Received my first white van man outburst today. Cycling along Cardiff Road, Watford, towards the junction with Occupation Road. In primary. Typical congested victorian terrace; cars parked both sides of the road, too tight for a car to pass me safely. Van up my arse for about 50m. I'm doing about 15 mph. As I turn into Occupation Road van continues straight on towards the industrial estate and driver shouts out...
wait for it...
it's a classic...
"You were in the middle of the road mate".
Now I know it's sometimes hard to think of something when the boots on the other foot and something happens in a flash, such as a ped stepping into the road, and I normally find myself resorting to "Don't mind me then" when caught by surprise, but the van driver had at least 10 seconds to think of something witty to say. Strangely I feel somewhat disappointed.
I got the other WVM classic the other weekend.
"Wot, you fink you own the road." (This because he had to wait for seconds behind me in the approach to a solid line of traffic at the lights, no one was going anywhere. Of course, despite the fact that I was stopped in primary, he had to wedge his van level with me so he could shout through the passenger window, in the process blocking traffic on the other side of the road at the same time.)
I don't usually bother interfacing with drivers, especially van drivers evidently on their way to a Palace match, but everything was snarled up Croydon-way and neither of us were going anywhere, so I told him that "yes, considering our likely divergent incomes, and the consequent amount of additional tax I pay as as result, I think I could make good claim to owning more of this road than you."
This seemed to stop him. After due consideration and meshing of cognitive gears, he finally responded.
"Are you fucking gay?"
Anyway, it seemed he wasn't propositioning me, and he took great offense for some reason that I'd arrived at that conclusion. I scooted off quickly down a side street, he was turning a tomatoey colour.