Author Topic: Random advert nonsense phrases  (Read 4365 times)

Random advert nonsense phrases
« on: 24 February, 2022, 10:58:22 am »
Quote
Skincare inspired lube formulated specifically for the Front.


'for the front'. Is this some sort of sex lube? Why is it appearing on my facebook feed?
<i>Marmite slave</i>

ian

  • why would any decent person have such thoughts?
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #1 on: 24 February, 2022, 11:28:27 am »
Not a nonsense phrase as such, but I got spam yesterday for an EXTENDER which came with an anatomical picture. I thought it was the usual until I came across the phrase 'drug-eluting balloon dilation catheter designed for percutaneous transluminal angioplasty.' At which point I looked at the picture again and realised it was an elongated balloon stuffed inside an artery and not a penis taking a journey up the lady tunnel.

Apparently, if you want to 'maximize lumen gain' choose EXTENDER.

I'm also not sure I want a sales rep to give me a free demonstration. It sounds like it might be messy.

We've all been on the internet too long, even medical device manufacturers.
Authoritarian Thought Leader, the Pol Pot of Powerpoint, the Stalin of Spreadsheets, the Putin of pandas

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #2 on: 24 February, 2022, 11:54:58 am »
The blurb surrounding the various shitverts for puzzle games frequently assert that “neuroscientists are BEGGING people to play this game” because it wards off Alzheimer's in much the same way as a cross wards off a vampire*.  Sadly there is no mechanism by which one can slap [citation needed] on the wretched things.

* Unless they're Jewish.  It was in a documentary movie.  I presume the same applies to Muslim, Hindu, Sikh and Buddhist vampires.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

hulver

  • I am a mole and I live in a hole.
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #3 on: 24 February, 2022, 03:14:24 pm »
"Plant Based" seems to be the latest buzz-word being stuck on anything that doesn't have any animal in it.

I had some "plant based" humous the other day. What a novelty.

Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #4 on: 24 February, 2022, 03:25:14 pm »
Quote
Skincare inspired lube formulated specifically for the Front.


'for the front'. Is this some sort of sex lube? Why is it appearing on my facebook feed?

They may have missed out the word "derailleur"?  I don't think it'll be "disc" - but you never know!

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #5 on: 24 February, 2022, 03:26:20 pm »
Toyota certainly deserve some kind of award for describing petril cars as "self-charging".

Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #6 on: 24 February, 2022, 11:06:05 pm »
There’s a Renault advert on the anbaric distascope where raw meat is procured from a charcuterie, which I find quite upsetting.

woollypigs

  • Mr Peli
    • woollypigs
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #7 on: 24 February, 2022, 11:17:33 pm »
"Serves 2"
Current mood: AARRRGGGGHHHHH !!! #bollockstobrexit

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #8 on: 24 February, 2022, 11:57:09 pm »
“Fun-Size”

What’s “fun”about less CHOKLIT, fools?
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #9 on: 25 February, 2022, 12:16:19 am »
"Velvetising"  (I skip the skip-ad before finding out what that means.)

Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #10 on: 25 February, 2022, 07:17:24 am »
" ... Don't skip this ... " or " ... you don't want to miss this ... ".

I am grateful to the quack ad industry for having such simple minds that they think that I/we might be so easily manipulated.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #11 on: 25 February, 2022, 10:11:08 am »
“Taking X by storm”

Is your shitty product the Formidable German Army circa 1940?  No.  No, it is not.  So it is not taking the Internet/BRITAIN/wherever your ISP has a connection to the web by storm.  Is it.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #12 on: 25 February, 2022, 11:17:34 am »
" ... Don't skip this ... " or " ... you don't want to miss this ... ".

I am grateful to the quack ad industry for having such simple minds that they think that I/we might be so easily manipulated.

Hopefully you have removed all your earwax and now have your funeral sorted by non-charlatans?
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #13 on: 25 February, 2022, 11:31:03 am »
"Scientists are astonished by this . . . . "

FFS
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #14 on: 01 March, 2022, 06:28:49 pm »
Quote
Interactive dining experience

(reading deeper, this is marketing speeek for "We need to fill all tables to make money, so although you can making a booking for two, you'll be sat at random on a table with two strangers")
<i>Marmite slave</i>

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #15 on: 01 March, 2022, 07:00:58 pm »
"Barista-style" coffee.

What, it tastes as if it has been made by a poorly paid teenager who wouldn't know a decent cup of coffee from a muddy puddle?
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #16 on: 01 March, 2022, 07:37:00 pm »
'Hand Cooked'

I saw a programme some time back about a crisp factory.  Not the Greg Wossname series of programmes,  it was some time ago.
Anyway, the machines were huge shiny automatic things.  At one point the crisps entered a huge vat of boiling oil.  A chap wandered over with a large wooden paddle and gave a couple of desultory unenthusiastic stirs.  If it weren't for the cameras I guess he'd have been even less interested.

It seems that this action is enough for the crisps to be labelled 'Hand Cooked'
Admission.  I'm actually not that fussed about cake.

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #17 on: 01 March, 2022, 07:41:49 pm »
I note the BBC was reporting on Ukranians making Molotov cocktails by hand the other day.  Because being burned utterly to DETH by artisanal petril bombs is a much more authentic experience than you get with those boring factory-made ones...

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #18 on: 01 March, 2022, 07:47:50 pm »
 ;D
I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.
Admission.  I'm actually not that fussed about cake.

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #19 on: 01 March, 2022, 07:56:48 pm »
;D
I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.

★★★★★ Fab selection of colours.

★★☆☆☆ Really hard to light.

★★★☆☆ Instructions unclear.  Scorched my eyebrows off and now I'm in the Bristol Post.

★☆☆☆☆ Had to provide my own petrol.  Did not destroy tank.

☆☆☆☆☆ Saw the review on BigClive's channel, but now they're out of stock everywhere :(

★★★★☆ Ended up in hospital with uncontrollable vomiting after the first three.  Great night out!  Would buy again.

Feanor

  • It's mostly downhill from here.
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #20 on: 01 March, 2022, 08:07:19 pm »
Sourdough.
What to they actually mean by that, when applied to bread?

Almost every commercial 'sourdough' I have ever tasted is a hybrid, with a whiff of levain and a portion of commercial yeast.
Is there any rule about what percentage of actual levain starter needs to be used before it can be labeled sourdough?
Some products seem to have had no more than a cursory whiff of the stuff.

I became aware of this when I started giving away my bread, which is 100% levain-based, a true sourdough.
I got some feedback that it was a bit 'tangier' than they were used to.
This was mostly not a complaint, just an observation.
But I've had to revert to a hybrid mix for a couple of people.

Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #21 on: 01 March, 2022, 08:11:13 pm »
'Hand Cooked'

I saw a programme some time back about a crisp factory.  Not the Greg Wossname series of programmes,  it was some time ago.
Anyway, the machines were huge shiny automatic things.  At one point the crisps entered a huge vat of boiling oil.  A chap wandered over with a large wooden paddle and gave a couple of desultory unenthusiastic stirs.  If it weren't for the cameras I guess he'd have been even less interested.

It seems that this action is enough for the crisps to be labelled 'Hand Cooked'

Similarly, whacking a Brake Bros 50p frozen ready meal in the microwave and then putting a slice of tomato on top legally entitles a pub to advertise "Home made food, prepared using fresh ingredients".
Quote from: tiermat
that's not science, it's semantics.

Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #22 on: 01 March, 2022, 08:16:59 pm »
" ... Don't skip this ... " or " ... you don't want to miss this ... ".

I am grateful to the quack ad industry for having such simple minds that they think that I/we might be so easily manipulated.

Hopefully you have removed all your earwax and now have your funeral sorted by non-charlatans?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #23 on: 01 March, 2022, 09:05:27 pm »
;D
I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.

★★★★★ Fab selection of colours.

★★☆☆☆ Really hard to light.

★★★☆☆ Instructions unclear.  Scorched my eyebrows off and now I'm in the Bristol Post.

★☆☆☆☆ Had to provide my own petrol.  Did not destroy tank.

☆☆☆☆☆ Saw the review on BigClive's channel, but now they're out of stock everywhere :(

★★★★☆ Ended up in hospital with uncontrollable vomiting after the first three.  Great night out!  Would buy again.

LOL and, moreover, roffle!
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Re: Random advert nonsense phrases
« Reply #24 on: 01 March, 2022, 09:16:42 pm »
;D
I wonder if they tried the cheap Chinese rip off Molotov cocktails on Amazon.

★★★★★ Fab selection of colours.

★★☆☆☆ Really hard to light.

★★★☆☆ Instructions unclear.  Scorched my eyebrows off and now I'm in the Bristol Post.

★☆☆☆☆ Had to provide my own petrol.  Did not destroy tank.

☆☆☆☆☆ Saw the review on BigClive's channel, but now they're out of stock everywhere :(

★★★★☆ Ended up in hospital with uncontrollable vomiting after the first three.  Great night out!  Would buy again.

Fantastic  Kim.  You're on form tonight, matey.
Admission.  I'm actually not that fussed about cake.