. :sick:


DAHIKT :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on August 03, 2016, 10:49:30 am
Put a pizza in the oven last night for tea. Got it out and realised I had forgotten to take the polystyrene disc of the bottom first.

my sister once did that with a chicken, forgot to take the elastic off the legs  :sick:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pcolbeck on August 03, 2016, 05:55:26 pm
Pizza was surprisingly OK.  The disk hadn't stuck to the pizza at all but had formed a 1 micron thick layer over the silicon pizza rack I was cooking it on. New rack needed I thought but a quick flex of the rack and it all peeled off in one go like sunburnt skin.
I'm going to die painfully in the near future for eating that pizza aren't I ....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on August 03, 2016, 05:58:48 pm
Put a pizza in the oven last night for tea. Got it out and realised I had forgotten to take the polystyrene disc of the bottom first.

my sister once did that with a chicken, forgot to take the elastic off the legs  :sick:

I never take the elastic off the legs prior to roasting.

Elastic is removed during carving.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on August 03, 2016, 07:55:58 pm
Put a pizza in the oven last night for tea. Got it out and realised I had forgotten to take the polystyrene disc of the bottom first.

my sister once did that with a chicken, forgot to take the elastic off the legs  :sick:

I never take the elastic off the legs prior to roasting.

Elastic is removed during carving.

This chicken tasted rubbery, and that's not a reference to the old joke.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on August 03, 2016, 08:12:28 pm
Pizza was surprisingly OK.  The disk hadn't stuck to the pizza at all but had formed a 1 micron thick layer over the silicon pizza rack I was cooking it on. New rack needed I thought but a quick flex of the rack and it all peeled off in one go like sunburnt skin.
I'm going to die painfully in the near future for eating that pizza aren't I ....

Nah.  Crusty did that once, except he ate the pizza with the polystyrene disc intact.  He's still alive as far as I know.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: asterix on August 03, 2016, 08:17:14 pm
Pizza was surprisingly OK.  The disk hadn't stuck to the pizza at all but had formed a 1 micron thick layer over the silicon pizza rack I was cooking it on. New rack needed I thought but a quick flex of the rack and it all peeled off in one go like sunburnt skin.
I'm going to die painfully in the near future for eating that pizza aren't I ....

Naaah, I've done that, it didn't do me aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on August 03, 2016, 08:22:07 pm
Currently on hols in Northern France. We've brought our bikes with us but I should've put a bit more thought into it.

Today's purchases include a set of tyre levers and a track pump.
Oh! The shame!

What was it I said I did for a living . . . ?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on August 03, 2016, 08:32:26 pm
Muhahahhahahaha, points and laugh even more. That is something to tell random grand children at family get-together for years to come ... sorry :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on August 03, 2016, 08:45:23 pm
Muhahahhahahaha, points and laugh even more. That is something to tell random grand children at family get-together for years to come ... sorry :)

[U-Boat Captain] 'Your name vill alzo go on Ze List... [/U-Boat Captain]
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on August 03, 2016, 08:51:42 pm
:)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on August 03, 2016, 09:48:26 pm
Muhahahhahahaha, points and laugh even more. That is something to tell random grand children at family get-together for years to come ... sorry :)

That's now got me thinking of the "invasion of the body snatchers" bit where the last one gets caught
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on August 04, 2016, 09:07:13 am
Currently on hols in Northern France. We've brought our bikes with us but I should've put a bit more thought into it.

Today's purchases include a set of tyre levers and a track pump.
Oh! The shame!

What was it I said I did for a living . . . ?

Showing solidarity with your cross channel brethren by bolstering their economy?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Dibdib on August 04, 2016, 10:24:14 am
What was it I said I did for a living . . . ?

On one of the early rides with the "club" (in the loosest sense of the term) I help run, one of the guys came out on a lovely old steel road bike. While was fine, until his crank fell off in the middle of nowhere and he didn't have the requisite spanners. Thankfully we found a nearby old-man-in-a-Defender, who was able to help.

Guess where he works... one of the nearby LBSes.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Peter on August 04, 2016, 10:43:20 am
Currently on hols in Northern France. We've brought our bikes with us but I should've put a bit more thought into it.

Today's purchases include a set of tyre levers and a track pump.
Oh! The shame!

What was it I said I did for a living . . . ?

You give us all hope, John!  (I was once 50 miles down the road on the way to a gig when I realise I'd left my guitar at home.....)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on August 04, 2016, 04:40:56 pm
^^^ Made Oi LARF!!!!! ^^^
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on August 06, 2016, 07:55:53 am
Fake tan.  Oh, feck, what possessed me?  Now I have to go to a wedding looking like a giraffe.  Great.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on August 06, 2016, 08:04:51 am
Fake tan.  Oh, feck, what possessed me?  Now I have to go to a wedding looking like a giraffe.  Great.

POTD! Hug!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TimC on August 06, 2016, 06:56:28 pm
Fake tan.  Oh, feck, what possessed me?  Now I have to go to a wedding looking like a giraffe.  Great.

Tall, leggy, great eyelashes, very elegant? Can't see the snag, personally! ;)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on August 07, 2016, 11:19:26 am
Fake tan.  Oh, feck, what possessed me?  Now I have to go to a wedding looking like a giraffe.  Great.

Tall, leggy, great eyelashes, very elegant? Can't see the snag, personally! ;)

Oo! Don't forget the horns . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on August 07, 2016, 11:24:39 am
Guess we're not helping much!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on August 12, 2016, 08:32:43 am
I'm going out for a few drinks with a friend straight from work, so left my bag at home. Carefully transferred essentials (work entry card, wallet, phone, etc) to jacket. Get to work, go to take computer glasses out of  . . .

You fecking div, it's going to be a long day's work without reading/computer glasses.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on August 12, 2016, 02:16:43 pm
Currently on hols in Northern France. We've brought our bikes with us but I should've put a bit more thought into it.

Today's purchases include a set of tyre levers and a track pump.
Oh! The shame!

What was it I said I did for a living . . . ?

You give us all hope, John!  (I was once 50 miles down the road on the way to a gig when I realise I'd left my guitar at home.....)
Would that some of the 'musicians' I have worked with had done the same... :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rogerzilla on August 23, 2016, 10:13:28 pm
From a review of a steam cleaner on t'Internet:

Quote
Poor explanation of what this product does - it produces steam but where does the waste water end up? Does it have to emptied? Does it vacuum?

I assume the reviewer thinks steam is some kind of magical essence, rather like phlogiston, that is evaporated from water leaving a kind of debased waste water behind.  I wonder what they do with all the waste water the Flying Scotsman must generate?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on August 23, 2016, 10:23:39 pm
That's easy: it's Scotch Mist!
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Ashaman42 on August 24, 2016, 12:38:15 pm
Don't some steam cleaners squirt steam out and then suck up the dirty condensate?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on August 28, 2016, 04:18:16 pm
I sent the V5 document for my car to DVLA in a envelope that already contained an old photo of my son's confirmation.

I became aware of this when it was sent back with a DVLA complement slip!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on August 29, 2016, 06:53:30 pm
Shimano sandals without socks are great cycling wear.  Except when you push your fully loaded bike over your own toes.....  :jurek:    :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 29, 2016, 06:56:16 pm
Shimano sandals without socks are great cycling wear.  Except when you push your fully loaded bike over your own toes.....  :jurek:    :facepalm:

Or worse: Propstand.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: jsabine on August 29, 2016, 11:41:31 pm
Shimano sandals without socks are great cycling wear.  Except when you push your fully loaded bike over your own toes.....  :jurek:    :facepalm:

Or worse: Propstand.

I'm not entirely convinced socks would help in either instance.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wombat on August 30, 2016, 08:08:43 am
They'd soak up the blood from a propstand incident!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mike on August 30, 2016, 08:22:21 am
I spent 4 hours of a sunny bank holiday afternoon writing a presentation for a meeting at 10.00 this morning. 

It's next tuesday.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: benborp on August 30, 2016, 08:54:06 am
They'd soak up the blood from a propstand incident!

If it's a really bad propstand incident then socks help keep everything together until you get hold of some Tupperware.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on August 30, 2016, 09:21:21 am
They'd soak up the blood from a propstand incident!

If it's a really bad propstand incident then socks help keep everything together until you get hold of some Tupperware.

or ducktape, the 102nd use.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on August 30, 2016, 09:54:14 am
Yesterday:  Too complex to describe in full but involved carrying a bike minus front wheel by means of two short loops of nylon cord through saddle & round bars while tottering through a narrow space between two other bikes, over two comatose Labradors and past a broadside-on pair of trestles to get at the aforementioned front wheel and then trying to slot bike over wheel while still holding it by the cords.

Why: hands filthy, didn't want to touch nice clean bike but needed to force home new snap link on chain, hands too oily to touch bars and cord too floppy to go back over ceiling hooks once I realized the wheel was still missing.

Wish someone had been there to film it.

Wish our DIY shops stocked Swarfega.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 30, 2016, 03:46:28 pm
Shimano sandals without socks are great cycling wear.  Except when you push your fully loaded bike over your own toes.....  :jurek:    :facepalm:

Or worse: Propstand.

I'm not entirely convinced socks would help in either instance.

Related:  There's a lesser form of sandals vs propstand incident, where instead of crushing your toes with the weight of the bike, you cut them on sharp edges while kicking the stand into position.  I recommend tactical application of Sugru or equivalent (to either the stand or the toes) to avoid this.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CarlF on August 30, 2016, 06:17:21 pm
Shimano sandals without socks are great cycling wear.  Except when you push your fully loaded bike over your own toes.....  :jurek:    :facepalm:

On the bright side, I assume you didn't have Marathon Winters fitted at this time of year
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on August 31, 2016, 08:27:52 am
OK. Packing for an overnight stay (at MiL) and customer presentation.

Suit? check
Shirt? check
Tie? check
all the other bits? check

<voices off from Mrs Ham> Are you sure you have everything?

Me: Of course (with slight note of irritation, obv. I think Mrs Ham thinks I'm sometimes a bit of a div)

It turns out I do have everything. In fact slightly more than everything as my two shoes are from two pairs. One brogue, one plain. They are both black - does that make it better?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 31, 2016, 11:15:58 am
Two left feet?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on August 31, 2016, 02:09:17 pm
Remarkably, no. And thankfully this table has a cloth right down to the ground (and I've done my bit now)

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on August 31, 2016, 03:42:36 pm
Two left feet?

I knew someone who DNS an Audax because two left SPD shoes reasons.

Doesn't happen to those who cycle there...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Morat on September 05, 2016, 08:51:58 pm
I just drilled two nice precise holes in my brand new Radial mudguard to attach my RAW flap. Imagine my joy when I realised I'd drilled it through the wrong end of the guard :(

However, it turns out that I won't actually be bothered by the two holes shining at me every time I glance down, because the guards are too narrow (35mm guards, 30C tyres) and the little clips for the stays won't clear the tyre at all. I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on September 09, 2016, 03:13:26 pm
Alarm goes off.  Mr Larrington stumble bleary-eyed about his room, falling over things and mumbling.  Mr Larrington switches on his laptop.  Mr Larrington notices dearth of e-mail.  Mr Larrington, forgetting he is wearing a gert big watch, squints at bottom right corner of screen and notices it has just gone midnight.  Mr Larrington prods the alarm clock and finds it can be programmed with two alarm-going-off-time.

Mr Larrington utters foul curses in a Several of languages and goes back to bed.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 09, 2016, 05:12:18 pm
Alarm goes off.  Mr Larrington stumble bleary-eyed about his room, falling over things and mumbling.  Mr Larrington switches on his laptop.  Mr Larrington notices dearth of e-mail.  Mr Larrington, forgetting he is wearing a gert big watch, squints at bottom right corner of screen and notices it has just gone midnight.  Mr Larrington prods the alarm clock and finds it can be programmed with two alarm-going-off-time.

Mr Larrington utters foul curses in a Several of languages and goes back to bed.

BTDT

last night I forgot to set my alarm back to terra firma rather than North Sea.  North Sea involves such delights as daily briefings at 0630
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 13, 2016, 03:06:50 pm
I bought a piezo igniter, to set fire to gas cannisters while camping, off ebay. It didn't arrive. Turned out the fault was mine; I'd left a line off my address.  :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:

By great coincidence, today a DHL man arrived with a parcel. Not for me though. It's for a neighbour, whose name I don't recognise, and the address also had a line missing; but he said they checked it on the electoral register. Which I suppose they can do.  :-\
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on September 14, 2016, 08:07:49 am
Alarm goes off.  Mr Larrington stumble bleary-eyed about his room, falling over things and mumbling.  Mr Larrington switches on his laptop.  Mr Larrington notices dearth of e-mail.  Mr Larrington, forgetting he is wearing a gert big watch, squints at bottom right corner of screen and notices it has just gone midnight.  Mr Larrington prods the alarm clock and finds it can be programmed with two alarm-going-off-time.

Mr Larrington utters foul curses in a Several of languages and goes back to bed.

BTDT

last night I forgot to set my alarm back to terra firma rather than North Sea.  North Sea involves such delights as daily briefings at 0630

I just did the same. Double-freak out caused by the fact my alarm music is a bit of the Interstellar soundtrack that goes quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly quietly NOT SO QUIETLY! Thuswise sneaks into my head and goes BAHBAHBAH when I least expect it.

And then the fact my wife was there when she's normally gone. I told you I was flying to Madrid at 10am, she mumbles through her slumber in a way that says I'll pay for waking her up. I evidently wasn't listening.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 14, 2016, 01:17:00 pm
I did an accidental norty on the bike today.

came up behind a motorbike at a set of lights in Cambridge. Off he toddled and I followed, except he went left and I went straight on.  It wan't until a car hooted at me that I realised nothing else was following me and he had a left filter.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on September 14, 2016, 03:39:05 pm
I drove through a red light last evening. Mrs. Wow was trying to alert me to the fact that it was red, but I was in a world of my own. I have been through those lights (legally) many times, but yesterday I couldn't see the colours as a result of the sun shining from behind them, and totally forgot that they were there. It was on a roundabout and I did all the other stuff correctly for a round about without lights.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Si S on September 15, 2016, 08:10:57 am
I've been fiddling with right cleat lately and trying to figure out if it feels right managed to stick my foot in the wheel  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on September 15, 2016, 10:23:58 pm
Can I get a special award? I took in a parcel for a neighbour today, put it by the door for when they called. When they called, I wasn't there. Neither was the parcel. Which I had left where we leave recycling in transit. Which I (nobody else) had taken out and recycled - jumping up and down on it to make it fit in the recycling bin.

 :facepalm:

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Zipperhead on September 16, 2016, 02:09:36 pm
I think you've just won the thread.  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Polar Bear on September 16, 2016, 02:15:20 pm
I think that Ham has just won the bloody internet!   :D  :D  :D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Oaky on September 16, 2016, 02:39:38 pm
I don't think I've ever seen a more nailed-on candidate for POTD!  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on September 16, 2016, 06:28:17 pm
I did actually laugh out loud at that, thanks Ham!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 16, 2016, 07:48:48 pm
Re-commissioned the turbo trainer yesterday after a pretty dry summer and no real need to be indoors.  All started up OK and had a few software updates (TTS 4) but when I started the training, target 100rpm, the trainer was showing over 200.

I didn't think much of that as it was about double the target and I thought it might be a software thing i.e. count each leg.  But the weirdness continued when I dropped the cadence to 80, but the indicated value went up to 240.

Throughout this I was also using my Garmin Fenix 2, so I have a reasonable idea of the real cadence, plus the feel in my legs.

Anyone got any ideas or had a similar issue?


whilst nowhere in the league of Ham, I've just committed a fairly sizeable act of divinity/divness myself.

Having posted the above in another thread, I've just woked it out myself.

I'd set the taxc cadence sensor to pick up the wheel magnet, not the crank magnet, so when I upped the gear and dropped the cadence, the wheel speed still went up  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on September 18, 2016, 12:50:51 pm
Got up early this morning to makes some lovely canapes for our church's 80th birthday party today.  Feta cheese, sunsoaked tomato, palma ham parcel, and a black olive, speared on a cocktail stick.  Scores of them.  It wasn't cheap either, but it's a special day and it deserves a special effort for the bring-and-share lunch.

Got some slap on, high heels, brushed my hair and everything.

Arrived to a very depleted congregation, and no-one else had brought anything!

That party.  It's next week. 

It all got et, nevertheless  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on September 18, 2016, 12:58:41 pm
Ooops, well you gave people an unexpected treat!   :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 18, 2016, 08:03:21 pm
Better than turning up a week late at least!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on October 04, 2016, 03:44:34 pm
"Time for a cup of tea," I thought. So I went into the kitchen, put the kettle on, opened the lid of the tea bag container, took out one of Mr Tetley's finest and dropped it accurately from a great height into... a soup bowl.

It seems I really needed that cup of tea.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: MagnusOpus on October 04, 2016, 04:04:27 pm
Saturday,

had to get some stuff from the boot of the car.....

Brain sends signal to arm to shut boot

Brain then thinks, I didn't leave the keys in the boot did I?

Sadly arm has followed the initial instruction and just isn't going to abort until it's mission is complete

Clunk....check pocket...look through boot window....oh bollocks

Never have this problem with a carradice

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on October 04, 2016, 05:00:00 pm
For extra divviness make sure your other set of car keys are hanging from a hook in the kitchen, three hundred miles from where your securely locked motorcar is currently parked.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on October 04, 2016, 07:19:37 pm
"It's Tuesday night; bin night!" quoth the bot.
"We'd better put the bin out." remarks barakta.
"I've got the bin, you get the door.  There isn't anything festering in the fridge is there?"  says Kim, emptying the kitchen bin like a boss.
"Actually, pass me that recycling, I'll put it in the recycling bin while I'm at it.", going for extra credit.

And so it came to pass, and we hobble retire upstairs satisfied with a job well done.

*Time passes*

"What's that noise?" wonders Kim, "Ah, it's out neighbour and his idiotic collie putting their wheeliebin out.  Fair enough."
"Hang on, we didn't actually put the wheeliebin out, did we?" asks barakta.
"Yes, that thought also occurred to me.  Which is why I'm at this very moment instructing the computer to remind us when we next go downstairs."
"But we'll just ignore that because we already did the bins."
"I've also anticipated that problem, so I've told it to say 'actually put the bin out you idiot'."


(I'm reckoning there's a 50% chance of extra div points in the not too distant future...)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on October 04, 2016, 09:39:21 pm
For extra divviness make sure your other set of car keys are hanging from a hook in the kitchen, three hundred miles from where your securely locked motorcar is currently parked.


Last time I did that (many, many moons ago just after passing test) I was in front of the police station.  A very nice policeman showed me how easy it was to break into my car.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on October 04, 2016, 10:09:48 pm
I did it with my old Capri; the AA man got it open quicker with his metal thingummy than I could with the key.  Alas, modern motorcar locks are made of sterner stuff, but because I was too tight to shell out for electric rear windows he was able to wind one down enough to hook the keys (fortunately I had the rear seats down).  Only now, eight years on, have I realised he could probably have poked the lock override button with his stick instead.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on October 04, 2016, 10:17:12 pm
Update: Bin-related divvishness successfully averted through advanced technology.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on October 04, 2016, 11:35:46 pm
Update: Bin-related divvishness successfully averted through advanced technology.

Good oh.   :thumbsup:

I'm lucky here, inasmuch as the truck doesn't come through till about noon.  By that time I've generally noticed the neighbours bags out.
I also get a clue as to which week it is.  Here it is recycle bags every week and black bags once a fortnight, which is the opposite of what I was used to in Brum.  Certainly concentrates the mind when chucking stuff in bins.  Which is a good thing, I s'pose.
However, they do accept all the plastics, unlike Brum.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on October 05, 2016, 12:55:02 am
Ours seem to have become a lot more random since the wheeliebins.  They now do an early morning recycling run along $perpendicular_road to maximise noise heard from the bedroom, but the normal bins can go at any point from early morning to mid afternoon.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 05, 2016, 07:29:59 am
Our bin men come round at about 5 a.m.  The bloke across the road leaves for work at ~4:30 so he trundles his bin out just before leaving.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on October 05, 2016, 10:24:19 am
For extra divviness make sure your other set of car keys are hanging from a hook in the kitchen, three hundred miles from where your securely locked motorcar is currently parked.


Last time I did that (many, many moons ago just after passing test) I was in front of the police station.  A very nice policeman showed me how easy it was to break into my car.

Back in the day of less than secure motor vehicles, any copper worth their salt had a length of plastic packing band coiled up in their helmet or handbag.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 06, 2016, 10:18:49 am
I once broke into our old Passat with a wire coat-hanger.

Meanwhile, my passing divviness arises from having chivalrously paid the speeding fine and accepted a point on my licence when it was the missus wot dun it. Now we're thinking of buying a new car and insuring it, and I'm not sure that a non-virgin licence won't incur an increased premium.  :-\
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: MagnusOpus on October 07, 2016, 09:46:39 am
Not the first time I've made the key mistake, we only have one set, and I'm loathe to spend the £200 we were quoted on a spare set!

Anyway, the RAC man got in easy enough using the big plastic spudgers and rubber balloon on the door frame technique
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on October 08, 2016, 12:21:35 pm
Not the first time I've made the key mistake, we only have one set, and I'm loathe to spend the £200 we were quoted on a spare set!

Anyway, the RAC man got in easy enough using the big plastic spudgers and rubber balloon on the door frame technique

If your car has a normal key slot you could get Timpson or whoever local to cut you a key which would unlock the car. It wouldn't work the immobiliser without the car being programmed to recognise it and opening the car would set the alarm off but that would quickly be sorted as soon as you put your hands on the real one.

You would, of course, have to have the foresight to have it with you...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: FatBloke on October 08, 2016, 07:08:12 pm
I once broke into our old Passat with a wire coat-hanger.

Meanwhile, my passing divviness arises from having chivalrously paid the speeding fine and accepted a point on my licence when it was the missus wot dun it. Now we're thinking of buying a new car and insuring it, and I'm not sure that a non-virgin licence won't incur an increased premium.  :-\
Wouldn't worry about the premium. However, you should worry about a 12 month sentence for perverting the course of justice by putting your hand up for your wife's misdemeanors!!!   :demon:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: jsabine on October 10, 2016, 09:02:16 am
T42's in That France. They do things differently there
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Zipperhead on October 10, 2016, 02:53:35 pm
I once broke into our old Passat with a wire coat-hanger.

Meanwhile, my passing divviness arises from having chivalrously paid the speeding fine and accepted a point on my licence when it was the missus wot dun it. Now we're thinking of buying a new car and insuring it, and I'm not sure that a non-virgin licence won't incur an increased premium.  :-\
Wouldn't worry about the premium. However, you should worry about a 12 month sentence for perverting the course of justice by putting your hand up for your wife's misdemeanors!!!   :demon:

Don't tell me that you've never put your hand up your wife's misdemeanors?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: 'breff on October 10, 2016, 10:32:41 pm
i tried to charge a set of lights today. front light was easy, micro usb charged it fine. rear light had, what looked to me, like a flat but wide bit sticking up with circuitry painted on it. nowhere to plug the usb thingy into. Sprogs came over and I mentioned it to her. she looked at it and gave me a "Gibbs smack onna head!". it plugs directly into a usb output socket!
why, ffs, a different lead on front and rar lights?
HALFORDS innit!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Canardly on October 11, 2016, 10:58:54 am
'Cos there is a world wide conspiracy amongst electronics fu guys to make sure you have as little kitchen worktop as possible.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on October 17, 2016, 09:58:59 am
Coming to a full stop in a safe and timely manner is better effected if, after removing the front wheel to get a a dead leaf stuck inside the mud-guard and making annoying shSHHHHhshhhSHHHHsssHHHHHhhsssSSShhh-type noises, one remembers to re-hook the front brake :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on October 17, 2016, 10:22:07 am
I'm really distracted atm.

So distracted that when I went to supermarket (tescos) to buy breakfast and lunch this morning that halfway to work I couldn't remember if I'd paid or not (self-service checkout). I could remember packing food into my bag, but could not remember taking wallet out of jacket to pay.

So convinced I was that I hadn't paid, that when I got into work, I had to log into my bank account to see if there were any transactions. I'd even written down a list of what I'd bought, so I could take it back into the shop.

There, in my 'recent transactions list', payment to Tescos, this morning.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on October 17, 2016, 11:30:19 am
You have quite a conscience, mrcharly. I'm sure most of us in that situation would have maybe felt a bit guilty but at the same time decided well, the supermarket won't miss it, I'll just make sure I don't make the same mistake next time.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on October 17, 2016, 01:04:49 pm
Coming to a full stop in a safe and timely manner is better effected if, after removing the front wheel to get a a dead leaf stuck inside the mud-guard and making annoying shSHHHHhshhhSHHHHsssHHHHHhhsssSSShhh-type noises, one remembers to re-hook the front brake :facepalm:

Did that Friday in Oxford, took the bike out of the car, put the front wheel back on, set off came to the first stop "bugger, no brakes", called myself names and sorted it out.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on October 17, 2016, 01:06:36 pm
You have quite a conscience, mrcharly. I'm sure most of us in that situation would have maybe felt a bit guilty but at the same time decided well, the supermarket won't miss it, I'll just make sure I don't make the same mistake next time.
It was more the thought that the guy who monitors the self checkout would get into trouble that motivated my conscience, he's a nice bloke, always helpful and friendly.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on October 20, 2016, 10:21:30 am
That sounds a far more understandable prompter of conscience. Pretty impressive (in a way) that they have a specific employee in charge of self-checkouts; the only ones I use, in the Co-op, don't seem to have anyone in charge of them at all, they frequently break down (or refuse to process my shopping in some way) and you end up at the normal till anyway.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on October 23, 2016, 11:20:59 am
You have quite a conscience, mrcharly. I'm sure most of us in that situation would have maybe felt a bit guilty but at the same time decided well, the supermarket won't miss it, I'll just make sure I don't make the same mistake next time.
It was more the thought that the guy who monitors the self checkout would get into trouble that motivated my conscience, he's a nice bloke, always helpful and friendly.

Just as a thought, there is more chance of getting him into trouble if you went back and 'fessed up as without that they would not have known anything untoward would have happened. (But I doubt any comeback to any employee)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pumpkin on October 24, 2016, 10:19:12 am
wore a pair of Rapha winter gloves, took them off @ work and left them outside the room I got changed in. Later realised this and of course they weren't there. Ffwd a week and I left a pair of Defeet (prendas) fluo with assos liners in the same place/same time - What a div ??? ??? But a cleaner spotted them and returned them this am :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on October 24, 2016, 06:01:23 pm
Made an 'oopsie' when booking my flights: I have 1h20m at O'Hare to transfer from domestic to international flight.   :facepalm:

I have until Wednesday to study airport maps.  I'm pretty sure there's another flight that evening, but I'd rather catch my scheduled flight.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on November 03, 2016, 07:52:33 am
Get to station. Feck. cable lock isn't in bike basket. Must have dropped out. I'll have to go home. Could have fallen out anywhere. Need to get into work early. bugger bugger bugger.

Then look at bike hoop and see cable lock dangling loosely round it, like someone had left it there from the day before . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on November 03, 2016, 03:44:39 pm
No sound over the bluetoothy link to the radiogram. Computer volume OK? Restart bluetooth adaptor, no change. Stereo on-off. No change. Restart computer. No change. Curse the immaculately craven image of Finestre, the Demon of Such Things.

Then I notice iTunes (in common with such things) has it's own little separate volume control which the latest update had conveniently set to zero.

(Still, it's a parable of modern life that adjusting music volume requires three controls to be set - app, computer, and the bloody radiogram.)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on November 04, 2016, 10:56:04 am
If you jibble the volume wossname in iTunes while using Airplay to propel musical tunes over the network to your oh-so-clever AV-o-Matic then the latter gets its volume jibbled too, but you can't see that it's done this because the AV-o-Matic is concealed from your vulgar gaze by a coffee table, and you only find out about it when you've juggled a mouse and two or three remotes and switched over to watch the news.

That Fiona Bruce is a dashed pretty gel but I don't need her to be SHOUTING AT ME.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on November 04, 2016, 01:49:47 pm
Last night, before bobo's I checked the weather for the area. Very light showers between 1500 and 1800.

I believed em. Didn't pack any wet weather gear. Rode to work in the dry. It then started to rain. Still waiting for it to stop.

Guess I will be getting moist on the ride home ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on November 04, 2016, 01:58:11 pm
I've resigned myself to the turbo this evening
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mcshroom on November 05, 2016, 02:40:23 pm
It might have been a good idea to check whether I needed a top or bottom swing front mech for my hybrid before ordering the new part and trying to fit it. Then I wouldn't find out that a bottom swing mech would need to be fitted at exactly the same height as the bottom bottle cage boss :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Diver300 on November 06, 2016, 05:22:40 pm
And the One Show.
I listened to the whole of the Now Show on iPlayer and there was nothing about the WMP initiative on close passes  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on November 08, 2016, 03:01:13 pm
Noticed that I had two Adobe accounts and was paying for two Photoshop CC licences instead of one, one for our company and one for me.  This was originally just mine but last year at some point I reckon that what I thought was an update to new features actually led me to purchase a new licence.  As far as I can see (scrabbling desperately for excuses here) I did this in the aftermath of a 600k when I was a bit more wawa than usual, which can be pretty wawa anyway when I have too much sugar on board.

That's Div Medal #1.

DM + bar is that instead of charging the extra licence to the company I charged it to my private VISA via my Paypal account.

DM + 2 bars: Since it was on the private account I never saw it the company account when I was doing our VAT returns and so I never claimed it back (a whole 1.8€/month).

I just cancelled the company licence, since we're closing.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on November 08, 2016, 03:21:46 pm
When you accept work from an international source, always check what time zone they're using.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on November 08, 2016, 09:23:14 pm
I ordered all the parts from the supermarket to have burgers for tea.
Except the burgers.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on November 08, 2016, 11:07:13 pm
When you accept work from an international source, always check what time zone they're using.  :facepalm:

BTDT

but what to do when one party is in California, another in UK and the third in Japan?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on November 08, 2016, 11:30:59 pm
When you accept work from an international source, always check what time zone they're using.  :facepalm:

BTDT

but what to do when one party is in California, another in UK and the third in Japan?
With a party like that, who needs to look at the clock?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on November 08, 2016, 11:36:03 pm
Anyway, finished it 2h30 before deadline. At least, according to my calculation of UTC-6. Their's seemed to be an hour later sending me the stuff. Funny how that happens. FSVO funny.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on December 21, 2016, 09:54:52 pm
I thought this flat was too warm.....  left the storage heaters switched on all day  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on December 22, 2016, 01:26:50 am
This time of year I do a fair number of PDI builds. People come in to look for a bike, get a price then I pick them up off the floor and off they go to Smiths Toys, Argos or Sports Direct. Some just buy on line and wonder how the full size bike fits in that box that's a lot smaller.

Phone call late this aft, can I put a bike together? Yes. Can I drop it off today? Yes, before 6. Will it be ready for Friday? Yes.

Having run out of job cards I wrote the name & phone number on the box then unpacked the bike, adding the box to the pile of saved packaging I keep for the car breaker round the corner (cos getting big cartons for used panels & glass is expensive).

Five to six. 'Eyup, John'
'Eyup, Dave'
'Are you done with these boxes? I've got loads of stuff to get on the carrier tomorrow'
'No problem'
'Cheers, John'

Now I've finished the bike, just need to ring... Shit!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on December 22, 2016, 07:45:31 am
I thought this flat was too warm.....  left the storage heaters switched on all day  :facepalm:

Thanks for the reminder - I need a new heater for my workshop.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on December 22, 2016, 01:55:34 pm
I thought this flat was too warm.....  left the storage heaters switched on all day  :facepalm:

Thanks for the reminder - I need a new heater for my workshop.

Added to the list for my new gym.  Office can wait a while until I've assessed the contribution of the boiler to space heating
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: cygnet on December 22, 2016, 07:59:25 pm
Only noticed after I got to work. And with different fastening mechanisms!
(https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/12006263_10153705107995625_5411272030388277476_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=d07d91489f1df0182b35f8858ee5a63b&oe=58FBC931)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on December 23, 2016, 08:13:59 am
Are you a Div or does your sartorial elegance make you the new style icon?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on December 23, 2016, 08:40:35 am
Only noticed after I got to work. And with different fastening mechanisms!
(https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/12006263_10153705107995625_5411272030388277476_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=d07d91489f1df0182b35f8858ee5a63b&oe=58FBC931)
I think that gets you div-of-the-year award! Congratulations (or something). That is seriously some major distracted-thinking going on there.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on December 23, 2016, 03:59:46 pm
People's powers of observation are such that most of cygnet's colleagues are unlikely to have noticed unless told...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on December 23, 2016, 04:15:16 pm
Top divving, Cygnet! And just sufficiently non-matching colour schemes to enhance the effect without making it too obvious.  :D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on December 23, 2016, 05:07:15 pm
I forgot to lock the lateral adjustment on the router table...

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on December 23, 2016, 06:39:05 pm
^^^^ Oops! ^^^^
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on December 26, 2016, 11:15:47 am
I sharpened a penknife yesterday and tested it on the edge of a folded-up Shimano installation leaflet that was lying about the bench.  As I cut into edge A, edge B cut into my thumb.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: LittleWheelsandBig on December 26, 2016, 12:11:23 pm
 You aren't the first to do this. Still funny though.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on February 11, 2017, 11:51:34 pm
So i'm doing the washing up and working on a pyrex casserole dish lid on which there are spots of burnt deposits. I'm scrubbing away furiously on a spot which isn't shifting so wonder if it is on the other side of the lid. I turn it over and scrub away furiously and unsuccessfully. I then realise the spot is a blood blister on my fingertip......

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: De Sisti on February 12, 2017, 09:00:23 am
Normally walk to work and carry a brolly (about 12 ins long). On Friday, as I'm leaving the building for home I notice spits
of rain. "Oh, where's my brolly?" I said. Probably on my desk. So back up 4 flights of stairs, check my desk area; brolly not there.
Get a colleague to help me look for it. Brolly not found. Go downstairs to an admin/security area and report it missing.


On arrival at home I find it where I'd put it the previous evening (next to the coat stand).


Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on March 14, 2017, 09:16:58 pm
Arrived at gym with little time to get changed before spin class due to a succession of minor div events.  I've had a real day of it.  Anyway opened bag to find I've packed a pair of undercrakers instead of gym shorts.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on March 16, 2017, 07:32:06 am
There is a lay-by near us. Sometimes there is a trailer selling fast food. Sometimes there is a trailer promoting hot tubs.
The hot tub trailer is always parked in the direction of travel on that side of the road, the burger trailer is always parked against the direction of travel.
After months of passing I have finally realised that there is only one trailer with a serving hatch on one side and promotional posters on the back.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: phantasmagoriana on March 23, 2017, 09:07:44 pm
Bought some new cycling shoes (I'm finally going to give proper road pedals a try, after years of fearing them and resolving never to give up my SPDs...). Tried them on - they seemed too tight around the toes, which is weird as they're a Northwave 42, I've got several other pairs of Northwave shoes in a 42 and they fit just fine.

Was just about to pack them up for returning, when I tried them on again. This time, I discovered the cardboard bit inside the toe, which I'd forgotten to take out when I tried them on the first time. :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on March 24, 2017, 01:54:58 pm
So, the wall bracket I had to repair has a plastic plug blanking then screw hole. Judicious application of a small flat bladed screw driver failed to extract the plug. Time to break out the bradawl. Slip- Ouch!!!! Claret........

Fecking div ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on March 24, 2017, 02:07:21 pm
My Parker fountain pen was empty.  I washed it out, then refilled it carefully, without a drop of ink going astray (which, I confess, is rare).

Buoyed by this, I decided to check my Pilot fountain pen.  Yeah, a bit low, so I went to fill it up. 

'Out, damned spot!' :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on March 24, 2017, 07:40:05 pm
Can anyone explain why, when hand spinning the crank, fast, after lubing, I decided to try to slow the rear wheel down with my hand? by clutching vaguely the bit near the (steel) mudguard? No? I just need to look at the thread title you say?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on March 24, 2017, 11:18:48 pm
This morning. Very first job of the day. Removing a brake disc. Now, this is usually done with a T25 in my trusty, ratchet bit driver. Nice chunky handle, pleasing ratchet action, easily reversible. This time the bolts were just too tight and I had to resort to the L-shaped key. Still too tight. Just give an extra tweek. OUCH! The bolt gave in and the knuckle on my middle finger was very neatly sliced by the disc edge. DICKHEAD!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on March 25, 2017, 11:12:51 pm
Only just getting it mobile now. This morning my finger looked like it was auditioning for 'the Elephant Man'. I've spent the day wearing vinyl gloves to keep it clean. Bloody sore thobut...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 27, 2017, 04:45:43 pm
It's taken until 15 minutes ago for me to be caught out by the GMT to BST switch – or rather by Transponders' failure to allow for it. Well, TBH it did clearly say GMT in the initial email, so I've only myself to blame. Still, that gives me an extra hour to finish tomorrow morning.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SteveC on April 01, 2017, 07:40:14 pm
MrsC and I were meeting a Facebook friend of hers at Stonehenge today. As usual the traffic was bad going west (it being a Saturday, the tidal flow reverses on Sunday afternoons), so the friend was rather late. We sat in the car for a while before deciding we'd go and have a look round the shop and café while waiting.
We then have a very pleasant lunch and an equally pleasant afternoon looking at the Stones and round the new museum.
It was the friend's birthday so we had brought some flowers. I was deputed to go and fetch these from our car. Can't find my keys. Borrow MrsC's, go get flowers. Then start the hunt for my keys. They are not in any of my pockets, which is where I would normally put them. They are not in the bag I was carrying. I can only assume I've dropped them somewhere. But Stonehenge is a big site and we've 'done' all of it! So I go to the information place, they get on the radios, no luck. They take details. I go to the café. Not their either.
For want of anything else, I go back to the car to search my bag again. Still no keys. Then I look in the front.
They they are. Still in the ignition. So the car had been sitting there for over three hours, open, with the keys all ready to be driven off.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Quisling on April 03, 2017, 11:31:39 am
This is probably the right place to confess that a couple of years ago I was dagging our sheep and got to a particularly crusty bit which offered a lot of resistance to the shears. So I squeezed harder and nipped the end of the poor sheep's tail off.  It's surprising how far a startled ewe can jump, whilst squirting blood juice.  Expensive mistake :-(
(Sheep is fine, she's expecting lamb(s) any day.  Mrs Q does the dagging now...)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on April 03, 2017, 01:21:45 pm
Yesterday morning, I was sat happily outside with a cup of coffee as I applied black hammerite to a wrought iron gate.  The small tin of paint looked exactly the same diameter and colour as the coffee from above.

A dip of hammerite brush does little to improve the flavour of hot lava java.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on April 03, 2017, 01:40:24 pm
But the gate is now nicely awake?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: caerau on April 03, 2017, 04:26:25 pm
Well it could have been worse.  You could have taken a swig from the hammerite tin!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: LEE on April 03, 2017, 04:40:32 pm
I once gave the kick-start of my FS1E moped a kick, whilst holding the HT lead and spark plug, to check for a spark.
It turned the engine over 4 times.  I know this because I still remember every one of the four "belts" I received.

I was 16 so it counts as experience.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: caerau on April 03, 2017, 05:04:24 pm
That sounds like me wondering vaguely why I was able to still listen to the radio when I was rewiring a light socket in our old house in Birmingham a few years back, I had turned the electricity off.... hadn't I... err...?  :jurek:


I gingerly removed the screwdriver away from that there live wire in my hand.  :facepalm:


I was more like 36 then - so no excuse.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on April 03, 2017, 05:33:22 pm
Changing the faceplate of a socket in our last house after having a new consumer unit and other stuff done by the local qualified electrician.  Having isolated it at the new board, for some reason I plugged a radio in to test it - STILL LIVE.  The boss of the firm of electricians was very contrite and sent out someone to rectify it immediately (not the original lad who'd just finished his apprenticeship).  He did tell us not to worry though as the RCD would have kicked in
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on April 17, 2017, 02:31:52 pm
We returned from the weekend in the Peaks in good time this morning, but with a poorly barakta.  I ceremonially unloaded the bike and camping stuff into the gangway, with instructions to clear enough space so I could get to the fridge, and went to make good use of the hour-and-a-bit remaining car hire by doing a milk and heavy things supermarket shop.

On returning, barakta had done as requested, and skulked off to bed.  I unloaded the shopping, fridged the fridgables, grabbed the Brompton and returned the car to the SEEKRIT cubbyhole in Bournville where it sucks up electrons and waits for the next user.  A quick ride back down the hill, and I hung up the wet tent and finished putting away the rest of the shopping.  At which point I found the parcel shelf for the car, which barakta had moved from the conspicuous place where I left it, presumably so we wouldn't be reminded of its presence by tripping over the bloody thing.

So, considering my options, a bit more tidying up in order to extract the bike trailer and a suitably hitched bike, then back up the hill to Bournville, discovered that fortunately the magic car computer would still unlock the doors for me (and proceed to moan about my reservation being over), so I was able to return the shelf without creating a new booking.  Then a CYCLIST appeared, stage right, upon a rather nice raw lacquer S-type.  He looked at me and my empty bike trailer quizzically, so I imparted the words of wisdom:

Top tip: Don't forget to put the parcel shelf back before returning a hire car.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on April 17, 2017, 08:10:48 pm

Spot the deliberate mistake....

Heat olive oil in a pan, add minced garlic, chopped red chilli, crushed dried chilli, prawns & the filthy velcro strap you use to keep the pump in place on the seat stay.....  :facepalm:



Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on April 17, 2017, 09:59:06 pm
It was the prawns, wasn't it?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on April 17, 2017, 10:34:04 pm
Yeah, prawns are rubbish for keeping the pump in place on the seat stay.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on April 17, 2017, 10:50:51 pm
Yeah, prawns are rubbish for keeping the pump in place on the seat stay.

With that many legs?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on April 17, 2017, 10:58:37 pm
Never mix chillies and velcro. Or is it grape and grain?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on April 17, 2017, 11:04:12 pm
Velcro doesn't half stick to your teeth as well..... :-D


And pappardelle is crap at securing pumps
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on April 20, 2017, 03:34:23 pm
I swapped out a duff relay on our circuit-breaker board this morning. In accordance with the recommended procedure, I took 10 (!**) clear photos from every angle first so as to get the wiring right, then followed them and installed the thing with no problems.

I then noticed that the two relays adjoining the one I had replaced were exactly the same model with the exactly same wiring.  Glad we're not still in the days of Polaroid.

** currently humming Alice's Restaurant.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on April 20, 2017, 07:23:46 pm
I then noticed that the two relays adjoining the one I had replaced were exactly the same model with the exactly same wiring.
Yeah, but Sod's law would have the adjoining relays wired differently to the replaced unit if you _hadn't_ taken the photgraphs.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on April 20, 2017, 07:33:57 pm
Indeed, I'm not sure excessive paranoia counts as divvish.

I had to determine the polarity of a battery last week by correlating the PCB-fished-out-of-the-bin orientation with a bit of stickytape residue on the battery.  I hadn't bothered marking the terminals because I was just going to probe it with a multimeter.  Then it turned out to be completely discharged...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on April 20, 2017, 07:38:37 pm
** currently humming Alice's Restaurant.
As am I now.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vernon on April 20, 2017, 09:38:25 pm
** currently humming Alice's Restaurant.
As am I now.
27 8 by 10 color glossy photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one saying what each one was.

Me too!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on April 20, 2017, 10:38:17 pm
I'd have soldered the original faulty relay back into the circuit board.

BTDTGTTS
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on April 20, 2017, 11:26:30 pm
He did tell us not to worry though as the RCD would have kicked in

I'm a big fan of RCDs.

See, I've been doing a fair bit of hedge trimming lately and... well, let's just say that the power cable for the hedge trimmer has been inadvertently shortened. Twice.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on April 26, 2017, 11:09:38 pm
Number suits owned by me. 5
Number of suits in car when I arrived at hotel in Staffordshire tonight for niece's wedding tomorrow.  0

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on April 26, 2017, 11:14:38 pm
Number suits owned by me. 5
Number of suits in car when I arrived at hotel in Staffordshire tonight for niece's wedding tomorrow.  0

 :facepalm:

Blimey, Basil, I didn't have you marked down as an icon of sartorial elegance!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on April 27, 2017, 08:21:30 am
Not really. 3 of them are Marks & Sparks
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on April 27, 2017, 10:17:40 am
The other 2 are Woolworths.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on April 27, 2017, 10:41:40 am
The other 2 are Woolworths.

No. Pound Shop.   ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on April 27, 2017, 10:50:59 am
I phoned a place in Stoke that does hire.
"Sorry sir.  Impossible today.  We normally ask for three weeks notice."

WTF  ???

Currently working my way  through young male rellies spare jackets and trousers.
Status improving to mildly eccentric uncle level.  (Normal)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on April 27, 2017, 10:58:00 am
Status improving to mildly eccentric uncle level.  (Normal)
Glad to hear, every family needs at least one :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: jsabine on April 27, 2017, 11:03:41 am
The other 2 are Woolworths.

No. Pound Shop.   ;D

You're being unfair to yourself. I had you down as a Fifty Shilling Tailors man.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on April 27, 2017, 11:34:37 am
Thought I was being clever by booking a hotel stop on the DIY 600 I'm doing next month. It's about 420km into the route, so it will mean arriving in the middle of the night but after a shower and a few hours kip, that will leave a nice easy second day.

Discovered yesterday that check-in closes at 11.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on April 27, 2017, 12:02:34 pm
** currently humming Alice's Restaurant.
As am I now.
27 8 by 10 color glossy photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one saying what each one was.

Me too!
Ah, but do you know ALL the words?

Does ANYONE know ALL the words?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on April 27, 2017, 12:03:03 pm
The other 2 are Woolworths.

No. Pound Shop.   ;D

Demob suit?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CAMRAMan on April 27, 2017, 12:17:24 pm
Unleaded in a diesel car. Enough said!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: 504steve on April 27, 2017, 12:27:48 pm
Unleaded in a diesel car. Enough said!

Done that. I was only going to put a £10's worth in. But whilst filling I thought I'd treat the car a bit and bunged £40's worth of fuel in. Only to realise whilst putting the pump back it was unleaded not diesel. Expensively annoying .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Diver300 on April 27, 2017, 12:35:14 pm
Unleaded in a diesel car. Enough said!
How much?
Less than 1/4 of a tank, just top up with Diesel and don't be so stupid in future.

BTDTGTTS and got away with it.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on April 27, 2017, 12:37:13 pm
Cost me a fortune when I did that.  Filled up from fairly empty.  I got about half a mile.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CAMRAMan on April 27, 2017, 02:19:51 pm
Including the £26-worth of unleaded I put in, it cost me £210! Hopefully a mistake you make once! Fortunately, no lasting damage to the car appears to have occurred.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on April 27, 2017, 02:36:36 pm
** currently humming Alice's Restaurant.
As am I now.
27 8 by 10 color glossy photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one saying what each one was.

Me too!
Ah, but do you know ALL the words?

Does ANYONE know ALL the words?
Yes.  Simon Harraghy, Lighting Designer par excellence, and general all-round Good Egg.

Though I haven't seen him in a while, so he may have forgotten it a bit :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Redlight on April 27, 2017, 02:38:35 pm
Unleaded in a diesel car. Enough said!

Did that about 10 years ago when we were on our way to a wedding in our brand new (first ever) diesel car.  Let's just say there were two empty seats at the table and a very grovelling letter sent to our friends (who have since divorced, which is what nearly happened to us that day).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on April 27, 2017, 02:40:59 pm
Unleaded in a diesel car. Enough said!
Ouch!

I've never quite done that (though I have been close)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on April 27, 2017, 06:57:58 pm
Came close once when I got a C1 as a courtesy car. Everything has been diesel for the last 15 years . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Eccentrica Gallumbits on April 28, 2017, 12:01:44 pm
Spent entire meeting wondering about reason for horrible medicinal smell in room. Eventually remembered had put savlon on crack in nostril.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on April 28, 2017, 12:20:07 pm
Spent entire meeting wondering about reason for horrible medicinal smell in room. Eventually remembered had put savlon on crack in nostril.
Agree that that's fairly div-like, but you're wrong about Savlon - the smell's amazing!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on April 28, 2017, 01:18:39 pm
I quite like medicinal smells.  I blame childhood memories of my parents on the rare occasions they didn't stink of smoking.   :sick:

Full divvishness cannot be achieved with tube-based substances unless you apply the wrong one...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: orienteer on April 28, 2017, 04:53:53 pm
Yes, don't keep the Vick and Vaseline jars together..... :o
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on April 28, 2017, 07:35:24 pm
That could make for a stimulating evening.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on April 28, 2017, 09:14:10 pm
Did you hear the one about the builder who got his putty and his toothpaste mixed up?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on April 30, 2017, 09:30:07 am
Did you hear the one about the builder who got his putty and his toothpaste mixed up?
Nobody heard a word from him again?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on April 30, 2017, 10:39:39 am
All his windows fell out.

But his false teeth were OK

IGMC
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: De Sisti on April 30, 2017, 11:31:47 am
Took out some clean pyjamas yesterday evening to wear for the night; had a momentary thought about the three
lots of washing I did earlier in the day. Went downstairs (for whatever reason I can't remember) and put the pyjamas into the washing machine. It was only upon waking this morning that I thought; "I'm sure I put these (the set I was wearing)  PJs in the washing machine yesterday evening".
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on May 03, 2017, 01:41:02 pm
Ordered a plumbing adaptor - 15mm male plain-gauge tube - 1/2" male threaded. What I needed was 15mm male plain-gauge tube - 1/2"(12mm) male threaded.

Completely ignored the photograph that showed the threaded part being wider than the plain gauge bit. So of course it turned out to be 1/2" BSP (no, it wasn't shown as such on the website).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on May 03, 2017, 02:46:24 pm
I came out of Tesco and spent a while looking for my car, before remembering that I'd gone in my wife's car...  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on May 03, 2017, 03:21:08 pm
I did similar in Biggleswade years ago, when Asda first opened. I went to see what it was like, came out with a bag of shopping and started hunting through my pockets and wallet for my return bus ticket, only for it to fianally dawn on me that I was standing by my bike ::-) :facepalm:

One reason was not wearing cycling-speffic clothes when doing errands by bike. The other is, of course, that I'm a feckin' div :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on May 03, 2017, 03:38:45 pm
My dearly departed Grandad took neighbours to Gatport Airwick a many of moons ag. 2 1/2 hour round trip for him. 5 hours later the family put the alarm out as he hadn't returned. He was found wandering the car park having lost it somewher in the concrete maze........
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PeteB99 on May 03, 2017, 04:01:19 pm
Many moons ago when I was about 10 yrs old my habit was to spend Saturday morning at the local swimming baths. One day I cycled down, had a couple of hours swimming with some friends and then followed them to the bus stop and got the bus home  ???

It was only when my brother asked where my bike was that I realised.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 03, 2017, 04:33:25 pm
That reminds me, the Country Girl sign has been removed by some men in hi-vis with a flatbed lorry.  Commissioned by Basil to deliver it to Waleslandshire?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 03, 2017, 06:42:06 pm
My wife remains convinced that the hire car she left at Brum airport many moons ago changed colour while she was in Italy.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 03, 2017, 06:50:14 pm
My wife remains convinced that the hire car she left at Brum airport many moons ago changed colour while she was in Italy.

Normal for Birmingham. (http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/abandoned-mercedes-racks-up-14235-8115596)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 03, 2017, 06:52:39 pm
I've just sent a text message meant for one friend to another friend.  Luckily it was nothing rude !  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on May 04, 2017, 11:18:56 am
That reminds me, the Country Girl sign has been removed by some men in hi-vis with a flatbed lorry.  Commissioned by Basil to deliver it to Waleslandshire?
The Country Girl rusticated at last?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on May 04, 2017, 02:16:48 pm
Many moons ago when I was about 10 yrs old my habit was to spend Saturday morning at the local swimming baths. One day I cycled down, had a couple of hours swimming with some friends and then followed them to the bus stop and got the bus home  ???

It was only when my brother asked where my bike was that I realised.
;D

My prep school headmaster once did the 'driving into town and walking back home' thing, but followed it up the following morning with the panicked 'OMG Anne, our car's been stolen!' and phone call to the friendly constabulary.

Roger was lovely but he was a completely sieve-brained div.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on May 04, 2017, 02:35:31 pm
Unleaded in a diesel car. Enough said!
Ouch!

I've never quite done that (though I have been close)

Do you know, I have yet to put protons into my electric car!  O:-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on May 04, 2017, 02:38:02 pm
But have you ever mixed up your AC with your DC? :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on May 04, 2017, 02:39:03 pm
Unleaded in a diesel car. Enough said!
Ouch!

I've never quite done that (though I have been close)

Do you know, I have yet to put protons into my electric car!  O:-)
Have you ever put the electrons in the wrong way up?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on May 04, 2017, 02:45:20 pm
Unleaded in a diesel car. Enough said!
Ouch!

I've never quite done that (though I have been close)

Do you know, I have yet to put protons into my electric car!  O:-)
Well, that would reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, so maybe you need to top up on neutrons.  There's be no additional charge.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 04, 2017, 03:24:59 pm
Unleaded in a diesel car. Enough said!
Ouch!

I've never quite done that (though I have been close)

Do you know, I have yet to put protons into my electric car!  O:-)
Well, that would reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, so maybe you need to top up on neutrons.  There's be no additional charge.

I don't think you can do that without a special screwdriver, thobut.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 04, 2017, 03:28:47 pm
If you take your petrol or diesel car to the southern hemisphere, remember that the fuel will flow out of the tank the other way. This can cause problems crossing the equator.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 04, 2017, 05:40:46 pm
which direction does it go AT the equator?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 04, 2017, 06:22:52 pm
It doesn't.  You have to cross the equator on momentum and the fuel that's already in the manifold.  This can lead to embarrassment if done at an oblique angle.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 04, 2017, 07:25:26 pm
This is why it's so much harder to go south to north; you've got to overcome gravity as well.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 04, 2017, 09:45:07 pm
That explains why the flight up to Aberdeen is five minutes longer than on the way back
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on May 04, 2017, 09:48:37 pm
I posted a link to an article about portable vocal booths to a message group for an open gardens weekend where I had intended it to go to Boy Wunja.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 06, 2017, 02:27:23 pm
Got a letter from the Kent Police Driver Diversion Team this morning. I had my picture taken the other night while doing 38 in a 30 zone. It's a fair cop.

I'm annoyed with myself because I'm normally very good at abiding by the speed limit - no, seriously. I believe in speed limits and respect them.

All I can offer in my defence is that it was 1.15am on an empty dual carriageway. I'd been out to pick up my son and his mate from Canterbury West station but they had dozed off on the train and missed their stop so I'd had to drive on to Ramsgate to rescue them. I was tired and annoyed and let that cloud my better judgment.

FFS.

Oh well, I get to go on a speed awareness course, which should be fun.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on May 08, 2017, 11:37:18 am
Hope you help in the education of your fellow muppets! ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 08, 2017, 01:42:28 pm
Hope you help in the education of your fellow muppets! ;D

I'm seriously considering taking the points and fine rather than put myself through what I expect to be an ordeal.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on May 08, 2017, 02:01:00 pm
Hope you help in the education of your fellow muppets! ;D

I'm seriously considering taking the points and fine rather than put myself through what I expect to be an ordeal.
MrsC attended said course, due to circumstances nearly identical to yours.
It wasn't that much of an ideal and the police running it kept things relatively light hearted. I suspect for "speed fines are just a tax on honest motorists" brigade it wasn't so lighthearted.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on May 08, 2017, 02:32:31 pm
I found mine rather interesting, and learned a lot.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 08, 2017, 02:35:41 pm
I suspect for "speed fines are just a tax on honest motorists" brigade it wasn't so lighthearted.

Being stuck in a room with such people is what I dread most. My opinion is perhaps somewhat clouded by having done jury service a few years ago - I'm imagining a similarly dispiriting kind of experience to that. But maybe I'm wrong...

We'll see!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Quisling on May 08, 2017, 02:54:16 pm
Given that fines have just gone up you might consider the naughty driver course good value.  Instead of a fixed penalty you can now potentially face a fine of 50% of your (gross) weekly salary for a Band C offence
https://www.saga.co.uk/magazine/motoring/cars/using/the-uks-new-speeding-fines-explained.
I'm not sure how they'll deduce your weekly salary.  Will you be asked for your last P60 or current contract of employment, last payslip?  That will work in favour of company directors who pay themselves £11500 a year tax free salary and then pay the rest in dividends.  Even so, that's still potentially a £110 fine for a Band C offence.

Relevant weekly income is defined here https://www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/explanatory-material/item/fines-and-financial-orders/approach-to-the-assessment-of-fines-2/3-definition-of-relevant-weekly-income/
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 08, 2017, 05:38:04 pm
Given that fines have just gone up you might consider the naughty driver course good value.  Instead of a fixed penalty you can now potentially face a fine of 50% of your (gross) weekly salary for a Band C offence
https://www.saga.co.uk/magazine/motoring/cars/using/the-uks-new-speeding-fines-explained.

Interesting, I wasn't aware of that. Thanks for the info.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CAMRAMan on May 11, 2017, 07:13:22 pm
Including the £26-worth of unleaded I put in, it cost me £210! Hopefully a mistake you make once! Fortunately, no lasting damage to the car appears to have occurred.
I have just replaced the fuel cap on my car. The old one was labelled 'Unleaded', which is why I was such a div. It now says 'Diesel'. Quite why the car had the wrong cap is a mystery only the former owner could answer.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mcshroom on May 13, 2017, 10:31:01 pm
Top Tip: When you do some work on your bike that includes unscrewing the nuts and removing the front wheel, make sure you tighten the nuts back up properly with your spanner before riding the bike down to the shops.

That made for a very tentative ride home when I discovered what the wobble was :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on May 14, 2017, 09:11:28 am
Ah, so its your fault that all bikes have been ruined by the addition of lawyers lips.  ;)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on May 14, 2017, 11:03:35 am
Not actually me being a div, but I loved this story so much when I heard it last night, I thought I'd share it.

My local pub landlord grew up on a farm and, as a young man, would make extra pocket money by working evenings in a pub and by offering farm sitting services.
One day he was booked to cover the early morning milking on a farm a few miles away, and it was arranged that, as was normal because the farmer would be away, he would sleep in the house the night before.

He mentioned this to his boss in the pub, told him he needed to get away early that evening as he had to get up very early.  His concern was that he'd forgotten to bring a torch with him.  His boss told him not to worry as he could sort that out for him.  He then reappeared from the pub cellar with a candle on a saucer.

Undeterred, my friend set off late at night from the pub and cycled some miles to the farm.  When he got there however, he could not find the keys in the out-house as arranged.  He spent a long time searching other likely buildings with his candle, but to no avail.

By now it was well after midnight and he was desperate to get his head down for the few short hours before milking and eventually managed to force a small downstairs window.  He crept up the stairs with the remains of his candle, only for a door at the top to be flung open by a shotgun wielding farmer.

He was a day too early.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on May 14, 2017, 11:38:53 pm
I have suffered an astronomy injury :-[

After dismounting the scope I thought I would unlock the mount so that the counterweights didn't stress the mechanism. Scope in one hand, I reached back to turn one of the locking levers, completely filling to appreciate the effect horizontal counterweights would have on the mount once free- until the rotating mount topped my fingertip. The weight of 9kg of iron trapping a fingertip between two corners makes one bruise and swear and dance around a bit.........
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on May 15, 2017, 01:30:14 am
I have suffered an astronomy injury :-[

After dismounting the scope I thought I would unlock the mount so that the counterweights didn't stress the mechanism. Scope in one hand, I reached back to turn one of the locking levers, completely filling to appreciate the effect horizontal counterweights would have on the mount once free- until the rotating mount topped my fingertip. The weight of 9kg of iron trapping a fingertip between two corners makes one bruise and swear and dance around a bit.........

You are not alone...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on May 15, 2017, 09:41:03 am
Quote from: Gerard Hofnung
...and I met the barrel of bricks on its way down..
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on May 15, 2017, 09:42:45 am
I have, remarkably enough, a cycling related injury.

As we were putting the Dawes tandem away after fettling, we knocked over the Rennkompressor, and the handle struck my little toe.

Still hurts enough this morning to put me off riding in :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on May 15, 2017, 09:48:50 am
Firstly I re-installed and tightened the bottom bracket before I realised that I'd forgotten a spacer, then when I reattached the crank spindle to the I put it so the cranks were about 150o from each other
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 15, 2017, 02:21:50 pm
when I reattached the crank spindle to the I put it so the cranks were about 150o from each other

Chapeau. I've done that with square taper cranks before. Didn't think it was even possible with more modern types - don't they have splines and stuff to prevent such silliness?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on May 15, 2017, 02:27:30 pm
when I reattached the crank spindle to the I put it so the cranks were about 150o from each other

Chapeau. I've done that with square taper cranks before. Didn't think it was even possible with more modern types - don't they have splines and stuff to prevent such silliness?


It's a Surly crank. The non-drive side has one wider spline so that it can only be put on the right. That, of course, assumes that you have fitted the axle into the spider correctly. The drive end is also splined but allows about 16 possible orientations as the splines are identical...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on May 16, 2017, 12:20:09 pm
when I reattached the crank spindle to the I put it so the cranks were about 150o from each other

Chapeau. I've done that with square taper cranks before.

If you managed that with a square taper crank something was quite spectacularly wrong. With a square taper I thought that the only options were: completely right (180o), completely wrong (0o), and bang in between the two (90o).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on May 16, 2017, 04:11:13 pm
when I reattached the crank spindle to the I put it so the cranks were about 150o from each other

Chapeau. I've done that with square taper cranks before.

If you managed that with a square taper crank something was quite spectacularly wrong. With a square taper I thought that the only options were: completely right (180o), completely wrong (0o), and bang in between the two (90o).

I've almost done it. Bought (or nearly bought) a replacement LH crank.  The replacement had a square hole, the sides of which were parallel with the sides of the crank. The original had a square hole, the sides of which were at 45 degrees to the sides of the crank IYSWIM.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 16, 2017, 09:21:48 pm
I got chased by a goose today, while out running.  I failed to notice it's chicks until the bloody thing was flapping at my face and hissing like a cobra.  "fuck off goose" seemed to do the trick
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 16, 2017, 10:02:11 pm
when I reattached the crank spindle to the I put it so the cranks were about 150o from each other

Chapeau. I've done that with square taper cranks before.

If you managed that with a square taper crank something was quite spectacularly wrong. With a square taper I thought that the only options were: completely right (180o), completely wrong (0o), and bang in between the two (90o).

Ha! I was thinking general principles rather than specific angles.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on May 18, 2017, 10:21:05 am
when I reattached the crank spindle to the I put it so the cranks were about 150o from each other

Chapeau. I've done that with square taper cranks before.

If you managed that with a square taper crank something was quite spectacularly wrong. With a square taper I thought that the only options were: completely right (180o), completely wrong (0o), and bang in between the two (90o).

I've almost done it. Bought (or nearly bought) a replacement LH crank.  The replacement had a square hole, the sides of which were parallel with the sides of the crank. The original had a square hole, the sides of which were at 45 degrees to the sides of the crank IYSWIM.

I hadn't realised that the crank holes could be orientated differently. So that would give you 45o, 135o, 225o and 315o?

(Someone will check my working).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 20, 2017, 11:27:14 am
Adapted an old herb rack to take my collection of planes, adding a bar to the top back so that it would hook onto the edge of the sheet of chipboard on the workshop wall.  As I was putting in the screws to tie it back I realized that I hadn't left enough room to drop out the fluorescent tube above next time it fails. ???

Then realized that I could still drop it out at the far end and pull it out of the fitting. Not so dumb after all..?

Looking at it with the planes in, though, I decided it'll be more comfortable to use if I drop it 10-15 cm anyway. But then, the bar on the back will be in the wrong place, and it's glued & screwed. ??? twice.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 20, 2017, 12:41:24 pm
Fixed.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on May 22, 2017, 09:57:51 am
When I got back from the boat mooring yesterday (4 hours of lying on a metal grating pontoon angle-grinding, welding, painting and other assorting thingings), I didn't lock the car.

I also left the key in the car door.

Fortunately it was still there this morning.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on May 22, 2017, 10:54:55 am
redux

Repeat after me:
"I must not weld in a T shirt"

Guess who has a sunburnt arm?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on May 22, 2017, 04:55:58 pm
redux

Repeat after me:
"I must not weld in a T shirt"

Guess who has a sunburnt arm?

Similarly,  "I really ought to remember to put on  sleeved top rather than a polo shirt when starting up an twin glow engined rc model aeroplane on my test stand (so the aeroplane is at waist height)".

Think what it would have been like if you'd got a bit too close after the engine started rather than just spinning on the starter.  Only needed a plaster on the soft inner arm this time. Don't you remember that you've done this before?  Getting older sucks......
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 22, 2017, 04:58:37 pm
Guess who has a sunburnt arm?

Me. Which is what you get if you spend all weekend out on your bike but don't remember to apply suncream often enough.

There's also a nice angry red patch on my thigh, because sometimes it doesn't occur to me to apply the cream all the way up to the hem of my shorts.
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: fboab on May 22, 2017, 07:22:52 pm
I've got a black eye where the toilet lid fell on my face when I was cleaning the toilet.
That's pretty fecking divvy, but the true divvidom was not having a good convincing lie ready when my oppo asked how I did it and having to tell the truth.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on May 22, 2017, 07:24:07 pm
^ classic!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 22, 2017, 07:58:44 pm
I've got a black toe.  Regular readers will know that I haven't done anything remotely energetic for over a week now, so I'm at a bit of a loss to explain it.  Current theory is that either it happened a couple of days ago when I tripped over a fan heater, or (more likely) when a tin of soup fell out of the cupboard on Saturday, and in classic div style I dodged to protect my injured arm, and squarely headbutted it.  This resulted in much pain and foul language (barakta was very sensibly in Penge at the time), and a toe ricochet may have gone unnoticed.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on May 22, 2017, 07:59:57 pm
I've got a black eye where the toilet lid fell on my face when I was cleaning the toilet.
That's pretty fecking divvy, but the true divvidom was not having a good convincing lie ready when my oppo asked how I did it and having to tell the truth.

fboab wins the internets.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on May 22, 2017, 08:17:13 pm
I managed to loose my car in a multi-storey carp ark in the US recently.

I parked it, and noted the level I was on, and made my way to the lifts noting how I got to the lifts so I could reverse the route.
Only I couldn't.
The car park seemed to have changed it's geometry like Hogwarts in the course of 2 hours.
I went to where I thought it was, and pressed the button on the key fob.  Nothing.
I walked around a bit, and close to the open edge of the building I heard a distant 'peep!'.
It was either one level up, or down.  I couldn't tell which.
So I walked round the ramps one level up, and one level down.
Nothing.  No 'peeps'.
Back to the middle level. 'Peep!'.
I couldn't determine where the peep was coming from.

Then I noticed a small opening in the concrete wall on the side of one of the ramps.
This led to another ramp going in the opposite direction ( indeed, another entire system of ramps! )
The car was on a hidden intermediate level, between the levels I was searching.

Turns out the car park is 2 separate interleaved systems, coiled together like strands of DNA!
And I was in the wrong 'strand'.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 22, 2017, 08:48:16 pm
I started slicing an apple into discs tday, ready to slather with PB as a v tasty dessert.

I started by slicing the very bottom off, then picked it up with the same hand as holding the knife (too small for PB smearing) and put it in my mouth.  Thats when I noticed the blade of our sharpest knife, pointing at and now resting on the end of my nose.

Luckily not too hard and no excessive bloodshedding ocurred, but I have a distinct nick in the end of my nose.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jasmine on May 22, 2017, 10:00:57 pm
I bought a different brand of muesli last week.  Quite early on, I decided I wasn't going to buy it again because it tastes too coconutty for me.  It ran out at the end of the week and I only had crunchy nut cornflakes left.  They tasted like coconut as well.  Then I looked at the milk - I'd bought coconut milk.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on May 22, 2017, 10:35:38 pm
LOL!  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Salvatore on May 31, 2017, 11:26:58 am
Number suits owned by me. 5
Number of suits in car when I arrived at hotel in Staffordshire tonight for niece's wedding tomorrow.  0

 :facepalm:

I've taken note of this cautionary tale and posted my suit to Wales for my niece's wedding this weekend.

If it doesn't arrive in time I'll be nipping round to Basil's to see if I can borrow one of his.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on May 31, 2017, 11:46:24 am
Number suits owned by me. 5
Number of suits in car when I arrived at hotel in Staffordshire tonight for niece's wedding tomorrow.  0

 :facepalm:

I've taken note of this cautionary tale and posted my suit to Wales for my niece's wedding this weekend.
Blimey.  That's a risky strategy, isn't it?   :o

Quote
If it doesn't arrive in time I'll be nipping round to Basil's to see if I can borrow one of his.
;D  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on May 31, 2017, 03:52:34 pm
So, I opt to mow the lawn as it's been looking a little wild (and lawn mowing falls under my wife's definition of 'boy stuff' too). Lug the mower and everything out front and issue the prescribed haircut. Fine.

Now, my driveway runs under the house and it's fronted by garage doors (it looks like a garage, but the real garage is at the bottom of the garden, though we park under the house to make room for my awesome collection of bicycles and old Ikea furniture in the actual garage). Anyway doors that are firmly locked because some idiot closed them.

Which would have been fine had my keys not been in the kitchen door at the rear of the house. The side gate is locked to keep out murderers and vagabonds. The front doors are locked. There's no other way into the back garden.

Sheesh. I had to clamber over the side gate in what, at my age, is a feat of advanced athleticism.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on May 31, 2017, 05:11:21 pm
I sent myself a Private Message on yacf...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 31, 2017, 05:12:11 pm
The correct option, surely, would have been to go to the pub until your wife got home. And if you had to take the lawn mower to the pub with you, well, that means you weren't drinking alone, doesn't it?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on June 01, 2017, 09:11:23 am
I've got a black eye where the toilet lid fell on my face when I was cleaning the toilet.
That's pretty fecking divvy, but the true divvidom was not having a good convincing lie ready when my oppo asked how I did it and having to tell the truth.

Better than explaining that you wanted to put some eau de toilette behind your ears.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on June 01, 2017, 09:47:26 am
Number suits owned by me. 5
Number of suits in car when I arrived at hotel in Staffordshire tonight for niece's wedding tomorrow.  0

 :facepalm:

I've taken note of this cautionary tale and posted my suit to Wales for my niece's wedding this weekend.

If it doesn't arrive in time I'll be nipping round to Basil's to see if I can borrow one of his.

Couldn't you just put a suit in your vehicle well in advance?

Or do something like putting a penknife in your shoe (my equivalent of tying knots in handkerchiefs)?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on June 01, 2017, 11:34:09 am
I've had stuff packed in a car "in advance" - unpacked by someone else before we left. Cos I was certain *I* had packed it, I didn't realise my stuff had been UNpacked till I needed it.  On that occasion it included my spare hearing aid when I broke my main one...  I was not very happy but somehow it was my fault for not checking that my Dad hadn't "unpacked" stuff mysteriously. 

I carried hearing aids in my "hand luggage" equivalent from then on and had to obsessively ask my dad "have you unpacked my stuff again" cos he has weird reasons for not putting everything he finds BACK.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on June 01, 2017, 01:22:16 pm
And this is how teenage barakta ended up knitting her own serial cable with clothes pegs...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on June 01, 2017, 02:09:46 pm
Yes, that was the second incident of Dad unpacking my stuff! >:(  He's lovely really but MADDENING!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Salvatore on June 01, 2017, 08:16:00 pm
Number suits owned by me. 5
Number of suits in car when I arrived at hotel in Staffordshire tonight for niece's wedding tomorrow.  0

 :facepalm:

I've taken note of this cautionary tale and posted my suit to Wales for my niece's wedding this weekend.

If it doesn't arrive in time I'll be nipping round to Basil's to see if I can borrow one of his.

Couldn't you just put a suit in your vehicle well in advance?
In my bicycle?

Quote

Or do something like putting a penknife in your shoe (my equivalent of tying knots in handkerchiefs)?

It would probably fall through the gaps between the straps of my SPD sandals.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on June 01, 2017, 08:19:52 pm
 ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on June 01, 2017, 10:43:07 pm
I'm a slob as well as a div.    Reaching into the pile of unwashed cutlery in the sink for a paring knife I snagged a finger on the edge of my 12" Mora chefs knife  :facepalm:


Just a nick, thankfully..
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ashaman42 on June 01, 2017, 10:56:46 pm
I only put 'normal' cutlery in the washing up bowl. Sharp knives stay on the side where they aren't hidden by bubbles.

Alas my better half does not always follow the same policy - this has led to more than a couple swears over the years  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on June 01, 2017, 11:03:54 pm
I only put 'normal' cutlery in the washing up bowl. Sharp knives stay on the side where they aren't hidden by bubbles.

Alas my better half does not always follow the same policy - this has led to more than a couple swears over the years  :facepalm:

SNAP!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on June 02, 2017, 12:54:40 pm
I cut the ends off the (excessively long) bolts that attach the bike rack to the roof bars. I thought that the time it took to do so would be repaid in time saved when fitting/removing the racks. You know: by not having to screw the nut down over the unnecessary 10-15mm of bolt and back. Also, it was a satisfying thing to do.

Several years and a car or so later, the roof bars have been replaced by 'aero' bars. I discovered on the morning of our camping trip that the new bars are a deal deeper than the old ones, and the sawn-off brackets are now too short.

I spent about an hour looking for suitable replacements in my various "that'll come in handy one day" stashes before accepting that I didn't have adequate replacements. One trip to screwfix (and another 40 mins or so) later I have some bolts that will just about do, but not for all of the fitting points. So I finish the job off (suboptimally, but sufficiently) with toe clip (and other kinds of) straps - adding another 20 mins or so.

So:

Time saved over the years by 'trimming' the original bolts = (at very best) 60 mins.

Time spent trimming the original bolts = 12 mins

Time lost attempting to replace them = 120 mins.

Result? Misery.

And it's not over yet. I wasn't happy doing more than 50 mph with the frankenfixing, so I'll still have to find a better bracket solution.

 :facepalm:

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on June 02, 2017, 01:33:20 pm
Number suits owned by me. 5
Number of suits in car when I arrived at hotel in Staffordshire tonight for niece's wedding tomorrow.  0

 :facepalm:

I've taken note of this cautionary tale and posted my suit to Wales for my niece's wedding this weekend.

If it doesn't arrive in time I'll be nipping round to Basil's to see if I can borrow one of his.

Couldn't you just put a suit in your vehicle well in advance?
In my bicycle?

Quote

Or do something like putting a penknife in your shoe (my equivalent of tying knots in handkerchiefs)?

It would probably fall through the gaps between the straps of my SPD sandals.
;D

Load into pannier bag in advance? [sigh]
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on June 03, 2017, 05:20:01 pm
Much time and effort expended this afternoon hunting high and, indeed, low for a couple of ring binders containing paperwork related to Lt. Col. Larrington (retd.)'s financial affairs, but they appeared to be gorn, disparu like Mother's mink. "They'll turn up" we said, more in hope than expectation.

They did, about half an hour later, being exactly where I put them six months ago to raise the level of the monitor to a point where it wasn't half-hidden behind the opened lid of the laptop.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on June 05, 2017, 11:39:59 am
Most perplexed by absence of any driveway lights when I glanced outside on Saturday evening, I ventured out to the control timer and spent a while faffing with the settings. Why aren't they on? It took five minutes to realise that I was standing out there at just passed midnight and they're programmed to turn off at 11.55pm...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Nuncio on June 07, 2017, 03:28:29 pm
Number suits owned by me. 5
Number of suits in car when I arrived at hotel in Staffordshire tonight for niece's wedding tomorrow.  0

 :facepalm:

I've taken note of this cautionary tale and posted my suit to Wales for my niece's wedding this weekend.
Blimey.  That's a risky strategy, isn't it?   :o

Quote
If it doesn't arrive in time I'll be nipping round to Basil's to see if I can borrow one of his.
;D  :thumbsup:

Suit arrived in time, though not without some drama. It was waiting at the post office from Thursday but I didn't know till Friday afternoon (the card wasn't in an obvious place). Then when I went to pick it up they brought a Wiggle box out from the back.  Given that it I'd ordered some parts from Wiggle my heart sank, but lifted again when I saw that it was addressed to Salvatore. He'd managed to include shoes, and rolled up jacket and trousers, but couldn't find the space for a bag of Haribo.

My div moment was to forget my wallet when getting intot the wedding car with soon-to-be-given-away daughter.  The free bar (free except for me) was dependent on it. But fortunately the route between chapel and venue was past my house so I was able to ask the driver to pull in for a minute while I retrieved it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on June 10, 2017, 02:02:07 pm
Just about to rout my truss-rod channel, I took a dummy pass with the router and found that it seemed to wander. Checking dimensions, I found that one end of my centre line was 2mm closer to the edge of the wood than the other. And the whole thing was marked up with 2H pencil and HB-filled scriber lines that'll be practically impossible to erase.

Bugger.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ashaman42 on June 11, 2017, 07:26:10 pm
It's me, I'm the div.

I'm well behind on my engineering project that's the final module I need for my engineering degree to the point where my tutor thinks I should strongly consider deferring the module to next year. Trying to do three modules at once was always going to be tough but I should have made more time or studied better.

Which is fine but the version of the degree I'm on isn't offered beyond this year so I'd have to transfer to the new one and not all my completed modules will carry over so I'll have to do a bunch more at triple the price (I'm on transitional pricing at the moment).

So with a lot to do and not much time I've wasted the whole day going round in circles rather than getting as much done as possible to ensure I've got at least a chance of completing the module this time around.

I feel sick.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on June 12, 2017, 10:31:44 pm
Standing in my kitchen wearing a lightweight dressing gown in a natty blue stripe.  I realise I haven't tidied away all the shopping.   Go to put the large pot of Yeo Valley yoghourt in the fridge & drop it.


The foil top ruptures & I get a directional spray of cool white organic yoghourt right up under my dressing gown  :jurek: Quite refreshing really.......
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on June 15, 2017, 09:00:14 am
Walked out of work yesterday and O NOES! Front tyre was flat at the bottom. Having been a Cub Scout Guy knows all about Being Prepared. I'll just replace the tube with the new one I keep in my pannier. I'd got the spare tube all right...

Question: Why on earth would I want to lug tyre levers and pump around with me? :facepalm:

Ho-hum. Walked home yesterday, and walked in today with said non-essential items. ::-)

Bike all fixed now :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on June 15, 2017, 07:22:39 pm
Question: Why on earth would I want to lug tyre levers and pump around with me? :facepalm:
Better than lugging around a non-functional pump and trying to use it to inflate a newly patched tube by the roadside 15 miles into a 30 mile commute at double oh stupid o'clock.  DAHIKT.  See thread title for clue.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on June 16, 2017, 07:56:53 pm
Standing in my kitchen wearing a lightweight dressing gown in a natty blue stripe.  I realise I haven't tidied away all the shopping.   Go to put the large pot of Yeo Valley yoghourt in the fridge & drop it.


The foil top ruptures & I get a directional spray of cool white organic yoghourt right up under my dressing gown  :jurek: Quite refreshing really.......

One way of sorting out that irritating medical condition............
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Oaky on June 17, 2017, 12:58:41 am
Playing 4 v 4 touch rugby earlier (I'm not a player) I suddenly found myself on the wing with space to run.   I made it all the way,  then stopped essentially dead to ground the ball,  and badly jarred both my ankles.

The left is probably going to be OK, but the right is still smarting, and currently wrapped in a bag of ice cubes and an old tee shirt.

Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Oscar's dad on June 17, 2017, 05:16:39 am
Playing 4 v 4 touch rugby earlier (I'm not a player) I suddenly found myself on the wing with space to run.   I made it all the way,  then stopped essentially dead to ground the ball,  and badly jarred both my ankles.

The left is probably going to be OK, but the right is still smarting, and currently wrapped in a bag of ice cubes and an old tee shirt.

Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk

Should I pop round over the course of the weekend with my Healing Hands?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: tippers_kiwi on June 17, 2017, 10:52:01 am
Some of us simply are not built to play 'touch' rugby. I learnt this some time ago!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on June 19, 2017, 04:46:10 pm
Oh well, I get to go on a speed awareness course, which should be fun.

Did the course today. It was really interesting - I definitely learned a few things. Pretty much a wholly positive experience.

As many others who have done the course have said, I came away from it thinking it should be mandatory for all drivers, not just those who are caught speeding.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on June 20, 2017, 03:34:58 pm
Definitely!

Glad it was a good use of your time.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on June 21, 2017, 03:02:04 pm
Not sure where the QR skewer is for my spare rear wheel. Never mind, I'll just borrow the one from my spare front wheel...  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: iddu on June 25, 2017, 09:44:13 pm
Yes, you may have been a fan of Tullio's stuff for decades...

...but when you rebuild your wheelset on Shimano hubs, don't go putting a Campagnolo cassette on the order.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on June 26, 2017, 04:23:49 pm
Had to do a Video Conference from home.

So I fish out the USB webcam, and clip it to the top of the monitor.
The USB cable trails down the front of the PC onto the floor.
I pick it up and plug it into a USB 'ole on the front of the PC.

Nothing. No bing-bong, no blinkenlights.
Hmm. Try the other USB 'ole. Nothing.

Has Windows stopped seeing USB things?
No, memory stick is fine.
Re-boot just in case.
Nothing.  Hmm, looks like the camera is kaput.
I go to put it away, and as I'm pulling up the cable, I notice...

I've not been plugging the webcam in and out.
I've been plugging the end of another random USB cable that was lying on the floor near the webcam's USB cable!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on June 26, 2017, 04:26:13 pm
 ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Oscar's dad on June 26, 2017, 05:16:07 pm
Had to do a Video Conference from home.

So I fish out the USB webcam, and clip it to the top of the monitor.
The USB cable trails down the front of the PC onto the floor.
I pick it up and plug it into a USB 'ole on the front of the PC.

Nothing. No bing-bong, no blinkenlights.
Hmm. Try the other USB 'ole. Nothing.

Has Windows stopped seeing USB things?
No, memory stick is fine.
Re-boot just in case.
Nothing.  Hmm, looks like the camera is kaput.
I go to put it away, and as I'm pulling up the cable, I notice...

I've not been plugging the webcam in and out.
I've been plugging the end of another random USB cable that was lying on the floor near the webcam's USB cable!

I have done a similar thing.  You might not know this, and if you don't you can have this tip for nothing (no need to thank me  ;D ) but USB headsets only work when you plug them into your laptop.  There's no point doing the whole "Hello, can you hear me?  Oh FFS, this headset is useless, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" thing if you haven't plugged it in. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on June 26, 2017, 05:38:31 pm
Had to do a Video Conference from home.

So I fish out the USB webcam, and clip it to the top of the monitor.
The USB cable trails down the front of the PC onto the floor.
I pick it up and plug it into a USB 'ole on the front of the PC.

Nothing. No bing-bong, no blinkenlights.
Hmm. Try the other USB 'ole. Nothing.

Has Windows stopped seeing USB things?
No, memory stick is fine.
Re-boot just in case.
Nothing.  Hmm, looks like the camera is kaput.
I go to put it away, and as I'm pulling up the cable, I notice...

I've not been plugging the webcam in and out.
I've been plugging the end of another random USB cable that was lying on the floor near the webcam's USB cable!

I have done a similar thing.  You might not know this, and if you don't you can have this tip for nothing (no need to thank me  ;D ) but USB headsets only work when you plug them into your laptop.  There's no point doing the whole "Hello, can you hear me?  Oh FFS, this headset is useless, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" thing if you haven't plugged it in.

Or, speaking on a call for two minutes before realising you'd started the call on mute.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Oscar's dad on June 26, 2017, 05:40:11 pm
^^^ I've never done that!  ;)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on June 26, 2017, 08:34:45 pm
Had to do a Video Conference from home.

So I fish out the USB webcam, and clip it to the top of the monitor.
The USB cable trails down the front of the PC onto the floor.
I pick it up and plug it into a USB 'ole on the front of the PC.

Nothing. No bing-bong, no blinkenlights.
Hmm. Try the other USB 'ole. Nothing.

Has Windows stopped seeing USB things?
No, memory stick is fine.
Re-boot just in case.
Nothing.  Hmm, looks like the camera is kaput.
I go to put it away, and as I'm pulling up the cable, I notice...

I've not been plugging the webcam in and out.
I've been plugging the end of another random USB cable that was lying on the floor near the webcam's USB cable!

I have done a similar thing.  You might not know this, and if you don't you can have this tip for nothing (no need to thank me  ;D ) but USB headsets only work when you plug them into your laptop.  There's no point doing the whole "Hello, can you hear me?  Oh FFS, this headset is useless, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" thing if you haven't plugged it in.

Or, speaking on a call for two minutes before realising you'd started the call on mute.

That happens on every single call I'm on. Not just to me, but to everyone else. The truth, that no one can admit, is that 80% of the time people are actually updating FB/tweeting about their cat/writing an email [delete as appropriate] while they were on mute and are now forced to wing it since they obvious can't admit they weren't even listening. Yes, I gave a very thorough and considered answer but alas I was on mute so now I'll bumble like Boris.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on June 26, 2017, 08:42:05 pm
Has there *ever* been a VC session that hasn't started with 30 minutes of can-you-hear-me-can-you-see-me?
And that's the internal stuff where we're all using the same system.

Then try to VC with multiple clients in their offices, who have no admin rights on their PCs.
Cue hours of nonsense with browser plug-ins, webex / bluejeans / goto-meeting clients, and finally giving up and saying "I'll just send you a recording".
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on June 26, 2017, 09:40:31 pm
Just the other day, I topped 40 minutes of a one hour call experiencing just that. Dithering, ditzy sales drone, confused clients. I made and ate a fruit salad while they sank into their own vortex of mutual confusion.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CrinklyLion on June 26, 2017, 10:01:59 pm
Has there *ever* been a VC session that hasn't started with 30 minutes of can-you-hear-me-can-you-see-me?

Yes.  My observed lesson whilst on my first teaching practice in Consett, about 12 years ago.  Video-conferencing with a school in Ohio, one in New York, and a nice man called Joe from NASA and it all went like clockwork even with my classroom being filled with two entire classes of Y5 children, about a dozen teachers/tutors (because EVERYONE came to observe), the head, a couple of governors and the caretaker :D 

Sorry, I probably used all the good video-conferencing karma for an entire generation in that one afternoon.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CrinklyLion on June 26, 2017, 10:03:37 pm
Anyway, back to being a complete dodo.

At the weekend I baked a load of cakes, most of which I few to the FNRttC but a few of which I saved.  Yesterday I want to the Rally and completely failed to take the four reserved st clements cakes with me.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on June 26, 2017, 10:47:23 pm
Good thing I had a bit of room in that pannier...   :smug:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on June 30, 2017, 11:54:16 am
Leaning over to look at something I neglected to consider the mug of coffee I had just filled. Which promptly spilled all over my feet. I swear Little Monster Cat, who was observing from a safe distance, just raised her eyebrows as she watched me do.

The I came back to my office and for reasons unknown somehow manage to twist the inky filler barrel thing on my pen while scribbling. Which I only noticed by dint of the fact I now have bright purple fingers. Possibly I should just start the weekend already.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on July 04, 2017, 03:29:10 pm
Made myself a coffee with the Aeropress after lunch, using the inverted method, and forgot to put the filter on before turning it the right way up. Ouch.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on July 07, 2017, 11:09:13 am
Got myself in a bit of trouble with CBH this morning......

My lovely wife has been away on holiday with her "Aged Mum" for the week, so this morning I got up early to clean the house...yes, I hadn't bothered all week but felt it best to do so on the hope that the cats would return and not tell her tales of grime and slime.

To this end, I got the new hoover out and gave the floor a quick going over. I was impressed how quiet and effective the new hoover is, this being the first time I have used it.  I said this to CBH when she called.... only to be told that the new hoover is over 2 years old ....  :facepalm:

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Oscar's dad on July 07, 2017, 12:14:20 pm
Oops!  Funny story though  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: asterix on July 08, 2017, 07:37:24 am
..

To this end, I got the new hoover out and gave the floor a quick going over. I was impressed how quiet and effective the new hoover is, this being the first time I have used it.  I said this to CBH when she called.... only to be told that the new hoover is over 2 years old ....  :facepalm:

 ;D

I'm not allowed to use the hoover.  But when it goes wrong I must fix it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on July 11, 2017, 08:31:21 pm
This evening's plan was simply to complete the upper wing for the current build (port, centre and starboard sections); about 10 to 15 minutes work.  Got to the starboard upper and found that the root rib was *fractionally* off perpendicular to the leading/trailing edge so that wasn't ever going to work.  *Not* best pleased with myself.   

Of course it was the only dud rib alignment out of some 20 plus of them wasn't it? 

Cue 15 or 20 nerve wracking minutes with the 66TPI scalpel saw and a fine scalpel blade disconnecting the offending rib then a further 10 or so resetting and reglueing it.

Fortunately the fix seems to have worked, but, what with waiting for glue to set and other fettling, that was 2 hours gone rather than the planned quarter of an hour.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on July 12, 2017, 08:27:26 am
This evening's plan was simply to complete the upper wing for the current build (port, centre and starboard sections); about 10 to 15 minutes work.  Got to the starboard upper and found that the root rib was *fractionally* off perpendicular to the leading/trailing edge so that wasn't ever going to work.  *Not* best pleased with myself.   

Of course it was the only dud rib alignment out of some 20 plus of them wasn't it? 

Cue 15 or 20 nerve wracking minutes with the 66TPI scalpel saw and a fine scalpel blade disconnecting the offending rib then a further 10 or so resetting and reglueing it.

Fortunately the fix seems to have worked, but, what with waiting for glue to set and other fettling, that was 2 hours gone rather than the planned quarter of an hour.

Yup.  Been there.........  Usually after glueing up something critical late at night then going to bed.  Only to look at it next morning and....  At least it was rectifiable. I have a 'relaxed' approach to a build programme, in that I don't have one.  It'll be ready when its ready.   (Goes off to spray the witness coat on the underside of the Grumman GA-7 that didn't get done yesterday as once the paint on the top side had dried it started raining, and I don't spray paint indoors.  Then I can see where I need any filler in the glass/epoxy skin).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SteveC on July 12, 2017, 08:34:52 pm
Arrived at work this morning. Shower time. I took the 'old' towel home last night to be washed so will have b.r..o...u....g.....h......t

or not.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on July 13, 2017, 09:10:12 pm
Not me this time, but
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/jul/13/texas-man-atm-bank-of-america-escape (https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/jul/13/texas-man-atm-bank-of-america-escape)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Oscar's dad on July 14, 2017, 06:17:30 am
Not me this time, but
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/jul/13/texas-man-atm-bank-of-america-escape (https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/jul/13/texas-man-atm-bank-of-america-escape)

I think the Texan ATM man has just won this thread!  Quick, get him on yacf, he's just the sort of fecking div we need!  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: asterix on July 14, 2017, 06:56:41 am

Quote
“Apparently he left his cellphone and the swipe card he needed to get out of the room outside in his truck,”

Good job the keys to his truck wouldn't fit through the slot.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Polar Bear on July 14, 2017, 08:38:26 am
Unbelievable that the door could be kicked in. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on July 15, 2017, 08:31:08 am
There are times when, while not morally correct, it is right to tell a “little white lie” to ones partner.

As an example, a few weeks back after explaining that I could not afford  some gig tickets (£100 each!) as we had a vet bill to pay, I was confronted with a confused looking CBH who asked why, given this, I had just brought a new set of wheels. In reply I explained that the wheels were not new but an old set which I had sent away to have new rims, spokes and a hub fitted….much cheaper than new wheels I said.

Then, there was the following conversation on her birthday:

CBH (Very angry looking and a bit shouty). “So, once again you have mixed up my and your ex partners birthday!!!

Me: (thinking very quickly): “No Dear, I was going to try to break it to you gently but the item I ordered was out of stock at Tiffany’s so they are flying it in from New York. It should be here by Friday at the latest.

Quickly followed by…

Posh person at Tiffany’s: “Of course Sir, we can have that item with you tomorrow: we pride ourselves on our service. However Sir, I am unaware of this “free postage and a packet of Haribos” you mention.” (True story).

So, come this morning….CBH asks why I had the window open during the night: something I don’t do that often. Of course the correct answer it:

Me: “It was a bit warm and I thought some fresh air would do me good.”

And not:

Me: “As I hoped the traffic noise would drowned out the sound of your snoring.”

It seems that I am sleeping at a place called: “Goto Hell” tonight. I have checked the map but I can’t seem to find it. Perhaps one of our Audax chums knows where it is?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: asterix on July 15, 2017, 10:59:01 am
I am sure she will calm down.  So long as you don't make the suggestion :hand:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 15, 2017, 11:12:55 am
It's in Norway (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Norway).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on July 20, 2017, 10:31:41 pm
I've made a small amount of noise at work about the sudden loss of our secure cycle parking.   Not noise about the loss of it, shit has to be done, noise about the loss of it at 4 days notice.  Not a lot of noise either, I'm a contractor on 1 weeks notice on a project that has outed a lot of contractors this year.  Still, more than zero noise has been made about having to leave my nice bikes on the street until I can make disposable bike or folding alternative arrangements.

At the weekend I removed the more valuable removables from the bike.  Monday I was off. Yesterday and today I carefully locked my bike to a Sheffield stand using a Gold rated D lock & cable plus a hefty cable lock.  I did not use the the temporary not bolted down Sheffield toast-rack stands.  I walked nervously away.  Today for some 'did I leave the oven on?' type reason I went back and checked I'd not done something stupid with either lock such as catch an adjacent bike or loop the cable lock so as its not actually doing anything.  I had not, I went to work.  I may have moaned to fellow cycling contractors a bit about having to use a sweaty back pack rather than my nice rack pack.  I may have mentioned not using the temporary stands as obviously sooner or later the whole lot will get lifted on a flatbed for the thieves to sort out the locks at their leisure resulting in 16 bikes to gumtree.  Bleedin tea leaves are everywhere, inevitable innit.

On the way down in the lift this evening I reached in my bag for my Garmin. I froze cold.  I checked the other pockets knowing damn well it was not there, it wasn't.  I walked to my bike thinking whale music and other calming thoughts trying not to think about how the hell I'm going to a ) afford and b) find time to sort another garmin before my cycling holiday in 8 days, 4 of which I'll be away on business.  Bike still there - good start.  Garmin still there and still running after 10.5 hours.

Muppet 'tween.  Lucky, lucky muppet  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on July 21, 2017, 09:44:39 am
So, last weekend I ordered some new fencing for the "lower paddock" and as I like doing things like this, I booked today off to fit it.

Anyway, no sign of the fencing at the time and date agreed so I phone the supplier....... I had ordered the delivery for next Friday and not today..... :facepalm:

CBH has just told me I am taking her to the garden centre as a punishment.  :facepalm: :sick: :(


EDIT next day to add... The trip to the garden centre cost me £120!!!!  :o   Yes, more hydrangeas  :-\ >:( :hand:   
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on July 21, 2017, 09:51:23 am
It's in Norway (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Norway).
It's also where Poles, being good Catholics, go for their holidays.  (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hel,_Poland)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on July 21, 2017, 07:45:29 pm
I appear to have mislaid a stem. A new stem. A new Thomson stem.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on July 23, 2017, 05:27:34 pm
I am now a member of the got half way to the airport without passport club.

Not a good week
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on July 23, 2017, 08:23:31 pm
I didn't get back from London till 0900 today.

I let myself in the back gate at 2130 expecting No1 Son to let me in.  He wasn't in.  It dawned on me that ...

I might have locked myself out of the house.

My phone might have run out of charge.

I sat in the rain in the back yard waiting for my son to come home from the pub and turn the lights on.

The lights didn't come on.

Midnight arrived.  The church clock chimes first, then the one in town.

Tried to break in by bashing the window with some garden furniture.  Furniture bounced off the window.

Considered climbing onto the kitchen roof.  Rejected this idea as madness.  My body will not fit through that tiny bedroom window.  Not in one piece anyway.

Walked into town.  Got a taxi to the police station, hoping they'd break in for me.  PC Plod was not at home.  Nor was he answering his emergency phone outside the police station.

Swallowed my pride and went to my friend's house to crash.  My, how she laughed.  I'll never be allowed to forget this one.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on July 23, 2017, 08:30:26 pm
Oops!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on July 23, 2017, 08:41:38 pm
Snork!   :D  And you were already damp & tired from the ride.   Hope you've managed a hot bath & relaxing cup of tea.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on July 23, 2017, 08:42:36 pm
Snork!   :D  And you were already damp & tired from the ride.   Hope you've managed a hot bath & relaxing cup of tea.

Yeah.  Then I went to work for eight hours.  Then walked home in the rain with no coat.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on July 23, 2017, 08:49:14 pm
Snork!   :D  And you were already damp & tired from the ride.   Hope you've managed a hot bath & relaxing cup of tea.

Yeah.  Then I went to work for eight hours.  Then walked home in the rain with no coat.


 :facepalm:   Sending virtual hugs.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on July 23, 2017, 08:58:00 pm
Snork!   :D  And you were already damp & tired from the ride.   Hope you've managed a hot bath & relaxing cup of tea.

Yeah.  Then I went to work for eight hours.  Then walked home in the rain with no coat.


 :facepalm:   Sending virtual hugs.

Nah.  'S fine.  Strangely enough, when I said 'I can't believe I did that' to my colleagues, my friend, and my son, the reply every time was 'I can.'
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on July 23, 2017, 09:00:44 pm
You are the person who turned up to a bunkhouse weekend without a sleeping bag after all...... ;)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on July 23, 2017, 09:04:40 pm
You are the person who turned up to a bunkhouse weekend without a sleeping bag after all...... ;)

Oh!  Yes, I did didn't I  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on July 23, 2017, 09:07:07 pm
Ooh Ruthie, that's verging on type two fun by the sound of it. Hope you're more rested now.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on July 23, 2017, 09:11:45 pm
That sounds like a meander too far to me, Ruthie! Glad your pal was OK with it. Couldn't you charge your phone on the train on the way back? And glad you can see the funny side.

You are not the only person I know who turned up to a weekend without a sleeping bag. One of Jane's pals did this to a Lewisham Cyclists camping weekend once. Fortunately it was a pretty warm weekend and I lent her a blanket. As it happened, there was a 24 hour Tesco next to the camp site and she was able to provide for herself on the second night.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on July 23, 2017, 09:17:53 pm
reminds me of returning from honeymoon in Sicily.

My parents had volunteered to drop off some wedding presents on their way home with only a small detour past us.  Gave them the house keys, pop them throuh the letter box when you're done, we'll take the spares.

Got back to Wife's parents, loaded up both cars and set off.  Arrive home very late, spare keys don't fit the lock. 

Fart around a bit in the dark, give up, move stuff between cars, sleep in my car sharing a bottle of grappa for sustenance.

Wake up in the morning and break into the house with my swiss army knife.

Visit the DIY store that afternoon and reinforce the locks
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on July 24, 2017, 08:00:24 am

Tried to break in by bashing the window with some garden furniture.  Furniture bounced off the window.

This story would only have been improved if you'd been arrested for trying to break into your house.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on July 24, 2017, 08:31:13 am
Having locked myself out a few months ago, I learned how insecure our house was.
If a 68 year old can use a drain pipe to get onto an outhouse then in through a window, anyone can. 
That security issue has now been addressed.

In further div news, when I got up this morning, the dog, although pleased to see me, didn't rush down to the basement for the back door as usual.  I went down anyway, calling her after me.  She didn't seem particularly interested, but dutifully followed.
And, of course, there was the back door standing wide open. (Again)
GN.  We weren't murdered in our sleep. (Again)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on July 24, 2017, 09:01:45 am
I didn't get back from London till 0900 today.
...
Swallowed my pride and went to my friend's house to crash.  My, how she laughed.  I'll never be allowed to forget this one.

 :o 

Well, you've certainly had some exciting times recently.  Is the friend you mentioned, by any chance, Jane?   ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on July 24, 2017, 09:07:47 am
I didn't get back from London till 0900 today.
...
Swallowed my pride and went to my friend's house to crash.  My, how she laughed.  I'll never be allowed to forget this one.

 :o 

Well, you've certainly had some exciting times recently.  Is the friend you mentioned, by any chance, Jane?   ;D

Might be  :-\
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on July 24, 2017, 09:58:23 am
You are the person who turned up to a bunkhouse weekend without a sleeping bag after all...... ;)

Oh!  Yes, I did didn't I  ;D
... and Long Itchington?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on July 24, 2017, 10:21:13 am
You are the person who turned up to a bunkhouse weekend without a sleeping bag after all...... ;)

Oh!  Yes, I did didn't I  ;D
... and Long Itchington?

Might have  :-\
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on July 24, 2017, 11:12:31 am

Tried to break in by bashing the window with some garden furniture.  Furniture bounced off the window.

This story would only have been improved if you'd been arrested for trying to break into your house.
After having smashed your own windows.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mike on July 24, 2017, 11:08:07 pm
even if you are a bit pissed, take the extra time to find the lid to the dips before you put them in your pannier to cycle home from the picnic. 

Hummusageddon.


Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on July 25, 2017, 12:14:09 am
Well you'll certainly be able to spot Mike on a group ride, he'll be the one with the huge cloud of flies around his pannier...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on July 25, 2017, 07:48:13 am
even if you are a bit pissed, take the extra time to find the lid to the dips before you put them in your pannier to cycle home from the picnic. 

Hummusageddon.

Banana energy caramel (tested recipe)

Simple & delicious, this delightful confection will galvanize your long-distance escapades.


Ingredients:

1 banana
4 measures of energy-drink powder (maltodextrin, fructose, what-have-you)

Utensils:

1 saddlebag
1 bike lock with key sticking out (important)
1 well-aged freezer bag

Décor

1 box tyre patches
1 baseball cap
1 CO2 pump
1 roll of black tape


Procedure:

1. Put the drink powder in the well-aged freezer bag. Put this with the other ingredients, utensils & décor in the saddlebag.
2. Put the bag on the bike.
3. Ride.
4. Every 50k, leave the bike standing in the sun for 15 minutes
5. Every 100k, ditto for one hour.
6. Go home. Take bag off bike & toss in cupboard.

If this works as well for you as it did for me, the next time you open the bag you will find that:

1. The well-aged freezer bag has ruptured;
2. The key has penetrated the banana
3. The banana has been macerated by vibration & bumps
4. The resulting mousse has mixed intimately with the energy-drink powder
5. Heat and evaporation have hardened the mixture into caramel, but not before it covered every other article in proximity (the décor)
6. The well-aged freezer bag is stuck firmly to the bottom of the bag, and in wrenching it loose it tears wide open and powders everything else.

If you're lucky, you'll discover all this before your next ride. If not, at 100k from home.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on July 25, 2017, 09:04:20 am
...or two weeks later.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on July 27, 2017, 06:25:36 pm
I appear to have mislaid a stem. A new stem. A new Thomson stem.  :facepalm:

So. What could be more divvy than mislaying an expensive, new, piece of bikedom? Yes, that's right. Never having received it in the first place. Yes I have been tearing the place apart, in a subdued manner.

Ruthie and I  may be related, who knew?

Through an odd series of alternative events, I now have it in my hot stickies.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on July 27, 2017, 06:55:45 pm
It's said that there are two hard problems in computer science:  Naming things, cache invalidation and off-by-one errors.

I've just managed to waste about an hour on account of combining both of them.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: asterix on July 28, 2017, 05:22:37 pm
Having selected, cut an prepared the timber for my 2m long cupboard doors with great care and precision I now find the jig upon which they were laid for the glue to set was not quite as true as I though.  Thus I now have two beautiful but ever so slightly warped doors that are not fit for purpose.

Luckily they are only pine and I can use then for shelving.

Nevertheless, Mrs A will not be sympathetic. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: asterix on July 29, 2017, 04:18:24 pm
...a bit of hot water, a hot air gun mild persuasion and they are now unwarped.  I just need them to dry out to see if they stay like that. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on July 29, 2017, 05:17:23 pm
Sympathy.  I once built a dining table whose top developed a twist once the glue set.  Aggravating.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on July 30, 2017, 03:30:29 pm
I have burnt my face.  :(
Cooking a couple of lamb steaks on Friday.  I had put way too much oil in the pan.  When I turned one of them over it splashed full on hot oil onto my face. (Thank dog for spectacles)
"Ow", I thought, and carried on with the tasks in hand.

Should have cooled the affected areas immediately, but I didn't.  I now have a few very unsightly burn marks on various parts of the old beautiful fizzog.  And they hurt.  And they're getting worse.
Bugger
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on July 30, 2017, 06:15:15 pm
I have burnt my face.  :(
Cooking a couple of lamb steaks on Friday.  I had put way too much oil in the pan.  When I turned one of them over it splashed full on hot oil onto my face. (Thank dog for spectacles)
"Ow", I thought, and carried on with the tasks in hand.

Should have cooled the affected areas immediately, but I didn't.  I now have a few very unsightly burn marks on various parts of the old beautiful fizzog.  And they hurt.  And they're getting worse.
Bugger

Sympathy.  I did the same thing, but to my chest.  Balancing my hot chocolate on my chest while I was reading in bed I managed to spill it on my chest, right out the microwave.

I didn't realise it had made a huge blister till I scratched it the next morning and all the skin came off.

An attractive burn mark on my chest now.  It really does hurt doesn't it?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on July 30, 2017, 06:30:16 pm
I have burnt my face.  :(
Cooking a couple of lamb steaks on Friday.  I had put way too much oil in the pan.  When I turned one of them over it splashed full on hot oil onto my face. (Thank dog for spectacles)
"Ow", I thought, and carried on with the tasks in hand.

Should have cooled the affected areas immediately, but I didn't.  I now have a few very unsightly burn marks on various parts of the old beautiful fizzog.  And they hurt.  And they're getting worse.
Bugger
IS THE MUSTACHE SAFE?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on July 30, 2017, 06:45:37 pm
Yes, but well oiled.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jayjay on August 06, 2017, 07:55:50 am
Model flying:
Start to rig glider in the Isle of Man and realise the tailplane is back in Hull..

Hand starting a reluctant model aero engine, flick, flick, flick (a few minutes of this..) flick, vrrrrrrrrrrrrm, flick, OW! Dagnabbit, after all that I've just stopped the thing with my finger  >:(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on August 06, 2017, 09:01:57 am
Sanding a bridge to lower the action on my mandola. That top "looks" flat, I'll just sand it flat. There's about a 2mm curve :facepalm:  Much sanding later and it's fitted.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on August 06, 2017, 09:02:26 am
Model flying:
Hand starting a reluctant model aero engine, flick, flick, flick (a few minutes of this..) flick, vrrrrrrrrrrrrm, flick, OW! Dagnabbit, after all that I've just stopped the thing with my finger  >:(

Ah, that's OK then.  Not just me........
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: asterix on August 06, 2017, 09:43:51 am
...a bit of hot water, a hot air gun mild persuasion and they are now unwarped.  I just need them to dry out to see if they stay like that.

They didn't.  Have now taught them a lesson by making them into shelving.

And made new ones.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on August 06, 2017, 10:40:45 am
Model flying:
Hand starting a reluctant model aero engine, flick, flick, flick (a few minutes of this..) flick, vrrrrrrrrrrrrm, flick, OW! Dagnabbit, after all that I've just stopped the thing with my finger  >:(

Ah, that's OK then.  Not just me........
Rubber powered models.  It's the way forward I tell you. :)

On saving fingertips; last time I was across at Acle there was a chap starting his ICEs with a bench rigged Hucks Starter affair, sans Model T.  Seemed much safer to me.  I did wonder if it would be possible to jury-rig something similar from a cheapo battery drill.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on August 06, 2017, 01:35:29 pm
Stood waiting for a bus in Cyprus

Me: ooh, that looks like a prickly pear cactus, I bet they taste better than at home, they look ripe.
Wander over, wife follows
Two prickly pears later, alongside lots of "be careful" with daughter saying "why are you doing that?"
Spent most of the day since then pulling spines out of my fingers
Prickly pears tasted great though.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jayjay on August 06, 2017, 04:45:29 pm
E.D. - Ouch!

Ok, sprayed myself with midge repellent from the little tin on the bookshelf. It didn't seem to smell as bad this time. Because it was shoe stretcher spray. Fortunately I did not develop bloodhound-like droopy features as a result. Something frightened the midges off, though.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 06, 2017, 10:20:35 pm
On saving fingertips; last time I was across at Acle there was a chap starting his ICEs with a bench rigged Hucks Starter affair, sans Model T.  Seemed much safer to me.  I did wonder if it would be possible to jury-rig something similar from a cheapo battery drill.

Seen that done way back in the 1990s.  Cheapo battery drills are much improved since then...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on August 07, 2017, 08:15:42 am
On saving fingertips; last time I was across at Acle there was a chap starting his ICEs with a bench rigged Hucks Starter affair, sans Model T.  Seemed much safer to me.  I did wonder if it would be possible to jury-rig something similar from a cheapo battery drill.

Seen that done way back in the 1990s.  Cheapo battery drills are much improved since then...

We have electric starters now.  Motor with a big ali cup on the end, lined with a rubber insert.  Strap a 14V Lipo to it and it keeps your fingers out of the way.  I will confess, however, to restarting a dead but warm engine by hand occasionally......
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on August 07, 2017, 10:56:46 am
Shortly after I fired up my PC this morning it made a noise like an 8" floppy drive hitting a bad sector - try saying awwwwwwwwk on a indrawn breath and you'll be close, if you don't swallow your tonsils. Whoops, I thought. Disk crash impending, I thought.  So I scheduled full checks on both my drives and restarted.  CHKDSK started on the D: drive (pictures, cycling routes & stats, web sites), and the Sound creaked out again immediately.

Half an hour later I happened to look down at the front of the machine and noticed that the illuminated fan-cum-dust-impeller, which hasn't worked for years and is superfluous anyway (dust gets in without it) was attempting to turn, and making the Sound as it did so. I could prompt it to do so by tapping it with my finger-tips: awwwwwwk every time.

You can't interrupt CHKDSK (well, you can switch off but doing that in the middle of a Process feels like sacrilege), so I sat there for the next 90 minutes watching the figures crawl round until I could dive in with a rigid digit and stop it doing C: as well.

How to waste a morning and end up feeling like a tw@.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 07, 2017, 02:17:32 pm
Better than losing data, thobut.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on August 07, 2017, 03:01:15 pm
Ain't it the trooth?  I really should open the casing and disconnect the fan - it has to be doing something evil with juice flowing in the windings when the motor won't turn - but (a) it's got pretty blue lights in and (b) ICBA.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on August 07, 2017, 08:53:35 pm
We have electric starters now.  Motor with a big ali cup on the end, lined with a rubber insert...
That's the bunny.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on August 08, 2017, 09:24:19 pm
I have burnt my face.  :(
Cooking a couple of lamb steaks on Friday.  I had put way too much oil in the pan.  When I turned one of them over it splashed full on hot oil onto my face. (Thank dog for spectacles)
"Ow", I thought, and carried on with the tasks in hand.

Should have cooled the affected areas immediately, but I didn't.  I now have a few very unsightly burn marks on various parts of the old beautiful fizzog.  And they hurt.  And they're getting worse.
Bugger

Well, they did get pretty horrific looking,  but this evening the last scab came off and no scars.  :D
You'll all be pleased to hear that I am as beautiful as ever.   8)
Lopsided moustache more or less recovered too.   :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Morat on August 11, 2017, 10:23:05 pm
Spent a couple of hours trying to add an iscsi NAS to our VMWare Hosts as a datastore. Just could not get it to work. After much self doubt and "But I've done this plenty of times" I eventually twigged that I had been connecting to the admin GUI on the NAS just fine but of course the target was being presented on the bonded interface on a different subnet. Which wasn't plugged in.
IDIOT!!

This is what happens when you have to take support calls while fettling stuff.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on August 14, 2017, 09:57:48 pm
Humm.

For various reasons, I've been swapping wheels between various bikes.
The wheel that came off my commuter bike was quite manky, and the cassette was very manky.
So before re-fitting the cassette to the replacement wheel, I decided to clean it up in the tray of diesel I use for such things.
The diesel is over-due for replacement, being dark black and totally opaque.

After finishing the fettling session, I go have a bath.
In the bath, I manage to convince myself I've missed the 10-spd spacer, and it's still sitting in the sludge at the bottom of the cleaning tray.
So I get dressed, go back down to the garage and guddle about in the diesel.
Nothing.

I'm now stinking of diesel again, and I've just had a bath :-(
Then I notice that a simple visual inspection of the clean wheel on the bike would have shown the spacer as present and correct, so my guddling about in dirty diesel was totally un-necessary.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on August 14, 2017, 10:40:18 pm
Fitting wall bracket for TV.

We want it to be able to fold away into corner, which means it needs to swing above window ledge. I bolt the bracket to the TV. Manage to hold in air one-handed so it is in 'folded' position over window ledge and mark bracket top against wall.

Unbolt TV from bracket, drill 4x10mm holes in wall, spraying dust all over room. Fit bracket to wall, bolt TV to bracket.

Then realise that bracket enables TV to swivel - and when I had it over the window ledge it wasn't horizontal. When horizontal it is now 12mm too low to fit over window ledge.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on September 12, 2017, 06:19:39 pm
CBH is away again looking after her "Aged Mum" at her holiday home down in the West Country so I have been left alone with just the cats and myself to feed. The cats are easy to feed: three pieces of white fish for breakfast, a bag of frozen prawns (unfrozen of course) for lunch, three tins of cat food for whenever they are hungry and several pieces of boiled chicken for tea.

Me, well while I like cooking, frankly after a day at work, I can't be bothered to do anything complicated so I tend to live on salads, jacket potatoes and or the odd chippy supper. However, tonight I fancied a curry but rather than make it, or get a take away, I purchased some ready made stuff from Tescos which is ready to re-heat and eat. I am not a big fan of ready meal as they are expensive and normally full of salt/sugar, two things I try to avoid.

Well that was the plan.....Sadly it didn't turn out that way and my task now before I eat is to clean the Aloo Sag I dropped into the washing machine. Little did I know that the plastic container the foodstuff was held in would not take heating in the microwave, despite the fact that the cooking instructions suggested it would. I should have put the food in a bowl and used that but sadly, I wanted to avoid doing the washing up.

I think from now on until CBH returns on Friday, I will stick to salads... :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on September 12, 2017, 06:31:45 pm
I failed to submit advance notice in writing to the Red Baron's front derailleur for use of the granny ring on a short but steep climb, jammed the chain, rolled to a stop and fell over sideways in slow motion.

One grazed elbow, no witnesses.   :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ruthie on September 12, 2017, 06:38:05 pm
Div.   ;)

How's the Baron?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on September 12, 2017, 06:57:18 pm
Minor accumulation of mud on the rack bag.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on September 12, 2017, 07:59:39 pm
I was supposed to be accompanying my wife to the theatre next week. Except I appear to be doing so from seat 7A of an aeroplane. Slow painful death. It'll be worse than even BA can mete out.

I am sure I checked my calendar. Some idiot didn't account for flying out the evening before the meeting.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on September 12, 2017, 09:28:20 pm
I've just ground some fresh coffee ....... all over my kitchen floor.      I was standing there cranking away on the Porlex & wondered what I could feel landing on my bare feet....   


Top Tip , always check that you've put the receptacle cylinder thingy in place before you start grinding  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 13, 2017, 08:41:10 am
I failed to submit advance notice in writing to the Red Baron's front derailleur for use of the granny ring on a short but steep climb, jammed the chain, rolled to a stop and fell over sideways in slow motion.

One grazed elbow, no witnesses.   :-[

At least no witnesses.

Last time I had a heel/front wheel interface on a right hand T-juntion, it resulted in the stem slipping on the steerer and me wondering WTF? as I tried to go in a straight line.  Plenty of witnesses to the div on the funny bike
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on September 13, 2017, 10:55:56 am
Printed out a 40 page document to review on the way to work.

Font so small I couldn't read it!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on September 15, 2017, 11:23:46 am
I'm building a MIDI lighting controller. I did the prototyping with an Arduino Nano pushed into a breadboard kit and happily got the five faders and joystick working leaving one spare analogue channel.
Move on and create a smart aluminum panel with slots for the five faders and a hole for the joystick and then look at the Arduino controller that I will be using... It only has 6 analogue channels! BAH!!!!!1!!
(Note - I can't use the Nano as it doesn't allow re-programming the USB interface as a MIDI device)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on September 15, 2017, 12:23:51 pm
My Cateye Enduro computer has an auto start/stop function. I found that out this morning after changing the battery. I'v only had the thing 20 years and never noticed it before. :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on September 19, 2017, 09:26:26 am
When dropping off your bicycle for a service, especially if you've had to go out of your way to do so, it is useful to leave behind the key for your PitLock skewers.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on September 22, 2017, 05:32:17 pm
I'm working on a large graphic that is overlaid on a faded out map of the world. Earlier I munched a pear. Noticing a little juice splatter mark on my screen I attempted to remove it. It wasn't coming off. So I dabbed some isopropyl alcohol on a cloth and gave it a little more vim. Still not coming off. Hmm, thinks I.

It was only then, after several seconds of hmm, that I realised I was trying to erase St Helena.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on September 22, 2017, 05:37:12 pm
I'm working on a large graphic that is overlaid on a faded out map of the world. Earlier I munched a pear. Noticing a little juice splatter mark on my screen I attempted to remove it. It wasn't coming off. So I dabbed some isopropyl alcohol on a cloth and gave it a little more vim. Still not coming off. Hmm, thinks I.

It was only then, after several seconds of hmm, that I realised I was trying to erase St Helena.
It was you, wasn't it?

Admit it, you erased Nambia from existence.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 01, 2017, 07:57:29 am
Last year I replaced my defunct cordless drill with one of Leroy Merlin's own-brand jobs that came with two batteries and cost < 60 euros. It does the job, although it has a tendency to slip into hammer mode a bit too easily.

Noticed last Thursday that the batteries seem to go flat rather quickly.  Had a closer look this morning: I thought they'd stopped making NiCads 20 years ago. :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on October 02, 2017, 07:33:31 pm
Chop veggies, brown chicken bits, put in slow cooker with stock & go off to do something else.


Come back  & realise it was turned off at the wall socket.  :facepalm:       Eating late tonight then...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on October 03, 2017, 07:04:49 pm
When fettling a remote control for the TV wait until the conductive paint you have applied to the backs of the most frequently used buttons is _completely_ dry before reassembling.  Failure to do this will result in a bridged tracks on the PCB and the poor old TV* will sit there going bananas trying to respond to a high speed stream of button clicks.


*Which is a Panasonic and a piece of shit, but it doesn't deserve that kind of grief.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on October 05, 2017, 10:34:22 pm
The other day, I lost an SPD cleat. I'd not bothered stopping to sort it out, although it was obviously loose and getting more awkward to de-clip. And then, it was gone. Changed shoe the next day and found it very difficult to clip in. Odd. Oh well. Put a new cleat on the old shoe and it wasn't much better. Rode it a few days. Gave the bike into  LBS (who had built it) to sort out the brake issue (turned out to be contaminated pads #2. Apparently).

As I collected it, the mechanic handed me a bit of metal with two screws in "You lost a cleat? it was in the pedal"
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jurek on October 05, 2017, 10:44:25 pm
The other day, I lost an SPD cleat. I'd not bothered stopping to sort it out, although it was obviously loose and getting more awkward to de-clip. And then, it was gone. Changed shoe the next day and found it very difficult to clip in. Odd. Oh well. Put a new cleat on the old shoe and it wasn't much better. Rode it a few days. Gave the bike into  LBS (who had built it) to sort out the brake issue (turned out to be contaminated pads #2. Apparently).

As I collected it, the mechanic handed me a bit of metal with two screws in "You lost a cleat? it was in the pedal"
Choice.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 06, 2017, 08:36:16 am
THB I felt a bit of a twit myself when I found out that the horrible rattle coming from my bike was due to a loose lock-ring on the cassette. Guess who fitted the thing in the first place.

On extenuation, I'm sure I read somewhere that you don't need to put a lot of force into tightening lock-rings because they tighten naturally as you ride. IMHO they don't.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on October 06, 2017, 08:37:35 am
On extenuation, I'm sure I read somewhere that you don't need to put a lot of force into tightening lock-rings because they tighten naturally as you ride. IMHO they don't.

That's freewheels.  Different animal.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 06, 2017, 01:41:06 pm
Hum. 40 Nm it says on the box. Must've been freewheels I read that of, right enough.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on October 09, 2017, 03:57:09 pm
I recently bought a phone off a forum I frequent. Quite an expensive one.  It's not been delivered and the sender didn't insure it, so has been a bit stressed. Today he called and told me the problem. I'd given him the correct address (for work) and the correct postcode (for home)  ::-)

RM say it "may" be returned to him if it's not delivered by Friday.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jayjay on October 10, 2017, 10:24:34 pm
DO make sure, folks, to change at least one of the empty dual gas bottles before the Christmas dinner goes into the oven.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on October 10, 2017, 11:03:43 pm
DO make sure, folks, to change at least one of the empty dual gas bottles before the Christmas dinner goes into the oven.

Is it time to get the sprouts on already?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on October 11, 2017, 11:41:27 am
DO make sure, folks, to change at least one of the empty dual gas bottles before the Christmas dinner goes into the oven.

Is it time to get the sprouts on already?
April, traditionally.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on October 11, 2017, 11:46:34 am
I set off out the gate onto the little rural lane this morning, as dawn's rosy fingers were [enough!..Ed.]
I hadn't gone far before I hit a pothole.
"I wonder why I hadn't seen that?" I asked myself.

Aha!  Enlightenment came when I switched on my front light :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: RichForrest on October 11, 2017, 12:51:30 pm
I set off out the gate onto the little rural lane this morning, as dawn's rosy fingers were [enough!..Ed.]

Blimey, she did well to get over that way. Strava says she only did 12km this morning  ???  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Oscar's dad on October 12, 2017, 03:42:45 pm
Last week I realised that I had mislaid the light I attach to the top of my Magic Hat whilst riding at night.  I knew it was somewhere in the house and hunted high and low.  Today I succumbed and bought a new light at a cost of £43.  The new light requires USB charging directly from a PC but I was sure I had a charger that would work that could be plugged into the wall.  Last week I hand tidied the drawer that used to contain such items disposing of some chargers for devices long gone and putting the remainder in the bag.  I rummaged through the bag and guess what I found...?  ::-) :facepalm:

Had the new light not triggered the bag rummaging I wouldn't have found the light for a long time.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on October 12, 2017, 10:33:58 pm
Worked late on Tuesday. Dark on leaving work and hadn't thought to bring light so sneaked home on quiet side roads, cycle and mixed use paths. Home safely. On parking up I remembered to grab a light for the following night.

Worked late Wednesday but luckily had light!

However, no bracket to fit it to.

 :facepalm:

Cycled home with light held in hand

 ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on October 13, 2017, 02:24:22 pm
The value of a dynamo...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mcshroom on October 20, 2017, 11:24:30 pm
I've just found my tyre levers in the boot of the car, which means I've spent all week commuting with spare tubes, a patch kit and a pump, but no way of removing the tyres to use them :facepalm:

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on October 20, 2017, 11:58:49 pm
The value of a dynamo...
???
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on October 21, 2017, 12:04:27 am
The value of a dynamo...
???

That you don't have to think to bring lights (or their brackets), just switch them on.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on October 21, 2017, 12:57:23 am
Building a 2x10 29er, transmission, hmmm... Got a LH 2 speed SRAM X7 trigger, OK we'll get a matching RH. So far so good. Next, rear derailleur, need an X7. <click>

Assemble all the bits this evening, add cassette & chain, crank it up. Derailleur won't go all the way down to 1st. Got all the clicks on the shifter and the cable is correctly routed. Check **EVERYTHING**. Twice. Still won't. Scrabble in the bin for the packaging hoping to find the instructions in case I've done something dumb.

Yep, I've done something dumb. Bought a 10sp shifter and a 9sp derailleur. No, I didn't know either. Arse . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on October 21, 2017, 10:36:03 am
Fitted a X5 10sp rear mech this morning. Everything functions as it should.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Peter on October 21, 2017, 12:04:26 pm
You need more sleep (and possibly scones).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on October 21, 2017, 04:59:30 pm
"Time for tea" said Mr Larrington.  He put the oven into pre-heat mode and went off to Do Things.  When the oven went "ping" (very quietly — see grumbles passim) he put a couple of the finest breaded fishy things that Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles has to offer into an oven dish, placed the said dish in the oven and went off to Do More Things.

Some time later, Mr Larrington's nostrils are assailed by a diabolical ronk, as of a garlic powder-fuelled explosion in a tyre factory.  He goes to investigate and finds a thick pall of smoke pouring from the oven.  On opening the door of same the Chips Room immediately resembles the Columbia River Gorge when Mr Larrington was there last month viz., invisible behind the choking miasma of particulates filling the atmostale.  He cannot actually reach the fridge without both breathing apparatus and a guide dog.

Investigation shews that Mr Larrington, fecking div that he be, has pressed the "Grill/Combi" button instead of the "Convection" one, thereby cremating his nosh beyond recognition and making the whole of Larrington Towers stink most vilely of fish.  Verily, 'tis now the piece of cod which passeth all understanding, and is awaiting disposal once I find the gear I normally wear when dumping radioactive waste in John Redwood's garden.

Hungry now :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on October 21, 2017, 05:04:27 pm
I did that once with our old oven and ended up with a half carbon/half raw calzone that I'd spent hours making.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 21, 2017, 05:09:56 pm
The radioactive codpiece sounds like a deadly device out of a Dan Brown novel.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on October 21, 2017, 05:11:05 pm
The great advantage of being unable to exceed the pace of a snail is that I cannot abandon the oven.

Two minutes of extra time never really hurts. Oven is but two cubits from my seat.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jurek on October 21, 2017, 05:12:33 pm
Take away, it is then...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on October 21, 2017, 05:15:10 pm
This is similar to the process through which Mustard Gas Chicken was invented.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on October 21, 2017, 08:54:06 pm
Mrs ElyDave did that once, set oven to grill, inserted crumble, much burning later left top of crumble carbonised, middle of crumble raw.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 22, 2017, 10:35:44 am
Wondered why the slow puncture I patched yesterday was flat again today - pinched when remounting, second hole???

Nope. I had simply put the patch beside the hole instead of on it. :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on October 23, 2017, 10:21:02 am
The value of a dynamo...
???
Sorry to confuse.  I am a bit absent-minded, but having a hub dynamo means that my light is permanently attached to the bike, ad even I can't lose it!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on October 23, 2017, 11:55:08 am
I did that once with our old oven and ended up with a half carbon/half raw calzone that I'd spent hours making.

I did the opposite (and not for the first time) which explains why my tea on Friday night took twice as long. The defrost setting isn't very good for getting the oven hot. I'm not, tbh, sure why my oven needs about dozen different settings (there's three for the bloody fan, for heaven's sake) other than to ensure I select the wrong one and wander off.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on October 24, 2017, 12:33:19 pm
Building a 2x10 29er, transmission, hmmm... Got a LH 2 speed SRAM X7 trigger, OK we'll get a matching RH. So far so good. Next, rear derailleur, need an X7. <click>

Assemble all the bits this evening, add cassette & chain, crank it up. Derailleur won't go all the way down to 1st. Got all the clicks on the shifter and the cable is correctly routed. Check **EVERYTHING**. Twice. Still won't. Scrabble in the bin for the packaging hoping to find the instructions in case I've done something dumb.

Yep, I've done something dumb. Bought a 10sp shifter and a 9sp derailleur. No, I didn't know either. Arse . . .

Sorry Tors, I shouldn't be laffing but...........
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on October 24, 2017, 04:32:28 pm
Yes, you should. The trick is not to do it again . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Oaky on October 24, 2017, 05:01:22 pm
The first bit of this tale sounds like it belongs in the grumble thread, but bear with it, the divviness will soon become clear.

Today I had to go for a blood test.  My appointment was at 10:50, and I duly cycle over to ${SURGERY}, ~5 minutes before time and check in.  The receptionist looks at me as if I'm mad (leading me to wonder if I've turned up a month early or something equally divvy).

'That's at ${OTHER_SURGERY}' said the receptionist, handing me a printout of the Google maps directions between ${SURGERY} and ${OTHER_SURGERY}.

This crucial fact hadn't been mentioned when I booked the appointment, or in the SMS confirmation (which stated ${SURGERY}), or in the systmonline listing of my appointments which also states Location: ${SURGERY}.

Anyhow,  I hop back on my bike and race round to ${OTHER_SURGERY} (just over a mile),  where I present my sweaty self to the phlebotomist, apologising profusely for being late for my appointment.

'Do you have your paperwork?', she asked...

'...errr... no, sorry,  its still on my noticeboard at home  :facepalm:', I replied, sheepishly.

There being only 30 minutes left of the phlebotomist session, I got back on the bike and sprinted the 3 mile round trip to home and back to ${OTHER_SURGERY}, making it back in a sweaty mess, clutching my all-important bloodwork form and finally managed to get bled.

Still,  my eleveated heart rate seemed to help in jetting the blood out into the containers.  And I got a bit of exercise in.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on October 28, 2017, 10:35:51 am
Master fettler, me

(https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hnauBJxcZUw/WfRPMn0ifYI/AAAAAAABD2o/mn48IaQSZqw0-TqebK3Mifi0f1QJzQLGQCKgBGAs/s640/IMG_20171028_102326.jpg)

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jurek on October 28, 2017, 10:37:47 am
Your bike appears to be up side down.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rogerzilla on October 28, 2017, 10:43:25 am
I've just realised I've paid £99.90 to NOW TV for a service I never used after the free 3 months.  I genuinely thought I'd cancelled it via the box itself (I'm pretty careful with these things and expect them to be scams) but they silently take money via debit card without notifying you, and the amounts are small enough that you don't spot them unless you're unusually rigorous (or still get paper bank statements).  This is their business model.  Avoid.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on October 30, 2017, 03:35:28 pm
We took out a subscription to Now TV so we could watch GoT (and other things). Then discovered that it only kept about 3 episodes available at a time. So the first few episodes of the season weren't available . . .
Must remind MrsC to terminate it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pcolbeck on October 31, 2017, 11:18:16 am
Oh hell I just remembered I put some very smelly cheese in the overflow fridge (contains only white wine and beer except at Christmas or if we are having a party) in the garage after Mrs Pcolbeck complained it was stinking the kitchen out - about six weeks ago. I may have to find a cloths peg for my nose before opening the fridge to deal with it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on October 31, 2017, 12:42:43 pm
Oh hell I just remembered I put some very smelly cheese in the overflow fridge (contains only white wine and beer except at Christmas or if we are having a party) in the garage after Mrs Pcolbeck complained it was stinking the kitchen out - about six weeks ago. I may have to find a cloths peg for my nose before opening the fridge to deal with it.

I can get you a gas mask and NBC suit if you think it might be necessary
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 31, 2017, 01:38:01 pm
Oh hell I just remembered I put some very smelly cheese in the overflow fridge (contains only white wine and beer except at Christmas or if we are having a party) in the garage after Mrs Pcolbeck complained it was stinking the kitchen out - about six weeks ago. I may have to find a cloths peg for my nose before opening the fridge to deal with it.

When I left one French company the development held a farewell piss-up, in course of which a chum passed me a packet of scampi "because you won't feel much like cooking afterwards".  It being a warm evening, I nipped into the boss's office, put it in his hospitality fridge, and promptly forgot about it.

I later heard that since the fridge's only function was to cool drinks down it was on a timer that switched it off over the weekend. Piss-up, of course, was on a Friday.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on October 31, 2017, 05:45:52 pm
Oh hell I just remembered I put some very smelly cheese in the overflow fridge (contains only white wine and beer except at Christmas or if we are having a party) in the garage after Mrs Pcolbeck complained it was stinking the kitchen out - about six weeks ago. I may have to find a cloths peg for my nose before opening the fridge to deal with it.

I can get you a gas mask and NBC suit if you think it might be necessary

NSFW thread for fetish stuff is THAT WAY ->
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on October 31, 2017, 07:01:05 pm
One of my school friends, having found a way to avoid a home economics lesson, left his ingredients (which included eggs) in a locker for an entire year. When that was discovered we all had to go stand in the playground for 30 minutes while the smell dissipated.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on November 02, 2017, 01:14:03 pm
Ops......

CBH has just phoned to inform me that her rich, cat loving uncle has just died.

Reflecting back: "I don't suppose he will leave us anything in his will" was not the right reply to this sad news  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Zipperhead on November 02, 2017, 01:36:24 pm
Ops......

CBH has just phoned to inform me that her rich, cat loving uncle has just died.

Reflecting back: "I don't suppose he will leave us anything in his will" was not the right reply to this sad news  :facepalm:

Pussy Galore?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on November 02, 2017, 02:07:38 pm
I have plenty of time to get to dentist. It takes 20min to get there, I have 40. Check bike tyres, front is very soft. Pump it up. Ride to dentist, get there 20min early. Front tyre is very soft again . . .
Oh bu&&er
It's my town bike, so of course I don't have pump, tube or patches with me.

Post dental poking and prodding, I walk to train station to go to work - it is 2miles.

Could have fixed that at home in 10min. I was waiting 20min for the dentist.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mcshroom on November 07, 2017, 06:05:59 pm
If you are ordering a new quill stem for your bike with a 1" headset, make sure you check the diameter of the quill is 22.2mm, not 25.4 mm :facepalm:

Today's message is brought to you by your "buy stupid, buy twice" Cumbrian correspondant :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on November 08, 2017, 08:37:53 am
"Measure, measure, cut" springs to mind.  Or "measure... measure..???... CU*T ! ! !" in the present case.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on November 11, 2017, 08:56:51 pm
Today was the first outing for my Walz wool cap this winter...

...I've just found it in the load I removed from the washing machine.   :facepalm:


Watch this space to see whether we're going to have to line assorted forumites' children up for a cinderella who's-got-a-sufficiently-small-head competition again.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on November 11, 2017, 09:05:39 pm
Today was the first outing for my Walz wool cap this winter...

...I've just found it in the load I removed from the washing machine.   :facepalm:


Watch this space to see whether we're going to have to line assorted forumites' children up for a cinderella who's-got-a-sufficiently-small-head competition again.


The solution is surely to wear it until it's dry, so it can't shrink too much....  (keep sharp scissors handy in case you hear your skull creaking)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on November 11, 2017, 11:39:14 pm
wondering why my brakes felt a bit spongy this morning, until I remembered I'd had both wheels out last weekend.  I'd only ridden 25km with the front calliper on the open position.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on November 14, 2017, 10:00:24 am
Hotplates that have had coffee pots on them for the las 45 minutes are bloody hot. The blister on the end of my right-hand forefinger is going to make life a bit difficult for a day or two :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: lahoski on November 14, 2017, 01:58:07 pm
Hotplates that have had coffee pots on them for the las 45 minutes are bloody hot. The blister on the end of my right-hand forefinger is going to make life a bit difficult for a day or two :facepalm:

I nonchalantly put my hand behind me to lean on the counter top once at a party whilst engaged in a wholly inappropriate conversation with someone I really shouldn't have but really rather wanted to. Except it wasn't a counter top. It was the hot plate of an electric cooker.

It ruined the mood.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Peter on November 14, 2017, 02:05:43 pm
A Delboy momemt!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on November 14, 2017, 07:28:17 pm
10/10 for dropping off my repeat prescription at the chemist's in Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles last week.

0/10 for forgetting to pick up my meds this week :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on November 14, 2017, 09:56:09 pm
Hotplates that have had coffee pots on them for the las 45 minutes are bloody hot. The blister on the end of my right-hand forefinger is going to make life a bit difficult for a day or two :facepalm:

I nonchalantly put my hand behind me to lean on the counter top once at a party whilst engaged in a wholly inappropriate conversation with someone I really shouldn't have but really rather wanted to. Except it wasn't a counter top. It was the hot plate of an electric cooker.

It ruined the mood.

I broke my little finger at a party, leaning back against the counter, feet slipped out under me on wet tiles, tried to stop myself and caught my hand on the cupboard handle on the way down.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on November 14, 2017, 10:05:02 pm
Today was the first outing for my Walz wool cap this winter...

...I've just found it in the load I removed from the washing machine.   :facepalm:


Watch this space to see whether we're going to have to line assorted forumites' children up for a cinderella who's-got-a-sufficiently-small-head competition again.

Bad news for the younger generation: It appears to still be Kim-sized.   :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on November 14, 2017, 10:44:49 pm
Today was the first outing for my Walz wool cap this winter...

...I've just found it in the load I removed from the washing machine.   :facepalm:


Watch this space to see whether we're going to have to line assorted forumites' children up for a cinderella who's-got-a-sufficiently-small-head competition again.

Bad news for the younger generation: It appears to still be Kim-sized.   :thumbsup:

 :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Most kids' heads (not faces) aren't much smaller than adults anyway. The skull does much growing in infancy but little thereafter.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on November 14, 2017, 10:48:09 pm
Most kids' heads (not faces) aren't much smaller than adults anyway. The skull does much growing in infancy but little thereafter.

This was demonstrated with the last one, where it got handed to younger and younger children until SmallestCub ended up with it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on November 14, 2017, 10:52:23 pm
Vague recall of  approximate head circumferences:
30cm birth
45cm 1 year
50cm 2 year

55 cm adult woman
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on November 14, 2017, 10:54:27 pm
I recently bought 2 new caps (tweed flat style).  The 59cm one is a little too snug, the 60cm is a tad too loose & has blown off in wind once already   :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on November 14, 2017, 11:01:13 pm
My steel tape measure suggests my head circumference is about 57cm.  Shrink a couple of inches off that and it sounds about right for a 3yo.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on November 15, 2017, 02:09:22 pm
60 cm is large, even for a man.

In the Good Old Days, hats, including school berets and caps, were supplied in ⅛ inch increments.

6⅜" fitted a 5 year old (approx) and 6⅞" an 11 year old... 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on November 15, 2017, 02:27:24 pm
ISTR that back when was a motorcyclist my helmet size was 56cm. I expect that varies from manufacturer to manufacturer though and with personal preference.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Greenbank on November 16, 2017, 07:52:06 am
"Measure, measure, cut" springs to mind.  Or "measure... measure..???... CU*T ! ! !" in the present case.

"Measure once, buy twice"

Today's ISAFD moment: I looked and thought about posting in the Lift the Lid subforum.

What was I thinking!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on November 16, 2017, 04:00:45 pm
Just fitted a new front derailleur cable, set the indexing then reached under the BB to trim the excess cable. Snip. SPAAAANG! as the cage hit the inner stop.

Oh, well. it's only a cable...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: spesh on November 16, 2017, 04:21:30 pm
"Measure, measure, cut" springs to mind.  Or "measure... measure..???... CU*T ! ! !" in the present case.

"Measure once, buy twice"

Today's ISAFD moment: I looked and thought about posting in the Lift the Lid subforum.

What was I thinking!

From observation of previous home-owners' attempts at carpentry in my house:

"Measure once, use Birmingham screwdriver and/or bigger nails to fit."
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on November 16, 2017, 04:37:11 pm
...but I measured it three times and it's still TOO FECKIN' SHORT!!!!!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on November 16, 2017, 06:59:09 pm
"Measure, measure, cut" springs to mind.  Or "measure... measure..???... CU*T ! ! !" in the present case.

"Measure once, buy twice"

Today's ISAFD moment: I looked and thought about posting in the Lift the Lid subforum.

What was I thinking!

From observation of previous home-owners' attempts at carpentry in my house:

"Measure once, use Birmingham screwdriver and/or bigger nails to fit."

As yesterday was the 18th anniversary of my acquiring the keys to this address, I will point out that the inch/centimetre markings on the spirit level I bought did not correspond to those on the tape measures...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on November 17, 2017, 08:32:27 am
They obviously went to Guy's School of DIY - If it don't fit 'it lt wiv a 'ammer
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Si S on November 17, 2017, 05:17:43 pm
And if it still don't fit, find a bigger hammer
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on November 17, 2017, 07:59:17 pm
Thankfully, we realised the inaccuracy of the spit level's graduations before any Disaster occurred.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on November 18, 2017, 02:37:04 pm
Heigh ho.  The fluorescents in my office not having worked all morning, and having forked out 47€ on a new LED replacement yesterday, I decided to install the thing this afternoon. As a prelude to taking the old one down I undid the casing, took the tubes out and popped out the plate that carries the tube-holders.  As I did so, the live wire slid coyly out of the terminal block. It wasn't clamped in by the wee screw.

Fecking div moment #1.

I backed the screw out, tidied up the end of the wire and shoved it in again, tightened the screw down on it and gave it a tug to make sure it was anchored. Reassembled the unit, switched on and it worked. Yo! (But 47€ spent on nowt... well, it can go in the cellar.)  Put away tools & hop-up, got myself a cuppa and sat down at my machine.  The light went out.

Fecking div moment #2.

A while later it came on again, and so far it's stayed on.  Watch this space.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on November 18, 2017, 06:25:42 pm
Um - did you check how tight the screws were on the other wires?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on November 19, 2017, 08:44:08 am
Good thought, but yes.  But I think I might disconnect the lot anyway and tin the ends of the cable before I reconnect it - it's multistrand rather than the more usual single-strand used for domestic cabling.  Overhead soldering, though - fun & games, right over my desk. Don't worry, I'll put a bag over my head.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on November 19, 2017, 12:10:57 pm
Good thought, but yes.  But I think I might disconnect the lot anyway and tin the ends of the cable before I reconnect it - it's multistrand rather than the more usual single-strand used for domestic cabling.  Overhead soldering, though - fun & games, right over my desk. Don't worry, I'll put a bag over my head.

Bad idea.  Solder is great for stopping things fraying, but it makes the wires-working-loose-in-terminal-blocks problem worse, as it deforms plastically when clamped.

Twisting the strands together to make them manageable, and doing the screw up bastard tight ought to be sufficient.  If you want to be posh about it you can use crimp-on lugs, but probably not with standard choc-blocks.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on November 19, 2017, 01:47:34 pm
Glad it's a bad idea, I was't looking forward to it.  Thinking back, I rather think the cable that comes out of the ceiling is single-strand, and that there's a length of 3-core multi connected to it via a block - i.e. 6 connexions to come loose.  Of course, it could just be that the ballast is going west.  The on/off behaviour smacks of heat problems.

I think I'll put up the new unit and muck about with this one on a bench, then either fix or junk it according to cost.  It'll be damn funny, though, if the new one starts to misbehave. If that happens I'll start looking for mice in the loft.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CrinklyLion on November 19, 2017, 04:57:33 pm
Trapped finger in door, passed out from pain, faceplanted on kitchen floor.

Impressive bruises and five stiches in my lip. Oops.

Finger is fine tho.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on November 19, 2017, 05:01:27 pm
I saw the friendface thread.  That's a fairly spectacular injury for a minor incident, even by your standards.   :o

GWS, and well done to SmallestCub for being sensible in an emergency.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on November 19, 2017, 05:13:49 pm
Trapped finger in door, passed out from pain, faceplanted on kitchen floor.

Impressive bruises and five stiches in my lip. Oops.

Finger is fine tho.

Ouch! Heal quickly
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CrinklyLion on November 19, 2017, 06:30:43 pm
Apparently I've managed, quite unusually, to get an injury that looks more impressive in a camera phone pic that real life so my next door neighbour was quite relieved when she returned the SmallestCub from his inpromptu day out with the SmallestSuperheroNextDoor, also bringing All The Painkillers, and I looked surprisingly human....

https://twitter.com/CrinklyLion/status/932267028282519552/photo/1 for gory pics!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on November 19, 2017, 07:01:49 pm
Thinking about this, yours is the kind of injury I saw rather more in toddlers than adults though I did sew up an adult cyclist who had made close contact with a handlebar...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CrinklyLion on November 19, 2017, 07:50:00 pm
Toddlers - small friendly grumpy enthusiastic tired humans, fundamentally a bit incompetent at staying upright and walking in straight lines.  Yeah... that makes sense :D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Polar Bear on November 19, 2017, 08:13:39 pm
I was supposed to cut the cake ...    :sick:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on November 19, 2017, 09:20:50 pm
Ouch Kat !  I was just logging on to report my own minor bumpage & see you've well beaten me in the damage stakes.   Glad you are OK & GWS.


Riding up to my parents on the drop barred tourer I noticed my front brake was rubbing.  Thr brake lever was slightly out of alignment so I straightened it up with a tug & rode on.


On the return trip all was OK until I got to the steep downhill bit just before my flat.  The lever must have shifted again when I pulled it & the front brake locked up completely, luckily I was more or less stopped but still went headfirst over the bars  :facepalm:


Damage to bike,  I've lost a rear light, not checked properly yet.  Damage to self,  seems to be restricted to a bruised left knee.  I may have some more aches in the morning though.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on November 20, 2017, 08:26:57 am
Trapped finger in door, passed out from pain, faceplanted on kitchen floor.

Impressive bruises and five stiches in my lip. Oops.

Finger is fine tho.
Has eldest cub made up for the not noticing anything yet? Maybe by cleaning up the claret from the floor?

mouth injuries bleed impressively but also heal very fast
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on November 20, 2017, 09:45:11 am
Trapped finger in door, passed out from pain, faceplanted on kitchen floor.

Impressive bruises and five stiches in my lip. Oops.

Finger is fine tho.

Arrgh! GWS.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: De Sisti on November 20, 2017, 10:03:55 am
Heigh ho.  The fluorescents in my office not having worked all morning,,,
Home office?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on November 21, 2017, 09:44:30 am
Good thought, but yes.  But I think I might disconnect the lot anyway and tin the ends of the cable before I reconnect it - it's multistrand rather than the more usual single-strand used for domestic cabling.  Overhead soldering, though - fun & games, right over my desk. Don't worry, I'll put a bag over my head.

That's OK, we only keep bags away from small children.....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on November 22, 2017, 07:17:12 pm
I don't do DIY for a reason. A very good reason. It's a bad idea. It's bad ideas condensed into neutron stars of stupid. But sometimes, when there's no adults around, I try. Like the radiator in the bathroom. It's stopped getting hot. I think I saw a grown-up fix such a thing. I might have imagined it. Anyway, the little valve on the bottom was stuck. So I got my trusty spanner and gave it a twist. A bit more of twist.

Anyway, anyone want a bit of broken copper cheese? Because that's evidently what it was.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on November 22, 2017, 07:44:50 pm
Are you allowed out on your own...?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on November 22, 2017, 07:54:43 pm
To be fair, I don't think it's entirely my fault, it was a teeny spanner and I'm not exactly The Hulk. I suppose it'll need a proper grown-up to come fix it and make it go hot again so I don't have to warm the bathroom by leaving the door wide open.

But generally I'm only allowed out on my if I have my badge with name and if-found-please-return-to address on it. My wife made it for me. Hold on, that's not even our address.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on November 22, 2017, 07:59:54 pm
 ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on November 23, 2017, 10:35:00 pm
Probably even more divvy, but I realised after I'd turned all the radiators off that it's on the magic bathroom circuit and hasn't been working when it's the only radiator that should be on (to dry the towels). Probably some kind of valvage.

May as well call out BG, god knows I pay them a small fortune every month. ("Yes, he does," said God, when asked about the matter earlier.)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on November 25, 2017, 11:01:56 am
Last weekend Mrs Tween asked me to fettle the hot tap in the upstairs bathroom as it wouldn't turn on more than a dribble (again). Isolation valve off, remove guts of tap, clean, spot of red grease, reassemble, open isolation valve, sorted. Apart from, naturally, the multitudinous further fiddling with the isolation valve to get the damn thing to stop weeping.

Fast forward to midweek, I'm away at work & MT informs me all the downstairs lights have gone off. She heard a loud buzzing noise from downstairs before they went off.

Thursday night arriving home I reset the breaker, checked round the house and everthing seemed fine. SET watchful_mode = True.

02:30 today odd noises downstairs.  Remove mouse from cat & put outside (the mouse, putting the cat out would invite a repeat; cat flap is in only)
03:00 more odd noises downstairs. Check location of all cats - not guilty. Wander round and observe blue flashing & bzzzt noises from the off downstairs bathroom light.  Flick breaker off & retire.

Whilt utilising the lower comode at a time approaching civilised hour observe brown stain around the prevously flashy light fitting.  I don't recall that staining, I wonder wonder if theres pipes above that spot...


Loud clang heard across south Gloustershire as Ningi sized penny drops.


Not just pipes, a basin.  A basin with a known to be leaky isolation valve* recently disturbed by me.  Carefully remove glass shade from light fitting and pour away the water therein.
For added Div points I even keep some tissue wrapped around the pipe as a tell tale, I could have known what was going on within seconds of walking in the door Thursday night. I could have asked MT to check the tissue for dampness in the week. I could have checked it myself at oh my god o'clock Monday morning.  I could have checked & fiddled with the isolation valve the required number of times to complete the job properly or even GAMI to change it.  If i only had a brane.

* Is there any other kind?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on November 25, 2017, 01:23:00 pm
In another story of plumbery from long ago, the Inlaw Paw put a bucket under the U-bend from the kitchen sink, unscrewed the plug and let the accumulated gleh & foul water out.  He then handed the bucket to his ever-loving to dispose of.  When he was back in under preparing to put the plug in again she emptied it down the sink.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on November 25, 2017, 01:24:38 pm
In another story of plumbery from long ago, the Inlaw Paw put a bucket under the U-bend from the kitchen sink, unscrewed the plug and let the accumulated gleh & foul water out.  He then handed the bucket to his ever-loving to dispose of.  When he was back in under preparing to put the plug in again she emptied it down the sink.

This is an old plumbing tradition that doesn't usually require an assistant.  I've only done it about three times (usually the washing of hands in a trap-free sink, rather than actually emptying the bucket).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: orienteer on November 30, 2017, 12:51:53 pm
Buying one item from M&S, using a self-service till with a temporary notice that only card payments could be used, no cash.

Opened my wallet to take out a payment card, another card fell out and disappeared down a narrow gap in the top of the machine. When I managed to lift the top of the scanner, an assistant rushed up to see what was going on. She opened up the machine and looked inside, but no sign of my card. Another assistant appeared, who managed to spot it by peering down from above, and lifted it using a plastic fork but couldn't get hold of it. I whipped out my penknife and managed to retrieve it.

Mutual congrats all round for teamwork  :)

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on December 05, 2017, 09:38:44 pm
Managed to coax myself out of the house this afternoon to go for a ride, despite it being flipping freezing out there. Stopped at my favourite café for a coffee and cake and was generally feeling pretty pleased with myself.

Nearly didn't make it home alive.

Basically, I failed to give way when crossing a lane. Rode straight across the path of a fast approaching van. If I'd been half a second later or he'd been half a second earlier....

Totally my own fault and a big lesson in the dangers of complacency - I've crossed that junction something in the region of a million times and that's quite possibly the very first time I've ever encountered another road user coming up the lane. Could easily have been the last too.  :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on December 05, 2017, 09:58:15 pm
Phew. Eight lives to go.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on December 05, 2017, 11:47:37 pm
Phew. Eight lives to go.

I suspect I've used up a few more over the years. Not sure how many I've got left, but I don't think I can afford to take too many more chances.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on December 06, 2017, 08:36:41 am
Glad you're still with us, ya big daftie!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on December 06, 2017, 09:02:43 am
Oof. Glad you missed each other.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on December 06, 2017, 09:57:11 pm
Every year for many, many years I have managed our (OK, Mrs Ham's) christmas card list by computer. For the past many years, I print off the last year's list for checking and amending, before printing onto labels. Using Microsoft Word, and 2x7 labels in a laser printer.

I start the process. Go to print, out of paper. Open the tray, yes, out of paper. Fill up. Still error. Open doors look for paper. None. Power down printer. Power up printer. Nope. Hmmm. Low toner light is flashing. Go through procedure to reset, including rolled trouser legs and secret handshakes. Still offline. OK. Restart everything. Nope. Printer reset, prints test page. OK, Microsoft, I'm coming for you. PoKe around settings for a while. Delete drivers. Restart. Reinstall. No, still no go. Mind you, I can now print from other programs.

Remember then, that paper size is "A4 labels" with "manual feed". That's where it will never even try to suck up a piece of paper. Change and it bursts into life. Then remember doing the same last year.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on December 06, 2017, 10:33:54 pm
 ::-)  ;D
BTDT.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on December 10, 2017, 06:57:27 pm
Spend two hours clearing 4" of snow from communal drive.

Spread rock salt.

Ah. No.  That wasn't rock salt. That was (fence) post concrete. Oh well it'll improve the durability of the shared drive.

Moral:  When storing concrete and rock salt do not put the packs in identical poly sacks.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on December 11, 2017, 08:59:24 am
Oops.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on December 11, 2017, 09:09:29 am
I very nearly did the same last winter but spotted my mistake in time. Easily done!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on December 27, 2017, 07:58:01 am
I have just one old client who depends on me to renew his web hosting every year.  This year I suggested trimming back his disk space to a smaller offer, saving him a whole 29€ for the year. He said sure. Then I went for a ride and totally forgot about it.  His site expired this morning and I had to renew it at the full price, then send him the invoice and offer to pay the difference myself. :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on December 30, 2017, 01:43:33 pm
Long ago I put an extractor fan into the Inlaw Paw's private bog and wired it into the light circuit.  We already have a big extractor up in the roof with trunks coming in from the bathroom, downstairs loo & kitchen. The one from the downstairs loo ran up through casing in the corner of his loo, so it was simple to cut into this and plumb his extractor into it.

First time he used it, the effluvium poured down the extraction trunk and filled the downstairs loo. ??? :(  The main extractor only switches on from the kitchen so of course there was no updraught.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Diver300 on January 04, 2018, 09:01:05 pm
I've just spent 10 minutes clearing a solder bridge between two adjacent pins on an integrated circuit before realising that they are connected together anyhow.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on January 05, 2018, 06:12:03 am
BTDTGTTS  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 05, 2018, 12:51:12 pm
I did exactly this with a couple of NC pins the other day.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on January 05, 2018, 01:27:05 pm
Its when you realise that you've just cleared the solder 'bridge' of the underlying track between two pins that you wonder if you should really be allowed so close to such a dangerous implement as a hot soldering iron  ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on January 06, 2018, 01:53:02 pm
I looked out of the kitchen window this morning to see my bike staring back at me, left out in the back yard overnight after yesterday's ride.

good thing rural Cambridgeshire is fairly low on petty crime.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on January 06, 2018, 02:11:13 pm
Bike theft is not "petty" crime!  :o
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on January 06, 2018, 03:52:28 pm
Bike theft is not "petty" crime!  :o

Nicking it while locked up in town, I agree. Taking advantage of my fuckwittery, I would have to share the blame

Perhaps opportunistic was a better word
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: thing1 on January 07, 2018, 02:26:58 pm
Just very-nearly blew up my USA->UK mains transformer on first time of using it (in UK).  Plugged it in without first checking the input voltage selector which was of course still set to 110V rather than 240V.
Loud Bang and a release of magic smoke and one of the house breakers tripped. Thought it was a goner, but with a bit of poking around inside the case I realized it was only the (pointless) built-in 5V USB regulator that had melted down. I disconnected it completely and powered back up and it still seems to be working fine.  Now drinking my first UK latte made using my 110V espresso machine. Close one!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 07, 2018, 04:15:33 pm
Went to Aldi on the Sunday afternoon before the start of term.   :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fimm on January 12, 2018, 01:30:48 pm
Text message exchange:
Husband to me: I've been offered a place in <blah> race (he was on the waiting list). It's the Sunday after next.
Me to him: We've got something on that day, haven't we? What is it?
Him: It's my Birthday...
 :facepalm:

Fortunately I have form in this area. He's probably quite impressed that I remembered we had "something" on.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on January 12, 2018, 02:31:33 pm
El Presidente's wife takes the opposite tack: he can't go for a ride on his birthday because she invites the family.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on January 16, 2018, 11:36:48 pm
After over a week of overcast, last night I got to play with my new eyepieces for my tellingscope. One of them is a 2" behemoth so I took the 1.25" adaptor out and inserted said behemoth. Lined up on the Orion Nebula and........ PANIC :o New EP won't focus.

Much cursing and adjusting and still nothing but a blur.  I start to remove the EP continuing to curse and fume but notice that, just as the EP leaves the scope, focus is achieved. After much head scratching I remember the 2" EP adaptor that came with the scope.....

 :facepalm: and verily   :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pcolbeck on January 23, 2018, 10:46:32 am
When adding all the ingredients to the bread maker one should really check to make sure that one has installed the mixer paddle first ...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on January 26, 2018, 01:09:23 pm
1)  I'm not new to this cycling lark.  I've ridden audaxen (even manged SR), I tour, and commute regularly.  One would expect me to be suitably equipped.  Hah!  Last night on the trip home my chain snapped.  No problem, will fix with a kwik-link, think I.  Except I had no such thing in my tool kit.  (This goes nicely with having the wrong sized tube when my rear tyre went flat last month.)

2) I walked the 2km back from whence I had come to leave my bike and hop on the Tube (closer than the closest station which would allow a bicycle).  I open up my wallet to get my Oyster card and ... no card.  I forgot to put it back into my wallet after its most recent usage.  A single ticket cost nearly double what I would have paid with the Oyster!

And that, I thought, would be it.

3) Looking at the busted chain I see it split at the kwik-link - one half of it is still there.  If I had taken a look and seen this last night I could have hunted around for the other half in hopes that it hadn't broken, but the link had somehow just come undone, thus allowing me to cycle home.

 :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 26, 2018, 01:13:44 pm
3) Looking at the busted chain I see it split at the kwik-link - one half of it is still there.  If I had taken a look and seen this last night I could have hunted around for the other half in hopes that it hadn't broken, but the link had somehow just come undone, thus allowing me to cycle home.

I've never had a chain 'break' anywhere else, and other than the most recent occasion (where it happened in the middle of a Big Scary Roundabout), I've always managed to retrieve the pingfuckit.  Obviously if you're *not* carrying a suitable replacement, your chances of finding it are greatly reduced.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on January 26, 2018, 01:58:37 pm
I carry a chain tool for this reason. In 20+ years of carrying it I've only used it once on the road, and that was for someone else.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 26, 2018, 02:17:30 pm
I carry a chain tool for this reason. In 20+ years of carrying it I've only used it once on the road, and that was for someone else.

There's a chain tool on my multi-tool.  Some genius designed it so it can only be used to break, rather than make a chain.   :facepalm:

I know that quicklinks are greatly preferred for modern chains, but bodgily joining a chain is certainly preferable to a long walk home.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on January 26, 2018, 02:19:31 pm
Remembers The Tunnels Ride.......  curls up in a ball in the corner of his office & starts moaning .... :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Polar Bear on January 26, 2018, 02:23:49 pm
Remembers The Tunnels Ride.......  curls up in a ball in the corner of his office & starts moaning .... :facepalm:

That was, erm, interesting.   :D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 26, 2018, 02:34:22 pm
Took me a moment to remember which particular one you were referring to (https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=75508.msg1584891#msg1584891).  Possibly because your repeated chain repairs (and associated loss of gear range) didn't actually impact the average speed of the ride significantly.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on January 26, 2018, 03:22:58 pm
When adding all the ingredients to the bread maker one should really check to make sure that one has installed the mixer paddle first ...
I've done that. Results in an inedible mess. I've also on one occasion added all the ingredients except... the yeast. That resulted in something actually eatable but best described as a brick of flat bread!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 26, 2018, 03:25:51 pm
The mixer paddle's been stuck in our breadmaker since a few months after we bought it.  Takes a bit of ultra-violence to make the loaf come out, but it's fine.

Forgetting the yeast is how you make dwarf bread (https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Dwarf_Bread).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on January 26, 2018, 03:48:01 pm

2) I walked the 2km back from whence I had come to leave my bike and hop on the Tube (closer than the closest station which would allow a bicycle).  I open up my wallet to get my Oyster card and ... no card.  I forgot to put it back into my wallet after its most recent usage.  A single ticket cost nearly double what I would have paid with the Oyster!
 :(
At the risk of giving egg sucking lessons, a contactless bank card can be used in lieu of an Oyster card, getting Oyster style pricing.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: cycleman on January 26, 2018, 06:08:23 pm
Took me a moment to remember which particular one you were referring to (https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=75508.msg1584891#msg1584891).  Possibly because your repeated chain repairs (and associated loss of gear range) didn't actually impact the average speed of the ride significantly.

That's because I was riding it  ;)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on January 26, 2018, 10:22:22 pm

2) I walked the 2km back from whence I had come to leave my bike and hop on the Tube (closer than the closest station which would allow a bicycle).  I open up my wallet to get my Oyster card and ... no card.  I forgot to put it back into my wallet after its most recent usage.  A single ticket cost nearly double what I would have paid with the Oyster!
 :(
At the risk of giving egg sucking lessons, a contactless bank card can be used in lieu of an Oyster card, getting Oyster style pricing.

Should I add goof that as number 2.5, or 4?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on January 30, 2018, 08:14:27 am
I just learned what happens if you forget to put the filter basket in the coffee robot.

You come down to flooded kitchen, 8 mugs of coffee having run along the gaps between tiles, under units, behind units, until the entire kitchen floor is basically coffee. I'm not sure how 8 mugs of coffee substituted for the biblical flood, but it did. I don't have a small kitchen.

So one entire jumbo kitchen roll later, one quest for the mop, I think I got most of it. I'll be finding grounds for months, I'm sure. Whatever went under the units that I couldn't soak up with a bit of newspaper will be a curious stain to speculate upon the next time the kitchen is replaced (no time soon).

I'm such an idiot. There's the filter basket sitting on the drainer.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: thing1 on January 30, 2018, 08:53:19 am
Just very-nearly blew up my USA->UK mains transformer on first time of using it (in UK).  Plugged it in without first checking the input voltage selector which was of course still set to 110V rather than 240V.
[...]. Close one!

That USA to UK transformer will be the death of me. Hooked up the usain home theater kit to check if it works ok from a transformer. In my haste I managed to plug it all into the 220v rather than 110v outlet. (the 110v is a USA only socket but the 220v has one of those multiple style sockets that accept UK, European and, damn it, USA plugs)
Happily the AV receiver has a protection circuit and just didn't power on - no damage done. The sub however sat there for a few seconds before making a deep dull "thud" and will speak no more. Thankfully it was a relatively cheap one.
Large slab of gaffer tape requisitioned to cover up that 220v outlet.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on January 30, 2018, 12:36:53 pm
I'm not sure how 8 mugs of coffee substituted for the biblical flood, but it did. I don't have a small kitchen.

It's a well known scientific fact that liquid in a container occupies considerably less physical space than spilt liquid.

Anyway, to put your eight cups into perspective, before Christmas, I had a trug containing approximately 40 litres of water* on the kitchen counter that I wanted to empty. So I tried to lift it to carry it over to the sink. And that's when I discovered that the handles weren't designed to support that kind of weight...


*actually a weak bleach solution that I'd been using to sterilise bottles for my home brew. The kitchen smelled like a swimming pool for several days afterwards.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on January 30, 2018, 12:57:04 pm
the 220v has one of those multiple style sockets that accept UK, European and, damn it, USA plugs

The type Big Clive has named "death-daptor"?  Those are good.  My favourite feature is the way they'll accept the earth pin of an appropriately rotated British plug in the live terminal.

Like many naughty things, they're sometimes useful, but best avoided first thing in the morning or without adult supervision.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on January 30, 2018, 02:03:43 pm
Driving back last night from funeral in northampton, googlemaps wanted to send me from M1 to M18. "No, i thought, I know better, I'm staying on the M1"

3miles further on, crawling through miles of roadworks, then a diversion that toook hours. what should have been a 2.5-3 hour drive took 5 hours.  Bloody idiot
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on January 30, 2018, 02:29:03 pm
Driving back last night from funeral in northampton, googlemaps wanted to send me from M1 to M18. "No, i thought, I know better, I'm staying on the M1"

3miles further on, crawling through miles of roadworks, then a diversion that toook hours. what should have been a 2.5-3 hour drive took 5 hours.  Bloody idiot
I've stopped questioning my satnav when it makes detour recommendations. I know i'm going to regret it one day, but it's done me proud over the last couple of years.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on January 30, 2018, 03:07:12 pm
Driving back last night from funeral in northampton, googlemaps wanted to send me from M1 to M18. "No, i thought, I know better, I'm staying on the M1"

3miles further on, crawling through miles of roadworks, then a diversion that toook hours. what should have been a 2.5-3 hour drive took 5 hours.  Bloody idiot
I've stopped questioning my satnav when it makes detour recommendations. I know i'm going to regret it one day, but it's done me proud over the last couple of years.

Lucky you, the last time I believed the sat nav it took me off the M25 at Leatherhead to go through Brooklands and West Byfleet back to S'dale.



Straight into the traffic that the BBC Surrey travel news had been broadcasting warnings about for the last hour.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on January 30, 2018, 04:14:24 pm
I was heading west on the M25 on Thursday afternoon, aiming for Wales. Instead of coming off the M25 to join the M4 by Heathrow, the satnav directed me onto the M3, then onto the A322 through Bracknell to join the M4 at J10. I was a bit dubious but followed its advice anyway. The A322 is a slower road, with a number of roundabouts and traffic lights to negotiate, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's genuinely quicker than dealing with the usual congestion around Heathrow.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on January 30, 2018, 07:07:02 pm
I was heading west on the M25 on Thursday afternoon, aiming for Wales. Instead of coming off the M25 to join the M4 by Heathrow, the satnav directed me onto the M3, then onto the A322 through Bracknell to join the M4 at J10. I was a bit dubious but followed its advice anyway. The A322 is a slower road, with a number of roundabouts and traffic lights to negotiate, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's genuinely quicker than dealing with the usual congestion around Heathrow.
That's part of the route I've been using to / from Kent these 20+ years.  Every now and again you'll come a cropper with roadworks and Bracknell is best avoided at rush hour, but otherwise journey times over that leg are pretty predictable and avoiding the Heathrow corner has saved me no end of time over the years.

The other alternative when you can't even get to the M3 junction (when heading "west") is to come off at the A3 and go north about round Woking via Chobham back up to the A322.  Not fast, but still a bloody sight faster than sitting still on the outer London Orbital Car Park and you can always stop at a pub for lunch if the trip gets prolonged.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on January 30, 2018, 07:28:18 pm
Hmmm. Interesting, thanks.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: nicknack on January 31, 2018, 10:03:28 am
I was heading west on the M25 on Thursday afternoon, aiming for Wales. Instead of coming off the M25 to join the M4 by Heathrow, the satnav directed me onto the M3, then onto the A322 through Bracknell to join the M4 at J10. I was a bit dubious but followed its advice anyway. The A322 is a slower road, with a number of roundabouts and traffic lights to negotiate, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's genuinely quicker than dealing with the usual congestion around Heathrow.
That's part of the route I've been using to / from Kent these 20+ years.  Every now and again you'll come a cropper with roadworks and Bracknell is best avoided at rush hour, but otherwise journey times over that leg are pretty predictable and avoiding the Heathrow corner has saved me no end of time over the years.

The other alternative when you can't even get to the M3 junction (when heading "west") is to come off at the A3 and go north about round Woking via Chobham back up to the A322.  Not fast, but still a bloody sight faster than sitting still on the outer London Orbital Car Park and you can always stop at a pub for lunch if the trip gets prolonged.
Yup. Me too.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on January 31, 2018, 10:44:47 am
With much grunting, straining, heaving and complaining and the nifty wee pushers & screwdrivers out of my watch maintenance kit (bought when I was given a Vostock Scuba, the Lada of watches) I removed a link from the Inlaw Paw's Seiko bracelet so that Mrs. T42 can wear it (she likes 'em practical).

Then realized that aforesaid kit includes a pin-driving gadget akin to a chainsplitter. :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Thing2 on January 31, 2018, 11:42:43 am
Just very-nearly blew up my USA->UK mains transformer on first time of using it (in UK).  Plugged it in without first checking the input voltage selector which was of course still set to 110V rather than 240V.
[...]. Close one!

That USA to UK transformer will be the death of me. Hooked up the usain home theater kit to check if it works ok from a transformer. In my haste I managed to plug it all into the 220v rather than 110v outlet. (the 110v is a USA only socket but the 220v has one of those multiple style sockets that accept UK, European and, damn it, USA plugs)
Happily the AV receiver has a protection circuit and just didn't power on - no damage done. The sub however sat there for a few seconds before making a deep dull "thud" and will speak no more. Thankfully it was a relatively cheap one.
Large slab of gaffer tape requisitioned to cover up that 220v outlet.

Yesterday, it was my turn. I thought that the Makita battery charger handled 240V. On closer inspection it says 110V 240W and we need a new one..........
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: thing1 on February 01, 2018, 09:21:59 am
We've released enough magic smoke this week to summon a small army of genies.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Si S on February 02, 2018, 08:32:06 am
When fettling cable disc brakes it does help if you actually look if there's any pad left as opposed to just twiddling all the movement out of the lever, otherwise you run out of stop a few days later  ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on February 02, 2018, 04:09:25 pm
No backbone, some people.

You're not proper hardcore until you've gone thru the pad, backplate and the bike's stopping using the remains of the piston...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on February 02, 2018, 04:14:42 pm
...and then, of course, you go on to rant about how expensive it is to mend bikes.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on February 03, 2018, 05:30:08 pm
About 30k from the end of today's ride, I decided it was time to turn the lights on.

Back lights - fine.
Front lights - no workee.

What's the problem?
The batteries are still in the charger at home...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Si S on February 04, 2018, 07:28:15 am
...and then, of course, you go on to rant about how expensive it is to mend bikes.

 ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on February 04, 2018, 08:13:50 am
About 30k from the end of today's ride, I decided it was time to turn the lights on.

Back lights - fine.
Front lights - no workee.

What's the problem?
The batteries are still in the charger at home...

Hmm, had something similar happen to me just before Christmas, but in my case the freshly charged battery pack was duly strapped to the bike, but when I turned it on - kaput, nothing.  Small blinky light only, at least I had that.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on February 04, 2018, 07:33:01 pm
There is a good reason why you should turn sossidges over at half-time when oven-cooking them.

Still, my jaw muscles got a good workout :-\
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on February 05, 2018, 09:27:39 am
There is a good reason why you should turn sossidges over at half-time when oven-cooking them.

Still, my jaw muscles got a good workout :-\
Was that 40 minutes a side or 45?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on February 05, 2018, 07:08:17 pm
Either I'm a TOTAL feckin' div or there's something wrong with the oven.  Because the mash on top of tonight's shepherd's pie came out resembling a terracotta roof tile >:(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on February 05, 2018, 07:23:26 pm
You forgot to use a fork to create the furrows before putting it in the oven?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on February 06, 2018, 10:38:23 am
Either I'm a TOTAL feckin' div or there's something wrong with the oven.  Because the mash on top of tonight's shepherd's pie came out resembling a terracotta roof tile >:(

Ah, you didn't turn it over at half-time..................
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 06, 2018, 10:59:52 am
Either I'm a TOTAL feckin' div or there's something wrong with the oven.  Because the mash on top of tonight's shepherd's pie came out resembling a terracotta roof tile >:(

Did you put it on the grill setting rather than the oven setting?

My wife did that last week when she was making pies. Tops were nicely cooked but the bottom was soggy raw pastry.  :sick:

Our oven is shite anyway - if you want to cook anything above 200ºC, you have to put it on at least an hour in advance for it to have any chance of getting up to temperature.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on February 06, 2018, 12:43:53 pm
I did once do "grill" rather than "convection" and the resultant choking clouds of fish-flavoured smoke were a thing to bring tears of joy to the eyes of the EPA's Scott Pruitt, but I'm pretty sure I didn't this time.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on February 06, 2018, 01:02:16 pm
Not the former Indycar driver Scott Pruett, though?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on February 06, 2018, 01:57:28 pm
I expect the racing motor-ist wishes the other one would ["Go away" - Ed.] on a daily basis.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on February 09, 2018, 09:23:57 am
Dear Brane.

Plz to be remembering  that you have sharpened those scissors, kthxbai.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on February 09, 2018, 02:43:22 pm
Had an early flight to Southampton this morning so set off down the A34, at Newbury I took the exit to the M4 and headed for Heathrow....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on February 09, 2018, 04:33:14 pm
We have a new oven. I have attempted to cook jacket potatoes on defrost setting.
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on February 12, 2018, 04:20:40 pm
I just spent twenty minutes trying to figure out how manage to spend so much money in Jamaica earlier this year, since I have no recall of going there, yet seem to have three receipts in the expense machine that Amex says are from 'Jamaica.'

It only just hit me that it's Jamaica in Queens, NYC.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on February 12, 2018, 04:30:00 pm
We have a new oven. I have attempted to cook jacket potatoes on defrost setting.
(click to show/hide)
Keep trying. You are getting warmer
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on February 13, 2018, 12:41:23 pm
Had an early flight to Southampton this morning so set off down the A34, at Newbury I took the exit to the M4 and headed for Heathrow....

Do you mean from Southampton  ???
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on February 13, 2018, 09:50:01 pm
I wonder who could have gone to Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles today, corralled a herd of wild groceries and then discovered he'd left his wallet at home?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on February 13, 2018, 11:27:49 pm
I wonder who could have gone to Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles today, corralled a herd of wild groceries and then discovered he'd left his wallet at home?
that is why the have a portal on the inter web. It allows one to sit in ones Lycra undies with ones wallet in easy reach whilst young things scurry about the aisles corralling the wild groceries on ones behalf. It is wise to remember to be correctly attired when one of the young things arrives in a box van with said toothy comestibles intent on depositing them upon ones doorstep.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on February 13, 2018, 11:39:21 pm
I have received said comestibles from Mr Avocado dressed very scantily (shorts that have seen much better days, and are mostly hole) without so much as a raised eyebrow.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on February 14, 2018, 08:27:51 am
I wonder who could have gone to Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles today, corralled a herd of wild groceries and then discovered he'd left his wallet at home?

Can also occur at Son of Morris' house of ingestible products :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on February 14, 2018, 09:19:37 am
My paterfamilias once met the son of Morris when he was working as a salesmen for Walls Ice Cream. Father's opinion of the son of Morris was not favourable, indeed he thought the man was a boorish oaf. Now given father's general intolerance of most things that had the temerity to disagree with him and given that the Son of Morris even then was the head of a supermarket chain, I suspect the truth lies somewhere between boorish oaf and dismissive busyman.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 14, 2018, 09:28:25 am
I wonder who could have gone to Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles today, corralled a herd of wild groceries and then discovered he'd left his wallet at home?

Can also occur at Son of Morris' house of ingestible products :facepalm:

Also at Mr Cohen's grocery superstore. More than once.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on February 14, 2018, 05:37:28 pm
Yep I did that at Mr Cohen's store this afternoon, but as it's 1 min from home I secreted my basket and was able to get home, payment method and back again before anyone moved my basket :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on February 14, 2018, 05:48:25 pm
Happens regularly enough that they're likely to be fine with basket-sitting for a short period.  I remember someone in front of the queue at Sainsbury's discovering they were walletless after a whole trolley full had gone through the checkout.  They were able to park the trolley out of the way, and fudge the transaction so they could come back and pay at the customer services desk without putting everything through the till again, which seemed eminently sensible.

There's a not-uncommon Aldi/Lidl variant where someone discovers they don't take credit cards, and has to duck out to the cash machine.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on February 14, 2018, 05:59:43 pm
Took Mrs B out for a meal before she was Mrs B (we were 'walking out' at the time).

At the end of the evening - No wallet!  :facepalm:   :-[

Luckily, she had her rent money in cash on her.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 15, 2018, 02:29:23 pm
My brother very kindly gave me tickets to Suggs' one-man show for Christmas. Great! I was really looking forward to it, and noticing the tickets stuck to the side of the fridge this afternoon, thought I'd better check the date and put it in my calendar so I don't forget...

Saturday 10th February

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on February 15, 2018, 02:35:09 pm
My brother very kindly gave me tickets to Suggs' one-man show for Christmas. Great! I was really looking forward to it, and noticing the tickets stuck to the side of the fridge this afternoon, thought I'd better check the date and put it in my calendar so I don't forget...

Saturday 10th February

 :facepalm:

A Gomez moment  :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on February 15, 2018, 05:29:46 pm
Nobody would be so stupid as to pack there carry on case complete with day bag inside (and passport safely inside that) fasten up the zips and then click the zippers in the lock without first checking that it a) wasn’t locked and b) they could remember the code. Would they?  :facepalm:
Fortunately the lock was weak enough to jemey open with a house key, because none of us had our usual everyday carry multi tools with us as we were flying with caning baggage only.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: jsabine on February 15, 2018, 06:22:47 pm
we were flying with caning baggage only.

I guess they've seen it all before, so no raised eyebrows at the security check.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on February 15, 2018, 07:38:04 pm
My brother very kindly gave me tickets to Suggs' one-man show for Christmas. Great! I was really looking forward to it, and noticing the tickets stuck to the side of the fridge this afternoon, thought I'd better check the date and put it in my calendar so I don't forget...

Saturday 10th February

 :facepalm:

A Gomez moment  :-[

I remember it well. Made the mistake of telling my grate mate Steve and he made me some fake ones as a piss take.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on February 16, 2018, 07:06:19 pm
Right, oven testing to determine the divviness of one or other of us.  Tonight's special is either cod in breadcrumbs or charcoal.

Edit:

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on February 16, 2018, 10:08:18 pm
Are you going to have to put a big sticker or a marker pen star next to the oven symbol?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on February 17, 2018, 12:59:14 pm
Better to put gaffer tape over the "Grill" button coz I've only ever used it by accident.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on February 17, 2018, 05:46:31 pm
Better to put gaffer tape over the "Grill" button coz I've only ever used it by accident.
:thumbsup: 8)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Canardly on February 18, 2018, 11:14:41 am
So nursed a coffee for half an hour and no one turned up for the ride.

The scheduled ride is next week....Doh, senility beckons.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on February 18, 2018, 11:47:54 am
Don't worry.  I once reserved lunch for 46 cyclists in an event that happened the week after, and forgot to warn the restaurant in time to cancel.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on February 18, 2018, 10:45:40 pm
On the ride to the start of today's audax, I change up and the chain slips furiously.
WTF?

Inspection shows that the cassette has been incorrectly re-assembled after being taken off for cleaning.
2 of the sprockets are directly against each other, without the spacer between them.
The spacer has been put between 2 of the smaller sprockets which dont need one.

This rendered a bunch of my gears un-useable in one way or another, including all the ones I needed.

I suspect the bike mechanic may have enjoyed a glass or two of grog that day.
I shaĺl need to have words.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on February 18, 2018, 11:13:13 pm
That's what you get for cleaning stuff.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on February 18, 2018, 11:23:56 pm
A picture at the railway station at Eidsvoll, just one stop away from Oslo airport.

(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4714/39312263335_2a6fcc7817_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/22TTCgH)
IMG_0388_01 (https://flic.kr/p/22TTCgH) by The Pingus (https://www.flickr.com/photos/the_pingus/), on Flickr

 In the wrong frikkin' direction :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on February 19, 2018, 07:47:48 am
So flip it in Photoshop and nobody will know.
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 19, 2018, 08:50:09 am
That's what you get for cleaning stuff.

ITYM that’s what you get for letting other people clean your stuff.
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Feanor on February 19, 2018, 09:16:05 am
That's what you get for cleaning stuff.

ITYM that’s what you get for letting other people clean your stuff.

It was me wot dun it!
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 19, 2018, 09:35:17 am
That's what you get for cleaning stuff.

ITYM that’s what you get for letting other people clean your stuff.

It was me wot dun it!

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: LittleWheelsandBig on February 19, 2018, 09:59:09 am
Definitely a good idea to fire the mechanic then.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on February 22, 2018, 01:33:33 pm
I will (one day) measure the chain before I clean it.

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on February 22, 2018, 01:58:26 pm
I will (one day) measure the chain before I clean it.

 :facepalm:

Did it shrink in the wash?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on March 04, 2018, 08:59:26 pm
Over the past month I've made new nacelles in GRP for a radio controlled twin engined model aeroplane I built a few years ago, and am now building a new wing for it.  The previous wing had nacelles made of balsa and ply and were now a bit tatty.

Making the nacelles, which are about 300mm long, 100 mm wide and 80mm deep, necessitated making a balsa wood plug to the exact shape that I needed the nacelles to be, then using the plug to make GRP moulds.  I then made the two nacelles, each one in upper and lower halves, in the moulds with a layer of gelcoat and two layers of glass cloth and epoxy resin.  They take a few days to harden sufficiently to retain their shape. 

Fitting them is difficult as they need to be cut and shaped to fit to the wing cross sectional shape, and accomodate the engine and the propeller driver boss at the front.  There are lots of lines and angles to get right.  Anyway, shaped and fitted three of the four halves over a period of a week or so, taking my time to avoid mistakes.  Then marked up the fourth and final half ready to cut. 

As usual, I measured several times, from various baselines, marked the line of the cut with 25mm wide masking tape and cut (once) the part along the edge of the tape with a cutting disc in my Dremel.

Along the wrong side of the tape.

I've just finished laminating up a new nacelle half.

Rats.

Bet TheLurker OTP wouldn't have made the same mistake.....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on March 04, 2018, 09:04:34 pm
I've been away in That London for a week, and left the commuter bike a bit wet, dirty and sorry for itself.
So this evening, I gave it a quick clean-up for next week.

I managed to repeat my previous cassette fuck-up with 100% accuracy.
WFT is going on?

At least I spotted it this time as I was checking out the indexing.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on March 04, 2018, 09:27:43 pm
I've been away in That London for a week, and left the commuter bike a bit wet, dirty and sorry for itself.
So this evening, I gave it a quick clean-up for next week.

I managed to repeat my previous cassette fuck-up with 100% accuracy.
WFT is going on?

At least I spotted it this time as I was checking out the indexing.


It's nature's way of telling you to stop cleaning your cassette so assiduously....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on March 05, 2018, 03:20:28 am
Or to go single-speed.
Title: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TigaSefi on March 05, 2018, 08:45:32 am
I've been away in That London for a week, and left the commuter bike a bit wet, dirty and sorry for itself.
So this evening, I gave it a quick clean-up for next week.

I managed to repeat my previous cassette fuck-up with 100% accuracy.
WFT is going on?

At least I spotted it this time as I was checking out the indexing.


It's nature's way of telling you to stop cleaning your cassette so assiduously....

To be fair, salt, snow and brine demands that the chain and cassette should be cleaned ASAP.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 05, 2018, 09:46:34 am
all my bikes got cleaned at the weekend, once the hose had unfroze
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on March 05, 2018, 07:51:31 pm
Quote from: andytheflyer
....Along the wrong side of the tape.
Ouch, ouch, ouch.  On the bright side at least you hadn't fitted it and _then_ cut it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on March 05, 2018, 08:50:41 pm
Quote from: andytheflyer
....Along the wrong side of the tape.
Ouch, ouch, ouch.  On the bright side at least you hadn't fitted it and _then_ cut it.

Yup.  We live and learn.  Apparently.  I never do anything late in the day that can't easily be undone, nor after a GnT.  This was mid afternoon and I can only blame total incompetence.

The new cowling should be nicely cured by tomorrow am, so I can get on.

FWIW, I reckon the solution to your rubber band winding apparatus conundrum is an Irvine 25.............
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on March 05, 2018, 10:13:45 pm
When I was re-mantling the drivetrain after yesterday's modestly embarrassing clean-up,
I put some lube on each half of the quick link, and then attempted to make it up with frozen cold oily hands.
After some minutes of ineffectual adolescent fumbling, the chain sprung apart under the tension of the rear mech, and sent one half of the quick link into space, never to be seen again.

Just as well that I mis-understood the pack size when ordering, and have a shed-load of quick links...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 05, 2018, 10:25:57 pm
I thought I'd lost a quick link the other day when dismantling a bike, luckily found it on the floor of the bikeshed
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on March 07, 2018, 02:23:28 pm
I've got a little lump just inside my left ear which won't go away.    I've been meaning to get it looked at for ages....

Earlier today I noticed crusted blood on the outside of my ear.... oh shit, time to make an appointment with the GP.

An hour or so later I recalled nicking the edge of that ear with my razor, that's where the blood is from, phew.   
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 07, 2018, 02:41:18 pm
I've got a little lump just inside my left ear which won't go away.    I've been meaning to get it looked at for ages....

Earlier today I noticed crusted blood on the outside of my ear.... oh shit, time to make an appointment with the GP.

An hour or so later I recalled nicking the edge of that ear with my razor, that's where the blood is from, phew.

Grow a beard, problem solved
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 07, 2018, 05:11:48 pm
Put a sheaf of papers through the photocopier the wrong way up.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on March 08, 2018, 05:36:52 pm
Just got the remains of the bearings out of a Fulcrum freehub. The inner race was a bastard to shift.

Hate it when they do that

Until I discovered a very sorry and mangled circlip.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

oh
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on March 09, 2018, 11:23:37 pm
 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on March 10, 2018, 08:01:10 pm
On Saturdays breakfast at my hotel is served late and the cafe over the road from work is shut so....
Remembered yesterday to nick a second breakfast and stash it in my room (fail count this year =3)
Remembered to ensure I had milk in the mini fridge for use with nicked breakfast (fail count =1)
Had breakfast today  :thumbsup:
Remembered yesterday to purchase a lunch and stash it in the mini fridge (fail count =2)
Remembered to get lunch out of fridge this morning (fail count =2)
Returned to hotel at lunch time to retrieve warm and dry cornered sandwiches  :facepalm:

I've managed to get the Friday / Saturday routine correct just twice of the 8 weekends I've been here this year. How can it be so hard?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on March 10, 2018, 08:10:20 pm
When picking up the yoghurt pot lid that you've been using as a "glue pot" for superglue make very sure you _don't_ put your thumb on a bit where there's still a tiny bit of CA. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: clarion on March 12, 2018, 11:16:42 am
Related:  When mending crockery, stick the chip to the original item, not one's thumb. :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jayjay on March 12, 2018, 10:31:42 pm
Try not to kneel on the Araldite hardener tube. It takes quite a bit of getting out of one's jeans, and leaves one with an annoyingly useless tube of the adhesive.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on March 12, 2018, 10:52:51 pm
Probably marginally preferable to epoxying your knee to the floor, thobut...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on March 18, 2018, 09:30:49 am
Top of yesterday's shopping list: loo rolls. I remember putting them in the trolley, I remember not putting them in the car.
Snowpocalypse 2 may make that a much regretted moment of div.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 18, 2018, 10:43:11 am
Been putting off changing the gear cables on the wee MBK I use on the turbo because I detest re-taping handlebars. Anyway, I haven't got any new HB tape & it's not worth a trip into town or paying postage on just one item... excuses piled up.

It hit me last night: it's 3x9 Tiagra, Y2K vintage.  The gear cables don't go under the tape.

But it's damnably cold in the workshop...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on March 20, 2018, 07:48:31 am
I dropped Dr Beardy (Mrs) off at work and went on to work myself. Got to the gatehouse and couldn’t find my pass card in any of my pockets, and I couldn’t remember picking it up this morning. So after a bit of muttering I decided I’d come home and work from there today.

I got home and realised that I’ve not got my laptop in my bag, so I’m going to have have to go into the office after all.  More muttering ensues. It’s only 4 miles to work though, so not a major issues. I then spend the next 15 minutes looking for my pass card (and the key to the draw my laptop lives in), emptying my bag and generally creating chaos. I can’t find it there. I go through my pockets again, nope I wasn’t being stupid, it’s not there. I have another look in my work bag, nope not there either. Some muttering about Dr Beardy (Mrs)'s tidying habits may have been involved

By this time I’m getting a bit hot under the collar, so I unzip my hood. Oh, look what’s hanging around my neck.  :facepalm:

I’m having a cup of tea before I go anywhere!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 24, 2018, 07:38:49 pm
Guess who found their spare Garmin quarter-turn mount that they'd been looking for for a fortnight, two days after the replacement arrived  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on March 24, 2018, 08:08:54 pm
Guess who found their spare Garmin quarter-turn mount that they'd been looking for for a fortnight, two days after the replacement arrived  :facepalm:
Can't be me cause I found my polarised filter about two hours after the replacement arrived ... doh!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 25, 2018, 09:18:33 am
Yebbut now you have two you can use them crossed with various stuff in between.  If the stuff - e.g. mineral crystals etc. - is itself polarizing you get kewl effects.

Unless, of course, you have circular polarizers.  And they mostly are for digital. Hum...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 26, 2018, 08:25:59 am
Going for a ride yesterday, found myself heading down the front steps with a bottle of milk in my hand instead of the bidon I left in the fridge a few days back.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on March 26, 2018, 08:40:16 am
Last minute dash to Cambridge yesterday by train to view rooms-to-let.

Forgot to check the routing. Nose in a book studying. Change at Peterborough, check. Zoom through Ely. Should be getting to Cambridge soon. Hang on, Bury, why is this train stopping at Bury.
Oh, sh!t, this is one of the ones where I needed to change at Ely.

Bloody idiot. Bloody expensive taxi from Bury to Cambridge (actually relatively cheap for the distance).

On the plus side, I found somewhere, and they liked me enough that they knocked £50 per month off the asking price for the rent. Must be my boyish charm or good looks. Or maybe they just felt sorry for me, like you do for a battered stray cat.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on March 26, 2018, 08:05:50 pm
Good news MrC.  New job and decent digs. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on March 28, 2018, 07:54:28 am
Puts hand up.... that would be me then.

On Sunday I went off to do the Cheshire Cat Sportive around the potholes of Crewe and East Cheshire promising to phone CBH at 11am to tell her how I was getting on and then at 1pm, my estimated finishing time. This I failed to do miserably as I left my mobile phone at home.  :facepalm: I received quite a stern telling off from her once I had found a working phone box.

Of course, having a brain the size of a planet, I wouldn't do that again now would I.....

Forward to yesterday....the car went in for its annual "lets remove some money from the sucker" test which resulted in me having to cycle into town during the end of the "rush hour" (No idea why they call it that as it took me 30 minutes to drive the same 2 mile route yesterday morning as I cycled in 8 minutes in the evening). Anyway, my passing words to CBH was: "the cars ready, so I would only be 30 minutes...."

I am getting there....honest. So, I turn up at the garage to find that the car is not ready despite them phoning me to say it was, meaning that I was hanging around in their waiting room for over 90 minutes  :facepalm:  No issues....just phone CBH to say you will be late.

I will leave you to work out the rest. When I did get home, CBH was in floods of tears as she thought something nasty had happened to me.

So, for making my wife cry, I nominate myself as a "Fecking Div" and are now looking to have a mobile phone implanted somewhere where I can't lose it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on March 28, 2018, 08:11:48 am
A mile into my cold, wet commute and I realised why I felt "wrong". I hadn't picked my bag up :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on March 28, 2018, 09:53:11 am
Completely sunburned my head making a snowwoman (I'm completely on top of diversity). In retrospect, some aspects of my sculpting might have looked suspect. I also made a snowcat.

Anyway, it all peeled off in a festival of unparalleledly flaky grossness.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on March 28, 2018, 11:09:31 am
That sounds UNtidy.  How can you dispense Leading Thoughts if your head is coming apart?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on March 28, 2018, 11:24:28 am
That sounds UNtidy.  How can you dispense Leading Thoughts if your head is coming apart?

Indeed. Fortunately, I scrubbed all the peeling skin off in the bath last night and my head is tidy and ready to dispense leadership again.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on March 31, 2018, 11:33:35 pm
That sounds UNtidy.  How can you dispense Leading Thoughts if your head is coming apart?

Indeed. Fortunately, I scrubbed all the peeling skin off in the bath last night and my head is tidy and ready to dispense leadership again.

Like Rab C Nesbitt in Spain?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on April 01, 2018, 11:34:23 am
Got up at 2am this morning for one of my many nighttime visits to the loo and discovered the front door open.... :o

So of course I turned on the security lights and had a look outside to ensure the garage was still locked and the car still there. I then wandered around the house to check that before going back to bed upon finding nothing wrong.

Two minutes later there was loud banging on the door and some rude words issuing forth from a female....well CBH.

It seems she had popped out to stop a cat fight and I had locked her out.... :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mcshroom on April 01, 2018, 01:22:15 pm
I cycled to church last night. Then immediately cycled home. Then cycled to church again, this time with my large messenger bag containing all the hymn sheets and the computer to play all the music for the mass.

At least I left enough time to go back for it (just).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SteveC on April 02, 2018, 05:14:10 pm
You'd think by now I'd be able to tell the time.
We are having tea an hour earlier than planned.
MrsC is not amused.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Diver300 on April 06, 2018, 10:58:55 pm
I've just spent 10 minutes clearing a solder bridge between two adjacent pins on an integrated circuit before realising that they are connected together anyhow.
It could be that the writing of this previous post has slightly reduced my tendency to such divviness, by making me remember possible stupidity traps. I was about to start clearing a solder bridge today when I checked the layout and found that the two pins are connected, so I was able to leave well alone. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rower40 on April 07, 2018, 06:30:01 pm
I've just spent 10 minutes clearing a solder bridge between two adjacent pins on an integrated circuit before realising that they are connected together anyhow.
It could be that the writing of this previous post has slightly reduced my tendency to such divviness, by making me remember possible stupidity traps. I was about to start clearing a solder bridge today when I checked the layout and found that the two pins are connected, so I was able to leave well alone.
Learning from your own mistakes is great.  Learning from other people's is much more fun.
Seeing a thread on here, learning from it, then realising "I wrote that!" is somewhere in between...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on April 07, 2018, 09:46:47 pm
I've just realised that in clearing my Mum's house we gave away my Dad's golf clubs. In itself not a problem as a set of 50-some year old irons & woods is no great loss.

But his Ping putter, one of the originals . . .

FUCK!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on April 09, 2018, 06:49:04 pm
Cough inhaling wheeze bark peanuts cough is not cough recommended  >:(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on April 09, 2018, 07:28:58 pm
My medicule training tells me inhaled peanuts can be NARSTY cos Harmful Oils.

Hope you've coughed this bugger up properly!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on April 10, 2018, 08:04:42 am
Added a set of crosstop levers to the fixed. Before connecting up the cables, I took it for a test ride to check I was happy with the position of the levers.

When I later came to connect up the cables, I discovered that the cable clamp bolts, both front and rear, had worked themselves loose and fallen out somewhere during my test ride...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: JonJo on April 10, 2018, 03:42:27 pm
Phoned surgery to complain that the doctor has failed to keep a telephone appt for the third time. Receptionist suggests she phones back to check she can get through as I may have call blocking activated. I give her rather a dusty reply then huffily hang up. Seconds later my phone lights up with a call that's been diverted straight to voicemail. It is, of course, from the surgery.  :facepalm:

Call blocking eh? That's a handy feature I didn't even know existed (except I must have, otherwise how did it get turned on?).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on April 10, 2018, 03:46:42 pm
I think some phones have phone blocking as well as some telco 'features'.

Better check my 1572...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Vince on April 13, 2018, 04:41:12 pm
I booked my car in for its MOT. 15 minutes after I get home, the garage calls.
"Your car isn't due to be MOT'd until the end of next month. Come and collect it please."
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on April 14, 2018, 06:29:36 am
Last year I bought 3 travel padlocks for securing luggage. 4 digit combination locks.


Can’t remember what I set them to & the one on this overnight bag is shut  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on April 14, 2018, 08:44:13 am
Oh well. It's only 10,000 possibilities...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on April 14, 2018, 10:04:50 am
9998, assuming it's not 0000 or 1234.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on April 14, 2018, 10:07:17 am
1111?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on April 14, 2018, 10:15:26 am
Last year I bought 3 travel padlocks for securing luggage. 4 digit combination locks.


Can’t remember what I set them to & the one on this overnight bag is shut  :facepalm:

I bought a cheap combination bike lock a few years back and was randomly fiddling with it. I had unwittingly set it to a random number and locked it.

I was surprised how quickly I found the correct number - it was only about 20 minutes. Mind you, I had selected something beginning with 1. That cut it down a bit.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on April 14, 2018, 10:18:45 am
None of the usual combinations of birthdays or phone numbers work. Of course it’s something so simple & unforgettable I’ve not written it down  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on April 14, 2018, 11:16:20 am
1984?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on April 14, 2018, 11:34:48 am
Have you tried the PIN for you ATM bank card?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on April 14, 2018, 02:36:33 pm
Ten point to Helly for not suggesting the PIN number for andrewc's ATM machine card :demon:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on April 14, 2018, 07:53:32 pm
Ob-Spaceballs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KMNFNk_hvQ
https://youtu.be/3KMNFNk_hvQ?t=40s
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on April 19, 2018, 09:30:56 pm
As mentioned in other threads, I bought a pair of new calipers for my BB7 discs which arrived today so this evening I decided to swap over the rear one which is the knackered one.
So I hoofed off the old caliper, bunged on the new, only to find that once I'd got the thing bolted to the frame I couldn't do the other nuts up and the disc was jammed in the slot.

Fuuuuuck! I thought.  I've never gone and bought for the wrong disc size, have I? I was sure I'd done it all correct.
I sat for a bit comparing the size and design of the old caliper with the 2nd new one. Nope, they are exactly the same size, what the hell is going on?
Well, bugger, I'll just have to put the old one back on if I want to ride to work tomorrow.
I unbolt the new one and then finally realise my mistake. I've put the front caliper on the rear and I couldn't see why it was wrong because I was comparing the old caliper with the remaining new one, which was of course the correct one! Once I put it on...

What a nugget.  :facepalm:  :-[

Still, at least I got to do it all sitting in the sun.  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on April 19, 2018, 09:39:08 pm
It's been a long day!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Peat on April 20, 2018, 11:12:56 am
Mending a door handle using box of old parts. I needed to cut the bar, that joins the two handles together, to fit.

Have it in the vice, attacking it with the junior hacksaw. It required a fair amount of welly, must have been hardened steel or something, getting about 80% through and thought "This'll give any second n........" BLAM! Final bit sheers, sending my ungloved thumb directly into the freshy cut, hot metal stub.

My testes receded into my body, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. i inspected the wound. Deep, grey wound. "Oh, it's not even bleedi........" Wave of pain, profuse bleeding ensues. I went through several dressings before it started to gum up giving me ample time to think "I'm such a fecking div!"
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rogerzilla on April 20, 2018, 07:59:54 pm
I managed to run myself over with the car.  I can attest to the perfect F/R weight distribution of an MX-5, since it definitely felt like 275kg on my (slippered) foot.  This isn't the first time, either.  I don't recomnend it but it doesn't seem to do any damage.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on April 21, 2018, 01:19:37 am
You've been auditioning for Monty Python's 'Upper Class Twit of the Year'!  :o :o :o
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on April 21, 2018, 09:23:19 am
You've been auditioning for Monty Python's 'Upper Class Twit of the Year'!  :o :o :o

Though now he could probably qualify for a job at the Ministry of Silly Walks.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on April 21, 2018, 10:55:41 am
When packing to return home from Italy in a concious effort to distribute the weight as my hold bag was likely to be overweight I put 4 full size bottles of bathroom liquids in my carry on.  Two were unopened.  Cue looking like that idiot at the scanners.  It's not like I was even in a total trance or drunk, several other items I was careful to put in the hold bag mindful of exactly the same rule set.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on April 23, 2018, 08:30:45 am
Mending a door handle using box of old parts. I needed to cut the bar, that joins the two handles together, to fit.

Have it in the vice, attacking it with the junior hacksaw. It required a fair amount of welly, must have been hardened steel or something, getting about 80% through and thought "This'll give any second n........" BLAM! Final bit sheers, sending my ungloved thumb directly into the freshy cut, hot metal stub.

My testes receded into my body, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. i inspected the wound. Deep, grey wound. "Oh, it's not even bleedi........" Wave of pain, profuse bleeding ensues. I went through several dressings before it started to gum up giving me ample time to think "I'm such a fecking div!"

Ouch, mend soon!  I got that feeling when I had a contretemps with my hedge-cutters a while back...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on April 23, 2018, 09:54:12 am
I'd designed the steelwork for one of our major projects on the basis of the floors being precast hollowcore concrete 'plank' units.  Turns out I was wrong to assume that; the architect wanted a composite floor, which significantly changes the structure.  Oh well, it's only a couple of days' work down the swanny...  >:(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Si S on April 25, 2018, 08:35:03 am
On the way out the door this morning, glanced at the table and thought 'What's that pile of clothes?', figured it out when I got out the shower at work  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on April 25, 2018, 08:36:48 am
Sorry Si that is a brilliant bit of Div'ing :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Riggers on April 25, 2018, 09:00:12 am
On the way out the door this morning, glanced at the table and thought 'What's that pile of clothes?', figured it out when I got out the shower at work  :facepalm:


Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!   ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on April 25, 2018, 09:24:42 am
In Brussels Monday. Computer running low. Reach in bag for adaptor, take out adaptor. Note the missing euro-noggin. Which is on my desk at home. Sigh. Decide to charge my phone instead. Reach in bag, take out adaptor. Note UK plug. Sigh. Decide to go to bed. Reach in bag for PJs. You know the story. At least I remembered pants. You have no idea how expensive pants are at the airport. I don't want designer pants, I tell them. They smile wistfully. It's that or commando and they know it. Honestly, I once spent over a hundred quid on a week's worth of underpants.

Good job it was just an overnighter.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on April 25, 2018, 01:56:30 pm
Yeah. I spent an awkward week in Eindhoven once after finding out that the bayonet adaptor for my electric razor wouldn't fit Edison screw Dutch light sockets. One of the first Europeans to wear an Arafat stubble, I reckon.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on April 26, 2018, 07:38:13 am
In Brussels Monday. Computer running low. Reach in bag for adaptor, take out adaptor. Note the missing euro-noggin. Which is on my desk at home. Sigh. Decide to charge my phone instead. Reach in bag, take out adaptor. Note UK plug. Sigh. Decide to go to bed. Reach in bag for PJs. You know the story. At least I remembered pants. You have no idea how expensive pants are at the airport. I don't want designer pants, I tell them. They smile wistfully. It's that or commando and they know it. Honestly, I once spent over a hundred quid on a week's worth of underpants.

Good job it was just an overnighter.

Top tip: lots of stuff including i-thingies have hidden IEC C7 sockets (figure of 8 mains leads) requiring that you somehow slide out the UK plug to discover. Then, it is simply a matter of purloining one from the back of the TV or wherever. (note: in i-thingy case this works with the larger ones such as laptop adapters, not the basic built-into-the-plug iphone ones)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on April 26, 2018, 07:47:25 am
or ask the hotel staff, they've usually got a drawer full of adapters people have left behind, such as the one I left in Frankfurt a few years back.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on April 26, 2018, 09:03:10 am
I couldn't be bothered going down to reception, I'm sure they had one, it was a big Marrioty place up by Parliament. It hadn't however occurred to me that the noggin-less Macbook power adaptor would lovingly couple with such a generic cable. It's like Lady Sanderstead doing it with Boggins the footman.

Only annoyed when I opened my computer on the train to do a bit of work to note the 23% I'd acquired during the meeting had conspired its way down to 2% as the machine slept. So I went and got a couple of bottles of Duvel instead.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on April 26, 2018, 03:11:53 pm
. So I went and got a couple of bottles of Duvel instead.
And a much better use of train traveling time if I do say so myself :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on April 26, 2018, 03:42:23 pm
I just learned, at 3.32pm, that today is not in fact Friday.

Which explained why there was no one on the conference call I'd dialled into, I suppose.

Now I'm all Friday-ed up with nowhere for it to go.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on April 26, 2018, 04:33:21 pm
'ere you might find this handy for this thread

(https://i1.wp.com/www.plymouthdevils.co/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/season-ticket-500x321.png?fit=500%2C321&ssl=1)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on April 26, 2018, 05:13:13 pm
I'd just forget it.

As a plus, it means I have another day to prepare for next week's Tour de Tidy Haired Thought Leadership™. Which I need, considering I've come down with a serious case of procrastination.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CrinklyLion on April 27, 2018, 07:51:35 am
Slightly overfilled the bath.  Got in anyway, narrowly avoiding an overflow.  Carefully washed hair while keeping all the water in the bath - go me!  Reached to put the bottle of shampoo back and accidentally caused a minor soapy tidal wave - which soaked the bath mat and definitely moistened the towel that was on it, waiting.  Got out, wrapped myself up in soggy bath towel, wandered off to find another dry towel and went back to the bathroom with the somewhat moist one to dry the floor because slip hazard alert.

Slipped and went base over apex in the doorway on the way in.  Ow.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on April 27, 2018, 11:32:29 am
Ouch!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on April 27, 2018, 01:16:27 pm
Boil kettle, put Brown Drink granules in mug.  In tea mug :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on April 27, 2018, 01:25:07 pm
Just bought Mrs F a new iPad, will be delivered tomorrow.

But she wants an iPad Mini :facepalm:

So I now have 2 iPads arriving tomorrow. I'll be up a ladder with a paintbrush so I hope whoever answers the door rejects the correct package.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on April 28, 2018, 12:58:08 pm
Turned to say something over shoulder to Mrs. T and walked into the doorpost. Forgot what I wanted to say, too.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on April 30, 2018, 02:30:10 pm
I'm currently making a cigar-box guitar, but in the absence of a cigar box I'm making that too. Dead simple: 5mm ply, two short sides, two long sides, a top + bottom and a few blocks to reinforce the corners.

So: I cut the sides and put a notch in one of the short ones to take the neck. Having done this, I realise that in the best tradition of "measure once, cut twice" I've been & gone & put it off-centre. Drat. But there's a handy piece of ply lying on the bench so I take that, cut it to length, mark it up properly this time, double-check it, and cut out the notch. Fine.

Then I take the blocked-out neck and try it in the notch - yo, dead centre - then do a dry-run assembly with the sides: two short ones, two long... er...

That's funny, one of the long sides has disappeared. It was on the bench just a minute ago...

I really do need to retire.

Oh, wait...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on April 30, 2018, 02:55:38 pm
Thought there was only me that was that daft.

reassured now...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 01, 2018, 11:34:26 am
Anent the above: I'm standing in the shop today, working away on the neck with my wonderful Veritas spokeshave when the missus comes in and says "oh, that's lovely!"  I step back proudly so that she can see all of it, whereupon she says "no, I meant all the curly shavings". :facepalm:

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 01, 2018, 12:53:23 pm
When you're tired of an accumulation of pleasingly curly wood shavings, you're tired of life.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 01, 2018, 02:12:19 pm
Oh, I agree. One of the most wonderful gadgets is the spill plane, which does nothing but:

https://youtu.be/3os1txIj5dA
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 01, 2018, 02:22:38 pm
Oh, I agree. One of the most wonderful gadgets is the spill plane, which does nothing but:

https://youtu.be/3os1txIj5dA

And now I know what a 'spill' actually is.  Always assumed they meant the bastard hybrid of a match and a lolly stick that we used to distribute fire to the bunsen burners at school.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on May 01, 2018, 10:39:35 pm
Oh, I agree. One of the most wonderful gadgets is the spill plane, which does nothing but:

https://youtu.be/3os1txIj5dA

And now I know what a 'spill' actually is.  Always assumed they meant the bastard hybrid of a match and a lolly stick that we used to distribute fire to the bunsen burners at school.

I seem to remember my science teacher calling them a taper?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on May 02, 2018, 12:01:49 am
Oh, I agree. One of the most wonderful gadgets is the spill plane, which does nothing but:

https://youtu.be/3os1txIj5dA

And now I know what a 'spill' actually is.  Always assumed they meant the bastard hybrid of a match and a lolly stick that we used to distribute fire to the bunsen burners at school.

I seem to remember my science teacher calling them a taper?

I think they were called 'wooden splints' by some teachers.

I vaguely remember 'Pick Up Sticks' was also called 'Spillikins' by some.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 02, 2018, 08:42:24 am
I heard both spill and taper as a child. In the lab we used "splints". Apparently splint simply means a strip of wood.

I like the German word for them: Fidibus.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 02, 2018, 10:28:35 am
*adds spill plane to workshop wish list*
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 03, 2018, 08:00:10 pm
having bought some of those new fangled MTB sorts with the separate liner I thought I'd wear them today. 

Put the outer on the bed, put the inner on me, got the bike out of the shed, walked it to the end of the drive, sat on it.  Hmm, this feels a bit odd.  Hmm, no outer shorts  :facepalm:.

Oh bugger it, no body will notice on a closed loop one hour ride
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 04, 2018, 10:36:25 am
I just forked out for a bunch of electronic DIY brevets. Notification email tells me I already had six in the bank that I had forgotten about.

Better start planning lots more riding over the summer!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 04, 2018, 10:43:32 am
Cleaning 2 of my small Nalgene bottles prior to filling them with cooking stuff for this weeks trip.     One shattered in my hand under light pressure, nearly giving me a nasty cut  :jurek:     The other shattered as well after an experimental squeeze.   


They'd been on my kitchen window sill for ages, so my guess is UV exposure.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 04, 2018, 11:00:26 am
2nd entry of the day!  Just gone to unchain my green tourer & found that when I last used the blue tourer (Sunday) I'd just propped it against the rest & not locked it up  :facepalm:   
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on May 04, 2018, 02:13:30 pm
That is the best way of discovering that you haven't locked your bike though.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 05, 2018, 06:31:58 pm
Bugger! The rubber O ring from the Trangia cap was stuck to the burner. I didn’t notice & when I lit the stove it melted & blocked the burner holes. [/font]
I see some scraping & unblocking in my future [/font]
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on May 05, 2018, 07:20:16 pm
Got a taxi to LaGuardia for my flight. Checked boarding pass on arrival. JFK. Three other apposite letters: FFS.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on May 05, 2018, 10:49:56 pm
Oops
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on May 06, 2018, 06:56:58 am
Oops

Fortunately I was early and the traffic on the Grand Central and Van Wyck expressways benign. Mostly a FFS because I could have just hopped on the E a couple of blocks from my hotel straight to JFK (at significantly less expense). In my defence, my original itinerary did have me slated for LaGuardia, it obviously lodged in my brain despite a latter change.

Made my wife laugh. Idiot she says. This from a woman who once went to the airport on the wrong day.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on May 06, 2018, 09:55:24 am
Are either of you officially allowed out without a grown up...?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on May 06, 2018, 12:10:56 pm
Joke about Thought Leadership leading thoughts in entirely the wrong direction goes here ==>
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CAMRAMan on May 06, 2018, 06:53:42 pm
Stripping the Ridgeback, I needed to remove the cranks, so got the extractor and screwed it into the thread. I then proceeded to apply extreme pressure to remove the crank, or so I thought, whilst all the time screwing the extractor further into the pedal thread. It is now stuck very fast although the pedal is off.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on May 06, 2018, 07:00:57 pm
When fitting a tyre to a non-tubeless rim, do not forget the rim tape.... BANG!!!  ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on May 06, 2018, 07:56:47 pm
Long ride today in a generally circular motion.  Seems that I maintained the sun on my LHS all day, and despite use of sunscreen, have something of a demarcation line running down my nose and a slight panda-ishness about my eyes from the sunglasses. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 07, 2018, 10:47:27 am
Div? Colour me arsehole.

I needed to cut a 5mm step into the neck where it goes under the top of the guitar body. Took it down on the bandsaw but I was maybe half a mm too shallow.  I couldn't get my chisel plane adjusted: one tap shoved blade too far out, tap on body brought it back too far, and re-honing the blade didn't help. In desperation I took my n° 4 plane to it diagonally across the grain and knocked a corner off the bit of the neck where it will be visible. :facepalm:

Now I can either get more wood and make another neck (http://www.fountainpennetwork.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/gaah.gif) or take out a chunk right across the neck and put in a "decorative feature" of a different colour.  Arse.

Maybe I was daft to use sapele, it's a bit too soft. Others do, though.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on May 07, 2018, 02:30:55 pm
Fitting a new kitchen sink, I reminded myself that the waste isn't yet connected, to avoid the classic "pour water down sink, what's that splashing sound in the cupboard" error. To make doubly sure I put a criss cross of masking tape over the sink.

Fast forward thirty minutes. I notice I'd knocked a cup of water over on the New! Shiny!  worktop, so I grabbed a cloth to mop it up with. Squeezed the cloth out in the sink, obvs. See error noted above.
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: citoyen on May 07, 2018, 03:06:46 pm
Long ride today in a generally circular motion.  Seems that I maintained the sun on my LHS all day, and despite use of sunscreen, have something of a demarcation line running down my nose and a slight panda-ishness about my eyes from the sunglasses.

I’m only laughing out of sympathy. And because I may have BTDTGTTS...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 16, 2018, 09:09:55 am
Before riding the other day I gave the chain a good dose of lube. On returning the can to the shelf I realised that I'd used the degreaser.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on May 16, 2018, 03:59:26 pm
A word of advice to everyone. If you are dependent on externally administered chemicals for any reason whatsoever, it is best to remember to take your medicine every day. Especially if they are mind altering chemicals.
#DAHIKT
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on May 16, 2018, 07:05:42 pm
A word of advice to everyone. If you are dependent on externally administered chemicals for any reason whatsoever, it is best to remember to take your medicine every day. Especially if they are mind altering chemicals.
#DAHIKT
I use the medisafe app to remind me
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 17, 2018, 08:54:11 am
Maybe I should get that to keep track of the degreaser.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on May 17, 2018, 11:52:10 am
I'm using Medisafe as well. It's very configurable and you can skip or suspend meds doses as needed. I suspended my vitamin D due to sunshine hopefully being sufficient for a while. I'll reenable it when it gets less sunny in the autumn.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on May 18, 2018, 07:25:53 pm
I've just made and put in teh oven four individual beef wellingtoni.

Making them is quite a labour, with fillet steak a reasonably expensive one. I assemble them by putting the duxelle (fried chopped mushrooms with stuff, mkay?) on the bottom of the steak, placing it on one pastry sheet, covering with more duxelle and then a second sheet over the top.

Done that, placed in the oven. Then noticed precisely half the lovingly prepared duxelle sitting naked.

If I had half a brain I'd be dangerous.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on May 18, 2018, 10:06:41 pm
I hope you made a Wellington pastie . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 22, 2018, 07:48:02 pm
None of the usual combinations of birthdays or phone numbers work. Of course it’s something so simple & unforgettable I’ve not written it down  :facepalm:


Ah !  Thats what it was !  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 26, 2018, 09:28:38 pm
Bugger! The rubber O ring from the Trangia cap was stuck to the burner. I didn’t notice & when I lit the stove it melted & blocked the burner holes.
I see some scraping & unblocking in my future


New O rings ordered.  £1.50 for 2 from https://fettlebox.co.uk/   


I seem to have got it wrong & ordered 8.......    :facepalm:     Oh well,   should last me a while.....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on May 26, 2018, 09:33:12 pm
Hide a spare one in your touring kit now before you forget!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 26, 2018, 09:42:30 pm
Where does a chap hide a spare O ring ......... ?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on May 26, 2018, 09:48:37 pm
Where does a chap hide a spare O ring ......... ?

Answers, please, on a post-card.  Post to A&E Department, The Royal Liverpool University Hospital.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on May 26, 2018, 10:06:02 pm
Like the amphetamineszip ties, inside the handlebar . . . ?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 26, 2018, 10:18:37 pm
Rubber rings & zip ties..... it'll be duct tape next   :jurek:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 28, 2018, 08:44:03 pm
And without even looking I found my spare...  in a kitchen drawer.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on May 31, 2018, 09:00:08 am
I seem to be making a lot of entries in this thread ...


When I was in France 2 weeks ago I phoned home to make an appointment with my GP & booked it into my phones calendar.  I just turned up for the appointment an hour early, the phone recorded it as CEST for some reason.  Luckily he was amused & saw me straight away.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 31, 2018, 09:06:52 am
At a guess, the phone was taking its time from the local network. Funny, I'd expect them to use UTC.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on May 31, 2018, 12:11:16 pm
One of our cats- Willow- is diabetic. As a result she is on a controlled diet and insulin jabs twice a day. Every so often we have to do glucose curves so, as well as giving her injections, we have to pin her down every hour or so to make her bleed (pin prick in ear margin). Injuries are not uncommon as a pined down ravenous cat can get a bit feisty.

The other day was a new one. Willow is being fed in the kitchen. Our other cat Scooby is being fed in the hall. I need to go to the hall so start to open the door as Willow is still feasting at her bowl. She ain't stoopid though. As soon as she heard the noise of the door opening she was like a furry torpedo accross the kitchen heading for the doorway. As I tried to stop her, I kicked the door-

(https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1743/27601171087_d5efcfcfaf_k.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/J42dy8)IMG-20180525-00187 (https://flic.kr/p/J42dy8) by Matt Langridge (https://www.flickr.com/photos/59790646@N05/), on Flickr

I think I may have profaned.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on May 31, 2018, 01:05:14 pm
Cue Mr. Phillips, Navy Lark: Ooh narsty.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rogerzilla on June 02, 2018, 08:14:16 am
I cleaned some superficial rust from an EAI track sprocket using Barkeeper's Friend (oxalic acid).

It also took off all the black coating.

I now have a very bare steel sprocket.  It looks cool but it's going to have to be smeared in oil to protect it.  I'm tempted to re-black it by heating it up and dropping it in oil but this will probably anneal it and make it soft.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on June 02, 2018, 03:14:16 pm
If it's clean enough why not see a gunsmith about having it blued. Once upon a time this was a DIY thing. Might still be... (https://www.wikihow.com/Blue-Steel)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on June 02, 2018, 09:40:45 pm
Recently I’ve been riding my Di2 equipped “posh” bike, but the last couple of days it’s been wet so I was out on the conventionally geared machine. And I noticed the almost silent running of the drive train compared to the posh bike. Today I decided to have a look see to see if I could fathom why the Di2 gears were noisy. Up on the workstand and turn the cranks, hmmm chain line looks ok, chain clear of sprockets, running ok on the jockey wheels..... oh, why is the chain running behind that tab between the jockey’s  ::-). So I break the chain (quick links ftw), re-route it in front of the cage tab, and reconnect. Blissfully silent running, and all before the chain wore thru the tab.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: phantasmagoriana on June 02, 2018, 09:53:34 pm
Recently I’ve been riding my Di2 equipped “posh” bike, but the last couple of days it’s been wet so I was out on the conventionally geared machine. And I noticed the almost silent running of the drive train compared to the posh bike. Today I decided to have a look see to see if I could fathom why the Di2 gears were noisy. Up on the workstand and turn the cranks, hmmm chain line looks ok, chain clear of sprockets, running ok on the jockey wheels..... oh, why is the chain running behind that tab between the jockey’s  ::-). So I break the chain (quick links ftw), re-route it in front of the cage tab, and reconnect. Blissfully silent running, and all before the chain wore thru the tab.

Ah yes, I've done that one (without the Di2-ness) as well. :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Brianfox on June 02, 2018, 10:12:17 pm
So, having had our rather wonderful tandem completely refurbed, my rather wonderful stoker has a conversation with another couple with a tandem.

The subject of suspension seatposts comes up. Our stoker seatpost has an ancient "post moderne" suspension post. Theirs has a Cane Creek Thudbuster, apparently the Rolls Royce of such gear.

I duly promise to get one. I am wary of seatpost sizes, so purchase a micrometer to properly check. The post moderne has a 25.4mm post, but with a shim. I check the pilot seatpost to get the right size. 27.2mm. Thudbuster of same size purchased.

Turns out said Thudbuster needs elastomers changing for my stoker, too svelte for standard. I spend some time this morning doing that. I then remove old seatpost, and fight with annoying clamp to remove saddle. I fit saddle to new seatpost, carefully measure insert length and thoroughly grease.

I fit new seatpost to frame. Or, rather, I don't.

BECAUSE THE REAR SEATPOST IS A DIFFERENT SODDING SIZE TO THE FRONT ONE.

Who on earth ever thought that was a good idea??

The rear appears to be 26.4mm, a size I wasn't even aware existed.

GAAAAAAH!

[cross posted from cuk, but as I'm *such* a fecking div, seemed worth it]
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on June 02, 2018, 10:30:39 pm
Your pain felt.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on June 02, 2018, 10:57:09 pm
And that, kids, is why the Sun Tour "quick cage" wants badly to be reinvented  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on June 03, 2018, 12:06:51 am
Recently I’ve been riding my Di2 equipped “posh” bike, but the last couple of days it’s been wet so I was out on the conventionally geared machine. And I noticed the almost silent running of the drive train compared to the posh bike. Today I decided to have a look see to see if I could fathom why the Di2 gears were noisy. Up on the workstand and turn the cranks, hmmm chain line looks ok, chain clear of sprockets, running ok on the jockey wheels..... oh, why is the chain running behind that tab between the jockey’s  ::-). So I break the chain (quick links ftw), re-route it in front of the cage tab, and reconnect. Blissfully silent running, and all before the chain wore thru the tab.

Ah yes, I've done that one (without the Di2-ness) as well. :facepalm:

Ah yes.  Done that several times.   :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on June 03, 2018, 12:48:27 am
And that, kids, is why the Sun Tour "quick cage" wants badly to be reinvented  ;D

Always thought the 'half cage' on the 600 'Arabesque' rear mech, with the push button release allowing the chain to be removed without any dismantling was rather elegant . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on June 03, 2018, 09:27:37 am

I duly promise to get one. I am wary of seatpost sizes, so purchase a micrometer to properly check. The post moderne has a 25.4mm post, but with a shim. I check the pilot seatpost to get the right size. 27.2mm. Thudbuster of same size purchased.



Whilst I always advocate buying a tool when you need one, as it's surprising just how often you'll use in in the future, there's another way of finding the diameter.

Wrap a bit of paper around the seat post and mark the edge of the paper where it overlaps.  Measure with a ruler and divide by pi. 

There speaks a man who's just junked his £10 crap Chinese digital caliper 'cos it had started to give non-repeatable results and was eating batteries, and bought an old school dial gauge version, with a resolution of 0.01mm.  Plenty accurate enough for me.   Dead easy to use, no batteries, and relies entirely on things mechanical, not some magic involving voles.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on June 03, 2018, 10:27:31 am
Quote from: andytheflyer
...and bought an old school dial gauge version, with a resolution of 0.01mm.  Plenty accurate enough for me
Andy, I'd have thought for the big stuff you build measuring to the nearest yard would be more than close enough.  :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on June 03, 2018, 01:21:17 pm
Quote from: andytheflyer
...and bought an old school dial gauge version, with a resolution of 0.01mm.  Plenty accurate enough for me
Andy, I'd have thought for the big stuff you build measuring to the nearest yard would be more than close enough.  :)

 ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: cycleman on June 03, 2018, 06:33:12 pm
Out for a ride in black park  and decided I could ride across the little plank bridge across the stream above the lake.  I  found out that the bridge was a bit to narrow and ended up in the stream   ::-).
I have just bent the left side track rod  . I have managed to get it nearly straight but I will order a new track rod Monday morning and hope that the Windsor bike company can sort out the tracking by Wednesday as I hope to use the trice to the Watlington camping meet   :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on June 03, 2018, 07:07:16 pm
I had a comedy bridge moment of my own today.  A somewhat ambitious sharp left onto a humpback bridge that I've only walked with a recumbent previuously from the other side (rideable on upwrong).  I geared down, turned sharp left, accelerated, hit the bottom of the bridge and bounced.

I bounced right out of the seat and ended up sprawled RHS down.  No damage to me or bike, but I proved my point, you need to get off and walk that section. 

Just the other side of the bridge is about 300m of comedy moonscape potholing.  Just about rideable on recumbent if you can avoid the deepest craters, I hit one today and almost pinged myself off the bike again into the ditch.   
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on June 04, 2018, 03:35:56 pm
After an utterly non-restful weekend, I decided I couldn't get my normal Monday train to work because there was a new starter on my team, and my other team member was back from holiday and we had shuffled desks.

So cue very early start after row with the missus over something stupid, sod all sleep.

Get to work and find; A) New starter is at the other office, won't be with me until tomorrow. B) other team member isn't in until Wed, C) I have hospital appointment outside of Cambridge

Feck, I could have stayed in bed an extra hour, probably not rowed with MrsC and work would have been fine.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Porkins on June 04, 2018, 08:40:25 pm
I built my frame on Dave Yates' course about 13 years ago. https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=39924.25Started When I specced it I decided to build it up with 8 speed Dura Ace. Prior to that I had been a user of 6 speed Dura Ace. 6 speed Dura Ace had down tube shift levers and non-aero brake levers. No other options. So I brazed on the fittings for down tube levers.  I could have gone for bar end levers but I didn't want that Dawes look. (Not cool. The pros never had levers there. Those levers were meant for TT clip-ons.) Through the '80s Dura Ace went to 7 and 8 speed and those fancypants aero brake levers arrived. (Huh, as if a tortuous cable routing could ever justify the infinitesimal drag reduction of hiding your brake cables inside the bars!) In '91 Shimano threw out the old designs and introduced 9 speed Dura Ace with brifters! (More idiocy, forcing you to compromise your aero tuck in order to change gear.) They paired it with the new Hyperglide sprockets, which have half the tooth area worn away from new so you can run the chain on two cogs at the same time and replace the cassette twice as often.  It's all just marketing gone mad, to convince you that your bike is disposable.

Today I finally discovered that the first Shimano brifters were actually for 8 speed Dura Ace. They came out in 1990. How did I go all this time believing that brifters were only for the modern age? All these years of combing ebay for 8 speed bits and studying velobase and I completely missed the arrival of the world's first brifters. The prototypes were first seen in the '89 Tour on Phil Anderson's bike - the first time that pro racers didn't use down tube shifters. http://www.cyclingweekly.com/news/latest-news/icons-of-cycling-the-first-shimano-sti-gear-shift-system-178099 I devoured all that detail at the time, so I must have known all the details. I was a big fan of indexing and the other Dura Ace innovations in the '80s. I specced a new 753 with a 7400 group set in 1986, an unheard of decision. I felt like I was the country's biggest Shimano fan. It's inconceivable that I didn't know all about the dramatic switch to brifters. But I completely forgot. And I've somehow been blind to them for the last decade and a half. What has happened to my brain? I've regressed. I'm a missing link to cave-dwelling simpletons.

http://velobase.com/ViewComponent.aspx?ID=C6C9B8F3-5C94-4E2E-BB45-B67E77E36B3A&Enum=125&AbsPos=0
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rogerzilla on June 04, 2018, 09:56:24 pm
I remember reading in (I think) Bicycling magazine about these new-fangled road STI levers and Aheadsets, which came out at the same time.  The latter was a Dia-Compe invention although they later sold the trademark to Cane Creek, and the concept was licensed to anyone who wanted it (Shimano and Chris King wouldn't pay).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on June 05, 2018, 06:34:09 pm
We came on a bike touring holiday and forgot to bring our stash of jelly babies  :facepalm: :'(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on June 10, 2018, 09:47:40 am
I'm tempted to re-black it by heating it up and dropping it in oil but this will probably anneal it and make it soft.
It was an awfully long time ago but my memory is slow cool to anneal, fast quench to temper.  It could well be hardened though and that has to be the last process, you would make it soft by undoing (to some extent) the hardening.

Sitting ready to be corrected.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on June 10, 2018, 12:15:20 pm
Slow cool to Anneal
Fast quench to harden
Low tempurature heat cycle to temper.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on June 11, 2018, 08:40:17 am
Been reading a LOT of Pratchett recently.

Yesterday, whilst completing some official type forms, I dated one Sunday 10th Grune 2018 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on June 11, 2018, 11:12:45 am
Been reading a LOT of Pratchett recently.

Yesterday, whilst completing some official type forms, I dated one Sunday 10th Grune 2018 :facepalm:

 :D :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

I'm quite surprised you put 2018. What with all that's going on "The Century of the Fruit-Loop" might have been appropriate
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on June 11, 2018, 11:49:55 am
I've come into work today without any of my painkillers.* starting to get rather sore, but fortunately I have to travel to site in a couple of hours which means driving past home so I can call in and pick them up.


* As I typed this I remembered the emergency stash in my office bag. Only one tablet so a half dose but hopefully it will take the edge of the discomfort.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on June 11, 2018, 12:33:57 pm
Ouch. Hope half dose will do till you can get to the full stash...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on June 11, 2018, 12:34:57 pm
I didn't realise I didn't have a hearing aid in till I was at the bus stop yesterday - had to go home and get it because there's no point in trying to socialise with non signers without it... DOH
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on June 11, 2018, 12:41:45 pm
I've taken up the rotten floorboards up in the en suite (terminal shower leak) to replace them.

I had a bit of plumbing to do too so before replacing them I used some small cuts of the removed floorboards to bridge the joists and give me a stable platform.

Yes, you heard right: I decided to stand on cuts of the rotten boards that I was replacing.

One of them gave way beneath me on Friday night. Luckily, only my right leg went through, resulting in cuts and bruises and the odd sensation of being in two places at the same time...

So now I have some plastering to do when I've finished the shower.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PhilO on June 13, 2018, 11:27:17 am
Bit of a drawn-out commute yesterday morning. Thank goodness for flexi-time! I heard a suspicious rattle just before reaching work and stopped. No keys in pocket. Looked behind. Nothing. Checked bag. Nothing. Phoned MrsO. No, keys not at home. So rode home slowly, looking for them. Checked all round house and garage. Grabbed spare key, and rode back in again, slowly, still looking for keys. And found them, ~2 metres from where I originally stopped!  ::-)

Hour and a half for s commute that normally takes 16 minutes...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on June 13, 2018, 04:16:44 pm
That annual favourite: stopping the spinning wheel by hand when there's a studded tyre on it.  Been a while since I used the mountain bike...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on June 13, 2018, 04:21:29 pm
That annual favourite: stopping the spinning wheel by hand when there's a studded tyre on it.  Been a while since I used the mountain bike...

Some people pay others to inflict decorative scars , you just DIY.... :facepalm:       Hope there was nothing other than bad swears as a result.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on June 13, 2018, 04:34:21 pm
That annual favourite: stopping the spinning wheel by hand when there's a studded tyre on it.  Been a while since I used the mountain bike...

Some people pay others to inflict decorative scars , you just DIY.... :facepalm:       Hope there was nothing other than bad swears as a result.

Man been to Heidelberg.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on June 13, 2018, 06:33:50 pm
Imagine if you will, being on holiday in a country such as Malta. Possibly renting a property through Airbnb with a BBQ area outside the front door, overlooking a bay. Nice, eh? Then consider preparing a meal, including putting some stuff on the cooker in a frying pan. Then consider what might happen if you step outside to see how your spouse and the BBQ are doing, closing the front door so it doesn't bang, as it's quite breezy. With the key inside.

You get permanent membership of the leaderboard of this thread, that's what
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on June 13, 2018, 06:49:23 pm
Oops!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on June 14, 2018, 11:30:56 am
Awaiting a leather case for my new phone. Postie arrives with a suitably sized padded cell envelope. 'Goodie, goodie, gum drops!' methinks.

But wait. What's this? Marry! 'Tis a rubberised armour case in a fetching shade of orange with a screen protector and a lurid bronze anodised stylus.

Straight onto ebay, 'Item not as described'. <Fade down>

<Fade up> Mrs Torslanda - of the horned helmet and heavy metal breastplate - arrives.
'Has your son's new phone case turned up . . .'
'Is it orange?'
'Yes'
'FUCK!'
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on June 17, 2018, 01:05:34 pm
Further proof that I shouldn't do anything requiring thought the day after a hard ride: my FDR has been rubbing a bit in the high trim position, so this morning I put the bike on the hooks and started twisting the downtube adjuster.  (a) very stiff, even on the smallest chainring and (b) twisting has no effect; but I managed a couple of turns.

Out to workshop again just now, after lunch. Noticed that moving the FDR shifter twitches the cable on the other side of the bike. :facepalm:

Fixed now.
Title: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on June 23, 2018, 10:27:43 am
Cycled to parkrun this morning. Made a last minute decision to change which bike I used, which meant swapping stuff from one bag to another.

Got to parkrun, locked up bike, did run, went back to bike... and that’s when I realised I’d left the key for the lock in the other bag.

Wife poorly in bed so I can’t get her to come out and rescue me.

Bollocks.

ETA: finally got hold of my son after making my wife get out of bed to wake him up, the feckless layabout. He’s on his way with key. I’ve promised to take him for breakfast by way of thanks. Although it will be lunchtime before he gets here.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on June 23, 2018, 11:17:16 am
Our ancient (for modern consumer electronics/white goods) 20 yo Hotpoint washer was being a bit picky about how the door was shut.  Sometimes it would wash, sometimes it would need an extra push on the door - and since we have Economy 7 and the washer goes on in the wee small hours (aka the small wee hours) we would often wake up to a machine that hadn't washed.

Diagnosed a faulty door interlock switch.  Looked up new one on the web and I thought it was £20.  Not being sure if the lock was the problem, found one on Fleabay for £8, delivered.  Just in case it wasn't the lock.

Fitted the new (old) lock, only took me 15 mins, having determined just how to get at it.  Works fine.  Result.

In browsing for motor brushes (it's bound to need some soon) I saw that the price of a new lock wasn't the £20 that I thought it was, but £7.65.  So 35p cheaper (but without p&p) than a used one that's only 2 years newer than the machine itself.  Doh……..

Oh well, at least I now know that the problem was a duff interlock, and I know how to swap it over for the inevitable new one.  Assuming that the next machine problem isn't terminal.  But even major parts such as the programmer and the motor, still available  new but >£100, are available used at around £25 - so maybe the machine has a few more years left in it yet.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on June 29, 2018, 08:44:54 pm
A small collection of idiocies gathered over the last week or so.

Midday today sees me hurrying home with two copies of a glider* plan in my hot little hands eagerly looking forward to starting on it tomorrow morning....

... only to find that; yes I *can* build a 36" span wing easily on my board, *provided* it's a two part wing of 18" a-side.  What I can't build is a *one piece* 29" wing.  Cue the sound of an, extensive, forehead being slapped. Never mind measure twice, cut once; measure once would have been a good place to start. 

Wednesday last week saw me kicking my heels in the local minor injuries unit with a deep scalpel cut that would just not stop bleeding.  Top tip. When putting a straight edge on balsa sheet prior to cutting strip keep your fingers out of the way of the blade.

Monday last week saw me in a minor flap thinking we had a leaky pipe in the loft.  No.  A certain clot had left a not quite empty bidon in his study cupboard which he'd knocked over that morning and the drips of water were from that, but it took a good five minutes of frantic turning off of the mains and checking the ceiling for damp patches to discover this


*Walthew MK II, Roland Scott 1948.  This one has been on my build list since 1973.  For those of you interested in that sort of thing I uploaded a cleaned up copy to Outerzone last week.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on June 29, 2018, 10:17:18 pm
That's where not having an upstairs comes in handy, any ceiling dripping is automatically SERIOUS
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on June 30, 2018, 09:20:53 pm
I'm curious, where does this sit on the divviness continuum? Take a new packet of cling film and rip off the cutter instead of opening the box.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on June 30, 2018, 10:13:32 pm
Depends whether you had already destroyed the old box...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on June 30, 2018, 10:16:01 pm
I'm curious, where does this sit on the divviness continuum? Take a new packet of cling film and rip off the cutter instead of opening the box.

Top divving, Ham.   :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on June 30, 2018, 10:30:42 pm
Depends on whether you use the cutter, I suppose.

Barakta and I have a compromise: I don't moan about the clingfilm living boxless and requiring unpredictable hand-ripping, and she doesn't bin the box for the foil.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on July 03, 2018, 11:41:21 am
So. Last night I reserved my hire van for the BHPC weekend. Usual online stuff, pick a depot, pick a vehicle, confirm collection time. Easy gig.

'Complete your reservation'. Pay now or later? Hmm, later methinks.
Enter driver # & licence details. Expiry date. Hmm(2).

My driving entitlement runs until 2032 but the expiry date on teh photocard is May 2018.

'Do you need this letter?' sez Mrs. Torslanda - she of the horned helmet and heavy metal breastplate.

'Arse! Bum! Buggritt! Minnellium, hand & shrimp!' sez me. I'll be your dickhead for the day.

Dire warning from the gov.uk about driving with an expired photocard whilst still actually entitled to drive for the best part of another 15 years. Pay the 2 dollars & order new licence. Of course I'm going to cut the old one in half and send it back...

...but not before the new one arrives. I'm not that much of a feckin' div!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pcolbeck on July 04, 2018, 09:07:37 pm
Lost my boarding pass in Munich airport. Luckily Im flying Lufthansa not some cheap airline and the very efficient lady at the desk printed me a new one in 30 seconds.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on July 04, 2018, 09:10:41 pm
Don't boarding passes just mysterious appear on your phone these days?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pcolbeck on July 04, 2018, 09:24:31 pm
Don't boarding passes just mysterious appear on your phone these days?

Probably to do with the fact that my company bought the tickets for me.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on July 04, 2018, 09:27:35 pm
You should still get them when you check in? Even bouncing around Africa, I don't think I saw a real boarding pass. They do tend to insist on giving me a paper version if I check in a bag.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on July 06, 2018, 10:58:12 am
 :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: Just got back from my early morning ride to discover that I had put my bibshorts on the wrong way around, so the front was at the back etc.... :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:

I thought they felt a bit tight across my chest!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pcolbeck on July 06, 2018, 11:09:02 am
:facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: Just got back from my early morning ride to discover that I had put my bibshorts on the wrong way around, so the front was at the back etc.... :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:

I thought they felt a bit tight across my chest!

Still its better than putting them on the right way around then riding your bike backwards.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on July 06, 2018, 01:37:45 pm
Depends on whether you use the cutter, I suppose.

Barakta and I have a compromise: I don't moan about the clingfilm living boxless and requiring unpredictable hand-ripping, and she doesn't bin the box for the foil.

We have a permanent wall-mounted dispenser for foil and clingfilm. It's great. Instead of a cutting edge, it has a slider that provides a neat, straight cut every time. Boxes and their hateful cutters go straight in the recycling.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on July 06, 2018, 01:40:13 pm
My driving entitlement runs until 2032 but the expiry date on teh photocard is May 2018.

I realised on reading this that I have no idea when my photocard expires... just checked - April 2022. Phew.

Sure I'll forget again before then.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on July 06, 2018, 01:56:43 pm
Are photocards ID cards masquerading under another name?

--o0o--

Further to my "Super Twat" entry:

Removing surgical strapping with adhesive solvent is not to be recommended unless you have buckets of the stuff.  I'm recovering from a tear in one quad and I ran out yesterday with only enough on the strapping to dissolve the bond between the adhesive layer and the fabric.

Result: muggins standing breekless in the bathroom with a 6" wide spiral of tacky white adhesive encircling his right thigh and hands covered in it while missus hies off to two chemists' shops looking for more solvent. It took a full bottle, a nailbrush and a shower to remove the rest.

To be honest, one of the containers of solvent that we already had was in an aerosol can, so I couldn't see how much was in it, so dividity is not strictly proven.

Discovered later that Decathlon has excellent re-usable strapping that sticks to itself but not to the skin. At 4€ a pop it's 20% cheaper than the solvent and a hell of a lot less painful to remove.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on July 06, 2018, 03:55:06 pm
should that be dividity or divinity?

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on July 06, 2018, 04:00:00 pm
Depends on whether you suffer from hay fever or not.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on July 09, 2018, 01:46:54 pm
I've come into work today without any of my painkillers.* starting to get rather sore, but fortunately I have to travel to site in a couple of hours which means driving past home so I can call in and pick them up.


* As I typed this I remembered the emergency stash in my office bag. Only one tablet so a half dose but hopefully it will take the edge of the discomfort.

You would have thought I would have learnt the first time.


And more importantly remembered to refresh the emergency supply.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on July 09, 2018, 06:37:48 pm
BIG does not = HIGH when farting around with rear mechs

That's all   :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on July 09, 2018, 07:17:57 pm
Oh low...  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: lahoski on July 10, 2018, 11:17:45 am
It turns out that the best thing to do before a meeting is throw three quarters of a mug of fresh, real coffee all over my desk, laptop and actual lap. It's not as if I've done this several times a year for the last decade.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on July 12, 2018, 11:40:17 am
Having just spent an hour trimming a few mm of a couple of wooden battens I remembered I have an electric plane
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on July 17, 2018, 09:03:41 am
Last night I watched 35 minutes of the ITV4 highlights programme before I realised it was a rest day!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 17, 2018, 09:46:47 pm
After one and a half Tours de France (or, as *** and Super D might say, "Tour de Frances", because they are fecking divs) I have noticed that the Watchfinder-General wears a selection of different watches.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on July 19, 2018, 03:48:03 pm
We have a recently adopted “rescue” cat. She is wearing the “cone of shame”. I gave her some “cat pate” to eat. The cone makes a cracking scoop.....   ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on July 19, 2018, 05:57:08 pm
... so keep it when she's finished wearing it.

For the cat pate litter tray!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on July 19, 2018, 08:16:25 pm
Who accepted the offer from his sax teacher of a lesson today at 3pm, just when the Alpe d'Huez stage was getting interesting......

Answers on a...….
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on July 20, 2018, 08:06:04 am
*points and laughs*  :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on July 20, 2018, 01:01:04 pm
(11:30 Switches on anbaric memory-box)

Aaaaaaargh, you bastard, why haven't you recorded today's live Tour coverage?

(Prods buttons)

Because it doesn't start until 12:30, you div.  What it didn't record was the re-run of last night's highlights, because it wasn't meant to.  If my reglazed reading glasses don't turn up soon I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on July 25, 2018, 12:19:32 pm
There's a broken pedestal fan in the garage and my remote command centre is so hot today and my wife has the other fan. So I've moved it indoor and set it up. Broken as in it's missing the fan guard. But hey, I'm not like stupid enough to stick my arm into the rapidly whirling blades, am I?

Savlon applied.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on July 25, 2018, 12:33:51 pm
Our pedestal fan is dangerouser than yours: it's got a guard on the blades but the motor housing fell to bits years ago so you can stick your fingers in it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on July 25, 2018, 12:43:11 pm
It's fortunately only a plastic blade so it only removed a quantity of skin from my arm as I reached through the whirling blade to adjust the angle.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on July 25, 2018, 02:05:26 pm
It's fortunately only a plastic blade so it only removed a quantity of skin from my arm as I reached through the whirling blade to adjust the angle.
So it wasn't that you forgot the fan was there then, you were actually attempting to adjust the fan?  :facepalm: ::-) ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on July 25, 2018, 03:05:20 pm
Just gone out to do some emergency shopping & tripped over a sleeping policeman as I crossed the road.   Flat on my hands & knees in the middle of the road with car drivers stopping to see if I was OK  :-[


A bloodied knee & 2 scraped palms  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on July 25, 2018, 03:55:50 pm
It's fortunately only a plastic blade so it only removed a quantity of skin from my arm as I reached through the whirling blade to adjust the angle.
So it wasn't that you forgot the fan was there then, you were actually attempting to adjust the fan?  :facepalm: ::-) ;D

What actually happened was that as I switched it on the head of the fan flipped back (because it's not counterweighted by the fan guard). This was as I reached around to make an adjustment. It wasn't quite as divvy as I made it sound. Other than operating a fan without the guard, of course. I have been planning to fix the guard back in place for a couple of years now. I have one of those swanky overpriced Dyson thingies but my wife is is working at home and has just sequestered it (on the grounds I complained about the price, thusly I don't want it).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on July 25, 2018, 03:57:52 pm
It's fortunately only a plastic blade so it only removed a quantity of skin from my arm as I reached through the whirling blade to adjust the angle.
So it wasn't that you forgot the fan was there then, you were actually attempting to adjust the fan?  :facepalm: ::-) ;D

What actually happened was that as I switched it on the head of the fan flipped back (because it's not counterweighted by the fan guard). This was as I reached around to make an adjustment. It wasn't quite as divvy as I made it sound. Other than operating a fan without the guard, of course. I have been planning to fix the guard back in place for a couple of years now. I have one of those swanky overpriced Dyson thingies but my wife is is working at home and has just sequestered it (on the grounds I complained about the price, thusly I don't want it).

Of course you couldn't see the fan blade going round because it was going round
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on July 25, 2018, 08:47:02 pm
It's fortunately only a plastic blade so it only removed a quantity of skin from my arm as I reached through the whirling blade to adjust the angle.
So it wasn't that you forgot the fan was there then, you were actually attempting to adjust the fan?  :facepalm: ::-) ;D

What actually happened was that as I switched it on the head of the fan flipped back (because it's not counterweighted by the fan guard). This was as I reached around to make an adjustment. It wasn't quite as divvy as I made it sound. Other than operating a fan without the guard, of course. I have been planning to fix the guard back in place for a couple of years now. I have one of those swanky overpriced Dyson thingies but my wife is is working at home and has just sequestered it (on the grounds I complained about the price, thusly I don't want it).

Of course you couldn't see the fan blade going round because it was going round

Try starting twin  i/c engines on an R/C model then.  You start one, then inevitably have to reach across to start the other one....

Tell me that's not an accident waiting to happen, even if the blades are plastic of some sort.  At 8000 rpm, you don't even feel it.  DAMHIKT.

At least I now have a LiPo battery strapped to my starter motor so that I've not got any trailing wires any more.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on July 25, 2018, 09:18:21 pm
It's fortunately only a plastic blade so it only removed a quantity of skin from my arm as I reached through the whirling blade to adjust the angle.
So it wasn't that you forgot the fan was there then, you were actually attempting to adjust the fan?  :facepalm: ::-) ;D

What actually happened was that as I switched it on the head of the fan flipped back (because it's not counterweighted by the fan guard). This was as I reached around to make an adjustment. It wasn't quite as divvy as I made it sound. Other than operating a fan without the guard, of course. I have been planning to fix the guard back in place for a couple of years now. I have one of those swanky overpriced Dyson thingies but my wife is is working at home and has just sequestered it (on the grounds I complained about the price, thusly I don't want it).

Of course you couldn't see the fan blade going round because it was going round

Well I could, but then it was already ouchy-ouchy territory. If it's any consolation, it was pre-coffee and I have some long haul jetlag. I should just bodge a fix with some duct tape. Or taken the Dyson from upstairs, though that would be admission that I support the purchase of a stupidly expensive fan (and Dyson is a bit of a twat).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on July 25, 2018, 09:41:05 pm
Just gone out to do some emergency shopping & tripped over a sleeping policeman as I crossed the road.   Flat on my hands & knees in the middle of the road with car drivers stopping to see if I was OK  :-[


A bloodied knee & 2 scraped palms  :facepalm:


And now I've skinned my knuckles trying to shift a stubborn bottom bracket .  Can we start today again please ?


Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on July 25, 2018, 09:43:13 pm
Just gone out to do some emergency shopping & tripped over a sleeping policeman as I crossed the road.   Flat on my hands & knees in the middle of the road with car drivers stopping to see if I was OK  :-[


A bloodied knee & 2 scraped palms  :facepalm:

Bloody stupid place for a kip if you ask me . . .

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Diver300 on July 25, 2018, 10:48:51 pm
Or taken the Dyson from upstairs, though that would be admission that I support the purchase of a stupidly expensive fan (and Dyson is a bit of a twat).
You could argue that the Dyson fan is worth the cost for how much more difficult it is to get your fingers caught in the blades.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on July 28, 2018, 03:41:58 pm
When sanding down parts of a balsa airframe make sure, unless you really, really, really want engrained sooty marks on it, to pick up any sanding block except the one you use for sharpening pencils.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on July 28, 2018, 07:02:10 pm
When sanding down parts of a balsa airframe make sure, unless you really, really, really want engrained sooty marks on it, to pick up any sanding block except the one you use for sharpening pencils.

"points and laughs...."   ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on July 28, 2018, 09:08:58 pm
When sanding down parts of a balsa airframe make sure, unless you really, really, really want engrained sooty marks on it, to pick up any sanding block except the one you use for sharpening pencils.

"points and laughs...."   ;D
Touché.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: barakta on July 29, 2018, 08:08:13 am
When sanding down parts of a balsa airframe make sure, unless you really, really, really want engrained sooty marks on it, to pick up any sanding block except the one you use for sharpening pencils.

"points and laughs...."   ;D
Touché.

I came across a new word a friend used recently - Douché. I interpreted it as when you were being a douche and saying touché :P
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on August 01, 2018, 05:19:11 pm
I thought I'd give my sickly laurels a dose of the hosepipe as the temperature climbs again. All going well until I decided to manoeuvre myself around to the other side of the summer house (aka posh shed) at which point, while untwisting a water retarding kink in the hose, the end got stuck in the pocket of my shorts and suddenly shot a high pressure blast of surprisingly cold water at my testicles. That was best described – charitably – as invigorating.

Gwyneth Paltrow may be big on vaginal steaming, but I'm promoting a blast of cold water to the 'nads as a top male restorative.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on August 01, 2018, 05:56:33 pm
Douché  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on August 01, 2018, 09:28:17 pm
In Surrey, you could probably charge for that kind of thing
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on August 01, 2018, 09:36:22 pm
Just gone out to do some emergency shopping & tripped over a sleeping policeman as I crossed the road.   Flat on my hands & knees in the middle of the road with car drivers stopping to see if I was OK  :-[


A bloodied knee & 2 scraped palms  :facepalm:

Whilst a group of us was walking to the very first session for our choral course in St. Andrews last week, one of the members sis exactly the same thing. She broke her wrist and took no part in the course, which cost her about £600. She was 10 yards from the venue at the time.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on August 09, 2018, 08:21:54 am
<shambles in> What am I doing here? Oh yes....

Breakfast, how wonderful is thy divness, let me count the ways.

Two eggs on two toast, coffee.

Apparently convention has it when making filter coffee that you insert the receiving jug in the appliance, who knew?
Making 2 slices of toast on a Dualit toaster involves switching the number of slices to two.
And, in order to cook eggs in a frying pan, you need to light the gas.

Every day's a school day.

<shambles off>
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on August 09, 2018, 09:59:49 am
You haven't woken up yet.  Go back to bed and try again.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on August 09, 2018, 05:29:01 pm
Good thing it wasn't ham'n'eggs . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on August 09, 2018, 09:48:47 pm
The Cruzbike developed a reluctance to switch into the granny ring this week, just when I needed it to get up some 14% inclines (a bit of cable stretch I think), so I was trying to shift it manually.  I thought I'd caught my glove in the chain, about 10km later when I got to Claonaig ferry port, stopped and took my glove off I realised I'd caught the tip of my finger in two places.

Still effin' sore three days later.  I learnt to just push the derailleur instead of fiddling with the chain.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on August 10, 2018, 08:04:03 am
Not that I'm a glue-sniffer, but you know how superglue has a rather delicate aroma when you're putting it on workpieces? Yesterday I glued a spoke magnet into a hole in a bit of wood with the stuff then, curious to see if the smell continued pleasant during curing, had a sniff. It felt as if I had just inhaled cayenne pepper.

I suppose the key is in the name: cyanoacrylate. I pity the poor buggers who were deliberately killed with HCN.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on August 10, 2018, 07:05:01 pm
Made multiple attempts to arrange a routine blood test yesterday by phoning number on letter they sent me. Phone rang out every time.
Realised today I'd been dialling the fax number, d'oh.

I'm not the only div; if that fax had been on/working, the modem screech would have alerted me to my divvishness...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on August 13, 2018, 08:50:12 am
And for this morning's performance I managed to put the water into the coffee maker. Twice.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Chris S on August 13, 2018, 09:54:02 pm
Arse. I got done for speeding. 57 in a 60 zone.

Yeah yeah, I know - but I was in my Vito, which apparently is a DPV (Dual Purpose Vehicle - I'd never heard of the term until now) and as such, has a max speed of -10mph on Single and Dual carriageways (not motorways - WTF?).

I had no idea of this - I assumed it was <7.5T and therefore same as a car. If it had been one of two recognised campers (VW California and something I've never heard of) which are exactly the same size and weight, that would be OK - they're the same as a car, apparently. What a load of bollocks.

But ignorance is no defence, and I'll take what's coming, I'm a Div and I should have known better it would seem.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 13, 2018, 10:00:51 pm
I'd never heard of a DPV either, but recently became aware (fortunately before I got caught speeding in one) of those speed limits for <3.5tonne vans.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on August 13, 2018, 10:01:12 pm
Blimey, that page on CDV and DPV is clear as mud...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on August 13, 2018, 10:59:30 pm
And it's exactly on the limit 'recommended' for enforcement of +10% & 2mph over.

That's wank. Pure revenue raising.

No. I've heard EVERY argument. Don't even bother.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 13, 2018, 11:03:23 pm
What *is* the logic behind having different speed limits for different classes anyway?  I'd naively expect it to reflect the effect of mass on stopping distance etc.  But if so, why does it matter within a weight class what your exact configuration of windows and seats might be?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on August 14, 2018, 04:03:18 pm
Presumably different vehicles behave in different ways even if they have similar stopping distance. For instance, it makes sense to distinguish between rigid vehicles and articulated or drawing trailers. I think I can also see some point in giving buses a higher limit than lorries, if only because shorter journey times = more passengers = fewer cars on the road. Similarly it would seem reckless to allow agricultural vehicles with the width of a barn and similar visibility (due to the cab being at barn roof level) to go as fast as a lorry, even if they have the same weight. But those are pretty obvious and if anyone doesn't know whether they're driving a lorry or a bus, they probably shouldn't be allowed out without supervision. Whereas the differences between car-derived van, dual-purpose van, light commercial vehicle, motor caravan and – I think there was another one? – are definitely not obvious and really don't seem pertinent.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on August 14, 2018, 04:13:40 pm
I suppose a dual purpose van is likely to have a load space full of boxes and tools that are unlikely to be fastened down. All that loose mass is bound to affect the way a vehicle reacts in an emergency braking situation.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on August 14, 2018, 04:19:53 pm
The same applies to many people's cars!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SteveC on August 14, 2018, 04:32:27 pm
The different limits have been in force for years.
Our second car,  circa 1965, was a Ford Thames van which had a lower speed limit than our previous car. I was told at the time this was because of the restricted visibility in the van.
It was irrelevant as neither vehicle could reach anything like 60 mph
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Chris S on August 14, 2018, 04:35:45 pm
And it's exactly on the limit 'recommended' for enforcement of +10% & 2mph over.

That's wank. Pure revenue raising.

Or just bad luck - which if it continues, probably means I won't get the choice of a Speed Awareness Course as I've already done one (years ago). I was doing 35 in a 30 zone that time - again, right on the borderline. Sigh...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jakob W on August 14, 2018, 06:41:31 pm
Wonder how that works technically? Does everything within 10 mph of the limit get run through ANPR?

(And I'd never heard of these limits either.)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on August 15, 2018, 09:53:31 am
Making 2 slices of toast on a Dualit toaster involves switching the number of slices to two.

You'd think I might have grasped that one after 16 years of Dualit toaster ownership.

You might also imagine that having been using the thing for so long, I never get caught out by someone having unplugged it.*

You'd think that, wouldn't you?



*For those not familiar with Dualit operation, it uses a clockwork timer and manual pop-up mechanism. Its robust simplicity is its strength (it's still going strong after 16 years) but also its weakness, as it is possible to operate it without power, which means it is possible to stand there for several minutes watching the timer wind down, only to be left with still cold bread at the end of it...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on August 15, 2018, 10:30:47 am
Making 2 slices of toast on a Dualit toaster involves switching the number of slices to two.

You'd think I might have grasped that one after 16 years of Dualit toaster ownership.

You might also imagine that having been using the thing for so long, I never get caught out by someone having unplugged it.*

You'd think that, wouldn't you?



*For those not familiar with Dualit operation, it uses a clockwork timer and manual pop-up mechanism. Its robust simplicity is its strength (it's still going strong after 16 years) but also its weakness, as it is possible to operate it without power, which means it is possible to stand there for several minutes watching the timer wind down, only to be left with still cold bread at the end of it...
It's also repairable, which is a good thing. The clockwork switch was a weak point in ours, but since I changed it there have been no toast related incidents caused by mechanical failure. User mis-operation though cannot be discounted.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on August 15, 2018, 12:07:19 pm


You'd think that, wouldn't you?




I don't think I'm allowed to.



(probably 19 years, here)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on August 19, 2018, 07:17:43 pm
Just dropped my Dremel 800 cordless rotary tool. It went bang.  Nasty electrical smell. Won't do anything other than a brief flash of an LED.  I'm really piss*d because a month ago I gave it a new speed controller, at £40, and it responded, lovingly, by returning to full working order.

Needless to say, well obsolete.  Fleabay has a used one, so may go for that as I already have a good Lion battery for it.

Feels like a bereavement.  I use that tool nearly every day.  It's always ready to go, it never lets me down, it's as faithful as an ageing labrador.  And I let it down by dropping it.  We've been together for many years, built and repaired many model aeroplanes, shortened over-long mudguard stays, drilled loads of small pilot holes in advance of the bigger tools doing their stuff.

Boo hoo..... I may have to have a stiff Port Charlotte malt.......

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on August 20, 2018, 12:00:49 pm
While doing some tidying up, I just found my race number and timing tag from last year's London CX league season. Thought I'd sent them both back months ago. Oops! Organiser says they've already forked out for replacements for unreturned numbers for this season...  :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: lou boutin on August 20, 2018, 06:35:05 pm
It's taken me three year to put two and two together and come up with four.  Basically, if you can have tattoos removed, then you can have radiotherapy markers removed too! Yep, they are just 3 dots, No one sees them except me and MrLB (if he's lucky), it's just that they are a reminder of something that I don't want to be reminded of!  Yay!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on August 20, 2018, 08:02:14 pm
Why wouldn't they just tell you that, rather than you having to work it out?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on August 21, 2018, 08:17:39 am
While putting my bottles on the bike for yesterday's toddle I realized that the bag containing my spare tubes & levers was not on the bike but was attached to my SQR frame, and that that had remained upstairs in the bedroom with my Audax Super C for the last two weeks.

Div + Order of the Jammy Sod for that one, I think.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: tiermat on August 21, 2018, 08:26:03 am
And it's exactly on the limit 'recommended' for enforcement of +10% & 2mph over.

That's wank. Pure revenue raising.

Or just bad luck - which if it continues, probably means I won't get the choice of a Speed Awareness Course as I've already done one (years ago). I was doing 35 in a 30 zone that time - again, right on the borderline. Sigh...

If it was more than 3 years ago, you will be in with a shout.

DNAHIKT
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on August 21, 2018, 08:46:15 am
Instead of buying the recommended power supply for my new looper pedal* I bought the one at the bottom of the page that came with extra cables.

The one I bought is centre positive, the one I need is centre negative :facepalm:


*not compatible with most bicycles
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 21, 2018, 12:22:28 pm
Centre negative is a work of Stan
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on August 21, 2018, 01:01:44 pm
Step 1. Spend about 30 minutes tearing things apart to find the Swiss power lead for my laptop for business trip. BECAUSE I'VE GOT ONE SOMEWHERE. Fail.

Step 2. Leave laptop power supply in its entirety at home.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on August 21, 2018, 01:10:25 pm
Centre negative is a work of Stan

But seems to be standard for effects pedals, at least those that I own
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: lou boutin on August 25, 2018, 08:12:09 am
Why wouldn't they just tell you that, rather than you having to work it out?

The medical tattooist told me that most ladies have the dots covered with a ribbon tattoo. When I nearly fainted at the sight of the tattoo machine, she agreed that perhaps that it wasn't a good idea for me to do that.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fimm on August 28, 2018, 10:33:46 am
Me, yesterday, on the phone to the bank:
"I have some standing orders that don't appear to have been paid, can you investigate?"
Nice chap at bank: "They will be paid on the next working day..."
Penny drops. It is a Bank Holiday in England!

(Quite why the bank computers need a holiday is a whole different question, but we won't go there...)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 28, 2018, 10:57:31 am
Don't knock it: Sneaking extra public holidays through parliament under cover of being an obscure bit of banking legislation was one of the UK government's greatest triumphs.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on August 28, 2018, 01:10:17 pm
Me, yesterday, on the phone to the bank:
"I have some standing orders that don't appear to have been paid, can you investigate?"
Nice chap at bank: "They will be paid on the next working day..."
Penny drops. It is a Bank Holiday in England!

(Quite why the bank computers need a holiday is a whole different question, but we won't go there...)

Scottish banks observe English Bank Holidays, as I found to my cost when I left my purse containing RBS cards on a bus in Edinburgh late one August...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fimm on August 28, 2018, 01:31:12 pm
This is an English/British bank.
The problem was that not all Scottish people observe English Bank Holidays, so I had forgotten that there was one...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on August 28, 2018, 01:40:27 pm
Obviously what's needed is an act of parliament requiring us all to observe each other's holidays, in the interests of uniting the United Kingdom.  The current lot are probably sufficiently scared of Scottish independence that they might go for it...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on August 28, 2018, 02:13:08 pm
over the weekend I was using my trangia to cook pasta (greenbelt festival) so had the 'frying pan' on top of the pan as a lid. I moved it to inspect the cooking progress.....


with my finger and thumb, as a metal pan over a pan of boiling water won't be hot will it.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on August 28, 2018, 06:32:57 pm
This is an English/British bank.
The problem was that not all Scottish people observe English Bank Holidays, so I had forgotten that there was one...

I didn't expect banks to be closed; it certainly didn't feel like a Bank Holiday. I was within a stone's throw of the HQ of the Royal Bank of 'Scotland'. (I know it's part of NatWest.)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on August 28, 2018, 08:15:32 pm
Riding along a Dutch fietspad the bike felt a bit odd, like the front end was loose.....


The front end _was_ loose. I hadn’t used enough welly when retightening the S&S couplings after lubing them during the last service  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on August 28, 2018, 09:26:12 pm
Having sharpened my kindling axe, I did something today that only a complete fecking eejit would do. Once. Cue sore finger and blood dripping.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Legs on August 29, 2018, 12:00:12 pm
Riding along a Dutch fietspad the bike felt a bit odd, like the front end was loose.....


The front end _was_ loose. I hadn’t used enough welly when retightening the S&S couplings after lubing them during the last service  :facepalm:

Way back when, Stuart Lemanski (whose mechanical woes are related in Michael Hutchinson's The Hour book) rode a 19-minute club '10', then, when wheeling his bike back into his house, lifted the front end and the wheel fell out.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on August 29, 2018, 12:04:13 pm
This is an English/British bank.
The problem was that not all Scottish people observe English Bank Holidays, so I had forgotten that there was one...

I didn't expect banks to be closed; it certainly didn't feel like a Bank Holiday. I was within a stone's throw of the HQ of the Royal Bank of 'Scotland'. (I know it's part of NatWest.)
AIUI Bank Holidays in Scotland are holidays for banks but not for anyone else.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fimm on August 29, 2018, 01:33:12 pm
This is an English/British bank.
The problem was that not all Scottish people observe English Bank Holidays, so I had forgotten that there was one...

I didn't expect banks to be closed; it certainly didn't feel like a Bank Holiday. I was within a stone's throw of the HQ of the Royal Bank of 'Scotland'. (I know it's part of NatWest.)
AIUI Bank Holidays in Scotland are holidays for banks but not for anyone else.
Do NOT get me started on Public Holidays in Scotland...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on August 29, 2018, 02:19:36 pm
Having sharpened my kindling axe, I did something today that only a complete fecking eejit would do. Once. Cue sore finger and blood dripping.

Ahem, I've still got the scar, some 55 years later, on my thumb, after a similar incident, chopping firewood.  I recall my late mum dragging me upstairs to the bathroom for repairs.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on August 29, 2018, 02:20:00 pm
This is an English/British bank.
The problem was that not all Scottish people observe English Bank Holidays, so I had forgotten that there was one...

I didn't expect banks to be closed; it certainly didn't feel like a Bank Holiday. I was within a stone's throw of the HQ of the Royal Bank of 'Scotland'. (I know it's part of NatWest.)
AIUI Bank Holidays in Scotland are holidays for banks but not for anyone else.

I think that's right. PITA when you've left your purse on the bus but

this is the 'Fecking Div' thread...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on August 29, 2018, 09:08:04 pm
Just realised it's one kg of sugar to one kg of blackberries, not two, like the marmalade recipe.

Rats.  Tastes a bit sweet, but we'll see if it's edible in the morning.  Otherwise the dog and I will have to pick some more.  Took me a while to realise that he was emptying the tub almost as fast as I was filling it.  Once I'd explained to him how the system worked, he went off the pick his own, from those near ground level that I won't pick, as they are in dog leg-cocking range...….  He's not as fussy.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on September 01, 2018, 09:26:21 am
Was a bit surprised the other day that the bill for wood & hardware that I bought to make a base for my new Bosch saw came to 116 €.

Was downright pissed off this morning to see an ad for a Bosch base for said saw: 119 €.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on September 01, 2018, 09:46:50 am
Was on holiday last week and couldn’t find my iPad despite being sure that I’d packed it. Got home yesterday and found it in a side pocket of my bag.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on September 02, 2018, 10:18:18 am
As I swept open my dressing gown and plonked myself down on the not, I failed to notice that one side of the towelling belt had dropped into the bowl.
Yes, dear reader.  I shat on it.

 :-X
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: robgul on September 02, 2018, 10:46:21 am
As I swept open my dressing gown and plonked myself down on the not, I failed to notice that one side of the towelling belt had dropped into the bowl.
Yes, dear reader.  I shat on it.

 :-X

No problem, wait for it to dry and you brush it off  :hand:

Rob
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on September 02, 2018, 01:55:56 pm
As I swept open my dressing gown and plonked myself down on the not, I failed to notice that one side of the towelling belt had dropped into the bowl.
Yes, dear reader.  I shat on it.

 :-X

I feel for you, but not literally.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on September 02, 2018, 02:10:13 pm
Obviously I meant I was sitting on the 'bog'.  Not the 'not', whatever that would be.  Still you seemed to have got that.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on September 02, 2018, 02:52:11 pm
*chortle*
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 02, 2018, 04:11:39 pm
Obviously I meant I was sitting on the 'bog'.  Not the 'not', whatever that would be.  Still you seemed to have got that.

At least it didn't come out as sitting on the boy.  I recommend a hot wash
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on September 02, 2018, 04:18:00 pm
Obviously I meant I was sitting on the 'bog'.  Not the 'not', whatever that would be.  Still you seemed to have got that.

I rather liked not as it was, especially since it means emergency in German.  When I was first in Stuttgart I used to look at the Notausgang signs in the tunnels and wonder why they labelled the doors that way if you couldn't go through them.

When you've been living outside the country for decades you approach any unfamiliar usage with caution, in case something that seems innocuous turns out to be unutterably filthy.  That's how I discovered the secondary meaning of glory hole.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on September 02, 2018, 09:38:15 pm
I spent the day at donnington park watching my uncle race his austin 7 special. All great fun and i hope some of my pictures came out ok.

However this div left his suncream in his tent. The back of my neck now feels rather tight and hot.

Mind you i wasn't racing in the locost caterham series who had 3 races and 4 red flags in the weekend including a race where 34 lined up for the start and before one lap was completed the red flag was out. Only 21 returned to the grid!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Aunt Maud on September 02, 2018, 09:51:20 pm
Having sharpened my kindling axe, I did something today that only a complete fecking eejit would do. Once. Cue sore finger and blood dripping.

Ahem, I've still got the scar, some 55 years later, on my thumb, after a similar incident, chopping firewood.  I recall my late mum dragging me upstairs to the bathroom for repairs.

I tried to chop my foot off with an adze, luckily the boney bit in my shin stoped it going all the way across to the other side.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on September 03, 2018, 04:14:19 pm
Bought a long out-of-print book "Rudiments and Theory of Music" back in January.  Our new pup ate it a few weeks later.

Music teacher today referred me to it, so I thought I'd better buy another.  Found one 2nd hand on Amazon, and bought it.

Opened a drawer in my desk, looking for something else, and there was another copy of the book. Doh.  Must have bought a replacement copy, but I don't remember it.  Anno Domini.....  Maybe I'd better refer to it more often so that I know where it is.

Have emailed the seller to ask (nicely) for a cancellation.

(....crawls back under his stone....)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrew Br on September 03, 2018, 04:33:00 pm
I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................ :facepalm:

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on September 03, 2018, 04:59:48 pm
I messed up some git/gerrit pushes a couple of weeks back, so rather than cock it up further, asked an expert to sit with me and work through how to fix it.

Expert did so.

Get in to work this morning. Start working. Erm, this other file, that wasn't part of the submissions and changes. It seems to have reverted to a version from 2 months back . . .

I didn't make a backup before getting said expert to enter the majik incantations. My local copy has been overwritten with one from the head. Lost two months of updates. It is the main configuration file. Nobody else has a copy. I wasn't making daily or even weekly personal backups because it was on a server.

Arse
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: woollypigs on September 03, 2018, 06:52:04 pm
OUCH I feel your pain !
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on September 03, 2018, 07:04:35 pm
Quote from: mrcharly-YHT
I messed up some git/gerrit pushes...
*winces*

In less serious news...
When using thinned PVA to affix tissue to balsa, do not, the not bit is important,  put a small pool of cyano on the same bit of yoghurt pot lid that is serving as your PVA glue "pot" and do not, these nots are important, then try to clean your favourite* cut-down 00 glue applying brush in it rather than in the small pot of water that you have set out for that express purpose.

*Well, it was my favourite glue applying brush.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 03, 2018, 07:35:32 pm
I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................ :facepalm:

Ha!  I caught my daughter wearing a shirt inside out on Saturday, at about 7pm!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on September 03, 2018, 07:46:26 pm
I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................ :facepalm:

Ha!  I caught my daughter wearing a shirt inside out on Saturday, at about 7pm!

Probably  a young person fashion statement.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on September 03, 2018, 08:01:43 pm
I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................ :facepalm:

Ha!  I caught my daughter wearing a shirt inside out on Saturday, at about 7pm!

Probably  a young person fashion statement.

Yep.  Everyone wears their clothes inside-out in 2015.  I saw it in the documentary Back To The Future II
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: iddu on September 03, 2018, 09:33:22 pm
After taking the piss from the SO about backing the car into a post...when getting under cover to do a fill and respray, don't drive into the garage door and crumple the wing :facepalm:

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on September 03, 2018, 10:10:47 pm
I put my bib shorts on back-to-front yesterday.
"Never mind" I thought, "take one leg out, spin them round and you'll be good to go" ................ :facepalm:

Ha!  I caught my daughter wearing a shirt inside out on Saturday, at about 7pm!

Probably  a young person fashion statement.
She might be a professional tennis player.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on September 04, 2018, 07:57:11 am
In less serious news...
When using thinned PVA to affix tissue to balsa, do not, the not bit is important,  put a small pool of cyano on the same bit of yoghurt pot lid that is serving as your PVA glue "pot" and do not, these nots are important, then try to clean your favourite* cut-down 00 glue applying brush in it rather than in the small pot of water that you have set out for that express purpose.

I'd never do that.  No, not ever, never in fact...…………………..
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on September 04, 2018, 03:38:33 pm
I did that online 'heart age' test and was rather disappointed to have a heart age of 55...
... then I remembered that I am 60 now...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: LittleWheelsandBig on September 04, 2018, 04:53:27 pm
I have a heart age of 54, somewhat older than I am, which was a little disappointing.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on September 04, 2018, 04:57:02 pm
Mine was 40, and there didn't seem to be much I could do to reduce it.  Which is at least consistent with the rest of my body.

I had to lie about the family history, though, as there wasn't an 'unknown' option.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on September 04, 2018, 05:07:37 pm
Give the same answers but supply a random Hampstead postcode and see if that improves things!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on September 04, 2018, 05:14:57 pm
Surely there should be something about activity and exercise? Those are prime indicators of cardiovascular health (as is socio-economic status). My resting heart rate is about 42, which is half the pace of many people, so I'll live twice as long (and double that because I shop at Waitrose). Fact. I base this on shrews. They have really fast heart rates and don't live very long. Probably. I've never seen an old shrew anyway. In Waitrose. Possibly they go to Lidl.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on September 04, 2018, 05:18:57 pm
Give the same answers but supply a random Hampstead postcode and see if that improves things!

No change with Hampstead, Erdington or Gorbals, at which point I got bored.  But maybe that's because I've short-circuited some logic by not smoking etc.

Interestingly losing weight didn't make a jot of difference.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on September 04, 2018, 05:41:52 pm
I did the same test. Heart age of 57 (I'm 51).

The high rating was based on my BMI, according to the website (25.1).

Trouble is, I've had a very thorough health check recently, including a body fat measurement by electrodes, which stated I have a body fat level in the healthy range for a 20-year old.

I declare that NHS questionnaire to be utterly bunkum.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on September 04, 2018, 05:55:59 pm
I declare that NHS questionnaire to be utterly bunkum.

Nahh, it's just another way of telling people who drink, smoke, eat all the pies and never exercise that maybe they're at risk of heart disease.  Fine as far as it goes, but not a scientific tool.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on September 04, 2018, 06:10:08 pm
Given that I’m something of a blob at the moment Is was very disappointed to see that losing weight only lowers my heart age by two year. So no real gains in losing weight then.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 04, 2018, 06:17:16 pm
I did it once with my real postcode and once pretending I lived in Clifton Village (the "posh" bit of Bristol) and both times it said my heart was as old as I am. Which is perhaps disappointing given the things I could tell it for certain were my postcode, age and height.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SteveC on September 04, 2018, 06:36:03 pm
I don't know my current blood pressure or cholesterol level, so I put 'don't know' in for both of those.
I do know that the last time my blood pressure was checked the doctor said it was 'perfect' and that my cholesterol was very marginally high on one check about six years ago, but the last time it was checked it was OK. I just don't know the numbers.
So, putting 'don't know' for both those questions it gave me an age two years above my current one.
Taking the option to lower both, it brought my heart age down to my real age.

Has anyone managed to get a score lower than the calendar?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 04, 2018, 06:40:10 pm
I don't know my current blood pressure or cholesterol level, so I put 'don't know' in for both of those.
I do know that the last time my blood pressure was checked the doctor said it was 'perfect' and that my cholesterol was very marginally high on one check about six years ago, but the last time it was checked it was OK. I just don't know the numbers.
So, putting 'don't know' for both those questions it gave me an age two years above my current one.
Taking the option to lower both, it brought my heart age down to my real age.

Has anyone managed to get a score lower than the calendar?
Helly, a few posts ago.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SteveC on September 04, 2018, 06:42:39 pm
Helly, a few posts ago.
Oh, yes. I did see that, but on the phone at work. Wonder what the secret is?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on September 04, 2018, 06:53:15 pm
I don't know my current blood pressure or cholesterol level, so I put 'don't know' in for both of those.
I do know that the last time my blood pressure was checked the doctor said it was 'perfect' and that my cholesterol was very marginally high on one check about six years ago, but the last time it was checked it was OK. I just don't know the numbers.
So, putting 'don't know' for both those questions it gave me an age two years above my current one.
Taking the option to lower both, it brought my heart age down to my real age.

Has anyone managed to get a score lower than the calendar?

Me! As I posted upthread, it gave me an age of 55 and I'm 60.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 04, 2018, 06:58:10 pm
Helly, a few posts ago.
Oh, yes. I did see that, but on the phone at work. Wonder what the secret is?
The secret is Helly's healthy lifestyle. Either that or a new wonder pill she knows about, it's a secret not revealed to conventional medical science but which she is prepared to tell you about on receipt of appropriate payment.  :D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on September 04, 2018, 06:59:22 pm
Helly, a few posts ago.
Oh, yes. I did see that, but on the phone at work. Wonder what the secret is?

A very boring, blameless lifestyle and good genes.

I suspect, now I am 60, the algorithm might give me some credit for reaching this age without getting any of the obvious known risk factors.

I can tick all the right boxes.

I am fortunate in having forebears who last a long time and (don't drink, don't smoke - what do you do?) I'm not too blobby.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on September 04, 2018, 07:03:39 pm
I just drained some pasta using my Trangia pasta draining disk. Didn’t hold it on tight enough so that’s half my dinner on the sandy floor  :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 04, 2018, 07:49:31 pm
Surely there should be something about activity and exercise? Those are prime indicators of cardiovascular health (as is socio-economic status). My resting heart rate is about 42, which is half the pace of many people, so I'll live twice as long (and double that because I shop at Waitrose). Fact. I base this on shrews. They have really fast heart rates and don't live very long. Probably. I've never seen an old shrew anyway. In Waitrose. Possibly they go to Lidl.

that was my conjecture as well, RHR of 45-50, bloody fit. Yes I'm diabetic, but T1, and BMI<22.  And no options for yes I smoke, but only the odd cigar now and then.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on September 04, 2018, 09:45:40 pm
It told me my bp was high - everyone has always told me it's been great before. I could have mis-remembered of course.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on September 04, 2018, 11:55:47 pm
It told me my bp was high - everyone has always told me it's been great before. I could have mis-remembered of course.

I think they've moved the goalposts and now recommend a blood pressure below 120mmHg systolic.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on September 05, 2018, 04:32:42 am
Yesterday I bought some cheese, because I like cheese.  This evening I thought I would eat some of the cheese I bought yesterday because, as previously noted, I like cheese.  But soft!  Where is the cheese?

Q: Is it in the fridge?
A: No.  No, it is not.
Q: Is it, then, hiding under the biscuits in that carrier bag I brought all the way from Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles to exotic Canuckistan?
A: No.  No, it is not there either.

This leads me to conclude that the cheese, which I like, is in the other fridge.  In the room I vacated this morning.  In Smithers.  600 kilometres away.

Feck and, moreover, Arse!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on September 05, 2018, 09:39:05 am
Surely there should be something about activity and exercise? Those are prime indicators of cardiovascular health (as is socio-economic status). My resting heart rate is about 42, which is half the pace of many people, so I'll live twice as long (and double that because I shop at Waitrose). Fact. I base this on shrews. They have really fast heart rates and don't live very long. Probably. I've never seen an old shrew anyway. In Waitrose. Possibly they go to Lidl.

that was my conjecture as well, RHR of 45-50, bloody fit. Yes I'm diabetic, but T1, and BMI<22.  And no options for yes I smoke, but only the odd cigar now and then.

I couldn't get an heart age lower than my actual age, so cardiac youthfulness evaded me. I don't know my blood pressure (other than it was perfectly fine the last time the doctor tortured me) or cholesterol (never been tested), but pressing the buttons to lower my stats didn't un-age me. Basically, it told me I'm not a podge which I kind of kind of knew because I can still see my feet when I look down.

I sort of appreciate what tools like this are trying to do, but I think focus is misleading, there's a lot more that contributes to cardiovascular health and outcomes. Last time I was at the doctors, he was astounded that I swim every day.

I did see a shrew the other day. I didn't ask how old it was.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on September 05, 2018, 01:11:10 pm
Mr. L. It might be an idea to let your previous abode know of your suspicions.

Especially if the room will be unoccupied for a while.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 05, 2018, 08:27:37 pm
I'm not doing well this week, attended minor injuries this lunchtime with a 1"/2,5cm/25mm (see gravel thread) gash along the top of my left index finger, requiring superglue and  butterfly closure.  Now with a dressing on and a mass of tubigrip to stop me bending it too much I'm realising how much the index finger is used.  Showering, typing, driving, etc. 

Outer dressing needs to stay on till friday, which may mean the use of lobster mitts for my ride as that's the only things that'll fit
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mcshroom on September 05, 2018, 08:39:08 pm
I just opened my church choir music bag to run practice, and found the bottle of milk I brought home after the coffee morning on Sunday. At least the bottle was still sealed!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on September 05, 2018, 08:40:52 pm
I'm not doing well this week, attended minor injuries this lunchtime with a 1"/2,5cm/25mm (see gravel thread) gash along the top of my left index finger, requiring superglue and  butterfly closure.  Now with a dressing on and a mass of tubigrip to stop me bending it too much I'm realising how much the index finger is used.  Showering, typing, driving, etc. 

Outer dressing needs to stay on till friday, which may mean the use of lobster mitts for my ride as that's the only things that'll fit
You can’t make posts of an ambiguous nature like this on this thread. We need details of your FDness. What do you think this is? FarceBrook??

  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on September 06, 2018, 06:11:57 am
Mr. L. It might be an idea to let your previous abode know of your suspicions.

Especially if the room will be unoccupied for a while.

That would require me to have a working telephone.  Ironically, the only place on the trip so far, other than Calgary airport, where it has actually connected to a network was in the cheese-afflicted motel.  But I would imagine the staff would check the fridge when they go in to do bed linen, towels and so forth.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: cycleman on September 06, 2018, 06:38:42 pm
I turned onto the a4 cycleway in slough this evening and clipped the kerb with the non driveside wheel tipping the ez3 onto it's side. As I lay on the pavement gathering my wits I felt a right Pollack.no harm done except to my pride  ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on September 06, 2018, 06:50:59 pm
As long as you are not too battered...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on September 06, 2018, 07:18:04 pm
Eel be fine.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 06, 2018, 08:03:43 pm
how embarrased? On a scale of 1-10?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 06, 2018, 09:03:58 pm
I'm not doing well this week, attended minor injuries this lunchtime with a 1"/2,5cm/25mm (see gravel thread) gash along the top of my left index finger, requiring superglue and  butterfly closure.  Now with a dressing on and a mass of tubigrip to stop me bending it too much I'm realising how much the index finger is used.  Showering, typing, driving, etc. 

Outer dressing needs to stay on till friday, which may mean the use of lobster mitts for my ride as that's the only things that'll fit
You can’t make posts of an ambiguous nature like this on this thread. We need details of your FDness. What do you think this is? FarceBrook??

  ;D

sharp thing, concentration fail, finger, ouch, red, minor injuries
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: cycleman on September 07, 2018, 07:56:37 am
how embarrased? On a scale of 1-10?
12  ;)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 07, 2018, 01:26:47 pm
I'm not doing well this week, attended minor injuries this lunchtime with a 1"/2,5cm/25mm (see gravel thread) gash along the top of my left index finger, requiring superglue and  butterfly closure.  Now with a dressing on and a mass of tubigrip to stop me bending it too much I'm realising how much the index finger is used.  Showering, typing, driving, etc. 

Outer dressing needs to stay on till friday, which may mean the use of lobster mitts for my ride as that's the only things that'll fit
Ooh, euro maths punctuation!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 07, 2018, 02:17:39 pm
I'm not doing well this week, attended minor injuries this lunchtime with a 1"/2,5cm/25mm (see gravel thread) gash along the top of my left index finger, requiring superglue and  butterfly closure.  Now with a dressing on and a mass of tubigrip to stop me bending it too much I'm realising how much the index finger is used.  Showering, typing, driving, etc. 

Outer dressing needs to stay on till friday, which may mean the use of lobster mitts for my ride as that's the only things that'll fit
Ooh, euro maths punctuation!

does that make me a polymath?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 07, 2018, 04:25:03 pm
I'm not doing well this week, attended minor injuries this lunchtime with a 1"/2,5cm/25mm (see gravel thread) gash along the top of my left index finger, requiring superglue and  butterfly closure.  Now with a dressing on and a mass of tubigrip to stop me bending it too much I'm realising how much the index finger is used.  Showering, typing, driving, etc. 

Outer dressing needs to stay on till friday, which may mean the use of lobster mitts for my ride as that's the only things that'll fit
Ooh, euro maths punctuation!

does that make me a polymath?
Not unless you're a counting parrot.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 07, 2018, 05:19:18 pm
I'm not doing well this week, attended minor injuries this lunchtime with a 1"/2,5cm/25mm (see gravel thread) gash along the top of my left index finger, requiring superglue and  butterfly closure.  Now with a dressing on and a mass of tubigrip to stop me bending it too much I'm realising how much the index finger is used.  Showering, typing, driving, etc. 

Outer dressing needs to stay on till friday, which may mean the use of lobster mitts for my ride as that's the only things that'll fit
Ooh, euro maths punctuation!

does that make me a polymath?
Not unless you're a counting parrot.

pieces of eight!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on September 07, 2018, 05:47:57 pm
I'm not doing well this week, attended minor injuries this lunchtime with a 1"/2,5cm/25mm (see gravel thread) gash along the top of my left index finger, requiring superglue and  butterfly closure.  Now with a dressing on and a mass of tubigrip to stop me bending it too much I'm realising how much the index finger is used.  Showering, typing, driving, etc. 

Outer dressing needs to stay on till friday, which may mean the use of lobster mitts for my ride as that's the only things that'll fit
Ooh, euro maths punctuation!

does that make me a polymath?
Not unless you're a counting parrot.

pieces of eight!
pieces of nine. Parroty error.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on September 08, 2018, 11:48:31 am
It is now a year since I stopped commuting by upwrong and switched to Brompton.  I am still walking away from my desk roughly once a fortnight fully kitted up and heading for the  basement.  The basement where the upwrong lived, which was under the square outside our building not under the building itself, was demolished 9 months ago.  The Brompton naturally lives under my desk.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on September 08, 2018, 01:33:56 pm
Drilled a side-dot hole into the edge of a painstakingly thicknessed, marked-up and slotted fretboard - a morning's work - and came up through the surface. :facepalm:

Knowing my penchant for buggering stuff up I was doing the fretboard before gluing it onto the neck so that's all that's lost, and I can use it on a guitar for myself, but this one has to be ready for someone's birthday next week. :shit:  At least I wasn't using ebony.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on September 19, 2018, 05:32:40 am
I just opened a sachet of sugar to put in my tea...

...and poured it into the bin instead of the mug :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on September 19, 2018, 09:13:24 am
Best place for it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on September 20, 2018, 01:39:53 am
Put my glasses down on the bed.  Put my elbow down on the glasses.  Glasses now only have one arm.

Bah!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on September 20, 2018, 06:39:01 am
Oops. That's why the best place for them is your face...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on September 20, 2018, 07:20:24 am
I trust the elbow is still in good repair.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on September 21, 2018, 04:45:28 am
Arm at snappage point approximately 2 mm in diameter, so no damage to elbow.  But frames made of Ti, which is not supposed to break.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on September 21, 2018, 06:18:45 am
I've broken Ti frames before, fatigue failure on the bridge.

I had a helicopter wreck a stainless steel pair for me
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on September 21, 2018, 01:51:07 pm
FNRttC tonight, so obviously I just broke my rear light changing the flatteries.

To the soddering iron!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on September 21, 2018, 01:53:25 pm
FNRttC tonight, so obviously I just broke my rear light changing the flatteries.

To the soddering iron!

But, don't you know dahling? Flatteries are soooo last year.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Peter on September 21, 2018, 02:00:20 pm

I had a helicopter wreck a stainless steel pair for me

There's posh for you - I have to break my own.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on September 24, 2018, 11:34:46 am
I sold an iPad recently. It'd been sat in a drawer for so long (it was a backup "just in case" device) I'd forgotten I'd ever set it up. So I just had to do a remote erase  ::-)  :hand:.  Thanks goodness for modern technology  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on September 24, 2018, 12:14:52 pm
Making coffee and loading the washingmangler are jobs which should be done separately. Having got the new-fangled front-loading whirling-television-of-textile-death loaded I caught myself pouring the contents of a just-boiled kettle onto the generous scoop of Fairy non-Bio in my coffee mug. :facepalm:

I need a Responsible Adult.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 24, 2018, 12:17:19 pm
"Want a coffee, Bert? Guy's just put the kettle on."
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on September 24, 2018, 12:41:34 pm
Making coffee and loading the washingmangler are jobs which should be done separately. Having got the new-fangled front-loading whirling-television-of-textile-death loaded I caught myself pouring the contents of a just-boiled kettle onto the generous scoop of Fairy non-Bio in my coffee mug. :facepalm:

I need a Responsible Adult.
So, are the clothes being washed in nescafe?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on September 24, 2018, 01:06:20 pm
It's gone a bit quiet. Everything okay Guy?

Or is everything brown?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on September 24, 2018, 02:39:22 pm
Thankfully, I hadn't got as far as opening the coffee jar. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: chrisbainbridge on September 24, 2018, 04:50:36 pm
I did once tak an almost full jar of instant coffee granules and just fill it with boiling water making an incredibly strong jar of coffee!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on September 24, 2018, 04:53:29 pm
I once put grapefruit juice in my coffee. OK, more than once. The result actually tastes worse than it sounds.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on September 24, 2018, 04:54:55 pm
Many moons ago where I worked had water boilers for the making of tea and coffee. Occasionally they went on the blink, and I had to resort to the vending machine. One such day I got a cup of milk - it wasn't uncommon for the vending machines to run out of one ingredient or other. So I went in search of coffee granules, and completed my beverage. Only to find that I have just put coffee into chicken soup.  :sick:  It's 35 years ago and I still shudder at the taste!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on September 24, 2018, 05:40:25 pm
I once put grapefruit juice in my coffee. OK, more than once. The result actually tastes worse than it sounds.

If Guy needs a"responsible adult" then I think you need 24/7 supervision...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SteveC on September 24, 2018, 07:44:19 pm
In the departmental common room at uni we had a coffee machine which started giving a random number of the ingredients needed to make what was ordered.
So your white coffee with sugar would come with some, but not all, of coffee, milk powder, sugar, hot water and a cup.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on September 24, 2018, 11:09:38 pm
Fairly standard for any 'loose ingredients' vending machine IME...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on September 25, 2018, 08:16:45 am
In the departmental common room at uni we had a coffee machine which started giving a random number of the ingredients needed to make what was ordered.
So your white coffee with sugar would come with some, but not all, of coffee, milk powder, sugar, hot water and a cup.

https://youtu.be/tWVPZHysyxc
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on September 25, 2018, 08:39:47 am
In the departmental common room at uni we had a coffee machine which started giving a random number of the ingredients needed to make what was ordered.
Made by Sirius Cybernetics? :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on September 25, 2018, 09:11:51 am
Many moons ago where I worked had water boilers for the making of tea and coffee. Occasionally they went on the blink, and I had to resort to the vending machine. One such day I got a cup of milk - it wasn't uncommon for the vending machines to run out of one ingredient or other. So I went in search of coffee granules, and completed my beverage. Only to find that I have just put coffee into chicken soup.  :sick:  It's 35 years ago and I still shudder at the taste!

Reminds me of the machine we had back in my first job 30-odd years ago. It was brilliant. Choc Hotolate? Press the button and hey-presto! Steaming paper cup of choc hotolate appears. Same for tea/coffee with/without milk and sugar. Oxtail soup? Ah. Um. You'd get the soup but...

Do you know how disgusting oxtail soup with two sugars is? :sick:

They never did fix that fault.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Morat on September 29, 2018, 06:28:02 pm
Mrs M was taking Master M somewhere this morning by car. I needed to get something from the garage. So, I opened the garage door while the car was outside, idling. This caused the CO alarm in the garage (which houses the gas boiler) to beat against my hangover for the next 20 minutes :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on September 30, 2018, 10:54:55 am
Would it be bad of me to laugh?

If it helps, my enjoyment would be short lived. My busted ribs are part of the 'Down With Mirth Coalition'.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on September 30, 2018, 04:24:13 pm
Mrs M was taking Master M somewhere this morning by car. I needed to get something from the garage. So, I opened the garage door while the car was outside, idling. This caused the CO alarm in the garage (which houses the gas boiler) to beat against my hangover for the next 20 minutes :(
There's a lesson in there, and it's not about boilers or hangovers.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on October 04, 2018, 12:24:53 pm
I have clicked on the wrong train time for my return from Stirling.

I will now have to change at Edinburgh when direct trains were available.

Sorry LWaB!

It's an Advance Purchase ticket so changing the ticket would be spendy.

I are a nidiot!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 04, 2018, 12:35:34 pm
IIRC Stirling-Edinburgh trains stop at every lamp-post.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on October 04, 2018, 12:45:55 pm
Mrs M was taking Master M somewhere this morning by car. I needed to get something from the garage. So, I opened the garage door while the car was outside, idling. This caused the CO alarm in the garage (which houses the gas boiler) to beat against my hangover for the next 20 minutes :(
There's a lesson in there, and it's not about boilers or hangovers.

The charitable version is that you know the CO alarm still works.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on October 04, 2018, 01:47:36 pm
IIRC Stirling-Edinburgh trains stop at every lamp-post.

Indeed they do! 7 intermediate stops twixt £ & Auld Reekie!

Consolation is that booked train arrives a whole 5 min before direct service and does have a cheaper ticket. Ho hum.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on October 04, 2018, 07:07:39 pm
Mrs M was taking Master M somewhere this morning by car. I needed to get something from the garage. So, I opened the garage door while the car was outside, idling. This caused the CO alarm in the garage (which houses the gas boiler) to beat against my hangover for the next 20 minutes :(
There's a lesson in there, and it's not about boilers or hangovers.

The charitable version is that you know the CO alarm still works.
Hmm. That's a positive point, but the lesson I had in mind did not pertain particularly to Morat.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 07, 2018, 01:02:20 pm
Before yesterday's ride, I had a gander in Open Runner at the BadenBaden3.gpx file El Prez had sent me.  Then copied BadenBaden2.gpx into my eTrex.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mcshroom on October 07, 2018, 03:08:04 pm
So that would be why the mattress got caught up on my (ottoman) bed every time I lifted the mechanism! Those screw on loops are not handles, they're supposed to be screwed in the other side to stop the mattress moving  :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on October 19, 2018, 10:49:17 am
Stubbed my toe on a step while walking up the small flight of stairs to my remote command centre. Ordinarily a minor swear, but I was holding a very full cup of coffee in my hand at the time.

It's the only carpeted area on the entire ground floor. Good job, I'm adept at cleaning up spills. Though they usually come from inside a cat.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 19, 2018, 11:10:20 am
So that would be why the mattress got caught up on my (ottoman) bed every time I lifted the mechanism! Those screw on loops are not handles, they're supposed to be screwed in the other side to stop the mattress moving  :-[

It's amazing how often assembly/operating instructions will describe dead simple things in agonizing detail yet leave the not-obvious-at-all as an exercise for the student. Taking the back off my phone, for example, seemed to require force just short of breaking-point, but all the instructions said was "remove the back".
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Salvatore on October 19, 2018, 11:19:23 am
Before yesterday's ride, I had a gander in Open Runner at the BadenBaden3.gpx file El Prez had sent me.  Then copied BadenBaden2.gpx into my eTrex.

To avoid confusion he should have renamed it BadenBadenBaden3.gpx.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SoreTween on October 20, 2018, 08:05:24 am
First thing Monday - set a new password at work.
Rest of the week, type the old password first every single time.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on October 20, 2018, 10:26:44 am
I ordered some binary numbers for my wheelie bins. I got cross while trying to decide which font I wanted them in because the order form kept telling my I was below the minimum size for that font.

The numbers arrived this morning in an A4 card backed envelope.

I couldn’t find the numbers in the envelope so was cursing the supplier for efficiently getting it wrong. I then found the numbers sticky taped to the back of the invoice.

The 25mm numbers look cute on the wheelie bins, but lack the visual punch that the 25cm numbers I thought I’d ordered would have  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: lou boutin on October 20, 2018, 10:35:33 am
Having just been discharged from a 4 day stay in hospital due to a chest infection, asthma and suspected sepsis, I'm now really confused about what I should and shouldn't eat. To protect myself as best as I can from getting cancer again, I should have soy products, fresh fruit, veg, nuts and seeds. However my asthma information says I should keep away from these.  As a vegetarian of 35 years I'm scuppered, I don't seem to be able to eat anything.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on October 20, 2018, 10:48:34 am
Caveat: I have no allergies to anything I've eaten. I don't have asthma and have never been treated for cancer.

Go shopping. Buy some stuff to eat that you fancy.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: lou boutin on October 20, 2018, 11:01:11 am
Yep I'm of the same persuasion. The asthma was only bad because of the chest infection. Eating to support my immune system will help. Also protecting against free radicals puts my mind at rest. Eating to enhance cognitive function makes a big difference to my daily wellbeing.  So I'm going to carry on eating soy, nuts, seeds, fruit and veg (obviously with the odd slice of cake in there too.)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on October 20, 2018, 11:09:58 am
Cake. This. Very much...  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on October 20, 2018, 11:21:54 am
*chortle* at Beardy
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: nicknack on October 21, 2018, 08:24:03 pm
Tipping a full glass of Delerium over my computer keyboard didn't improve its operation much.
It was my last bottle of Delerium too.  :'(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 22, 2018, 09:56:11 am
Aye well.  Last week I had a gut upset one evening and was utterly knackered the next day but pressed on with my current guitar build: I marked out & cut the fret-slots in a fretboard then went happily ahead and put the frets in then dressed the ends, which is a bloody fiddly process - the wood between frets has to be protected with masking tape and each fret gets its ends first shaped with a special file then polished with micromesh. I did all this diligently and contentedly, and was quite chuffed with the finished article.

That's when I realized that I should have glued the damn thing to the neck after slotting and before fretting, because you always make fretboard a fraction wider than the neck and take it down flush after gluing.

As a result I had to wrench two frets out to put in locating pins so that it wouldn't shift during clamping, which caused minor splintering around the slots. Clamping itself involved putting cauls between the frets and using every clamp in the shop instead of just half a dozen on to nice big cauls.   Once the glue had cured I couldn't plane down the edge but had to take it - and my nicely-dressed frets - down with a great big bastard file instead, then mask off the wood, dress & polish the fret-ends all over again, then take care of the splintering that remained visible once the two frets were back in.

Had to work through the weekend instead of cycling. Knackered today, but I've got to press on...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: tiermat on October 22, 2018, 10:30:05 am
I ordered some binary numbers for my wheelie bins. I got cross while trying to decide which font I wanted them in because the order form kept telling my I was below the minimum size for that font.

The numbers arrived this morning in an A4 card backed envelope.

I couldn’t find the numbers in the envelope so was cursing the supplier for efficiently getting it wrong. I then found the numbers sticky taped to the back of the invoice.

The 25mm numbers look cute on the wheelie bins, but lack the visual punch that the 25cm numbers I thought I’d ordered would have  :facepalm:

Easy fix, order some dwarves to manage your bins...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on October 22, 2018, 10:55:03 pm
I ordered some binary numbers for my wheelie bins. I got cross while trying to decide which font I wanted them in because the order form kept telling my I was below the minimum size for that font.

The numbers arrived this morning in an A4 card backed envelope.

I couldn’t find the numbers in the envelope so was cursing the supplier for efficiently getting it wrong. I then found the numbers sticky taped to the back of the invoice.

The 25mm numbers look cute on the wheelie bins, but lack the visual punch that the 25cm numbers I thought I’d ordered would have  :facepalm:

Easy fix, order some dwarves to manage your bins...
Or, get one of those big magnifiers for televisions and stand it in front of the bin.

Or, send several pairs of binoculars to your local authority’s refuse collection depot.

Or, replace your house numbers with 25mm digits.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on October 22, 2018, 11:05:28 pm
Zap the bins with a shrink ray, and then the numbers will be the right size.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on October 22, 2018, 11:22:08 pm
If he’s got a shrink ray, why’s he worried about bin collection? He should be out there righting wrongs or toppling corrupt regimes.

At the very least, he could be shrinking his refuse so that the bin wouldn’t have to be emptied in his lifetime.

(Would shrunken refuse smell less, proportionately?)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on October 23, 2018, 04:58:45 am
surely a shrink ray can only be used for evil?

Stealing the moon or something, maybe threaten Trumpainia with shrinking it's biggest buildings to "make America small again!"
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on October 23, 2018, 08:43:51 am
If I had a shrink ray, then the obvious thing to do would be to concoct a feedback reversal function and make the numbers bigger. Duh!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on October 23, 2018, 08:57:35 am
Presumably "binary numbers" is a pun, or have you actually labelled them in ones and zeros? It's the kind of geeky nonsensical thing that happens on YACF.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on October 23, 2018, 09:12:48 am
Much as I would like to claim that I have indeed labelled my wheel bins 11101, or indeed had even thought about doing so but rejected it, I have to report that is a consequence of an auto corrected typo which I did not pick up.
However, I’m now away to find out just how much it will cost to label my bins in base 2 😁
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on October 23, 2018, 02:22:39 pm
Zap the bins with a shrink ray, and then the numbers will be the right size.

Or get Father Dougal to be your refuse operative.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Steph on October 23, 2018, 07:47:15 pm
Me. yesterday. Given an unwanted set of Hobbits films that I can download to Ultraviolet and watch while I am away.

Invalid code. Repeat ad nauseam.

So I e-mail the Sony help desk to find out WTF the problem is.

It wasn't WTF but WB. They are Warner Brothers films...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on October 25, 2018, 09:33:17 am
I forgot to take my camera out of my cycling jacket pocket. Did it get put in the washing machine and drownded utterly to deth? Yes. Yes it did  :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on October 26, 2018, 05:07:46 pm
Relatively low on the logarithmic Feckingdiv Scale: I came out of my office just now and was greeted by a smell of burning dust in our bedroom. I crawled round the floor sniffing and feeling various wall warts, timers and adaptors, but all were cool and unsmelly. Turned off everything that was still on then went downstairs to announce the alarming news; only find that MrsT had lit our wood stove for the first time this winter. The summer's dust on top of the firebox always burns off & stinks rather alarmingly.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on October 27, 2018, 03:41:34 pm
At a local Japanese restaurant last night, Idiot Boy managed to embarrass himself...

A dish of peas-still-in-their-pods arrived, along with an empty bowl for the discarded empty pods.
I didn't pay much attention, and by the time I looked over, both bowls were equally full.

Not having realised the situation, I assumed that both bowls contained the same thing, and ate everyone else's empty discarded pods thinking they were the dish!
"Hmm" I thought. "These are distinctly average!"
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on October 27, 2018, 05:10:53 pm
Peas or edamame beans?
Partner has form...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on October 27, 2018, 06:31:20 pm
Uuh, Dunno.
That thing you said sounds vaguely familiar, but I wasn't paying attention!

These little green buggers:

(https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1942/31712746828_3f8cc5fbb8_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/Qjm7M3)
Beans (https://flic.kr/p/Qjm7M3) by Ron Lowe (https://www.flickr.com/photos/62966413@N04/), on Flickr
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on October 27, 2018, 08:17:50 pm
you can eat the outside of the pods when young, it's the inner membrane that gets tough.  Still, you probably got "those" looks in the restaurant
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on October 27, 2018, 08:25:29 pm
Those are the buggers! There are usually two beans per pod and each bean is around 10 by 14 millimetres.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pumpkin on November 09, 2018, 09:22:22 am
Having got a new pair of knee warmers via Ebay I put them down in the wrong place and wrong time and this resulted in one of them now having a small hole  >:( :( :( >:(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on November 09, 2018, 05:09:31 pm
Go to optician for contact lens and general eye checking, so I'm wearing my contact lenes. R is -5.25, L is -4.75.

Do the reading the letters thing, is it clearer like this or like this stuff and so on. My (corrected) vision isn't as good as it should be. Sucking of teeth from optician and scratching of head.


"Have you put them in the correct way round?"

<fx: replay putting in lenses this morning>
<fx: tolchocks self round gulliver>
"Ah. Yes"


>
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on November 10, 2018, 01:34:29 pm
There's worse. One morning in 1972, after a somewhat boozy evening with friends, I drowsily put both of mine in the same eye then spent 10 frantic minutes hunting for the "lost" one.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on November 10, 2018, 04:52:50 pm
Got a rather large hole in my left hand at the moment after managing to impale the bit under my thumb with a 5mm allen key which got nicely twisted internally.

One trip to A&E later, I now have a large bandage on and a clear instruction not to do any DIY for the next week. They did not put a stitch in it as the nurse said it would just pull out again if they tried.

Ouch and rather ouch. Teach me to watch half of a "how to" video on Youtube.... the safety warning was right at the end!

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on November 10, 2018, 05:06:41 pm
Just thinking about that is OUCH. 

Reminds me of my own divness re allen keys, I'd been looking for the 3mm from one set all round the shed for most of the summer.  Found it in the back pocket of my winter jacket.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on November 10, 2018, 06:08:24 pm
Just thinking about that is OUCH. 

Reminds me of my own divness re allen keys, I'd been looking for the 3mm from one set all round the shed for most of the summer.  Found it in the back pocket of my winter jacket.

I find all sorts of lost things where change of season jackets are concerned.  Not just cycling jackets. 
A watch I'd given up as lost. A purse with two tenners in.  Poo bags. Always poo bags.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on November 10, 2018, 08:20:35 pm
do you actually have a dog?  Otherwise I'd be very worried about that.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on November 10, 2018, 08:33:29 pm
In 2 1/8" there are 17/8  not 19/8.

It took me half an hour to work out I'd got that basic bit of arithmetic wrong and that's why the lines were more than 1 3/4" apart.  Thank $deity MrsLurker does the household accounts.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on November 10, 2018, 09:43:55 pm
In 2 1/8" there are 17/8  not 19/8.

For a minute there I was trying to understand why you had such an odd music time signature in quavers (maybe because I've been doing my music theory homework).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on November 11, 2018, 09:17:09 am
Just thinking about that is OUCH. 

Reminds me of my own divness re allen keys, I'd been looking for the 3mm from one set all round the shed for most of the summer.  Found it in the back pocket of my winter jacket.

All the same, there's a certain pleasure in finding something after you've bought a replacement, and thinking "hey, now I have TWO!"
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Russell on November 12, 2018, 12:33:53 pm
I was prepping the folder to start a train/cycle commute in an effort to reduce the unreasonably long journey time.  I thought that it would be a good idea to waterproof the battery for the Chinese Cree LED light so I slipped the battery into two lastic bags and then put it all into the fabric pouch.  The bags were much too big so I got the scissors out and cut off the excess bags and cut the battery lead in half as well!

Soldering iron and heat shrink fixed the problem and I was able to shorten the lead as well.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on November 26, 2018, 10:09:20 am
On Fridays, before I finish up, I check my calendar for meetings on the following Monday in case I have to travel.

This process would have been aided by checking on the right Friday, not one in December.

On the plus side, the trains were busy being screwed up, so I'd have been late anyway and if I'm going to be late, I'd rather it be because I'm sleeping.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on November 30, 2018, 10:26:36 am
This Friday has started well. I made coffee neglecting to empty the water from the pot into the coffeebot. So I had a pot of water. Fortunately, coffeebot has a no-grind mode so I could put the water in and re-attempt.

Then, finally armed with coffee, I spent an hour on a graphic that's basically a pie chart with spines coming out of it to link other charts. It looks pretty cool, even if I do say so. So I celebrated my early morning productivity with a second cup from the pot. Then came back, sat down, pushed back from my desk and looked at my work.

I've basically drawn a giant swastika.

Sigh. It's for a German customer too.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on November 30, 2018, 11:04:50 am
 :o
Can we see it?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on November 30, 2018, 11:12:48 am
Sadly, it's Top Secret. It's not an actual swastika, it just looks with the angles of the lines coming out of the pie-chart – well – a bit swastika-ish if you sit back.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on November 30, 2018, 11:21:49 am
Especially if you come from somewhere that might be a bit sensitive about that sort of thing, you mean?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on November 30, 2018, 12:25:32 pm
Well, I suppose I have previous form with Hitler, so I might just go with it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on November 30, 2018, 12:28:08 pm
 ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on November 30, 2018, 01:50:06 pm
Need any cat pics to go with it? http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigbest.pl
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on November 30, 2018, 02:15:47 pm
Stop it. Hitler is officially verboten for me, even though everyone thinks that it's the second best sales presentation they've ever seen*.

Reminds me though, I have an interview with the ELT in a couple of weeks for a new job, I need material.

*I know – second – first place goes to our former US sales director who having trudged through hundreds of dull slides, eyed up his somnolent mid-afternoon audience, cleared his throat and launched into a stentorian I Will Survive. The entire thing and, unexpectedly, he was really fucking good.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on December 02, 2018, 05:30:04 pm
I'm posting this on my wife's behalf...

She went to Reykjavik with her friend this weekend and should have been home by now, except they missed their plane because they were standing in the wrong queue for boarding.  :facepalm:

Fortunately, they're able to get a later flight so will be home tonight.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on December 03, 2018, 01:58:34 pm
I nearly got on a plane to New York instead of Denver once, but that was BA's fault for changing the departure gate and not shouting the news loudly enough.  Much undignified running across LHR T5 ensued.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on December 03, 2018, 02:02:41 pm
The airlines used to,get rather stressed if someone checked in their luggage and then didn’t show for the flight. Have they decided that no one could possibly get s bomb on board these days so it’s nto an actually problem.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on December 03, 2018, 02:17:55 pm
Think they still would.

Mind you, Michael Ryanair would probably whinge and bitch about lost revenue due to having to remove someone's bags...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on December 03, 2018, 02:23:20 pm
AIUI, there's a point in time when if you haven't turned up, they offload your bags even if you do turn up.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on December 03, 2018, 02:53:40 pm
I was on a flight from ABZ to NWI one friday evening.

Pilot comes over the tannoy "welcome to this flight to Norwich".

Bloke in a row behind me stands up "I'm supposed to be going to Manchester!"

How TAF he managed to get onto the wrong airplane with two supposedly thorough checks inbetween I have no idea. I don't fly BMI any more.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Zipperhead on December 03, 2018, 03:07:33 pm
My wife was flying to Buenos Aires in September, on the Sunday evening she told me. On the Friday before I spotted that the flight actually departed on the Saturday evening.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on December 03, 2018, 03:59:56 pm
I was on a flight from ABZ to NWI one friday evening.

Pilot comes over the tannoy "welcome to this flight to Norwich".

Bloke in a row behind me stands up "I'm supposed to be going to Manchester!"

How TAF he managed to get onto the wrong airplane with two supposedly thorough checks inbetween I have no idea. I don't fly BMI any more.

An old boss of mine managed to get on the wrong plane (an Aer Lingus one) from Dublin once. I don't think its that rare that it happens, especially with multiple gate changes.
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Ashaman42 on December 03, 2018, 04:33:53 pm
A workmate of my partner managed to miss her flight home from holiday by turning up at the airport a full 24 hours late. Twice!

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on December 03, 2018, 05:02:57 pm
For someone who flies a lot, while at the same time being a prime div, I've really missed very few flights – I'm weirdly paranoid about the entire trip planning. We did once-upon-a-time try to leave Carcassonne a day early, owing to my wife. When I pointed out that the mistake was hers (which it completely was) – well, let's just say it didn't end well for me. If it's my fault I should be told, routinely as a remember the time you... If it's hers, it's not to be mentioned ever.

Anyway, I'm here to put in for more div points. Last night, while pouring out a beer from a 750 ml bottle, I dropped it onto the worktop, making a nice dent in the oak, and also causing a jet of beer to erupt from the top. For the first time in my life, a misspent youth that involved learning to kegstand came in useful in reducing the mess (and minimizing tasty beer wastage). I don't think you need another, said my wife. I wouldn't mind but that was the first. In my defence, I had a residual olive oil on my hands from tossing some veg and the bottle had developed a sheen of condensation.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on December 05, 2018, 03:00:09 pm
I managed to turn up a whole week early for an appointment on Saturday  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on December 07, 2018, 04:50:44 pm
Seething. Ordered four new tyres for Hercules le Peugeot. Got the size wrong.

Fucksake! I used to do this for a living. Seriously, you DICK!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on December 07, 2018, 07:45:47 pm
Seething. Ordered four new tyres for Hercules le Peugeot. Got the size wrong.

Fucksake! I used to do this for a living. Seriously, you DICK!
It sounds like it’s probab as well that you don’t do it for a living anymore  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on December 07, 2018, 09:28:25 pm
You can go off people . . .
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on December 07, 2018, 10:02:31 pm
 O:-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on December 07, 2018, 10:45:11 pm
You can go off people . . .

No, you just get tired of them.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on December 08, 2018, 12:27:25 am
 :'(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on December 08, 2018, 07:26:18 am
Beardy, if it wasn't clear, that "tired" was actually really invisibly spelled "tyred" and directed at Tors.....

I have previous in deliberately not adding smilies.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on December 08, 2018, 09:16:03 am
 :thumbsup:

Just my paranoia getting the better of me then.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Canardly on December 08, 2018, 09:50:08 am
Turned up at the dentist at 10:15 together with missus for 10:20 am appointment, only to find out that it was scheduled for 11:20. Ho hum.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on December 08, 2018, 11:39:39 am
Seething. Ordered four new tyres for Hercules le Peugeot. Got the size wrong.

Fucksake! I used to do this for a living. Seriously, you DICK!
It sounds like it’s probab as well that you don’t do it for a living anymore  ;D


If I hadn't changed direction 6 years ago I'd probably be about a third the way through a prison sentence for wounding with intent or summat...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on December 13, 2018, 02:50:44 pm
Cutting a rectangular hole for a pickup in a pic printed on 1mm aluminium. Drilled a hole for each corner. Dremeled out 3 sides perfectly. When cutting the last, narrow, side I let the cutting disc sink too far, and while I was carefully cutting to meet the hole at corner D the other edge went 5 mm beyond the hole at corner C.  Arse.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on December 13, 2018, 03:01:44 pm
Cutting a rectangular hole for a pickup in a pic printed on 1mm aluminium. Drilled a hole for each corner. Dremeled out 3 sides perfectly. When cutting the last, narrow, side I let the cutting disc sink too far, and while I was carefully cutting to meet the hole at corner D the other edge went 5 mm beyond the hole at corner C.  Arse.

Not only me then...….albeit rectangular holes in plywood for mounting radio-control servos.  I now have to remind myself to watch both sides of the disc.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on December 13, 2018, 05:11:12 pm
I have a right-angle drive on my Christmas list - it would have made life a lot simpler.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on December 14, 2018, 08:00:15 pm
I have a feeling I forgot to pack any socks. At least I’m going somewhere warm.

I may have forgotten other stuff. The danger of travelling the day after the Christmas party.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on December 14, 2018, 08:04:01 pm
passport - check
laptop - check
drugs - check
anything else - buy on arrival
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on December 14, 2018, 09:12:54 pm
passport - check
laptop - check
drugs - check
anything else - buy on arrival
Only if you’ve not forgotten your wallet!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on January 05, 2019, 04:41:04 pm
I was getting a tin of mushy peas out,of the cupboard to have with my Cornish pasty when my sleeve caught the top of the bottle of Lee and Perins. All would have been well had I not tried to catch it, inadvertently knocking the bottle cap first into the lower cupboard shelf. The carnage just escalated from that point as the bottle, now with end over end rotational momentum, spun towards the floor. Miraculously the bottle did not become many pieces upon impact, but in terms of the process of marinading half the kitchen in Worcestershire sauce, this minor aspect didn’t really reduce the mess. There was a brown slick spreading into the floor and splashes of the damn sauce EVERYWHERE. Dr Beardy, (Mrs) was not a happy cohabitatee.  :facepalm:

Dog, thoughbut, that stuff stinks...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on January 09, 2019, 11:06:34 pm
Fortunately I noticed just in time that the stuff I was about to apply to my achey breaky back was not Bells Muscle Rub but Ronseal Wood Filler.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on January 10, 2019, 08:23:53 am
<splort>

How's the woodwork chez Larrington, then?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on January 10, 2019, 10:11:06 am
very supple and limber
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on January 10, 2019, 06:45:11 pm
No, the reason that door won't close is not because of the power and network cables running under the carpet.  It is because your finger is between the door and the jamb.

Ow.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: TheLurker on January 10, 2019, 06:54:24 pm
Not me, but a colleague deserving of an honourable mention.  Forty mile drive to the office today for an 0800 meeting.  Come 08:15 and no-one else having turned up he 'phones one of them to find out what's up.  Meeting is four weeks today.  Laugh? We pissed ourselves. :)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on January 12, 2019, 11:06:09 pm
Steak for dinner. Decided to make a cheeky sauce to go with it, so after cooking the steak and putting it aside to rest, I poured a glug of brandy into the pan to deglaze it...

Only I'd picked up the wrong bottle and instead had sploshed in a generous measure of salted caramel cream liqueur*.

Hmmm. First thought was what the heck, how bad can it be? But after a few seconds of the creamy liquid bubbling away, the smell hit my nose...  :sick:

Luckily the steak was perfectly delicious without a sauce.



*imagine Baileys but even more sickly sweet.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on January 14, 2019, 10:00:41 am
Bare feet.  Wooden stairs.  Bounce, Mr L, bounce, like the innocent Derek Bentley!

Hurty shoulder.  Bah!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on January 14, 2019, 10:23:03 am
You're a sick man, Dave!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on January 14, 2019, 02:13:43 pm
Hop you're not hurty for long, MrL!

SO glad I bought fall-friendly stairs with this house!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on January 14, 2019, 04:25:31 pm
One of our dogs missed a step the other day and slid backwards all the way down. He looked just the way you'd expect a cartoon dog to look. He was OK after, trotted up again happily.

No dogs were hurt in making this post.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on January 15, 2019, 02:40:55 am
Monday's planned room-jibbling involved doing stuff above head height and wrestling with heavy metal things.  It is on hold.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fimm on January 15, 2019, 01:33:50 pm
Me, shortly heading out to triathlon club swim session, thinks "I should just check Facebook in case this evening's coach has posted asking us to bring pull buoys". I check. Nothing. Good. I then remember that this evening's coach is my husband...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: pumpkin on January 16, 2019, 10:23:32 am
Raining hard this morning so decided to use the car part way. So bike/shoes/helmet/overshoes all in car and off I go. Now where is my expensive rain-jacket?? Oh, it's hung up nice and dry in the garage  :(
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on January 18, 2019, 12:21:28 pm
What's the name for a person who is building a vegetable storage drawers (c 800 x 600 x 1000 mm) requiring millimetric precision, is very pleased with themselves having planned meticulously to discover that they have sufficient material - just - who then proceeds to cut out all the pieces, again meticulously, then makes the cut out required to 16 of said pieces on the fly only to discover that 20mm too much has been removed, preventing said item from being supported? Oh, yes, I think I know  ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on January 18, 2019, 01:09:07 pm
What's the name for a person who is building a vegetable storage drawers (c 800 x 600 x 1000 mm) requiring millimetric precision, is very pleased with themselves having planned meticulously to discover that they have sufficient material - just - who then proceeds to cut out all the pieces, again meticulously, then makes the cut out required to 16 of said pieces on the fly only to discover that 20mm too much has been removed, preventing said item from being supported? Oh, yes, I think I know  ::-)

Not just me then...….. :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on January 18, 2019, 01:37:03 pm
"Measure twice, cut once. I've cut it three times and the bastard's still too short...!"
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Greenbank on January 18, 2019, 01:39:59 pm
Measure once, buy twice.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on January 18, 2019, 02:07:45 pm
Measure twice, cut once, get a professional in to sort out the fuck up.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: spesh on January 18, 2019, 02:12:31 pm
The last-but-one owner of my house: "Measure once, cut once, beat to fit or use longer nails to bridge the gap."
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on January 18, 2019, 02:31:45 pm
Think twice.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on January 18, 2019, 08:58:00 pm
Just another day for you and me in paradise...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on January 19, 2019, 10:38:22 am
Measure once, believe figures on the Happy Swedish Halls of Joy's webby SCIENCE once, bodge serially.

^^^^ That's the story of the Estate Office relocation, right there.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on January 19, 2019, 06:52:31 pm
TFW you realise that not only do you have all your holiday washing to do, but a basket full that you failed to do before you went away  :facepalm:
And it's winter so no drying outside or in the wash house  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on January 23, 2019, 07:04:45 pm
Hot chocolate.  Warms you twice.  Once when you drink the mug you've just made,  the second time when you have to get the hoover out to clean up the half tub of powder you spilt on the kitchen floor  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on January 24, 2019, 09:53:39 am
The first time your Cateye light makes a bid for freedom from its bracket, that should be taken as a cue to replace the bracket (a mere £4.50 from Evans).

The second time it happens, this is a warning that you really should do something about it very soon.

The third time it happens... damn.  :facepalm:

Fortunately, it's just the battery cartridge casing that's broken, not the light itself, and the battery is - in theory - replaceable. Only it's an older model (Volt 700) and I have so far had no luck finding anything on the interwebs. I would try to repair the battery but the wires have become disconnected and I don't think it would be such a good idea to wield a soldering iron near a Li-ion battery.

The real shame is that it's an excellent light that has served me well for over four years. The Volt 700 was superseded by the Volt 800 which aiui is identical except for being the one with the bigger lumens, and I would happily get a new one... if only I could afford to spaff away £90 for no good reason (wiggle seems to have them for £57 but that's still more than I've got in the petty cash tin at the moment).

Also note: at this time of year, it's a good idea not to leave your bike outside overnight as the rear derailleur may freeze solid, leaving you stuck in your lowest gear for the mad dash to the station. Also, when you eventually get to the station (in time to see your train pulling away) you may find that your lock is frozen too and it takes a good ten minutes to defrost it enough to get the key in.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on January 24, 2019, 11:24:13 am
Every night, I unscrew top from my Merker razor, rinse under tap and wipe greasy shaving cream off side of blade with finger. reassemble. Takes about 10s.

Except that last night, I'm deep in thought about work stuff, I don't wipe greasy stuff off side with finger, I slide finger down the edge. Slide - finger - down - edge of new feather blade.

Straight down to the bone before I even felt it. Fuck. It actually sprayed across the sink onto the tiles before I could grab finger with the other hand. Thought I might have to head into A&E for a minute, but managed to get it to stop bleeding.

effing egit
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on January 24, 2019, 11:40:28 am
Quote
Also note: at this time of year, it's a good idea not to leave your bike outside overnight as the rear derailleur may freeze solid, leaving you stuck in your lowest gear for the mad dash to the station. Also, when you eventually get to the station (in time to see your train pulling away) you may find that your lock is frozen too and it takes a good ten minutes to defrost it enough to get the key in.

Reminds me of an old traffic police tale...

Two ossiffers were on motorbike patrol on a foggy frosty morn. At a filling station they espied a fellow biker having difficulty with a locking fuel cap and wandered over to see if they could help. The frozen lock stubbornly refused to yield until one of the cops whipped out the old chap and proceeded to apply warm fluid to the affected area.

The biker said thank you, filled up with fuel and toddled off into traffic. the ossiffers went about their daily duty with the satisfaction of a job well done, another memberof the public helped on their way.

A couple of weeks later they were called to the Chief Inspector's office, where the boss read them a letter from a member of the public. 'Dear Sir, I am writing to thank you for the kind assistance your ossiffers rendered to my daughter during the recent cold spell. She was unable to remove the filler cap from her motorcycle as the lock had frozen overnight...
Yours Sincerely, Reverend...'
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on January 24, 2019, 01:23:15 pm
Every night, I unscrew top from my Merker razor, rinse under tap and wipe greasy shaving cream off side of blade with finger. reassemble. Takes about 10s.

Except that last night, I'm deep in thought about work stuff, I don't wipe greasy stuff off side with finger, I slide finger down the edge. Slide - finger - down - edge of new feather blade.

Straight down to the bone before I even felt it. Fuck. It actually sprayed across the sink onto the tiles before I could grab finger with the other hand. Thought I might have to head into A&E for a minute, but managed to get it to stop bleeding.

effing egit
Ooh, aaahhhhh.. I've gone all woosy.  Warm/cold, sweaty.....

Deep breath.  Head between knees. 

I have a Merkur razor, and I use Astra Platinums.  But I rinse it under the tap when done.  Ooooooh, aaaaaah.  I need to sit down....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on January 24, 2019, 01:24:27 pm
I never attempt to clean mine other than a rinse when I'm done. Seems safer all round.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on January 24, 2019, 01:26:14 pm
Old toothbrush? Shifts the soapy clag when you're changing the blade...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on January 24, 2019, 01:31:28 pm
OldWife's toothbrush?

FTFY ;)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on January 24, 2019, 01:32:56 pm
Ooh, aaahhhhh.. I've gone all woosy.  Warm/cold, sweaty.....

Deep breath.  Head between knees. 

Aye. There's something about blades that even just reading about stuff like this has the same effect on me.

No pictures, please and thank you, mrcharly. Never.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on January 24, 2019, 03:48:54 pm
I have long track record of this sort of thing. Garden fork (very blunt one) through wellies and foot. When I was 4.
Knife through hand (cutting leather) as youth.
Dropped paring knife - wife saw it drop from my hand and heard it hit something solid. "Was that the floor?" she asks "No, my toe" It bounced, off the bone. Didn't even stick in, just made the same noise as if it had landed on wood.

etc
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on January 24, 2019, 04:58:58 pm
Have you thought about growing a beard?  :D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andrewc on January 24, 2019, 06:15:24 pm
Ouch, Ouch , Ouch  :jurek:      As a fellow Feather user you have my deepest sympathy. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: yorkie on January 24, 2019, 06:35:44 pm
Have you thought about growing a beard?  :D

Why do you think I grew a beard?  ;) (Well, it's more "stopped shaving" than "grew a beard", but it's (more or less) the same result!)  :-D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on January 24, 2019, 06:59:29 pm
The demands of Tidy Hair still require some razor topiary of the facial shrubbery twice a week.

I have recounted the story of my PhD thesis before, but it hurt, so I'm milking the anecdote. I printed out the five copies of my erudite masterpiece and stacked them neatly in the box the paper came in ready to take to the binders. But they didn't fill the box, so I thought I'd trim off the top of the box to make it less bulky for transport. Looking around for a suitable cardboard device I did espy a surgical scalpel. Aha!

Anyway, I had to print off another five copies and I still have the scar across the base of my thumb. When they say blood, sweat, and tears go into these things, apparently they don't mean literally.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on January 25, 2019, 06:02:08 am
Twice a week!

In these parts, the angry weasel gets let out to do its thing about twice a month. Maybe that's why its so angry.

On topic, can I just say bowsaw, new blade, test for sharpness, skips onto back of index finger, yes that's very sharp indeed.  Superglue and steristrips for that one.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on January 25, 2019, 09:43:53 am
I also do my eyebrows, ears, and nostrils. I am man not gorilla. I think I might be turning metrosexual or something.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on January 30, 2019, 03:55:30 pm
Me today as I drive into the work offsite car park

Quote
oh that's icy *drives gingerly*

Me as I then walk out of the car park to the office. *whoosh* *Splat* feet went right with the camber and I landed on the heel of my left hand.

4 hours later with a swollen and stiff wrist I went home via the minor injuries unit. One fracture in my left wrist.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on January 30, 2019, 04:27:59 pm
Me today as I drive into the work offsite car park

Quote
oh that's icy *drives gingerly*

Me as I then walk out of the car park to the office. *whoosh* *Splat* feet went right with the camber and I landed on the heel of my left hand.

4 hours later with a swollen and stiff wrist I went home via the minor injuries unit. One fracture in my left wrist.
Ouch. GWS.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on January 30, 2019, 04:37:56 pm
Gosh, I hope you weren't on company property because they might have a duty of care to ensure that such an accident didn't happen by ensuring such surfaces had been appropriately gritted, and well, you would like a new bicycle, wouldn't you?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: diapsaon0 on January 30, 2019, 04:42:00 pm
Gosh, I hope you weren't on company property because they might have a duty of care to ensure that such an accident didn't happen by ensuring such surfaces had been appropriately gritted, and well, you would like a new bicycle, wouldn't you?

Similar thing happened to me, many years ago.  I was advised to make an insurance claim and - several years later - got a very respectable pay out as the fall aggravated an old back injury and meant I had to give up my job.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on January 30, 2019, 04:46:48 pm
Many years ago I slipped in the stairs at a train station. Despite the clear fact that it was winter and the forecast for sub-freezing weather, they'd not bothered with any kind of precaution.

That omission worked out rather expensive. And I doubt I was the only one who slipped.

All said, I would have swapped the money for not having a sore coccyx for about six months afterwards.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on January 30, 2019, 05:40:22 pm
Gosh, I hope you weren't on company property because they might have a duty of care to ensure that such an accident didn't happen by ensuring such surfaces had been appropriately gritted, and well, you would like a new bicycle, wouldn't you?

The duty of care is not an absolute duty to remove all possible hazards.  However, given the well publicised weather expectations, it's not an unreasonable expectation in this case.

My sister did exactly the same on a patch of ice on our garden path one evening, aged about 14.  She still says it was on the other side of the path in the morning
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on January 30, 2019, 05:57:52 pm
Not on company property, the company owned car park was gritted but the council parking where they lease spaces and particularly the access road was not gritted as it is not land owned by the company and not in their control.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on February 02, 2019, 07:35:15 pm
So why can't I find coverage of the Superbowl on TV, Oh yes, because it's tomorrow.

I know!  I only watch the first quarter and then fall asleep
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on February 03, 2019, 01:53:35 pm
I had sore bloody everything on the hills yesterday, but that was because I'd taken out my old bike without checking anything and I'd lent a bloke the SQR block that was on it then put the saddle back an inch too low.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on February 04, 2019, 12:42:41 pm
How on earth does a grown-up take a swig of coffee and manage to completely miss his mouth?  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on February 04, 2019, 01:01:20 pm
How on earth does a grown-up take a swig of coffee and manage to completely miss his mouth?  :facepalm:

Paging Ted Striker.  Ted Striker to the white courtesy phone please...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on February 04, 2019, 01:06:08 pm
How on earth does a grown-up take a swig of coffee and manage to completely miss his mouth?  :facepalm:

Would you like lessons? Can be arranged, reasonable cost.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Johnny Faro on February 05, 2019, 09:26:29 pm
Slightly OT but helpful hopefully when sawing with a bow saw, we any saw really if when starting you cross your hand over so holding hand over cutting hand if and when the same slips you just get a blunt metal against the bottom of your arm. That's a Ray Mears tip.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on February 05, 2019, 10:00:28 pm
A few days ago I only realised my trousers were back to front at 8pm...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jurek on February 05, 2019, 10:06:55 pm
A few days ago I only realised my trousers were back to front at 8pm...
Hopefully, they were your trousers....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on February 05, 2019, 11:16:20 pm
A few days ago I only realised my trousers were back to front at 8pm...

I wouldn't dare ask who was responsible and why you had to put them on in such a hurry...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on February 05, 2019, 11:40:04 pm
A few days ago I only realised my trousers were back to front at 8pm...

I wouldn't dare ask who was responsible and why you had to put them on in such a hurry...

I am a fecking div qed.

I was in no hurry.
I was totally responsible.
My trews are elasticated 'pull-up' things.

My only excuse is that I need to sit cross-legged to haul my weak limbs into clothing and got it wrong this time (and the elasticated waistband is six inches too loose).
I didn't notice most of the day.

I'm such a fecking div...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on February 05, 2019, 11:47:31 pm
Yarp.

 ;)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on February 06, 2019, 04:21:53 pm
This a.m., Mrs Ham informs me that she's having her hair done today. I may not have listened fully (shirley knott?) and thought that this activity was replacing her normal Wednesday a.m. swim. So, when she comes back for lunch I look at her barnet, think, well that looks pretty OK, pretty much as was, so that's good isn't it? I'd better say THE WORDS otherwise I'll be in trouble. "Your hair looks nice dear". Oh my. Oh my my my. Oh my my my my my my my. Yes, that's right,  the hair appointment is this pm. I got that RONG.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 06, 2019, 04:27:09 pm
So, when she comes back for lunch I look at her barnet, think, well that looks pretty OK, pretty much as was, so that's good isn't it? I'd better say THE WORDS otherwise I'll be in trouble. "Your hair looks nice dear". Oh my. Oh my my my. Oh my my my my my my my. Yes, that's right,  the hair appointment is this pm. I got that RONG.

I am rofling out of recognition and sympathy, not schadenfreude.  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on February 06, 2019, 04:29:02 pm
This a.m., Mrs Ham informs me that she's having her hair done today. I may not have listened fully (shirley knott?) and thought that this activity was replacing her normal Wednesday a.m. swim. So, when she comes back for lunch I look at her barnet, think, well that looks pretty OK, pretty much as was, so that's good isn't it? I'd better say THE WORDS otherwise I'll be in trouble. "Your hair looks nice dear". Oh my. Oh my my my. Oh my my my my my my my. Yes, that's right,  the hair appointment is this pm. I got that RONG.

Ah, reminds me of one of the recurring themes in Monkey Dust  ;D

https://youtu.be/ulYYFw2XfBI

https://youtu.be/2gJgsNmrtBc
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on February 06, 2019, 04:57:59 pm
This a.m., Mrs Ham informs me that she's having her hair done today. I may not have listened fully (shirley knott?) and thought that this activity was replacing her normal Wednesday a.m. swim. So, when she comes back for lunch I look at her barnet, think, well that looks pretty OK, pretty much as was, so that's good isn't it? I'd better say THE WORDS otherwise I'll be in trouble. "Your hair looks nice dear". Oh my. Oh my my my. Oh my my my my my my my. Yes, that's right,  the hair appointment is this pm. I got that RONG.

I find it easier to 'deliberately' pretend not to notice, than when I don't actually notice, I'm off the hook since she doesn't know whether I've genuinely not noticed or I'm simply pretending not to have noticed in order to wind her up.

Marriage is really just a theatre for more advanced forms of psychological warfare.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Nuncio on February 07, 2019, 03:05:02 pm
If you're sitting on the garage floor, head down, comparing chain lengths, and the legs of the stand (with bike on it, sans chain) are not fully splayed, and something happens to upset the equilibrium of said stand, then you may find, unexpectedly, that the bike and stand are on top of you with the chainring having taken a bit of your scalp off on the way down, and blood is splattering on the garage floor. And you may wonder, as you try and extricate yourself, if you'll admit to being a fecking div on a public forum. And you may wonder who the first wit will be, in response, to ask why you weren't wearing a helmet.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on February 07, 2019, 03:54:23 pm
If you're sitting on the garage floor, head down, comparing chain lengths, and the legs of the stand (with bike on it, sans chain) are not fully splayed, and something happens to upset the equilibrium of said stand, then you may find, unexpectedly, that the bike and stand are on top of you with the chainring having taken a bit of your scalp off on the way down, and blood is splattering on the garage floor. And you may wonder, as you try and extricate yourself, if you'll admit to being a fecking div on a public forum. And you may wonder who the first wit will be, in response, to ask why you weren't wearing a helmet.


Ok I'll bite, why weren't you wearing a hard hat?  :demon:

More importantly How is the bike?  ;)

GWS  :-*
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Nuncio on February 07, 2019, 04:43:42 pm
Just because.

Bike fine. Head fine, thanks - the bleeding stopped surprisingly quickly - 5 mins of pressing down hard with a wad of kitchen paper did it.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on February 07, 2019, 08:39:28 pm
I hope you had previously cleaned the chainset manky grease in the cut would not be nice.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: CAMRAMan on February 07, 2019, 08:55:07 pm
'Blimey, I must've been in zombie mode this morning, as I don't remember putting the rear pannier with my lunch and work clothes in on the bike.'

(Looks back whilst cycling.)

'Ah, I don't remember doing so, 'cos I didn't do so!'

Had to go commando and buy lunch at the expensive work cafe.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on February 12, 2019, 08:26:53 am
Not sure I qualify, yet, but time will tell.

After a thorough, 3 month clear out of my garage/workshop, buying some new (or new to me) workshop tools that I'd long hankered after, I've spent the past month staring at a thoroughly tidy and sorted, but empty void. The garden fence is sorted, the dog training is going well, my sax learning is progressing, and my recumbents have every new part they could wish for.  There's nowt left to do.  Other than slide, inexorably, towards a bib when I dribble, and general decrepitude, thinking back on what I might have achieved if only I'd known then what I know now.

No longer.  After some deliberation (well, about an hour) I've taken delivery of a non-running, Canadian re-imported, Triumph 750.  Fortunately with the management's support.

I have form with British motorcycles, my last one carrying me on a daily 95 mile round trip into London every day when working in Victoria St in the late '70s.  It was the only way I could afford the commute, but it was very heavy on bike maintenance, so I learned my Triumph Twins.

Having retired, and worked through the initial to-do list, I was bored, I needed a tinkering and fettling project.  Hence a return to mucky fingernails (my sax teacher will love that..), long hours searching the internet for parts and advice, and the smell of Jizer (or maybe Muc-off now) in the workshop.

It turns over, has good compression and clearly has done nothing since the engine was re-bulit.  But why did they seem to use any fastener they had to hand when they put the engine back together and couldn't find the bolt they'd taken out?  If that was their mentality, are there any gremlins inside the engine that I can't see?  But there are a number of small parts with it that I'll need, and clearly the original owner had intended to get it running again.  But why did he stop?  Too big a job, a major fault?  Or a simply few years ahead of me on the slippery slope.

But, it has new tyres, the chrome is good, wheels are good, and it's almost all there.

I just hope this isn't going to qualify me as the Div of all time.....  I just hope.......
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on February 12, 2019, 12:00:42 pm
It's a mechanical horse. You know, like a bicycle with an engine.  ;D

Get a workshop manuel* and start again. After all, would you climb someone else's scaffolding? While you're there fit leccy ignition and make sure the carbs are in good nick.

Not a div at all. Welcome back to the world of PTWs.


* Because 'I know NOTHING'**

** J. H. Haynes R.I.P.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on February 12, 2019, 01:33:14 pm
My dear wife and I are going to Spain in about 10 days' time. We decided that perhaps it might be a good idea to take out some travel insurance so we went onto the Saga website, filled in all the details, paid the necessary money and then checked the email that arrived, It suggested that I log on to their website to see all the necessary details, so I did.

Imagine my complete surprise when I found some existing travel insurance which I took out last year before our trip to Austria, and which expires on 30th August this year. I therefore phoned up to cancel the insurance that I instigated this morning.

It's Saga. They expect this sort of thing. Perhaps they should change their name go Ga-ga.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on February 12, 2019, 01:36:02 pm
It's a mechanical horse. You know, like a bicycle with an engine.  ;D

Get a workshop manuel* and start again. After all, would you climb someone else's scaffolding? While you're there fit leccy ignition and make sure the carbs are in good nick.

Not a div at all. Welcome back to the world of PTWs.

* Because 'I know NOTHING'**

** J. H. Haynes R.I.P.

 ;D  I've attempted divishness mitigation already - the Haynes manual is on the way.  And it's already got Boyer ignition - I fitted that to my 68 Daytona, what a difference.  And, since it's a Tiger, it's only got one carb, so that further mitigates the div potential. Just about to get the Muc-off out and attack the undersides so I can put the centre stand back on.  That should also reduce the div potential so it won't fall off its side stand. Past experience is showing here - and whatever I can do to further reduce the div potential will be done.  Ahem.....
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on February 12, 2019, 01:53:11 pm
Birmingham City Council are well-known divs, so there is a bin strike.  As a result, I have divvishly discovered that it is unwise to compress the contents of a curved-bottomed[1] cardboard recycling 'pod' by jumping on it.


[1] Because it was designed by divs.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on February 12, 2019, 01:55:40 pm
Only once have I had the chance to ride a Triumph, a '77 T140 'Jubillee' Bonneville but on a very short ride around the estate it felt so alive. I'm sure it had a soul.

Better stop now before I get into 'Vroom' territory.  ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on February 13, 2019, 09:15:15 am
Birmingham City Council are well-known divs, so there is a bin strike.  As a result, I have divvishly discovered that it is unwise to compress the contents of a curved-bottomed[1] cardboard recycling 'pod' by jumping on it.


[1] Because it was designed by divs.

Have we got a 'Bin Diving Injuries (the gorier the better)' thread?
 ;)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 13, 2019, 06:03:49 pm
Railway geography. Bristol Temple Meads is in the centre of Bristol, it has lines heading south to Exeter and beyond, east to Bath and on to London, and north to various places. I was at Bristol Parkway in the northern fringe of The Home of Trip Hop and wanted to get back to Temple Meads, there was a train to Bath Spa leaving in 4 minutes, so it must stop at Temple Meads, right? But this red rock cutting we're passing through doesn't look right, and... hang on, there's no tunnel between Parkway and Temple Meads! Quite bizarrely, it had bypassed TM using what I believe is known as the Rhubarb Loop (probably after the Rhubarb Tavern which it passes – origin of that name not known) and gone straight on to Bath.

Today's Fecking Div lesson, #1242 in an occasional series: Check the "calling at" stations unless your destination is the final stop.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on February 14, 2019, 09:38:42 am
BTDT. Jumped on train to Leeds via Rochdale thinking 'that will do'. Kind of occurred to me that it wasn't stopping at MIH as we approached it still accelerating. Not easy to disembark when passing thru your chosen station at 70+ mph...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on February 14, 2019, 10:48:35 am
Me too.
When my dad was in Burton on Trent hospital on his final decent, I would visit him every night straight from work.  Leave work as early as possible, not always the same time - as early as I could get away with.  Run round the corner to Mordor Central and leap onto the first available train.
I became quite adept at reading the "calling at" lists on the departure boards without pausing as I ran past them.
Not so very adept on the day I found myself heading towards Stoke on Trent.  :facepalm:
Luckily I managed to get off at Wolverhampton and get back to New Street without having my ticket checked.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on February 14, 2019, 11:05:41 am
worst I can claim in recent times is missing my stop on the Jubilee Line at Baker Street and having to make a volte face at the next station
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on February 14, 2019, 01:11:39 pm
Beardy junior managed to get on a 13 coach London bound main line train instead of the local branch line two coach trainwhen intending to travel from Ipswich to Woodbridge, all,of two stops on the said branch line. He was only 13 or 14 at the time and not a regular rail traveller and he had the sense to call me when the train stopped at a station he didn’t recognise so I was able to tell him to get off the train at the next stop rather than have him travelling all the way into London. So I’ll give him some clemency on the matter. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on February 14, 2019, 05:22:13 pm
If it's any consolation I once got off a train at Liverpool Lime Street to be asked in broken English by a Chinese family who had travelled all the way 'how to get to the Central Line?'
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on February 14, 2019, 07:40:06 pm
If it's any consolation I once got off a train at Liverpool Lime Street to be asked in broken English by a Chinese family who had travelled all the way 'how to get to the Central Line?'

Sadly at no point during our time in Stratford-upon-Olympic-building-site did I witness a USAnian tourist in search of Shakespeare.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on February 14, 2019, 07:59:00 pm
There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on February 14, 2019, 08:43:28 pm
There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea
One of my colleagues did that on an Eastern Airways flight.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on February 14, 2019, 09:03:46 pm
https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=95565.msg2258615#msg2258615
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Feanor on February 14, 2019, 09:14:55 pm
There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea
One of my colleagues did that on an Eastern Airways flight.

At ABZ, being told your flight is 'boarding now' is just a fiction.
You are just ( in priority order! ) passed through the boarding gate into a long corridor where you mingle with everyone else, including other flights, whose planes are also not ready to board either.

When one flight becomes *actually* ready to board, then the entire mingled crowd moves forward. It's up to the over-stretched ground crew to actually check your boarding pass.
Unsurprisingly, this sometimes fails.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wowbagger on February 14, 2019, 10:02:35 pm
My sister-in-law once phoned a rail company to ask the price of a ticket between Euston and Piccadilly.

"30p" came the reply.

It was shortly after this that my s-i-l learned that there is a Piccadilly station in London.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on February 14, 2019, 10:09:59 pm
Ah, I once had a Kentish ticket office bod sell me a ticket to Bromley South instead of Romiley (which I was in the habit of spelling out, because people south of Watford don't know about Stockport[1]).  Fortunately I was paying attention and queried the suspiciously low fare before getting anywhere near a train.


[1] To be fair, why would you need to know about Stockport when you have actual Watford?  They perform the same basic function.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: orienteer on February 14, 2019, 10:15:38 pm
Many a tourist arrives at Abbey Road station on the Docklands Light Railway seeking "the" zebra crossing.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on February 14, 2019, 10:36:11 pm
There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea
One of my colleagues did that on an Eastern Airways flight.

At ABZ, being told your flight is 'boarding now' is just a fiction.
You are just ( in priority order! ) passed through the boarding gate into a long corridor where you mingle with everyone else, including other flights, whose planes are also not ready to board either.

When one flight becomes *actually* ready to board, then the entire mingled crowd moves forward. It's up to the over-stretched ground crew to actually check your boarding pass.
Unsurprisingly, this sometimes fails.

Only partly true these days, although the current "improvement works" are challenging.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on February 15, 2019, 09:28:11 am
There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea
One of my colleagues did that on an Eastern Airways flight.

At ABZ, being told your flight is 'boarding now' is just a fiction.
You are just ( in priority order! ) passed through the boarding gate into a long corridor where you mingle with everyone else, including other flights, whose planes are also not ready to board either.

When one flight becomes *actually* ready to board, then the entire mingled crowd moves forward. It's up to the over-stretched ground crew to actually check your boarding pass.
Unsurprisingly, this sometimes fails.

I recall (sometime in the early '80's I guess) a time when there were only two gates at ABZ. This day there were two planes. Gate A passengers had to walk to the plane opposite Gate B, and vice versa. At the same time.  ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on February 15, 2019, 09:32:23 am
[1] To be fair, why would you need to know about Stockport when you have actual Watford?  They perform the same basic function.
I'm such a fecking div for reading this with a mouthful of tea.





 ::-) :D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jaded on February 15, 2019, 09:37:28 am
While we are talking about Stockport, it looks a lot like Southport*

* on motorway signs in the dark  :-[
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on February 15, 2019, 11:27:22 am
A many of years ago, Mrs F and I with accompanying Smalls were going to That London for education (museums, zoo ect.). We queued and queued at the ticket office and finally got tickets. Whilst doing this we heard a train arrive. We rushed to then platforms and saw a train with 'Marylebone' on the destination sign at the back of the cab. We boarded and then thought WTF? as the train set of towards Birmingham.

It transpired that the 'Marylebone' destination was on the front of the train and the driver forgot to change it :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on February 15, 2019, 11:33:40 am
Once...many moons ago (must be around 1988? I was about to move to the Midlands), I ran down the ramp and onto Wellington Railway station and jumped onto a train which was leaving slamming the door behind me.... This caused the driver to do an emergency stop.

However.... I almost at once discovered that the train was heading to Shrewsbury and not back towards Wolverhampton has I had hoped, so I opened the door and jumped off causing the driver to do another emergency stop.....

Several minutes of being told off by the driver and station manager later, I managed to explain that I was from that London and thus did not understand their strange country ways.....  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on February 15, 2019, 02:53:18 pm
Moving on from train divviness (though I could contribute several stories to that thread) to food divviness...

Last night's dinner involved whole roasted cherry tomatoes. I made the schoolboy error of picking up a tomato on my fork, popping it in my mouth, and biting into it, squirting a jet of molten lava at the roof and back of my mouth.

Oh well, I suppose it's a good excuse to restrict myself to an ice cream diet today.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on February 15, 2019, 03:28:48 pm
I got on the train at Clapham Junction to Waterloo. Except it went the other way. In my defence, it did say Waterloo on the bloody train and I wasn't to know that was the back (and not the front) of the train. And the onboard system was dead (as it seemed were most of the passengers). "Does this train go to Waterloo?" Grunt.

So I had to change at Earlsfield. Good job it was a stopping service.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on February 15, 2019, 05:07:06 pm
Riding today, sun lowish on right, saw broad-shouldered figure looming through dazzle on edge of footpath, gave it a cheery bonjour then realized I had just said hello to a wheelie bin with a big bin bag on top.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on February 16, 2019, 12:51:19 pm
Riding today, sun lowish on right, saw broad-shouldered figure looming through dazzle on edge of footpath, gave it a cheery bonjour then realized I had just said hello to a wheelie bin with a big bin bag on top.

S'allright.  No-one saw you and you haven't told anyone......
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on February 16, 2019, 01:12:53 pm
It was quite a threatening bin-bag too. Better safe than sorry.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on February 16, 2019, 01:39:19 pm
It was quite a threatening bin-bag too. Better safe than sorry.

Sometimes they’ll attack you just for looking at them. Better not to engage with them or even make eye contact.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Pingu on February 17, 2019, 11:35:52 am
It was probably as scared of you as you were of it (or is that bears?).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on February 17, 2019, 01:53:11 pm
At least you didn't wave at your own shadow, I'm sure nobody here would ever do that
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Butterfly on February 17, 2019, 06:48:44 pm
At least you didn't wave at your own shadow, I'm sure nobody here would ever do that

Or apologise to your hair that you caught sight of out of the corner of your eye and thought it was a person.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on February 17, 2019, 07:24:34 pm
At least you didn't wave at your own shadow, I'm sure nobody here would ever do that

Or apologise to your hair that you caught sight of out of the corner of your eye and thought it was a person.

Ah yes, I've definitely never done that.

I suppose it's just a matter of time (and The Wrong Glasses) before I have an entire conversation with a hat.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Beardy on February 17, 2019, 07:43:51 pm
At least you didn't wave at your own shadow, I'm sure nobody here would ever do that

Or apologise to your hair that you caught sight of out of the corner of your eye and thought it was a person.

Ah yes, I've definitely never done that.

I suppose it's just a matter of time (and The Wrong Glasses) before I have an entire conversation with a hat.
Its not a problem until the hat/shadow/bin bag start answering back! ;D
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on February 23, 2019, 09:03:49 pm
Square taper cranks, all the tools, screwed the extractor into the RHS,

"hmm, that's hard work, let's keep turning the allen key to the right"
"that's odd, looks like a thread appearing there"

FFS I forgot there is a bit on the front of the extractor that is for "wider" but is removerd for "normal"

Cue one buggered thread.  LHS removed easily. Went back and gingerly removed RHS - I think a new crankset is in my future.

Now to have a go at the main job which was the UN54 BB.  UN54 tool is huge, none of my adjustables or sockets fit, and my stilsons wont grip. FFS.  And yes, I did check I was turning in the right direction - LH thread on RHS if my other external BBs are anything to go by
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on February 24, 2019, 05:22:48 pm
I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The cast should be off in about six weeks...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Canardly on February 24, 2019, 05:31:09 pm
Snapped the wrong key in a silver rated Kryptonite D lock whilst brain working on auto pilot. Bugger. :hand: Need to borrow some bolt croppers.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Wombat on February 24, 2019, 06:11:36 pm
The only Kryptonite D lock I ever owned was one of those you could open with a ball point pen.  Unsurprisingly I've been less than keen to own another of their products, particularly considering they were very reluctant to refund me on it, despite it being very well known that they were all faulty.

This doesn't help, does it? ;D
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: TigaSefi on February 24, 2019, 06:13:40 pm
I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The cast should be off in about six weeks...

Lol oops!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on February 24, 2019, 06:23:48 pm
I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The recumbent variation on this technique (where you sit in the seat and 'pedal' the BB loose) Just Works™ in an extremely satisfying way, and is somewhat less hazardous.  I expect never to need to use it again.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Canardly on February 24, 2019, 06:37:37 pm
Are these  On guard things any good?


https://www.tredz.co.uk/bike-locks-security-sale (https://www.tredz.co.uk/bike-locks-security-sale)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jakob W on February 24, 2019, 07:14:56 pm
I've got an OnGuard Brute, and it weighs a ton is reassuringly beefy. Solid secure Gold, and IIRC it gets the LFGSS thumbs-up for affordable and reasonably secure (16mm shackle). A beefy mini-D is probably marginally more secure because there's less chance of a lever attack, but may not work for all frames.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on February 24, 2019, 08:23:16 pm
I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The cast should be off in about six weeks...

Lol oops!

Honestly a cast or are you exaggerating?
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Torslanda on February 26, 2019, 08:54:28 am
I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The cast should be off in about six weeks...

Lol oops!

For clarity: When you work on your own (and don't have access to air tools) this method just works. The difficulty is keeping stable. With a 800mm breaker bar the force at the BB is around 100kg/m. The trick is to have the bar sufficiently far from the floor that when you push on it there's room to move the BB (as opposed to just bending the bar!) but not so high that you are off balance when you stand on it IYSWIM.

The line about the cast was a joke...
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Ham on February 26, 2019, 10:53:13 am
I have a Cyclo BB tool with a 32mm hex. The removal method which works in extremis involves undoing the loose 'cup' first (usually the non-drive) and bolting the tool to the BB using the crank bolt and a penny washer. Then sit the frame on the floor upright (resting on the BB and the fork end) Attach a strongarm or breaker bar to the socket and fit it over the tool so the bar is at the same angle as the downtube. Place your foot on the breaker bar and push down.

The cast should be off in about six weeks...

Lol oops!

For clarity: When you work on your own (and don't have access to air tools) this method just works. The difficulty is keeping stable. With a 800mm breaker bar the force at the BB is around 100kg/m. The trick is to have the bar sufficiently far from the floor that when you push on it there's room to move the BB (as opposed to just bending the bar!) but not so high that you are off balance when you stand on it IYSWIM.

The line about the cast was a joke...

Just shout a lot. Then you'll be a little hoarse.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on February 26, 2019, 01:53:14 pm
The thread you want is =======>

Which reminds me, what noise does a horsecow make?

coff-coff-moooggh - said in a strangulated voice.  Not one for the written word
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on February 26, 2019, 06:09:15 pm
Here's a beaut.

I was digging out some clumps of bulbs from a bed, and bashing them gently to remove excess soil. Nothing especially div like about that you may say, and that could be right. Not, however, if you are knocking them against the blade of spade, stood astride the handle. Fair brought tears to my eyes, even though I could hardly stop laughing.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Canardly on February 27, 2019, 01:29:21 pm
Much viewing of utube solutions to removing a broken half key from lock and then......

Tries Coping saw blade = no

Tries pointy tweezers = no

Tries tiny pointy glasses tweezers = no (and bends tiny pointy tweezers)

Tries Small screwdriver with serrated blade = no but definite movement.

Eyes angle grinder in garage pondering blade choice and availability.

Tries uber powerful Neodym magnet = no

Eyes bolt cropper models at Screwfix.......

Turns lock over to get better view and

half a broken key blade falls out.

Is it me?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on February 27, 2019, 02:05:41 pm
Much viewing of utube solutions to removing a broken half key from lock and then......

Tries Coping saw blade = no

Tries pointy tweezers = no

Tries tiny pointy glasses tweezers = no (and bends tiny pointy tweezers)

Tries Small screwdriver with serrated blade = no but definite movement.

Eyes angle grinder in garage pondering blade choice and availability.

Tries uber powerful Neodym magnet = no

Eyes bolt cropper models at Screwfix.......

Turns lock over to get better view and

half a broken key blade falls out.

Is it me?
Proper out loud laughter can now be heard from a flat in Sussex.
Then I remembered the saga of the jammed padlock. Key wouldn't turn, moveable part of lock stayed in place. I borrow a battery powered disc cutter, do the necessary to the hasp.  Lock falls to the ground and springs open.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on March 03, 2019, 12:40:30 am
I forgot to update my payment details with 18185 when my bank replaced my credit card last September - oops!

I don't suppose my failed £3.32 payment will bankrupt them.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 06, 2019, 08:39:44 am
Went into the workshop this morning and found the tube I'd put solvent on last night still waiting for the patch.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on March 06, 2019, 01:19:44 pm
Went into the workshop this morning and found the tube I'd put solvent on last night still waiting for the patch.

Better that than being one of those impatient types who applies the patch before the solvent has dried.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jayjay on March 06, 2019, 10:50:53 pm
After I replaced the water tank in the loft, I decided that the old steel tank would fit through the hatch for disposal.
Part way down the stepladder I reassessed the risk, with half my bodyweight of rusty plumbing pressing me relentlessly towards the landing. However, there was no way at that point that it was going back up.
No distressing injuries occurred nor damage to the house, my div-ness rating, however, "went through the ceiling".
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 07, 2019, 10:37:25 am
Went into the workshop this morning and found the tube I'd put solvent on last night still waiting for the patch.

Better that than being one of those impatient types who applies the patch before the solvent has dried.

BTDT too.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: andytheflyer on March 07, 2019, 01:09:45 pm
Some small parts arrived this morning for the Triumph 750 that I'm getting back on the road. I opened the packet and took out a new brake light switch (mostly rubber boot) and a gearbox oil drain plug.  Put them on the kitchen worktop - Jack the 12 month old black lab/collie cross has not thieved anything off there for many weeks.  They'll be safe for a few minutes.

The wife's out.  You can see what's coming...…

About 20 mins later I found the remains of a small plastic bag on the hall floor.  Not a good sign.  Checked the worktop - brake light switch but no oil drain plug.

The plug is a steel tube, about 2" long, 1/4" dia and with a big nut on the bottom to screw into the gearbox sump.  Oh oh.....

Checked very carefully and methodically, at least twice, all the areas Jack had had access to over the past half hour.  Nothing.  Normally, when he's picked up something he shouldn't, we hear occasional crunching noises, or rattles or some such, giving the game away. A quick check in his mouth and we get whatever it is back.  Soggy, usually chewed beyond further use, but we get it back.

Nothing this time.  No crunching, nothing.  Just a dog looking completely normal and with nothing to say.  No blame being admitted.  No sheepish look (we can tell). No invitation to chase him to recover whatever it is he's picked up.

Began to panic. He can't possibly have swallowed it, but I can't find it. Rang vet.  Do I make him sick?  It's got too many sharp edges to let nature take its course - and anyway, I want that part back asap.

Vet went to consult, came back.  It'll be Ok.  Wait until it appears.  And just then, mid-conversation, I spotted a silver tube poking out of his mouth.  The bloody animal had been concealing it for 20 minutes.  Because there were no tell-tale sounds I didn't check his mouth.

Much apologies to the vet and relief on my part.

Fortunately it wasn't the brake light switch as that would not have survived the ordeal.

Labs have a defective gene.  They think they are hungry all the time and must have something in their mouth.  We thought he'd got over thieving food from the worktops.

Labs.

And breathe.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on March 07, 2019, 01:23:47 pm
Do we have a "What has your dog eaten today?" thread.  I have vague memories of a car battery...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 07, 2019, 02:36:00 pm
Amongst other things, our two ate the knobs off the kitchen hifi. And most of the way through a wall.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on March 07, 2019, 03:10:12 pm
Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: quixoticgeek on March 07, 2019, 11:51:14 pm

I seem to live in my cycle jersey (it's merino wool, comfortable, and I'm cycling a lot...), it has pockets. This is great, I usually keep my phone in the left back pocket.

Today I was wearing a merino base layer, I went to put my phone in the back pocket of the jersey. *thunk*, oh right, not wearing it today. I'm awake. Honest.

J
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: essexian on March 08, 2019, 08:12:54 am
An apology.

Over the last 20 weeks my local cycling club have been running indoor winter training turbo sessions. I, despite not being a member have attended these sessions and at £44 for the whole lot, it is excellent value and very valuable in keeping what little fitness I have alive during the cold and dark nights.

They are a friendly bunch also who despite my lack of ability to mix in groups, welcomed and encouraged me. Indeed, at our recent “test” my 20 minutes power has increased by 16% since the first session. Most excellent.

However….they didn’t deserve what I did to them last evening. I am so sorry.

So, at the end of the session we do some stretching as part of the warm down. What I did not realise was that the seam on the bum part of my bib shorts had failed leaving at least 5cm of my hairy arse on display  :o  :sick:.  The coach came up to me after the session and suggested that I needed to get some new ones.

So, good people of Stafford RC, I am so sorry. 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Guy on March 08, 2019, 08:14:23 am
Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...

They're not actually human. They're Buddhist Labs who were Bad Dogs and have been sent back to try again.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 08, 2019, 08:21:14 am

I seem to live in my cycle jersey (it's merino wool, comfortable, and I'm cycling a lot...), it has pockets. This is great, I usually keep my phone in the left back pocket.

Today I was wearing a merino base layer, I went to put my phone in the back pocket of the jersey. *thunk*, oh right, not wearing it today. I'm awake. Honest.

J
Then there's the opposite, when you go to put something in your back pocket and, thunk, it isn't there. Because you've got a gilet over the top.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on March 08, 2019, 08:41:14 am
Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...

YES!!!! That's it!!!! I now have an excuse for that foot firmly placed in same orifice.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 08, 2019, 08:44:07 am
An apology.

Over the last 20 weeks my local cycling club have been running indoor winter training turbo sessions. I, despite not being a member have attended these sessions and at £44 for the whole lot, it is excellent value and very valuable in keeping what little fitness I have alive during the cold and dark nights.

They are a friendly bunch also who despite my lack of ability to mix in groups, welcomed and encouraged me. Indeed, at our recent “test” my 20 minutes power has increased by 16% since the first session. Most excellent.

However….they didn’t deserve what I did to them last evening. I am so sorry.

So, at the end of the session we do some stretching as part of the warm down. What I did not realise was that the seam on the bum part of my bib shorts had failed leaving at least 5cm of my hairy arse on display  :o  :sick:.  The coach came up to me after the session and suggested that I needed to get some new ones.

So, good people of Stafford RC, I am so sorry.

My old shorts didn't split on the club ride we once did, but the cloth just above the gluteal fold had worn so thin that I was sent to the back of the group. There are plenty of light-coloured shorts out there that are almost transparent from new, though - our club once had a complete delivery of shorts with a back panel that left nothing to the imagination.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on March 08, 2019, 09:53:32 am
An apology.

Over the last 20 weeks my local cycling club have been running indoor winter training turbo sessions. I, despite not being a member have attended these sessions and at £44 for the whole lot, it is excellent value and very valuable in keeping what little fitness I have alive during the cold and dark nights.

They are a friendly bunch also who despite my lack of ability to mix in groups, welcomed and encouraged me. Indeed, at our recent “test” my 20 minutes power has increased by 16% since the first session. Most excellent.

However….they didn’t deserve what I did to them last evening. I am so sorry.

So, at the end of the session we do some stretching as part of the warm down. What I did not realise was that the seam on the bum part of my bib shorts had failed leaving at least 5cm of my hairy arse on display  :o  :sick:.  The coach came up to me after the session and suggested that I needed to get some new ones.

So, good people of Stafford RC, I am so sorry.

My old shorts didn't split on the club ride we once did, but the cloth just above the gluteal fold had worn so thin that I was sent to the back of the group. There are plenty of light-coloured shorts out there that are almost transparent from new, though - our club once had a complete delivery of shorts with a back panel that left nothing to the imagination.

Riding home from Leeds one summer evening, a bunch of 'likely lads' slow down, window open and bellow at me "Oi mate, did you know we can see your arse through your shorts?"

"Why are you looking?" I retort

Their jaws hang slack for a second or two, then gain horrified looks before the driver floors it and they vanish up the road in a huff.

They were right though. Those shorts had gone right transparent.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Greenbank on March 08, 2019, 01:31:07 pm
Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...

YES!!!! That's it!!!! I now have an excuse for that foot firmly placed in same orifice.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: hellymedic on March 08, 2019, 04:20:52 pm
Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...

YES!!!! That's it!!!! I now have an excuse for that foot firmly placed in same orifice.

You're a LOT more supple than me if this is no mere metaphor!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 08, 2019, 08:10:34 pm
I kicked the leg of my desk today accidentally.  I think I've rebroken the toe that I broke about 2 years ago kicking my turbo trainer.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mrs Pingu on March 08, 2019, 09:58:51 pm
Almost a fecking div.

Got a phone call from the garage to tell me the MOT & service was complete & I could go and pick the car up.
GARAGE: Oh I should tell you, we couldn't find your locking wheel nut key
MRS PINGU: ??? Er, I didn't even know I had such a thing, see you later byeeee.

<effects, swirly lines, vague memories> Oh. I wonder if that's what that thing that looked like a socket that suddenly appeared in the car when it came back from being repaired after the drug driver slammed into the Future Classic TM Mr Larrington was. It hung about in the passenger compartment for a few months rattling in an irritating manner and eventually I thought 'that's too big to fit on my socket set, maybe I'll put it in the bin'.
Looks up 'locking wheel nut key on Google'.
Yes, that's exactly what that was.
Oh.
I wonder if I *did* put it in the bin or if I just thought about it. Really hard.




Fortunately it would appear that common sense prevailed and it was found lurking in the shed.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 09, 2019, 09:14:14 am
Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...

YES!!!! That's it!!!! I now have an excuse for that foot firmly placed in same orifice.

You're a LOT more supple than me if this is no mere metaphor!

Yoga.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jurek on March 09, 2019, 06:00:21 pm
Failure to notice that the No.2 gauge clip hadn't been fitted to my hair clippers has resulted in a 0 gauge, Belsen look, haircut.  ::-)
Feel free to point and laugh.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 09, 2019, 06:21:18 pm
Pointed, laughed  :thumbsup:

BTDT
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: SteveC on March 09, 2019, 06:40:19 pm
BDTD (but at least it was only my beard)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Basil on March 09, 2019, 10:48:55 pm
Mrs B did that once.  To the dog.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on March 10, 2019, 09:28:19 am
Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...

YES!!!! That's it!!!! I now have an excuse for that foot firmly placed in same orifice.

You're a LOT more supple than me if this is no mere metaphor!

Yoga.

No, I couldn't bear that
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on March 10, 2019, 05:31:29 pm
Fettled a new tubeless tyre onto a new tubeless rim, carefully, first seating th3 tyre with a bit of detergent spray, before gently deflating, adding sealant and reinstating.  All good, only a very slight weep around the valve that soon sealed. At which point I noticed the tyre, which has a directional tread, was mounted the wrong way round  ::-).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 10, 2019, 06:18:12 pm
Don't some humans have a 'must have something in the mouth' gene?

I'm sure it's not just labs...

YES!!!! That's it!!!! I now have an excuse for that foot firmly placed in same orifice.

You're a LOT more supple than me if this is no mere metaphor!

Yoga.

No, I couldn't bear that
Are you as supple as a jelly or as rigid as a stone?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 11, 2019, 08:22:11 am
Fettled a new tubeless tyre onto a new tubeless rim, carefully, first seating th3 tyre with a bit of detergent spray, before gently deflating, adding sealant and reinstating.  All good, only a very slight weep around the valve that soon sealed. At which point I noticed the tyre, which has a directional tread, was mounted the wrong way round  ::-).

At least you didn't publish your efforts on Youtube like the bloke I watched demonstrating his tubeless technique who also got his tyre on backwards.

Fair dos, the black-on-black arrows can be wretchedly hard to find and reading the tread isn't always all that clear either.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on March 11, 2019, 08:46:45 am
Fettled a new tubeless tyre onto a new tubeless rim, carefully, first seating th3 tyre with a bit of detergent spray, before gently deflating, adding sealant and reinstating.  All good, only a very slight weep around the valve that soon sealed. At which point I noticed the tyre, which has a directional tread, was mounted the wrong way round  ::-).

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Except it was pointed out to me by my electrician (who's also  part of my MTB group) when he was doing some work for us.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Ham on March 11, 2019, 09:27:17 am
I worked up to this one.

I have a LiPo battery that's puffed up  (chunky drone battery, 7.4 nominal) and I decided to condemn said item, after all, safety first, eh? Given it is a relatively high current thingy that seemed sensible. It is fully charged. There are two  ways to discharge. (a) connect up and run (b) look on the Internet to Seek Wisdom. Wherein I dunked said item into saline for 12 hours.

Took it out and checked, still got 8+v on it. OK, OK, we're getting to it. Rummage in box, find a power resistor. Don't bother checking what it is. If I hold the body of the resistor in my hand and touch the contacts, I'll probably feel it getting warm. I mean, how quick is it going to get hot.

Brown Green Gold Gold (1.5 ohms). Bloody hot, bloody quickly. I think those colours are now burnt into my thumb, if not my brain.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ElyDave on March 11, 2019, 02:36:53 pm
no kitkat tinfoil or 6" nails handy?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: ian on March 11, 2019, 02:49:12 pm
Retrieving a pizza from the hot oven on Friday night I reached under the tray to get a grip with the tea towel, thus branding the back of my hand with the hot, hot, hot metal shelf. It looks quite impressive. Another scar for the collection.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 11, 2019, 04:19:04 pm
You've got to admit that it takes a lot of effort to get into this thread, but we work at it pretty hard.

Today I unwrapped half the bars on my Trek to replace the RD gear cable outer then found that all I had really needed to do was replace the pestilential end cap, whose long nose had split - the new inner cable ran beautifully in the outer. And I hate wrapping bars. :demon:

Shimano, I christen thee div for designing the bloody thing like that in the first place.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Tim Hall on March 11, 2019, 05:29:04 pm
I took delivery of a New! Shiny! dishwasher on Friday. When I fitted the kitchen a few months ago I made provision for one, with a dedicated tap thing and waste connection under the sink.

On offering up the dishwasher and hose I saw that the anti flood device integral to the hose meant that the dishwasher would stick too far out into the kitchen. Never mind, if I just turned the tap through 90 degrees such that the outlet pointed downwards instead of straight out and all would be well. The tap is a compression fitting, so just loosen the nut, tweak it round and nip it back up. Turn the water off? Nah, it's not like I'm taking it apart.

Loosen nut. Tap doesn't move. Loosen it a tadge more. Tap is shot off  by the pipe by the water pressure. Loud swears are uttered. I get soaked. The new laminate floor gets a wash. More swears.  Finally get it back together, turn the water off, get the mop out.

So, just to re cap, kitchen flood caused, in part, by having to accommodate an anti flood device.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Paul on March 11, 2019, 09:07:24 pm
Thanks Tim. I really appreciated that chuckle. Glad no permanent damage done.
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: citoyen on March 12, 2019, 08:11:09 am
Tim, the only disappointing thing about that story is that it wasn’t caught on camera.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Peat on March 12, 2019, 09:56:08 am
Put the bins out last night in the usual spot next to the drive.

Gosh, it's windy isn't it? I know, I'll place this brick on the lid to weigh it down.

1am - I am woken by a clatter and bang. I pull the curtain to see the bin has fallen over by the car. After a moment, I decide to get up and tidy it up as I didn't want a fox or cat getting at it and have my rubbish decorating the cul-de-sac.

Get out there in my jimjams (it's raining too!) and notice that my ingenious bin tie-down device had been flung from the bin as it fell, hitting my car on the front wing.

A nice dent and scratch.

I'm such a fecking div!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on March 12, 2019, 11:25:00 am
Quote from: Angry People In Local Newspapers
BINNNNNSSSSSS!!!!
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: rafletcher on March 13, 2019, 09:52:43 am
Tomorrow I'm not working, so this morning when I woke to the alarm, I turned it off. Then with some joy reset it to a later time for tomorrow. At 7:30 I got a text from my wife about the "bloody alarm"...   :-[ ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on March 15, 2019, 05:29:18 pm
Yesterday I didn't leap out of bed (still recovering from D&V, virus-induced). I got up, had a shower, dressed, battled the gale and rain to the train station and went to work.

Nothing terribly divvish about that, you might say.

Oh, but there is, because when I left the house, I shut the bedroom door. And when I shut the bedroom door, I didn't look under the bed. If I had looked under the bed (rather than glancing round the room), I would have seen the cat.

Therefore preventing myself from getting home last night, opening the bedroom door to be greeted by a cat and a stench of cat piss. Emanating from the bed. Rather than piss on the floor, the cat had chosen to piss on the duvet (comprehensively, through it, soaking the duvet, sheet, mattress padding and mattress.

So I spent last night washing bedding, scrubbing mattress, and sleeping in freezing cold room (windows open to help room dry out and dispel the smell).
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Jurek on March 16, 2019, 09:33:19 am
Scrabbling round to find my wallet this morning.
Looked in all the usual places.
Nothing.
Oh! Those trousers on the clothes horse?
The ones which had a 40°C wash last night.

Money laundering.
Again  ::-)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 17, 2019, 02:50:51 pm
Having retaped the Trek's bars I searched the workshop for 10 minutes for the Bontrager buttbar plug I must have flicked off the bench when removing the old tape. Then found it still in the bar end. ;D

ETA: Also, broke a piece of the bar-end fixing of my Zefal mirror, ordered a new one then managed to fit the old one. Well, it's a bit scratched.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on March 19, 2019, 12:38:51 am
Following on from https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10706.msg2379046#msg2379046 I've just spent a couple of hours wanking about in re-learning gnuplot, because spreadsheets are universally awful (and infuriatingly slow) at graphing large datasets.

Having achieved a beautiful plot of my non-compliant electricity supply in a perfectly good postscript file (for ease of throwing at Ye Olde Laserjet), I had a go at generating a SVG for general showing-off purposes.  Unfortunately, it had passed midnight and, in a moment of filetype aphasia, I generated an empty CSV file over the top of my source data.  For maximum divvishness I'd also over-enthusiastically tidied up the multimeter's SD card while I had it in the computer, so that was my only copy.

Sometimes the universe has a way of telling you to go to bed.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: T42 on March 19, 2019, 08:54:03 am
Without any supper at that.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 19, 2019, 10:03:28 am
Scrabbling round to find my wallet this morning.
Looked in all the usual places.
Nothing.
Oh! Those trousers on the clothes horse?
The ones which had a 40°C wash last night.

Money laundering.
Again  ::-)
You need some antimony!
(see Grammar thread)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: matthew on March 21, 2019, 03:49:26 pm
So last week I organised a set of training for today, back in my base office. Nicely booked the meeting and meeting room in the outlook calendar as is the normal practice for my client location.....


and completely forgot that meeting rooms in my home office have to be booked through reception  :facepalm:


Arrived at work this morning to a worried receptionist as my presenter had arrived mentioned the meeting room but it had been booked for someone else. Further there were no available meeting rooms in the entire building. We ended up meeting in one of the breakout areas into which the facilities team deployed one of the plasma screens to display everything.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Andrij on March 25, 2019, 12:05:25 pm
Booked a coach ticket for a late April trip to Cardiff.  In the process of adjusting variables I failed to notice the travel date returned to a system default.  Anyone want to travel to Cardiff this Thursday?  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on March 25, 2019, 01:55:01 pm
Not me but:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-47691478 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-47691478)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: citoyen on March 25, 2019, 02:27:20 pm
Booked a train ticket via thetrainline.com from Paddington to Exeter for the Back to the Smoke 400. Phoned GWR to make bike reservation. All good. No divviness so far.

Went to pick up proof of bike reservation from Paddington, noticed a timing discrepancy between my ticket and the bike reservation. Showed my e-ticket to the nice woman behind counter. She pointed out that my ticket was for the SW service from Waterloo, not the GWR from Paddington.

Usual story of looking too closely at the price rather than any other details of what I was actually booking. I have form for this - once accidentally booked a return flight from Spain on the wrong day because I was distracted by the fact that it was cheaper than the day I was intending to travel - on that occasion, I had to pay substantially more than the price difference to amend the booking, of course.

Fortunately, when I phoned SW, they still had bike spaces available on the train I'm travelling on. Just as well I made the effort to pick up my bike reservation ticket in plenty of time, not leave it to the last minute, so maybe I'm not such a div after all!

And the ticket only cost £15, so I can't complain about that either (though obviously I was too late making my booking to get a cheap ticket on the faster GWR service).
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: fboab on March 25, 2019, 04:10:02 pm
I have booked a train ticket for my daughter to come up and visit at Easter.
On the mobile app on my phone.
That's where the ticket is.
Fuck.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: sib on March 25, 2019, 04:21:27 pm
@fboab
did you use trainline ?
apparently you can forward the confirmation to your daughters email and she can access if she has the app ?
HTH
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fboab on March 25, 2019, 06:37:35 pm
Nope- Northern. It's a mobile ticket.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on March 25, 2019, 08:45:52 pm
If its a QR code then you can take a screen shot of it and send it on to her; that will open the gates. I use that because the the GWR app is so c@rp that it “loses”my ticket ‘twin train and gate.
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on March 26, 2019, 09:49:00 am
If its a QR code then you can take a screen shot of it and send it on to her; that will open the gates. I use that because the the GWR app is so c@rp that it “loses”my ticket ‘twin train and gate.

But the eTicket facility proved very useful when I got to Paddington this morning to find I'd bought a ticket for tomorrow :facepalm: Fortunately I could use the app to buy a ticket for a train leaving Didcot a few minutes later and exited the gate 2 minutes before the train left Didcot.

 
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: chrisbainbridge on March 26, 2019, 10:44:14 am
But the eTicket facility proved very useful when I got to Paddington this morning to find I'd bought a ticket for tomorrow :facepalm: Fortunately I could use the app to buy a ticket for a train leaving Didcot a few minutes later and exited the gate 2 minutes before the train left Didcot.

I do this regularly.  I go to a lot of court cases with a defined start but undefined finish so generally buy a single to the court and then buy my return ticket walking from court to train station, often actually on the concourse as i see which train i can manage to get.

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: PaulF on March 26, 2019, 10:53:39 am
But the eTicket facility proved very useful when I got to Paddington this morning to find I'd bought a ticket for tomorrow :facepalm: Fortunately I could use the app to buy a ticket for a train leaving Didcot a few minutes later and exited the gate 2 minutes before the train left Didcot.

I do this regularly.  I go to a lot of court cases with a defined start but undefined finish so generally buy a single to the court and then buy my return ticket walking from court to train station, often actually on the concourse as i see which train i can manage to get.



Yes, but Paddington was my destination and I'd already traveled by the time I discovered I had no ticket. Because it was so early the barriers were open at Didcot and there were no inspectors.
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: fboab on March 26, 2019, 12:43:04 pm
Northern e-tickets aren't a QR code- you activate them in the app - and this journey involves 2 changes.
It's a really handy system. Unless you're not actually the person travelling. I think I have to go and talk to a person about it.
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: citoyen on March 26, 2019, 11:14:50 pm
In my defence, if the tube had been lying the other way up, I’d probably have noticed that it was labelled Germolene, not Colgate...
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: Butterfly on March 27, 2019, 08:32:39 am
In my defence, if the tube had been lying the other way up, I’d probably have noticed that it was labelled Germolene, not Colgate...

 ;D ;D ;D

(sorry)
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Torslanda on March 27, 2019, 11:02:40 am
Ask me who dropped his new motorbike putting it in the shed. Were it not for the intervention of #1 son I'd probably still be under it...
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Si S on March 27, 2019, 11:59:30 am
Well, somebody's got to.....How's the bike?

Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Kim on March 27, 2019, 12:48:43 pm
Is the shed okay?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: Cudzoziemiec on March 27, 2019, 01:18:27 pm
How's #1 son?
Title: Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
Post by: fimm on March 28, 2019, 01:37:00 pm
Them: could you email a scan of <document>?
Me: here is a scan of <document>. Is that sufficient?
Yes, that is what they asked for, you idiot!
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: T42 on March 28, 2019, 02:03:53 pm
In my defence, if the tube had been lying the other way up, I’d probably have noticed that it was labelled Germolene, not Colgate...

You don't happen to be tall and fair-haired with one black shoe, do you?
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: citoyen on March 28, 2019, 02:10:14 pm
In my defence, if the tube had been lying the other way up, I’d probably have noticed that it was labelled Germolene, not Colgate...

You don't happen to be tall and fair-haired with one black shoe, do you?

I had to look that up to get the reference... Not a film I'm familiar with though I must say it sounds right up my street!
Title: Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
Post by: T42 on March 28, 2019, 03:19:13 pm
In my defence, if the tube had been lying the other way up, I’d probably have noticed that it was labelled Germolene, not Colgate...

You don't happen to be tall and fair-haired