Author Topic: TdeF 2017  (Read 45439 times)

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #25 on: July 01, 2017, 09:06:37 pm »
Half of the riders in the top 8 today were Team Sky riders.

I imagine you're absolutely delighted by this!

Pingu

  • Put away those fiery biscuits!
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    • the Igloo
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #26 on: July 01, 2017, 10:08:43 pm »
Yay!

I saw TV's *** Boulting in FurryBootToon earlier this year  :)

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #27 on: July 01, 2017, 10:14:36 pm »
Half of the riders in the top 8 today were Team Sky riders.

I imagine you're absolutely delighted by this!

I just think it's very normal.

Torslanda

  • Professional Gobshite
  • Just a tart for retro kit . . .
    • John's Bikes
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #28 on: July 01, 2017, 10:33:07 pm »
Astana beansTM obviously working!
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #29 on: July 02, 2017, 12:54:47 pm »
Surely that's a Schloß, ***, not a château?
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #30 on: July 02, 2017, 01:34:56 pm »
Watching this at my mum's on ITV4 and having withdrawal symptoms from the absence of messrs Durand,Virenque, Moncoutie et al. No french telly in spite of being in Brittany. :'(

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #31 on: July 02, 2017, 01:40:16 pm »
No french telly in spite of being in Brittany. :'(

This works for me: http://sport.francetvinfo.fr/tour-de-france/direct

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #32 on: July 02, 2017, 01:51:13 pm »
J Durand:That's plucky J Durand 2 u, laddie!
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

T42

  • Gaulois réfractaire
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #33 on: July 02, 2017, 02:01:02 pm »
Plucky J. Durand as in the Beatles' warble "I wanna hold your hand[le de door]"?
I dare eat all that may become a man.

But hold the oysters.

T42

  • Gaulois réfractaire
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #34 on: July 02, 2017, 02:25:59 pm »
Pukiest bike colours: WGG's mid-blue with pink fluo bars. :sick:
I dare eat all that may become a man.

But hold the oysters.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #35 on: July 02, 2017, 05:06:11 pm »
Stage 2: Düsseldorf->Liège

N Boulting:O hai! TV’s *** Boulting here! Blah!
SD Millar:O hai! TV’s Super D Millar reporting 4 duty. What tiem’s lunch, ***?
N Boulting:L8er, Super D. First we have 2 talk inanely about not much 4 an hour. Look, see, they have stopped teh pelican 4 teh anthems. We’ll show our RISPEK by cutting to teh adverts!
Grams: Orchestra playing Beethoven
N Farage:Stop that! STOP THAT!!1! We don’t have to listen 2 that rubbish any more!
Omnes:Get tae fck, u grubby little crypto-fascist jelly baby!
Exit N Farage, pursued by TV’s G Miller, with an axe
N Boulting:See, a futile break has formed!
SD Millar:Yes. Yes, it has. Still, it will be a stage 4 teh sprinters because I, TV’s Super D Millar said so. Also, since teh last Tour de France I haz heard ov Game Theory.
Y Offredo:O hai! I am Y Offredo and I am fukn’ nails, me! C me larrf @ ur baseball bat and StanleyTM knife tomfoolery! Let me taek teh spottyjumper or I will kill u utterly to DETH!
T Phinney:O hai! I am T Phinney and I am made ov teh Win! Not only iz mi Dad bigger than urs, mi Mum iz bigger than ur Dad! C me get teh spottyjumper!
Y Offredo:Arse! U git, T Phinney!
T Boudat:Ur Mum!!1!
Y Offredo:Fukn watch it, u gr8 ponce!
Later…
N Boulting:Because me and TV’s SD Millar are made ov teh Win, we haz negotiated a similar contract 2 teh one TV’s Evil C Boardman had 4 teh Olympics, so we iz off 4 lunch!
SD Millar:Yay! Caviar & quails’ eggs, turbot au beurre blanc et fruits de la forêt here I come! Let’s go, ***!
N Boulting:Not forgetting teh Puligny-Montrachet, Super D! Meanwhile, here are M Smith and TG Hart, a Ginsters pasty and a bottle of Pschitt…
M Smith:O hai! I am. TV’s M. Smith and. I am. Made ov. Teh Win!
Omnes:U were better in Doctor Wossname, m8!
TG Hart:O hai! I am TG Hart and I would liek 2 be TV’s TG Hart. Better than riding a bloody bike all day, even without teh expense account lunches!
Omnes:Not. A. Chance.
Later…
TD Gendt:O hai! I am TD Gendt and I am made ov teh Win! Tiem 2 chase down teh futile break!
T Peloton:Pack it in, u sillybollocks!
N Boulting:The race needs a reboot.
Omnes:O RLY, ***? Have u tried switching it off and on again lol?
E ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]ez:O hai! I am E ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]ez and I, although tipped as a potential GC contender, had a piss-awful prologue and have therefore just turned up 4 teh joke comedy purposes!
Quite a lot later…
N Boulting:Tell teh boys and girls about teh Citadel de Jülich, Super D!
SD Millar:(Improvising desperately) Er, it was, um, built in teh fifteenth century by Bobby Julich, as somewhere to keep teh lawnmower, er…
B Dickinson:O hai! I am B Dickinson, poet, airline pilot, bon viveur, soldier of fortune and winner ov teh mrs joyful prize 4 rafia work! Did I just hear a cowbell?
SD Millar:w00t! Saved by teh (cow)bell!
Omnes:Ding-DONG!!1!
C Smash:Do not bother 2 ask, B Dickinson, u already know teh answer!
Very later…
N Boulting:Look! Look, it is raining!
SD Millar:Yes. Yes, it is. Here is TV’s M Rendall and a Team $ky minion.
M Rendall:O hāi! Myn naem ß`appęlle M Rendałł del diståscope øg mi blong Sieg Heil! Was haz ù im di wee baggo? Fefefefe Čhris Ŵaddle.
T$ Minion:Nuzzing mush. Cloze, coke, shooz, weed, drinkies, yellow bentines, hatses, covfefe, arse balm, Astana BeanzTM. Uzhul Stuffs.
SD Brailsford:Cut! CUT, FFS!!1!
FX: Advertising-announcements
A Tellyman:Buy! Buy an Audi! Shopping is freedom! Buy peanuts! Debt is power! Buy a sofa! Buy! Buy!
Omnes:Look, look!!1! Teh Watchfinder-General haz turned his biek umop-ap!sdn!!1! Fukn’ heathen!
Meanwhile…
C Froome:O hai! I am C Froome and I am made of… Arse!
R Bardet:O hai! I am R Bardet and I… Piss! O hai, C Froome! Fancy meeting u here!
T Phinney:Yay! Teh spottyjumper! Now for a S Partacus-stylee assault on teh shinyjumper!
Y Offredo:U & whose army, T Phinney? Have a go if u think ur hard enuff!
Finally…
J Bauer:O hai! I am J Bauer and I am made ov teh Win! Previously on ‘24’… Oh.
SD Millar:Game Theory!
T Peloton:Gotcha!
SD Millar:Lucky break 4 mi l33t 4casting 5k1llz, eh, readers? Game Theory.
M Kitteh:Sprint, sprint, sprinteeeee! Yay! Pwnage! Also, miaow! Fish plz!
A Greipel:Piss!
M Cavendish:Arse!
F Aru:Wait… what!!1! If u hear me howling around your kitchen door, better not let me in! Oh.
G Thomas:Tomorrow is another day.
J Alaphilippe:Oi! That’s mi line! Also, RAAAWWWRRR!!1!
CP Sagan:Do I get to say ‘Crazy’ now?
Omnes:Shut up, CP Sagan!!1!
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #36 on: July 02, 2017, 05:22:26 pm »
These are suspiciously good, Mr.

mattc

  • "Hannibal"
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    • Didcot Audaxes
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #37 on: July 02, 2017, 06:04:08 pm »
Comments on Stage 1&2, in descending importance:

- That is an excellent Matt Ren'dell impression.

- Does Geraint's "Carer" really need 13 bottles of water for his post-race recovery??

- When/why did Sky abolish Soigneurs and hire carers? (Probably not becuse I think it's a funny name).

- Is Froome C really the most news-worthy thing in the race at the mo? All he's done is fall off, ride an unexciting tiome-trial, and look *extremely* awkward when asked a harmless question about nutrition.

- "Watchfinder" - who desnt hear that and immediately put "... General" after it?

- Who knew that Dusseldorf would be prettier than Liege? My Tourist Guide to Euro-land needs updating ...

- Apparently the various fractures suffered by the prologue riders were "just part of bikeracing", and its "impossible to protect 14km of roads." FFS - there were maybe 8 fast corners. 2 gym-mats rolled-up at the exit of each would have reduced the risk of serious injury by about 70%. A few quid and a couple of man-hours would have been enough to prevent just about *every* injury. HOW many million Euro did Dusseldorf pay for the race??
Has never ridden RAAM
---------
No.11  Because of the great host of those who dislike the least appearance of "swank " when they travel the roads and lanes. - From Kuklos' 39 Articles

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #38 on: July 02, 2017, 08:30:51 pm »
No french telly in spite of being in Brittany. :'(

This works for me: http://sport.francetvinfo.fr/tour-de-france/direct

Never thought of the net for telly. Mum only has brit on her satellite!

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #39 on: July 02, 2017, 08:46:43 pm »
Comments on Stage 1&2, in descending importance:

- That is an excellent Matt Ren'dell impression.

- Does Geraint's "Carer" really need 13 bottles of water for his post-race recovery??

- When/why did Sky abolish Soigneurs and hire carers? (Probably not becuse I think it's a funny name).


I suspect that Sky are trying to make the distinction between the old-school soigneurs who were responsible for nutrition, massage, injuries, medical matters ( making sure that rider's did not mistakenly take anything positive )etc etc and the new structures where teams have chiropractors, nutritionists, doctors etc.
I'm glad that I was a soigneur when it was a bit more than carrying bidons and wiping off embrocation.

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #40 on: July 02, 2017, 09:17:11 pm »
I'm surprised that some unheard of watch company has main sponsorship od itv4 coverage. Doesn't say a lot for perceived viewing figures

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #41 on: July 02, 2017, 09:29:58 pm »
I'm surprised that some unheard of watch company has main sponsorship od itv4 coverage. Doesn't say a lot for perceived viewing figures

Watchfinder is where collectors go to spend a few grand on a flash timepiece.   I found it a bit more indicative of the average road/sportive rider these days.   Disposable budgets in the sport are a little different these days.

Vince

  • Can't climb; won't climb
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #42 on: July 02, 2017, 11:25:41 pm »
Comments on Stage 1&2, in descending importance:

- When/why did Sky abolish Soigneurs and hire carers? (Probably not becuse I think it's a funny name).

Some one at Sky has been reading this?

BTW I was listening to the result on the radio and after the stage winner was announced I mentally added 'Also Miaoww'. Damn you Larrington!
216km from Marsh Gibbon

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #43 on: July 03, 2017, 07:58:15 am »
Comments on Stage 1&2, in descending importance:
...
- Apparently the various fractures suffered by the prologue riders were "just part of bikeracing", and its "impossible to protect 14km of roads." FFS - there were maybe 8 fast corners. 2 gym-mats rolled-up at the exit of each would have reduced the risk of serious injury by about 70%. A few quid and a couple of man-hours would have been enough to prevent just about *every* injury. HOW many million Euro did Dusseldorf pay for the race??

Have a look at this discussion...  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haLgLaKvAvM    After Valverde crash, TDF must become safer 

"an inordinate fondness for beetles"

T42

  • Gaulois réfractaire
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #44 on: July 03, 2017, 08:27:29 am »
+1. For the cost of a few bales of hay and a heavier clean-up.
I dare eat all that may become a man.

But hold the oysters.

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #45 on: July 03, 2017, 10:32:44 am »
- Is Froome C really the most news-worthy thing in the race at the mo?

Personally, I think Taylor Phinney's ride yesterday is the highlight so far. After his injury, it looked unlikely that he'd ever ride a bike again, never mind race at the top level. Great to see him back doing what he does best.

Gutsy ride by Yoann Offredo too, considering the year he's had - attacked by a maniac with a baseball bat and box cutter while out training a few months ago.

Quote
- "Watchfinder" - who desnt hear that and immediately put "... General" after it?

 ;D

While we're on the subject, I am already thoroughly sick of the KP nuts ad.

Quote
- Apparently the various fractures suffered by the prologue riders were "just part of bikeracing", and its "impossible to protect 14km of roads." FFS - there were maybe 8 fast corners. 2 gym-mats rolled-up at the exit of each would have reduced the risk of serious injury by about 70%. A few quid and a couple of man-hours would have been enough to prevent just about *every* injury. HOW many million Euro did Dusseldorf pay for the race??

Two things:
1. Over 190 riders made it through that bend without falling off. These are hugely experienced riders who know how to ride safely in the wet. Gilbert and Porte both made comments in their post-race interviews about being cautious and living to fight another day. Surely there's too much at stake to be taking risks on a short opening TT? Froome did a recce of the course in the team car as it followed Kiryienka and it clearly paid off. His time may have been "unexciting" but it was exciting enough to give him a gap on all his main rivals. It's not like Valverde was unaware of the conditions or had any excuse not to know where the dangerous parts of the course were by the time he set off. His crash was entirely of his own making. It's possible that padding/hay bales on the bend might have mitigated his injuries but riders need to take some responsibility for their own safety. If you look at the video of Durbridge's crash, it's terrifying just how fast he was going into that bend. Insane.
2. Are you absolutely sure that the injuries were all caused by hitting the barrier rather than by hitting the road?

Torslanda

  • Professional Gobshite
  • Just a tart for retro kit . . .
    • John's Bikes
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #46 on: July 03, 2017, 10:54:51 am »
Maybe if they'd all been wearing helmets.

Oh! Hang on...  ;D
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #47 on: July 03, 2017, 11:40:01 am »

[...]

Two things:
1. Over 190 riders made it through that bend without falling off. These are hugely experienced riders who know how to ride safely in the wet. Gilbert and Porte both made comments in their post-race interviews about being cautious and living to fight another day. Surely there's too much at stake to be taking risks on a short opening TT? Froome did a recce of the course in the team car as it followed Kiryienka and it clearly paid off. His time may have been "unexciting" but it was exciting enough to give him a gap on all his main rivals. It's not like Valverde was unaware of the conditions or had any excuse not to know where the dangerous parts of the course were by the time he set off. His crash was entirely of his own making. It's possible that padding/hay bales on the bend might have mitigated his injuries but riders need to take some responsibility for their own safety. If you look at the video of Durbridge's crash, it's terrifying just how fast he was going into that bend. Insane.
2. Are you absolutely sure that the injuries were all caused by hitting the barrier rather than by hitting the road?

Yebbut, shirley cushioning barriers, as provided in F1 (not that I watch it or am inviting too close a comparison) are there to provide a safer zone in certain areas should someone happen slide off, albeit a relatively infrequent occurrence.  Vv did actually hit the barrier.
"an inordinate fondness for beetles"

Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #48 on: July 03, 2017, 12:36:46 pm »
These commentaries are very amusing (if slightly bizarre  ??? ) but what is the story behind them? I feel like I am missing an important cultural reference (a bit like the time my mother came out with a line about being "the only gay person in the village" and then had to tell me about the Little Britain sketch...)

spesh

  • Keep calm and - Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Re: TdeF 2017
« Reply #49 on: July 03, 2017, 12:44:19 pm »
I am already thoroughly sick of the KP nuts ad.

If you are going to take a fussy elephant to a party, you should take your own bloody nuts with you.  :demon:
"There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves." ~ Will Rogers