Author Topic: The Slaughtered Lamb  (Read 5419 times)

The Slaughtered Lamb
« on: 06 February, 2021, 08:35:14 pm »
About a month into lockdown last year I volunteered for enhanced interrogation across the road: I'm American, ask me anything was the result.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The best: the joy of constructing posts and figuring out how to (briefly, it must be said) answer things I had little to no clue about. The worst: there was no worst, it’s just one of those tropes. "Search engines are widely available these days" may have crossed my mind once or twice. It forced creative solutions.

The time has come for me to move. I'm bringing my sign. My plan is to visit British culture as the long-settled UK Yankee I am, as well as visit US culture as the Brit I am.

You may quiz this publican if the spirit moves you: there's still no guarantee that replies will be satisfactory, but they will be neatly typed.™

Welcome to my publet.


Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #1 on: 06 February, 2021, 09:24:20 pm »
OK.

America. Why? If that's a bit broad, Florida, why?

ian

  • not a woman, not an american, not a vampire
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #2 on: 06 February, 2021, 09:41:30 pm »
I lived in the US for a significant proportion of my life. This may explain a few things.

I think that sign from The Slaughtered Lamb in Greenwich Village. Overpriced touristy place, but hey ho, welcome to NYC. Don't honk ($350).
Authoritarian Thought Leader, the Pol Pot of Powerpoint, the Stalin of Spreadsheets

FifeingEejit

  • Not Small
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #3 on: 06 February, 2021, 10:18:04 pm »
How did you live without the concept of a Fortnight?


Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #4 on: 07 February, 2021, 05:52:10 am »
Filler


Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #5 on: 07 February, 2021, 05:52:16 am »
When possible I prefer a light background – more like words on paper, while pictures can be fine on either. Normally this isn’t something to inhibit posting, but this is my maiden reply.

Now then.

OK. America. Why? If that's a bit broad, Florida, why?

Of Florida I know little other than hanging chads, alligators, hurricanes, the panhandle, Miami Vice, and the tail end of Interstate 95. Apparently I visited when very young; I'll have to trust my parents on that.

Let’s see, it wasn’t one of the 13 colonies. I assume we stole it from the native Americans (could of course easily check, but where’s the fun in that).

We needed someplace warm to retire: there’s your answer.

America? Bloody hell man, everybody knows that. The world needs an empire to loathe and love (which the British do, else why would so many come to Florida?), and we’re currently it. Also: Amerigo Vespucci. Now excuse me while I go see how much I got wrong.


Clicky for moving pictures


That was a close one. If the colonists had thought to step over the future Georgia state line and shown some gumption, it might've been lucky #14. As for how we acquired it, looks like those pesky indians had to be shown the door, as usual. The Spanish were also involved in some way. Can you tell my dad was a history teacher and passed those genes on to me?

I lived in the US for a significant proportion of my life. This may explain a few things.

When you return, you have the floor.

Quote
I think that sign from The Slaughtered Lamb in Greenwich Village. Overpriced touristy place, but hey ho, welcome to NYC. Don't honk ($350).

I couldn't find information on the original. The sign in the movie was probably knocked up by the props department and ended up on eBay. The one outside the pub in Greenwich Village doesn't look nearly as awesome as this:


Abandon hope all ye who enter here


Not sure I want to see the rest of that guy's collection, tbh.

How did you live without the concept of a Fortnight?

I don’t even know what that is.


I am completely serious

Have now looked it up. Easy explanation: we don’t have kids, I’m not a gamer myself, and whenever I heard it mentioned, as I surely must have, I immediately tuned out.

Last video game I got into was a rudimentary tennis-pongy type deal, around the time Borg was battling it out with McEnroe. Honk if you preferred Borg.


"He can assimilate me anytime"

I've just had a rummage through my memory. It was Breakout. That might explain a few things.

On a side note, ya'll have no idea how glad I am to be in the land of no edit window. (Most recent meltdown.) Used responsibility, it is the height of civilisation as far as I’m concerned.


Actually, don't

A note about links. I use them a lot. Which is normally uncontroversial, this being the internet web internet and all. Whilst ALL YOUR TABS ARE MINE is a private fantasy, I don’t expect the reader to fall into every hole I provide.

"Who’s complaining, sam?" My wife, for one. She has told me she feels compelled to click on most if not all of them, which can slow down reading so much that it's hard to go on.

Here’s a sterling example. That’s a ride report of the last FNRttC I attended <sniff>. I’m afraid to count the links, never mind pics.

I have every sympathy, especially for my wife, but this is not something that’s likely to change. You have been warned.


You can click here. Mind the gore.

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #6 on: 07 February, 2021, 11:53:41 am »
I think FI meant “the fortnight” as in a 2 week period. It puzzled our colleagues from Minnesota recently. But then they don’t even use knives to cut their food, it’s all forks and fingers.
We are making a New World (Paul Nash, 1918)

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #7 on: 07 February, 2021, 12:05:30 pm »
Electoral college - Why?

Just count the votes and the biggest total wins.
“There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened.”
― Douglas Adams

Beardy

  • What’s this do?
  • I’ve always wondered where this was
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #8 on: 07 February, 2021, 12:11:40 pm »
On a tangential note, Jenny Agutter. Ok, as you were.
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

Beardy

  • What’s this do?
  • I’ve always wondered where this was
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #9 on: 07 February, 2021, 12:12:46 pm »
Electoral college - Why?

Just count the votes and the biggest total wins.
We hardly in a position of strength when it comes to criticism of others voting systems.
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #10 on: 07 February, 2021, 12:15:18 pm »
Quite but the US had the chance to look at the mistakes we were making and come up with something sensible.
“There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened.”
― Douglas Adams

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #11 on: 07 February, 2021, 12:25:36 pm »
I think FI meant “the fortnight” as in a 2 week period.

By golly you’re rite. My eyes clearly rushed too fast through the sentence. It was the capitalisation that threw me. FifeingEejit, do you by any chance read The Week?

I’m aware of fortnights, but the very fact I misconstrued that illustrates how I continue to live without them. 

Quote
It puzzled our colleagues from Minnesota recently. But then they don’t even use knives to cut their food, it’s all forks and fingers.

My wife, who was born in one of those pesky Commonwealth countries invaded by Jim Reeves, and also spent time in the UK as a girl, does indeed sensibly use a knife for the purpose it was invented (as well as her fingers, for the same reason). I only use one when preparing food for cooking. I'd rather hack away with the edge of my fork, thank you.


Includes what's sure to be the new hit single I Left My Heart In Anuradhapura

PeteB99, I’ll have to get back to you. Beardy too, re: Jenny Agutter.

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #12 on: 07 February, 2021, 01:04:51 pm »
Sam re Food cutting implements a Splayd is your friend

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splayd

I've got a complete set inherited from my parents. I wonder if it's worth much?
“There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened.”
― Douglas Adams

ian

  • not a woman, not an american, not a vampire
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #13 on: 07 February, 2021, 05:24:58 pm »
How did you live without the concept of a Fortnight?

Every two weeks, I'd remind myself and then line up for something. The odd thing about America is that most people think, because of the language, that it's just a bigger, brasher UK, the blundering oversized cousin that make a racket when you have the family around. But what can you do? Ironically, we have a lot more in common with our recently divorced European neighbours that the land across the ocean.
Authoritarian Thought Leader, the Pol Pot of Powerpoint, the Stalin of Spreadsheets

Wowbagger

  • Sylph
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #14 on: 07 February, 2021, 07:21:17 pm »
Quite but the US had the chance to look at the mistakes we were making and come up with something sensible.

I don't think we had properly formulated "our" mistakes in 1776.
Bach without a doubt.

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #15 on: 07 February, 2021, 07:56:39 pm »
Quote from: sam

My wife, who was born in one of those pesky Commonwealth countries invaded by Jim Reeves,
Hmmm, so that would make you meeting her, serendipitous?  Sorry, I'll get my coat, but only after I've dug out a copy of, "The Black Hills of Dakota".
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #16 on: 08 February, 2021, 05:15:05 am »
On a tangential note, Jenny Agutter. Ok, as you were.

Get your mind out of Agutter.
- Prince Ludwig the Deplorable

Sam re Food cutting implements a Splayd is your friend
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splayd

My first thought was that it's a solution for a problem which doesn’t exist, but I see that it was "a popular wedding gift in Australia in the 1950s and 1960s." Finding the gift with the worst name has always been a problem for disappointed suitors.

Speaking of forks,



this one's from Sri Lanka. Hold on to it for a minute...

Quote from: sam
My wife, who was born in one of those pesky Commonwealth countries invaded by Jim Reeves,
Hmmm, so that would make you meeting her, serendipitous?  Sorry, I'll get my coat, but only after I've dug out a copy of, "The Black Hills of Dakota".

We only met because the university we were both attending forced her to take an English class she didn't need, and allowed me to jump up a rung (she's older than me, if I'm allowed to say that) and therefore find myself sitting not far away. So yes, serendipitous.

One of my favourite scenes from the great Deadwood [South Dakota]:




How did you live without the concept of a Fortnight?

Every two weeks, I'd remind myself and then line up for something. The odd thing about America is that most people think, because of the language, that it's just a bigger, brasher UK, the blundering oversized cousin that make a racket when you have the family around. But what can you do? Ironically, we have a lot more in common with our recently divorced European neighbours that the land across the ocean.

Stick around. I'd like to hear more from a longtime British(?) resident of the States.

This has been a forknight for me.



Electoral college - Why?

Much as I hate to quote Rush Limbaugh: "The primary purpose of the Electoral College is to maintain the power of the states and to support the idea that the election is decided by the states. It’s not decided by the general population, and it never was."

Here's Gore Vidal to get some of that bad taste out of my mouth: "The Founding Fathers did not want democracy in the United States ever. They also did not want tyranny—a king or a Hitler. They wanted a republic. And they devised the electoral college so the majority could never control anything."



Let's zoom in on New York New York, shall we?



Zooming in still further, we have...



my wife again, in the middle of Times Square. If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere. Just hail a cab.

ian

  • not a woman, not an american, not a vampire
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #17 on: 08 February, 2021, 11:20:39 am »
Is she still there, Lady Stranding on Traffic Island. Performance art, like the Cowboy in just his underwear (I'd say pants, of course, which given he hails from the land of 'tan pants' – dress-down Friday essential wear, see also 'sports casual' – would be momentarily confusing).

I remember the first time I went to the US, late/night early morning bus from Toronto to Buffalo, trying to explain to the immigration they yes, I had a UK passport but yes, I also lived in Scotland, which he wasn't getting. I tried to explain through analogy with a 'well, if you lived over there in Canada, you'd still be American.' He looked me up and down and then across the bridge to Canada and said 'why the Hell would I do that?'

All this reminds me, it was in The Slaughtered Lamb that I learned of the demise of Princess Diana (I was showing a Scottish friend around NYC and the wider NE). Random Americans, on hearing our accents, came over to commiserate us on 'our loss' – a loss we were all unaware of, but it seemed inopportune to ask. Finally, it became clear, and we had to nod along to well-meaning consolation. That was the same trip that we got completely slaughtered on free booze in an Irish Bar on 3rd (or 2nd) avenue because the proprietor assumed we were Irish – I guess somehow the mixture of Scottish and English accents merged in his brain into Irish). As a cunning ploy, on a later trip I smuggled in two Irish girls with names that were both deeply and hilariously unpronounceable.
Authoritarian Thought Leader, the Pol Pot of Powerpoint, the Stalin of Spreadsheets

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #18 on: 08 February, 2021, 04:05:17 pm »

my wife again, in the middle of Times Square.

Just how bad are Americans at geometry?

ian

  • not a woman, not an american, not a vampire
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #19 on: 08 February, 2021, 04:08:41 pm »
It's a protracted ignorance.

Oh wait, that's trigonometry. Ka-boom.
Authoritarian Thought Leader, the Pol Pot of Powerpoint, the Stalin of Spreadsheets

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #20 on: 08 February, 2021, 11:21:50 pm »
my wife again, in the middle of Times Square.

Just how bad are Americans at geometry?

As misnomers go, it's preferable to The Center [sic] of the Universe.


If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere

That said, being square shaped isn’t a requirement for being a square.

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #21 on: 09 February, 2021, 07:35:36 am »
Is she still there, Lady Stranding on Traffic Island. Performance art...

Her only piece of performance art was flying down a flight of subway stairs holding an upholstered pink velour ottoman.

After a brief period living in a transient hotel along with cockroaches big enough to arm wrestle, we moved across the Hudson River to Jersey City.


More Light Reading

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #22 on: 09 February, 2021, 08:10:06 am »
my wife again, in the middle of Times Square.

Just how bad are Americans at geometry?

As misnomers go, it's preferable to The Center [sic] of the Universe.


If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere

That said, being square shaped isn’t a requirement for being a square.

Hmmm. Yes. Well. That leads me on to wonder the USAnian obsession with phrases Latin. "Summa cum laude",  "E pluribus unum", "pro bono" and, of course, the ever popular "ex post facto"

Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #23 on: 09 February, 2021, 09:08:12 am »
Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant came in particularly handy during the Trump years.



Ta for sending me down yet another rabbit hole. Pull quote: “The best poetry is untranslatable.”

ian

  • not a woman, not an american, not a vampire
Re: The Slaughtered Lamb
« Reply #24 on: 09 February, 2021, 10:07:56 am »
Is she still there, Lady Stranding on Traffic Island. Performance art...

Her only piece of performance art was flying down a flight of subway stairs holding an upholstered pink velour ottoman.

After a brief period living in a transient hotel along with cockroaches big enough to arm wrestle, we moved across the Hudson River to Jersey City.


More Light Reading

I'm not even sure how you'd get an ottoman through the turnstile. You'd have to engage with the supervisor who'd spend a while expounding on how the hell do you sit on a sofa that low, I got a bad back you know... You'll have to listen to this before she'll pop the gate. I've never liked the fact that stations on the NYC Subway also have a public toilet vibe. That theoretically wipe-clean utilitarianism that the US applies to public transit. If they're going to do anything that might pass for socialism, they're doing it with a grudge.

A friend of mine bought a gas station in Jersey City back when it was unpopular and turned it into a residence. It took about twenty years though, owing to the fact it was sitting on more hydrocarbons than the Middle East. I think he prevaricated on simply installing an oil well for a while. Imagine how bad it would have been if Jersey People were allowed to handle gasoline directly.
Authoritarian Thought Leader, the Pol Pot of Powerpoint, the Stalin of Spreadsheets