Author Topic: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version  (Read 6204 times)

Mr Larrington

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Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« on: July 06, 2019, 12:04:51 am »
O hai!  By popular demand1 P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®'s Alternative Tour ov France Colemantary has its own thread this year.  Warning: may contain some, or more, of the following:
  • (click to show/hide)
  • Fake news
  • M Smith
  • In-jokes
  • Bethany (9)
  • Bad hats
  • Crap jokes
  • Pelicans
  • Un-jokes
  • Bethany's Mum
Attempts to discuss the race seriously in this thread with be treated with scorn, Bad Swears and a duffing-up from a surplus-to-requirements N Bouhanni.  Note that there may be occasional delays in transmission because gigs, the British Grand Prix and Parental Obligations.  We don't get paid for this, y'know.  Not even in kumquats.

1: May contain traces of Lie
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2019, 07:42:17 am »
Oh huzzah! Twice, thrice huzzah!
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

T42

  • Tea tank
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2019, 07:52:51 am »
Jolly good old chep!
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #3 on: July 06, 2019, 08:06:29 am »
I’ve got the wine, baguettes, cheese and AED. I’m ready.
L'enfer, c'est les autos.

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2019, 08:53:14 am »
Yay!

By popular demand

1: May contain traces of Lie

Well, if my demand isn't popular, I don't know what is  ;)

But no, M. Kitteh, sadly.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2019, 11:22:00 am »
O hai!  By popular demand1 P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®'s Alternative Tour ov France Colemantary has its own thread this year.  Warning: may contain some, or more, of the following:

<list of stuffs snipped for brevity>

Attempts to discuss the race seriously in this thread with be treated with scorn, Bad Swears and a duffing-up from a surplus-to-requirements N Bouhanni.  Note that there may be occasional delays in transmission because gigs, the British Grand Prix and Parental Obligations.  We don't get paid for this, y'know.  Not even in kumquats.

1: May contain traces of Lie

[FX: Happy crowd noises, throwing of hats, vuvuzelas etc.]
Hell is empty, and all of the devils are here.

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2019, 11:22:49 am »
Splendid I say, and MOAR over spiffing.
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2019, 02:12:05 pm »
But no, M. Kitteh, sadly.

No Nice C Boardmen either.  :(

With a few big names either fading or injured, and me not having watched much pro racing this year, I don't really have much of a clue who are the contenders - or even who is racing.

I'm sure that Mr L's daily reports will help make things clear, as usual.

bludger

  • Randonneur and bargain hunter
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2019, 02:20:44 pm »
yes welll the boys're spinning in big gurrs up tem hills you know.
YACF touring/audax bargain basement:
https://bit.ly/2Xg8pRD


Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2019, 02:53:23 pm »
But no, M. Kitteh, sadly.

No Nice C Boardmen either.  :(

With a few big names either fading or injured, and me not having watched much pro racing this year, I don't really have much of a clue who are the contenders - or even who is racing.

I'm sure that Mr L's daily reports will help make things clear, as usual.

For the GC, the Inner Ring's got Bernal and Fuglsang ahead of Thomas, Quintana, Pinot and Adam Yates, but TBH, this year is probably the most open, so who knows?

Barring a crash or being shot by the Commissars, CP Sagan's probably a dead cert for another snottypoints win.

The polka-dot competition won't necessarily be between just the climbers this year because of the nature of the course. All the HC cols are over 2,000m so score double, and it may well be that GC contenders will be picking up the spottypoints as a side effect of riding for the overall win.

http://inrng.com/2019/07/tour-de-france-preview-2019/
http://inrng.com/2019/07/tour-de-france-points-competition/
http://inrng.com/2019/07/tour-de-france-mountains-contenders-competition/

For a full list of riders:

https://www.letour.fr/en/riders or
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_teams_and_cyclists_in_the_2019_Tour_de_France
Hell is empty, and all of the devils are here.

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2019, 06:09:09 pm »
[FX: GBFO grandfather clock, fingers drumming on a wooden table]

In the meantime, before someone at Letour.fr or Amaury Sports realises, anyone for a game of "Spot the silly mistake"?  :demon:

Linky: https://img.aso.fr/core_app/img-cycling-tdf-jpg/01uk-classement-nl/15380/0:0,640:320-640-0-70/b341a (contains traces of SPOILERS)
Hell is empty, and all of the devils are here.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2019, 06:50:06 pm »
Stage 1: Brussels – Brussels

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External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #12 on: July 06, 2019, 08:05:47 pm »
I saw some people fall off bikes today, I have no idea who moste of them are.

I see the Gorilla is still there, though I have no idea if he is still any good?
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Mr Larrington

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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #13 on: July 06, 2019, 08:16:45 pm »
He didn't make the top ten today.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #14 on: July 06, 2019, 08:43:16 pm »
Popeye's Stunt Double hasn't had any success in the Tour since 2016, and his best years were 2012 and 2015 where he won 3 and 4 stages respectively, finishing 2nd in the snottypoints competition both times.

* For some reason, Greipel's always reminded me of the spinach-nomming sailor, as portrayed by Robin Williams. Something to do with the facial expression in head-on shots when he wins a stage.
Hell is empty, and all of the devils are here.

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
    • Twitter
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #15 on: July 06, 2019, 08:46:44 pm »
Ver good. You're gonnae have to remind who DI McPherson was tho.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Pingu

  • Put away those fiery biscuits!
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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #16 on: July 06, 2019, 08:54:23 pm »
How to tackle the Mur


IMG_4342 by The Pingus, on Flickr

Mrs Pingu

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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #17 on: July 06, 2019, 08:57:41 pm »
Stuff a Maatentaart in yer cakehole.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #18 on: July 06, 2019, 10:00:29 pm »
Ver good. You're gonnae have to remind who DI McPherson was tho.

McPherson is permanently on the sick and/or in hostipal with concussion, snapped limbs ect ect.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #19 on: July 06, 2019, 10:12:01 pm »
You're that confident that Porte will crash out on <checks notes> stage 9 again?  :demon:
Hell is empty, and all of the devils are here.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #20 on: July 06, 2019, 10:16:28 pm »
My prediction for this year is that R Porte will be forced to retire after a wound inflicted by Didi Senff's rubber trident goes rusty.  Stage 7 or 8.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #21 on: July 07, 2019, 07:13:33 am »
you think he'll make it that far?
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #22 on: July 07, 2019, 10:44:17 am »
Depends on the nature of the TTT course today, I suppose.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #23 on: July 07, 2019, 02:50:08 pm »
The lack of rain on the TTT course today is increasing the chances of a finish by even the most accident prone. And making it even more boring into the bargain.
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #24 on: July 07, 2019, 04:08:49 pm »
I like the Atonium


Atomium