Author Topic: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition  (Read 3635 times)

Mr Larrington

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TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« on: August 28, 2020, 10:26:17 pm »
O hai! Better a Tour ov France in Aug & Sep than no Tour ov France at all. Leastways that's our motto here @ P@nd3m1c+ Pr0duckt10nzTM®. Assuming there actually is a race at all – and it may be that starting this topic is akin to speaking TP Fairy’s name out loud – we feel we should warn those of a nervous disposition that this thread may contain some, or more, of:

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Will Bethany (10) avoid incarceration, snapped limbs and informal interment in Epping Forest? Will radio's M Smith go too far and weld one of his hostages guests+++ to the door handle? In what language will TV's Encycleopædia Rendallica deliver his opening salvo of History? Will Syrah Poulidor-Featherstonehaugh (Mrs) take legal action against Bethany's Mum over those unfounded++++ allegations the latter apparently sold to The [“Scum” – Ed.]? Will TV's Super D Millar fall asleep during a 200 km transition stage? Will TV’s *** Boulting finally identify a birb correctly? And will Bethany's Cool Uncle Joe become the snout king of 'B' Landing? All these questions may, or may not, be answered in the coming days and weeks, but if you want sensible discussion of the actual race or arguments about non-mind-altering drugs try the other thread. Unless you give us money, natch. Integrity? We've heard of it...

+
Name shamelessly robbed from that AC Clarke’s story Armaments Race years ago so stop complaining. Audi haven’t changed their name just because it’s been tarnished by the activities of dickheads, have they?
++
Possibly.
+++
Probably that bloke who isn't him out of the Pet Shop Boys after all.
++++
Allegedly. Not that you, Constant Reader, would stoop so low as to want the details.
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Torslanda

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2020, 12:00:29 am »
And what of TV's Nice C Boardman?*

Mrs. Torslanda, she of the horned helmet and heavy metal breastplate, needs to know...








*According a certain Mr C. B. Oardman - who is my FREND on FarceBark - he & others are incarcerated in Leeds Castle (which, as I'm sure you all KNO, isn't in Leeds) for the duration of Le Tour OV France. From where he will unoubtedly be forced** to provide cutting edge and in depth analysis of everything from the roll out to the run in to the stage finish. All without being within 300 miles of the action on the road...

**If he wants feeding, anyway.
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Mr Larrington

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2020, 12:10:54 am »
We shall only be certain of the activities of TV's C Boardmen* after ITV4 have cranked up the theme tune, but Evil C Boardman probably won't be able to recce the final kilometres looking for the Spot Most Likely To Contain B0rked Lead-Out Trains.  It'd be a chiz if Super D and *** are also confined to barracks; it wouldn’t be the same without the former regaling us with his tales of art galleries and the latter with his tales of R Bardet's local ice cream parlour.

* How do you know which C Boardman has the keys to the Farcebok account?
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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2020, 08:03:13 am »
Excellent.
L'enfer, c'est les autos.

Torslanda

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2020, 01:40:50 pm »

* How do you know which C Boardman has the keys to the Farcebok account?

The nice one, natch...
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

TheLurker

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2020, 01:59:39 pm »
Order is restored.
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2020, 02:43:20 pm »
Hooray. And what is more. Top O.
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2020, 04:05:46 pm »
Watching a soggy last loop on Nice to Nice and as I type there’s a very comic head butting of a road sign. I hope he’s ok.

But I am again in wonderment that the grand fromagery of the racing of bicycles around France allow a team to wear yellow jumpers.
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

Mr Larrington

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2020, 05:53:09 pm »
Stage 1: Nice —> Nice

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We did record La Thing Course and the report will follow in due course.  Srsly.
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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #9 on: August 29, 2020, 06:35:39 pm »
Magnifake!

Cudzoziemiec

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2020, 09:06:23 pm »
 ;D
Days become simply the spaces between dreams, spaces between the shifting floors of time...

Mr Larrington

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #11 on: August 29, 2020, 09:16:05 pm »
La Thing Course: Nice —> Nice

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Mrs Pingu

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #12 on: August 29, 2020, 10:39:02 pm »
Haha, stick that in your lum and smok it.  ;D :thumbsup:

Question: what is Tv's Niec C Boardman doing back? I though he retired from the coverage last year.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Mr Larrington

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #13 on: August 29, 2020, 10:49:46 pm »
Haha, stick that in your lum and smok it.  ;D :thumbsup:

Question: what is Tv's Niec C Boardman doing back? I though he retired from the coverage last year.

TV's G Imlach reckons it was because Mrs NC Boardman got fed up of having him loafing around the house all day, but when Niec C dropped the retirement bomb in 2018 he said it was because spending three weeks touring France in a packing crate in high summer had ceased to be Fun.  I imagine three weeks of bed and board in a stationery castle is slightly more appealing.
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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #14 on: August 29, 2020, 10:55:14 pm »
Spotted this while reading a TdF thread elsewhere:

Quote
Aquí está la causa de muchas de las caídas el día de hoy o almenos eso parece.

La Caravana publicitaria del #TDF2020 en específico la de el jabón X-Tra Total lanzaba bombas de jabón qué quedaron en la Carretera.
Con la lluvia, la vía se transformó en una pista de patinaje
https://twitter.com/ElManillarCOL/status/1299775147340165124

Quoth Gargoyle Translate:

"The advertising Caravan for # TDF2020, specifically that of the X-Tra Total soap, threw soap bombs that were left on the road.
With the rain, the track was transformed into a skating rink."

If true, that's a bit of a whoopsie...
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.

Mrs Pingu

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #15 on: August 29, 2020, 10:56:40 pm »
Haha, stick that in your lum and smok it.  ;D :thumbsup:

Question: what is Tv's Niec C Boardman doing back? I though he retired from the coverage last year.

TV's G Imlach reckons it was because Mrs NC Boardman got fed up of having him loafing around the house all day, but when Niec C dropped the retirement bomb in 2018 he said it was because spending three weeks touring France in a packing crate in high summer had ceased to be Fun.  I imagine three weeks of bed and board in a stationery castle is slightly more appealing.

I hadn't actually realised that was 2 years ago already. So he'd had a year off...
Plus if he's been stuck in the house since March with 6 offspring (I'm sure they're not all still at home) he prolly wanted 3 weeks away this year...
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Mr Larrington

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #16 on: August 29, 2020, 11:47:33 pm »
I expect young George Boardman has a restraining order out on him after that rest day feature a few years ago ;D
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Mr Larrington

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #17 on: August 30, 2020, 03:24:43 pm »
Niec C Boardman is on form this afternoon.  Hurrah!
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Mr Larrington

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #18 on: August 30, 2020, 06:46:23 pm »
Stage 2: Nice —> Nice. Agane.

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Pingu

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #19 on: August 31, 2020, 12:26:40 am »
RAAAAAWWWRR!  :thumbsup:

T42

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #20 on: August 31, 2020, 08:55:55 am »
Yay Alaphillipe! \o{ shit wot append 2 mi yarm?

And it's pronounced conefrwa, ye 'coznefrwa'ing berks on French TV.
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.

Mr Larrington

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #21 on: August 31, 2020, 12:30:55 pm »
Yay Alaphillipe! \o{ shit wot append 2 mi yarm?

And it's pronounced conefrwa, ye 'coznefrwa'ing berks on French TV.

Even *** got that one right :o. Also the lad won the Combativité yesterday.

It's fascinating watching my new-to-me iPad “learning” the language.  The only word it seems not to grok is “Prudhomme” ;D
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
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T42

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #22 on: August 31, 2020, 04:41:10 pm »
Very wise.
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.

Mr Larrington

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Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #23 on: August 31, 2020, 04:44:43 pm »
Well, the utter twats at ITV4 pulled the plug on the recording with 1.8 km to go so Stage 3 will have to wait until after tonight’s highlights.  Isn’t SCIENCE marvellous?
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
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T42

  • Old fool in a hurry
Re: TdF MMXX — Teh Anti-Social & Distant Edition
« Reply #24 on: August 31, 2020, 04:47:17 pm »
Ouch.  I watch it on here https://www.france.tv/france-2/direct.html but you have to flip over for the first half of the stage.

Just saw that Senseo is the official coffee of the TdF. Poor bastards.
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.