Audax "Givens"

[LEE]

There are some Audax "givens", i.e. those things you can always rely on.


No matter how fast I cycle, or how many controls I "quick-stop" at

1) The Things's Tandem will always be parked outside the next control when I arrive

2) Postie will be putting a last bit of food into his mouth, just about to set off.

Any more Audax "givens" ?

[Tewdric]

You leave it to the last minute to go to the loo at a control, sitting back down in the quiet cafe when you find the facility engaged and then, just as you are about to stand up, a group of five old ladies from Birmingham burst into the cafe and form an orderly queue outside the door of the only bog.

[postie]

food is good

[jogler]

I am always lantern rouge.

[LEE]

food is good

That's fortunate, since you always seem to be cramming loads of it into your face as I arrive.

[chris]

Pete Turnbull will overtake you 2674 times before you get to the first control (OK I exagerated a little bit).

[Really Ancien]

The event that you've looked forward to most will be marred by torrential rain and a headwind. Prepare for such an eventuality and you will end up sunburnt all down one side and the inside of one knee.

Damon.

[pdm]

If you set off before someone, you always arrive at the next control after they do without them having passed you on the road.
Likewise, if you set off after someone, they always arrive after you do without you having passed them!

[pumpkin]

Anything you have 'fixed' the day before a ride will disintegrate at the halfway point.Not on the ride to the start or within the first 1km but at the furthest point from any assistance. If a cleat or tyre is slightly worn, a mudguard rattles, if you have no zipties, disaster will occur.

[Hummers]

That which does not kill you makes you stronger smelling.

H

[JStone]

When uncertain which road to take at a junction, it's always the one going most steeply uphill.

[Julian]

Likewise, it will inevitably be at the bottom of a steep hill that you realise you took a wrong turn.

[pcolbeck]

Likewise, it will inevitably be at the bottom of a steep hill that you realise you took a wrong turn.

At the top would be worse.

[LEE]

 - At any cafe control, you always wish you'd ordered what the person next to you was just served.

- It's always 20degC colder outside the cafe than when you entered 20 minutes previously.

- You really wish you'd turned your route-sheet over before you set off from the control.

[chris]

If you accidentally miss out an instruction on the route sheet the next 10 instructions work OK until 15 miles later when you arrive at a T junction and need to do a SO@X .

[Redlight]

iust when you think things couldn't get any worse, someone will pull alongside you and ask about your gear ratios

[Greenbank]

iust when you think things couldn't get any worse, someone will pull alongside you and ask about your gear ratios

Or tell you that this ride was better 12 years ago when this road had just been resurfaced and the route didn't take the B138329 round the back of Lower Wibbleton...

[Jaded]

Pumpé will overtake.

[Charlotte]

iust when you think things couldn't get any worse, someone will pull alongside you and ask about your gear ratios

Or tell you that this ride was better 12 years ago when this road had just been resurfaced and the route didn't take the B138329 round the back of Lower Wibbleton...

Who could forget one of the finest Pumpé posts of recent years?

[Jaded]

Every turn will present you with a cacophony of GPS bleeps.

[Kim]

When uncertain which road to take at a junction, it's always the one going most steeply uphill.

This isn't Audax or even cycling specific.  I successfully used this method to find my way around Bristol as a student.

[Weirdy Biker]

When pissing against a tree, a car or dog walker will pass in even the most isolated of locations.

[Weirdy Biker]

You are never more than 15 minutes away from a fellow audaxer.

[The Seldom Killer]

Anything you have 'fixed' the day before a ride will disintegrate at the halfway point.Not on the ride to the start or within the first 1km but at the furthest point from any assistance. If a cleat or tyre is slightly worn, a mudguard rattles, if you have no zipties, disaster will occur.

Conversely, if you know there are a few things that are a little worn or dubious on the bike and instead of fixing them you spent the previous night faffing with deciding what combination of clothing to wear and definitely doing something at the end of this programme, you will avoid all possible punctures and your bike will ride as if as light as fairydust and utterly indesctructable. When washing the bike the following day you will find something broken that by all rights should have ended the ride in a faceplant.

[Hot Flatus]

Paul d will tell you he's not going to Paris