Scone the Flat Way

[Crapaud]

Sent my entry off, on Friday, for the Tues 9th March version. I've done a search on the usual mapping sites, but StFW dosen't appear to be plotted. Thanks to the crap weather, the little fitness I've retained over the winter will make 100 km a bit of a challenge, so I want to prepare bailout options (just in case). My guess is that it'll be, more or less, an out and back, but I'd appreciate it if someone could give me a better idea of the route? Ta.

[eck]

.... I'd appreciate it if someone could give me a better idea of the route? Ta.

It goes to Scone. There aren't many hills.
HTH.

Crapaud, you've no need to worry about bailing out. This event is suspected of being organised, by at least one yacfer, for the benefit of the rural idle rich. (In my case, I'm happy to settle for two out of three. And I ain't rich.) It's actually run under the CTC banner, which may give you a clue of the likely pace. As the organiser is wont to say at the start, "It's not a race y'know".

As well as a fleet of Dawes Galaxies with single panniers, you may expect to see a novelty parade of fixeds, tandems and at least one Brommie.

I'll see if I can find an old routesheet...

EDIT: can't find a routesheet, but I think this is a fair approximation of the route. It goes clockwise from Forfar, so out past Glamis and back via Meigle. I think. 

[Crapaud]

Cheers, Eck. That's pretty much what I imagined the route would be like, although I'd imagined it anti-clockwise. It reasuring  to know though.

Looks like I might have some company for a change.

[Graeme Wyllie]

NOW IT’S AUDAX EVENTS ON A TUESDAY!!

From a Daily Mille reporter.

Already reeling from the out of control tide of cycling that swamps the country at weekends, we are now facing a new threat - midweek events.  Until now, most of us had thought that this dangerous pastime was limited to weekends, but not now.  A Daily Mille reporter went undercover to investigate the true extent of this evil epidemic. 

The sleepy market town of Forfar nestles beneath the Sidlaw Hills in the beautiful county of Angus in Scotland.  However, while the decent, hard working and potentially Conservative voting town’s people go about their everyday business, a great danger lurks beneath the surface. 

Our reporter has managed to infiltrate a shady gang of cyclists and the extent of their activities will shock many.  The Daily Mille has been calling for action to be taken against these work-shy morons for many years, but the reality of the situation is that they are now out of control and as we speak they are probably active in your town. 

Our reporter accessed this local cell through a seemingly respectable couple, who did not wish to reveal their names.  They were however prepared to talk to us in order to reveal the true extent of the threat from cycling in their community.  This couple live in a respectable neighbourhood with no obvious signs of addiction, however a quick look into their garage reveals the awful truth behind their veneer of suburban respectability.  Solo bikes, some clearly intended only for speed adorn the walls, along with a tandem and array of discarded and dangerously sharp items that have obviously have only one purpose – cycling.   

The Angus area, like many, suffers from a turf war between rival gangs who fight it out for control of the streets.  The faster and more glamorous group are known as “The Chain” and can be identified by a single bottle cages and a preference for carbon jewellery.  The longer established group - “The Angus” - prefers a single pannier bag and fluorescent jackets.  This group also has connections to the even more sinister CTC who for years have been pushing for cycling to be legalised, a move which has some support among the Green party as well as some well meaning but misguided Lib Dems.  For most of the year, these rival factions in Forfar battle it out ruthlessly and there have been rumours of Chain riders being “caped” and Angus members suffering the painful removal of their mudguards in an escalating spiral of tit for tat violence.  In a particularly disturbing incident late last year, a Chain member was forced to “drum up” using a primus stove in Kirriemuir.  Local residents have witnessed these attacks but are afraid to come forward, largely due to the fear that they will be asked to help at future events. 

Despite their regular battles, these factions come together twice each year under an uneasy “audax” truce and our reporter was there today to witness such a gathering.  Just yards from the bustling High Street in Forfar, the factions gather near the local leisure centre.  They talk nervously, keeping an eye on the skyline for potential trouble.  One more flamboyant gang member was showing off a psychedelic offering, known as a Mercian which he had claimed to have bough legitimately from a fellow member in Manchester.  In the short time I spent with the cyclists it was sometimes difficult to understand what they were saying; their thick accents are peppered with cycling terminology which they use in order to avoid incrimination. 

However, the reality of the situation is clear – all the participants are hopelessly addicted.  One businessman from Edinburgh had made the trip especially and was also happy to talk openly with us.  He said that he hoped that his story would help others avoid the wreck that his life had become.  “Like, I just started at weekends.  All my mates were doing it and it just seemed a bit of harmless fun. I thought I could take it or leave it.  But I’ve just spent loads of money on “stuff” at the weekend and now I’m back again on a Tuesday in Forfar”. 

Make no mistake, these people are well organised and the danger they present to society should not be underestimated.  Before setting off they were given a briefing from a local big wig – this would allow them to evade the law whilst out on the streets and each were given a card with instructions for the day.  Much like the raves of the 1990’s with their secret instructions to fields in the middle of nowhere, the cards use a sophisticated code to direct the participants.  It is also believed that the gangs make payments to local hotels and shops so they will turn a blind eye. 

It soon emerged that the local Mr Big was a seemingly mild mannered chap, called “other dave”.   He was friendly and willing to chat to us (but insisted that his face was hidden behind a buff).  Despite his friendly manner, it is known that he has meted out many kickings over the years to those who have challenged his authority. 

As the cyclists reach the finish, they soon change out of their trademark gear and quickly blend back into society.  Many hold down respectable jobs, and in some instances, not even their closest friends and family know the true extent of the addiction that grips their loved ones.  Our reporter hopes to continue his investigations and is seeking to gain an insight into the biggest tribal gathering of all – known only as the “PBP” – it is believed that this takes place in France once every four years and involves factions from all over the world in an orgy of cycling, which is tolerated on the continent. 

On the face of it, it is a harmless Tuesday morning gathering in a Forfar car park.  Do not be fooled, these people are dangerous.  Many who dabbled innocently will be consigned to a life of cycling and will never be the same again.  Even those who manage to escape the clutches of the gangs will often require years of counselling to fully break the habit. 

It’s time to face up to this silent threat before it is too late.  The police appear to be powerless due to lack of resources, but sometimes manage to interrupt the cyclist’s activities with specific initiatives.  An illicit cycling gathering was believed to have been interrupted in Cowdenbeath High Street in the early hours of a Sunday last May when the police were assisted by local volunteers who have become fed up with their High Street being used for cycling.  The Home Office is monitoring this pilot study as they believe that community involvement is the key to stamping out cycling, along with improved intelligence and infiltration of the cycling gangs.  The authorities are already aware of a planned gathering in Kirriemuir in June this year where “snow” is expected to feature.   

[The Mechanic]

priceless!!!!

[Poursuivant]

Chapeau Sir.

It's good to know that high-quality journalism still exists, but wasn't having a wooden pedal a bit of a give-away to an undercover sleuth?

I look forward to the Panorama team searching for the missing sign on the factory gates alleged by that same sinister Snowman . . .

[eck]

I've just seen a copy of a letter addressed to the editor of the local paper, which may help to allay some fears:

The Editor,
Forfar Matters: Fact or Opinion?
Forfar

Dear Mr Editor,
As someone closely involved in local cycling rides in the Forfar, and often far furth of Forfar forbye, I feel it is my duty to scotch the reports of dangerous cycling activities going on in our tranquil neighbourhood. Far from being a menace to the guid folk hereabouts, we are far from being shady gangs. Various combinations of us can be seen in and around Forfar many times a week: Tuesday and Friday mornings, leaving from Forfar's finest cycle emporium, usually highly visible in our yellow jackets, and on Wednesday evenings we lurk on a street corner before departing to various local inns, whose business we keep afloat by buying as many as two drinks each. The highlight of the week is Sundays. which we religiously observe by congregating at the local leisure centre, but being careful that not too many of us wear clubbie kit, lest outsiders be tempted to join us.

Talk of a turf war between us, The Angus, and an allegedly more glamorous outfit calling itself The Chain, is misleading. Ok, they seem to get involved in many different kinds of cycling, like mountain biking, time trials, road racing and I've even heard rumours of them now actively encouraging the promotion of audax events in our area. But, to be honest, they are not Our Kind of Club - A Local Club For Local People. We do short touring runs, hostile and hostel weekends. Surely that's enough diversity. We are often seen to be meandering, in no great hurry, around local roads. Furthermore, it is our club that does more to keep local businesses thriving: not for us the underhand internet purchases to shadowy foreign dealers, with highly questionable names like Chain Reaction and Wiggle. Wiggle? What kind of business could that be? No, we are regular local buyers of essential cycling stuff, such as tea bags, home-brew kits, fenceposts etc.

And who can say we are not welcoming? Our website clearly states "We are a friendly lot and are always pleased to welcome newcomers." Clear proof of this was provided yesterday on the "audax" ride, when the partner of a maverick rider, who had joined in the ride in its later stages was asked to pay only £2 for a cup of weak coffee and a biscuit. Now, that's welcoming and friendly, isn't it?

Finally, the report makes mention of a rumoured event, involving "snow" taking place in June. My sources tell me that the entry fee for that 300k event is actually twice what was charged for the local 100k yesterday. I'd assumed that the entry fee would therefore cover two cups of coffee and two biscuits. But no. It seems that will cover fripperies like bridies and beer. I hear that some people will actually be staying over in the hall for a couple of nights. I only hope there will be community singing and that song-sheets with Kum-ba-ya will be provided. My god, the organiser has a lot to learn.

Yours,
A concerned resident.

[valkyrie]

NOW IT’S AUDAX EVENTS ON A TUESDAY!!

From a Daily Mille reporter...

POTD

[David Martin]

Rumour has it that certain members of the chain are from Taysides finest..

[Crapaud]

Best post I've read on the web for a good while, Y Lee G.

Twas a good day out. Midweek rides actually suit me rather well, so it was a good one to start my year off. Despite my longest ride this year being 40 km and my concerns about finishing, it went well, though the legs were starting to complain after 70.

This bodes well for my next outing with the Angus subversives - the Pitlochry 150.

One thing puzzles me though: different minimum speeds for 100 km events? Lethnot and Lunan is 15 kph, Scone is 12.5 kph. Why?

[otherdave]

An organiser, if he thinks it is necessary, can change the minimum speed to allow for a hilly route, older riders/CTC riders etc. This allows the riders to saunter, socialise, take their time, have a drum up, smoke their pipe,  make a day of it or whatever (as it’s not a race y’know), making it back to the finish before the café closes at 5.00pm.   As there are no Audax points given for a 100k it did not matter in this case. You do however get CTC points if you belong to that organisation (the same number as on a 600k).

Audax UK Regulations

5.7(i) The minimum speeds may not be altered and shall be: for events up to 699km – within the range 14.3 to 15kph

7.2 Speeds and Controls: it will be permissible to relax the minimum speed below BR values and also relax the standards for controls but where controls are relaxed the brevet card will bear no certification of distance and therefore will not be eligible for any of the AUK award schemes.

The Lunan and Lethnot 100k is not quite as flat as the Scone the Flat Way 100k – but the organiser has not opted to reduce the speed in this case (correct min. speed) meaning he would like you to finish by 3.40pm and not 5.00pm. I think he would still like slow riders to socialise, take their time, have drum ups, smoke their pipes, and make a day of it or whatever but do it a sportier pace.

[Crapaud]

An organiser, if he thinks it is necessary, can change the minimum speed to allow for a hilly route, older riders/CTC riders etc. This allows the riders to saunter, socialise, take their time, have a drum up, smoke their pipe,  make a day of it or whatever (as it’s not a race y’know), making it back to the finish before the café closes at 5.00pm.   As there are no Audax points given for a 100k it did not matter in this case. You do however get CTC points if you belong to that organisation (the same number as on a 600k).

Cheers, OD. I'd have made it in time anyway. I was just curious.

[MSeries]

excellent posts Y Lee G & eck

[Wothill]

This undercover Daily Mille reporter could be a serious threat. Suppose he actually gets to enter an audax and finds out about things like sleeping arrangements on long rides, the arms race in lights designed to dazzle motorists and law-abiding pitbull walkers at 4 in the morning, not to mention the planned mass raids on polite tea shops, eating all the cakes and leaving wet muddy stripes on all the seats.