Author Topic: audaxspotting (inevitably)  (Read 23803 times)

mattc

  • n.b. have grown beard since photo taken
    • Didcot Audaxes
Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #50 on: May 20, 2009, 03:48:35 pm »
Choose life.  Choose audaxing.  Choose mudguards.  Choose Brooks.  Choose a 'ucking big saddlebag, choose a map trap, choose route sheets, choose XR, RB, S/O and dynamos.  Choose rain, wind, sleet and snow.  Choose the only type of bike that never gets stolen.  Choose Sudocrem.  Choose a lucky hat and a gilet that went out of fashion in the 1980s.  Choose flapjacks in a range of strange chemical flavours.  Choose a 600 and wonder what the hell you're doing up a Welsh mountain in the dark.  Choose sitting in a village hall trying not to make eye contact with your mind-numbing, spirit crushing fellow riders, drinking orange juice out of a Tetrapak.  Choose rotting away at the end of it all, babbling about the 50/50 rule in some urine-soaked bus shelter, nothing more than an embarrassment to the farking sportives they spawned to replace you.
An excellent upgrade of Roger's classic 'raw' v1.0.

If I don't buy one, I look forward to seeing them on the road ...
Has never ridden RAAM
---------
No.11  Because of the great host of those who dislike the least appearance of "swank " when they travel the roads and lanes. - From Kuklos' 39 Articles

Really Ancien

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #51 on: May 20, 2009, 03:53:43 pm »
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got to be in Coxwold by 18.50 by the latest?

Damon.

ChrisO

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #52 on: May 20, 2009, 04:03:36 pm »

The point is that repeatedly swearing can be funny. But you can’t milk it. I see from the fixiespotting photo that Rogerzilla has just paraphrased an original. I didn’t get that to begin with.


Do people not get this ? It's from the book/film Trainspotting. This is the text from the film poster.

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace you. Choose your future. Choose life. "

It's sort of pointless to take away the swearing. It's like making muzak versions of heavy metal or punk, or as Bowdler did, editions of Shakespeare with all the nasty bits removed.

You either like it or you don't but doing a non-swear version just seems bizarre to me.


Charlotte

  • Dissolute libertine
  • Here's to ol' D.H. Lawrence...
    • charlottebarnes.co.uk
Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #53 on: May 20, 2009, 04:09:25 pm »
You either like it or you don't but doing a non-swear version just seems bizarre to me.

Me too.  Plz to keep the sweary   :)
Commercial, Editorial and PR Photographer - www.charlottebarnes.co.uk

mattc

  • n.b. have grown beard since photo taken
    • Didcot Audaxes
Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #54 on: May 20, 2009, 04:14:17 pm »
Do people not get this ?
Don't be silly. Of course we get it. But just because I find some swearing funny, I don't go quoting such things in my great-aunt's drawing room, or the office, or a genteel Cotswolds cafe.

It is possible to have manners AND a sense of humour. Now fuck off and let us have the version we want.
Has never ridden RAAM
---------
No.11  Because of the great host of those who dislike the least appearance of "swank " when they travel the roads and lanes. - From Kuklos' 39 Articles

LEE

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #55 on: May 20, 2009, 04:26:23 pm »
It's a stereotype and, like all the best ones, it's made-up.  All audaxers are miserable sociopaths, y'see.

It's a stereotype and, like the best ones, it's based on truth.

Goddamnit! This thread has got me singing "Lust for Loaf" (Soreen malt Loaf gets me up the hills you see).

Another great song I've lost to substitute lyrics I'll never be able to shift.

Apologies if I just implanted them in your head also.

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #56 on: May 20, 2009, 04:29:29 pm »
Ah, the true spirit of audax....squabbling about bollocks.

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #57 on: May 20, 2009, 05:37:07 pm »
Indeed.  Audax is one of the most ridiculous activities known to man.  If it wasn't, I wouldn't do it.


border-rider

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #58 on: May 20, 2009, 05:40:29 pm »
Indeed

In 2001 I decide to make it even more pointless and difficult for myself by doing it on a bike with no gears.  That seems to have become uncommonly popular now, and the cutting edge of pointless masochism now involves three wheels.

iddu

  • Are we there yet?
Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #59 on: May 20, 2009, 06:25:06 pm »
You either like it or you don't but doing a non-swear version just seems bizarre to me.

Me too.  Plz to keep the sweary   :)

I have no problem with the sweary, and also prefer same, but if you want the job to be worthwhile and viable, a pastiche may be needed. If anybody commits and indicates a preference, please be advised that I'm simply gonna go with the majority choice on an order, and you'll need the commitment whatever the text to wear your heart on your chest/back...simply expressed, put up or shut up ;)
I'd offer you some moral support - but I have questionable morals.

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #60 on: May 20, 2009, 06:30:06 pm »
Indeed.  Audax is one of the most ridiculous activities known to man.  If it wasn't, I wouldn't do it.



Now THAT is worthy of a shirt  :)

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #61 on: May 20, 2009, 07:45:48 pm »
I still think that the official AUK jersey should have:

"Audax UK" in big letters and underneath, in smaller letters:-

"Right out of control"
"Yes please" said Squirrel "biscuits are our favourite things."

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #62 on: May 20, 2009, 08:03:36 pm »
Got an e-mail from Howies today. They have launched a new site called teepay. Basically you upload your t-shirt design and once it passes 30 orders it goes to print. Each t-shirt sold earns a royalty (cash towards running the site??). Link below if it is of interest.

teepay

JayP

  • You must be joking
Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #63 on: May 20, 2009, 10:34:13 pm »

The point is that repeatedly swearing can be funny. But you can’t milk it. I see from the fixiespotting photo that Rogerzilla has just paraphrased an original. I didn’t get that to begin with.


Do people not get this ? It's from the book/film Trainspotting. This is the text from the film poster.


It's sort of pointless to take away the swearing. It's like making muzak versions of heavy metal or punk, or as Bowdler did, editions of Shakespeare with all the nasty bits removed.

You either like it or you don't but doing a non-swear version just seems bizarre to me.


Thanks for pointing that out  ChrisO. No I didn't know that.

simonp

  • Omnomnomnipotent.
Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #64 on: May 21, 2009, 01:47:16 am »
Or, you could leave the original text and include the next part:

But why would I want to do a thing like that?  I chose not to choose life.  I chose something else.  And the reasons?  There are no reasons.  Who needs reasons when you've got heroinesudocrem?


Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #65 on: May 21, 2009, 06:33:06 am »
It is Sudocrem, not Sudocreme, by the way.  It usually gets spelt as the latter on this forum  ::-)

http://www.peeble.com/sudocrem.jpg
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #66 on: May 21, 2009, 09:09:30 am »
In which case the auto-corrector needs to be brought into action!
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #67 on: May 21, 2009, 09:23:21 am »
Thinking of which, Foska do the Heinz beans and soreen shirts etc. Do you thing they'd do a Sudocrem one for audaxers?

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #68 on: May 21, 2009, 09:33:10 am »
So then guys are we going to go for it ? ??? I'm sure that the jerseys / t-shirts would sell well and we'd get volume discount. There appears to be a thread elsewhere dealing with bamboo tees and the "fixiespotting" shirt... I'm in for either :thumbsup:

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #69 on: May 21, 2009, 09:39:19 am »
Thinking of which, we Foska do the Heinz beans and soreen shirts etc. Do you thing they'd do a Sudocrem one for audaxers?

That would be superb!

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #70 on: May 21, 2009, 05:20:26 pm »
So then guys are we going to go for it ? ??? I'm sure that the jerseys / t-shirts would sell well and we'd get volume discount. There appears to be a thread elsewhere dealing with bamboo tees and the "fixiespotting" shirt... I'm in for either :thumbsup:

I believe Phil and iddu are sorting it out.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #71 on: May 21, 2009, 08:40:23 pm »
Thinking of which, we Foska do the Heinz beans and soreen shirts etc. Do you thing they'd do a Sudocrem one for audaxers?

That would be superb!

I emailed Foska a couple of years ago with this idea and didn't get a reply. I did then think of getting in touch with the manufacturers of Sudocrem but never got round to it.

Martin

Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #72 on: May 21, 2009, 09:37:48 pm »
genius; have printed it out for m y event not sure whether to blank out all the f's

Why doesn't it end;

And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got points?

edit;

that's why


Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #73 on: May 21, 2009, 09:44:08 pm »
I rather like "fecking" as a less-likely-to-get-you-arrested-for-wearing-it alternative.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

simonp

  • Omnomnomnipotent.
Re: audaxspotting (inevitably)
« Reply #74 on: May 21, 2009, 10:19:54 pm »
I rather like "fecking" as a less-likely-to-get-you-arrested-for-wearing-it alternative.

A former colleague was sent home to change his T-shirt once (before my time at the same company).

The T-shirt read:

"I'm Bruce.  Who the fuck are you?"

The guy's got class.