Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 70378 times)

Tim Hall

  • I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #600 on: April 12, 2019, 12:35:54 pm »

as well as ensuring consumers’ full natural experiences.


There's a lot to be said in favour of full natural experiences. I haven't experienced any as a consumer though.
There are two ways you can get exercise out of a bicycle: you can
"overhaul" it, or you can ride it.  (Jerome K Jerome)

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #601 on: April 12, 2019, 12:59:14 pm »
There's a Negasonic Teenage Warhead in Deadpool, if that helps.

This has just led me to learn that the Marvel character was named after the Monster Magnet track rather than the other way round.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #602 on: April 12, 2019, 01:17:01 pm »
So basically, what they say is true!

Quote
***** is a special carrier oil. ***** uses a unique technique of an award-winning Brassica Napus
Seed Oil and natural ***, leading to the perfect natural extraction with reliable stability through a
purification process by ****. Herbal infusions of ***** can serve as an effective skin conditioning agent,
as well as ensuring consumers’ full natural experiences.

...and it's also a great big mountain of farm waste...

I miss blockchain bollocks. It's better than this guff.

I'm currently working for a well-known purveyor of non-pharmaceutical health and wellbeing products, and writing this kind of guff is my bread and butter. The real art is making medical claims for the products without making any medical claims at all, because that would contravene the regulations.

I'm not proud of myself but it pays the mortgage.

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #603 on: April 12, 2019, 02:23:03 pm »
I'm modestly proud that work I did nudged us a (tiny) bit closer to synthetic nucleotides, which of course opened the way to synthetic DNA, and the likely eventual demise of the human race as we engineer our own overlords.
!nataS pihsroW

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #604 on: April 12, 2019, 02:28:09 pm »
That should be submitted to New Scientist. They have a slot for that on the inside back page.

I'm fascinated to know what a 'megasonic wave' is. Care to ask the marketing team ?

They'll just tell you to knock it off with those negative waves, man...
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare.
Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. (R. Wilensky)

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #605 on: April 12, 2019, 02:35:04 pm »
In other news, someone actually made a quantum crystal (admittedly a teeny one, but still the largest object yet to violate Bell's inequality).

They somehow failed to mention whether it cured any ailment when swung on a pendulum over someone's belly.
!nataS pihsroW

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #606 on: May 21, 2019, 01:39:36 pm »
So the new mob are super keen on this garbage, I have 500 pages of stuff like 'synergize' and 'sharpen the saw' to plough through before a 2 day leadership workshop at the end of the week. If there's a mass murder at spa hotel in the peaks this week you know why, although it'd be consistent with the psychological profile I've recently had to do to see if I'm suited to the job I've been doing for years.  ::-)

cygnet

  • I'm part of the association
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #607 on: May 22, 2019, 09:04:57 am »
Quote
Hi All,

XCO is looking to leverage the power of digital data, computation and parametric design to further merge evolving technologies within engineering to create a digital toolkit suite. This will enable automation of mundane tasks and increase the interoperability between software platforms which will save time, gain efficiencies, reduce errors and provide more time for greater creative solutions.

Shudder.
I Said, I've Got A Big Stick

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #608 on: May 22, 2019, 09:13:54 am »
Quote
Hi All,

XCO is looking to leverage the power of digital data, computation and parametric design to further merge evolving technologies within engineering to create a digital toolkit suite. This will enable automation of mundane tasks and increase the interoperability between software platforms which will save time, gain efficiencies, reduce errors and provide more time for greater creative solutions.

Shudder.

whereas a company I did some work for recently said " we want people to be doing meaningful tasks rather than shuffling data, so we're using this one tool to hold all data and let people use it to produce the reports they want"
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #609 on: May 22, 2019, 11:46:18 am »
Quote
Hi All,

XCO is looking to leverage the power of digital data, computation and parametric design to further merge evolving technologies within engineering to create a digital toolkit suite. This will enable automation of mundane tasks and increase the interoperability between software platforms which will save time, gain efficiencies, reduce errors and provide more time for greater creative solutions.

Shudder.

Oh, I am so stealing 'parametric design.'
!nataS pihsroW

FifeingEejit

  • Not Small just Far Away at the back
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #610 on: May 22, 2019, 12:48:24 pm »
Quote
Hi All,

XCO is looking to leverage the power of digital data, computation and parametric design to further merge evolving technologies within engineering to create a digital toolkit suite. This will enable automation of mundane tasks and increase the interoperability between software platforms which will save time, gain efficiencies, reduce errors and provide more time for greater creative solutions.

Shudder.

Oh, I am so stealing 'parametric design.'

Quote
Parametric design is a process based on algorithmic thinking that enables the expression of parameters and rules that, together, define, encode and clarify the relationship between design intent and design response.

Yu wat now?


caerau

  • SR x 3 - PBP fail but 1090 km - hey - not too bad
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #611 on: May 22, 2019, 12:50:35 pm »
Isn't parametrics like the Paralympics cept for mathematicians?

It's a reverse Elvis thing.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #612 on: May 22, 2019, 12:55:55 pm »
Quote
Hi All,

XCO is looking to leverage the power of digital data, computation and parametric design to further merge evolving technologies within engineering to create a digital toolkit suite. This will enable automation of mundane tasks and increase the interoperability between software platforms which will save time, gain efficiencies, reduce errors and provide more time for greater creative solutions.

Shudder.

Translation: we're writing some subroutines.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #613 on: May 22, 2019, 02:22:05 pm »
Since I vacated my Tidy Haired Thought Leadership™ chair for the elevated subdecks of product innovation, I've thus learned two things:

firstly, add the words 'artificial intelligence' to everything.
secondly, how to spell algorithm and understand it's not a peculiar kind of dance move.
!nataS pihsroW

caerau

  • SR x 3 - PBP fail but 1090 km - hey - not too bad
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #614 on: May 22, 2019, 02:23:41 pm »
no mention of mnemonics?
It's a reverse Elvis thing.

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #615 on: May 22, 2019, 02:24:38 pm »
Not that I remember.
!nataS pihsroW

caerau

  • SR x 3 - PBP fail but 1090 km - hey - not too bad
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #616 on: May 22, 2019, 02:26:19 pm »
Well I am rather out of date in computerise things.
It's a reverse Elvis thing.

FifeingEejit

  • Not Small just Far Away at the back
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #617 on: May 22, 2019, 02:42:02 pm »
no mention of mnemonics?

The danger of those things is when you accidentally refer to the Bon Jovi architecture in a serious situation.

I of course have absolutely no memory of the Von Neumann architecture is beyond that.