Author Topic: Stupid questions  (Read 1539 times)

Tourist Tony

  • Supermassive mobile flesh-toned black hole
Stupid questions
« on: May 18, 2008, 12:11:41 pm »
It was one of those nights as I left work. What a sequence:
Mackem: Where de ah gan now?
Me: Where are you going?
Mackem: On holiday.
Me: yes, but where are you actually going?
Mackem: Ah telt ye, on holiday
Me: Different places go from different gates. Where are you going to?
Mackem: Ah ****** telt ye, ah'm gannin on holiday! Are ye ****** deaf or stupid?
Me: Good night then.

Twenty yards further:
Poison dwarf Scot: Where's the pick up?
Me: Pick up for what?
PDS: The ******** hire cars ye daft thick ****
Me: Would you like to be nicked ? I suggest you go away now and calm down


...and five yards further:
Genteel elderly lady: Excuse me sir, but could you tell us where we are?
Me: Er....Gatwick.....
GEL: Oh. I thought so, but we are meant to meet a taxi driver somewhere and we've never been here before
Me: [anger evaporated by lovely old lady's courtesy][detailed directions]
GEL: Oh thank you so much. That other chap was frightfully rude, wasn't he?


I always try and work out how many arseholes one nice person cancels out. It runs at about twenty.

Re: Stupid queations
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2008, 04:33:00 pm »
This is worthy of the "Thick Passenger Comments" thread.  I'd always wondered why there were signs saying "Any intimidation of our staff will be taken very seriously" - eh, why would anyone do that?  Now I get the picture.
The Kettwiesel Ripper turns his hand to upwrongs...

spesh

  • It's starting to look a lot like Cthulhumas!
Re: Stupid queations
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2008, 04:36:27 pm »
Perhaps the signs should be amended to say:

"Please do not abuse the staff as being taken away for a full body cavity search with extreme prejudice often offends."

:demon:
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Re: Stupid queations
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2008, 04:59:22 pm »
how about "our staff are trained to deal with cantankerous arseholes, but prefer not to. please deal with them accordingly."
she was quite innocent, 'till she got that bicycle - sykurmolanir

Re: Stupid queations
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2008, 05:00:31 pm »
The stupid question should be "what should this thread really be called?"   ;)

Re: Stupid queations
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2008, 05:11:15 pm »
I always though that e-iπ+1=0 was always a stuid equation.
"Yes please" said Squirrel "biscuits are our favourite things."

blackpuddinonnabike

Re: Stupid queations
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2008, 05:17:42 pm »
The stupid question should be "what should this thread really be called?"   ;)

Or, "How do you spell 'question'?"  ;)

Tourist Tony

  • Supermassive mobile flesh-toned black hole
Re: Stupid queations
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2008, 08:32:48 pm »
The stupid question should be "what should this thread really be called?"   ;)

Or, "How do you spell 'question'?"  ;)
Git ;D

Gus

  • Loosing weight stone by stone
    • We will return
Re: Stupid questions
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2008, 09:46:42 pm »

I think I need to use Gatwick next time I'm in London 

and just walk around speaking in tongues about Tourist Tony  :demon: :demon:



David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: Stupid questions
« Reply #9 on: May 19, 2008, 10:52:44 pm »

I think I need to use Gatwick next time I'm in London 

and just walk around speaking in tongues about Tourist Tony  :demon: :demon:


Be warned - he speaks many variations of foreign.

Even Welsh.

..d
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

Tourist Tony

  • Supermassive mobile flesh-toned black hole
Re: Stupid questions
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2008, 11:53:14 pm »

I think I need to use Gatwick next time I'm in London 

and just walk around speaking in tongues about Tourist Tony  :demon: :demon:



Jeg vil vaere i Danmark.......

Re: Stupid questions
« Reply #11 on: May 20, 2008, 08:56:12 am »
The most stupid airport-related question has to be the one asked on a US immigration form about whether you're entering the country to overthrow the government.

I wonder how many people tick "yes" for a laugh, then, five hours of rubber glove work later, decide it was a bad idea.

Never tell me the odds.

Re: Stupid questions
« Reply #12 on: May 20, 2008, 08:59:58 am »
The most stupid airport-related question has to be the one asked on a US immigration form about whether you're entering the country to overthrow the government.

I wonder how many people tick "yes" for a laugh, then, five hours of rubber glove work later, decide it was a bad idea.
About the same number, who fed up with the queueing or just joking, say they have a bomb in their luggage.

PaulF

  • "World's Scariest Barman"
  • It's only impossible if you stop to think about it
Re: Stupid questions
« Reply #13 on: May 20, 2008, 09:10:00 am »
The most stupid airport-related question has to be the one asked on a US immigration form about whether you're entering the country to overthrow the government.

I wonder how many people tick "yes" for a laugh, then, five hours of rubber glove work later, decide it was a bad idea.



Like my sig: "Experience is what you get just after you need it" :D

Re: Stupid questions
« Reply #14 on: May 20, 2008, 10:57:29 am »
The most stupid airport-related question has to be the one asked on a US immigration form about whether you're entering the country to overthrow the government.

I wonder how many people tick "yes" for a laugh, then, five hours of rubber glove work later, decide it was a bad idea.

It was very very hard to keep a straight face when I was asked those questions in person inside the American Embassy in London. One thing that helped was having a Marine stand right behind me holding an M16.
"Yes please" said Squirrel "biscuits are our favourite things."